Author's note: Obviously, my version of the Twilight series has been rendered obsolete by the release of Breaking Dawn. I should have released a chapter way earlier but as you must have gathered by now, I'm flaky when it comes to releasing chapters on time. The good news? The next chapter has been written for months.

Since I never really expected to work as a real extension of the series—how could Stephenie Meyer ever leave us without a big shocker in the final book in the series?—I will finish it up by pretending that the events of Breaking Dawn never transpired. I apologize for the lack of reality; try to think of it as an interpretation of what might have happened, not what should have happened or what would have happened in all likelihood. It's a stretch, I know, but isn't the goal of fanfiction either extending upon fictional information already given or creating other possible futures, should things have happened differently? Imagine this, from this point on, as an extension of my own overactive imagination regarding the Twilight series. If decisions had been reversed or changed, new conditions created or destroyed, this would have been a plausible future. Perhaps not a likely future, probably not one that Stephenie Meyer would ever create, but a future that can be used for this fanfiction.

This is the penultimate chapter of the story. Thank you for reading, I sincerely apologize for driving you insane with my flakiness!

Lily Dwyer

I won't lie to you. I was expecting more than what I received.

At first that sentence must sound selfish, right? Egotistic, as if I never considered someone else's feelings? I should have considered the fact that I wasn't the only one in that car, and that I wasn't the type of person that really attracted that kind of person. But somehow, the events of the previous day had given me optimism that had lacked in my life for what felt like forever. I hadn't been able to feel good or happy since long before the mess with my mother. Even before she got sick, things were deteriorating. I was expecting something big, for the system to fail. I didn't know it would cost me my mother, nor did I really think it would be this catastrophic, but it was. My outlook on life changed. Pessimism took charge, and the only way I could survive was to look for the worst in a situation. How would I survive if I didn't? My heart had been broken once, and I couldn't allow it to happen again. Even small things risked setting me off, and even if I wasn't admitting it to myself, I couldn't be allowed to attach myself to people. What happened in a few years, when I left? Or would they leave me first? Someone would have to discover how truly damaged I was inside soon enough, and then they would be gone. If I allowed myself to use anyone as a crutch for too long, I would become dependent, and dependence is a weakness.

You might still be thinking the same things after I share those thoughts with you. You might say that I'm hiding behind a tragedy, blaming everything I do wrong on that specific moment in my lifetime. You might be right; I might be trying to hide behind the time my life wronged me, and I might be trying to get back. Who knows what is really going on my subconscious? I could be miserable solely because I'm a brat whose used to getting what she wants. If anyone thought or knew that that was the reason I did all these things in my life, they would shun me. They'd call me the same things that I am considering for myself.

The thing is, somehow, I'm still being affected by yesterday. Now should prove to me more than ever that I really need to get a handle on my behaviour, and yet my mind keeps coming up with ways to justify my behaviour. A lot of people got messed up when they lose a parent. A lot more get messed up when they lose both. Who has ever really benefited from being juggled from relative to relative? Maybe I'm really doing well. I'm not crying through the night. I'm not asking for special treatment because of who I am and what has happened. I could be worse, couldn't I?

But what really hurt me was that I should have known how this would end. I arrived at school, knowing how much I could be hurt, and yet I still looked for his car. I still smiled at his brother and sister when I spotted them in the morning, even if they returned my glances only with twin looks of pity. I ignored the obvious signs, and ignored my friends at lunch to keep a vigil and wait for Ryan to enter the cafeteria. He never did. I really hurt myself in the process; I allowed myself to be hurt by someone else. Forget what I thought of myself, my selfishness or lack thereof. After the tragedies my life had encountered, shouldn't I know better by now? I was hurt by someone I never should have let into my heart in the first place. All. My. Fault.

My internal babble is getting redundant now, so I'll instead return to the present. I had endured a day of school without so much as a mention of his name. I kept looking, but never found him. I waited to see if he would show up in any of his usual classes, followed his sister with my eyes until she was sure to think I was stalking her. My madness nearly drove me to the principal's office to demand where Ryan was, but I couldn't do it with the small shred of sanity that remained. The pity people gave me would only last so long, and I couldn't afford to waste it on something like this. Before long, they'd think I wasn't just grief stricken; I was crazy.

I shouldn't have been so affected by him, but I was. His absence was nearly too much to bear. By the end of the day, my façade had faded. I was being openly cold to anyone who talked to me, snapping if someone talked too much. They all seemed confused, but fortunately kept their distance for the most part. I wasn't in the mood for people, period. The one exception to the rule had yet to show.

It was the end of the day that I finally gave up and pulled my jacket over myself. He was probably just sick, I reasoned. Not avoiding me. Not trying to send me a message. If I got too crazy before I fell asleep, I'd look him up and see how he was feeling. He had felt cold yesterday. Probably had the flu, a cold. Something totally unrelated to me. How could this be my fault, after all? Why would he ever avoid school because of me? Maybe I didn't usual have an awfully positive affect on people, but I didn't drive them away, either. No one had ever been so, so… repulsed by me that they felt the need to avoid me entirely. No one had ever run away screaming, as if I was somehow going to cause them harm by just existing. If he didn't like me, if he thought it was a mistake, he would just tell me, right? I had never been an intimidating person; I trusted that that one trait had remained unchanged.

I was walking down the sidewalk, my mind puzzled and my pace slow, when something cold caught my arm. I froze automatically. It reminded me a little too much of Ryan, and for a few moment, I allowed myself to be hopeful. It would send the opposite message of what I was considering if he had returned to explain himself to me and me alone, even after avoiding school all day. My mind was catching up with the implications of what I was thinking when I finally turned and met the eerie gaze of Rachel, Ryan's sister.

"Ryan told me to give you this," she explained hastily; the beautiful girl refused to meet my eyes as she shoved something into my hand. "Please, read it and believe it. It will please him to know that he was allowed to make this right."

Before I could ask her what she was talking about, she disappeared into her car, moving unnaturally quickly. I looked down to my hand to see what she had given me. It was an envelope, small and white. My name was printed in bold on the front, in neat printing nearly indistinguishable from the work of a computer. Without knowing why, I was certain that this had come from Ryan. I ignored the rain that was picking up around me and opened the sealed letter hastily. Before I could stop myself, I scanned the paper.

Dear Lily,

I'm sorry I left so suddenly, without talking to you first, especially after what happened yesterday. My parents called me last night and told me that I was accepted to a private school back at home, a really good school that could pretty much guarantee getting into any college I wanted if I got good enough grades. I applied ages ago, but I never expected to get accepted. But there's no way I could pass up an opportunity like that, and therefore I'm going to have to go back home.

I wanted to call you, but there wasn't enough time. My parents already had a ticket for me to come home, and it took off at six in the morning. I had to pack up everything I owned here, plus handing off all of my obligations in Forks to my sister and Edmond. I didn't get the chance to stop before two in the morning, and by then it was too late to call. So instead, I decided to write you a letter. I know, its cold and uncaring, but I didn't want to wake you and your family up. Leaving my sister with the job of explaining to you seemed a bit worse.

By the time you're reading this, I'll be back at home, which might be a good thing since I'm sure you'll be mad. Believe me, I never would have done what I did yesterday if I knew I'd be gone in the morning. I'm so sorry that I did. I really want to follow through, but I can't stay in Forks just because of you. We've barely known each other two days, and this school has been my dream for years and years. If I could take you with me, I would.

I hope that you don't mind my leaving. It would have been nice to get to know you, but we really didn't know each other very well, did we? We only had two days that we really knew each other. Again, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really thought I was going to be around a bit longer to continue it. I hope there will be no hard feelings. The next time I visit Forks, I'll make a point of seeing you.

Ryan Hale

His words stung more than they should have. Of course, he shouldn't stay in Forks just because I wanted him to. Of course, he couldn't take me with him. I could have drawn the same conclusions myself. But somehow, seeing them written on paper, in his perfect handwriting and the language that so obvious belonged to him, it just hurt me more. What had I really been expecting? Sorry I ditched today, I really do like you? Or would I'm totally in love with you and so totally romantic that I wrote you a letter be more fitting? It was stupid for me to expect anything of the sort.

And so, stupid me, my chest started to get heavier while I walked. I had to stop and sit down on a bench before I started sobbing outright. Why did I care so much? Why did I miss Ryan so much? I'd only known him two days, and he obviously wasn't so torn up about missing me…

But it was all I could think about. My time in Forks would feel longer than I had expected.