A/N: Now we're back with Hogan for this chapter. Thanks again for your support for this story.
Warnings:Hogan thinks a bad word at the very end.
Movies Are Your Best Escape - 5
The morning after "Hitler's speech," I was giving our two British airmen their final instructions. They were meticulously decked out in German uniforms, carrying a dummy film camera courtesy of our metal shop. Inside the fake camera were the precious negatives of the German Fourth Army Group plans. The airmen were going to pose as military documentarians, there to take footage of Stalag 13. Their story to Klink would be that their car had broken down, and would need to borrow a car from the camp to leave when finished.
After an hour or so of filming they would take the car and just drive down to the coast to be picked up. In the event of their capture, the camera was rigged to blow up if tampered with before releasing the hidden safety switch. Fortunately for all concerned, the two airmen knew just enough German to probably fake their way through a brief explanation to Klink about their activities.
Newkirk, who had still been busy with the uniforms when I returned last night, asked me if we had succeeded in convincing Klink Germany was about to lose the war.
"Well, I can tell you he's practicing his surrender speech right now," I joked, remembering Klink's stricken look as I left him the night before.
We reviewed the plan once more, then snuck the airmen and the camera out of Barracks 2. I kept my fingers crossed that when Klink came to meet with them that he wouldn't bother checking with the front gate about their arrival. He rarely did check that sort of thing, confident in his spotless record. It seemed to never occur to him that anyone would ever sneak into the camp.
Before long the presence of the men and their camera was noticed and Klink came hurrying out of the Kommandantur. The airmen gave their explanation, while I hovered at a short distance, ready to jump in if the need arose. Klink was still confused, protesting that he had heard nothing of this archival project from headquarters.
Ritchie replied, "That is understandable," with only a slight stumble.
Donner added, "Things are a little confused in Berlin these days," enunciating with care.
Klink didn't seem to notice anything suspicious in their replies and only hurriedly silenced them with, "Please, don't tell me anymore."
I decided it was time to put the final part of my plan in place. I walked up behind Klink and grasped him gently by the arm and led him a few steps away. He came quite willingly.
"Yes, Hogan?" he asked.
"Um, I..." I paused until we were a safe distance away, "I couldn't help overhearing, sir. This is a great break for you, sir!"
"It is?" Klink was clearly puzzled.
"Oh sure, a movie of friendly Stalag 13, where never is heard a discouraging word? With loveableCommandant Klink. Don't forget that kid in the Sherman tank!"
"Yes, yes, yes!" Klink agreed.
"This will be documentary proof that you've been a humane guardian of Allied prisoners."
"Excellent! That's an excellent idea!" exclaimed Klink, and hurried back to the camera.
"Gentlemen!" he enthused, "you may proceed! You have my fullest cooperation."
He gave the airmen a salute.
"Jawohl, Herr Colonel," Ritchie said, saluting back.
Donner saluted as well, unfortunately in the British fashion. Ritchie gave him a sidelong glance and he quickly corrected himself.
My plan was more successful than I ever could have imagined. Klink leapt into the spirit of the documentary with an enthusiasm I had never seen him display over anything. He quickly supplied cigarettes to any of the prisoners who wanted them. As I lit my first one I joked that it would be nice to have a beer to go with it.
"Great idea, Hogan!" Klink smiled, his blue eyes gleaming excitedly, "I'll join you! Fräulein Helga!"
He bounded into the Kommandantur like an excited puppy. A few minutes later he and Helga emerged with a pitcher of beer and two large steins. I can't believe it! He was serious!
The camera was set up and Klink and I, on either side of Helga, were "filmed" toasting each other and swigging down generous portions of beer.
"Thank you, Colonel Klink," called Donner from behind the camera.
"That will be fine," Ritchie confirmed, about to ask for a staff car.
"Just a minute, just a minute," protested Klink, "you haven't got a complete picture of Stalag 13 yet. Now there is another side I want you to photograph! Just a moment." And he hurried off.
Ritchie shot me an anxious look. I shrugged back. Best to let Klink have his way, at least for now...
I had to admit, Klink shocked me with his next idea. He lined up all his guards in formation and then turned to me excitedly.
"Now Hogan, you and I will trade hats," he said as he grabbed my cap from me while taking off his own. He plopped mine on his head and handed me his.
"And you will inspect my men! A little role-reversal, just for fun, eh?"
I could have sworn his eyes were actually sparkling with amusement.
"Whatever you think, my loveable Commandant," I replied smiling back.
Klink flushed with pleasure and called the camera over. We then enacted an inspection together, with me looking over the guards and Klink taking dutiful notes. When I got to the end of the line, we shook hands enthusiastically and smiled at each other. On impulse, I put an arm affectionately across Klink's back as we turned toward the camera.
"Cut!" announced Ritchie, "very good. That was an excellent idea, Colonel, that's all we need, thank you."
He and Donner began to dismantle the camera.
"Just a moment! Just a moment!" protested Klink again, "this is only the beginning!"
"Now," he paused, considering, "let us move the camera...over there." He pointed in the direction of the Kommandantur again.
"Sir, now don't overdo it!" I said. I've created a monster!
"If you don't mind!" Klink retorted firmly, and strode off to set up the next shot.
I watched him go with a mixture of worry and amusement and said, "A star is born!"
Klink had disappeared into his office, and reappeared a few minutes later carrying a large, red banner of some kind. He nearly tripped over it in his enthusiasm.
It turned out to be a banner proclaiming "Welcome to Stalag 13" in English! Heaven knows why he had it, I'd never seen it before.
As Klink ran about rounding up volunteers to hold up the banner, I contemplated this transformation. Anyone would think that Klink was being liberated, not the camp. He darted about with the energy of a man half his age, all smiles and easy humor.
Who IS this guy? And what has he done with the body of Colonel Wilhelm Klink?
It was rather a bittersweet feeling, watching Klink operate under the apparently happy illusion that the Allies were about to win the war and take his command from him.
As Newkirk, Kinch, and Schultz were arranging themselves with the banner, I saw Klink walk a few paces away, his back toward me. He slipped my hat from his head and then sniffed at it!
"Sir," I said, and he jumped, "if I smell so badly, you could always give us another shower per week."
"No, no Hogan, not at all," he stammered, "I was just, er, thinking I needed to return this to you."
He handed my cap back and I returned his. I looked at him in puzzlement, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. Instead, he hurried off to join Carter, Helga, and LeBeau on the steps of the Kommandantur, underneath the banner held by the others.
I went over to Ritchie and Donner who were setting up the shot.
"After you, uh, get this shot, tell the ham that you're out of film, you need a car, and get out of here."
"Right you are," replied Ritchie.
Just then, I heard a motor, I looked toward the front gate and saw a staff car arriving. Someone important was here.
Shit!
To be continued...
A/N:Next chapter, we're back with Klink again. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I have to confess, this is one of my favorite sequences in the entire series, and so this was a really fun chapter for me to write.