Ryan Hale

It had been seventy years since I had set foot in Forks. I had kept my promise to its fullest extent, not visiting the small town once, not following her progress at all as she grew and I remained the same. I didn't get to sit in a crowd and cheer her on while she received her diploma. I didn't get to be the first one to hug her when she read her college acceptance letters. I never got to see her life move on. It hurt, but I found things to distract me. I focused on being able to resist the scent of human blood, and tried my hand at many different studies over my many high school and university careers. Sometimes, it still hurt so much that I wanted to do nothing more than crawl up on the floor; but I kept moving on. It was all I could do.

It wasn't until many years later that I heard her name again. I knew that Bella followed her sister's progress through life, but it was never mentioned to me. Finally, after seventy years of avoiding her name, avoiding seeing her face in my mind, Bella decided I had kept my promise well enough. She took pity, and decided to inform me that Lily Dwyer had died the previous day. Bella even gave me an invitation to Lily's funeral, although she emphasized that I didn't have to join her.

When I arrived to pay my final respects, it was evident that Forks hadn't changed much. Most of the main buildings had remained the same, although they were now covered in ivy and duller in colour. One difference I noticed was that Forks High had disappeared from its previous location, and a new school had been built in the more central part of town. I didn't bother to look too closely at the new building, nor the old ones. The longer I spent outside of the cemetery, the more time I wasted. No one would really mind if I returned to Forks now that Lily was gone, but they would mind if I visited Lily's grave as often as I truly wanted to. This was my free time, the one time I could truly be myself. There were no constraints on what I could or could not do. The consequences were, for once, gone.

The trees had grown taller, and the forest was overtaking more and more land. The citizens of Forks did nothing to stop it, allowing it to take property where homes had once resided. Very few of the houses were the same, most of the hundred-something houses having disappeared to make way for newer, better houses. I still recognized many last names, though. These were still the children and grandchildren of those I had briefly gone to school with so many years ago.

All of the trees were much taller, and the forest had managed to overtake more and more land. The citizens of Forks did nothing to stop the growth, allowing it to take property where homes had once resided. Very few of the houses remained the same, most of the hundred-something structures having withered with age or disappearing to make way for newer, better houses. Still, many of the last names of the owners remained the same. These were the children and grandchildren of the people Lily and I had attended school with.

Before we went to the funeral, Bella insisted we visit her father's old house. She drove the car down the familiar path, but instead of seeing the familiar building, there were only ruins. The forest had grown over most of it, new trees growing where the house had once stood. The rest of the ground was covered in plants, mostly weeds. Bella looked sad, but left quickly. I made no attempt to meddle in her affairs, with the hope that she would offer me the same courtesy.

Bella and I went to the funeral alone. Edward had wanted to come, but Bella hadn't allowed him to. He hadn't known Lily. Neither had Bella, but their bond was deeper than conversation and knowledge of one another. They were family. Edward didn't know Lily, but I did. I had loved her more than anyone or anything else in the world, and Edward could make no such claim. The two of us needed time to grieve alone, without the rest of our family.

We both wore loose disguises. Bella had put temporary dye in her hair to make it red and her striking eyes hidden behind blue contact lenses. As an extra precaution, she wore a raincoat with a large hood to conceal her face. My hair was black, but I wore no hood. I wasn't memorable, and anyone I might have known would be old, and wouldn't believe it was me for my youth. Bella's disappearance had left a mark on Forks, while mine did not.

The funeral hurt more than I thought it would be. I soon learned that Lily was a widow, with two grown children, a boy and a girl. Bella had known all of this beforehand, and filled me in on the car ride down. She had married John Miller, a name that was completely unfamiliar to me. Her two children were Samantha and George. When Samantha was eight and George six, their father had died. Now Samantha was married, and George was working on his career as a lawyer.

Only Samantha spoke. She looked twice the age that Lily had been when we had met, marking her at about thirty. The sight of both of her children hurt me. I didn't mind that she had married, or that she had two children who obviously loved her. This was what I had hoped for her. What hurt was that her whole life had been lived without me, and I knew nothing about her. I didn't know my Lily anymore, and I would never be able to properly know her. The pain was in the fact that I couldn't grieve properly for the person I loved most in the world, because I simply didn't know her anymore. Lily Dwyer was a stranger to me now, and she would never be anything more.

"Lily Dwyer was a wonderful person, a wonderful mother and a wonderful grandmother," Samantha said, tears gleaming in her eyes. "When I was growing up, she was always there for me and my brother, especially after our father died when we were young. For the most part, she raised us alone, and did an excellent job at it. She was never absent, despite having to work full time to support us. She always knew what was going on in our lives, even when she couldn't be there for us. Apart when we lost my father, the saddest I had ever seen her was when she confessed that she couldn't attend a game George was playing, or a piano recital that I would be playing in. None of us were perfect, but we were a family. That mattered more than anything.

"She helped me pay my way through university, even though she didn't have the money for it. When George had to go to university, she did the same for him. Even without a partner to help her, she was more than anyone could ask for in a mother, in a person. When I had my twins, she was always around to help me with them. She never let me go days on end without sleep because I didn't have anyone to take care of the two of them. My mother put as much effort into raising her grandchildren as she did to her own children. Everyone who ever met her was affected by her kind nature, her cheerful happiness that always lit up a room. She will not go unmissed, nor will she ever be forgotten."

Samantha walked back to who I presumed to be her husband and children, twin girls who looked about seven. So this was her family, I thought, with only a touch of sadness. Even if I had been the right choice for her, I wouldn't have been able to provide her with children, with grandchildren to baby when her children were grown and married. This was something I was glad she gained, even without me.

I watched the coffin being covered with dirt with the rest of them. Many tears were shed, but I watched the scene with my face remaining a careful mask lacking emotion. If anyone knew how much I really cared, they would suspect something. I couldn't afford to attract any attention. It wasn't until everyone had left that I could be allowed to let my emotions take hold of me.

After all of the other mourners had left, Bella and I remained. For a long time we simply stared at the gravestone, at her name engraved in the stone, at the years she had spent on this earth. A half hour passed before Bella said anything to me. "Take as long as you need, Ryan. I'll be in the car. Come whenever you're ready."

I sobbed noiselessly before the grave once Bella was gone. Eighty-six was too young to die. I could have never asked her to give up her mortal soul for immortality, but it would have hurt less than seeing this. Thank heavens it was a closed casket. I couldn't have dealt with seeing Lily like that, lifeless. I cared too much about her for that.

"You're Ryan, aren't you."

I looked up, surprised to see anyone, but not caring as much as I should have. Standing there was Samantha Miller, Lily's daughter. The words had been a statement, not a question. Her face was soaked in tears, although her voice hadn't shaken, and I wished that my face were the same. For once, I really needed to show some emotion. Lily was worth it. "Yes, I am," I said, defeated.

Samantha only nodded, and looked longingly at the grave once more. "She told me all about you, you know. Your secret is safe with me."

When I looked up again, Lily's daughter was gone. I let out one more tortured cry, and then rose to my feet, trying to remember how my life had been before today, and how it would ever go on. In that moment, I didn't know.