Hi all! Okay this chapter didn't take as long, it pretty much wrote itself. I guess by the great response I'm getting to this story that you're liking it, so I hope this chappie does it justice; it's my favourite by far! Anyways hope you enjoy xx
For Disclaimer see Chapter 2
Chapter 11: It's All In The Mind
It took the Doctor a few moments to shake the disorientation from his head. When his mind was clear, he could see into her own. Such an old Time Lord trick, and used by so many telepathic species across the universe, but he'd never been able to get used to it. All that power, the insight into another's soul, seeing their hopes, their dreams, their innermost thoughts, and it unnerved him. He'd always been a man of deep thought, and the idea that someone could just as easily see into his mind was at the very least disconcerting. After such a deed was done, and the soul had been exposed, was it really possible to see that person in quite the same light ever again?
After clearing such destructive thoughts from his mind, he peered through the fog that had wrapped itself around Rose's thoughts. He knew from experience that all telepathic visualisations of the mind were symbolic, and the fog would be the remnants of damage left by the Dreamcaster. Anger boiled in his chest as he saw the damage wrapped around her logic and her conscience. That thing is going to pay! He had to calm himself down and remind himself that the Keeper had influenced the Dreamcaster, too. If anyone should pay, it would be her. But enough time for revenge later…
Now he had to focus on finding Rose. He knew she had withdrawn into her mind, probably involuntarily but unable to cope with the physical pressures of the situation anymore. He would have to look for her.
As he focused his own thoughts on finding Rose, he found himself in a garden with grass gleaming like emeralds, burnt-out trees and a haunting, empty sky. He began wading through the overgrown grass, looking for any signs of life through the dense fog. Nothing. Not a twitch, not a breath of air, not a birdcall, nothing. The Doctor shivered. This was not what a mind was supposed to be like.
He determinedly made his way through the garden, searching for his friend. She can't have retreated this far…
He suddenly felt an eerie presence behind him, and he spun on his heels. He jumped back, startled. Rose was inches from him, her skin white, her form almost fading away in the fog, her hair blowing in a breeze that wasn't there. He gulped, a mixture of relief and concern.
"There you are, Rose. I was so worried."
Rose stared at him with eyes full of emotions he didn't quite understand. She shook her head at him sadly.
"Why did you come here?"
The Doctor found his mouth opening and closing but refusing to release any words. "I…I-I…wanted to make sure you were safe."
"You should have let me go. Let me complete my journey."
She looked him straight in the eye and the Doctor realised the fog was still there, behind her eyes, as well as around her. He sighed. How was he supposed to get her to see sense through all this misconception?
"Rose, you're 'journey' was taking you into the Gateway. You would have been lost forever. I wouldn't have been able to get you back."
"That was not important." The way she was talking just wasn't right; it was like she was in a trance or something. The Doctor's brow furrowed at the thought, and he took hold of her shoulders firmly. She was icy cold.
"Oh, Rose," he sighed in despair. "What could possibly be so important to you that you felt you had to risk your life like this?"
She looked up at him, with an expression of disbelief, as if she couldn't understand why he couldn't understand. "I did it for you."
"What? What d'you mean?"
Rose didn't have to reply: he saw it. Through her eyes he saw the projection of the Time War that had seeped through the Gateway, all the death and destruction and Daleks. He stared into space, frozen to the spot as he was forced to relive the event; old, hidden memories rising to the surface of his mind.
Rose saw a tear falling down his cheek. And it focused her mind a little. He was hurting, and the whole idea of her journey was to stop that from happening. He shouldn't be in pain. She had wanted to end his pain.
"I did it for you," she repeated, the Doctor's attention finally drawn back to her. "I could go back, and stop the Time War from happening. Doctor, all your pain would be gone. You would never have to suffer."
All this information took a moment to settle in the Doctor's mind as the memories dredged up from his past slowly faded away, and were replaced by Rose's earnest but misguided face.
"Rose," he said gently, his hearts breaking at the thought, "don't you think I would have gone back and saved them all if I could? It's just not possible."
"But it is!" she insisted. "That's what the Gateway could do! Take us back!"
The Doctor shook his head. "Physically possible, maybe, but, with the timelines…" He took a deep breath. "It's an established point in time now, and there's just no way to stop it. And just think, if you did, we would never have met. And what would I ever do without you, Rose?"
Rose looked disappointed beyond measure, but the fog around them seemed to dissipate a little, leaving behind a clearer view of Rose's mind. And what he saw in there made the Doctor shake a little involuntarily.
"Rose, why did you want to stop the Time War?" he asked nervously, already having seen the answer shining through the fog.
"To stop your pain, Doctor."
"But why?"
"Because…"
"Why?" he insisted.
Rose looked up at him, her heart in her mouth. "Because I love you."
The Doctor closed his eyes as he finally heard those words spill from her lips. True, it was the voice in her mind, but it was honest and real, and that was all that mattered.
He looked down at her, and noticed that the fog was setting in again. If he didn't do something fast, he knew her mind would be damaged beyond repair. He tried to smile reassuringly at her.
"Rose, you've got to rest. Go to sleep; let me take the fog away."
But Rose shook her head stubbornly, the movement forcing restrained tears from her eyes.
"No, I have to prove myself, let me go back, I can do it, Doctor, I promise! Let me save them, for you."
He took her hands to stop her, and forced her to look into his watery eyes.
"Rose, if you saved the world, I'd lose you. How could I lose you? Rose… all the things that have happened in my life… I regret so many of them, but I wouldn't change them."
Rose's head was too foggy for her to comprehend. "But why?"
"Because…" he took a shaky breath, "…they led me to you. And I couldn't lose you, Rose. I love you too much."
Those words made their presence known through the fog, and Rose realised what he'd said. She shook her head.
"What?"
The Doctor closed his eyes as he was forced to repeat his innermost feelings. "I love you, Rose."
But Rose just shook her head. She couldn't understand anything; the fog was so thick…
The Doctor saw her trying to make sense of it all, and he knew she was struggling. He knew he had to do something to stop her sinking. She looked up at him with eyes full of fear and love, and immediately he knew what he had to do.
Pulling her closer and pressing her ice-cold body against his, he shielded her from the worst of the fog, protecting them both with his strong mind. He looked down at her, and repeated the words once more, begging her to understand.
"I love you, Rose," he whispered.
At that, recognition swept over her face, and when she looked up at him her eyes were back to their old selves, dancing with light and intelligence and… love. It must be love.
Leaning down to her as the fog swirled around them, he took one last look at those beautiful eyes before pressing his lips firmly against hers.
----
Rose woke up feeling strangely heady, the pressure of the Doctor's lips still ghosting over her own. She lifted her hand to her mouth, but there was nothing there. She slowly opened her eyes, and found herself laid out on the captain's chair in the TARDIS control room, the Dreamcaster shuttle nowhere in sight. As she sat up her head began to clear, and it felt divine to have her own thoughts back. She looked over to the controls, and saw the Doctor, his back to her, focusing on piloting the ship. She blushed, remembering what had happened inside her head. Had that been real?
The Doctor heard her stirring, and turned to look at her. He beamed when he saw she was looking healthy again.
"Hello, sleepy head," he remarked softly.
"Hello, yourself."
She joined him at the controls, standing close next to him but not quite daring to reach out and touch him.
"Where are we going?"
"Back to Gambit Junction to sort out the mess with the Keeper."
"The Keeper?"
The Doctor smiled, realising she had no idea who that was. "Your little fortune teller."
"Oh," she said slowly, as realisation spread across her face. She reached out for the monitor and turned it towards her, but the Doctor grabbed her arm gently, and looked at her with concern. Rose understood, and grinned at him.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna fly us off to any space doors!"
The Doctor nodded, smirking a little at the feeble joke. The TARDIS came to a relatively smooth stop, and he headed towards the door without a word. Rose followed, but stopped abruptly as the Doctor spun round to face her.
"Rose, I… just want you to know…" He pummelled himself inside for not having the courage to say those words again. How could it be so difficult after he had filled her mind with his emotions?
But Rose knew what he meant, and gave him a look that she hoped was understanding and reassuring.
"I know, Doctor."
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Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be, I just kept rambling…
I've never written a kiss before, so please let me know what you think *gulps nervously.* Reviews more than welcome. Final chapter coming soon! xx