Chapter 11: (option: What? Am I doing it wrong/ You bet your ass?)

(Disclaimer in chapter 1!)

"HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!!"

Julia looked just about ready to explode.

Harry, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber.

"What?" he said, "You're the one who believed me. How pathetic. Slytherin my ASS."

Julia glared hard, unconcerned about the crowd around her in the hall. "Speaking of your ass, you better watch it, cause let me tell you something, I've got tons of blackmail on you, and I don't mean from this year alone, oh no way, but from all the way back. You see the hat..." she gestured to the 'innocent' animated magical sorter devicy thingy, "was really helpful and understanding, not to mention informative."

Harry suddenly straightened up and smirked, which suited him just fine, "Oh yeah? Well allow me to give you a little reminder, darling. I. Babysat. You. And if you want to have any friends at all, and trust me spending seven years alone wouldn't do you any good, keep your mouth shut 'bout my business or else…" he trailed at the girl who was staring at him amused.

"Or else what? What could you possibly tell them? My information is so much more dangerous to your social life," She smirked. "Or lack there of."

Harry didn't even flinch as he shot right back "Oh, don't tell me you don't remember the little incident you had when you were three? Or how about when you were five? You know, the one involving a certain bucket and pink underwear?"

The girl's eyes flashed as she got even paler, it was obvious to Harry that she was cursing her mother in all the languages she knew (Basically from watching too many soup-operas) for telling Harry those stories. She drew her wand at him.

"If you want to stay alive to see the end of the year at ALL, Potter, you will keep your mouth SHUT. And I don't care about that stinky voldy-man; your mine."

Harry gulped; he was as pale as a ghost.

"Draw?" He squeaked.

She nodded.

"Defiantly slytherin, then?" He asked her, already knowing the answer.

The girl just smirked as she headed to the green and silver table, "You bet your ass."

The hall was silent for a few moments.

There was an uncomfortable chough, and then the headmaster spoke.

"Yes…. Well... on any event, I would like you to meet our new teachers, as it does seem like we're replacing them quit often. So, your new defense against the dark arts teacher: Professor Tonks!"

Tonks went to stand up abruptly when her name was called, but she somehow got caught in the chair behind her and tripped sideways, on the very annoyed Severus Snape who happened to sit next to her. The both fell to the floor, Tonks' head landing right between Snape's legs, to the hall's grate amusement.

Snape got up, of course, very quickly. He does not do awkward. He shot Tonks a glare, which she didn't notice.

She hissed in pain and cursed rather loudly, and got up, her hair turning a shocking purple color with green strips.

She then noticed the rest of the all staring at her. Her hair turned a screaming pinkish-red and she sat down with a muttered "Sorry professors."

Some students sniggered. Others were too busy staring at the hair.

Harry just kept looking at his empty dinner plate. He was a little surprised to hear that Tonks would be teaching, as he didn't even notice she was there up until now, but mostly it didn't matter much to him. She'll just be another 'friend' who'll spy on him and, probably, turn in disgust if she ever found out about what he did this summer.

"Hmm... well, on any event," Dumbledore said again, "let us meet our new muggle studies teacher-"

Harry blocked him out and stopped listening, not caring who the next teacher was - It hardly mattered now anyway.

Once the food finally arrived, he gulped it down, said his good-nights to Ginny, Lavender and the others around, and then left as the students were dismissed.

-#-#-#--#-# #-#-#

The next morning was not that eventful, relatively. Not that there wasn't anything happening.

Thanking god for giving Dumbledore at least enough brains to give all the seventh-years their own privet rooms in and around Gryffindor tower, Harry sat down in his now new usual place next to Ginny, facing the hall, and started to lode his plate with food.

"Morning Harry," said Ginny cheerfully from beside him. "Pass the pumpkin juice please?"

"Morning," He passed the juice and kept eating.

"Pour you some too, Harry?" she asked, emphasizing his name with a light stump on his foot.

"Ow! Wha-Oh! Yes, thank you, I'd love some." Said Harry, remembering a conversation they had a few days earlier and passing her his cup. He turned back to his food, and when his glass was handed back to him, he drank it all in two big gulps.

He put the cup down slowly, a dazed look on his face, his eyes glossy.

A second later it was gone and Harry shook his head, like getting rid of a daydream.

"Harry, is everything alright?" Ginny looked at him with concern, and then put a hand on his forehead, "you looked out of it for a minute."

"M' fine." He said, smiling at her. "Say… Ginny, did you do something with your hair? It looks kinda nice, I like it."

"Why thank you Harry, I did." She smiled widely at him. "I couldn't help notice you let your hair grow this summer too, Harry. It's quit nice on you."

Harry blushed a little, just enough for those closely around (or for those with a magical ways to watch everything happening and therefore, meddle in) to see.

"Thank you, I happen to like it myself." He said, and went back to his food. Under the table, Ginny squeezed his hand twice.

Mission accomplished.

Now all I have to do is be seen holding hands with Ginny a couple of times during the year, maybe fake a hurried snog session or two, and Dumblefuck'll gobble it all up.

Not looking at the headmaster, Harry was about to start on his chocolate pudding when professor McGonagall came over to the table to hand out the schedules for the year.

"Yes!" he said, looking at what's for today. "Double potions right on Monday mornings!" He smiled wickedly to himself. "Can't wait."

"Harry?? Did you just say you can't wait for potions?!" exclaimed Neville, who was sitting near by and happened to hear him.

"Yeah, it'll be fun. Gotta go, don't wanna be late!" and Harry got up and dashed out of the hall.

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

"You will now be creating the dumbfounding easily made potion on page 952 in your books. Those of you who will have trouble making it, will undoubtedly be getting a 'T' for a mark as it will simply prove to me what I have known for years, that you are a bunch of simple minded, witless idiots who can't brew a potion to save their lives."

The potions professor spared a moment to smirk at Neville and Harry, who gave a weak smirk.

"Those of you who will succeed, which won't be many, shall bottle the potion and put it on my table for marking."

Harry nodded with a smile, opened the textbook to the right page, and as he predicted, the potion was very complex and incredibly difficult; it also involved a lot of stirring and perfect timing.

He frowned. He wanted to make a move on the man, subtly of course, but how….? He suddenly smirked; he had just the perfect idea.

Walking to the potion-cupboard Harry paused in his steps due to the line of students taking ingredients from within, but Harry wasn't upset, as it fit quite well in his plans.

Noticing that Snape was standing several feet from him, Harry pretended to trip on something and 'accidentally' fell on the man who sneered and pushed Harry away from him.

"Watch your step Potter! Or you'll set the whole lab off, you idiot boy!"

"Sorry professor."

Ahhh, shame, he has such a great body... I can't believe I felt him up, hope he didn't notice…

But Harry didn't know that Snape was aware of the groping and was frowning at him, and so he got back to his table, arms filled with the potion stuff and a shit-eating smirk on his face.

Getting the potion started, Harry pushed his glasses up (Lilo is the one wearing contact lenses since Harry didn't want people to notice the differences). After an hour and a half or so of working on the option with one eye and spying on Snape to see if he came near with the other, he read the next and final line of instructions.

-After three minutes had passed, stir for five minutes with a wooden spoon, seven times clockwise and two against, till the liquid turns to the light shade of sapphire.

Grinning, Harry did as it said in the book and when Snape finally came closer to his table to inspect his progress, Harry started step two of his 'seducing-Severus-Snape-so-he-could-fuck-me-so-hard' scheme.

Slowly as though not to cause any suspicion, he started trailing his hand up and down the wooden spoon he was holding, on every other stir. He could almost just imagine it was one of the twins' cocks or, even better, Severus' and almost unconsciously his hand moved a bit faster and his tongue darted out to wet his suddenly dry lips. He let out a tiny little moan under his breath.

"What do you think you're doing, Potter?" A voice barked and Harry opened his eyes (when did I close them???) to look at the person who spoke, and almost froze when he saw it was Snape.

But Snape wasn't looking at him but rather at his hand that were still moving up and down, and on occasion flickering at the top, like Harry always did in order to spread the pre-come that gathered there.

Harry placed the best 'innocent and confused' look he ever did, wide eyes, slight blush and parted lips. A look for an Oscar, he thought, the same he used on his first ever shoot.

"What is it sir? Am I doing it wrong?" He licked his lips absentmindedly.

There it is again! Too bad the lights here are so dim; you can barely see it... His flush is so … edible…

"T-Ten points from Gryffindor! For… E-Excessive hand movements."

Pause.

"And closing your eyes. Yes. Now bottle your sad pathetic excuse for a potion-"

The bell rang outside the dungeon door.

"-and get out! Dismissed!!"

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#--#-

Harry rather thought that after the treatment that Granger and Weasley got on the train earlier that day, they would get the idea and stop pretending to be nice to him and stick to him like madam Pince to a first year noise maker. But apparently, he was wrong.

"Oh Harry, that was so unfair of professor Snape to take points off you like that for no reason. I mean, it doesn't matter how you use your hands, or even blinked for a second, as long as it's stirred correctly, right? And besides in 'Potions and Herbs for Seventh-"

Harry cut her off before she gave him a headache.

"No, he was right. I used too much hand." And not enough mouth. Not on the place I want to, anyway. "It was fair. No, I don't care what that book says. I probably read it already, believe it or not. Not interested. Good bye."

And before Weasley was able to say more then the usual unintelligent "Oi!" he was gone, off to the next lesson, which happened to be DADA. The girl watched him go in irritation.

#--#-#-#-#-#-#

On his way, Harry couldn't help but notice the big herd of slytherin first-years making its way down the dungeon corridor, chatting away nervously about something or other. On his other side, that is to say, from the way he came from, he saw Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini, walking together in their usual snobbish manner.

Harry smirked. He got an idea.

"Julia!" he called and snatched her out of the herd. "Wait a second. I want you to meet somebody."

"Harry…?" she asked, getting even more nervous. Rose Lerner, her friend and fellow slytherin, stuck behind to wait for her. She looked unsure. "What are you doing..?"

"You'll see, it'll be fun. Hey Zabini!" he called as he and Malfoy walked passed, "come here for a sec."

The two Slytherins stopped.

"What do you want, Potter?" Malfoy sneered at him.

"I want to talk to Zabini here. You can go, if you like. But you'll miss it."

"And what exactly do you think I'd not want to miss? You're well overdue tortures death, finally?"

"Oh, no, there's still some time for that."

Malfoy made a small sigh of disappointment.

"No, we're going to have ourselves a nice little family reunion!"

Julia grabbed Harry's arm painfully. "Harry…? What are you doing, are you crazy?"

Harry just smiled at her. "Hmm… I don't think so. But then again, I could be wrong… anyway," he turned to Zabini, "Blaise, I'd like you to meet Julia Keller. Julia, this is Blaise Zabini, and guess what?"

They both shrugged at him, a look of concern for his sanity on their faces.

"You're related! Isn't that great??" Harry was practically jumping up and down from excitement.

Zabini looked at Julia. "I'm related… to her?" he said in a flat voice.

"Uh huh!" Harry answered enthusiastically.

"Umm… How?"

"Do you want the short story or the long story?"

-#-#-#-#-#--

"Watcher, Harry!"

"Hay, Ton- err, professor Tonks."

She smiled at him. Harry noticed that at least her hair was a normal color this time, considering. Dark blue. Great.

"It'll be fun teaching here for a change, instead of being a student. I haven't been here in a long while…" She looked out the classroom window for a little bit, and then sighed. "Well, I suppose I will manage it all, somehow."

She kept looking out of the window, with a slightly sad face. Harry turned to see what she was looking at, when he saw, Remus Lupin out on the grounds playing….what the hell???...playing fetch with Sirius' dog form.

With a jolt Harry remembered a part of Dumbledore's speech that he ignored; 'let us meet our new muggle studies teacher- professor Lupin who will be returning to us for a new year with his lovely pet dog!'

Harry frowned he really ought to start working on noticing things.

"Listen Tonks, about Sirius and Rem-"

"You know? I wonder what we'll have for dinner; I fancy a roast peacock and some chips."

Harry turned to her, bewildered, and a little disgusted. "Tonks…?"

The woman went to her desk and sat down. "No, maybe I should have some pizza with-all-the-squid-toppings or a Big Mac N' goat cheese…" and then without warning she dropped her head into her hands and started sobbing loudly. Startled, Harry went to her side and started comforting her.

"What's the matter?"

Tonks raised blood shot eyes to look at him. "What's wrong with me? Why can't he just feel the same why I do? Why didn't he say that he had no feelings for me? I had to find out about him sleeping with my cousin because the damn silencing charms wore off!" She growled and her hair turned a black color before changing back again to dark blue, only with electric yellow streaks.

"Awww Tonks, you know there's nothing wrong with you," Harry said gently, "you're charming, funny, and smart, professor." He smiled. "If anything, it's Remus' and Sirius' fault for not telling you sooner, and not taking your feelings into account. You know, there's a saying: 'No man is worth your tears. And the man who is will never make you shed them'. You'll find someone better, you'll see. Some hot, straight, muscled guy who likes your hair, eyes, and sense of humor. Oh, but make sure he's not an asshole, there's a lot of 'em out there."

Tonks gave a weak snort but didn't answer.

"Even though he's my godfather, and it pains me to say anything ill about him, I still have to admit that he can be an idiot sometimes-"

Tonks snorted again. "Sometimes?"

"Okay, most of the time, but its part of his charm, you know? He didn't mean to hurt you intentionally, you're a favorite cousin! And Remus… Well, you just can't help who you fall in love with. Can you blame him for loving the man who became the only close friend left to him in the whole world since my father's death?"

"He- I- We were meant for each other!" she choked out. "He was supposed to be my- my- my Remus…" she whispered and hugged herself tightly. He came closer and hugged her, as she whipped away the tears in her eyes. "It seemed so right to me, ever since I met him, that Remus and I should end up together. It's just that- well, if we weren't meant to be, at least let the girl down easy, y'know? I didn't really appreciate the wake-up shock." Tonks gave a small, weak laugh. "Well, I hope he likes his new boyfriend. Cus' I don't think I'll be able to talk to either of them after all of this mess. Oh and by the way," she put a hand on his shoulder, "I was there when your letter arrived at the order. I really didn't think of it all that way till you said it from your prospective. I don't like what Dumbledore's doing to you either, with all his manipulations and half truths. I'm on your side now, and I'll try to muck up all my orders for your benefit, ok?"

Harry nodded a grateful smile on his face.

"And one last thing," said Tonks, "I think I know who your sources were, do I get my cookie now?"

The bell rang for the beginning of class. Harry got up and moved to his seat in the middle of the room.

"Oh, and Harry?"

He stopped and turned to look at his professor.

"Thanks."

Harry definitely has to have a very serious talk with his god-mutts.

Tbc.

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A/N: Ah-huh! Another one done! And not a moment too soon, eh folks? We did have a few setbacks, but we managed!

It came to our attention that you want more sex in the story (well who wouldn't!!?). Well, you'll just have to be patient! It will come (such a lovely pun. And when it will, it will be brilliant, fantastic, and mind blowing, (And that's not all it'll be blowing! ;) so that's that!

Quote: "You know? I wonder what we'll have for dinner; I fancy roast peacock and some chips."

Peacock? Ha! Revenge, Lucius Malfoy!! XD

If you must know, my (rock junkie) other story's doing great, thanks for asking. And you know what?

Just because you met our record for the most reviews to a chapter, I'll tell you the name of my new project! It's called "Watch Your Ass". I might change the name at some point, but that's that for now.

If you break the record for most reviews to a chapter, I'll give you a lust filled preview of the hottest bit I wrote so far. I promise.

Do it. Or else.

P.s –forgot to add, but we counted the votes for Ginny's new play thing-we mean girlfriend… but now that we have said votes, we came to a problem- neither of us knows how to write a lesbian sex scene but if you'll give us a lot of reviews with tips, I'm sure we will manage.

Idea: Harry should totally have his tongue pierced. With one of those rainbow colored spongy spiked balls. Gives an extra thrill in BJs, don't you think?