Chapter 12: Bikinis….shorts…nothing at all?

(Disclaimer in chapter 1!)

Walking to lunch, Harry mentally sniggered at the new version of DADA lessons.

Yes, Tonks knew a lot of things about dark creatures and evil thingies and yes, what she lacked in confidence she made up with enthusiasm, but she had a major problem with coordination, as she demonstrated by tripping on one of the statues in the room, making not only herself fall but also that statue, that fell on another, and another, and another, and so on.

While it was fun watching the domino affect and Tonks muttering apologies, Harry was quite disappointed that he hadn't learn anything new that lesson. Ah well- perhaps next time.

Entering the great hall he paused when he saw two very familiar students talking to one-another at the far end of the slytherin table.

Walking towards them, and ignoring the death glares sent his way, he raised his hands and placed them on Blaise's and Julia's shoulders.

With a shit eating grin, he said "How are my two favorite newly related members on this fine day???"

While Blaise was staring at him, horror-shocked, Julia rolled her eyes, typical Harry, and moved his hand from her shoulder.

"What are you doing here, Potter? Go back to GryffinDORK table." Sneered Malfoy, who was sitting across from them.

"Oh no, I wouldn't, not till I have all the facts about my newest family-get-together project. So, have you plotted the next cousin picnic yet? Can I go too?"

"You're really annoying, you know that, right?" Asked Blaise.

"Oh yeah, about that, did you know that cousins can really annoy you after a while? I should know; I had to live with one. Not to mention her." He pointed at Julia. "So it would be best not to keep her around for too long, you know, or she might begin to like you and be all clingy, always following you around, never shutting up about her 'secret' crush from 4th grade-"

"Shut up Potter!! I didn't tell everyone about your miserable excuse for a first kiss-" Julia was cut off.

"-And you won't, not unless you want to keep what's left of your hair after that gum incident-"

"-Shut up!!!" she screamed, furious, then took a scoop of mash potatoes with the serving spoon and dumped it on Harry's head.

Silence.

Harry raised a hand to his hair and gently touched the oozing mash on his head.

Raising it to his eyes, he turned to Julia who was staring at him shocked, obviously scared for her life. As a number one rule she must have heard from the Slytherins was:

Never piss off Harry Potter, his mother was a red head and his father a marauder.

(A/n: all rights reserved to DikiCat for that excellent rhyme, and no.1 rule.)

"H…Harry???"

Green eyes flashed to the girl who by now noticed that her fellow house members were in a certain precautious distance from her.

Harry growled as he stood up, making Julia shrink a bit in her seat, and reached for the spaghetti and meat balls bowl. Half way through throwing it, Julia apparently got enough slytherin surviving sense as she ducked.

The meat balls spaghetti however didn't stop in mid air as it traveled to the other side of the table and hit….

Draco Malfoy.

The blond wiped the food from his face, and furious gray eyes turned to Harry. "You are so DEAD Potter!" He yelled, and threw the closest thing to him, pizza, at the annoying prat, not caring that Harry ducked at the last second and the slice was slammed into the head of a Ravenclaw third year. He just throw another dish anyway.

Julia gasped as she saw the new dish heading Harry's way, and without warning or thought quickly grabbed her cosine, Blaise, and put him in the line of fire.

Direct hit.

"Oh...Blaise I didn't mean to hit you…" Draco said to his best friend, who didn't even give a damm, as he himself grabbed some tuna salad and not even bothering to throw it, flipped it right on the ice prince of hell…I mean Slytherin's, head.

Harry didn't even realized he was in danger until someone, probably the Ravenclaw kid who was hit by the pizza, throw a macaroni and cheese chunk at him.

"FOOD FIGHT!!"

Half the Gryffindors had to duck when that scream came, as more then most of the slytherin occupants started to attack them with food.

Harry, who had taken cover under the slytherin table with Draco beside him, could hear McGonagall and the rest of the staff, trying to get order, that is until something very shocking, scary and incredibly funny happened.

"STOP this at ONCE!! You are BEHAVING like a bunch of UNCIVILISED APAS who know nothing-" McGonagall's voice trailed off and both Harry and Draco poked out their heads from beneath the table, to see some ice cream covered with chocolate dripping from the woman's face.

"Oh…" Harry started and Draco finished "Shit."

"QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The teacher bellowed, her voice raised both by sonorous as well as anger, and every single person in the hall stopped.

"This has been the most unbelievable display of chaos that I have ever witnessed. Those responsible for this abomination will step up and get their rightful punishment. And I shall start with you two." She glared at the slytherin table, "Potter, Malfoy, get out from under there and march to my office where we will discuss you detentions. NOW!"

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And that's how Harry found himself in a classroom down in the dungeons, with Draco Malfoy, pansy Parkinson, Ginny Weasley (Harry had no idea how she got into this), Blaise Zabini and (she being the poor innocent victim in a fight between the two houses- or so she said to professor McGonagall in an attempt to get away from punishment,) Julia Keller joined them all in detention.

But we are getting ahead of time, as there was still the muggle studies class to look forward to.

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Harry sighed. He really didn't want to be in this class, as he grew up as a muggle, and taking a class about muggles wasn't exactly his cup of tea, but…But he knew that at least he could give a little payback to his godfathers, all for Tonks, of course.

"Hello class," Remus Lupin said, welcoming the class of Gryffindor and slytherin students, is it just him or is Dumbledore trying to get all the students killed by mixing those two houses together in class? That was as far as Remus got, as Sirius, in dog form, raced through the class before jumping on Harry, making him fall as he started to lick his face.

Disgusting.

"No padfoot! Don't!" Remus yelled but wasn't exactly helping as he burst out laughing at his lover's antics.

Harry pushed the dog of him, immediately casting a cleansing charm on his face, who knows where that tongue has been? "Bad dog!" He growled, affectively making Sirius stop and stare at his godson in shock, and Harry had a feeling that the man was simply shocked that his godson berated him in such fashion, "You have fleas," he said in an innocent manner, snickering when the dog growled.

Harry giggled as he leaned over and whispered in the dog's ear "Maybe you should ask moony to give you a bath…"

"Woof!" Sirius' tail wiggling around, obviously happy with the idea. Harry stood up and stared down at the dog. "No Scooby snacks for you." He snickered some more from the confused look the dog gave him.

"You okay Harry?" Remus asked almost doubling over in his laughter. His increased hearing heard everything that Harry said to the mutt, and unlike the drooling mutt, he actually understood everything.

"M' Okay professor."

Harry answered as he sat on one of the chairs in the back of the class.

"Right, class," Remus gathered everyone's attention, "this coming year's going to be very interesting for all of us, and rather enjoyable, to wizard and muggle raised students alike, not to mention the teachers. Professor Dumbledore and I had a very long chat about this year, and we came up with a schedule that will benefit, educate, and keep us all busy! As you all probably know by now, muggle studies is a must by law, and is a crucial key to understanding and peace. So, on to business!" he exclaimed, startling the students out of what they thought would be another boring speech about muggle-wizard cooperation for the peace of all mind kind yadda yadda yadda- "you have one hour of muggle studies everyday. Now, you won't just sit here in class and write dull stuff like why muggles need light bulbs or disc-mans. No. if you really want to know, why not just ask a muggle-born? I'm sure they'll tell you in a sec. what we WILL be doing will be much more fun and beneficial. Miss. Brown, will you please hand these over to the rest of the class?" he gave her a stack of paper sheets, and she walked around the class, handing each one a piece of paper with what looked like a schedule on it, and they read it all together with Lupin:

-# #-#-#-#-#

Mondays:

Home Economics:

Learn how to cook, sow, and take care of your home and future children (a/n: baby project! Pair up and take care of a magical baby doll that poops, cries and eats) like any average muggle home! Nutrition, muggle human development, interior design, textiles, family economics, housing, human sciences, and human ecology!

Tuesdays:

Computers and Electronics:

Connect and interact with the wonders of muggle electronics and computers! Learn the intriguing history of muggle technology and how to operate simple tasks on the computer, how to work and use everyday muggle appliances!

Wednesdays:

Home Economics and Workshop OR Art and Painting:

Learn how to build useful things from wood clay and metal, in our own muggle workshop! Chairs, tables, wood art, swords and pottery! Build electrical contraptions and learn their use in everyday muggle life!

OR:

Paint like the pros in muggle art and painting! Learn the history and culture of muggle art and the fine points of sculpturing and painting in different styles and materials!

Thursdays:

Physical Education:

Spend some time in the outdoors and learn all about muggle sports and fitness! PE will include muggle sports games, team competition and weekly workouts. (boys and girls separated.)

Friday Nights:

MOVIE NIGHT!

Watch the classic muggle movies in our new movie night special!

Saturdays:

OPTINAL, Music day program.

Learn how to play an instrument and join our newly formed school band! (On non-quiddich and non-Hogsmeade weekends.)

ALSO:

Races and sport tournaments between teams! (Sorted by year and gender.)

-#-#-#-#-#

The was much exited murmuring in the class room as they finished reading the schedule sheet.

"Hmm… Professor?" Harry raised his hand in the air; he really couldn't help but tease his wolffather a bit more. "All of the sportive activities will include teachers, right? To encourage student-teacher bonding?"

Remus gave him a knowing grin. "Yes Harry, it has taken most of Dumbledore's convincing to agree to that, but yes, all of the fit teachers will participate in the sporting activities."

Harry was glad Remus stressed the fit as a completely scary picture of McGonagall in a bikini and Dumbledore in just his underwear came into his mind. In order to wipe it all clean Harry quickly came up with a picture of Severus naked with just a towel on, in order to relive him.

While incredibly hot, said picture gave him a different problem none the less. He acted as usual.

"Any more questions?" Remus asked and one of the Slytherins raised his hand, and with a considerable amount of disgust in his voice he said "Do we have to participate? I mean this is just filthy mug…. I mean some of us don't know how to play these…games." He finished and Harry sent him a small smirk at how he changed his sentence after a well placed glare from the wolf…or maybe it had something to do with the growl Sirius gave.

Remus smirked "well you'll just have to learn then, won't you? Any more questions?" Harry raised his hand yet again.

"Yes, Harry?"

The boy gave an innocent grin, that didn't fool Remus in the slightest. "So does this include swimming?"

Frowning, Remus nodded and Harry grinned "That means you and the younger staff members will be wearing swimsuits? Bikinis….shorts…nothing at all?" He giggle a bit at the end, and he wasn't the only one, as some of the students perked up at that, obviously they had not thought of that option, and Harry smirked in pleasure as he saw some of the girls, and one or two boys, checking Remus out.

Remus coughed as he himself felt a blush coming on; trust Sirius' godson to worry about things like that.

"Yes Harry, we will also have swimming competitions, if you were wondering…"

Harry smirked as he cocked his head to the side in what he later heard was a very cute way.

"What about those who don't know how to swim? Will one of the professors teach them? You know…one on one practices?" he gave a rueful wink and Remus laughed, "Perhaps, don't get your hopes up."

"Now we are going to start off with computers; the way they work and how to activate them and then we'll turn them on! So get ready…"

Harry grinned as he walked to the computer's lab in the class next door. Professor moony explained to them about how all of their muggle classrooms will be spread on this floor, and in case of explanations or gatherings they will be in the main classroom which is the one they just left.

Soon everyone was seated next to a computer and Remus explained about the screen, keyboard and mouse (the last made purebloods frown as they wondered about the mouse that didn't look anything like a mouse at all, and that was after some of the girls had to be convinced down from the chairs they were standing on, that it wasn't a real mouse and it wouldn't hurt them), then came the faze where Remus explained about the net, and games as well as word documenting and e-mail, (making their, purebloods, god bless them, head spin from all the new information which they wrote down) before they were all finely allowed to turn on the computers.

That was the one thing that made all the muggle-born/raised children reach their limits as they cracked up, not being to take all of the…. (Remus will be in the leaned and bold writing)

What was that noise?!? (one screamed as she backed away) /that was the computer starting itself, it's not going to hurt you.

What are those light things is it going to explode!??/ No it's just the entrance to the desktop, it is called a desktop because…. you usually work on a desktop.

I pressed a button and it stuck its tongue at me!!/ That was the CD drive, where you place a disk that holds some form of information.

Why are the pictures there not moving/ Muggle pictures don't move/ oh? Then what is this? (points to a moving icon) / this is some form of animation which is the art of moving stilled pictures

And the like…. The most surprising of all was when they saw Lavender Brown ticking away at the computer with a rapt expression on her fast, as her eyes roved the pages. When she noticed that most were staring at her simply glared as she spoke icily "What? It's just chat rooms." She defended, rolling her eyes. but Harry knew she was lying as those sites he saw on the screen were not chat rooms but rather virus security things and the like…who knew that Lav Lav was a computer geek and our very own hacker!!?

(A/n:: movie idea:: instead of FREE WILLY- the dolphin movie, FREE MY WILLY-the porn movie!)

"Professor?" Harry put his hand in the air as a sudden thought hit him and Lupin walked over to him. "How did you manage this? As far as I know there is too much magic in the air around Hogwarts for computers to work. And besides, shouldn't this be against the misuse of muggle artifacts law or something?" And then in a whisper that only Lupin (and maybe Sirius, if he was really listening) could hear, he said "We need to talk later about Tonks, she's depressed."

"Yes Harry, that's a very good question!" The professor exclaimed, seemingly ignoring Harry's whisper. "Dumbledore was able with consent from the ministry, to create this sort of 'bubble' if you will, that encourages electronic devices to work, and even supplies the power- magic, instead of electricity, which would be difficult to get in this area. We are tapped into the wireless internet system of the nearest muggle city, the magic enlarging and magnifying the signal as the place is very far away from here. So- serf the web, play, and have fun! We will start on Microsoft word next week. Now take your time to adjust to working on a computer, and if you need any help, call me, or any muggle-born student here. Enjoy!" And he was off, joining his 'dog' in the corner. Harry noticed that he whispered something to him, and the dog shook his head a bit, and then gave a small bark and growl.

Lupin backed off, before he growled right back at the dog. Said dog just shook his head and growled even louder, adding a little bark to it. Not long after a sort of 'tug of war' started with lupine's jacket being ripped apart by both Padfoot's and Mooney's mouths.

As the noise got louder and louder, the seventh year class turned, startled, to see the cause of the animalistic noises, and staring when they found it.

Lupin apparently came into his senses under their stares and dropped his jacket from his mouth, blushing. He stammered "Oh, just ignore me…" He tried blending into the background and while turning back to their computers, everyone could hear Draco Malfoy saying "Always knew he was a weirdo…" And Harry couldn't resist a chuckle.

Harry grinned as he looked at something that caught his eye on his screen. Maybe I should get 'uncle Jonny' to buy me one of these…for the show of course… He giggled as he saw Remus walking towards him.

"Harry, what are you looking…at??" his godfather stared at the screen shocked and Harry turned innocent puppy eyes at him "I don't know…it just came up... I didn't do anything…" (Liar liar pants on fire) He grinned before adding quietly so that only Remus could hear "But it does look good, right? How much do you think it costs?"

Remus blushed furiously as the thought of using it on Sirius came up to his mind, and he really couldn't help but let out a tiny moan. With Harry smiling knowingly at him, Lupin coughed, "Perhaps you should take my computer while I …. While I sort this problem."

Harry grinned at him "Sure professor whatever you say," and got up.

He walked over to where Blaise was sitting and quickly whispered something into his ear, causing the boy to chock and turn wild eyes at him. "Really??" He gasped and Harry gave a knowing wink. Looking around, to make sure that nobody was looking their way, he whispered again, and if anyone bothered to listen, they would have heard '….is staring at you all the time...' and '….love his blond hair surrounding his face….' and the most incriminating of all '….those big pouting kissable lips that makes you unable to resist leaning over….'

Maybe now Draco would finally get laid, Harry snickered mentally at his genius plan, must be the part of the genes I got from mom, they were bound to come up sometime.

Blaise frowned, thinking of Harry's proposal, if he had to admit, the thought was tempting…Oh who was he kidding he was dreaming of his blond angel ever since third grade, and he was as close as giving up on him as much as Potter was ready to finally admit that he didn't like girls (honestly who was that boy kidding with?!?), but to actually do it?? Should he…?

"Okay, I'm in." he said a second later leaving Harry grinning in victory as the lesson ended.

"Harry, oh god, how I missed you!" Harry gasped as he was hugged to death by his godfather, panting hard Harry breathed out, "I need air!"

"Oh, sorry," The dog-man blushed as he let go. Harry rolled his eyes. "You do realize you saw me during the whole class, right?"

Sirius raised a hand to his chest and another to his forehead, stumbling a few steps backwards. "How can you say that??? I am your godfather, your favorite in all of the world!" He turned to his lover, "Did you hear that moony? Harry's questioning my sanity!"

Remus snickered at his lover's antics. "Your sanity, or lack there of, needs to be questioned, padfoot."

Said dog just growled, making a thought appear in Harry's mind. "Hey Remus, what the fuck was that during class?"

Said werewolf just flushed. "I don't know, I think it has something to do with the new version of Wolfsbane Severus has been giving me to try out, it made me feel all puppy like." He giggled before covering his mouth, "See?" He gestured as he dissolved in giggles yet again.

Harry sent a smirk to the wolf, "Maybe it's just your libido awakening." Sirius gave a snort as he grabbed his lover by the waist "Now what is it that I saw you looking at on the computer?" He nipped Remus' ear causing the man to gasp and moan when his thoughts returned to that fantasy. "Oh, just a little thing I want to try…" with that he slammed his lips with Sirius, not caring about the 'child' in the room. (Inappropriate behavior! gasp, report report! …oh forget it too hot.)

Sirius moaned hard and broke the kiss off only to whisper "Well… I wouldn't want to deprive you of your heart's desire" he grinned as he dragged the professor to his office door, leaving Harry in the classroom thinking that maybe that talk about Tonks would have to wait….

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Harry sat at dinner, Ginny leaning over him to reach the strawberry tart she wanted, laughing with Neville about the 'unfortunate' accident that happened to Smith right after muggle studies.

Really it was so strange how he tried to enter a boy's bathroom only to bump into moaning myrtle instead, by mistake of course, and to get an icy kiss from her, then to see her blush an icy blue, before performing a head dive into the toilet. Again completely accidental…weird huh?

Ron and Hermione were sitting a few seats away, and noticing, Ginny turned to Harry with a smile "Oh, sorry, I do hope you don't mind, do you darling? I just really want that tart." She asked and Harry knowing why, simply grinned as he grabbed her waist. "For you my love, I would endure the deepest pit in hell." The girl giggled and placed a kiss on Harry's cheek (one of their rules was no kissing on the mouth due to one reason or another. And when someone questioned them about it, they simply said that they were saving it all for the wedding day.) Harry sighed as he turned to watch the head table for a certain someone.

He was truly upset that he seemed to be running out of ideas on how to complete his 'seducing-Severus-Snape-so-he-could-fuck-me-so-hard' scheme.

Maybe Fred and George could give me some ideas….

He sighed as he got up with Ginny at his side and started making their way to detention.

He wondered what it will bring, before perking up when he remembered that it will be served in Snape's dungeon. He quickly hurried his footsteps…..

Tbc…

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A/n: we're evil like that….. So no detention… yet.

I (RockJunkie) have to say that even though some people DID appreciate our writing and story telling skills, some however, do not. And MOST of you, who read our story don't understand that promises should be kept on both sides of the fandom world.

So, DikiCat and I, yours truly, have decided that collective punishment is in order. Personally, I just wish I could spank you all, but that would just turn you on, wouldn't it? (I know I'm hot!) But, due to time and space constraints, we can't really do that, now can we?

No no no, we can, I just came up with it! You know… my super cool idea….! What is it?... we can send it to them virtually!!!... smart… smack! ha! I bet you loved that!

Anyway… I will NOT gift you with a lusty preview from my 'watch your ass' story. (yeah yeah quit your whining,) BUT… I will give a SMALL preview only for those who did keep their promise.

spell being cast so that only worthy people can view

"So responsive…" Said the person behind him quietly, "Hmm… I wonder…"

"Yup, rim-job slut. What do you think, Draco, will he beg me for it?" He gave another lick and Harry shivered.

Harry was trembling, legs spread as much as he can in his half standing stance. He wished he was sitting, or lying down, or floating in mid air, didn't matter as long as he could get more of those tongues on him, in him, around him.

spell ending

Nah nah nah nah, not all of you could see that, could you? I am such a genious!

So… do try harder next time, and I promise, the next one will be from DikiCat's story! Severus/Harry/Lucius one, you know you'd like it.

Now onto other news, next chapter will have a sex scene in it, won't tell you who's but oh so very hot.

P.s forgot to add, due to DikiCat's unfortunate end of first semester (where had that time go to) it will appear that she will be absent in writing the next chapter...not all of it mind you but the majority of it all will go RockJunkie, wish me luck I better not fail.

See you next time!