Chapter 14: Am I supposed to touch it?
(Disclaimer in chapter 1!)
It was a bright Wednesday morning, with birds singing outside and a maaaaa-gicaaal rainbow peaking out from under the sun….oh, who was Harry kidding? This new Wednesday morning looked like shit, what with those damm clouds and no potions class to amuse him today. He just thought he would go through it, but no potions- it got him a bit down.
Or it could have been Granger, who sat next to him, uninvited at breakfast, muttering something at him that he really didn't give a damm about.
'…it's weird, I mean I swear I saw him looking at you Harry, and it wasn't with hate so it was even weirder…"
Harry frowned as he caught that phrase "Wait, who was looking at me?"
Granger frowned in annoyance, not that Harry cared. "Snape of course, hadn't you been listening to me?" she added waspishly.
"No." Harry shrugged as he bit into his omelet, "I have better things to do with my time." Before Granger could complain Harry stirred her back to the conversation.
"So, Master Snape was staring at me?" He asked and Hermione shot him a look. "Master Snape, Harry? You really shouldn't call him that, Harry; he might punish you (I wish). And yeah, Harry, he really was staring at you, frowning like usual but there seemed to be something else in that look, Harry, like he was trying to figure something out….Anyway, I was wondering if you know what will we study on Lupin's class today because I was thinking….." Harry ignored her right after.
So, Severus was thinking about me, huh? I wonder what that means….oh hell, who cares? As long as I'm on his mind I'm happy…well if he only thinks of me with sexual thoughts, otherwise I will care….
The bell signaling the start of classes rang, and Harry sighed as he got up for the first class of the day; muggle studies.
As they were going to study something new today, they were meeting in The Primary Class for Remus to tell them what the class was and where.
Sitting at one of the desks in the back, Harry cursed his bad luck yet again.
"Alright class," Remus called. He was leaning against his desk, in a somewhat sprawl way and was wearing deep gold dark-brown robes that exenterated his eyes.
He was also smiling in a tired but satisfied way that gave Harry and several others no problem in guessing that someone got lucky last night…and this morning.
With silence surrounding the class, Remus pulled out an old top hat filled with small paper notes.
"As I am always up for the whole inter house relationship scheme," He shot a wild grin at the class, "I have managed to come up with this amazingly thought of idea, which frankly amazed even me of its sheer genius. (He's spending to much time with Sirius.) This idea will defiantly help with the legendary inter house animosity."
Like Harry suspected, and secretly laughed about, the whole class started pelting Remus with questions and outraged cries.
"Silence!" Remus growled, not even needing to shout, not that Harry ever heard him doing such a thing- The man was too happy. Before continuing, "Now, one by one in an orderly fashion."
All arms immediately rose.
"Yes Mr. Nott?" Remus started and the boy glared "Why on earth would we want to bond with the other houses?!" At this over half of the class dropped their hands.
Remus gave the boy an apprising look "Should I be surprised or relieved that a Slytherin didn't figure out my simple reasoning behind this?"
The boy seemed outraged but couldn't complain as Remus continued "There are all sorts of things other people, especially those from rival houses, could teach you-"
"-Like what?" The boy spat and Remus answered a smirk "There are some things that are best left unsaid and discovered alone." He spoke mysteriously and Harry frowned wondering if he was right in his thinking. (a/n: if you can guess what DikiCat's dirty mind thought off before you read ahead, you will get a cookie or if you're allergic then a gold star)
"But for now, all you need to know and care about is that I make the rules in these classes, and you just follow them." That sentence didn't bring comfort to anyone.
"So" Remus clapped his hands, "what we will be studying today, and don't worry it's Dumbledore/ministry approved material, is…" He paused in a dramatic fashion "…the preparation for the future generation!!"
Pause.
Silence.
"What? I thought it was cute!" Remus said enthusiastically, still grinning evilly.
"What the hell does that mean?" one Ravenclaw burst out and Remus turned around making most of the class shiver in trepidation as he rubbed his hands in glee and laughed evilly under his breath.(defiantly spending too much time with Sirius)
Quickly turning around, Remus cried out (the class jumping in shock and surprise, both at the gesture and the explanation) "It means…………. BABY PROJECT!!"
Pause.
Chaos.
"Silence!" the man grinned as he surveyed his class "I wasn't done."
Silence.
"That's more like it…now where was I? Oh yeah, baby project. The really good part/thing with it will be…you get to pick out your partners." The last announcement brought everyone into a stopper, what was the catch?
Remus cackled a bit more (maybe it was Snape he was spending to much time with?) before grinning "You will each pick up a name from this hat and the one you will choose will be your partner, isn't it great?"
Harry broke the shocked silence by bursting in laughter.
"How in hell did you convince Dumbledore to let you teach this? And if what I'm thinking is correct, and it usually is, do we get to have a sex-ed class as well?"
Everyone in class burst out laughing but Remus was still smirking "I wouldn't laugh if I were you, and believe me Harry, it was quite easy to convince Dumbledore to arrange this…" with that he plucked out the white sheet covering one of the desks near him, that everyone wondered what was under reveling….
Dolls.
Baby dolls.
Ugly, partly bold, diaper wearing baby dolls.
The class wasn't amused.
"Your job will be to raise them during the year, and you will get marks on it" it was said with another evil laugh and a small bounce.
"Now who wants to find out their partner first?"
Not surprising no one volunteered.
"Alright I will pick…Hannah Abbot, step up please." The young Hufflepuff girl stepped forward to Remus.
"Take out two papers from the hat." The girl did just that "now put both of your hands behind your back and scramble the notes between your hands" the girl shrugged and did just that, Remus nodded "now I will pick one of your hands and the one I will choose will be your partner. Your name, should it still be in the hat will disappear and you will pick a baby with your partner and a form to fill out" he gestured to the pile of forms on his desk.
Hannah nodded in understanding and Remus started pointing his finger left and right muttering under his breath "…einy mini miney mo…" before settling on the left.
Hannah opened it and read out loud "Michael Corner" she breathed out, everyone knew she had a bit of a crush on him.
Said boy stood from his desk and walked over to Hannah, smiling at her flirtatiously before they went of to pick a baby and fill a form.
"Now wait just a moment Hannah" Remus called and the two stopped in their choosing of a baby "can you give me the other note?" Hannah blushed and gave Remus the other note.
Remus unfolded the note and read the name "Sally-Ann perks" the girl stepped forward and Remus gave her a grin "this will go the same way as with Hannah and the other note will be who's next" the girl nodded and took two notes…
And so it went. Some students were happy with their picks and other not.
And finally it was Harry's turn. (His name was read by Remus who took it from Neville who got Padma Patil).
Harry walked over to Remus feeling nervous, but luckily not too much as both Ron and Hermione were being partnered to someone else (serves them right, maybe it will break them up) before pulling out two notes.
Remus done with his pick gestured Harry to open the right and Harry did so.
"Harry Potter" he read out and some students giggled, Harry turned to Remus.
"I was wondering when it will come to one reading his own name" he muttered before smiling at Harry "the other note will be your partner and I will choose someone next"
Nodding, Harry unfolded the other partner and grinned evilly when he read it "Draco Malfoy"
The slytherin prince groaned, undoubtedly hoping for Blaise to pick him.
Harry gave him a mocking bow and held out his arm to him "Mrs. Malfoy?"
Draco gave an undignified squeak as most of the class snickered loudly "I am not the woman in this relationship, potter!"
Harry wasn't deterred "Oh, so you want me to be it? Feeling a bit dominating, Draco?" the other teen flushed "No!" he cried in shock and Harry snickered "oh, so you are a bottom then?"
This time it was blown out laughter that echoed in the class "Potter!" Draco yelled and Harry nodded "sorry" he grinned "want to pick a baby?" Draco stared at him suspiciously before nodding.
Staring at the babies, Harry absently heard Remus calling Goyel up, he pitied anyone who would get him or Crabbe.
"They look disgusting" Draco commented and Harry giggled, pointing at one he spoke "this one looks kinda normal"
The baby had deep black eyes and a tuft of dirty blond hair lay on his head.
"I suppose" Draco drawled and grabbed the baby by the arm, Harry taking a form from Remus' desk.
They took a seat at one of the front tables before they looked at the form.
Baby Adoption Form – it will be just like you gave birth to him yourself!
Draco: "Yuck."
(Sponsored by the ministry of magic.)
Harry: "Well, Duh. Fudge is that stupid."
Baby's name:
Draco: "Why should I want to name that?! It's a doll."
Harry: "You have no imaginative skills."
Gender:
Draco: "I want a girl."
Harry: "I want a boy."
Draco: "Can't the thing be both?"
Harry: "Wouldn't that make it transsexual?"
Date of birth:
Harry: "Wouldn't it be today? Why even bother writing it here?"
Draco: shrug.
Description:
Draco: "Ugly, disgusting and smelly. How old is this thing anyway?"
Harry: "Plastic. Old and overly used."
Weight:
Draco: "Am I supposed to touch it? Like hell! And what does it matter, anyway? It's plastic."
Place of birth:
Draco: "Why should I give a damm? Up my ass, for all I care!"
Harry: "I think it means from where he came from, not how. Let's make something up."
Draco: "Oh!"
Parents name: father mother
Draco: "Father Draco Malfoy, the mother will be you, Potter."
Harry: "Why am I the mother?"
Draco: "We already agreed on it."
Harry: "Oh right, you're the bottom in denial!"
Draco: "Potter!"
Age: father mother
Harry: "Why do they care? It doesn't make a difference. It's not like we're a hundred and fifty or something."
Draco (shuddering): "Oh hell no, I will NOT become a wrinkly old dingbat."
Job: father mother
Draco: "We're both stinking' rich, we don't need to work."
Harry and Draco looked at one another before sighing. "I guess we'll have to fill it for real now."
Harry nodded and they came up with this:
Baby's name:
"Hmmm… let's see. What's its gender?" Draco asked.
"Let's make her a girl, just for kicks."
Draco shrugged. "Okay, then…" He thought for a moment.
"Lyra. Lyra Malfoy."
Harry looked at him incredulously. "Lyra? What kind of name is that? And what is this 'Malfoy' business? She's mine too, you know."
Draco sniffed. "It's an ancient family tradition to call first new born babies after star constellations."
Harry sighed. "Fine. But let's give her a normal second name, okay? Like… Serpens, okay? And add Potter in the end. And for god's sake, let's make her look a little better, huh? What a mess…"
"And you call that a normal name? You do realize that's also a constellation as well, right? And... Doesn't that mean snake?"
Harry nodded. "What's your point?" He said, a bit defensibly.
Draco shrugged again and wrote:
Baby's name: Lyra Serpens Malfoy-Potter.
"Damn, that's a mouthful," Said Draco.
Harry gave a small chuckle. "Well, its better then the whole Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore thing. HOW can he remember all of them?"
Draco shook his head. "No idea."
They moved on.
Gender: Female
"Like we said." Harry reminded him.
Draco nodded.
Date of birth:
Harry blinked.
"Um… today? We got her today…"
Draco shrugged. "Let's make it yesterday. I want her to be unique, just like her name."
The other boy grinned. "Feeling a bit sentimental, Draco?" But nonetheless he wrote it down.
Description:
"I want to make her more beautiful!" Draco exclaimed. Harry shot him a strange look.
"I thought you said it was just a doll?"
Draco gave him a you-are-an-idiot look (probably copied it from his dear godfather) "if the doll's going to be a Malfoy then it must also have the looks of a Malfoy."
"You mean be all pale and have bleached hair?"
"Malfoy's don't have bleached hair! It is a whiter shade of blonde."
"Ah huh, sure…I want her to have more of my appearances; blacker hair"
Draco snorted "Who would want to have that bird nest on their head? Besides you, of course. The girl has to be blonde."
"Black."
"Blonde."
"Black."
"Blonde!"
"Black!"
"I said blonde, Potter, and that's final!"
"Up yours Malfoy, just because you're the father in this relationship and I'm the mother, doesn't mean that whatever you say goes."
"No, you're right…but she will still be blonde!"
"GUYS!" Both broke up their fight to see that Pansy and Blaise were standing near them, a dark red haired baby being held in Blaise's arms.
"What?" Draco glared and Pansy rolled her eyes. "Look at your baby."
They frowned and did just that. It looked the same.
"What about it?" Harry asked puzzled.
Blaise gave him a smile "Say the hair color again."
Frowning, Harry did just that, "Black." and gasped when he saw that the baby's hair slowly turned a deep sky black.
"Blond." Draco breathed out and the color switched yet again.
Both Harry and Draco turned to one another before grinning in unison "Cool!"
"I thought you'd like It." a quiet voice murmured and the quartet turned to see Remus leaning against their desk "it took forever charming the babies to change like this, but…it worked. I was wondering who will realize it first"
Pansy nodded "I thought I will get stuck with a small ugly monster so I guess I should say thanks" she paused and Blaise stared at her "aren't you going to say it, then?"
Pansy rolled her eyes again "I said should SO it doesn't mean that I would"
Remus gave a small laugh as he stood up "charming young lady you grow up into" he said before he left to see the other couples.
"So what will the baby look like?" Harry spoke uncertain, Draco turned thoughtful "blond with black strips in her hair, I saw several muggles like that and it looked okay except that they had purple at the tips of the black stripes-"
"-we could do that" Harry interfered and Draco nodded "the baby will have your eyes as they are a gorgeous color-"
"Did you just say I had beautiful eyes? Wonder what Blaise will say?"
"Blaise won't give a damn about it unless you are fucking him and then I will kill you" a voice commented and they turned again to Draco's best friends who apparently decided they wanted to sit at the table near them. Blaise was the one that spoke.
Draco snorted "like I would want to sleep with potter"
Harry raised an eyebrow "you sure looked like it yesterday, remember? I had you all hard and leaking at my very hand"
Draco flushed as Harry snickered.
"So?"
"So what?"
"It is going to look like we said?"
"I guess, write it down potter" said boy rolled his as he jotted it down adding milky white tone to her skin.
Blaise who read it from above them snorted when he read the name "Lyra Serpens Malfoy-Potter? What the fuck?"
Draco glared "it is a really good name Blaise"
"Ah huh" said teen commented with a roll of the eyes "why? What did you choose for yours?"
Pansy grinned as she dropped the baby on the desk, ignoring the subsequent cries, and handed their form to him, the only thing that was filled was the name: Adam Zabini and gender: boy.
"Adam?" Draco spoke with a sneer "what kind of a name is that?"
"It's called a normal name, something that a Malfoy or a Black wouldn't know about" pansy sniffed arrogantly.
"Whatever. Let's write the rest down"
Weight:
Harry frowned "how are we supposed to weigh it, I can't see no scales, and there isn't potions today so I won't have any in the first place" he sighed dejectedly.
Draco sneered at him "still thinking like a muggle, potter? We have wands, all we would need is the proper charm for it" he demonstrated it by casting it on the baby; reveling it to weigh around 4 stones. They wrote it down.
Place of birth:
Harry grinned. "I seem to remember you saying something about… up your ass?"
Draco shrugged. "Make it Toronto, Canada. That way it's a deported baby, but with style."
Harry stared at him in shock.
"What?"
"Nothing." He murmured as he hastily wrote it down, wondering what the hell goes on in Draco Malfoy's mind most of the time.
They also quickly wrote down their names and ages in the parents section thingy before stopping on Job.
"What are we going to work in?"
Draco shrugged and Blaise snickered.
"What?"
Said boy grinned. "Well, no offence meant but…I really can't see you doing anything for a living."
Harry burst out laughing. "So true, Draco could be a house wife."
The blond glared. "I am the father Potter; you could be a house wife."
Harry shrugged. "Like it matters. You said it yourself, we're rich. We'll just make the house elves do it." He frowned when he saw all three Slytherins staring at him.
"What?"
"That was almost slytherin thinking, Potter,"
Harry just grinned. "The hat had its reasons." He spoke cryptically.
"Alright, class," Remus called out and the class turned to him, "as everyone now has their babies; please pass me your forms…thank you. Now you each will have to support your baby, and you will do so by buying every baby product from the staff, meaning you need diapers, formula toys, and the likes. You'll buy all you need from the teachers. You will each get 1000 galleons to spend on your kids, so you will be on even grounds. And no the money isn't real" he paused as he took a breath "now what's more? Oh yeah, every weekend you will get an account of your expanses and if any one of you will want to earn more money and you will want unless you want to starve the baby and you wouldn't want it, you could ask for work from one of the teachers, and you get to work in Hogsmeade and get coupons for sweets or whatever you like. Teachers will also baby-sit, if it suits them."
"What's more there will be tracking spells on the babies so that none of you will even try charm the kid, such an a act will immediately cause the baby to be sent to me, and you will fail."
"The bonus for a perfect grade will be two tickets to the au-de-la amour…" he broke of from the mutters of everyone "as well as the couple will be excused from the end-of-the-year muggle studies exam"
More mutters and Harry turned to Draco with a determent glare "We have to win this." Draco nodded; the au-de-la amour was the top of the top in the restaurants, with only the cream-the-la-cream of clients.
Harry sighed as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts at night, Draco was in for the first night of caring for Lyra and Harry was incredibly glad of that.
Jonathan had called him by owl to ask if he could do some shoots today, and Harry had replayed in the affirmative. Of course, that was before he knew he won't have as much of a personal life but as he promised…..
He stalked the halls before he reached the great doors, dammit why did they have to be closed now? I will be late…. Harry quickly retracted his steps and went to the statue of the one eyes witch, where there was a secret entrance to the cellar of the honey ducks basement; he paused right before he opened it and almost hit himself for his stupidity.
Ron's words from third year had slipped in his mind '….Oh come on, the managers would have heard a break in to their store; they live right above it…'
How could I have forgotten that? Must I be so stupid? If I take this then I would have to break their door in order to exit their closed shop…stupid idiotic fuck….No wonder Severus doesn't like you, no brains in that head of yours…
Harry sighed before tensing when he heard something moving in the hallway...just a ghost. He sighed in relief before he went to the seventh floor.
Why didn't I think of it before? The room of requirements is bound to have some way out of this place…without anyone seeing him of course.
Walking back and forth in the seventh floor corridor, Harry smiled when a door showed up.
Opening it, Harry frowned when he saw several doors marked with numbers on them; probably so that I'll know which why is where.
Opening one of the doors, Harry gaped in shock when he saw a door leading to what he recognized as Diagon ally, near gringotts bank.
Noting that door, Harry opened another one, and grinned when he saw that the store near it was the photography store he heard Colin Creevey talking about.
Harry walked through that door and smirked when he realized he was in the alleyway between the photograph shop and….
chock
A sex shop.
Slowly, a smirk entered his face. Well, well, well, now I can get me those supplies I wanted, who knew? Guess the room of requirements really does know what you want…
He turned to look at the doorway and noticed that it was hidden carefully in the empty wall at the very back of the ally, probably no one would have noticed it, unless they knew of it, and probably if they did, it would be hard to look for it.
He sighed as he pulled his hood up, he wasn't dressed as Lilo yet and he was too recognizable as Harry Potter, something that he didn't want. One of the reasons, he didn't take the door leading to Diagon ally.
He then apparated to his 'apparition point' at the shooting spot, which actually was a bathroom stall with an 'out of order' sign on the door.
"Hey Harry," said Jonathan from his seat near the camera spot. "Ready for the first final shoot of the movie? It came out sooo hot!" he eyed Harry up and down. "Why aren't you dressed for the part?"
Harry glared at him. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to sneak out of a school like Hogwarts?!"
Jonathan winched. "Yeah… magic locks and stuff. Sorry." He whispered as to not alarm the others.
"Okay. Let me just get dressed and I'll be out."
Twenty minutes later everything was set and they started the shoot. Today they happened to be shooting at a club, with lots and lots of sexy young men. Harry (or Lilo,) had to walk out of the place, with his biggest 'cat that got the cream' smile and say "I REALLY should come here more often!" among other scenes, like dancing and grinding to the music.
It soon ended though and Harry sighed as he walked over to Jonathan and sat on his star chair (a/n: still so very cool, right?).
Said director threw him a towel which Harry used to wipe the cum and sweat from his chest, he gave a tired grin to his friend "You know, I will never get tired of having a cock up my ass."
Jonathan burst out laughing, "One would think." he grinned mockingly and Harry laughed. "Probably."
"So how is the whole trying to get your teacher to fuck you scheme going on?"
Harry smiled as he remembered when Jonathan first came to hear of it, his first day of shoots.
"Oh, it's going quite well, and it's got a different name now."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it's called 'seducing-Severus-Snape-so-he-could-fuck-me-so-hard' scheme."
"Interesting name, took you long to think of it, did it?"
Laughing, Harry admitted that no, it didn't take long.
"But you should see his face when my plans go my way; he gets that adorable shade of red on his cheeks which I love to see on him, so delectable."
Jonathan rolled his eyes "I could imagine. What did you do?"
Harry gave a smirk "Oh, you know…."
Harry sighed as he sneaked back to Hogwarts. Like he thought, it took some time for him to find the doorway, it being dark and the fact that it was in the middle of the freaking night (he only left the studio at 3 am).
But once Harry found the door, he immediately went to his room, trying to not make any noise before falling on his bed and sleeping the rest of the night, not that it was much.
When he woke up, curtsy of Ron (he paid him back by cursing a bucket of ice cold water on him for revenge; Harry worded his room heavily after that. That's NEVER going to happen again) Harry walked to the great hall for food, in a better mood then yesterday, even if he was still dead tired from his nightly ordeal.
The reason for his happiness was potion's class, and Harry couldn't wait, sure it was after two hours of history fallowed by three hours of transfiguration but all in all the fact that there was potions class was comforting.
Well, to him at least.
He was about to sit and eat breakfast when he was interrupted by someone calling him. "Potter!"
Turning, Harry saw that it was Draco, with Blaise and pansy following.
The latter was caring the baby, while hitting the child upside the head on every single chance…for some reason it reminded Harry of a drummer in a parade.
The surrounding Gryffindors were sending the girl shocked and scandalized looks to which she ignored, apparently neither her nor Blaise were trying very hard to win the prize offered by Remus. And it seemed to have gotten a kick out of it.
"Look," she said to Harry, "the baby's charms are all screwed up. Every second hit it stops crying, and every third it makes baby noises at you." She demonstrated by hitting the metallically crying baby over the head again and the doll stopped whiling at once. Then she hit it again and the baby cooed and gurgled, letting out little 'Ga Ga Gu Gu' noises.
Draco smirked. "Isn't that useful? Let's try that." And before Harry could stop him he gave a sizable whack to their baby's head which began crying immediately. Then he waked it again, and the baby cried even louder.
"Draco!" Blaise shouted at him. "Will you shut that stupid plastic shit-maker up already?! It's giving me a headache."
"I'm trying, I'm trying! But it won't shut up!" Draco cried, hitting it some more in desperation.
"Oh, look what you've done. Malfoy, give me that." Harry took the baby into his arms and rocked it back and forth, rubbing its abused head while shushing it to sleep. Finally, the noise stopped and the doll was 'asleep'.
The others stared at him.
"What? So I happen to be good with plastic toys. Sue me."
"I think its silicon."
Harry sent him a smirk. "I'm good with those types of toys too. Any toy, really."
Ginny, who was sitting next to Harry, immediately burst out laughing as she figured out the underlined words.
"Whatever Potter." Malfoy said, "Anyway, it's your turn for the kid."
Harry groaned. He was so tired and he didn't want to take care of the metallic-plastic baby thingy.
Well it was my own fault for staying out all night….
He nodded reluctantly, then sat and got the baby to eat. Draco smirked before he pushed Ron, who sat next to Harry (for some reason), from the table and on to the floor.
"Hey!" Weasley cried out, and Draco smirked again as he sat in the newly vacated seat, Pansy and Blaise soon followed his lead and pushed Granger off as well (she took the seat of two people) before they sat down.
"Harry, make them stop, look at how they are treating us, Harry!" Granger yelled at the boy who merely rolled his eyes.
"Did you say something?"
Ginny got a fit of giggles as she saw the red colors the two traitors supported.
"Listen mate, this isn't right what you are doing, we're your friends and you should look after your friends, and help them!"
Ron should have stopped speaking the minute he saw the smirk Harry had, but as an insufferable Weasley, he never learned how to quit and be quite.
"Oh, really?" Harry took a second to grab his baby and pulled her diaper off. Throwing it to Ron, who immediately caught it, he spoke again. "Well, take care of that for me, will you, mate?"
Ron froze for a second before he realized what just happened and took a look at his still grasping hands.
"Gross!" He exclaimed when he saw the brown stains on them, before he ran of the hall, cursing Harry all the way.
"How could you, Potter?!" Granger shrieked at him, but Harry merely stared at the girl coolly, "It was easy; want me to show you again?"
The angry girl stormed off, leaving an amused party behind.
"You know Potter," Draco commented as he took a bite from his food, "you could be quite the slytherin when you want to be."
"From you Draco, that's a big complement."
Having to study and take care of a baby in between classes wasn't as easy as you might think especially if you only had about three and a half hours of sleep.
Luckily, he now had two straight hours of History of Magic, so he managed to get a quick snooze around professor-so-boring-he's-dead-him-self's droning continues voice and bookworm's constant hissing for him to pay attention from two seats away.
At least the doll looked interested- staring at the ghost with those big green eyes as though he was a television show for toddlers- she didn't make the actual noise till the bell rang two hours later.
"WWWHHHHAAAAA!!"
The whole hall (corridor) filled with the sounds of crying as the students went out for recess.
"Hey ho, what is it, little Lyra? Are you hungry again? Do you need a new nappy? Well, I know you weren't bored, at least. Do you like history? Maybe you could explain it to me next time. I'm sure you wouldn't be as sleep-inducing as professor ghost-face back there, huh?"
The baby just gave him a teary smile as Harry cooed at her and rocked her in his arms, checking the diaper for the even more disgusting substitute for baby poo. No shit there. So he took out a bottle of formula from the baby-bag and tried to feed her but she squirmed her mouth away from the sucker.
"No diaper mess, not hungry... That must mean you want to play with me! Let's go outside then, shall we? Then maybe I can sit down or something…"
The day outside was nice and warm, partly cloudy with just a little bit of wind. Harry sat little Lyra on the grass under one of the trees near the lake and lied down himself, taking out one of the baby toys Draco got for her by trade.
Lyra squealed with delight and put the thing in her mouth. Then, probably deciding it tasted to her liking, took it out and started playing with it.
If it weren't for the noises coming from the toy (it made cute little animal noises when you shake it one way or another) Harry would have fallen asleep by now. But he knew that Draco would skin him alive if something happen to their muggle studies project, so he reluctantly kept his (slightly sleepy) guard.
Unfortunately, while he was saved from Malfoy nagging him about taking care of the doll, he wasn't saved from being lectured by a very angry Hermione, who like the weasel had not learned her lesson about staying away from him.
Harry winced when she started another loud rant. By now she had gathered a crowd around them.
How in the world did she find me…? Harry wondered ever since he saw her coming to his not-so hidden spot, under the trees near the lake.
"…And it is so unlike you, which is what you've been doing all summer, probably, because you never think, do you? NO! Famous Potter never thinks, but simply acts as he doesn't care about rules or anything-"
Harry glared as he saw Lyra starting to cry due to the volume of Hermione's voice. "Shut up." He growled and was surprised when the girl actually did shut up. No, too late. "WHAT!! You did not just tell me to shut up-!"
She would have probably continued if it weren't for Harry's growling again. "I said shut up! You may not care about this or anything at all, but Lyra is trying to relax and you're ruining it!"
Granger scowled before her eyes widen in malice. "So you want to become a parent, Potter? Do you really think that someone like you will ever have a family?"
Harry paled as he heard the gasps from the watching crowd. "And what's that supposed to mean, Granger?" He spoke through clenched teeth, trying to fight his raw magic from killing the damn bitch.
Not that it would have been a loss.
Granger smirked even though her eyes were showing a bit of fear; undoubtedly she felt his magic sparkling against her own.
"I mean that no one could ever love a freak like you Potter; a parentless wanna-be dark lord, an attention seeking brat and a cold murderer."
Harry saw red as he started forward.
Luckily (for her) he was held by two seventh year Ravenclaws who had the common sense to break this fight off.
Hermione sent him another smirk as she left the court yard, happy in her victory.
When Harry relaxed, he signaled that he could be let go now and grabbed Lyra before calming her down. a second later he was seen heading to the castle, the owlery in precise, and all who knew him, shivered when he realized what he planned to do.
After all, the Slytherin's most important rule wasn't just theirs and they were all glad that right at that moment, they weren't Hermione Jean Granger.
Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table not noticing the smirk that was sent her way. She was wearing a pair of blue pants and a dark blue blouse to go with it, (they were allowed to walk in muggle clothing during lunch, dinner and after classes).
She was halfway through her food when she finally noticed the silence that came all over the hall, turning to her boyfriend who was staring at her in shock, she frowned.
"What is it Ronald?" she asked and with that the silence burst as everyone including said boyfriend burst out in hysterical laughter.
"What!?" Hermione tried again and unsuccessfully Seamus tried to tell her, "Well…hehe…you…ha-ha…have…." He broke off in laughter and tears of mirth trailed his cheeks.
Dean, who was sitting nearby, was more successful in telling Hermione what happened. Not by words as he was in the same state as his best friend but rather by conjuring a mirror.
Hermione took one look in the mirror before screaming her head off.
There were patches of shiny round bald spots on her head, with small hissing techno-colored snakes adorning them. A bit like medusa, only the snakes did not shoot out like hairs, but staid pot. Her nose, grown to the size of a small bird's beak, had lots of hairy moles on it and hairy nostrils making her look like the wicked witch of the west. Her face, which didn't escape her notice either, was covered with red angry zits; her eyes were huge and bloodshot; her ears had grown to something that reminded her of dumbo, pink and flapping; her hands were purple and full of calluses, and worst of all: She had a tail- A long, furry, cat-like tail.
Crying in embarrassment and shocked anger, Hermione tried to get up from her seat. Tried, because she had not noticed that the chair she was sitting on was covered in strong, persistent glue. By trying harder to raise herself and leave, Granger tore her pants and part of her blouse.
Blushing at how she looked, both partly-naked and ugly (not a good combination) she once again tried to leave the hall. She didn't manage to take one step before she was stopped once again.
A bucket which was charmed invisible had hung above her, and the minute she stood up from her seat it spilled thick paint all over her, turning her into a lovely electric blue color, and as if to add insult to injury, a small bunch of purple features came down from above (undoubtedly charmed to be unseen as well) and fell on her, getting stuck on the drying paint like to tar.
By now everyone in the hall was in hysterics and Granger screamed in desperation and horror as she ran to the doors of the great hall, which were surprisingly closed and locked.
The minute her hands touched the handles, a mirror appeared in front of her and thundered in a rumbling voice that everyone could hear:
Mirror, oh mirror, up on the wall, who's the horrible monster in this hall?
"STOP IT!!" Hermione shrieked as she tried to open the doors but every time her hand touched them, more mirrors appeared and screamed the same sentence while showing Hermione how she looked.
"Monster, monster, MONSTER, MONSTER, MONSTER, MONSTER!!..."
"ENOUGH!!" a deep voice spoke and everything stilled as the magic vanished.
Dumbledore got down from his table and walked over to Hermione. "Ms. Granger, what is the meaning of this?"
Sobbing Hermione glared at him "What do you think this is about?? I am being pranked by…by…" she glared even more as she turned to the Gryffindor table. "By Potter who I am going to kill!!"
She started forward but Dumbledore caught her. "Do you have any proof that it was Harry who did this?"
Furiously, granger spoke "Proof? I don't need any proof, I know it was him, it couldn't have been anyone else!"
The headmaster turned to stare at the boy-who-lived. "Harry, did you prank Ms. Granger?"
Said boy turned such an innocent expression to the man that all who had watched the argument that he had with Granger (or heard about it, meaning all) started to doubt themselves that he was in fact guilty.
"Me?" Weird how one little word could sound so…so shocked. "Why would I think of pranking her? She's my best friend in the world!"
Dumbledore nodded. "See Ms. Granger? It wasn't Harry who pranked you but someone else." Before the shocked and angry girl could comment, the headmaster spoke again. "Now, why don't you run to the infirmary to treat your…condition?"
"Ahhh!!" Hermione cried as she stalked to the doors and all could hear her muttering all the way.
Turning back around, Dumbledore gave a small smile. "Now why don't you all finish your food and get to class, or you'll be late."
With that he himself left the hall, which broke the charm and everyone burst out laughing again.
At the Gryffindor table, a small dark haired boy sat smirking at not only his handiwork but rather at the fact that he managed to escape detention.
So yeah, maybe I used second grade, immature pranks (wonder if pranks can be mature??) but it was sooo worth it, way to go, Potter!
He congratulated himself before he left the hall for his favorite class, Potions.
"Potter, are you even paying attention to me?" Snape growled and Harry bit back the moan he sooo wanted to let out at the sound, was this how he would sound like in bed?
"Of course, master Snape," Harry answered, pining him with a lusty stare, "I'm always paying attention to you." Your mouth, your hands, those eyes and body, your cock… He added in his mind.
"Yes, well…" Snape stuttered for a second, and then, "Ten points from Gryffindor! I told you not to call me that! Now start brewing!" He turned around abruptly back to his desk.
Probably to hide that beautiful blush from me, Harry thought, all reddish and cute…
About an hour and half past in total silence, the colored fumes rising in hushed whispers from the different cauldrons around the room, interrupted only by the tapping sound of chopping or the tingle of ingredient vials touching, no one making a peep.
BOOM
"What the- Granger! What is the meaning of this?"
"I-I don't know sir! I did everything right, exactly like the book said-"
"Obviously not, Granger, otherwise you wouldn't be covered in waste! Now clean that pathetic excuse for a potion off of you!"
"But I- I don't understand, I-"
The bell rang outside the dungeon door.
"Ten points from Gryffindor and a parchment and a half on what you did wrong, to be handed in tomorrow! Indeed, it seems that little miss know-it-all isn't all that knowing after all…"
Hermione Jean Granger, for the first time in her life, was left shocked, hurt, and confused in the quickly empting potions classroom, covered in stinking sloppy gunk and with a zero mark.
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Indeed, it seemed like no matter what lesson, no matter what task, no matter what Granger-book-worm did, she failed, and spectacularly. And not only that, even at the recesses, it seemed like nothing went her way. She stumbled along, books dropping onto the floor as she fell over or bumped into someone occasionally, spluttering apologies.
By the time it was time for Muggle Studies she was exhausted, annoyed, dirty and very confused. Why was this happening to her? Ron, too scared to catch what he now called the 'Curse of the Brainy', left her alone for most of the day. Ran away and hid, more like, after he saw her coming his way after NEWT level Transfiguration, red faced, with huge fangs coming out of her mouth, two red horns on her head, and a pig snout for a nose. It took Madam Pomfrey almost an hour to get it back to normal, and when she did, there was still a faint remainder of red on her face, which Pomfrey said will eventually fade.
Granger glared as she sat on her chair in the Main Classroom, which immediately broke and she fell to the floor in pain. As everyone burst out laughing at her misfortune, Hermione caught the smirk from one boy-who-lived and saw red.
"POTTER!! It was you, wasn't it? You were the one that caused all of this? You little-!!" as she pulled her wand on the boy to curs him, she was suddenly thrown off her feet by a disarming spell.
"Wha-??" She gasped as she stood up from the floor. Turning she saw Remus Lupin with his wand out, his face set in a determent expression. Sirius was at his feet, hackles raised and growling at her.
"You will never raise a wand against my godson." The man growled, his amber eyes flashing as he bared his teeth, "15 pointes from Gryffindor and a week's detention. And if I'll catch you doing that one more time you will really be sorry, is that understood?"
The girl nodded hurriedly as she took another seat in the back, but after it broke as well, she decided, grumpily, to stand.
"Now…" Remus started lowering his wand and stroking Sirius' head so that he would calm himself. "We are going to-" was all he managed to say before he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in." He called out and the class held their breaths as they saw professor Snape entering the room.
"Ah, Severus, glad you could make it." Remus smiled at the dark haired man who scowled and muttered something that sounded like '…As if I had a choice…'
Coughing, Remus turned back to the class. "Now. As I began to say before, as today is Thursday, you all have PE….Physical Education. Sports class." He added when he saw that only muggle-informed children nodded to his words.
Harry raised his hand to the air, and Remus nodded. "Are we going to learn swimming today?"
Remus shook his head, bemused. "No Harry-" he didn't get far as the boy interrupted him again. "Awww, sucks. I really wanted to see Master Snape in a bathing suit." he sent said man a small flirtiest smile, which simply enraged him.
"20 points from Gryffindor, Potter! How many times did I tell you not to call me that? Do I really have to punish you even more so that it would get into your thick head?" Snape growled but Harry wasn't fazed in the slightest.
"But Master Snape, I already told you I wouldn't mind it if you wanted to bend me over your knees and spank me!"
Remus had to masquerade his laughter into coughs, so that Snape wouldn't kill him as well.
The students who didn't think too much of Harry's words, except one or three, laughed at what they thought was an attempt from golden boy Harry to annoy the evil Slytherin Snape (excepting the Slytherins).
Harry's smirk widen as he saw the look on Snape's face. Oh, what I wouldn't give for him to actually do it…
The man looked livid even with the small tinge on his cheeks and Harry really wanted to lick it and see what it would taste like. Probably sweet and salty…
"Yes, well Harry, don't we all." How Remus managed saying those words with a straight face, even though, he looked like he was fighting the urge to laugh, Harry didn't know.
Snape growled again, sounding eerily similar too Remus' werewolf's form, and would have interrupted again if said werewolf wouldn't have continued.
"We are going to do some exercising skills today, and professor Snape is here to help me chaperone you all."
Hermione's hand rose to the air but Remus pretended not to see it, much to the amusement of one Gryffindor and four particular Slytherins.
"We all would be going down to the grounds, the quiddich pitch in fact, that's where all our PE classes would be located. So hurry along-" he was cut off by Hermione who was to angry to wait as Remus continued to ignore her.
"But sir, how is it possible for too professors to teach such exercises to girls, isn't it wrong?" she practically glowed with her smart question.
Remus wasn't pleased.
"That's another day of detention, Granger, for interrupting me." When it looked like the girl was going to argue Remus spoke again "And as for your question…you would have known the answer to it if you have let me finish." Lupin added a glare to be more effective. Harry couldn't help but snicker.
"But you didn't say anything! You were going to tell us to go down to the pitch, not anything else!" The self-righteous bitch proclaimed.
Snape rolled his eyes as he shot the girl his God-You-Are-So-Stupid-And-Annoying glare that was reserved just for her.
"15 more points from Gryffindor, Granger. Learn to finally shut your mouth." Said girl glared and was rewarded by a deduction of five more points. "If you would resist this foolish attempt of cleverness, something you're obviously lacking, you would have heard Lupin saying to go down to the pitch where we would meet professor Hooch, who will be assisting with the girls."
"How would you know what he was going to say?" Ron burst out in a really pathetic attempt to help his girlfriend.
Snape smirked as he took a further ten points form the red and gold house. "You may not be aware of it Weasley, but there is such a thing called work-sheets. And to explain what your simple mind can't obviously understand, a work sheet means that we agreed on what would happen in this class beforehand then write in down." The man's smirk was wide by the time he finished. "Oh, and you have a detention with filch today at seven." he added.
Ron flushed in indignation. "Why?? I didn't do anything!"
"Except open your mouth and prove your stupidity," Severus shot back and Remus grinned at him.
"Alright then, class. To the pitch we go!" With that he turned to the door and left quickly followed by Sirius, Snape and the rest of class.
Harry grinned. He couldn't wait to start getting physical. (DikiCat: what the hell does it mean?? RockJunkie: what it always means. Sex!!) What a great day.
Tbc.
-#\/\/\/\/\/\/-#&-#-! DikiCat rules\/\/\/\/\/RockJunkie drools-#-#/\\/-#
A/n: and that's it, folks! The longest (we think) chapter to date!
What a month-and-a-half this has been. Really, really busy.
School, school trips, tests, papers to be handed in, rehearsals…
Note to all: DikiCat's scores on her mid term exams were – 100x3, 98, 85,78,88 so what do you think?? I really think it proves the whole 'I-can-study-and-get-good-grades-while-at-the-same-time-write'….you know who I'm talking about, all those writers who decide to stop fics just because they don't have much of a life….hah!! I showed you!!
Second note: RockJunkie would like a moment to say that she DOES. NOT. DROOL!!
DikiCat: Whatever, I know the truth and that's what counts….sticks tongue at the girl sitting near her.
RockJunkie: eat me darling (DikiCat: love to).
Further notes: Okay, now we're being serious here….both of us would like to ask you all (meaning readers): what the fuck you were all thinking?? Here we are, sitting quietly and all innocent like (don't laugh!), and we came up with the idea that if we'll publish the last chap early, you all might review more….but what did we notice?? You didn't even pass the minimum score, so after being very angry and all that, we decided that those who have reviewed will get it. So enjoy and R&R.
P.s: to those who are reading this (we never really know who really reads those A/ns), we came up with the idea that if, and that's a big if, you will review…me and RockJunkie -me love- will send you a P-R-I-V-A-T-E massage to your email, with a promo from our other stories (a big promo!!).
RockJunkie mutters: we have to stoop this low for reviews. Whores.
DikiCat smirks: if it gets it done, I wouldn't mind being on my knees.
See you next time, folks.