Just an idea that came to me after watching Higher Power... hope you like it.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! :)
Fact: Christmas at NCIS was never without stress.
Yes, there was Yorkshire ale, yes, there were gun-shaped cookies, but never did they seem to arrive at the end of a relaxing, incident free Christmas Eve.
However, despite the case related chaos, Deeks had to admit that this was a much preferable way to spend Christmas when compared to those he had spent on duty for the LAPD. Most had been lonely affairs, either on assignment or filling out endless case related paperwork, but here at NCIS it was a vastly contrasting experience.
Looking across the festively lit and decorated Mission at his relaxed and smiling team mates, the detective couldn't help but smile at his good fortune knowing that, given the events of the previous month, things could have resulted in his spending this holiday season quite differently.
Despite how well thought through and orchestrated the plan for his return to the LAPD had been, it had also come with the very real possibility that once the ties had been severed they might not have been renewed. That thought alone was enough to send a strong sensation of relief cascading out across his body, the feeling emphasised even further when he glanced over at his partner, watching as she smiled and laughed with Nell on the other side of the room.
The look Kensi had graced him with when presented with her Christmas gift had warmed him down to his toes, but despite the appearance of unhindered contentment Deeks knew she was still angry at him and he wasn't under any misconception as to the reason. His being 'fired' had inadvertently forced both of them to face truths regarding their ever evolving relationship in ways neither was prepared for, or either was willing to openly admit. The flood of emotions which Kensi had experienced had left a lasting effect, particularly as these realisations had been served up to her alongside the type of lie that she'd hoped would never be necessary. Therefore, three weeks after Deeks' 'firing', their partnership had still not quite returned to the comfortable rhythm that they had so firmly established and previously enjoyed. The trust that had been strongly and carefully constructed between them had taken an indirect hit. No structural damage, but there were still repairs to be carried out. Adding this event to the list of those men whom had let Kensi down in her still brief life, Deeks couldn't help but feel the guilt, from the lie he had been ordered to tell, rise in him once more.
Christmas was certainly not helping and Kensi, at times, was quiet and withdrawn, as she had been the previous year. At least Deeks understood and could appreciate the reasons behind it all. The death of her father and Jack's leaving were an ever present dark cloud following her around throughout the holidays and he wished there was something he could do to ease the undoubted pain she was feeling. More than ever Deeks felt that, with all things considered, it should have been a time for them to pull together, to give each other the company and support they each required, but Kensi was leaving for Hawaii and she had made it abundantly clear that she planned to spend this time away from her partner.
As he continued to mull this over he released a sigh knowing there was little he could do. He had no claim on Kensi, her time or how she chose to spend it, and with an invisible barrier of emotion still keeping them at arms length he felt an almost desperate need to make some kind of amends for the damage he had unwillingly inflicted on them both. The only hope he now had was that the decision he had recently taken regarding his future would not come back to bite him in the arse.
Kensi Blye was only a small part of his choice, he couldn't allow her to be any more. Such an important, and potentially life-altering, decision couldn't be based on his partner and whatever 'thing' they did or did not have.
Lieutenant Bates had been right, he really did have a home at NCIS, and right now he hoped that it would become a permanent one. The choice Deeks now had to make was whether he should tell his partner and subsequently the rest of the team, before or after the Christmas holiday. In all reality he knew he should have spoken to her about it three weeks ago when he had first come to the decision himself, but fear over the reaction he would receive dampened his enthusiasm for the idea.
Although he knew it was the right decision, it was still a scary one. The title, 'Special Agent Deeks', would take some getting used to and as of January 1st 2012 it would officially be his. Part of him mourned for the 'Detective' title he had worked so hard to earn, the LAPD badge currently wedged onto his belt which he carried with such pride, and his trusty Beretta that he would undoubtedly be forced to part with in favour of the NCIS standard issue SIG. However, as he scanned the room once more, the sense of belonging, of having people count him as one of 'them', of knowing this was home, were feelings with which he would never want to part. In truth he knew he was gaining so much more than he was giving up, and the delight shown on Hetty's face when he had handed over the signed papers only served to underline this fact. All he had to do now was tell Kensi.
Walking over to his desk and pulling out the A4 envelope containing his copy of the paperwork, Deeks could feel butterflies - or maybe they were tiny reindeer? - flying about his stomach. Shifting the envelope over in his hands he knew this was one of those Nike moments in life – 'just do it'.
Turning back towards the party Deeks was surprised to see Kensi stood at her desk gathering her belongings.
"You leaving?" he asked carefully as she slid her laptop into it's case and pulled the bag onto her shoulder.
"Yeah, I've got an early flight so..." she gestured with her hand in an attempt to finish the sentence and watched as Deeks nodded his head in muted understanding, "I'll see you next week, okay?"
Deeks nodded again, "Have a good trip."
Kensi made to walk away, but he remembered the envelope he held in his hands and knew it couldn't wait.
"Kensi," he began and she paused, turning back to him, "I, uh... I probably should have said something before this, and I know that now is really not the best time, but I didn't want you to find out when you got back from your vacation. I wanted you to know before your vacation, so you would have time to digest the information and maybe get used to the idea and then you wouldn't have it sprung on you when you got back."
"Deeks, you're rambling," she told him before narrowing her eyes, "What did you do?"
Deeks looked down at the large, white rectangle in his hands and scratched his head absently before holding it out and allowing her to see for herself. Kensi took the proffered envelope into her own hands and opened it catching sight of the nervous expression on her partner's face as she did so. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his arms tightly folded across his chest as he chewed the tip of his thumb. Frowning at Deeks' behaviour, Kensi pulled out the sheaf of papers and began to read, her frown momentarily deepening as she flipped through more of the pages, the general gist of what they indicated soon becoming clear to her.
Although Kensi's expression was unreadable upon looking up from the papers in her hand her dark brown eyes were screaming at him, he just wasn't yet sure what they were telling him. Should he run and hide or wrap his arms around her? Deeks shifted his weight once more deciding that perhaps the best option would be to wait for Kensi to make the first move. It wasn't necessarily the safest option, but it was currently his best.
"Seriously?" she asked, the word laced with incredulity causing Deeks to take an unconscious half step backwards. "Seriously?" she asked again, though louder. A few people near by turned their heads, but upon seeing the look on Kensi's face morph from unreadable to furious in 0.3 seconds they quickly turned away once more, sharing looks of sympathy for the detective who was possibly about to experience the shortest career as an agent in NCIS history.
However, instead of saying or doing anything further Kensi simply shook her head, turned on her heel and quickly exited the Mission the envelope and papers still clasped tightly in her hands.
Sighing deeply Deeks ran both hands up through his hair, leaned back against his desk and stared down at the floor. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.
The sudden sound of a small stack of paper being forcefully slapped down behind him less than two minutes later made Deeks jump, though not quite as much as the pain that shot through his left ear as Kensi pinched hold of it dragging him outside.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
"Seriously?" she asked once more, almost shouting the word at her partner, as they stepped outside the main doors and she released the grip on his ear.
"Hell, yes!" he replied with equal emphasis, a hand cupping his now throbbing ear, "That seriously hurt!"
"Deeks," she warned through gritted teeth.
"Yes, seriously," he replied, irritation seeping into his own voice.
"Why didn't you tell me until now?" Kensi asked, her tone returning to normal, eyes focusing in on the bright blue of his allowing him to recognise the emotion pouring out of her as hurt. Of all the emotions Deeks had ever wanted to see emoted in Kensi's eyes, hurt was a very, very long way down the list.
"Because I didn't know how you'd react," he responded, "You've been keeping me at arms length since the Clarence Fisk case."
"That's not true," she quickly countered.
"It is true."
Kensi folded her arms across her chest and let her gaze wonder to the concrete beneath her feet.
"I lied to you."
"You were ordered to," she conceded quietly.
"And yet for three weeks you've been looking at me as if I'm just another guy who walked out on you."
Kensi's head whipped up to look at Deeks, shocked by the boldness of the statement.
"Excuse me?" she asked anger bubbling dangerously close to the surface of her question.
"I'm not going anywhere, Kensi, unless it's in a body bag."
"That could be arranged!"
"Because," he continued ignoring her comment and smiling, "Whether you like it or not we do have a 'thing'."
"You sure about that?"
Deeks' smile widened, "Oh, I'm sure," he replied, "And at some point we will get around to discussing that fact."
Kensi wasn't ready to smile yet. For starters she wasn't about to allow Deeks the satisfaction of her openly admitting to something she wasn't even ready to admit to herself. Secondly she wasn't about to forget that he'd waited as long as he had to tell her about him becoming an NCIS agent.
"Those papers were dated more than six months ago."
Deeks nodded in confirmation, his smile fading. He wasn't out of the woods yet.
"So in that time you never thought to perhaps mention that you had them? That Hetty had made you a job offer? That you were even contemplating this huge decision?"
"No," he answered honestly, "Because it wasn't about you. It was about my career and my future, and no-one gets to decide that but me."
Kensi remained quiet for a few moments considering Deeks' words.
"So why now instead of six months ago?"
"I wasn't ready six months ago," he replied, pausing briefly before he continued,"Despite the perpetual distaste they seem to have for me at times, I never doubted that I belonged at LAPD. I always thought of myself as a cop, that that was who I was, but... over last few months I think I've realised that I can do more. That I am more. And after the Fisk case, I think I realised that I actually belong somewhere else. That I belong here with this team. With you."
Searching his partner's expression for any kind of reaction, Deeks couldn't garner a thing. Kensi's face was once again unreadable.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Deeks questioned, unsure as to what she was saying.
"Okay," she confirmed with a slow nod and made her way over to her car and opened the door. "Night, Deeks," she told him then got in, shut the door and drove away leaving her partner scratching his head in further confusion.
An hour later and Deeks was once again experiencing a state of cognitive disarray when, after responding to the knocking at his apartment door, he opened it to find Kensi stood there. A frown formed across his face, a hooked eyebrow accentuating the expression.
"Hi," he said warily, wondering whether this was the start of round two. It was late, he was tired, he was stood facing her shirtless and barefoot as he was about to fall into bed, and quite honestly he wasn't sure he was in the mood to discuss any of it any further. However, Kensi's eyes were sparkling, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, so when she proceeded to take a step towards him, Deeks didn't flinch. And when she took another small pace resulting in her body practically touching his, the confusion still rattling it's way about his head refused to let him do anything more than simply shiver in response.
"I think I liked the second Christmas present the best," she told him, almost in a whisper.
Confusion transformed quickly into full-blown surprise when Kensi's lips pressed firmly against his, and with his brain feeling like it was working on a two second delay, Deeks was eternally grateful when his body seemed to respond of it's own accord. Unfortunately, as soon as it appeared as if his brain had actually caught up enough to register that yes, Kensi Blye was in fact kissing him, it was over and she had pulled away once more.
A broad smile covering her face, she pulled a small, white envelope from her jacket pocket and handed it to him.
"Happy Christmas," she told him.
"Okay," he said, the frown of confusion returning as she quickly turned and began walking away again.
"You're paying for the extra baggage charge!" she called over her shoulder as she disappeared from view.
"Okay," he repeated closing the door and carefully opening the envelope.
Pulling out the contents a smile quickly pushed the frown from his face as he realised the meaning of her last comment. The extra charge for his surfboard was certainly not an issue as far as he was concerned, especially when his partner had already paid for the ticket.
Christmas with Kensi in Hawaii.
"Okay."
THE END