A.N: WE NEVER HAVE NOR WILL WE EVER OWN ANYTHING IN THIS FANFICTION.

Didn't these two realize what lifeless husks they were?

"Bella, I could kill you.:

I snorted. No, they'd need self awareness for that.

"I don't care, Edward. I love you more than you could ever possibly imagine. I just don't understand why you can't see that."

I could end both of them right now and no one would ever have to know…

"Edward, that's bullshi-"

THAT'S IT!

"I CANNOT TOLERATE THIS ANY LONGER!" I shouted, flame pouring from my maw.

I watched with smug satisfaction as these disgusting shells of people were ended by my flame.

"COME, COMRADES. LET US WIPE THIS HORRID PLACE FROM EXISTENCE!"

The hordes of people descended upon the undefended town, swinging axes, broadswords, what have you, at the cold, lifeless inhabitants of this awful place.

I nodded once at my partner, Lessa, attacking from the sky.

I think this is quite the happy ending indeed.

Now, to take care of things back home…

Shaking off the now familiar cold of Between, I set off hurriedly for my destination.

The Blood Oath Festival.

This was where it began, and so this was where it would end.

I ducked down, grabbing my little one in my claws, and flying off.

"SAPPHIRA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Let this wretched world handle its own affairs, Little One."

"We will go to another place, a better place."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THEY NEE-"

I didn't hear his reply as I popped into Between.

Just three heartbeats later, I was soaring in the clean open sky above Benden Weyr.

"WHAT THE- SAPPHIRA, WHERE ARE WE?"

"Just as I said, Little One. A better place."

"WHA-?"

I ignored his continued pleas as I landed on my back legs, awkwardly positioning myself to put him on his feet.

"Sapphira, we have to go back! There's a battle going on and they need me!"

"The solution to all of that world's problems is so painfully simple that any second class magician could do it. Relax, Little One. Help approaches."

I watched as Manora ran over, bringing two dragon riders with her.

They picked him up and took him to the healing caverns double time,

Yes. The Little One would be okay.

And he wouldn't be insufferably cocky all the time.

Eragon's scar healed slowly but surely under the watchful eye of Manora.

Over the next few months the other dragon riders at Benden began teaching him all the things that his other tutors never did, but probably really should have, about being a dragon rider, and I showed them what a blue dragon was truly capable of.

In what seemed like no time at all, Eragon and I were just another part of the team at Benden.

Fighting thread and living in our own little corner of the Weyr.

Ah, the weyr. Where I had more than enough lovely choices for mates.

And the women made him forget with speed that elf girl he'd been so fond of, though I'm sure he still thought of her on occasion.

Eragon still worried from time to time what had happened to his friends from our own world, but I made quick work of those fears.

I unequivocally refused to allow him to become what he had become in my memories.

And so we lived in Benden, fighting thread, and living comfortably with the other dragons and their riders.

We lived humbly, and not ass-holishly ever after.

The end.

A.N: Yeah, we lied.

Edward and Bella had to die.

We do sincerely hope you enjoyed this fic in all it's crackyness though.

Have a pleasant day!

-Bloodredfox/PrincessGoatse