Chapter 20: a serious overdue talk.

(Disclaimer in chapter 1!)

'Your fly is open.' Jeez, even at ' full snarky bastered' mode, he's a fucking tease.

Harry was on his bed, in the middle of the night, face flaming red.

What was he doing outside the boy's bathroom, anyway? He was supposed to patrol some more.

His eyes widened from his own thoughts.

Was Snape- waiting for me? Then that must mean- he heard. Everything. Oh god. What will he think now? He sighed. So much for keeping things quite.

And he'll know. He made me say master and he heard me in the bathroom and he'll probably figure it out any second now and then it's all over and I'm doomed. I'm so fucked.

Harry had no idea how, but eventually, he fell asleep.

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Sunday morning dawned bright and peaceful. Not that Harry cared. He planned on staying in bed as much as possible.

Facing the day? Why should he? Nothing good will come out of it. No school, no Snape (not that he's that exited about meeting him again so soon), no baby nightmare chore (Draco has her), and no fucking reason to get out. He figured he'd just stay here and sulk.

His plans however were cut short. Ginny suddenly barged in through the door with a loud bang. Three floors down, everyone could hear a very high pitched girly screech of terror.

Harry had hid himself behind his bed. "Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Please don't kill me!" He shouted in a not so masculine way.

Ginny paused with a roll of her eyes. "Jeez, relax! I'm not going to kill you- well not now at least." She smirked evilly. "Now get up from there."

Harry stared as he bit his lip. "Are you sure it's safe? What if it's a trap?"

Ginny sighed. "Two things, Harry- If it was a trap, I wouldn't tell you."

Harry raised a brow. "And the second thing?"

The girl shrugged. "Just thinking that if you're the world's hope then we're doomed."

The boy-who-lived stood up. "Oh, ha ha. Really witty." He sat back down on his bed. "Now why are you here if not to kill me?"

The reply was a squeal from the girl, who couldn't help but smile widely. "Oh I wanted to thank you for locking me in with Luna. It was the best thing you have ever done for me." She raced over and gave him a hug.

Harry stared in bemusement. "Why? Did you two fuck or something?"

The girl giggled as she broke off and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Oh yes! And it was so amazing." She lay down beside him. "She was so gentle yet strong at the same time."

Harry grinned. "I had a feeling it would go down this way."

"How did you know about Luna anyway?" Ginny inquired.

"I heard a lovely rumor about her and well, it made me think."

The red head frowned. "You mean you didn't even know for sure that she was gay? You just thought!?"

Harry chuckled and nodded. "Yep. But hey, it worked, didn't it?"

Ginny's answer was a pillow to his head. "You idiot! What if it wouldn't have worked? What then, genius? You stuck two naked girls together in the hope that the other is gay."

Harry rolled his eyes. "As a gay boy, I can tell if someone else is gay. It's called 'Gaydar', my love. You being too fresh to this thing is no reason you shouldn't have one. Besides, I think Luna is odd enough that even if she wasn't gay, she would have wanted to experiment." He winked at the girl.

It was Ginny's turn to roll her eyes. "Still an idiot Potter-" he cut her off.

"Besides you do realize that even then you didn't have to sleep with her, you could have said it was a stupid prank I pulled or something."

Ginny flushed an unbecoming shade of red. "Oh, never thought of that." she mumbled.

"Well," Harry said dejectedly, "at least you had fun. I…well I had fun, but I think I screwed up somewhere."

"Don't you mean someone?"

"No, I wish though. We just finished shooting a movie so it would be a while, but maybe I could go over to that store? Hmm, I really would like to see what they are offering…" he contemplated to himself.

"Harry?" Ginny frowned when the boy didn't move. "Harry!"

"What?"

A cuff on his head made him remember. "Oh right. Well, I think Snape knows."

"What!??"

Harry told her what happened. To say that Ginny was unsympathetic was an understatement. She fell off the bed in her fit of laughter and didn't look as if she would stop anytime soon.

"Thank you for being so supportive, Gin." Harry grumbled.

The girl giggled. "Sorry, but come on, if it would have happened to anyone else

You would be laughing your head off as well."

Harry would have agreed with her if it wasn't for the fact that it did happen to him.

"Well, you do realize something, don't you? He heard you." Ginny gushed out and Harry shook his head. "That's what I'm worried about, because if he knows then he would tell Dumbledore and you know what that means."

Ginny nodded before perking out. "But didn't the twins say he doesn't care? After all, he was licking his lips at your acting. Maybe he'll make his move now!"

Harry stared. "Maybe but I think that's really unlikely-"

"-No, think about it. He knows what you do now so maybe he wants to find out more-"

"-Not what I want. I want him to like me, not just Lilo, or the Famous Harry Potter…"

"Stop interrupting! I meant that he would want to find out more about you so he could have a relationship with you."

It was possible, but than again it is Snape we're talking about.

"But even then, you should be careful, because while he may want to have something with you, he might say something unawares to the old fool and then bye-bye happy freedom."

"You're still not helping."

"Well how about this…" She rummaged in her pockets, before pulling a small glass bottle.

"I got this from Fred and George last time I was in their shop."

"What is it?" Harry took the bottle from her hands. It was small, and the liquid inside was a glowing purple shade of blue.

Ginny smiled. "It's one of the twin's latest inventions. Remember they told you they were working on the whole mind altering potions? Well this is something of that nature, except more vivid."

Curious, Harry gestured for her to continue. "See, this is like the regular daydream potions but with an extra special twist. It not only gives you the daydream, it can make you feel the sensations that go along with it."

Harry nodded, completely impressed. "But how will that help?"

"I'm getting there. See, this is so unique and expensive because you can also control what the dream will be about-"

"What? How?"

The red head explained more. "You put a piece of hair from the one you want the daydream to be about, except if you can't get it then you have to write the name of that someone. Of course the potion will only work if and only if the one drinking it has any feelings such as lust, love with the subject of the daydream."

Harry stared at the bottle once more. Could it truly be? It would be quite hard to slip it into Snape's drink but if he would manage it then it would be the greatest thing ever. The ultimate test. "Say, what other ways do you have to control the fantasy?"

Ginny frowned. "Hmm, besides the subject I think you can choose the start scene, you know if you want to get some sex on the kitchen table or something. You have to write that down and after you mix it in with the potion it will work."

Again Harry nodded. "The twins are geniuses."

Ginny nodded in agreement. "True, they only sell these things to those who reached over the age of sixteen which is after all the legal age to have sex in the Wizarding world."

"But if you can write the name of the person down, why use the hair? And how do you know if it worked? You know, if he drank it?"

"Using the hair is more specific and stronger; it enhances the sensations and eliminates same-name confusion like in that anime you showed me once-" She tried to remember the name. "'Death Note'? If you write the name you must also think strongly of that person's appearance so that other people with the same name will not be affected. Also, using the hair lets the subject of the fantasy know that the potion is being used with him as inspiration. It sends out a wave of relaxing magic which centers on your stomach and tingles or something like that."

"Wow. Looks like the twins really put a lot of thought into this. Are you sure they only have three OWLs each?"

"Yeah…. they're just too lazy to do any more."

Suddenly something buzzed very loudly from within Ginny's robes.

"What the-!? Don't tell me you walk around with those- I mean, you dikes can be kinky but jeez-!"

She cut him off.

"Relax! It's only my wand telling me it's time to go. I'm sneaking out to meet Luna in the ROR. We think we're gonna turn serious…"

"Well, have fun. And remember; NEVER underestimate the power of magical rooms!"

She left.

And a second later, Draco Malfoy appeared with a sleeping Lyra in his hands.

He stopped in front of the bed, his eyebrows arched and his eyes leering downwards.

Harry looked down.

"Draco!" He jumped up when he realized he was naked….wait, naked!? "Shit!! Ginny saw me naked!!!" He yelled in surprise. He didn't even think about his state of undress when Ginny barged in.

Why didn't I feel self conscious when Ginny was here? Why is Draco any different?

Draco stared at him up and down again, getting a better look, as he placed the now awake Lyra on the bed. "Well, it's not like anyone hasn't seen you butt naked already….and more." He gave his trademark smirk at him, filled with tongue-in-cheek expression.

(A/n: guess who we're thinking about?)

"Of course I do wonder why in the world you even bothered to hide that body away. But I guess I forgot that I am talking to a clueless Gryffindor that if I didn't know any better I would say was a virgin."

Harry glared as he tightened the sheet around him even more.

"Now why don't you get dressed?" Draco questioned, at last (after having his fill) averting his eyes.

"I can't."

Draco frowned, "Can't, why?"

Harry blushed. "It's just…well, it's Lyra."

The blond stared. "What? The baby? Why?"

Harry bit his lip. "She keeps on staring, it's creepy." He shrugged.

"It's a plastic, unreal toy. Not worth being bothered by it."

"Well I feel so weird about it, considering that not only is she blinking as if she is real, but well; do you think they check the babies at the end by reading their mind?"

Draco scoffed. "If that was so then the baby is already scarred for life considering that it saw both me and Blaise fuck as well as pansy masturbating. Frankly I'm also scarred by the last." He muttered, inducing a shudder in Harry as well.

"Pansy? Wait you know what, I don't want to know. And don't touch my toys!" he called out as he headed for a shower and a change of clothes. "And don't think of coming on my couch!"

##$#$#$#$#$#Happy-=-fucking-=-Halloween%^%%^%

When Harry returned from the shower, it was to see Draco lying on his bed doing nothing, while Lyra was painting the walls with a brush.

Absently wondering where she got it and how she could do that, Harry turned to Draco.

"So why are you here? You dumped the kid, you can leave now."

Draco stood up, stretched languidly and turned to the door. "Well, I was about to tell you something on the strange behavior of my godfather, but with that attitude…"

"No! Wait. Tell me!" Harry demanded roughly, grabbing Draco's arm to stop him from moving anywhere.

"What will you do in return?"

"What? You can't just demand things because you're a gossip!"

"Can and I am…and I'm not a gossip, I just like to be up to beat on today's news."

"Well, Draco dearest, in case you forgot, you owe me for getting you and Blaise together!" Harry cried out in triumph.

Draco frowned for only a second as he tried to remember. "But you also owe me for keeping your secret from Severus in the first place, so we're square."

Harry shook his head with a smirk that Draco thought shouldn't look that good on him. "True, but you forgot you took the cloak from me, so that's favor returned."

"Fine," the boy glared. "I'll tell you."

"Well?"

"Beg first and then."

"Draco…" he growled and Draco decided to hurry up and tell him."Fine, I just saw Snape at lunch-"

"Lunch??"

"Yeah, sleepy head. You missed lunch. Anyway, my dear godfather was acting completely weird all through the meal; he actually inquired about your presence!"

"He did?"

"Hmm, yes. Don't worry about it; I'm sure it's nothing."

"Did he do anything else?"

"One would think, Snape asking about you would be weird enough but yeah, he also stared at the Gryffindor table and kept writing some things down as if he was going to post a complaint or something, what with the way he was frowning… And oh! I forgot to tell you, Dumbledore requested everyone from fifth years to seventh year boys to report to the great hall after dinner while the girls report to the old transfiguration class, something about a serious overdue talk."

"Hmm, wonder what that's about?"

"Fuck me if I care." Draco walked to the door. "See you later, Pothead."

Harry frowned.

"Bye ferret."

$%$%$%$%$=-=-Diki-=-is=-=-19=-=-=$%$%$$%

Oh, you have got to be kidding me….

Harry stared in horror at the newly redecorated great hall. The tables were gone, filled instead with benches and scattered chairs, where the students were expected to sit. If that didn't help the foreboding feeling he got then the giant pictures of the male anatomy certainly did.

Never in my life had I hoped I was wrong….well there was that one time….not the time, Potter!

"Settle down, everyone, settle down." Remus spoke softly, his amplified voice wafting over the students trickling into the chairs.

Harry took a seat in the middle, keeping company with Blaise and Draco while watching the two teachers on the raised platform with narrowed eyes.

"Please tell me I'm imagining things and they're not really going to give us the talk." Draco whispered. Far be it for someone to hear him panicking.

"Afraid so Draco, I had suspected this ever since we got the muggle studies schedule."

"Dammit, it was awkward enough when my father made me listen to him and I never hoped to repeat it."

Blaise near him shuddered in agreement.

"Getting the talk from Lucius… I'd love to hear that." Harry snorted, wondering how that went.

"Okay everyone settle down." Remus called out once more but considering everyone understood the reason they were gathered in the hall, they weren't cooperating nicely.

Snape took matters into his own hand. "Take your seats or I'll start handing out detentions!" In a matter of two minutes, everyone was seated.

"As you all have gathered, we are here to give you the most overdue talk in your school years. The 'sex talk'." Everyone gasped.

Like no one here ever heard of sex before. Puh-lease. Harry thought, a bit annoyed.

"As Dumbledore claims he is too busy for this-"

Everyone could hear Remus muttering "Like hell he is" under his breath.

"Professor Lupin and I, as the only human male teachers on staff, are being forced to give you this talk."

Remus nodded as he heard the groans from all over the hall. "Trust us, there are other things we'd rather do."

Snape glared at anyone as he tapped a blackboard with a long stick. The empty black board changed to view a sketch of a woman's vagina.

Everyone either gasped, screamed or covered their eyes in the case of the more embarrassed boys.

As for Harry, well he thought that if he had to watch something like that then it would ruin him more than everything else he went through in his life.

He figured that people thinking he was respectful to all women wouldn't be so bad.

"Quiet down!" Snape rapped the stick hard against the blackboard. "Alright listen up you little hormone raged imbeciles. This, as some of you have guessed, is a woman's vagina." He almost broke off due to giggling but to his credit, he ignored them and carried on.

"Let me say this in a language you can understand. Eventually, after a lot of time wasting pain and suffering, this," He tapped the bored with his stick again, and the picture of a man's cock appeared, "which I'm sure you all recognize, will be going into this," He tapped a third time and the vagina returned. Some of the boys ooed and aahed.

Remus interfered before it got out of hand.

"It, uh, has a bit more to it, but that is the main goal here. There are delicacies and subtle ways of doing this, and there are the rather straight forward. You will eventually learn what they are and when to use them by your own experience, over time. But that's not what we are here to talk to you about. We are here to explain the mechanics of the human male and female anatomy, with an emphasis on the male's role during and after sex. Any questions?"

The room remained quite.

"Good. Now…"

Remus and Snape explained, in their way, about how to have sex, with the heavy aid of the pictures on the blackboard and whole hearted recommendations to ask their parents later.

"Now, listen here you disgusting little imbeciles, now I am aware that you probably have already reached puberty so I am not going to start talking about the changes your body goes through, ask madam Pomfrey for that. But we are unfortunately going to talk about the certain fluids your body produces." He trailed off and by his disgusted expression you could easily tell he really didn't want to talk about that.

Remus nodded as if in agreement with Snape's unsaid words. "Now there comes a time in every boy's life that when he reaches puberty sperm comes out when he orgasms." He ignored the giggles. "It usually happens after one is having wet dreams or if you want to simplify it, sexual dreams."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose when laughter broke out even more. "Now after sex dreams when you wake up-"

Harry couldn't control himself anymore, hearing such words spilling from Severus' lips, well, it had its problems. Unfortunately, his shock transformed into almost hysterical laughter, or to be more specific-giggles.

"God dam- Potter! Come up here right now!"

Shocked and a bit perplexed, Harry followed the order feeling everyone's eyes on him as he took the steps necessary to go on that stage.

"Severus?" Remus asked but Snape ignored him.

Looking down at the tense boy-who-lived, Severus wondered what exactly he was doing, but no matter, it would still humiliate the boy.

"Perhaps Potter, since you don't seem to find this very interesting, perhaps you could tell everyone what happens after a wet dream?"

Harry stared as he felt himself flush. "Hmm, what do you mean?"

"Are you that much of an ignorant dunderhead? I doubt it's that hard to understand as I was talking in English but now I stand corrected, you truly have proven to me that there is such a thing as being too stupid to follow simple words."

Harry glared, hating the man he loved and wondering if he was a bit of a masochist for loving someone who was hurting him.

"Fine. I'll explain it; just…just give me a moment will ya?"

He took a deep breath, must be crazy for doing this but no way am I backing out. "When you have a dream, a wet one, you get hard." He paused when he heard snorts of laughter and other things.

Groaning, annoyed and embarrassed, Harry closed his eyes, trying to imagine himself alone. He breathed in, mind slowly relaxing as he remembered the last dream he had and what followed after.

"You get hard, so very hard and you almost always wake up before you come and you want to so very much. When you wake up it's like you're still dazed about what happened, wondering how or why. But then you notice it, your body's reaction to the dream and no matter what you tell yourself you can't ignore it, you need to fix this problem. So you reach down." He took another deep breath, not noticing the quiet or the sudden curiosity everyone expressed.

"You grasp yourself, not in the mood for foreplay. And god…" He gave a low moan "you're so hard and your hand feels so good wrapped around yourself. So warm, but it's not enough, so you start moving it. You take long, even strokes and moan at the friction you produce." Harry hardly noticed that his hand went down and he was rubbing himself at his words.

"You're so hard and you want to come so badly so you remember your dream, the reason you're like this in the first place. And you're suddenly bombard with memories; the face, the body, what you did and how it felt so good. It was perfect and then…then you reach the peak. You come gasping his name and feeling so dirty but oh so wonderful at the same time. Perfection achieved."

"Okay, Potter, that's enough." Snape cut him off and Harry opened his eyes as his hand immediately moved away from its previous place.

Wide eyes, he gave a rueful smile at his professor. "Well that's pretty much what happens after such a dream."

Remus cleared his throat. "Yes, well, if you would kindly return to your seat we can finish quickly and go back to our semi-normal lifestyles."

It went quickly right after, making Harry wonder at the fact that no one interrupted like before-he chucked it up to wanting to get out of the hall as fast as possible.

After two minutes of wrapping the whole conversation into a few simple sentences, all were finally allowed to leave and as they left, Harry hoped that no one realized his slip up.

Luckily for him, only one realized it as he slowly added it to his long list.

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Harry bit his lip as he sat in his room, hugging his pillow. "I am so stupid." He couldn't believe what he did in front of Severus; touching himself, talking about what he did after his dreams even if the man told him to explain.

"I shouldn't have said it like that, I should have said something different, not that." He buried his head in his pillow.

"Oh, this is ridicules." He muttered as he stood up, dropping the pillow back on his bed. "I need to stop thinking about him." He shook his head. "And stop talking to myself out loud."

He bit his lip as he wondered what to do.

He needs to calm down. Let his mind wander and float.

I need some music. He thought to himself. He then took Lyra and left.

=-#=-#=so-=-obsessed-#=-#=-#=-

He just got down the stairs when he realized that he can't play the cello and look after the baby at the same time, so he stopped for a second to think who he could threaten… uh, blackmail- uh, ask to baby-sit Lyra for him.

"Heya! Harry!!"

"Hi Colin…" Harry said unenthusiastically, still trying to think of baby-sitting candidates.

"What are you doing now? Do you want to hang out? If not, can I help with anything? Your homework? You know I've been studying really hard so maybe I could help if you are a bit behind-"

"No, Colin, I'm okay."

"Oh." He looked a bit down.

Harry frowned before widening his eyes as he noticed the perfect candidate. "Hey, Colin? I think I found a way for you to help me."

Colin perked up, raising his head up and Harry saw hope shining from his eyes.

"Really? I mean you think I could help you? Oh, that's brilliant. What do you want me to do? Do you want homework help? Maybe shine your shoes and fold your clothes? Because I'm really goo-"

"Colin! Chill." The boy blushed and Harry continued. "I need you to take care of this for me." He raised Lyra by the scruff of her shirt.

Colin frowned, confused. "You want me to throw it to the garbage?"

Harry raised an eyebrow before remembering that Colin is a muggleborn wizard." No! God no. I want you to baby-sit her."

Colin's eyes widen as he accepted the baby from his idol. "Really!!!?" he squeaked and Harry nodded, feeling as if he sold his soul to the devil.

"Hmm, yes. I really can't take her with me so you'll be doing me a huge favor."

"I'd love to Harry." He cooed at the baby. "Hmm, what's her name?"

"Lyra Serpens Malfoy-potter."

"Wow, that's a mouthful!"

Harry chuckled, "so I've heard. Later Colin."

As he left the common room Harry was disturbed to hear 'rock-a-my baby on the tree top when the wind blows the cradle will rock…' sang by his number-one fan.

=-=--=-=-yummy=-puppy=-=-love

As Harry approached the music room section of the muggle studies wing, he started hearing sounds that definitely weren't music notes. He came closer. The door was agar- Of course the door's half open, Harry thought gruffly, that's how all the peeping-tom porn scenes happen these days.

He opened the door quietly and had a look inside.

Remus was bent over the open piano, his hands smashing the keys at every heated thrust from Sirius. It sounded awful.

Tonks was right, Harry thought as he tried not to laugh, Remus really can't hold a tune to save his life.

As quietly as he could, he left the room and closed the door behind him, also setting a silencing charm for good measure.

Leaning on the doorframe, Harry closed his eyes, half imagining what's still happening behind the door.

Why am I busy with everybody's sex life except my own??

He sighed as he opened his eyes, coming to a resolution.

I need to get laid. Preferably sooner then later. I wonder when Jonathan'll -

"Mr. Potter," A voice took him out of his musings. He looked up and saw that it was professor McGonagall. "May I please enter? I need to see Professor Lupin."

"He's not here right now." Harry blurted before he could think of anything better to say.

"But I have just finished speaking with Professor Snape, and he assured me Professor Lupin will be here for the afternoon."

"Ummm… he's… uh…. really busy…" Harry said nervously, looking around him for inspiration to find a way to keep McGonagall from entering desperately.

She raised her eyebrows.

"Is the door locked?"

"Yes…"

"And…" she said, "Mr. Black wouldn't by chance be in there with him, would he?"

"Uh… yes…"

"So they are in there together, the door is locked, and he is busy."

"Yes." Harry answered, a bit flustered.

She smiled slightly, her eyes shining mischievously.

"I'll come back later."

She turned around and left and Harry stood there to look at her retreating back incredulously.

Tbc.

-=-=-=565-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/n: okay it's your one and only DikiCat here and she…I bring news.

Guess what??? No...Not that either…maybe that (winks)…you can't guess? Alright I'll tell you. I am nineteen since last week, how about that? Send me a birthday cake will ya? And presents!!! I'm like a total adult write now (twirls hair and talk in a whorish voice) joking, I'm not like that- I'm way weirder-

Rock_Junkie: I think they might have noticed, what with you annoying them every episode.

DikiCat: (huffs) so not true, I'm a good cat. Not a mean one.

Rock_Junkie rolls her eyes.

DikiCat: anyway, I also had my test the other day sadly no A+ but rather an A (sniffs). Weirdly enough, last year's test in electricity made me frown. For some reason I was the only one upgraded…something about the two examiners being too indecisive about my score…assholes.

Rock_Junkie: you won't fail, if that's what you're wondering!

DikiCat: maybe, let's hope. Hmm, more news…well daddy's birthday was four days before mine and he is now only starting his 58th year, give him a hug and a birthday-wish.

Further more, I might publish a real book! Yes, I am also quite shocked that from pure porn I'll write something with a plot…but hey wish me luck.

Do you have anymore news, my little rock star?

Rock_Junkie: I'm going to sleep over at my almost-sorta-like boyfriend's house!

DikiCat cuts in: I must remind you again to not do anything that I will.

Rock_Junkie: so I've heard… we'll go see a movie and… stuff… *blushes*. I think that's about it.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DikiCat: I forgot!! (Smacks head in a cartoon'ish manner) I wanted to yell at you all for not reading Gravity Games by Rock_Junkie. How could you???? It's like the hottest thing ever…Harry/Fred/George all together in a magical room…(sighs) so hot but no one reviews….(narrows eyes) why? Read it or I'll kill you…NOW!!!!