Chapter 22: Duck if you dare!

(Disclaimer in chapter one)

Harry raced outside really fast before pausing in confusion as he realized he didn't know where he was.

Shit, how the hell am I supposed to go back to school if I don't know where the fuck I am?

He panicked for a second as he realized that Snape just might kill him if he won't show up for class and Ginny can only cover for him for so long before someone got suspicious.

Without warning the words 'Are you mad? Are you a witch or not?' popped into his mind and Harry almost smacked himself as he realized he could apparate to Hogsmeade.

Well, at least Ron was good for something; he snickered mentally as he hurried from the alley behind Gladrags to the castle up high.

He felt like he died when he finally reached potions class, and almost opened the door before he remembered he forgot his stuff and had to run to the griffin's tower in order to get them.

"Sorry I'm late professor Snape." Harry breathed out, panting harshly and leaning on the doorframe.

At least I'm only ten minutes late…must be a record.

"Potter!" Snape glared, obviously in the middle of marking as he threw down a red inked quill. "What makes you think that you can crash in here and make a racket? Just because the rest of the world is filled with dimwits who think you are Merlin's second coming doesn't mean that I will tolerate such impertinence."

Harry had to will down a spontaneous erection at the man's harsh tone. Oh, so hot…

"No sir, of course not." He muttered before going to his seat.

"Where do you think you're going, Potter?"

Harry frowned. "To my seat, sir?"

Snape sneered. "If you had gotten here on time then you would have heard me saying that I was assigning new seats..." he stared hard at him and Harry turned his gaze away so he wouldn't stare at his eyes. "Yours is the back, the further away from me as possible without leaving the class." He sighed in a way that told Harry that if the man could have done that then he would have done it already in first year.

"Yes sir." He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. I suppose it could only happen to me; falling in love with someone who hates me.

He ignored the fact that Snape seemed turned on by his alter-ego Lilo Sky and walked dejected to his seat.

Pulling out his things he started to prepare his potion, realizing that they would be working alone from now on.

The rest of the lesson passed this way and Harry almost made a scene when he had to get up from the seat to get ingredients and sit back down.

It was one of his secret pleasures, being sore after a good hard fucking and then sitting down, feeling the after affects.

But the thing was that when one was in potions class with a teacher that was already suspicious of you…well….

"Potter." Harry fought hard not to jump when professor Snape spoke from behind him; he didn't even notice the man reaching his side of the room let alone get behind him.

"Sir?"

Snape leaned closer and Harry felt him take a long sniff. He tensed when Snape spoke again.

"Why were you late to my class?"

Harry shivered at the warm breath that tingling his neck. "I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again."

"I did not ask for apologies, I ask for a reason." Harry felt him sniff again.

"I was busy." It was the truth, after all.

"Oh." Snape paused for a second. "I wonder what Mr. Weasley will do when he'll realize what you've been doing with his sister?"

Harry let out the small breath that he was holding…oh thank god Snape suspected it was Ginny and not well…anyone else.

"Except…" he sniffed again, "this isn't the smell of a woman."

Harry tensed once again. "I wonder Potter, are you such a whore to love being marked by some man's cum?"

Harry shivered in delight and arousal. "I…I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

Snape chuckled lightly. "Of course you don't." he stood up. "Finish brewing your potion, Potter and let's hope that by some miracle, it won't be a failure like it usually is."

The rest of the class ended without another incident but when the bell rang, Harry raced to the nearest bathroom to clean himself up a little.

=-I'm Harry Potter I'm totally awesome=-=-==-=

"Okay, everyone get in pairs." Tonks said as she walked around the teacher's stand.

Pansy quickly caught her as she tripped.

"Oops. I swear it wasn't there before." The woman muttered at the stand that was bought forty years ago.

There were some snorts around the room but everyone complied quietly and chose a partner.

Harry found himself with an Asian looking boy called Kira Yagami.

"Okay basically I want you all to beat the other up."

Stares.

"Well, maybe I should explain." She jumped on her table, making the desk lamp fall to the floor. "Shoot, anyway," she turned back to the class, "your mission will be to shoot as many spells as you can with your partner while ducking from other partners' spells by hiding in the conjured shields. Remember no one is supposed to conjure shields but use the ones available."

She nodded. "The spells you shoot are only color spells, like paintball." She grinned widely and the muggle-informed smiled at her. "The one who gets hit the most loses so you better try hard."

"What's the purpose of this game?" Hermione's voice broke free from the murmurs.

Tonks frowned. "What?"

"Well, aren't we here to study? Why the game?"

"Nobody is playing games in my class. The aim of the game is to learn how to aim and duck."

There were frowns. "That's what we did in auror training." She paused. "Well that's what Moody wanted us to do. Thing was one of the muggle-borns decided that since we're partners we shouldn't curse the other so he started throwing paint spells and then another one suddenly screamed 'paintball' before throwing more paint around, soon we all had goggles and were ducking from the paint." She laughed. "Moody was so pissed and joined in so he could show us how to duck properly."

She shook her head. "So the purpose of the game is to learn how to aim with accuracy and duck."

"What's the prize?"

Tonks grinned. "Well, the winner gets 60 points for his house, a bottle of warm Butterbeer and a duck. Get it? You get a duck if you learn how to duck!"

She burst out laughing.

"A rubber duck?" Harry asked, keeping a straight face.

Tonks nodded. "Ha huh. A bright yellow rubber ducky so you could play with yourself in the tub." She grinned before humming under her breath.

'Rubber ducky you're so fun, you make bath time lot's of fun, rubber ducky you're the one for me.' (A/n: I loved how Brian sang it to Justin in a fanfic)

The class burst out laughing.

Tonks grinned at them all. "So conjure up some goggles and let's start."

Harry grinned and conjured a black set for himself.

When all were ready, Tonks went about and started changing the partners' shirts to match.

Harry and Kira got the color black on their shirts with a white 'L' in the middle and back.

The two saw that others had different letters on their and different colors as well. Sometimes, having colors that didn't match.

"Are you sure you can't change this shirt? I don't think I look good in purple and yellow." Ron Weasley whined but Tonks ignored him.

"Well at least I got a good color." Draco murmured next to him and Harry saw that he and Blaise wore silver and the letter 'M'.

"Draco just likes the fact that I'm marked by his last name." Blaise admitted and said boy rolled his eyes.

"At least I'm not wearing red." He gestured to Pansy who had Susan Bones.

"Its maroon you moron, not red." The girl piped up politely.

"She used to be such a sweet girl." Draco shook his head. "I think the weaselet corrupted her."

Harry turned innocent eyes at him. "Ginny would never do something like that."

Three snorts erupted from his sides.

"Okay! Everyone ready?"

"Yeah!"

"Well then, let's see what you think of my mine field." She removed the curtain from the back of the room, showing not the wall as they assumed but rather another room.

It was no ordinary room, though. It had all sorts of half-walls in it with nets hanging on the floor and in the air and all sorts of wires were tied up all over the room.

Harry even thought he saw several carton-made people.

He was right when Tonks explained. "See, you can hide behind the walls but you must be careful not to trip any of the wires and ropes, they cause traps to appear- magical traps." She grinned. "You can even get caught in a net if you're not careful." She laughed. "See those people," she pointed to the carton-like figures. "They're sitting ducks that stand," she giggled. "You can duck behind a sitting duck that stands, but the duck might duck so make sure you duck behind that duck before it ducks." She burst out laughing.

"Get it? Duck!"

The class just stared at her, with one or two who managed to follow and was laughing silently under their breaths.

"Hmm, well you're no fun." She shrugged. "Well go spread around, and careful not to start the traps while doing so." Just as she said this, a Hufflepuff kid tripped on a rope, which luckily didn't start the trap it held.

"Wait for my mark," she raised her wand and as all wondered what it will be, a loud 'QUACK' sounded, making three couples jump and one fall into a net.

They spread out, some teams keeping together, some separating, some making packs with others to stay alive.

Harry and Kira moved together, back to back and in circles, effectively eliminating anyone that was shooting at them.

They made their way to the other side of the room, stopping from time to time to step over a trap wire or get out the way. Harry saw a place where they could hide and shoot from for a little while.

"C'mon!" He shouted to Kira over all the noise and pandemonium.

Suddenly they heard girls screeching and a shower of multi-colored toy ducks fell from the sky all over the place. The plastic horrors hit the floor with a loud 'Quack!' and splattered everything near with colorful paint.

Team L got behind a low wall with a small window, firing at other teams and carton figures just because they duck and annoy the hell out of them. Harry shot one of those cardboard figures so many times that he made a black ugly hole where the head's supposed to be. Didn't stop the thing from ducking, though.

Just when Kira shot both the members of the Yellow-and-pink team and Harry got rid of another carton head out of sheer irritation, they got surprised from behind by Draco and Blaise, all silver and looking as annoyed and tired as Harry felt.

"Damm ducks," Draco muttered, looking around him before sitting next to the others. "I swear, if Tonks ever does anything like that again, I'm gonna turn her head into a plastic duck. With air for brains. What the-?!"

A huge explosion was heard followed by screams and another shower of colored ducks fell over everyone.

Draco spelled a big black umbrella.

"I hate ducks."

Harry rolled his eyes as he peeped out from behind his temporary shelter. "Do you think we're safe?" He wondered and Draco rolled his eyes.

"Don't be delusional, it's never safe whenever that auror's around-" He was cut of by a war cry and immediately ducked when he saw hurried shots coming his way.

His assaulter didn't seem to notice his action and fired more colorful spells with the help of his partner.

When they stopped, Draco and Blaise (who Draco grabbed when he heard the shout) peeked and saw one Pansy Parkinson staring shocked at Harry and Kira who were supporting quite a lot more paint on them than before.

Apparently they mistook Pansy's war cry for a terrified one and didn't bother with ducking.

Which was clearly a mistake.

For Pansy, that is.

The girl stared terrified at Harry who was wiping the green goo from his goggles with an angry expression.

"Umm, I didn't mean to?" She tried the innocent approach while stepping backwards when Harry glowered at her.

Kira swore loudly.

"We were going for Malfoy and Zabini." Susan Bones commented, also steeping sideways so she wouldn't get trapped in the crossfire.

"As if you could get me." Draco shook his head and stepped to the side.

Right into a sinking step.

At first nothing happened, but suddenly they heard a loud mechanical groan from the sides.

Ducking didn't seem to help when two catapults suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

They bombarded the six students from all sides, getting paint everywhere, and Blaise even got to taste some, since he was about to speak at the time.

Four seconds later, all was still (well, if you don't count the chaos around the room).

"'As if you could get me' God! You're an idiot Draco!" Pansy mocked as she tried to wring the paint out of her clothes.

"At least I'm not wearing maroon." It was a lame retort but he couldn't help it.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, I wonder who will win."

He didn't have to wait long.

Now as they were all pretty much disqualified (they doubted the color would come off during the rest of the game) they decided to trip as many students as they can.

The last team standing when Tonks sounded the 'Stop' sound had a Slytherin boy and a Hufflepuff girl both dressed in black and white striped shirts with the letter W on them.

The girl noticed everyone around her staring, so she snapped, "What!? I can spread my legs when I need to!" Before covering her mouth when she realized what that sounded like.

Tonks giggled as she walked over. She pulled out two bright yellow extra-large ducks from behind her back and handed them over to the couple.

The boy grinned and pressed the duck that emitted a large 'Quack!'.

"Brilliant professor."

Tonks glowed.

=-=-=-= Wasn't that fun? =-=-=-=-=

"Alright class." Remus grinned as he turned to look at the newly-cleaned seventh years.

"I want you all to put these on," he pointed at lab robes and hair nets. "And gather all your jewelry in this bag," he gestured the bag on his table. "So that means that all rings, bracelets and everything else will off for the next several hours."

Harry frowned but like the rest of class did as told.

Unfortunately he also had to wear a hair net as his hair was quite long. On the plus side so did Draco, Smith and the rest of the girls.

When everyone was ready, Remus told them to follow him to another room, three doors away from the main classroom.

"Alright, everyone get in and pick a station." Harry frowned before he entered the door and his eyes widen.

The entire room was furnished as a kitchen, or should he say kitchens as each station that Remus spoke of was a mini-kitchen filled with everything one needed to cook with.

"Oh wow, professor this is so great." Harry gushed out as he raced to one of the stations. He gasped at what he saw. "Oh my god, you got the entire 'Tammy's silver' silverware!? They are the best ever what with the way they cut…and wow! (Another gasp) a fully stocked 'Spice me up'! Those things are the best and they always make the food taste better." He shook his head when he realized that his classmates were staring at him.

"Sorry sir."

But Remus wasn't mad, instead he smiled. "It's okay Harry, because in this room you can make all your cuisine dreams and fantasies come alive…If you have ever fancied a triple fudge chocolate cake then you'll learn to make it, if you prefer fresh baked cookies then you'll get them, anything that you desire can be cooked right here, if you are willing to try."

The class murmured and Remus left them for several minutes to look over their things.

Harry took the time to watch who was in his station. Hmm, Kira Yagami, Susan Bones and Pansy Parkinson.

"Hmm, anyone of you knows how to cook?" Harry asked and was rewarded by three blank stares.

Pansy glared. "We're purebloods, Potter. We don't need to cook, what the hell are house elves are for?"

Behind him he could hear Draco muttering to Blaise about 'How cooking was for slaves and not pureblood princes like himself'.

Harry ignored the self proclaimed prince, and wondered how long it will take him to realize that the lovely cream-filled jelly sugared biscuits he loved could be easily made here.

"Oh god, I can make 'Rosy's delights' right here." Apparently not long enough, Harry shook his head at Draco's shriek of delight.

And he wondered why Pansy thought the boy was straight.

It took a while for Remus to quiet down the offended pure blood chatter and the muggle-born's excited talk, but eventually he got them all right through the first steps of cooking. Of course, he had to match each recipe to the student's level of knowledge in cooking, so that each student knew what he was doing.

While Harry got to make a magnificent triple deck chocolate cake, Draco got to cook-

"Spaghetti? I'm making spaghetti?!"

"Oh, be quiet Draco, at least your making something known. I have no idea what the hell 'Pizza' is supposed to be."

"Yeah? Well, at least that. I got Popcorn. What the fuck-?"

But apparently the muggle raised didn't think that way as the purebloods started hearing them moan about 'Oh god, I've missed pizza and hamburgers…' and other stuff they called 'Junk food.' What the hell?

"Alright!" Remus clapped his hands together. "Those of you that know the basics of cooking get right to it," it was a bit redounded to say that, as practically everyone he spoke of got to work immediately. "the rest of you, just follow instructions and you'll be fine, I wrote most of the recipes down so you would know how each device works so be careful, basically cooking is a lot like potions except it doesn't blow in your face when you fail."

Everyone heard one girl muttering, "No, just burns the entire kitchen down and getting you grounded for three months."

Harry ignored everyone else as he worked; first making the dough before fixing the icing that should be frozen up, before warmed at the end. it was only when the cake was in the oven to be baked for an hour that he paused and stared around him.

He couldn't help but laugh.

Muggle-raised or not, not everyone knew how to cook and it showed. You could see dough covering faces, obviously bad mixtures of flour and water. The robes of some were streaked with all sorts of food but the most hilarious was to watch the trio of slytherin royalty.

Blaise was in charge of making popcorn and he looked bloody terrified of the covered pan, which was popping and growing by the minute.

Pansy's face was covered with sprays of Tomato sauce and she was busy working the oven open in order to get her tray of pizza in. Harry was surprised to see that it actually looked edible.

Draco, however, looked utterly bored. He was just standing there, looking at the steaming pot of water, the sauce already prepared with Tomatoes, mushrooms, parsley and various spices.

"Is it ready yet?" He asked no one in general. Harry walked over and picked a spoon up, dipping it into the sauce he tasted it and felt his eyes widen as he moaned loudly.

"Hmm, wow, Draco, this is really good."

Blaise, who got the all-clear from Remus about the almost-exploding pan, hastily dropped it and went to see how his lover flared.

He did as Harry and took a taste of the sauce. "Hmm, that's really good Draco."

The slytherin prince rolled his eyes. "Of course it tastes good, Blaise, I made it."

His lover rolled his eyes and Harry broke the moment by telling Draco to add the noodles into the hot water.

"Now remember, constant stirring or it will become a huge mess."

"I'm not an invalid Potter, I can read instructions."

"Fine, let's hope you won't burn anything." Right as Harry finished that, a scream broke out from the back of the room and all three (plus the entire class) turned to see one Hermione Granger staring at the burning oven.

"Professor! Help!" Lupin hurried over with a fire extinguisher and quickly put it out.

Coughing, the bushy haired girl frowned. "What went wrong? I read the instructions and followed them to a fault."

"Obviously not, otherwise it wouldn't have happened." One of the muggleborns snapped, undoubtedly sore about the fact that her hair smelled of smoke now.

"Don't take it out on me!" Hermione spoke angrily, "I-"

"Enough, Ms. Granger, go and clean yourself up." Remus broke them up, and huffing, Hermione went to do as told.

Soon, every student started pulling their projects out of the ovens and the class filled with the smell of food.

Remus grinned when Harry pulled out his cake and without warning, dipped his finger in and tasted it.

"Mmm." He moaned as the flavors mixed on his tongue and that seemed the cue as everyone slowly but surly started going to friends and neighbor cooks to try what they made.

Harry and other muggle-raised walked mostly to those who made junk-food and practically gorged themselves out.

Speaking of…

"So what's this suppose to taste like?" Draco asked as he looked at Pansy's creation.

The girl shrugged. "Pizza. I'm afraid to try it." She admitted and Harry shook his head. "Trust me," He stared, "it's great." He said, after he tasted it.

The girl raised a brow but took a bite from the food. Eyes wide, she released an even louder moan than Remus' and quickly took another bite.

Blaise and Draco, knowing just how picky this girl was when it came to food, stared at her in surprise and each took a bite of the remaining pizza.

"Wow." Blaise grinned as he took another slice, "That's junk food? It's great!" Draco nodded, not willing to speak with his mouth full.

"You're allowed to take your creations to the great hall for dinner." The class stared at him confused and he added. "Four hours have passed."

Shocked, most looked at their watches or murmured a tempus charm and noticed that he was right.

"See you next class."

-= I need to get laid -=-=-=-=-==-=-

Harry walked out of dinner, grinning at the fact that most of his year had went to the great hall still dirty from the cooking class.

It certainly granted them looks but most were too curious of the foods they made to care.

Julia certainly loved Blaise' popcorn.

And she said so quite a few times.

She was especially delighted by his tale of shooting the weasel and putting him down in the paintball war.

Shame he had to miss such a conversation due to his detention with his master.

And he still didn't manage to get a good bath.

Ah well, it's not like he hadn't smelled me already. He thought as he walked down to the dungeons.

"Professor? I'm here for my detention." Harry called and Snape sneered at him. "I'm well aware of that fact boy; otherwise I would have asked you to leave."

"Yes sir." Harry shook his head. "What am I suppose to do?"

"Get on your knees."

Harry blinked. Surly his imagination was playing tricks on him. Or maybe Severus finally gave in and wants to fuck me.

"W…what?"

"You heard me boy. Get on your knees and start cleaning the floor." The man snorted when Harry still stared at him.

"Did you think that there was another reason as to why I wanted you on your knees?"

The boy flushed and Snape smirked cruelly. "I knew I was right about your relationship with Ms. Weasley." He muttered and Harry saw him scribbling something on a piece of parchment.

"Ginny and I are in love!" Harry spoke up but Snape merely snorted. "The cleaning supplies are in their usual place, get to it little brat."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine." He shook his head.

Soon he found himself wet from the dirty water but when no comment on his clumsiness came forth, he raised his head and saw that Snape seemed to disappear.

Great, first he insinuates that I'm gay (not that it isn't true) and then he leaves. And I wanted him to see me wet. Harry snickered at the last thought.

"Is something amusing, boy?" Snape's voice made him jump and the entire bucket of water spilled right back on the floor.

"Honestly, if you're our last hope that I might as well go to the dark lord and beg for my life."

Harry bristled in anger. "I bet he would love to see you on your knees in front of him, begging or otherwise."

Snape looked at him amused. "Interesting thoughts are going through your head, Potter. Not many people think about the dark lord engaging in fornication."

"It's called sex, so stop using words like that." Harry muttered in embarrassment as he hastily got back to work.

Snape didn't comment and Harry soon finished.

"Your next detentions are going to be with Filch as I'll be too busy to watch after you."

Harry frowned. "Busy doing what?"

Snape raised a brow. "My, my. Aren't we nosy today?" Harry flushed and quickly left.

God, how I wish he'll fuck me.

=-=-=-= or anyone really =-=-=-=-=-=

TBC.

A/n: so how have you all been? (Not like DikiCat really cares, me is simply being polite)

I have been absolutely great, school was hectic to both Rock_Junkie and myself but the good news are that our grades are excellent (DikiCat is still keeping her ninety plus average much to her pleasure) not to mention that Rock_Junkie is turning eighteen on Tuesday the tenth of march (wish her a 'happy birthday' and send cake).

More new is that DikiCat (which is me which is also known as B2J) is going to publish several new things under her second nickname (B2J) and you'll love them.

They'll be coming next week in my reckoning.

And guess what? Soon DikiCat's tests are over (only have three more; I'm counting the reseat exam I'll be doing to improve my grades as a whole new test…yeah, yeah, I've been told I'm an overachiever.) and your cat will be free to work on the final project in peace before finishing school.

And something you'll be sure to like….DikiCat is going to date a new beauty, an older woman aged thirty…wish her luck.

So enjoy the story, wait for B2J's new updates…and review.

P.s: DikiCat's stories have Harry/Tom relationship…Severus/Lucius mind blowing sex…the Weasley twins in their hot naked glory…if you tell me who you want more…I'll give it to you sooner.

Toddles.

And now, for my two bits, by Rock Junkie:

IT'S MY 18TH BIRTHDAY ON TUESDAY!!!!

And I'm going to a metal show Tomorrow (Sunday) from 18:00 to 6:00 *Grin*

After that I'm gonna have a week of just having fun and relaxing.

Sorry about not writing or updating for so long. Well, you know. Life. But now, hopefully, we'll have some more time… Maybe.

So anyway, Hope you liked this chapter! Give us your views, and don't forget to see B2J's stuff next week, and see you next time!