Chapter 5 Driven

"There they are," Phineas announced as they approached a pasture and a few cows came into view.

"They do look sick," Jeff observed and it was true. As they approached the cows, rough patches where fur had fallen out could be seen on their backs. In each hairless area was an open sore and a trickle of fluid that Jeff thought must be pus had made paths over the flanks of the animal and down its legs and belly. He watched as something dripped off the udder, and suddenly felt sick.

"Let me see your arm," Phineas said, reaching for Jeff's wrist.

Jeff's expression showed his displeasure. He kept his arm bent, resisting Bogg's pull at first, but slowly he straightened it and let the man he trusted hold his arm.

"Ow!" Jeff yelled and pulled away from him, as quick as a flash, Phineas scratched his arm with the knife blade.

"Sorry, that's the only thing that'll hurt," Phineas reassured him.

Jeff stood holding his arm as blood from the small cut slowly trickled down toward his elbow. Then he watched in shock, as his partner bent down and scraped the knife blade across the pus that was dripping from the sore on the poor animal's udder.

"No way Bogg," Jeff said, taking a step backward and shaking his head. "I changed my mind."

"It won't hurt, scratching you with the knife hurt more than this will," Phineas explained as he stood up holding the pus-covered knife blade in front of him.

"Get away from me!" Jeff repeated, and took a step back.

"Come on, you can't back out now..."

"I sure can!" Jeff interrupted him angrily. "Get away from me with that!"

Phineas took one quick step toward Jeffrey, grabbed his arm again, and wiped the knife blade over the cut.

"Hey! I said no!" Jeff yelled and tried to twist his arm to get away, but Phineas held on, and still moving quickly, wrapped a clean cloth around the cut, holding the pus in place over the scratch he had made.

"The longer we wait, the more dangerous it is," he said as he let go and Jeffrey backed away from him.

"You had no right to do that!" Jeff shouted.

"I'm sorry kid, but it didn't look like you'd agree."

"And that's why you shouldn't have done it!" Jeff shouted.

Phineas moved toward Jeffrey and spoke softly, "I'm really sorry ..."

"Don't touch me," Jeff said angrily and moved out from under Bogg's hand.

Phineas paused, he felt terrible, and Jeff's reaction made it worse.

"I'm sorry kid, really, but it's the only way to protect you. And we just can't afford to wait."

"Just stay away from me," Jeff repeated and Phineas heard a tone he'd never heard from Jeff before. It seemed to be a strange mix of rage and fear, but Jeff couldn't be afraid of him, could he?

"I did it to save you," Bogg whispered as Jeff moved farther away, then turned toward the dirt track.

As they made there way back to Sadie's barn, Jeff walked on the opposite side of the track as far away from Phineas as he could get. He could feel the ooze under the wrapping on his arm, and as he thought about what was covering his cut, he suddenly felt sick. He stopped and bent over, dry heaving onto the grass on the side of the road. He held his arm straight out to the side, as far away from his body as he could get it, and tried to force himself to think about something else. Sweat soaked his forehead as he took a deep breath, trying to block out any thoughts except that he wanted to keep walking to get away from his partner. Bogg had no right to do this to him when he had refused, he thought angrily. He didn't care about him at all. "Well, from now on, I don't care about you either," Jeff thought to himself. "When can I take this off?" he asked in a hostile voice as he straightened up.

"A few hours," Phineas answered softly. He had stood uncertainly, watching Jeff get sick, wanting to reach out to him, but knowing the kid would push him away.

"How many?" Jeff repeated in a nasty tone.

"Three," he answered quickly, afraid that if he took too long to answer, it might make Jeff even angrier. In truth, he wasn't sure how long was necessary, a few minutes might be all that was needed, but he erred on the side of caution, figuring that three hours would definitely cover it.

As they walked along the road, on opposite sides, on their way back to Sadie's barn, Phineas wondered sadly when Jeff might forgive him for this. He'd had no choice, this situation had no other options and he'd felt driven by a sense of urgency and panic that were foreign to him. He wasn't one to panic, but Jeff's life was at stake. It was just as dangerous as if there was a loaded gun pointed at his head. Jeff just didn't understand that.

He rubbed his temple as he walked. He felt terrible. His stomach had never completely recovered from their journey here, and now, on top of the nausea, it felt like it was tied up in knots. They reached the barn and Jeff quickly moved towards a wooded area on the edge of the barnyard.

"Stay where I can see you," Bogg called after him and noticed that he did stop before he actually entered the woods, but he didn't acknowledge the instruction at all.

As the edge of the sun touched the top of the trees that lined the field, Jeff walked to the pond, ripped off the bandage and washed his arm. He was pretty good about estimating the passage of time without a clock.

They spent the next two days in the barn where Sadie lived. There were several tack rooms and a shed attached to the rear of the structure and Sadie had been happy for some company, especially Bogg's company. He spent most of his time at a bench in the tack room, trying to fix the omni, and the rest, socializing with Sadie. He felt the barn was the safest place for Jeffrey, and wanted to stay in her good graces. On the second day, they heard two rumors about men from farms outside of the village who had taken ill with smallpox.

During those days, Jeffrey stayed as far away from Phineas as he could. When he was forced to be close, he looked away and ignored him as much as possible. Phineas watched him, worried that he might be accidentally exposed to smallpox too soon, but equally distressed by Jeff's indifference to his presence. He had tried to talk to Jeff, but the kid hadn't spoken to him at all since his exposure. Phineas had never felt so much stress. What if Jeffrey couldn't forgive him for this? What would he do? Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't just Jeffrey needing him, he needed Jeff, too. He needed Jeff to care about him and be his family. Somehow, he didn't think he would feel complete otherwise, and that was something he didn't want to think about.

On the third day, Jeffrey approached the rough bench where Bogg was still trying to fix the omni.

"Well, you got your wish," he said in a hostile tone. They were the first words he had spoken to his partner since his exposure to the disease.

"What wish?"

"I'm sick."

Phineas looked up from his task, "does your arm hurt?" Sadie had told him that was the first sign.

"Yeah."

"Chills too?"

"What'd you think, I just said I was sick," Jeff answered irritably.

Phineas paused, then stood up and pointed to the inside of the barn. "Come and lie down."

Jeff walked back to the tack room they'd been sleeping in. It wasn't fancy, but he noticed that today, there was clean bedding on the cot. He lay down thankfully. His head was pounding and the cut on his arm ached terribly.

Phineas watched him from the doorway, afraid that Jeff wouldn't want him to get too close, but needing to be there. There was a long silence after Jeff lay down, and finally Phineas moved to sit beside the cot. Jeffrey's eyes were closed and he didn't seem to notice.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Phineas asked cautiously.

"Just leave me alone." The tone was cold, angry.

Phineas sighed and continued to sit beside the boy. "I can't," he whispered.

Within fifteen minutes, Jeff began to move around restlessly. Phineas felt his forehead. He'd expected him to have a fever, but was unprepared for how fast it had developed.

Jeff turned his head from side to side. "Bogg," he murmured, over and over again.

Phineas filled a basin from the well and wiped Jeff's forehead and face with a cool rag. As the hours ticked by, Jeff's voice grew weaker. Phineas had cared for many sick people during his time as a voyager, but nothing had prepared him for the desperation and worry he felt as he worked through the evening, trying to ease some of Jeffrey's suffering. No matter what he did, the fever seemed to keep going up.

"How's the boy?" Sadie asked, poking her head into the room at about midnight.

"His fever keeps getting worse no matter what I do," Phineas said in desperation as he continued to work. He knew it was late and that she was awake out of concern for them, but he was too upset to express anything but near-panic.

"I know it seems very bad, but he'll only be this sick for one night. In the morning, he'll start to improve."

Phineas glanced at her, "I hope you're right," he whispered. In truth, Jeff's voice had become so much weaker over the past hour, that Phineas wasn't sure how much more of this fever he could take. It was easy for Sadie to say it would be better in the morning, but she didn't love Jeff like Phineas did. He was scared, and suffering right along with the boy.

"I never should have exposed him to this," he whispered to himself, but even as the words formed in his mind, he knew there had been no choice. Even if Jeff had been immunized in school, Phineas knew that vaccines could wear off. After all, didn't they pull voyagers back to headquarters every 5 years for check-ups and booster shots? And Jeff had been with him for 2 years already. If he'd been vaccinated in school, he would've been young and it might have worn off by now. There was just no other course of action for him to take. He had felt driven by the urgency of getting the virus into Jeff immediately. His single-minded focus had been so intense that he hadn't even wanted to talk to jeff about it, he'd just done it. That's why Jeff now hated him, and Bogg desperately hoped he could find it in his heart to forgive him.

As much as he knew he'd had no choice, he still felt intense remorse. He had made Jeffrey this sick. It was one hundred percent his fault and he wanted to strike out at something so that he would feel pain too. But he couldn't move away from Jeff, he had to keep working. He had no idea how much he was helping him, or even if he was helping at all, but he couldn't seem to stop putting the cool cloths on his head and wiping down his face and upper body. Through it all, Jeff just kept moving restlessly, and saying his name, in a weaker and weaker voice.

Suddenly, a thought struck him. He pushed the covers aside, then leaned down and gently picked Jeff up and headed for the door. He carried him through the barn and walked into the pond and sat down, pulling Jeff's head close to his chest and pushing his body under the water. After a few minutes, he thought he could feel Jeffrey relax a bit. He wrapped his arms around the kid and pushed his wet hand over Jeff's hot forehead and across his cheek.

"Just stick with me kid, that's all you gotta do," he whispered as they sat in the water together.