A/N: Just a quick note... As this story is only canon up to the end of Book 5 (excluding Sirius's death), Snape's family history is very different to how it is told near the end of the series. =]
P.S. Hehe, while writing parts of this I was listening to Rachmaninov's Piano Concertos 2 + 3, which make everything really dramatic. Sooo, if it's not dramatic enough... XD Try reading it while listening to Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, Op. 18: No. 1, Moderato. =]
P.P.S. Or, 'Severus and Lily', from the soundtrack of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2', which I do not own. Or 'Harry's Sacrifice', or 'The Resurrection Stone', or 'Courtyard Apocalypse', or 'Procession'... Just some of my favourites. =]
Oh God, I listened to too many different inspirational songs while writing this to list them all...
That reminds me...
I do not own the Harry Potter franchise, books or the films, or the characters.
The door burst open and Sirius stumbled, almost fell, in a whirlwind of messy coal-black hair and various flowing garments, into Dumbledore's office. He was followed most closely by Remus (who had discreetly tugged Sirius upright by the collar of his coat), then Dumbledore, looking mischievous, and then the rest of the Order looking extremely confused.
"Alright, Remus nearly had me convinced to give YOU a chance-" here Sirius directed a withering stare at Snape, and Remus looked embarrassed, "-that your chatter meant there was the tiniest hope in hell that you wouldn't poison Harry as soon as we left you alone with him, but I'm not standing for this!" Sirius strode forward and placed himself between Harry and Snape. "You will not be allowed in the same bedchamber as my godson."
'Oh god, here we go...'
"Err, sorry, I'm probably just being thick here," Ron interjected, glaring suspiciously at Snape, "but why in Merlin's name would Snape be in Harry's bedroom?"
"Professor Snape, dear," Molly reminded him gently. "But actually," she continued, "now that you mention it... I don't quite understand, why would he be in Harry's room?" she asked, a frown creasing her usually cheerful face.
Automatically everyone's heads turned to look questioningly at Harry. Hit by all the sudden attention, he was petrified - by Hermione's unassuming, trusting gaze, Ron's bewildered expression, looking to Harry for an answer... But most of all he was afraid to look at Sirius, knowing that the truth would break his heart. Knowing that his godson was engaged to his childhood enemy, a man he despised with great and seemingly uncontainable passion, would destroy him. Unable to bear the tension, Harry was about to make up a wild lie when Dumbledore, who had sidled over to him unnoticed, whispered in his ear,
"Sirius already knows." Harry stared up at Dumbledore in horror, 'What has he said? Is that why he was so mad? He's going to hate me. I'll never be able to look him in the eye again', and the old man tried to reassure him: "That's why he was listening at the door - I thought he would take the news better if he wasn't actually in the room with Severus at the time, that Remus and I could calm him down a little..." He shook his head resignedly. "I over-estimated his tolerance. I thought he would be able to put aside petty childhood rivalries, even the most intense, for your sake." Harry didn't respond. "We just need to give him time, he'll come round." No reply. "Harry," Dumbledore looked at the still-terrified boy in front of him with something akin to pity in his eyes, "He's not angry with you."
Hearing this took a huge weight off Harry's chest, as Dumbledore expected it would. The Headmaster knew that Harry would automatically place the blame on himself, even for things he had no hope of influencing. In fact, this was one of the qualities that so endeared Harry to all those around him, a product of his less-than-coddled childhood.
Harry felt more able to face everyone else, knowing that the worst part had already been dealt with. He locked eyes with Severus from across the room ('Severus really does have the most liquid eyes I've ever seen...') and held his gaze, as he took a deep breath and announced to the room, "Because we're engaged."
Having delivered the bomb, Harry shut his eyes and waited anxiously for it to detonate into screaming and possibly blood.
There was silence.
And more silence.
And yet more silence. 'Has everybody dropped dead of shock? That might be a BIT of an over-reaction...' He opened his eyes. Nope, they were all still there, staring at him and blinking like... rabbits, yes, stunned rabbits, who'd been electrified...?
Severus was clearly unimpressed. His arms were folded tightly, the first sign of impending doom for a severely under-performing class. Strangely, Severus looked more annoyed than angry. He cleared his throat irritably.
"Come now, it's not that bad."
Still nothing.
"I'M NOT GOING TO DEVOUR HIM IN HIS SLEEP FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!"
At his normally-dour Potions Master's outburst Harry was hit by a fit of riotous giggles, and managed to mouth 'Jealous?' at him over the blushing, muttering faces of the Order. Harry found it hilarious that Severus was so visibly insulted that everyone clearly imagined him to be difficult to live with, that they couldn't possibly entrust their precious 'Boy-Who-Lived' to his care.
As Harry became able to breathe normally again, he was aware of Ron and Hermione exchanging frantic, furtive hand signals. He hoped they knew what they meant because he had no clue; he supposed this was one of the things that had developed between them as they grew closer and closer, and experienced a pang of regret that he was planning to sign away his chance of finding love.
Just as they realised Harry had noticed them, they both took a step towards him and Ron declared in an uncharacteristically lawyerly voice: "Right, as Harry's friends we are staging an intervention." With that they each grabbed an arm and proceeded to frogmarch Harry out of the office. The adults just managed to catch splutters of "Hey- hold on!" before the trio disappeared and the heavy oak door slammed shut behind them.
"Gryffindors."
Ron and Hermione both began to talk very rapidly as they rushed him towards the Gryffindor tower - as it was Sunday, and most of the students from the higher years were on a Hogsmeade trip, there were very few people around the school.
"Don't worry, we'll send you chocolate, and food, and-"
"Visit you as often as we can-"
"I'll look up some really nasty hexes for you-"
"In fact, speaking of food (thanks for reminding me, Ron)," Hermione beamed at the red-head, before comically becoming aware of Harry's presence again, and shoved some chocolate down Harry's throat.
"There, that's for the shock."
'No it wasn't, it was clearly meant to be a distraction,' Harry thought, grinning to himself while trying to swallow as much of the chocolate in one go as possible. As he chewed, something struck Harry - from what Hermione and Ron had said while trying to make him feel better, it sounded like they had accepted Harry's marriage as an inevitability; Hermione hadn't suggested a trip to the library to research unusual Wizarding marriage cases, and Ron hadn't offered various impractical but hilarious solutions, such as putting a Body-Bind Curse on Snape and leaving him in Moaning Myrtle's cubicle for the rest of the year.
Choking slightly on the chocolate, Harry asked his friends, "But, you're not going to help me get out of this?"
"Well, it's awfully bad luck Harry, I really feel for you," Ron intoned meaningfully while clasping Harry's hand, "especially if you have to- but anyway, the thing is..." He seemed unable to find the right words. Hermione finished his sentence for him. "Harry, it's a really eligible offer- no, no, wait, listen- think about it, he's so powerful, he can protect you from Voldemort better than anyone else could-"
"Yeah, an' his family's really rich you know, heaps of gold-" Ron interjected cheerfully,
"Though that's OBVIOUSLY not a good reason for marrying him, Ron, and, well, he's not exactly bad to look at, is he...?" Hermione trailed off, going slightly pink.
Harry just managed to conceal his shock and inexplicable embarrassment that Hermione had voiced Harry's thoughts exactly, from a few hours ago. So it wasn't just him who had noticed that, despite all the mocking descriptions the Gryffindors had made up and laughed over of him in the common room over the years, a taut line of muscle could just be made out on Severus' arms under his concealing cloak, and on his slim legs under the tight, black linen breeches he wore everyday.
However, Ron's eyes bulged so much that Harry was worried for his blood pressure.
"Are you INSANE? Have you been Confunded? Either could be plausible, you know," Ron said, raising his eyebrows inquiringly at Harry as if they were having a completely reasonable discussion.
"Alright alright, if you can't see it then you can't," Hermione tried to brush off Ron's question. Sadly to no avail.
"But, but, his HAIR!"
"In case you hadn't noticed, Ron, his hair has been far from greasy of late; I suspect he was only using wax to emulate the style of one Lucius Malfoy."
"In English, please?" said Ron testily.
"He was copying Draco's dad to fit in with the other Death Eaters," Hermione snapped, "but recently he's been distancing himself from them. I think Dumbledore was planning to bring him out of the field, even without you two going off and getting engaged."
That thought hadn't struck Harry before, and he considered it, ignoring the fact that Hermione had made it sound like he and Severus had gone to the Ministry with the sole intention of getting married. "Yes, I suppose he'll have to now..." Harry wondered if he would be pleased about this. "But, what's all this about eligible offers?"
The trio continued walking as Hermione answered.
"Well, Snape's family is a much respected one, old money, you know, and since he's of such a high-ranking status it's going to be pretty hard for you to back out of the engagement. You might as well just get on with it."
"But how can his offer possibly be considered eligible - for one thing, he's a teacher and I'm a student, and for another, he's a man! I mean, we're both- I'm a boy-"
"I know what you mean Harry," Hermione interrupted, looking at Harry's red cheeks with a sympathetic look on her face, "but the rules are different here. For one thing, relationships between teachers and students aren't taboo, they're considered perfectly legitimate. In fact, you should be pretty honoured to be chosen by someone wise enough to be entrusted with the task of instructing young mi-"
"But he DIDN'T choose me, we were forced into this! It was marriage or Azkaban!"
Hermione waited to reply until they had climbed in through the portrait hole and slumped on a comfy wallowy sofa. Once they'd all wriggled into comfortable positions, she replied.
"All the same, Harry, he's doing you a huge honour by asking for your hand - if anyone had any doubts as to your right to lead the wizarding world in the fight against Voldemort, he has squashed them by pledging his and all the families allied or in debt to him's allegiance to you."
'Great, another reason for everyone to expect impossible feats from me.' "What? In debt to him?"
"It's been a common practise in all the European Wizarding communities since the 1300s: if you or your family is in a huge debt to someone, caused by them doing you a huge service like a landlord lending a subject money or giving them a house, then you give up your right to choose who you vote for in elections, what candidates you support; their political views become yours."
For some reason the idea disgusted Harry, possibly because he knew just what it was like to have no control over your own life.
"That's... wrong. You shouldn't just be able to take away people's freedom like that."
"I think so too, but the fact remains that Snape, although reluctantly, control the votes of many wizarding families. That could be a huge part in your favour if you ever decide to stand for the post of Minister. I've done some research on the subject," she added unnecessarily.
"But you know I don't want to do anything like that. When... all this... is over, I will be normal. I will live normally. Like a normal person."
"A married normal person."
"Thanks, Ron."
About three quarters of an hour later, Harry, Ron and Hermione returned wearily to Dumbledore's office. Even the gargoyles that guarded the entrance seemed to Harry to be giving him sly, knowing looks when he wasn't paying attention.
As they stood in a line outside the door, feeling very intrepid, Hermione took out her wand.
"Un-Impedo," she whispered, and the door burst open, swung on its hinges and hit the inside wall with a bang. When she saw the disbelieving looks Harry and Ron were giving her, she shrugged with a half-smile.
"We might as well make a good entrance, as everyone would be staring at us anyway."
"Let's not think about the logic in that too deeply," Ron advised, and in they went.
Snape was leant over Dumbledore's desk, both hands planted on the surface as he studied a piece of parchment. Harry inadvertently took in the long, elegant lines of Severus' body, then gave himself a mental shaking. 'It was that kiss, it's messing with your head...'
At the sound of their entrance, Severus spun around, his upper lip slightly curled.
"I see you've deigned to rejoin us," he remarked coolly. Harry shuddered at the disdain in his voice, and forced his expression to be neutral.
"No, we just had things to discuss," Harry replied, hoping he sounded equally aloof.
"And it took you nearly an hour, did it? Essential things, were they?"
"Leave Harry alone," growled Ron.
"You're his self-appointed bodyguard, are you? Well, you won't be able to do that much longer."
"I'll be here as long as he needs me," Ron retorted, taking a threatening step towards Snape.
"I am perfectly able to take care of him from here on, Mr Weasley," Snape whispered menacingly, drawing himself up like a shadow uncoiling, and Harry saw at this moment just how terrifying an adversary Severus would be.
"We will always be here for Harry, always."
Ron and Snape stayed glaring, nose to nose, for several seconds, before Snape conceded, looking at Ron angrily but appraisingly and stepping backwards to give him space.
Ron looked round at Harry, his face a mixture of amazement and comical pride. He crossed his arms triumphantly. "Well then... well... yeah."
Snape rolled his eyes, and glanced at Harry. "I think we'd better go before Mr Weasley here ruins the tentative impression he's made of possessing verbal agility and fluidity by making a crass comment about my person."
Ron growled at him. "You... you!"
Snape looked amused. "That's right Weasley, if you can't say anything nice, at least have the decency to be vague."
Ron gave up in disgust and turned away.
"Fine, fine, go and take Harry and have your way with him, see if I care... ...Harry, don't actually let him do that, will you?"
Harry's horrified expression was legendary, but almost everyone was sniggering rather than acting disgraced. Sirius was not amused, but that could be taken for granted. With a pained expression, he said quietly to Harry: "If you ever need me, I'll be there. I promise."
Unused to outwardly showing emotion, Harry looked at the floor rather than Sirius. "Thanks. I mean... I... really appreciate it."
"Yeah."
Both Gryffindors shuffled awkwardly and stared at their feet for a few moments, but then Sirius gave in and threw his arms around Harry, burying his face in his neck (and nearly knocking him over). "You're like a son to me, you know that?"
"Of course."
Standing in a corner unattended, Severus quietly watched this display of foolishness... Downright ridiculousness... They should be ashamed of themselves for being so maudlin in front of everyone... ...And tried to quell the feelings of jealousy that stirred in his reinvigorated heart.
"If you would kindly follow me to my- our, chambers."
Harry pondered Severus' words as they both began to stride down the chilly, stone corridors of Hogwarts towards the dungeons - at least, that was where Harry assumed they were going. From the extremely curt tone in which Severus had spoken, Harry could tell that he wasn't feeling quite as suave about the whole situation as he had pretended. Harry was pretty sure that his pride was stinging at the thought of having to share his rooms with him... Well, Harry couldn't help that, and he sure as hell wasn't going to grovel and apologise for it, Severus was the one who had made this mess.
Alright, maybe that was unfair, he had only done it to save both their skins, and that particular mission certainly wasn't one that they wanted anyone to find out about...
Harry wondered how many times in the past Severus had secretly rescued him from trouble, quietly and with no thanks from anyone. A stab of guilt struck Harry at the thought of the loneliness and thanklessness that the man who had saved so many lives received from the world. Maybe an apology wouldn't be out of order... Breaking the silence, Harry said:
"I'm sorry that you have to give up your space for me. Really, if there was other way I would do it gladly," he admitted, unable to think of anything profound to say and reproaching himself for it. Still pacing along beside Severus, he shoved his hands in his pockets defensively.
Severus smiled sardonically. He looked slightly awkward, as if he didn't quite know what he should say.
"Are you informing me that an ardent Gryffindor would go out of his way to accommodate the wishes of a mere Slytherin?" he asked, half-jokingly, but he seemed to have touched a nerve with Harry for he instantly flared up.
"You know, not everyone is so hung up on what House people are in as you are - some of us don't care about that segregationist-type stuff. All it does is divide people and cause fights!" 'Oh hell, what have I said,' Severus thought. 'It was to be expected really - Harry has been subject to bullying or extreme alienation from almost every house: his own, when everyone thought he had opened the Chamber of Secrets; Hufflepuff when he stole their Champion's glory by being picked for the Triwizard Tournament; Slytherin... Well, practically all the time. Maybe that will have to change...'
"Why don't you try being less judgemental about people's personalities, just from who their friends are and what classes they're in?" Harry finished. His eyes flashed with emotion, and Severus was taken aback as he saw the sincerity and passion in them.
"I apologise, it was only a comment out of habit," Severus said, trying to sound as earnest as possible, putting his hands up in a gesture of deference.
Mollified for the time being, Harry once again turned his face to the floor and continued their march, his feet perhaps hitting the ground harder than they had done before.
'For Merlin's sake, how is this possibly going to work?'
Harry noticed, during his study of the floor, that instead of sloping downwards the floor seemed to be going up, and the light, instead of getting greener and darker as he had imagined it would, was if anything becoming rosy. Lifting his head, he saw that although the pair of them appeared to have gone in the direction of the dungeons, they were indeed travelling up, not down. This was a part of the castle that Harry had never seen before. Even though by now it was late evening, the corridor seemed naturally brightly lit - Harry could see every detail on the beautiful paintings that lined the walls, and he thought he could detect veins of pink quartz running through the rock that made up the walls; was this what was causing the illusion of a pink glow?
His interest thoroughly aroused, Harry picked up the pace in his eagerness to know where they were headed; Severus grinned at Harry's non-existent attempt to hide his confusion.
At last they came to a door, slightly ajar, from which the light was streaming like a portal. Severus waved Harry in.
The raven-haired boy gasped. For it seemed he had, with that one single step, stumbled into the heart of the Northern Lights. Wisps of delicate yet unbelievably vibrant colour wafted around the room in indescribable patterns, mists of every hue imaginable (and some not) gently undulating in the air. Astonished, Harry turned to Severus, the question clear on his face. He was half expecting not to be able to hear the man - the lights were so captivating and wholesome that it seemed as if they gave out a deafening noise of their own, filling and blocking your ears just as they stole the attentions of your eyes.
But, it was as if Severus' voice was part of the display, it blended so seamlessly with the colours. Harry knew these must be Severus' rooms: simply put, the man fitted here, as Harry had never seen him do anywhere else.
Unwilling to break Harry's fascination, Severus spoke quietly. "I am lucky enough to get this view every evening. This is sunset. I..." Severus paused and looked away - Harry had no idea what he was thinking. "...would be honoured to share it."
Harry was clearly awestruck, though whether by the view or the admission that the idea of sharing something with him didn't make him want to kill himself, Severus didn't know. So he led Harry gently to an armchair and let him explore the room with his eyes.
Severus's quarters fitted snugly into a niche at the edge of the castle, jutting out slightly over the grounds like the turret of a tower. A large, circular window with many different-shaped panes was the main focus of the room, lending an expansive view of the school grounds, and providing the priceless sunlight. A couple of sandy-coloured doors led off to other rooms at the sides of the main chamber, which was spacious, containing many bookshelves and writing desks.
"I've never come across this area of this castle before," Harry said suddenly and slowly, "And I've never been in a room with a view of this side of the castle..."
"It is the only one," Severus confirmed. "This used to be the old alchemy tower, before the subject was made selective and less space was needed: the quartz you may have noticed in the walls was built into the design specially, due to its unique property of being able to absorb fumes and excess or potentially dangerous magic harmlessly. It was decided that it would be the most fitting living quarters for a Potions Master, and it has the advantage of being directly above the dungeons."
"You call that an advantage?"
Severus ignored him. "I have a small one-way mirror built into the floor over there which I can use to observe my Slytherins when necessary - it looks down from the high ceiling of the common room. And you have never come across it before because I have set up repelling and warding charms." He smiled without much humour. "I know how inquisitive some students can be."
"It was an accident! We didn't do it, it was someone else-"
"Please calm yourself, I was not referring to any incident in particular..."
"We didn't mean to! But the staircases moved, and, and-"
Snape sighed and flexed his fingers longingly. "Although there are plenty I could mention..."
"It never happened, I swear!"
"Potter, shut up. Just be glad that I find the idea of taking points away from someone I will be living with distasteful."
This puzzled Harry. 'Well, idiot, did you expect him to act like a teacher with you, in private?'
Snape smirked at Harry's expression. "Really, Potter, do you consider me that despicable? I was under the impression that we had agreed to work together."
That comment drew Harry's mind back to earlier today, and he remembered something that he had wanted to ask.
"Why did you want to know about my upbringing?"
"I... am merely curious... I would like to hear about it, if you wouldn't mind telling me...?"
In the silence that followed, Severus became unnerved by the disbelieving look in Harry's eye as the boy stared at him, not speaking. Thoughts flitted through Severus' mind; 'Is it possible that...? Surely not...'
Harry made an effort to censor the emotions visible on his face, but something was still off in his voice when he replied, too offhandedly,
"You're almost the first adult to ask me that... Not that you care," he tried to rally some of his usual spirit, "you just want to know for the sake of knowing." It was clear that admitting so pained him, no matter how he tried to hide it.
Severus frowned. "What are you implying, Harry?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders, his face now displaying the fake nonchalance he had come to adopt whenever he talked about his aunt and uncle. Perhaps more observant or attentive teachers and friends would have noticed the signs sooner, or perhaps Harry was just very adept at disguising them. The sad truth was, Harry actually didn't think his treatment at his relative's hands was as disgusting as it really was, and he didn't want to make a fuss about it: trying not to be a bother to anyone was something ingrained him by the Dursleys, and like the still-very-naive person that he was inside, he didn't know just how distraught everyone would be if they were to find out how he lived in the muggle world.
The fuse of Severus' patience was shortening. "Well for Merlin's sake, Potter, don't be purposefully awkward will you, that would be really annoying." 'That sounded a little harsh.' He added quietly, to soften his words, "I... genuinely want to know."
Harry looked down, and then to the side.
"Well, my aunt and uncle preferred my cousin to me, but that's alright, I was understandably just a nuisance to them from the beginning - who wants a baby that's been dumped on your doorstep, without so much as a by-your-leave?"
This seemed ridiculous to Severus: 'The baby can't have been unwanted, it was their sister's son!' Severus was unaware that he was actually reproaching the Dursleys for their reluctance to take care of anything of Lily's; he would have leaped at the opportunity with open arms.
"What with now having two children to feed and only Uncle Vernon working, they didn't have very much money, so naturally I missed out on some meals. They did sometimes use that as a punishment... But, it was hard for them, the stress, you see?" Harry looked at Severus with pleading eyes, knowing that he was being rather more forgiving towards his relatives than was usual, and silently asking Severus to help justify their behaviour. Harry was only trying to seem independent by making light of the abuse, for that was what it undoubtedly was, but when Severus looked back at him stony-eyed, Harry misinterpreted it as a show of disdain at the tiny amount of hardship Harry had put up with, and his feeling that he was making too much of it was reinforced.
"It's safe to say they don't like me very much... They've accused me of plotting against them on various occasions, but I don't think they were really serious. I think my cousin is rather scared of me now, actually. I suppose that comes from his parents calling me a freak whenever they possibly can, that kind of thing can give a person the wrong impression."
Severus continued to stare at him.
"And all this doesn't matter to you. You don't see it as important," Severus stated, trying to build up a picture of why Harry was being so blase.
"Well, no," replied Harry with no small degree of surprise. "I mean, Professor Dumbledore would have found me somewhere else to live if there was another way, I know that. The fact that he didn't must mean there is no other way."
"Why?" Severus persisted, needing to know what the crux of the issue was. "Why would he have found you somewhere else to live? What would cause him to do that?"
"Well, I don't expect he liked the fact that they kept me in a cupboard for ten years, along with the whole denying-me-food thing... He couldn't know about that, and not try his best to do something about it-"
"They kept you... in a cupboard."
"Yeah, under the stairs, so-"
"A cupboard."
"Yes! You know, I'm surprised Dumbledore didn't tell you all that himself."
"Harry..."
"Mm?"
"He doesn't know.
Nobody knows."
Harry wanted to protest.
One look at Severus' expression told him that he was telling the truth.
Severus watched as Harry visibly shrank into himself, skin paling alarmingly quickly to white.
Then, just as quickly, Harry's face became contorted with anger and his stature grew, his fists began to shake and his eyes hardened. The contempt in the young man's eyes was terrible to see.
"You're right. I am a fool for trusting people, for 'putting a brave face' on everything. I should be angry! I should be mad about everything that's happened to me! Because, you know what, it was all in vain. I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, and I should know not to trust or believe in anyone!" Harry's voice had risen to a shout.
Severus' heart sank. Yes, he had been scathing of Harry's trusting nature in the past, but he hadn't meant for him to become bitter! Just to be more of a realist, less of a, a Gryffindor.
But now, seeing Harry in this mood, he realised that it was just these qualities that made Harry special and the admirable young man that Severus was finally beginning to see - the fact that he could still be so faithful after all the events of his past, his optimistic views on life and the way he kept on trying.
"Harry, I didn't-"
"Didn't what, Severus?" Harry advanced menacingly on him, a step for every word. "Didn't mean it? But it's true, isn't it. Didn't mean for me to get angry? I think it's my bloody right to be angry!"
"Harry-"
"I don't want to talk about this! Not with you! And ironically, you will be the only one who ever knows."
"Stop!"
"Make me!"
Harry was standing on the tips of his toes, fuming and staring up at Severus (who towered over him anyway). They were close, chest to thrust-out chest, but despite the fact that Harry was glaring in his face Severus got the feeling that Harry wasn't really seeing him.
Harry opened his mouth to make another furious outburst, when Severus stretched out his hand (took no time at all, their noses were almost touching; an onlooker would have found it comical, seeing Severus bent at the waist to bring his face closer to Harry's, all the better to yell at him) and placed a pale finger on Harry's lips. The pair made an interesting contrast, Harry gone scarlet from shouting and Severus unusually white. A little stunned from Harry's histrionics, Severus noted light-headedly all the different shades in the flecks of green in Harry's eyes.
The pair stayed as still as statues in this strange position for a few seconds, like a parody of a ballroom hold, then as quickly as the fight had begun, Harry turned sharply away from Severus.
"I'm going to bed."
His arms were trembling like leaves.
"I don't think you should be alone," Severus said quietly. He was surprised to find that his voice did not betray the turmoil going on inside his chest.
"I'm going..." Harry repeated with less conviction. Uncertainty in his eyes, he made as if to face Severus, but then his eyes hardened.
"Goodnight."
Harry all but ran to the nearest door he could see, wrenched it open and disappeared inside.
Severus sighed, and made his way to a settee, transfiguring it to make it bigger.
"He can't possibly know that it's my room he's just claimed..."
And with a wave of his wand he extinguished the lanterns, leaving the room in almost darkness. The sun had set long ago.
As Severus lay there, staring at patterns of light on the ceiling, he began to think.
'He came so close to trusting me... I should really belittle him for letting his guard down so easily to someone who has shown him no kindness in the past, but I can't. Hell, what was I thinking just now? I should promise myself to have no physical contact with him, but I can't. I just can't. Honestly, if he has already caused me to become this foolishly sentimental already, who knows what will happen in the next week alone?
'I fear he is uncommonly troubled by what happened in the Ministry - not least the kiss. Hah, I expect he didn't think I was capable of any passionate feeling...
'Ecstasy, the chance I never had with Lily. For a split second, it could have been her, loving me as much as I did her. And then I remembered that Harry was probably inwardly recoiling, hating me for what I was doing. The taste in my mouth turned bitter.
'The stupid boy should know not to try my patience - it's not as if he hasn't suffered the consequences in the past. But then, I know first-hand how he fails to learn from his mistakes. Blast all those promises about 'working together', the little git obviously didn't take them seriously, so why should I? Did he think I'd just be able to overlook everything, our entire history, years of mutual hatred, in a day?
'That's not quite true, actually. I could never hate the son of Lily Evans. He's too much like her; he's also too much like his father. Maybe I can try to moderate that in the months to come... If you ignored the self-worship, disregard for rules and arrogant ways he obviously inherited from his father, his presence might almost be tolerable. Certainly, he has a sense of humour and quick wit that I never before realised he possessed...
'But his insolence this evening! I could barely control my anger, I admit that I was almost afraid I would hurt him. Afraid, yes, that is the right word.
'What did he mean by all that talk about his relatives? Maybe he was lying, attention-seeking as always; why would his only living relations do such things?
'I suppose I do remember Albus commenting to me how thin the boy looked when he first arrived at Hogwarts... But in the years after that, he filled out a bit, didn't he...? He spent most of his holidays at the Weasley's, though, and their mealtimes are legendary, there's a reason that the thick one he's friends with is almost as tall as me... 'Unnaturally small for his age', that's what Minerva said... Almost agoraphobic... Wearing second-hand, misfit, mismatched clothes...
'Good God, now that I think about it... Could it be true?'
Severus felt an awful twist in his stomach, almost a pain, with the realisation that he and Harry probably shared more similarities than he had thought. At first he tried to refuse to feel sorry for the boy, but he didn't have the heart.
'But, James Potter's son!' 'No, Lily Evans' son...'
'Have I been unjust to him, all this time? Please, no, tell me that's not the case...'
A/N:
Honestly now, do I use too many ellipses?
Ok, one more song recommendation: 'Guys Like Potter' from A Very Potter Sequel, which I also do not own. It's awesome, and the song is very sad.