Inside, there was a huge hall, with tables. There were a million students sitting there, some were dressed with a sign that said Gryffindor, and another table really fancied snakes. There also was a table with Ravenclawers, and also one with Hufflepuff. Ron's eyes bulged out. Then he saw a hat. It was old, and it moved a little bit. It looked like it was patched up, with old rags. All of a sudden, it sneezed. The first-years all tried to hide behind Ron's back, since he was tallest.
McGonagall, the proud teacher/head/deputy-headmistress of Hogwarts, stood still and looked down at the first years, then to Ron, and said: "So, are you all ready? Practiced your performances? Fine, we will now begin." All the first-years looked happy. Nervous, but happy. Ron was in shock. Again. Performances? What? He muttered something that sounded like : no! don't do this to me!
And one of the first-years, a small girl with black hair and big gray eyes looked up at him, concerned. She grabbed his trousers, and pulled him back.
"It's a performance," she whispered, with big eyes. "You are supposed to do something with the sorting hat on, and then he'll now where to put you!"
She held up her pink tutu and said: "see? I'm dancing for him. Everyone practiced for ages! Didn't you read about it in your letter?"
Ron cursed himself. He didn't read the letter. Legolas had. "No! "he said. "I only garden! I can't dance! I have no talents!"
The girl looked at Ron carefully, and offered some solutions: "Like, can you act? Or, what's your favorite band? Song? You can sing!! Something appropriate."
Ron winced; " I can't act!" McGonagall's voice shouted through the hall. " And now, our first act, Ron Billius!" Everyone clapped, and looked around curiously.
Ron stepped forward, put on the hat, and tried to ignore the crowd. He hated crowds. The hat had to know that.
So, the first thing Ron did, was close his eyes and thought really hard : I am afraid of crowds, don't make me do this. I am afraid of crowds.
He opened his eyes, and saw everyone staring, completely silent. He swallowed hard. Damn. He drew a deep breath, and sang a shivering line. The first sentence coming to mind, seeing the school, the crowd.
"You seem very well, things look peaceful"
There was a white haze in front of his eyes, he could do this. He would dare. He would be brave.
"I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know" well, they should. Shouldn't they? He saw the smiles of people, as they recognized the song. Not many did though. He saw Harry smiling wide, but well, Ron had already known Harry knew the song. Hermione looked confused. But who could blame her? He sang a capella, and he didn't have quite the vocals Alanis had.
"Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity; I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner".
Well, he did hate that, yes. But now, he saw more and more people smiling. Maybe this was turning out good. They didn't "boo" him away. Ron regained strength, and thinking of his youth, he sang:" It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced," and then, without thinking he went on: "Are you thinking of me when you fuck her…" Uh-oh, Ron thought, as two first-years burst into tears, hearing the F-word. He quickly ran through the words of the next chorus, and found they weren't all that appropriate either. So he decided to change them, but keep the melody.
"Cause I want to be here, cause I feel here at home,
And I'm scared as a bird as, as I'm singing here, oh!
And every time I make some friends I screw it up, they're accidents.
Accidents! But I want to start here."
Well, that went well, Ron thought. So his confidence was at its top, and suddenly, he wasn't Alanis, he wasn't trying to be her, but he did have her vocals.
" And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know"
People were clapping the melody, so Ron decided to give them some more verses.
" Cause the joke that I was in the life that was mine
And the terror that I had in many lives,
and few love
And every time I make some friends I kill the time we had
and never look back ..well I still see it
Well I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of a house in this school where I want to be
You, you, you oughta know"
Ron went silent, and the room exploded with applause, whistles, and screaming. Suddenly, Ron felt self-aware again. The room grew silent, and everybody was waiting for the hat to decide. What would it be? Ravenclaw? For the wit, for the brilliancy of changing the text of the song? Slytherin? For being so cunning? Or Gryffindor? He must have had a lot of courage doing this. There was no discussion about Hufflepuff. He just wasn't fit for it. Ron felt the thoughts of the hat, and looked at Harry. He looked for support, and love. Harry looked at him. With his fingers crossed. Ron felt a longing to him. The hat wanted to decide, he scrabbled Slytherin off. Ron just wasn't evil enough. And then, he noticed the sparks between Harry and Ron, and he drew in a relieved breath.
"Gryffindor!" And Ron smiled, took off the hat, and hugged it so tightly, he thought he'd never let go.
Every Gryffindor in the hall cheered and applauded loudly. The tall redhead was theirs! He should come in handy some times, like blocking spells from the Slytherins, or getting cats from the top of a closet. Ron had no idea what happened to him. After the hat shouted out Gryffindor he was blinded by happiness, and he couldn't hear a thing because of all the shouting of some students- the Ron inside him was screaming of happiness as well. The hat was screaming as well - to let him go. Ron didn't hear him, he just felt the Hat move and let him go. It fell down on the floor, and McGonagall angrily picked it up.
Ron didn't care, in fact, he didn't even notice. I'm in Gryffindor! I'm in Gryffindor! was all he could think.
He walked towards the Gryffindor table, the hands already reaching towards him, like he just won a athletics-match. He was in bliss, stepped on the front of his robe, and tripped over it. Ron smacked out of the 'bliss-thing' and realized he was falling.
It seemed to him like it happened in slow motion, he saw the floor coming closer and closer, but it took an eternity.
Smack!
That was the sound of a Ronald Billius meeting the floor and ruining his only chance to be cool at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
He heard the shouts turning into gasps, to ohnoez!, to laughter. Ron lay there for a few seconds, then he focused back on the here and now and he quickly got up, his face completely red. The students were still laughing, but then Harry decided to help Ron out and started applauding. Soon more people followed Harry, until almost every one in the Hall were applauding - except a few Slytherins and a greasy-haired sour looking Professor. Ron turned, if possible, even more red and raised his hands slowly above his head, pretending to hold a cup up, cheering and jumping as if he just won something. This continued for a few minutes or so, until the Sorting Hat coughed loudly, letting them know they were wasting time. The hall grew silent, students hanging their hands in shame, and Ron sat down on the bench in front of Harry.
An hour or two later the Sorting was over, and most of the students had silenced their hungry stomach. Ron was still eating. Harry impatiently waited for Ron to finish, but it seemed as he never would, he kept filling his plate. Even Dumbledore was waiting; he wanted to have all students inside their common rooms, in bed, safe and warm. Ron didn't notice. All he did notice was the food, how good it was and how he really wanted everything. He was busy eating a drumstick, enjoying it very much, when all of the sudden it disappeared.
"Hey! I was eating that!" he yelled to no one in particular.
"I think you've had enough, Ron" he heard a voice say from behind him, which scared him. He looked behind, and saw Dumbledore standing. Then Ron looked around, and saw that there was no one there anymore, just him and the Head Master. "Where's everyone gone to?" he asked.
Dumbledore smiled. "They're already asleep, young sir, and so should you be". Ron stood up, regretting he didn't eat faster. "Where-" he started, but was interrupted by Dumbledore.
"Your common room is not far from here, follow the staircase and you shall find it. Look for the Fat Lady, the password is Werewolftooth. Good night." and with that, Dumbledore had disappeared, leaving Ron alone in the dark Hall.