Chapter 3 After Graduation

After the graduation ceremony is the after celebration. I quickly find Paul, who is not looking happy until he sees me. But the smile doesn't touch his eyes ,this is not good. I hope we can get past this. I approach him and he takes my hand and rubs circles in it. I go to speak but he stops me "now is not the time or place for this. We will deal with it when we get home until then enjoy your party you have earned it." Kissing my hand and walking to get some wine, I did just that I had fun. We went around and I introduced him to my professor as my boyfriend of 3 years. How else do you explain such a relationship? We stayed for about 2 hours getting my picture taken things like that. Then we politely excused ourselves. We all made pleasant conversation on our way home but he never made eye contact with me. "When we get home I think we need a glass of wine and then we will talk about what this means for us." He said with a sad voice. "Yes master." That's when he makes eye contact with me looking deep in thought. He took a deep breath then he reaches be hide me and removes the collar and hands it to me, then sits back and says nothing.

When we arrive home before we get out of the car Paul turns to me and says, "I am going to take a quick shower then we will have a glass of wine and talk." And Sam opened the door and Paul steps out and walks inside. I sat for a few minutes , ' Just breathe no matter what happens I'll be fine there's no point in getting worked up when you don't know what's going to happen'. So I got out of the car and went up to my room and decided a shower was in order. Taking my time there is no need to rush one way or another the conversation is going to happened. When I was dressed into a pink and purple sundress and made it down stairs to find Paul I knew he would be in the library because that's where we are going to talk. In stand in the too take Paul in all his glory. He's wearing silk pyjamas with his house coat on probably with no shirt. He looked deep in thought drinking a glass of red wine, I almost didn't want to disturb him.

I took the seat next to him and waited. But I knew the reason I waited is because I didn't know what to say. "Bella I love you and I want you to know this is a safe space and I want you to talk me and be honest. The most important component of this type of relationship is trust, do you trust me?" Looking deep into my eyes, "of course I do Paul!", with out hesitation. He smiled "I know what happened last night and I think that we both know this is going to change us. So I think that we should be together as an actual normal couple at least give it a chance." He looked so hopeful but I really wanted to try out the new life. "Could we maybe switch every once and a while?" once I seen he's face fall I knew the answer. "It's really not what I feel conformable doing any more. I really never liked being a sub." Never losing eye contact "I loved it Paul, The way it made me feel was amazing and I would like to experience it again, multiple times actually." I smile remembering everything about it and I start rubbing my legs together to get the friction I need. His face fell I knew it was over I loved Paul but not that way."Paul lets just forget about the contact and I won't become a partner because we both know this isn't going to work out for us at least not right now." I stand up and start pacing around the library. "Also maybe I should move out if this isn't going to work any more I would feel like I am taking advantage of you." He looked like he was in shock the horror. He stood up and grabbed my shoulders to stop me from pacing and to make eye contact with him. "Wait one minute what does the arrangement we have got to do with the partner ship and moving out? Just wait a minute." He pulled me into his body for a tight hug speaking into my hair, "I trust you with all my heart and I believe that no matter how or when the relationship ended I could still count on you I love and trust you implicitly. You have always cared for other you volunteer any chance you get. You go to the park to pick up garbage to make sure it safe for kids to play for Christ sakes." And I look up and see everything he was talking about in the way he looked at me.

I pull back "all that means nothing it doesn't make me feel any less lost or the pain of the past go way all I can do is my share to make this a better place. But last night I felt alive and I want it again but I need you to stand behind me because If I don't have you, I have no one Paul you are it. I feel guilty because of everything you have done for me and once again you do everything you wont even let me pay a bill for fuck sacks." I realize wine isn't going to do it tonight so I moved away from Paul and went to the bar to get the bottle of gray goose and the cranberry juice. I decide to do two shots before pouring my self a double. "I feel helpless the way I depend on you and you want more and I am not willing to give it to you but you give me everything. I feel like I will never make it up to you." Wiping my eyes damn I am crying. He walks over to me taking my drink out of my hand and just cuddled me I don't know how long. "Would you like to sleep in my bed and just cuddle and pretend everything is ok? And then we will work everything out tomorrow." I smiled and nodded I knew that he would stick behind me now no matter what we would get through this together. So he takes my hand and leads me up stairs where he takes off his rob and lies down. I decide to sleep naked so I take off my sundress and climb under the covers and just let him hold me.

I woke up at 7 Paul was still sleeping and had a tight grip on me so I tried to move with out waking him. Went to change in to a gray jogging suit with white running shoes for a run to start the morning in a positive way forty-five minutes later went in to my room and took a shower decide to wear a pair of black dress paints and a white dress shirt, then headed downstairs to get breakfast. Went to the dinning room Paul is already there wearing a Dolce and Gabbana Classic black suit with a white dress shirt sitting at the table reading the newspaper drinking coffee. Sam came out with my tea and our breakfast. "Thank you Sam!" he nodded and walked away. Paul looked like he wanted to get down to business and gestured for me to start eating, "Ok today I make arrangements for some resumes so you can hire an assistant for yourself and I also will spend the next three weeks training you so you knew what your responsibilities in this business are. Then I was thinking the last week we will work on getting you a sub. When you have a sub and are all settled I will be going to Europe to check how everything is going so I am more or less leaving you to run everything here." I nodded but inside I felt a little hurt, "was this the plan all along to leave me here to run things while your away?" he looked deep in thought, "to be honest I was hoping you would come with me but I see that this is not going to happen and looking back I realize that I was hoping this would make you be with me forever." I reached out to take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze and a smile. "I am still your friend Paul and I will be here no matter what." He smiled "I know that. Finish up your food we have alot of work ahead of us."

Over the next 3 weeks we have been busy. Paul is trying to get everything in place before he leaves. He plans on being back in about 6 months unless I really need something. I now have an assistant named Rosalie Hale. She is very charming women that can turn into a Rottweiler at any given moment. She is tall with long wavey blond hair with the most amazing violent eyes. Everyone in the same room takes a self-esteem hit. But I loved her she took all the attention away from me so what's not to love I hate being in the centre of attention. Also she is in a D/s relationship so she is familiar with the life style and is not judgemental. She Dom is named Emmett McCarty I have never had the pleasure of meeting him yet but she is over the moon with him. One of my biggest responsibilities was deciding where to open new store. While also making sure any high profile customers where happy so I had a lot of business meetings and dinner to make sure I had there support and money to back up the plans. Also I had to make time to check to make sure the already existing store were still functioning and that the profit margin is acceptable. Now looking back I don't see how Paul had time for me at all I am out the door by 7 in the morning and then home sometimes by 9 at night, but Paul said that it will slow down soon. Tonight is the night that Paul promised we would talk about getting me a sub because he has to leave in a week. He said he would feel more conformable if he knew who he was leaving me with. So it being about 10 I decide to get us out a bottle of wine and wait in the library I know that I may not be his sub any more but old habits die hard.

Paul POV

After I realized that Bella didn't want to be with me in any capacity unless I was willing to switch I decided to do the next best thing. Help her to find her sub and make sure I am included in contract for the affection I craved from her when I was in town maybe we wouldn't have sex but I want to be able to hold her and kiss her. All I can hope for is that one day she will come back to me and lavish me with the love I have been waiting for.

Over the last three weeks I have been trying to get her ready for my departure. I have watched her over the year but this has been different I have watched her bloom into a charismatic business woman who has men eating out of her hands me only being one of many. When she wasn't working she is at the hospital reading to palliative care. I asked her why she goes when it makes her so upset. That's when she told me something she never mentioned before "When I was 3 I started to get unexplained fevers and infections and bruises, I was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia so I spent the next 3 years in the hospital. There was this girl who would come ever week and read to us and bring gummy bears. And we all looked forward to her visit all week and it gave us hope and the strength for another day even when the chemo had you so down. And I decide that if I ever get better I would be that girl and give the children the hope they need even if it's false hope." And she walked away that's when I got on the phone to make arrangements for a portion of money we made to be donated to that wing of the hospital every year it would be I going ways gift for her.

But tonight is the night I promised we would talk about her getting a sub. I have about 25 resumes of men. I just hope she doesn't fall in love with any one. But what can I do but be supportive. I know that she wouldn't come and get me that she would wait till I am ready. So I look at myself over in the mirror one more time I decided to dress comfortable in a Loro Paina Cashmere turtleneck sweater with 7 for All Mankind Austyn Rebourne Jeans "Come on Paul you can do this you can help make her happy this is what she wants. Stop stalling." I let out a breath and went down stairs to help the love of my life find someone else.