Thank you so much to JacLag for submitting the most epic review ever. You gave me so much to think about! You mentioned that you felt I'd depicted Brittany as useless, and less significant than Santana. I didn't mean for that and I apologise. My main intent for her was to show how she's struggling as they reach the final months of Santana's departure. Also, she doesn't understand Tee the way Santana does because they have a wholly different connection. I hope you see in the upcoming chapters that Britt will develop her own relationship with her daughter once she realises how to. She's just terrified of doing the wrong thing because she's terrified of being rejected by Tee. And lastly, my Quinn in this story is based largely on Skank!Quinn. I think, for me, that was a very honest portrayal of how Quinn feels inside. I hope you like this chapter. It's dedicated to my most dedicated reviewer, AnjyBoBanjy. Enjoy!

It was nearly New Years Eve and I had absolutely no idea what to do with the kids.

I wasn't sure whether they simply assumed we would be going to Times Square like we usually did every year or whether they thought we would be visiting my parents in Ohio because Santana wasn't with us.

I wanted to go to Times Square, I really did. But it wouldn't be the same without Santana. Would it?

She's the one that puts the party songs on whilst we get ready. She's the one that paints all our eyes with glitter before we go out. She's the one that takes the photos and videos the square watching the ball drop.

She's the one that makes New Years Eve altogether.

I had only today to make my mind up. It was so hard making desicions without Santana. You'd think I'd be used to it by now considering we'd been apart seven months.

It never got any easier.

Besides, if Santana was here, there wouldn't be any question on where we'd be going. Times Square was always the answer with her.

But then there was the fact that the troops were allowed to video call on New Year's Eve and I didn't want to go out late to the square because I'd never be able to find my family and if we all stayed at home, the kids would miss out on something they looked forward to every single year. I really had to speak to Santana. I hadn't seen her face for nearly four months.

Well. In real-time. She'd sent a photograph a couple of months ago of her and Lolly at base. But it wasn't the same. It would never be the same.

"Mom, its one thirty." Will reminded, as he came and sat with me by the kitchen island.

"Oh, thanks honey."

I got up slowly and retrieved my bag from the side counter. I blinked several times to rid my hazy mood and turned around to smile at my son.

"You can go out, you know?" I told him, cocking my head affectionately.

He shrugged. "Someone's gotta look after Ells."

"Renata's here."

"I know." He replied, looking down at the table briefly before looking up. "But she hates it. Because Ellie will come out with some random Spanish or some saying that Mama's always saying and she completely turns into herself. Like, she can't handle it and so she has to revert and cut herself off."

I sighed, knowing this was going to be brought up eventually. I closed my eyes and pulled in my bottom lip. I hated my son seeing me so clueless.

"I don't know what to do." I admitted, my eyes remaining closed.

I heard my son's bar stool scrape back on the floor and felt his embrace as I coiled into myself. Much like Renata does.

"Mom, it's nothing you can fix."

"Don't say that," I whined. "That's like you're saying she'll never be happy again."

Will shook his head. "No, what I'm saying is stop trying to fix everyone. Just focus on yourself for once. Renata will come round when Mama's home. It's just the way she's gonna be and it's just the way she copes."

"She's my daughter, Will." I protested. "I can't just ignore that. I can't just watch her be unhappy and not do anything at all to try and change that."

"I know, Mom." Will said, pulling away and looking slightly embarrassed that he'd just hugged me. "But remember that you can only help someone who wants to be helped."

I frowned at my son, not understanding what he meant. "Will, I've never met anyone who was lost but didn't want to be found."

"Yes," He said, looking at me with eyes so like Santana's. "But it's who they want to be found by. That's what you need to understand."

I nodded, realising that I needed to stop trying to help Renata and let her help herself. The only person she really wanted to save her was her Mama. And I had to understand that.

"Look after yourselves." I said, kissing his cheek and heading towards the door.

"Mom, you're only going for lunch."

I laughed lightly, opening the door.

"Still," I said, smirking, "I hate being away from the three of you. Even if it's just for one minute."

"Mom!" Will said, walking after me. "Just go, already!"

I giggled at him, closing the door, giving him one last smile before I left the apartment.

Lunch it was.

...

I had to brace myself for Rachel Berry as I walked through the doors of Plascott's. I still was not used to the sad, mopey version of the girl. I don't think I would ever get used to it.

Quinn kinda liked it.

"Hey, there she is!" I heard the blonde's familiar voice echo through the cafe.

I smiled at her, taking a seat at the table she had got.

"I ordered you a latte, is that okay?" Quinn asked.

"Perfect, thanks."

"Rachel's not here yet." Quinn informed, even though I could already see. I eyed her suspiciously and smirked. "What?"
"What is your sudden interest with Rachel Berry?" I questioned, stifling a giggle.

Quinn looked a little flushed. "I can spot an attractive woman just as much as you can."

"Oh really?" I teased, removing my scarf. "So Rachel looks totally hotter now that she's forty and has more wrinkles on her face than the last time you ever saw her?"

Quinn blushed. "Let's just say, I've grown up. We've grown up."

"Sure," I said, winking at my friend. "You've grown up so much that you had to flirt like a seventeen year old boy on testosterone drugs when you saw Rachel."

"Oh, would you cut it out?" Quinn finally gave in, flicking my hand that was placed on the table. "I find Rachel Berry hot, just get over it."

That was the moment Rachel Berry chose to walk through the door.

"I'm flattered, Quinn, really but don't you think that'd be a little inconsiderate on poor Noah?"

The silence surrounded us so quickly it was like it had been waiting to pounce on us. One moment of happiness and BAM!

Fuck this life and fuck everyone in it.

"Puck and I are no longer together." Quinn gently corrected. I smiled at her sympathetically from across the table as Rachel stood awkwardly beside me, one arm out of her coat sleeve, the other still stuck in it. "I'm divorced."

Rachel nodded slowly, putting on a tight smile. She managed to remove her coat and sit down. She looked up at Quinn.

"So am I."

Quinn's eyes bogged out, her eyebrows rising playfully.

What was up with her?

"I guess that makes two of us."

Rachel smiled just as the coffee came. The usual kid, Stephanie, placed them on the table and ordered our food. When she was gone, Rachel looked up at Quinn.

"Who ordered me a honey and camomile tea?"

Quinn looked like she'd just been sent to the principal's office.

"Me."

Rachel's expression didn't change. She just took a sip and bent her head down.

"Was that the wrong order?" Quinn asked quietly. "I can change it if you'd like."

She got up to go but Rachel held her arm and brought her back down.

"No." The brunette said, looking the blonde in the eye. "I love it. It's just I haven't had it in ages and I'd forgotten how marvellous it tasted."

Quinn was so pleased with herself she forgot where her seat was and nearly fell on the floor. I giggled under my breath. This was too amusing.

"So, Rachel, have you mastered the dance number yet?" I asked, so Quinn could settle back down.

Rachel blushed. "I'm working on it. It's a lot harder than I expected but a star never gives up."

I cocked my head to the side, smiling at Rachel's words. After last night, they brought me nothing but comfort. I smiled appreciatively at her. She smiled back.

I think Quinn finally found her feet again because she said, "I'm sorry about earlier, Rachel. But I meant what I said."

Rachel looked at her, feigning confusion. "Well, it is December you know, I have to wear this many layers so that I don't freeze." She mumbled quickly. "That's why I look so hot and flushed."

Quinn smirked, amused. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the strangest inkling that you would in fact be hotter without all the layers."

Rachel blushed again. "Quinn, we are forty now."

"I know," She replied, frowning. "Doesn't that sound old?"

I hummed in agreement, sipping my latte.

"I mean," Quinn continued, licking her lips. I noticed Rachel's eyes hovering over them at that point. "We've all been through so much but it still feels like it was only yesterday that Berry was getting slushies in her face and you and San were throwing me in the air at cheer camp."

I smiled at Quinn's reminiscing.

"And it only feels like yesterday when we were here, in New York, waiting with our backs to the audience whilst Berry placed tonsil hockey with the T-Rex, on the freaking stage." Quinn chuckled, shaking her head.

I half expected Rachel to get irritated by the mention of Finn but she actually giggled. Like, properly giggled. Her face nearly went purple and everything.

Quinn looked incredibly chuffed. Again.

"It wasn't funny, Quinn." Rachel said, even though she was laughing. "I never meant for that to happen."

"So you carried on kissing," Quinn chuckled, "Even though you didn't mean for it to happen."

Rachel slapped Quinn's arm. "I got all caught up,"

"You can say that again!"

"In my defence, it would have looked even worse if I'd pushed Finn away, so..." Rachel trailed off, smiling to herself.

I liked watching these two. It gave me something to giggle at.

"Did he accept the divorce?" Quinn suddenly asked, her tone serious.

Rachel looked up, astounded at how Quinn knew. She looked at me but I just shook my head. I hadn't had time to tell the blonde it was Finn who Rachel divorced.

"He asked for it." Rachel answered, taking another sip of her tea.

Quinn smiled knowingly. "Same."

They stared at each other for quite a while; I felt I was almost intruding just by being in the same room. I looked away, just to make myself feel a little better.

"How are the kids, Brittany?" Rachel asked, turning to look at me.

I smiled to myself. "Amazing."

"I literally cannot get over your daughter." The brunette said, shaking her head.

"Which one?"

"The oldest."

"Oh," I smiled, thinking of Renata. "Why?"

"She's the spitting image of Santana, Brittany!" Rachel squealed excitedly.

I nodded. "I know."

"If I hadn't known any better, I would say it was her. She's just a lot skinnier." Rachel commented, leaning back.

Quinn smiled at me. "You have a very beautiful family, Britt."

"Thank you."

"You and Santana must be very proud."

"More than you can ever imagine." I said, grinning like an idiot even though I felt a bit like a failure. "But it's all Santana's doing. The looks and the personalities."

Quinn and Rachel both frowned at me.

"No," Rachel said.

"That's not true, Britt." Quinn disagreed, folding her arms across her chest defiantly. "Your children have been without Santana for nearly eight months. They've had this all their life, Britt. You don't think that they could be far worse off than they are if not for you?"

I thought about it. And however much I wanted to accept Quinn's words, I couldn't shake the image of Renata sleeping, or Ellie hugging me or Will cooking in silence. The way the three of them coped when they were sad. They should never be sad.

"Look, Brittany, I know it's hard." Rachel piped in, looking at me empathetically. "But at least your children still need you. If they didn't, they would have made it entirely obvious a long time ago."

I cocked my head thoughtfully, again. And then I bit my lip. "Maybe."

I thought about telling them everything.

Then I stopped myself, because why? Why would they want to know about how I was feeling or how I thought I was a failure – a mother who couldn't even look after her children properly?

But then I saw the looks they were both giving me. Full of compassion and trust. Why?

I jumped right in. I just did it.

"It's so hard." I started, pinching my lips together. I shook my head to rid the tears because enough already. I'd shed far too many by now. "I just really need Santana home, you know? Like, I'm absolutely terrified of doing the wrong thing, making the wrong step, going in the wrong direction. Telling Ellie to do one thing but meaning another. Asking Will to cook something for dinner when I should be asking him to go out and see his mates. Waking Renata up when actually, all she wants to do is sleep until her Mama comes home." I closed my eyes. I had to stop because I came out today to forget for a little while. "But we've got one month left and we'll get through it. Everything will be better when San's home."

They were both silent for a while, taking in everything I'd told them.

"A parent can never do the wrong thing." Rachel said, reaching out to touch my hand. Quinn did the same. I think she did it so hers could be touching Rachel's but I let it slip. I wasn't in the mood to giggle about it. "As long as you do what your first instinct tells you, then you can't go wrong."

I looked at her in confusion because, well, she didn't exactly have a trophy example of a good mother-daughter relationship.

She sensed my doubt. "Look, I know Kirsty and I never speak. But when we did, it was lovely. It was perfect. And now? Just because she doesn't want to talk to me doesn't mean I'm doing the wrong thing. My instinct is telling me to let her be so she can decide herself when she's an adult. She didn't leave me because I'm a bad parent. I know that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because when you're a mother, you can just feel it." She whispered fiercely.

I thought about her words and looked at Quinn. She seemed to be thinking of the words too.

And just as if God were looking down on us, listening to us talking about our problem kids, he decided to introduce one of them to the scene, and I could almost hear him smirking.

"Mom, where the frick have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere!"

The voice was way too obvious to be ignored. Quinn turned in her seat to where her daughter was walking towards her.

"Kelly, I told you I was going out to meet my friends for lunch. Anyway, you were asleep."

"Yeah and I just woke up and there's no damn cereal in the house!" Kelly reached us and slammed her bag on the table, making it shake and clatter.

What the hell did she have in there?

"And why is that my-"

"Oh, I live just next door," Rachel interrupted, looking at Kelly as if she was the most normal of kids she'd ever seen. "I have some cereal, would you like me to pop in and get some for you?"

Kelly looked so surprised, she was rendered speechless. "Um..."

"No, thank you, Rachel," Quinn answered for her, "She can have what's left in the house."

Kelly's anger immediately returned and she glared at her mom. "There isn't anything left in the fucking house!"

I thought Rachel was going to take a step back because Kelly just cursed but she did the exact opposite.

"Seriously, Quinn, it's no hassle. Your daughter wants cereal, I can understand. There's nothing better in the morning than a huge mug of steaming hot tea and a deep bowl of lucky charms and milk."

"You have lucky charms?" Kelly asked, looking a little like Bambi.

"Of course, they're the best thing ever!" Rachel said. It was probably the loudest thing I'd heard her say since seeing her again. She stood up and put her hand on Kelly's arm. "Follow me; we'll be back in a minute."

Kelly hesitated, looking slightly scared. "No, really, it's okay. I just...I..." She looked at Quinn and looked down at the floor. "I'll just have what's left in the house, its fine, honestly. Mom wont-"

"Mom won't what, Kelly?"

The younger Quinn looked frustrated and slammed her fist into the table. "Fuck this,"

"Kelly!"

But the teenager was already walking out the cafe.

Rachel turned to Quinn, eyed her angrily and ran after Kelly.

What the hell?

We both watched them run out the door, wondering what would happen.

"Quinn," I said, turning back to my friend. "She always seems to find you. Almost like she hates waking up alone."

"Maybe she does."

"Well, don't let her." I said, frowning. "I know she gets angry with you but you get angry with her, too."

"Britt, I'm going to see what they're doing."

"No, Quinn, leave them be."

The two of them returned in ten minutes. Quinn's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

Kelly was clutching a box of lucky charms and Rachel was looking much like Quinn had earlier – pleased with herself.

"Where did you go?" Quinn asked, fire crawling through her eyes. I nudged her.

"I gave Kelly my box of lucky charms because apparently you don't buy them which I think is an absolute crime in itself and every household should have a box of lucky charms." Rachel answered for her.

I smiled slightly at Kelly. She just stared at me.

"Okay, well Kelly, can I meet you back home?" Quinn asked.

Rachel sat down, pulling Kelly in next to her. "I thought she could eat with us."

I think Quinn and I both looked surprised then. Before the blonde could argue, I nudged her again and smiled at Rachel and Kelly. Quinn coughed.

"Quinn, you should have told me Kelly liked to sing." Rachel chastised, smiling at the teenager next to her.

"Really?" Quinn questioned, looking at her daughter. "You like to sing?"

Kelly glared at her. "You'd know if you were ever at home."

Quinn frowned. "Well, you're never awake to even know if I'm home or not."

I watched as Kelly's face crumpled a little. "Why do you always assume I'm asleep?"

"Because you-"

"I can imagine Kelly to have quite the booming voice of a young Mariah Carey or Celine Dion or maybe even Christina Aguilera." Rachel interrupted again. I couldn't tell if it was purposeful or accidental. "I've offered to give her singing lessons, if she's interested. You know what my favourite song to sing at your age was?"

Kelly smiled shyly at her before nodding her head.

"Firework."

Kelly's face shone a little before collapsing into a darkness. "My nickname is Firework."

Rachel's face lightened up.

"Well," Kelly corrected, "It's actually Spark but it stems from Firework. My dad used to call it me when I was younger but seeing as the prick isn't around anymore, I haven't been called it in a while."

I saw Quinn's face darken with sadness.

"Gosh, I wish I had a nickname that remotely resembled my talent." She pointed at me and Quinn. "Not like these two calling me Shortie or Dwarf." Rachel laughed as Kelly's face turned amused. "Or like Santana calling me Man-Hands."

I laughed out loud then, taking Quinn's hand in my own and squeezing it.

"They called you that?" Kelly asked, looking only at Rachel.

"Your mom was a massive bitch."

Kelly turned to Quinn and eyed her. "I can see that."

"Kelly!" Quinn scolded. "That's-"

"Oh cut it out, mom, it's the freaking truth."

I squeezed Quinn's hand to calm her down again.

"Maybe you could get your own back, if not for you then for me." Rachel suggested, smirking at Kelly. "I don't know, nickname your mom Queerio or something like that for me."

"Queerio?"

Your mom was a cheerleader and today, it seems she's being extra gay." Rachel bit her lip at Quinn. The older blonde smiled playfully.

"Alright, deal." Kelly said, smiling. "As long as I also get to call her Teen Bitch every now and then."

Rachel seemed to think about it for a while, pausing when the food came and turning back to Kelly. "I can live with that."

Kelly laughed and Quinn beamed.

The older blonde turned to whisper in my ear, "I haven't heard my daughter laugh like that in ages. Thank fuck for Rachel Berry."

We both laughed at the irony of her words.

We ate in general chatter, Quinn and I listening to Kelly and Rachel discuss the likes of Barbra and Patti Lupone. The younger girl would sometimes glare at her mom or glare at the table but when Rachel had her hooked on a certain star, she was gone and away from the pressure of her mom.

Maybe that's how Renata felt about me. Maybe I pressured my daughter too much like Quinn perhaps pressured Kelly too much.

I took a mouthful as my phone rang. Chewing quickly, I gulped it down as I pressed the green button on my cell.

"He-"

"Mom," Rushed Will's voice – breathless and panicky. I immediately froze, frowning slightly to myself. "Its Renata – she's fainted." I heard him take a quick sharp breath and carry on. "She came into the kitchen whilst me and Ells were making you biscuits and she just collapsed and hit her head on the island. I don't know what to do, mom, she's not moving or waking up and I've called an ambulance but I need you here. Ellie's freaking out and there's flour all over the floor and I can't find Mama's base number."

"Okay, Will, honey, stay there, don't even think about moving her just make sure she can breathe, wait for the ambulance and I'll be home as quick as I can, I promise."

I ended the call, got up and rummaged in my purse to retrieve some money for lunch.

"The fuck, Britt, don't worry about paying, if you need to get out of here, go now, quick." Quinn urged, pushing me out of the booth. I frowned at her.

"It's not Santana," I said, fumbling for my scarf. "It's Renata."

"Go, Brittany, we'll take care of lunch." Rachel pushed.

I grabbed everything else and headed to the door.

The last thing I saw was Kelly's scared face as I sprinted out the cafe and back home.

Sorry to leave it on a cliff hanger! Please review this chapter and tell me what you'd like to see happen and what you think is going to happen. I'm desperate for your feedback because I don't want to disappoint you all. Many thanks, kids. Poppy x