Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

EDWARD POV

My eyes followed Brown Eyes retreating form as she huffed upstairs after her little free-falling display. The realisation that Brown Eyes was said roommate was both sweet and sour. While it gave me an opportunity to hopefully resurrect her current opinion of me, it also meant that I wasn't getting laid tonight. Which fucked up my original plans that had been made in consolation with Horny Edward, and included the likes of hardcore flirting, heavy petting, and casual sex in hot roommates bedroom.

I internally cursed as I realised that I was going to be spending a night with a girl who desperately wanted nothing to do with me- something she had made clear on possibly every encounter we had shared so far. How could I possibly stop thinking about her when she was the only female that I was regularly encountering?

Fuck my life.

A small, petite girl appeared at the door, with inky black hair and a yellow dress. She threw her arms around Jasper before turning in my direction, and throwing her arms around me.

"Edward! I'm so glad you could make it. Jasper has told me so much about you! Come in."

I immediately warmed to her enthusiasm and charisma, and gave Jasper a quick nod of approval. "I'm guessing you're Alice?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. How silly of me not to introduce myself." She chuckled, before stepping under the threshold of the house and gliding through the front door.

I followed Jasper inside the small terrace, past a sunken lounge room on the left into a cosy dining room with a large oak table and wooden cabinets. It looked like the sort of place that Snow White would have cooked in when she lived with the Seven Dwarves. The room smelled of the heavenly lasagne which I had spotted in the oven, and a freshly thrown salad was sitting upon the bench while Alice made up a cheese platter.

To the right, a TV was entertaining an empty couch and a coffee table was covered in what appeared to be chemistry textbooks. The front of the room was filled with windows and piles of books piled in knee-high stacks around the room.

I slid next to Jasper into a bench stool, across from where Alice was preparing a cheese platter.

"This place is incredible." I said.

"Thank you!" Alice beamed. "We moved in after our second year of college. It's not too far from campus which makes it really great."

"It has a lot of character."

"Alice is studying event management," Jasper explained. "She's big on design and decoration."

Alice smiled across from where I sat, and continued preparing the cheese platter, and playfully smacked Jaspers hand as he tried to steal a cracker.

"You've done a great job." I said, impressed. "The house has a homey vibe."

"Edwina, try and sound a little less gay." Jasper stirred, as he ate some cheese out of Alice's palm.

"Jasper, try and be a little less of a female." I retorted.

Jazz had the gal to smirk in my direction, before eating some more cheese from Alice's hand.

God, he was already whipped.

"So how did you both meet?" I probed.

"Oh!" Alice clapped her hands, delightedly. "It was lovely! In fact, I was managing an art festival in the city, which involved painting classes for the public. One of which Jasper had volunteered for."

"Oh, really? Jasper taught an art class?" I asked, quizzically, noticing that Jasper had turned a faint shade of green.

"Oh no," Alice beamed. "He modelled for them."

I turned my head to look at my friend with a gaze of disbelief, before letting out the largest inappropriately timed guffaw of my entire life. Emmett was going to birth a small child when he heard about this. Alice looked a little smug, as if she had orchestrated the entire conversation to unveil this secret, while Jasper looked like he was considering skydiving without a parachute.

"You modelled?"

Jasper sat in silence and picked at another cracker.

"In fact, I believe at one point you modelled naked? Right, Jasper?" He glared at her as she sidled up behind him. "Don't worry honey," she whispered in his ear, "That naked modelling had me hooked at first glance." Alice smacked a wet kiss on Jaspers left cheek before returning to the salad.

"So what about you, Edward?" She continued. "How long have you and Jasper known each other?"

"We met in high school." I supplied. "In school band, actually. Although, now I wish I'd taken art class just so I could've realised Jasper's love for nudity and drawing earlier on."

He slapped me on the shoulder.

"Oh Jasper! May I paint you sometime?" I requested gaily. "Pretty please?"

He snorted. "You'd like to see me naked, wouldn't you Edward."

"Seems like I'm the only one who hasn't."

"Fuck you."

I laughed, before turning back to Alice. "So, how many roommates do you live with?" I questioned.

Alice clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I haven't even introduced you to them yet. I'll just go upstairs and get them." She bustled away towards the staircase and flitted upwards.

I watched after her, before turning to Jasper and once again losing myself to an uncontrollable fit of giggles. "I don't know if I will ever be able to take you seriously again, dude."

"It's an art form!" He defended.

"I'm not mocking the art form, I'm only mocking you." I explained.

He rolled his eyes, before sliding off his stool in an attempt to end the conversation. I followed as he made his way to the stairs where Alice had previously retreated, feeling as though the night had taken a significantly more interesting turn than previously expected.

As we climbed the Snow White staircase, I internally chastised the hope I got by the thought that I was perhaps about to witness Brown Eyes very own bedroom.

And bed.

And Brown Eyes.

Hot Brown Eyes.

Hot sex.

And.

Fuck.

It was going to be a long fucking night.

BELLA POV

I found myself having a very distinct sense of déjà vu as I stood in the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.

The shirt was ruined.

Brown dirt and grass stains sat across the stomach, while splotchy splatters of some plant coated my side.

This was the second t-shirt I'd destroyed in the same amount of days.

In front of the same people.

Who decides to stalk people who are coming into your own home?

There was clearly something wrong with me.

I debated whether or not it was even worth making the effort to go downstairs and reintroduce myself and try and regain any dignity I may have left. Which was very little.

I ripped the shirt off and threw it in the bin, scavenging for another appropriate one of the bedroom floor. My old Beatles shirt looked fairly clean, so I figured I'd made a good enough effort.

I walked across the hall and onto the balcony where the fateful incident had occurred, to find that Rose was also in hiding.

"Hiding from males?" I inquired.

"Fuck you." She responded.

I chuckled to myself. The bruise across her forehead had turned purple and looked like she was the birth product of Willy Wonka. With that on my head, I wouldn't want to be seen by any prospective males either.

I settled down next to her.

"You look fine." I lied. "One of us has to go down there and entertain KKN1 while Alice and Jasper reproduce."

Rose glanced up from her magazine and glowered. "And you can't be that entertainer because…?"

"Because I just fell off the balcony in an attempt to view said guests," I reminded her.

She snorted. "Look, Bella. I don't care how humiliated you are, you do not have a turnip growing out of the side of your face. I am not in the mood to entertain."

"Which is ironic, considering your turnip is most entertaining." I smiled sweetly.

She wacked me with her magazine.

I grabbed the newspaper to return the favour, but as it pirouetted towards Rose's face, it was caught mid-air, suspended by a little arm and a threatening face underneath it.

"You two. Downstairs. Now." Pixie thundered.

"Alice. I just ate the front lawn in front of those two. I don't particularly want to have to go down there and have a civilised meal with them." I complained.

She glared at me.

Ok. New avenue.

"I have a paper due tonight?"

"I know you don't, Bella."

"My Grandma's dying."

"She called this afternoon to tell you she found an ugly painting of a horse you did when you were three."

"What would possess her to think I'd be interested in that piece of news?"

"I have no idea, but she was definitely alive and well three hours ago."

"I have chronic diarrhoea?"

There was a deathly silence, followed by a smirk as I looked up to see Jasper and KKN1 standing in the doorway processing this new piece of news.

KKN1 gave me a toothy smile. "Thanks for the heads up."

Rose snorted.

My life was a living nightmare.

"No… I ah… nevermind." I glared at the ground, hoping that maybe the earth would swallow me whole.

"Now that we've got that sorted, let's reconvene in the dining room." Alice smiled, looking quite pleased with the outcome.

I held back as the two newly horrified males made their way down the stairs.

I reached the kitchen last, prolonging the inevitable small talk. I decided to remain quiet, not entirely sure how to address the fact that my apparent diarrhoea was a lie, and apologise for the fact that I had fallen on them and eaten half the garden as a welcoming gesture.

KKN1 slid into the stool next to me and extended his hand.

I rolled my eyes. Small talk with diarrhoea girl. Faaaaaaantastic.

"Nice to see you again, Bella."

I internally scoffed. I'm sure he was, considering he now had witnessed enough embarrassing moments to blackmail me into eternity.

His hand remained outstretched, so I had little choice but to take it and pretend I was enjoying the kind gesture. I shook his hand, grumbling something semi-polite about it being nice to see him too.

Biggest lie of my entire life.

"So how've you been?" He tried again.

I was about to cut him off before I glanced up at Alice and got pinned with a withering glare that could annihilate large camels.

I turned back towards KKN1 and shrugged. "Good, I guess. You?"

"Yeah, good. Just keeping busy with college assessments and the like."

I decided to humour him. "What are you studying?"

"I'm a junior med student."

Of course he was. Because the world wasn't fair and awarded him the gifts of both brains and the body of a greek god.

"And yourself?" He continued.

"Biochem."

He looked surprised, and then had the decency to look genuinely interested. "That sounds awesome."

Before he could make another awkward attempt of light-heartened conversation, I stood up and made my way over to the lounge room and flopped down on the couch. Rose was already there, flipping through music channels and watching with interest as Enrique was caught in a moral dilemma over which girl he would take home for the night.

Poor Enrique.

"I don't know why you're so opposed to being hospitable." Rose mused. "They both look fairly fuckable."

"That's not always the point, Rose." I grimaced. She desperately needed to stop being so desperate. "The fact is that Keen Kid Number 1 is not only keen in class, but he was dry humping a girl before he spilt coffee across my chest, then he tried to fondle me, and then he tried to hit on me. I don't have time for guys who are so…"

"Into you?" She smirked.

"He's definitely not into me." I growled.

She raised an eyebrow.

"If he was into me, he wouldn't be fucking fish girl on the side." I mumbled.

Rose raised another questioning eyebrow, but turned her attention back to the TV where Enrique had decided it was most reasonable to keep both of the women.

"Just be polite." She advised. "For Alice's sake. And mine. I don't want to sit through another screeching of hers because you couldn't be a good host."

I shrugged back into the couch and rumpled my mess of hair. I wasn't trying to be difficult or rude, in fact, I'm sure that KKN1 was probably a lovely guy. But his flippant approach to women pissed me off, and I couldn't just shake that off. KKN1 had lost my respect the minute he had tried to hit on me while also fucking another girl.

I looked up to see that KKN1 had entered the room and was running his hands through his I-wake-up-like-this…just-kidding-i-spend-hours-on-this-look-every-morning hair, glancing round with increasing awkwardness.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I don't mean to intrude, Isabella, but Jazz and your friend just sort of, undressed each other in the pantry. I think they forgot I was there."

Aaaaand I can only imagine what he thought of our household now.

I sighed. "Excuse me for a second."

I stomped into the kitchen, shielded my eyes, and knocked on the pantry doors.

I heard a shriek, followed by a groan (I'm not sure what was worse), a string of expleratives and the shuffling of naked bodies.

"May I see you for a minute Alice?"

I swear I heard her growl. 'Must it be right now, Bella?" She inquired.

"Yes. I will see you upstairs in no less than 30 seconds."

I trotted up the stairs and waited for her in my room. 29 seconds later, and a tousled-haired, clearly aggravated Alice was standing by my bed with her hands on her hips.

"What", she snarled, "… was so important that you couldn't wait a few more minutes?"

"Alice." I sighed, and rounded on her. "I am here because you forced me to be here. Right now, a certain guest is very uncomfortable in our home because you basically undressed yourself and his best friend in front of him, and I am in no mood to entertain your guests when you're busy getting naked in the kitchen closet. If you wanted to have sex, you didn't have to ask him round for dinner as well. Suck it up, and wait til later."

"God, you're a prude Bella." She mumbled.

It was a low blow, even for her. She knew of my recent dry spell, and also knew my current distaste for her behaviour had nothing to do with it.

"Bella…I'm…"

"Fuck you."

I grabbed my book, and stomped down the stairs and through the front door. There was no way I was going to play nice with her tea party when she wasn't even going to appreciate the fact. I strode down the street and crunched a few autumn leaves that had made their way onto the footpath. Secretly, I was proud of myself. My usual doormat characteristics had finally taken a stand. I stumbled in to a coffee house that still happened to be open, and ordered a strong black. I opened my book and sat back in the chair; getting comfortable.

"Today is going to be a better day." I thought to myself, sarcastically repeating the mantra of this morning.

Fuck today.

EDWARD POV

I watched as Isabella stormed through the front door with a fury only matched by the wrath of God himself, and returned to my previous spot on the arm of the lounge, where I was perched awkwardly while Rosalie and I watched Jerry Springer. Rosalie had made a few attempts at casual conversation, but it was clear that the blue egg on her head had made her in no mood to talk. In fact, it appeared she wanted to crawl upstairs and never be seen again.

Despite the original naked-painting revelations that had been uncovered earlier, tonight was turning distinctly pear shaped. Jasper had leaped into action and trotted upstairs as Isabella had whipped through the house, and the fact that neither he nor Alice had reappeared suggested that they were having some more naked revelations of their own in the bedroom.

And by the smell of it, the Lasagne was burning.

Tonight was going splendidly.

I stood to get myself another cheese cracker, before taking it upon myself to turn off the oven, since it didn't appear that Alice or Jasper would be returning anytime soon, and I wasn't exactly sure if Rosalie even knew how to operate in a kitchen. I grabbed my wallet off the counter and decided it was best if I just left. I wasn't particularly in the mood to third wheel, or wait around until Jasper had completed his adventures upstairs.

I turned to Rose. 'Hey, could you maybe let Jazz know I've gone home? And thank Alice for having me? It's just, it's getting sort of awkward and….' I trailed off.

She smirked. 'Don't worry Edward, I get it. I don't exactly want to be here while they're having sex around the house, either. I'll let them know.'

'Thanks.' I gathered my coat and my wallet from the kitchen bench before heading towards the front door. Rose smiled and went back to watching Jerry Springer.

I let myself out and started down the sidewalk in the general direction of the Froggy Bottom Pub. I tucked my hands inside my pockets and crunched on some of the leaves that had fallen from the trees. It was cold, I was hungry and all I wanted was some of the home baked Lasagne that I had left behind and a double-shot espresso.

Tonight had been a complete failure on all accounts. Isabella hated me, and Alice and Jasper had forgotten about me. Had I lost my touch, or was it all just a case of bad timing? My self esteem grew increasingly pathetic as I rounded the corner and hailed a taxi. As I slid into the back seat, I couldn't figure out why Brown Eyes was still on my mind. Why did I want her so badly? Her smell, her house; everything about her was beautiful, and innocent.

And very clearly off limits.

The cab rounded onto my street and I hopped out and paid the driver, before pushing open the pub doors. The chimes sung happily and the smell greeted me like an old, compassionate friend. Emmett stood behind the counter pouring beers for two good looking, leggy blondes, and smiled at me as I made my way behind the bar.

"Evette! What's happening?" He punched me in the shoulder before giving me a beer. "Do tell me that Jazz's wife's lasagne was worth the third wheeling."

"Not even nearly. In fact, he's still there."

"Hopefully naked."

"I can guarantee it." I laughed.

"That's my boy! Why didn't you stay to get the details?" He quizzed.

"I already interrupted them once in the closet. They forgot I was there."

Emmett bowled over, laughing. "They forgot you? God, those two must be ridiculously horny."

"You have no idea" I sighed.

I left Emmett at the bar while I drifted around picking up dirty glasses, and struck up a casual conversation with one of the blondes. Maybe sweet blondie could give me something other than Brown Eyes to concentrate on.

I skulled the remaining contents of my glass and headed in her direction.

Time to break the drought.

Sorry for the long wait! I've been overseas for the past month galavanting around the States and didn't have my dearest laptop by my side. Hopefully this chapter will meet your expectations! Love to all those who read.