Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EDWARD POV

Daylight assaulted my eyes as I slid them open to glance at the clock.

11am.

Fuck.

My medicine lab was at least an hour through and I'd clearly ignored whatever alarm I'd previously set. Instead, I felt like I'd been hit in the face with a brick, smelt like bourbon, and was naked: either a very positive or incredibly worrying indication of how last night had played out.

I took a quick peak over my left shoulder and saw a mass of blonde hair sprawled across the pillow. Her body was strategically placed under the blankets, but I was fairly confident she was naked because I could see a black bra dangling from the headboard.

I tossed up whether or not I was in the mood to be a gentleman, and decided I was definitely feeling shitty enough to sneak out of the apartment without decently saying goodbye or thank you.

I was a terrible, terrible human being.

I silently slid off the mattress, cradling my head as I found what appeared to be a clean shirt and a pair of jeans. I shrugged the jeans on, before slipping out of my front door and into Emmett's apartment.

Unfortunately, Tarzan was propped up on the kitchen counter, avidly reading. I couldn't decide what was more disconcerting: watching Emmet read, or the sneaky grin that had spread its way across his face as I made my way through the door.

"Emilia! You sexy feline! Weren't you a little scoundrel last night?"

I cringed at the deafening noise of his voice.

"Aaaaand what do you have to say for yourself?" He enquired, probing for details.

"It worries me that you seem to find more satisfaction in my conquest that I did." I said, as I slid onto his couch and pulled a cushion over my face.

"That's certainly hard to believe, considering the noises she was making. I mean, Jesus, Eliza, it was a traumatic experience for everyone in the building."

I groaned and rolled over.

"I guess having a vagina has helped you finally figure out what girls like," Emmett chuckled.

"Fuck you."

Emmett snorted and sauntered back into the kitchen where he threw some Tylenol at me. I popped the cap and downed a few with a glass of water, wishing that the room was a little less bright and that Emmett was a lot less noisy.

"Aren't you meant to be at Uni?" Emmett asked as he sat down next to me.

"Aren't you meant to be at work?" I replied.

"Touche."

"Avoiding someone, are we?"

"I wasn't the one who forgot the name of blondie in the middle of sex last night."

I internally smacked myself in the face. It was a very bad sign when Emmett knew more about your night than you did.

"I see you've vacated your apartment" Jasper said, gliding through the door, before perching himself on the edge of the table. "She sure looks like a cutie."

"On the contrary, the sounds she was making could not be described as 'cute'." Emmett informed.

I looked to the roof and prayed for mercy.

"Edward, you cheeky little boy! Do tell the details."

I prayed harder.

"He's suffering from a serious case of Saturday morning regret. Common phrases that may be heard include 'fuck you', 'what even happened last night?', and 'it's just not even ok.'"

God hated me.

"Anyways, Ed', Jasper cut in, 'I'm over here to invite you to a function Alice is holding tomorrow night. I realise that last night didn't give you the best impression of Alice and I, but we'll be in public sooo…"

"… So you'll have to be even sneakier than you were with the cupboard incident?" I supplied.

He had the decency to look ashamed. "Look. I'm sorry we had sex in the pantry. I'm sorry I forgot you were there. I promise to be a good wingman tomorrow night if you choose to accompany me. Not that you seem to need my help, judging by the blonde specimen passed out in your bed."

"I'll accompany you on this mysterious adventure." Emmett stated, standing and saluting as if his acceptance of the invitation was worth presidential honour.

"You weren't invited." Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"I'll see you at eight, sugar." And with that, Emmett had glided back to his previous post and began reading.

I looked up at Jasper. "I'm not making any promises in my current state."

"It starts at eight. I'll pick you up and we can go round together. We can get in for free. And apparently the food is phenomenal. Plus, it's for charity, so it's for a good cause."

I pondered the thought.

"There's an open bar."

"I'm in."

"You were in last night too!" Emmett shouted from his stool at the kitchen bench.

Jasper chuckled. "I'll come pick you up at seven thirty. And do something about Blondie. Was she breathing when you woke up?"

"I didn't check." I muttered.

"You might have killed her. Just think: she would have died in the holy name of fornication. I actually would have been semi-proud of you. Like a father. I'll see you later this afternoon, when you smell less of dirty sex. Have a pleasant day, ."

I groaned and rolled onto the floor. The torture was never-ending.

BELLA POV

I stood behind the shield of the change room door trying to ignore the orders Alice was barking at me. As per usual, I wasn't to be trusted in a boutique alone and Alice had taken it upon herself to find me something she deemed appropriate for the Winter State Charity Dinner she was hosting tonight. The little Pixie had already blown her fuse once today when I'd informed her of my intent to 'find something in my wardrobe' to wear. I'd never seen her pale so quickly, before she lost all dignity by screaming 'OUTFIT REPEATER', and shaking her hands at me as if she'd just laid eyes on Satan himself.

Needless to say, fifteen minutes later I'd been pushed in and out of at least four dresses that Alice had selected.

I slipped up the zipper, hidden in the side of the fifth dress and turned around to face myself. Unlike the others that Alice had chosen, this one was a little less revealing and a little more comfortable. The red colour managed to make my skin look pretty as opposed to deathly white, and the hemline fell just above my knees, meaning I could avoid tripping over my own dress. Which was a likely occurrence.

I slid across the curtain to see if I could gain Alice's approval.

"BEEEELLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She squealed, with what I hoped was delight. "This is it. This is the one you are wearing tonight."

She turned to the boutique owner, giving me no chance to interject, and flicked her card at her. "We'll also take this pair of shoes," she said, pointing to a simple black pair of deathly high wedges sitting neatly on a table.

I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off with a steely glare.

"I know you hate heels, Bella, but I have compromised. This will help with your balance. I don't want to hear any complaints."

I huffed and shut the curtain behind me as I walked back into the change room to undress. "Do I get any say in what I wear tonight?" I inquired.

"Of course you do," Alice responded. "I know you like the dress."

I huffed again to reaffirm my distaste of her being right, and shoved my legs back into my pair of jeans.

"I'm only doing this because I'm a really, really good friend." I emphasised.

Alice had the nerve to laugh. "Please. Don't talk such smack. You're going because you love the food, not to mention free alcohol. Oh, and also because you need to get laid."

I glared from behind the curtain.

Alice sauntered off to the counter to pay whatever obscene amount that the dress had cost, while I was left to try and struggle back into the Rolling Stone's shirt I'd discovered in the washing pile a month ago. It was yet to be claimed, and so I was selflessly housing it in my own wardrobe. I stepped from behind the curtain and tried not to glance at the bag that Alice had added to the purchase. I had no idea where she'd pulled it from, but I certainly didn't want to know how much it cost, either.

We made our way through the front door of the shop and stepped onto the sidewalk. The sun was hot and dry, despite the wisps of wind that continued to sweep through the city. I threw my headphones in and parted ways with Alice, who was driving back to the venue to finalise the finishing touches. I left the dress and heels with her, not particularly wanting to have to carry them home and contemplate how the hell I was actually going to walk tonight.

Rage Against the Machine blasted through my headphones as I turned down a side street and wandered along the pavement. I hoped that tonight would be good. Despite my usual aversion to formal events and my failure at looking respectable at them, I desperately needed to get out of the house. It had been nearly six months since Jacob had slept with my best friend despite our four year relationship, and it was time to move on. The worst part was that despite the humiliation suffered from such a rejection, I couldn't help but feel as though it could have been worse. Jake and I had been rocky for a long time, and I'd been ready to move on. While that didn't make the situation any more agreeable, or any less painful, it was time to move on and leave the heartbreak in the past.

I stepped through the front door of our humble abode, only to be greeted with the screeching sounds of "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS", "UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH" and "FUUUUUUUUCK."

Well, Rose was home.

I turned up my iPod and wandered into the kitchen, casually shielding my eyes in case any of the debauchery had made its way downstairs and onto any nearby benches. I wasn't particularly in the mood to watch any live porn, and managed to successfully feel my way to the pantry without coming across any naked skin.

God, I deserved a medal.

I found an apple and slinked back into the dining room where I found my romance novel and slouched through the front door onto a rocking chair that was sitting on the veranda. There was no way I was re-entering the house until at least one of its current occupants had left the premises. And depending on Rose's demands and said males abilities, that could be anywhere between ten minutes and two hours.

First world problems.

I resigned myself to the rocking chair and pulled upon a dog-eared page from an embarrassingly girly romance novel that I was currently leafing through. God, I really did need to get laid. I rocked the chair slightly and curled my legs underneath me before I lost myself in a romantic tale of two highly sexual lovers. It struck me that I was living a little too vicariously through such books.

Reason number fifty billion as to why I'm single.

I sighed to myself. Sweet Lord, tonight better reap some benefits.

EDWARD POV

I did up the final button on my collared white shirt and shrugged into my suit jacket. As I glanced into the mirror, I knew I should have made more effort with my hair but it was so uncontrollable and ruthlessly unagreeable that I had decided to let it make its own styling decisions for tonight.

Jasper burst through my door decked out in a black suit paired with a bright orange tie. When I raised a questioning eyebrow, he waved me off grumbling something about 'Alice' and 'festive winter cheer'. I chuckled and sought out a pair of socks, while Jasper headed for my liquor cabinet and downed a shot of whiskey.

"Classy, Jazz", I responded with a mouth of toothpaste.

"You too, comrade," he replied.

I finished cleaning my teeth with Jasper whisking me out the front door to his waiting car downstairs like we were a cute married couple off on a date. As I slid into the passenger seat I noticed a bunch of condoms stashed in the open glovebox.

"Confident tonight, are we Jazz?" I snorted.

He forcefully slapped the glovebox shut. "I need to be prepared. Unlike you, you celibate bastard."

"May I remind you of this morning?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Pfft. Good luck picking up any girls tonight with that slinky attitude."

I snorted. "Please. In this suit, I can pick up any female in a ten kilometre radius."

"You are such a cocky slut."

"You're just jealous of how utterly delectable I look in this suit."

"God help me, you actually do have a vagina." Jasper threw the car into reverse, and shrieked as he realised that we had been joined by a third passenger crouching across the backseat.

"Good evening, ladies." Emmett bellowed as he slapped his seatbelt across his waist. "And what a fine evening it is! Let the favour of many easy ladies be with us all."

"I distinctly remember uninviting you." Jasper scowled.

"I distinctly remember Alice giving me an invitation once I mentioned that you're basically in love with me."

"You called Alice?" Jasper choked. "You don't even have her number!"

"Oh honey pie, you underestimate my abilities to get what I want. Alice and I have been good friends since way back."

"He stole her number from your phone." I piped up, earning me a slap across the back of my head.

"In my defence, she would have given it to me anyway once she laid eyes on this delicious body of mine."

Jasper growled. "So how long have you been sitting in the back of my car?"

"I slinked out while you and her royal majesty sitting in the front seat made love to each other upstairs."

"I was putting my shoes on!" I defended.

"And Jasper was putting your footprints on the ceiling. I know how it works, cupcake."

I rolled my eyes and stared out the window as we pulled into the parking lot of one of the older campus buildings that had been decked out in lights. A red carpet was rolled out across the front steps, with a valet waiting to take Jaspers keys.

I stepped onto the carpet and made my way up the stairs; Jasper leading the way as he eagerly scanned for Alice, who he had spotted next to the entrance decked out in a bright orange cocktail dress that matched his pathetic tie. As he swept her up into his arms, I was briefly glad that Emmett had decided to come along, as it didn't appear that Jasper would be wingmaning me at all.

"Getting misty eyes at the sight of such beautiful romance?" Emmet giggled.

As previously stated, I was briefly, fleetingly, minutely glad for his presence.

"You're a dick."

"And you wish you had one."

I shrugged off the attack of my manhood and walked up to Alice who greeted me with a large smile and an eager hug.

"Edward! I'm so glad you could make it!" She muffled into my chest, before turning to Emmett. "And you! You must be Emmett! My god you're the size of a Gorilla."

"And you haven't even seen all of me." Emmett winked.

I died a bit inside.

Alice chuckled and directed us to the foyer where they were handing out glasses of wine and canapés. I downed a glass of wine, along with two more, while Emmett flirted with two brunettes that had thrown themselves into his Gorilla arms.

I chuckled, happy that he was having a good time before heading towards the nearest waiter and downing another two wines like that classy guy I was. Emmett gradually wandered back over towards me, cheekily smiling at the two girls in a way that promised there was more to come later.

"Try not to stare, pumpkin. I know it's difficult and I know you want to know all of my tips, but it will all come in due course."

"Fuck you, Emmett."

"You're not my type, honey pie."

He grinned and grabbed a sandwich from a waiter passing by, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth and swallowing it in what appeared to be a single bite. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be horrified or impressed, and so I picked up another wine and began to sip it a little more elegantly than the previous five.

Emmett turned and grabbed another two sandwiches, before stopping the food in front of his abnormally large mouth.

"Fuuuuuuuck." He uttered under his breath.

I turned to see what he was staring at, and spotted Alice's friend Blondie standing on the stairs nearby, decked out in a navy blue dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and dipped just a little too low at the chest.

I let out a low whistle. "God luck, man. She is out of your league on so many levels."

"Please, she practically threw herself at me that night at the bar," he mused, confidently.

"... When she was intoxicated and wanted another drink. Don't expect to get the same treatment at this sort of event."

He raised an eyebrow and devoured his remaining sandwiches like a caveman. "Challenge accepted," he stated, strolling off in the direction of the Blonde goddess occupying the stairs.

I sank into a nearby ottoman, settling in to enjoy this fine piece of entertainment. My eyes followed Emmett as he causally sauntered up the stairs and turned on a charming grin as he approached the Blonde piece of art that was arranged at the top of the stairs.

Which is about when I lost sight of Emmett and first gained sight of her.

Brown eyes.

Her hair was tied into a loose bun at the back of her head, with soft ringlets falling from the silver clasp holding the bun together and framing her face. Her dress was a dark red, and cut just above the knee to allow me a glimpse of perfectly carved legs.

She was beautiful.

The dress hugged her chest as she breathed and fell away at her hips, drawing my eyes further down the legs to a pair of ridiculously high black heels.

My god I just died and went to heaven.

I still wanted Brown eyes.

And if I had anything to say about it, she was going to be mine by the end of tonight.

Once again, I'm sorry for the abnormally long break inbetween chapters. Real life caught up with me: with Uni exams, lots of travelling, a bunch of inconvienient assessments and a serious case of writers block. Hopefully I'll be able to post a little more frequently now that the festive season is upon us and I'm back home being lonely and generally very single.

My life is so hard.

Reviews and guidance is loved as I'm still new to this and appreciate all ideas.

Love to those who continue to patiently read through my story and smack talk. And despite my dislike of Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry one.

Love, Lily.