Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long in updating it. I wanted to release these two chapters at once, as I was somewhat afraid that people might despise me for leaving it on the note that this one itself does. And they both ended up being a lot longer than previous ones had been, and I've been fairly busy; so yeah, sorry…
Various – Since a lot of people seemed to bring it up. Yeah, I rather agree on Lupin's case. Though, I'm not really sure there's a whole lot he could have done if he wanted. In a certain sense, the Marauders had him "blackmailed", since they knew of his … condition. Not really sure if they'd be that horrible to reveal it if he "turned" on them – probably only if it was in a major way, but it might have occurred in his mind, so… Though I think primarily his motivation was just trying to have friends and not jeopardize that.
And once more, thanks to everyone for following this story. Can't say if following chapters will be anywhere near this long, but we'll see… And yeah, please don't hate me until you've at least read them BOTH. xD (No AN on next chapter for obvious reasons)
September 4th, 1976
The more she thought about it, the more upset Hermione Granger got. The four of them literally saw nothing wrong in deliberately going out of their way to ruin the lives of others, purely for their own amusement. That night she'd been nearly too livid, fuming to sleep. The other girls were all there when she came storming up; she might have even woken up Mary – for that she could only offer a momentary sheepish apology before collapsing onto bed.
The worst bit of it all, Lily had asked her what was wrong. Hermione didn't want to say, didn't want to trouble Lily when she was obviously upset with something probably much worse. So, Hermione had lied, said it was nothing. An obvious, transparent lie, one that Lily obviously saw through but nodded away slightly sadly.
Hermione just fell on her bed, too upset to want to talk to anyone else for now. It was frustrating, just being a "normal" student again, not a prefect. She couldn't just hand out detentions, take away points – though honestly, she wasn't sure how much the four of them would care about either. And with the letter destroyed now, it'd be her word against theirs. Snape's letter might be … who knows where, but she wasn't holding her breath that a Slytherin would come to her defense. She wouldn't be surprised in the least if he claimed that he alone had received the letter or… If he even had it. It'd still be something to work off of though if he did.
Well, she at least knew who was responsible. It might be her word against theirs, but, in consideration, while she might have essentially no reputation one way or another to back her, the Marauders were probably notorious troublemakers. It probably wouldn't be all that difficult to convince Professor McGonagall that she'd been set up by them.
Should she tell Snape though in detention tomorrow? She was almost tempted admittedly. But really, what good would come of that? He'd probably do something equally hideous in turn, maybe even escalate things. At the end of the day, she was still a Gryffindor, he was still a Slytherin. And even if some members of her own House weren't quite as honorable as she would have liked, thought... Well, Slytherins still were much more vile overall. Where did every Dark Wizard she'd ever heard of – Pettigrew aside – hail from? Yeah, the Marauders were a crude, brash group. They certainly crossed many lines she didn't approve of. And, they'd lost a lot of her respect recently as a result. But still, three of the four of them at least grew up to be brave, respectable, honorable adults. And what did most Slytherins become…?
Yeah, she shouldn't do anything stupid she determined. She'd deal with the matter internally, go to McGonagall in the morning, explain what had happened. The Marauders would, hopefully at least, then be punished appropriately for their misdeeds, and that would be that. No escalation of things, no more trouble at least on her end. Well, they might be a bit miffed at her for reporting them, but it was their own just deserts for breaking school rules like that.
Sure she was still furious over what happened, but that didn't justify acting irrationally. At the end of the day, she was still a loyal Gryffindor. And even if she and a Slytherin had been entrapped by the same scheme, briefly shared a common interest in defending themselves, that certainly didn't make them "allies." To think that even for a minute or so she'd considered sending a Slytherin against other members of her House. Get a hold of yourself, Hermione.
Morning came all too soon. She'd slept well enough she supposed. Being Saturday, there were no classes to get up for, but out of habit – having effectively already spent months in class, opposed to everyone else who'd only been there a few days – she'd awakened rather early. The Great Hall was still nearly empty – a few dozen students between all the Houses – as she straggled down, grabbing a light breakfast. She ate rather quickly, ideally not wanting to chance running into the Marauders again if she could at all help it.
That done, she was off to see McGonagall. It was the last place she thought the Marauders were likely to go, and if nothing else, she thought she could at least explain her side of the story to the Head of her House, at least try and salvage her reputation. With a slight degree of trepidation, Hermione made her way to the Transfiguration professor's office, knocking thricely.
It was unfair, really, how the Marauders were attempting to destroy her reputation before she even had a chance to establish herself. In the nineties, McGonagall seemed to think well of her, but there was nothing to guarantee that now.
"Yes?" McGonagall called, opening the door, adjusting the glasses on her eyes as she turned to face Hermione. "Ahh, yes, Miss Granger, was it? What is it that you needed?"
"I…" Hermione faltered for a moment. McGonagall hadn't raised her voice, hadn't done anything particularly hostile; but having her first real interaction with the Head of her House – at least in some senses – involving a matter of detention was certainly… less than ideal. "I came to discuss what happened last night. There's something I think you should know."
"Oh yes, so I've heard." McGonagall replied, again not in all that harsh of a tone, but still enough to make Hermione cringe a bit inside. "You know I don't abide well by students of my House breaking school rules. You're really quite lucky the matter fell to Slughorn's decision. If it weren't for him being so adamant that you were new and thus somehow deserve leniency, I'd have taken some points from Gryffindor over this. Now what is it?"
"I… I wasn't trying to break school rules, ma'am." Hermione started, frowning a bit. "Honestly. I don't know if Professor Slughorn told you the circumstances or not but… We… the two of us who were out…" She still felt awkward putting her name together with his in any context. "We both were chosen by Professor Gyllenkrok as Captains of our Houses' teams for Dueling Club, and we received these letters saying to meet by the Astronomy Tower at midnight. Honestly I found the idea a bit strange but… I'm new here, and don't really know how things work." Normally Hermione would feel terrible lying to a professor – well, she did – it was just, she didn't really want to admit to being fooled by what in hindsight seemed such a stupid ruse. Being seen as a stupid student didn't seem much better than a deliberate rulebreaker. "It turned out though that the letters were fake. And… I know who wrote them."
"I'd suggest then that you take time to familiarize yourself with our school rules." McGonagall responded with a bit of a curt nod. "You're expected to follow them now that you're here. And… as for the letters, Slughorn told me, yes. If it's as you say, I'll look into it and see that those responsible parties receive the appropriate penalty. So who did you say it was?" The professor's voice was still quite calm, but she seemed to have the same commanding presence that she did twenty years in the future.
"James Potter and Sirius Black." Hermione started off, looking down for a second. "And Remus Lupin and well, Peter… Pettigrew." She cringed even saying the last name. "One of them or all of them, or something. They all at least knew. They admitted it to me themselves last night. Some sort of 'prank' or something."
"I see…" McGonagall nodded slowly, and seemed to give no indication as to whether or not she believed Hermione. "Well, you still need to serve detention this evening, but thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I'll speak with the four of them today and… appropriate action will be taken if deemed necessary. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me?"
"No, Professor." Hermione shook her head, suppressing a bit of a sigh. Did her protests make any difference in salvaging her reputation? Damnit, she was really starting to despise their antics…
Well, there, she'd done it. Done the responsible thing. Dealt with the matter internally, peacefully; without involving a Slytherin. She'd preserved the honor of her House and hopefully at least ensured that on some level at least the Marauders would receive some penalty for their actions.
"Hey Snape, you wanna come to Hogsmeade with us tonight?"
Damnit. Were they that insipidly stupidly or deliberately trying to provoke him?
"I can't…" Snape muttered sullenly across the table at Avery, "Detention. Thanks to some bloody idiot setting me up… I told you already…"
"Well, we're sneaking there anyway. Want anything?" Wilkes offered.
"No, I really don't care…" he replied rather bitterly. Just figured that of all the Slytherins in his year, he'd be the one stuck with detention. Sure, Severus probably wasn't a model student in terms of following the rules; he thought most of them were downright unnecessary and idiotic, but he'd only break them when there was actually something to be gained in doing so. And generally he did so intelligently. Rather unlike them on both counts.
"Ok, well, we're off to get ready."
"Have 'fun'…" Snape spat at them. The four seemed almost to scurry away. He almost hoped the four of them ended up doing something stupid, got caught sneaking out of the school or… Fine, he was just being bitter. It wasn't their fault he had detention as soon as dinner was over. No Slytherin would be unintelligent enough to try and cause harm to Severus, particularly with nothing to be gained from such. Not now that he exchanged letters with Malfoy at least…
Who had though…? Normally the Marauders would seem the logical choice. But Hermione too…? That didn't follow. She seemed to fit in quite well with them, causing nothing but trouble for him in the few days he'd ever even known her. Well, of course she did. She was a Gryffindor swine, one working for Dumbledore.
Actually, the more he thought of it in those terms, the more it made sense. She was a spy for Dumbledore. So that was why there were so many "coincidences" of them being together, taking the same classes, her knowing his formulas for potions, being assigned as heads of their respective Houses for Dueling Club together, were 'set up' together the night before. She was a decent enough actress. Almost seemed genuinely surprised. Might have fooled someone of lesser intellect. But then again, she'd almost seemed genuinely upset when she was deliberately reenacting the events of the worst day of his life.
Dumbledore had probably arranged the whole thing. Hermione or someone else working with her must have written the damned note. She didn't have one the night before because she hadn't fallen for any ruse; she was behind it. This detention together was just her latest attempt at spying on him. It was low, despicable, but he'd found her out well enough. Gryffindors really were some of the lowest lifeforms alive… Now just to expose her for the miserable wretch she clearly was…
Snape finished eating relatively quickly. Not that the thought of detention, particularly one served with her was appealing in the slightest; he simply wanted to be there before Hermione arrived. And so after only a moment or so more, he found himself at the door to the potions classroom. Normally he'd feel a certain sense of relief just being there, but, having to deal with detention spent with an agent of one of Dumbledore's dastardly schemes. That was anything but appealing to say the least.
The door, it seemed was locked, however. He must have arrived before Slughorn had. That was fine he guessed. Just as long as he got there before Hermione did, so she wouldn't have any chance to set up… whatever her next scheme might be. Hopefully with Slughorn there, if he could catch her in the act, expose her, that could be the end of it – for both Hermione and Dumbledore. If he could prove it all… That might be difficult, but he'd have to start somewhere.
"Ahh, there you are." A voice came from behind with a pat on his shoulder, breaking Severus's line of thought momentarily. "Eager to begin, are we…?"
"To get it over, sure…" Severus sighed.
"Now, now, don't look so sullen. Shouldn't be that hard. Just helping me clean out some of the cauldrons for class. I'm sure with students as brilliant as you and Miss Granger, the work should be done in no time."
Yeah, it takes a lot of intelligence to clean cauldrons, doesn't it…? Snape thought drily. He was about to reply when suddenly yet another voice interrupted his thoughts. One far less welcome than Slughorn. The girl responsible for all his troubles, at least recently.
"Professor, sorry I'm late! I got caught up on my way over…" Hermione frowned apologetically. The Marauders had hexed her for having reported them to McGonagall at dinner – even as she'd been trying to avoid them all day. It was only thanks to Lily's counter-curse that her tongue wasn't still stuck to the roof of her mouth. Honestly, the nerve of them…
"Oh, it's quite alright. As I was just telling Severus, I just need the two of you to help clean out the cauldrons for class. Don't want any latent reagents leading to problems down the line, now do we?" Slughorn chuckled slightly. "Well, best get to it, shall we?"
Unlocking the door, he let the two of them in. "Easy enough task I'm sure, for the two of you in particular. I'll be behind my desk if you need anything. You're free to go when it's all done."
Hermione nodded quickly and made her way to one of the cauldrons at a table closest to the door. Rather tellingly, Snape made his way to the farthest side of the room from her as possible. Well, fine, she guessed. Just because they'd both been set up by the same scheme didn't mean they were suddenly 'friends'. He still was a Slytherin, she still a Gryffindor. The Marauders' hexing aside, she was really starting to see the wisdom in her early decision to go to McGonagall and leave Snape in the dark. From the looks of things, it wouldn't do her any good in his eyes anyhow, and he and the Marauders already seemed to have an existing relationship of enmity, so it didn't seem it'd do much good there either.
For the moment, Hermione determined just to devote her attention to the task at hand. It was rather tedious work, but the sooner she had it done, the sooner she'd be free with what little of the weekend might remain. To … catch up on her studies or something. She didn't know actually. It wasn't like she had any real close friends here. She'd have thought the Marauders, but … look at how that turned out. Well, maybe in time they'd make peace. It was stupid to keep a grudge like this indefinitely she guessed, but for now, she couldn't stand them. There was Lily, but she seemed to be constantly miserable, even if she made a pretty valiant effort at hiding it; Hermione didn't want to risk doing anything to risk upsetting her more. Well, that left the other Gryffindor girls. Maybe they'd find something to do tonight and tomorrow.
Still though, they were no replace for Harry and Ron. All the times they'd spent together. All their adventures… or misadventures. All the incredibly daft things they'd done that she'd had to help them out of. She'd never realized it so much as now how much her friends meant to her, how much she needed them. And she might never see them again…
It was only after a minute or so that she realized she was just staring down, she'd stopped scrubbing at the cauldron she'd been working at. And Snape too was staring… directly at her. The same sinister, suspicious glint in his eye that so often characterized him as an adult. He really hadn't changed much, had he? Was he always this vile? Maybe it was no wonder he seemed to be so alone, have no friends. Surely no one decent would want to interact with him…
"It's not polite to stare, you know…" Hermione snapped, quickly returning to the task at hand.
"Whatever, Gryffindor…" Snape retorted sharply, saying the latter word with such venom, one would think him to be describing some deadly disease. Seriously, who did she think she was – a Gryffindor wench, friends with the Marauder vermin, and agent of Dumbledore trying to lecture him on matters of courtesy. As if her lot had any of that…
"And what, pray tell, is wrong with being a Gryffindor?" Hermione had moved somewhat closer by this point – an unfortunate necessity of having cleaned all the cauldrons at her table, and not wanting to spend a second longer here than possible with him for company, moving on to the next.
"Nothing, if you want a bunch of degenerate imbeciles for company."
Alright, that was it. Any slight amount of sympathy Hermione might have been tempted to feel for Snape before, deriving from their common torment at the hands of the Marauders was quickly slipping away, quickly replaced with the strongest desire to go over there and wring his neck. That judgmental little… Who did he think was, grouping her in with them…? After she'd even gone and ran to his defense – as a consequence of which, she was stuck here now. Some gratitude…
Well, Hermione was normally one averse to starting fights, but she wasn't about to back down and simply allow him to disdain her entire House, it's thousand years or so of proud traditions – its honorable virtues of courage and loyalty she strove to embody. She was proud to wear the crimson and gold – even if she wasn't the proudest of all its members, all the time any longer…
"A Slytherin talking about 'degeneracy'? Really, now that's pretty ironic, don't you think?"
Snape shot her a glowering look, was probably to make some biting remark in turn, when suddenly Slughorn got up and started walking over. Evidently unaware of the conflict that had been festering between the two of them. "I'm going to get myself a cup of tea. Be back in a few minutes. I think I can trust the two of you to behave in my absence."
Both Severus and Hermione nodded silently, meeting each other's eyes in venom as Slughorn made his way out of the room.
"Alright, you little Gryffindor cur!" Snape began rather acerbically once he was certain Slughorn would be out of possible earshot, making his way rather dangerously close to her. "How much did Dumbledore pay you to join this little scheme of his, hmm? I suppose you think you've been rather clever, orchestrating everything so far. Arranging it so we'd be here together; you'd have more time to observe me. You wrote that letter I suppose…? Well, I'm on to you, and rest assured, I won't rest until you and that odious old man you work for get what's yours…"
Hermione looked stunned, dumbfounded, her mouth hanging open a bit. How could someone even say something so idiotic, so off-base. Dumbledore, he … he was one of the kindest, bravest men he knew. Even in this era, just having met her for the "first" time, he'd entirely taken her at her word, made arrangements to take her in, continue her education. And Snape was talking about… well, she couldn't even make full sense of just what he was accusing of her and Dumbledore of – but some conspiracy or another. Was he always this suspicious of everyone, always making the worst assumptions based off of nothing? Well, this was Snape she was referring to, so of course he bloody was…
"Are you absolutely mental? Why would Dumbledore want to 'spy' on you – or any other student for that matter?"
"Don't play stupid with me…" Snape remarked drily. "Might not be that remarkably hard a role for a Gryffindor to play, but even you can't be that dense… You're working for Dumbledore. He practically admitted so himself at the Welcoming Feast…"
Merlin, Snape was perhaps even more infuriating now than as an adult. At least the most the adult ever really could say against her was that she was an 'insufferable know it all'. At least he begrudgingly made reference to her intelligence. This version of him seemed to think her an ignorant bimbo simply because of her House. Just what was wrong with him? She'd saved him before, and this is how he repaid her? Well, that was another lesson learned. Never expect a Slytherin to repay a favor…
"This is absolutely absurd. Dumbledore is here to look out for the interests of his students. All of them. Even Slytherins like you…"
"Are you blind or stupid? He lets your kind run around the school like the bloody idiots you all are, causing mindless havoc for others, no regard for learning or the consequences of their actions. No regard for how they act towards others outside his precious Gryffindors... He nearly lets them get away with murder... Gryffindor is a House of vermin." He swung his fist from the table to the side angrily. It was the closest he thought he could get away with in making reference to the horrendous travesty justice that had happened with those bloody Marauders she'd been fraternizing with. He wasn't sure how much they'd told her, how much she knew. Hermione probably wouldn't have any knowledge of the incident he referred to; he couldn't see them telling anyone outside their inner circle about Lupin's... condition, even to brag about nearly killing a Slytherin and getting away with it with just some nominal detention. Something he was sure that would otherwise make those odious Gryffindor eyes light up in the telling. And, she likely wouldn't believe him even if he could tell her; but it didn't matter. It was the truth, and the Headmaster was a dreadful, biased old man, who, had the situation been reversed, would almost certainly have expelled at least half of Slytherin, Severus was sure.
Hermione shook her head, absolutely incredulous. She couldn't believe how deep Snape's irrational mistrust seemed to run. "Murder"? What on earth was he on about? The only murderers she knew of were Slytherins. Well, aside from… Pettigrew; but that hadn't happened yet, and certainly he wouldn't know of such accordingly.
"Whatever rubbish you say about us, at least Gryffindors aren't like you. At least we're loyal to our friends. You Slytherins would sell each other out in an instant if it benefitted you." Well, it mostly followed. It was the best retort she could think of. Sure there was Pettigrew, but again, Snape didn't know of him. Whatever momentary loathing she might have for the Marauders on aggregate, they certainly were at least loyal to one another – if not otherwise "honorable"; they at least embodied one of the House's virtues. And even Snape would have to recognize that…
Hermione's words struck a nerve much deeper and fresher in Severus than she probably even knew existed. "Gryffindors loyal"? The worst, the cruelest of all lies. He'd done everything for Lily, everything. He'd overlooked her blood status and House, even as a Slytherin. Merlin knows how many times he'd kept Avery and the others away from her until it'd practically become another one of the Slytherins' many unspoken rules to exempt Lily from any torment dished out on Gryffindors, or at least keep it minor and hidden from Severus. There was nothing he wouldn't have done for her. He'd destroy anyone who tried to harm her - Avery and his lot included if they were stupid enough to do so; under the right circumstances, if it came to it, he'd die for her. She was his first - in some senses, his only - friend, the love of his life. There had been nothing in the world that had mattered more to Severus than seeing those brilliant green eyes of her sparkle happily.
And she'd betrayed him, betrayed his love and friendship, in the most terrible, painful way imaginable. He'd made one mistake, one bloody mistake, after years of absolute, unconditional love for her; and she couldn't even manage to swallow that stupid Gryffindor self-righteousness long enough to bring herself to forgive the one mistake of the person in the world who cared about her more than anything else. She, a Gryffindor, was the disloyal one. Not him. And the worst part of it all. He still loved her.
For a second it was as if Hermione had literally taken a knife and stabbed him. His eyes flashing with a pained expression at her words, his hands falling limp to either side of his body. He clenched his fists, a second or so later, a new hatred; a hot, burning one rising within him. One that, until this point he'd only ever felt for one other person.
It was one thing to trade insults, vague threats between Houses. Severus was far more than used to such. But not this... She knew... he was almost sure of it. She'd only been here a brief time, and hadn't been around to witness the events of the last year but... Potter or the blood-traitor Black, or one of those other big-headed imbeciles who'd poisoned his beloved Lily must have told her, must have bragged to her about it. She'd practically acted it out before, after all… His closest friend, the love of his life, the one person in the otherwise worthless world that he actually gave a damn about had betrayed him, hated him. And this vile Gryffindor swine was mocking him over it...
She was absolute vermin. Just like the rest of them. No ... worse. Second only to James himself...
If only he could travel two years in the future right now, he thought darkly, painfully, to when he would finally be with the Dark Lord, he'd have casted Avada Kedavra right then and there. Gryffindor insolence was one thing. Lily was everything. All that mattered in the world. And this stupid girl was daring to talk about "Gryffindor loyalty" after all that had happened, surely knowing full well what he'd been through. Purposefully, sadistically opening the freshly formed wounds on his heart. Well, he wouldn't be the only one with open wounds, he thought darkly. So furious, so hurt, he forgot even his inhibitions against violence in a classroom. He whipped out his wand silently, aiming it right at her face, locking his eyes on her, clenching his teeth. "Sec-!"
But that was all he got out before he felt an arm yanking his own back, grabbing away his wand. Furiously he whipped his body around, dark hair cascading over his eyes, only to find himself staring face to face with Professor Slughorn who had evidently come to stand behind him. He must have just returned to the room. Suddenly, Severus's face became quite pale, as an unusually bewildered and worse for him, disappointed look came over the Professor's face.
"Severus!" he exclaimed crossly, "What on earth do you think you're doing?"
"I... I..." Snape could only stammer.
Slughorn exhaled sharply, sternly shaking his head. "Never in all my years would I think you of all my students... I'm very disappointed in you. Fifty points from Slytherin and a week of detention. And another fifty if you don't march straight down to your dormitory for the rest of the evening."
Something flashed in Snape's eyes, almost as if he was going to contest the point - but to whom? Slughorn himself was Head of Slytherin, and Dumbledore sure as hell wouldn't take his side in the matter. It was so bloody unfair. Just like most everything in the worthless world. And so, hanging his head, he simply sighed heavily. "Yes, Professor", he muttered wearily, making his way out of the room, but not before shooting daggers at Hermione out of his eyes as he left. The message was clear enough. She might have humiliated him for now, but this wasn't over, and there'd be hell to pay later.
Once Severus had finally left, Slughorn turned toward Hermione, a bit of a sad shake to his head. "Sorry about that. I can't right say what came over him. Quite out of character; he's normally one of my best students..." he frowned slightly, as if slightly modifying his impressions of the Slytherin. "Well, I suppose you can go as well. I'll clean up whatever's left... You are... alright, aren't you?" He asked, seeming still to be genuinely concerned and perplexed by Severus's sudden behavior.
It was only after Snape marched away that Hermione could breathe easily again. He was absolutely insane. Absolutely out of line. It was no wonder his sort went on to follow the Dark Lord. Absolutely vile. Evil might be a strong word to use, but she was contemplating it.
"I'm fine, Professor, thank you." Hermione added with a slight nod. And with that, she was off to the Gryffindor Dormitory, never more glad in all her life to be leaving the Potions classroom.
Thankfully it wasn't dreadfully far from the Potions classroom to the Slytherin Dormitory. Severus wasn't sure how he'd even managed to hold his composure even that far. It was still mid evening, so there were of course, a dozen or so Slytherins out in the Common Room. All so far, completely unaware of what had just happened happened. They'd probably be furious at him if they knew - well, to the extent they'd be brave enough to show any open resistance to Lucius's protégé - but they'd still at least mutter about it beneath their breath, avoid him whenever possible, for the next week or so. Really though, he didn't even care. Hermione had been right on at least one bit: they weren't his friends in any true sense. If they hated him, it didn't matter, as long as fear of incurring the wrath of an inner-circle Death Eater who'd taking a liking to him could still keep them in line. When she hated him though...
Even if Slughorn hadn't mandated that he make his way to his dormitory immediately, Severus would have done as much. He couldn't bear to be around anyone right now, not even his supposed "friends". He was deeply relieved to find the sixth year boy's dormitory empty as he entered. Avery, Wilkes, and the others were probably out doing ... who knows what; it didn't matter. He was finally alone. The fresh wounds that terrible Gryffindor girl had opened could bleed out now. Collapsing on his bed, not even bothering to remove any of his robes, he shut off the lights, his head pressed into the pillow, the tears he'd fought so hard to hold back in public, feeling too pathetic to show, now streaming out, hot and salty against it.
He remembered when he'd first came here as a First Year. Back when the world seemed such a more beautiful, simple place. How, on the second or third day of class, Lily had asked him about House Points, what the actual purpose of them was. How it was even an effective form of punishment or reward, when all it did in the end was decide the decorations of the ending feast. And he'd just smiled, shaking his head, muttering something about idiots who only cared about their own houses, and their greatest goal was to undercut all the others. Then it just seemed a stupid relic of an older age, a pointless cold war between the Houses. It'd just seemed moronic to him then. He was a Slytherin, and his best friend in the world a Gryffindor. And to hell with anyone who said that shouldn't be.
Then his first time ever losing House Points, after already having won somewhere near twenty-five or so in class for his rather adept knowledge. It'd been a late fall evening, the evening air crisp, but not yet chilling. They'd been planning it nearly all week, and the sky was finally clear enough. That night, slightly past midnight, Severus and Lily had both sneaked out of their respective common rooms, meeting on the astronomy tower under that beautiful canopy of stars. Before Hogwarts, he'd always loved to gaze at the night sky with her, but somehow, it seemed even more wondrous than ever that night. Her eyes had been so wide, so enraptured as he'd pointed out the various stars, the various constellations to her. Things he'd probably told her several dozen times before, but it was still fresh as ever to her.
It'd been perfect, and he'd only wished that moment could last forever. Their blissful attention so focused on the sky and each other, that they hadn't even noticed the approaching footsteps until the door at the top of the stairs creaked open. Lily's eyes had widened with fear. "Sev, what are we going to do?" she'd exclaimed, frantic at the thought of detention after some of the older students had teased her about Hagrid leaving first years in the Forbidden Forest, and she'd naively believed them. He'd told her to run, save herself. He'd buy her the time. She'd been unwilling, but he'd insisted, and so with a sincere, yet sad smile, Lily ran down the other staircase as fast as her legs could take her, not resting until she'd come panting into the Gryffindor Common Room.
Seconds later, Filch had arrived, snarling. "What's this now, students out of bed? Roaming the castle, were you?" Half an act, Severus stammered, trying to think of some excuse, really just trying to take as long as possible in hopes that Lily would get away safely. Disgustedly, Filch had marched Severus down to his office, adamant that he'd seen two students up there, but Severus was just as adamant in denying it, saying that he'd been there alone. He'd ended up getting two detentions and fifteen House Points docked from Slytherin - ten for being out that late at night, and five for "lying". At that point, he was the lowest of the possible low in Slytherin, a half-blooded first year; and when the others had heard, they'd done everything but literally take the points out of his hide. But he didn't care. Lily got away safe, and that was all that mattered.
Now though, everything was so terribly different. He did care about House Points now. He did hate those worthless, arrogant, self-righteous Gryffindors now. Not for some ancient rivalry's sake, but for how each and every one of them was here and now. He'd always thought the Sorting Hat had made a mistake with Lily; that she was the one exception, the one who wasn't actually supposed to be a Gryffindor. But now he couldn't even honestly think that anymore.
The world was so unfair. Gryffindors had treated him like scum for years, poisoned his friend's mind against him, tormented him even on that. They were the greatest of sadists in existence. Yet so often paraded around like "heroes", like they were better than everyone else alive simply because that stupid hat had put them in the same house with all those other vermin. And whenever a Slytherin did anything in retaliation, it was always immediate grounds for punishment. And that stupid Hermione, now obviously in league with that terrible old man who'd pardoned the Gryffindors even when they'd tried to murder him, had joined their ranks. Thinking herself so much better than him, only because the stupid rules of the school let Gryffindors run around unimpeded and tied Slytherins' hands behind their backs.
He flipped over the pillow, it was uncomfortably wet. He vowed then and there that he'd get vengeance. It was personal now. More than just wanting to expose Dumbledore's scheming, he actively loathed Hermione, wanted to make her suffer as much as she and her kind had made him. Even if the opportunity never presented itself at Hogwarts, he'd be a Death Eater in two years. And ... he had a very good memory.
But even hatred could only last so long at holding back the waves of almost physical pain that Hermione had brought back to the surface. He'd fallen into sleep eventually, weary and drained. There was no relief in dreams though.
Again, and again the images flashed through his mind. That stupid word he'd said after those idiots had provoked him as so many times before. Lily's absolute refusal to forgive him, no matter how he'd pleaded. Her cold rejection and refusal to even acknowledge his existence at the train just days before. And all of it with that terrible girl's voice mocking him. 'At least Gryffindors are loyal to their friends.'
At some point he just blacked out, entering the mercifully empty void.