Author's Note: Sorry for being so relatively slow in updating this. Though, I can't honestly see it getting much faster in the near future (it might I suppose, but won't make any promises down that way right now…) I think maybe like once a week might be more realistic for what's left of this semester. We'll see though.

Thanks once more to my loyal readers, and I hope I'm still doing a decent job of writing this in your eyes.

Rawenclaw – Thanks for the review. Canonically the Shrieking Shack incident happened some time before the end of Fifth Year, so yeah, it's happened.

AnimeGirl – Don't want to say too much, as I'd rather not put out spoilers on my own fic; but suffice to say, yes, the last two or three chapters will occur chronologically after Hermione goes back, dealing with the effects the changes she had had upon the timeline.

Finally, I think I mentioned it before, but, on the side, I'm also writing another fic – kind of an unusual premise to that; one with Eileen Prince as a protagonist, trying to reconstruct her narrative from what little canon there is. I mentioned it before, but the first real chapter is up now; so if anyone's interested in that perchance, it's linked to in my profile obviously. In any case, thank you all for your interest in this fic so far. ^_^

September 6th, 1976

It seemed like hours that he'd been waiting there, alone in the Room of Requirement. It was like a library, and Severus had his homework with him, but … he couldn't concentrate on it. Even Potions and DADA that normally provided a sort of sanctuary from the world's troubles seemed distant and disengaging.

Classes, meals in the Great Hall, it had all been simply habit, a routine, almost unconscious repetition that had gotten him through them earlier in the day. Lily… Lily was all he could think about. The worst mistake of his life he'd ever made, and the slim hope that had appeared the night before that he might have a second chance.

He'd seen Hermione in the halls that morning before breakfast. With what he'd told the other Slytherins, it was 'safe' now in a certain sense to talk to her publicly, but it still wasn't the best for their view of him – which in the last few days certainly had fallen – to associate too much with her; any more than was absolutely necessary for 'extracting information'.

Well, it was information he was after. Just, not the sort they thought. Sure a part of him still very much would like to see Dumbledore sent off to Azkaban where he belonged, in chains; but that was all secondary to something much strong. Lily… Hermione had promised him she was going to talk to Lily, try to see if she could possibly make them friends again.

She'd given him a bit of a sad smile, that she hadn't had a chance the night before, as Lily was already asleep when she returned, and Hermione thought it would be best not to wake her; to have such a conversation when Lily was in the very best of states. But, she promised she'd talk to her that evening, after dinner; that Severus should go to the Room of Requirement and wait for her to come there; that she'd let him know how it went.

He'd accepted that of course; he had to. It didn't make him any easier; he still couldn't fully tell if she was lying to him or not about ever intending to talk to Lily. But once more, if there was even the slightest chance she would, he wasn't going to do anything to upset that. And when Severus overheard Hermione talking to Lily – seeming to simultaneously go out of her way to ignore Remus – and saying she had 'something important' to go over with her in private; well, that was a source of some slight relief at least.

It'd be a lie to say he'd eaten too well at dinner. His eyes and thoughts had kept wandering over to the Gryffindor table. Hermione and Lily were sitting relatively close together; well, all the girls of the year were; he doubted they were discussing it then and there. But still, he could hardly tear his gaze away, hoping for some tiny semblance of a sign or clue on how Lily might be reacting. He'd gotten nothing.

He'd left before even they had. Food didn't have much value when he didn't feel like eating, and he wanted to be sure he'd be there when Hermione arrived. It'd… be best, he reasoned, if no one saw him entering the Room, so it'd probably be wise to leave the Great Hall before most of the others did.

Wilkes and Avery, who'd suddenly decided that Severus was their best friend in the world now that he was supposedly writing to Malfoy on their behalf and were rather transparently trying to curry his favor exclaimed in a bit of dismay as he got up to leave, but he just waved them off, citing homework or something. Really, right then and there, he couldn't care less what they thought…

The silence, the waiting, it was driving him crazy. Surely by now, Hermione at least started talking to Lily. What was going on? What was she saying? What was Lily thinking? The helplessness of it all, the lack of answers was nearly him up the wall.

He'd probably half wore out the soles of his shoes by pacing back and forth so much; but now he was so restless, so nervous, he couldn't do even that. He'd returned to the chair, but he couldn't his mind still; it was still racing, horribly disturbed with the thought that this probably was his one final chance, and it all rested in the hands of a Gryffindor girl he barely even knew – who might well be complicit otherwise in a plot to destroy him. Put that way, it really wasn't the strongest of hope.

What… what was taking them so long? Surely it wouldn't take so horribly long for Lily to consider it, see how much he regretted what he did to seek out another person from a House he hated just for another chance to say he was sorry. Surely by now it should be done. Maybe even it'd be Lily at the door, she'd come running in and hug him, and nothing would ever be wrong with the world again.

Then suddenly he realized, horribly, the way he'd set the room up, only he and Hermione could enter. Even… even if Lily had forgiven him, Hermione would have to show up first alone to tell him. But, that was fine. If… if he could just be her friend again, he wouldn't have cared if it was Potter or blood-traitor Black themselves coming to bear the news.

He noticed then he'd been drumming his fingers fairly hard against the table. Still quite anxious. Where the hell was she? Had she forgotten him entirely; was this all some large elaborate prank on her part to just mess with his head? Pretend she actually wanted to help him get Lily back and then leave him here, waiting. The thought was starting to cross his mind.

When, finally, the door opened…

He'd been sitting in the chair facing it, of course, not wanting to miss even for a second Hermione's arrival. She walked in alone; the outer hall was lighter than the somewhat dimly lit Room, so all he got at first was a silhouette, but it was just one person, alone. And not Lily's, he knew hers far too well.

But, of course it was Hermione. It'd have to be. That was how the Room was set up. So, in itself… not necessarily a bad sign. He paused for a second, almost unsure how to speak, then finally he squeezed the words out of his throat. "D-id you talk… to her?"

It might even have passed for a hopeful tone if he didn't feel so … dead inside.

"Yeah…" Hermione started off, a bit of a huff. "I did." Suddenly she put her hands on her hips rather crossly. "I can't believe what an idiot you just made me look like! To think for a second that I actually trusted you when you said that you still wanted to be her friend after all this…! To send me in there, trying to defend you after what you…!"

Whatever frail sense of hope had lingered in Snape's eyes instantly shattered at Hermione's accusations. "I…" Snape started.

Hermione didn't give him a chance to continue. She was nearly fuming. "So you want to be a Death Eater? And you really wonder why a mudblood has trouble forgiving you?"

Severus could only look down at the table for a moment. It … wasn't as if a good part of him hadn't expected this. Any chance of Lily forgiving him, even by a supposedly sympathetic proxy, seemed impossible. Lily… must have told her. Told her everything. And Hermione's accusations weren't really anywhere near as bad as the terrible diatribes he'd been screaming at himself inside his own head ever since he'd ever called her that name. But just hearing that word again…

"It's… it's not like that… I didn't mean it…"

"Didn't mean it, really?" Hermione groaned in indignation. "Which is right why you want to run off to serve the Dark Lord the first chance you get. Who knows, might even get the chance to kill some of us mudbloods while you're at it, work your way up. She told me you wouldn't even deny it… Honestly, if it wasn't for a sense of honor a lot stronger than you seem to have, I'd probably just have left you in here all night once I heard that."

Very few times in her life had Hermione been so absolutely furious. She couldn't believe how much Snape had played her for a fool, such a stupid act, setting her up there like that. She'd trusted him, thought he really cared about Lily. Was willing to go out of her own way to intervene and give him a second chance that he obviously didn't deserve. All the while knowing all that he'd done to her, sending Hermione there to earn Lily's scorn too. Just because for a moment in her life she'd decided to give a single Slytherin the benefit of her doubt, certainly against her better judgment. Alright, that was never going to happen again.

But the most infuriating bit was what he'd done to her. Lily… really was hurt by this. Severus used to be her friend. And he'd completely betrayed her, calling her to her face what amounted in Hermione's mind to what was possibly the most horrible word in the English language when Lily had tried to help him. And was working on getting involved – if he wasn't already – in an organization whose sole mission was to destroy those like Lily and herself. She knew he was a Death Eater certainly, but would have assumed that to be later on, after Lily had already left. She thought even he would have enough honor not to join forces with an organization that wanted to harm his supposed 'best friend'.

"You don't understand anything!" Severus suddenly shouted, slamming his fist on the table. "None of you do!"

"What's there to understand? You've made it pretty clear where you stand I think."

"It's… it's not what it looks like…" Severus looked down, frustration, anguish swirling around inside him. Why didn't anyone understand…? Lily especially.

He'd been stupid, really stupid to trust Hermione – a Gryffindor – this. To think for a second he'd been stupid enough to think she actually cared about him and Lily. Well, her conversation, its goals were pretty transparent now. She was trying to get him into admitting his association with the Death Eaters, just using his obvious weakness of his need of Lily against him. She really was just as terrible as he'd first assumed. That, or just… absolutely stupid to not understand what to him was so transparent, so straightforward.

"I'm trying to protect her!" he shouted again. Mainly just trying to get it out, it had to get out. He didn't expect she'd believe him. Typical Gryffindor thinking herself so much better, so superior to him. None of their lot could possibly understand why he had to do what he had to do. But that didn't change the fact that it was still absolutely true, that doing this was the only possible path he could conceivably take, no matter how painful it might seem.

"Protect her?" Hermione asked incredulously. "By joining them…?"

"Yes, protect her…" Severus sighed heavily, deliberately ignoring her second, obviously leading question. "Look, I know what you are. I'm not stupid enough to incriminate myself…" he scowled a bit, "Especially with all this on the line. But if you really want to know why I might want to do certain things, make certain … alliances. Well…"

He shook his head letting out another sharp breath. "Honestly, tell this to Dumbledore, I don't even care anymore. There's not a damned thing anyone could do to change this, not even him. But…" he looked down again. "As you've probably surmised… I'm a Slytherin; more intelligent certainly than most of the others. And a favorite of Malfoy's – and anyone with a pulse at least knows what the rumors are about him. So fine, of course I've heard things. I have … access to more information than most, I'll say that much…"

"So…" he paused another moment or so, trying to think how best to phrase the next bit. "There's some things I know… The Dark Lord, he's… he's not just a powerful wizard. He's done something – I don't fully know what, and certainly wouldn't tell you if I did – but, he's … made himself immortal. Even if someone overpowered him, destroyed his body; it wouldn't matter. He'll just rise back up again and again. Nothing, no one can stop him. Not you, not the Order, not Dumbledore himself. To even think of opposing him is just to invite death needlessly upon one's self."

"No matter what happens, in the end, it's inevitable, he's going to win. So, knowing this, I… the only reasonable, rational thing to do I mean… I'm not unintelligent. I know how he feels, in general, about muggleborns. As it might stand presently, if I do nothing, there's a good chance, when he inevitably wins, Lily would be in great danger. That… can't happen. So… the only, only rational decision would be to join the winning side. Make myself powerful, indispensible to the Dark Lord. And then when this, the war is all over. I… I'll actually be in a position to keep her safe… That's… all I really want… I just wish she could just understand…!" He slammed his fist down again. He was close to tears again. Just the agony, the absolute frustration of it all. Why couldn't Lily just understand what was so transparently simple; the one, the only way that she'd be safe; the only thing in the world that actually mattered.

Hermione hadn't even noticed that her jaw had fallen open by the end. So that was why. That was why he first joined… them… But still, it didn't make the fullest of sense to her. The Death Eaters… he'd be falling in with an extremely dangerous crowd. If "his own" didn't turn on him, he could very well end up dead or in Azkaban from the Ministry. And… while she knew that wouldn't be the case, he wouldn't. Sure it was misguided, quite misguided. About as far off the proper course as one could get. But, he was willing to literally put his life at risk to try and keep Lily safe. That, at least, made him, technically speaking, at least a bit morally superior to most of the other Death Eaters. If… if he was actually telling the truth, and protecting Lily really was his driving motivation.

But… that didn't make sense. Lily… hated him. Or so he said, and Lily herself seemed to indicate. Even if they used to be friends, after she turned on him, why would he still…? Then, in an instant, it hit her. An epiphany. He… unbelievable as the idea seemed from everything she'd seen of the older man… Snape loved Lily. So much so that he was willing to do what he thought would protect her, even if it would put him at such great personal risk; even if it meant he would have to do things that made her turn against him.

Hermione realized suddenly she was still staring, her jaw ajar… "I…" she began in a rather more soft tone now, trying to think of some words to say, her mind still a bit blank on what to possibly articulate, instead running a million miles in all directions.

Suddenly it all made sense, as if everything she'd seen of the older man drew back to this one point. So this was why he truly hated James so much… because James was taking Lily away from him. And now that Lily had left him, would go on to marry his worst enemy. It had to be devastating… Hermione could almost see now, almost understand why the older man hated Harry so badly, living proof that he'd lost Lily to his worst enemy.

But the worst part for him; the truly worst part of it all: in his misguided quest to protect her, Snape would serve as the catalyst for Lily's death. She'd heard his earlier words; sure, from what she'd seen, the younger Snape seemed quite power hungry, and had something of a morbid fascination with the Dark Arts, but… he'd said his deepest reason motivating him to join the Dark Lord was … he thought he could protect her that way. And really, after seeing all that, it was kind of hard not to believe him. There was just too much pain in his eyes for it to be a lie.

She could only imagine how much more devastated he'd be when he-who-must-not-be-named murdered her. Hermione felt absolutely terrible, ashamed of her earlier words, ashamed of not trusting Dumbledore when he'd told them to trust Snape. He… after Lily's death. He'd have to have been devastated, utterly devastated. He truly… truly had defected. Just like Dumbledore had said. And was only trying to protect Harry and destroy the Dark Lord, all for Lily's sake…

"I'm… so sorry…" Hermione finally spoke, looking down a bit, not actually daring to look him in the eyes right then and there when she thought about how much she'd misjudged at least his character, if not his actions; especially those he'd yet to take.

She wanted, somehow to tell him, to warn him. It was just too painful what he was going through, would have to go in the future. Maybe… maybe it wasn't too late. If she could just let him know now what Voldemort would do to Lily… If she could just… But no, she couldn't. It was doubtful she'd have any means of proving any of it to him, and… as terrible as it all was. Well, without events unfolding as they would have to leading to Lily's sacrifice, there would be no Harry, no hope of defeating the Dark Lord. It… didn't make it any less painful to think about but… it was necessary.

Terrible, tragic as it sounded, he had to become a Death Eater, go down this path, for now, for hope to remain alive. Dumbledore… really had been right in warning her about things. She never imagined just quite how painful protecting the proper timeline might be…

Still though, Hermione now saw Snape in an entirely new light. He was quite possibly one of the most loyal, brave individuals she'd ever met. And she couldn't believe how wrong she'd been about him for so many long years. All those years, he'd been there behind the scenes, at great risk, protecting her, Harry, and Ron… and, they'd all nearly constantly hated and scorned him for it. Just because she couldn't understand. Just like Lily…

Hermione resolved then and there. She'd do whatever it took, in whatever time she had here, to stand by him, try to give him what comfort she could, at least make his life some tiny bit better. It was … the very least she owed him, after all he'd done for her… or would do… especially if she couldn't even tell him…

Without even really thinking about it, Hermione wrapped a single arm around Snape's back, her cheek meeting his. "You're the best friend Lily could have ever hoped for… And I'm sorry that she can't see it…"