Author's Note: Alright, again, because this chapter was a bit on the longer side, I'm going to keep the AN relatively short.

Thanks again to all my readers. I THINK I might be able to post another chapter this weekend, but I can't promise. If not, it'll be sometime next week.

Thank you very much for the reviews; though, I won't directly comment on what happens between Hermione/Severus/Lily, as that'd rather be spoiling the ending I think. xD

September 6th, 1976

Snape didn't understand at all. A minute ago, Hermione had been screaming accusations in his face; the same he'd heard directly, or mostly now indirectly from Lily so many times. The same ones he'd exclaimed against himself silently so many times every day.

She, an initially outside party now knew the truth. And, predictably enough, she hated him for it. Well, she was a muggleborn Gryffindor almost certainly working directly against the interests of the Death Eaters. It wasn't that surprising of a stance.

But then, when he'd all but literally confirmed her accusations, couldn't deny the horrible word he'd used against his one real friend, almost directly admitted to working for the Death Eaters. When he'd went on to admit that he really didn't care one way or the other who lived or died in the war just so long as Lily was safe; that he was more than happy to work with an organization opposed to muggleborns otherwise as long as he could keep Lily herself safe. After all that, she seemed to… actually feel sorry for him, almost take his side of things.

It didn't make sense. She was a muggleborn; probably one of those in the greatest danger indirectly from what he was doing. Sure it was all to protect Lily rather than any real malice towards Hermione – the events of the past week or so, which now seemed quite insignificant in comparison excluded – that certainly wasn't a lie; but so long as it seemed the best means of protecting Lily, he'd do anything, absolutely anything to achieve such ends. Including ends that certainly weren't aligned with Hermione's own interests.

So why was she, after what he'd just admitted, actually showing him kindness. He was confused, definitely confused. But so drained, and with the shock of it all, he didn't resist. For a few seconds he just remained looking forward, his expression unreadable.

This had been far, far more emotion than Severus ever felt comfortable displaying. Certainly around a relative stranger; certainly around Gryffindors other than Lily. Maybe it was just the way the human brain was hard-wired though, despite all his conscious thoughts on the matter, but he actually felt… slightly better, stronger at Hermione's embrace. The pain and frustration was still there equally strong, but there was a strange bit of comfort too, something he couldn't quite understand.

He remembered, in the past, when things went wrong, Lily had always been there for him. When his mother died the year before, for several days he thought he might have gone literally insane if she hadn't been there for him. With Lily, the simplest kind look, touch was usually enough – no matter how terrible the world was otherwise – to bring him a sense of peace.

Hermione wasn't Lily though. Obviously. He tried for a second even closing his eyes and imagining that it was his former friend holding him like she had so many times before. But he couldn't, it didn't work. Still, in a odd way, it actually made him feel slightly better. Someone actually still cared about him, at least on some level – assuming it was genuine. And that was … slightly better than what the status quo had been so far.

It was too… confusing though. He didn't like some of the implications of such thoughts. Sure when he had Lily, she wouldn't have minded him having other friends, probably but… he didn't like the idea on any level of 'replacing' her. His top priority now and always would be winning back her friendship. Anyone else, even an ally on that quest, would have to come second. So, he felt almost guilty for any comfort, however fleeting he received from Hermione. Even if she meant well, even if she truly just felt sympathy for him. Well, it almost felt like an affront to Lily.

Or maybe not. Severus really didn't know what to think. Nothing about any of this made any sense at all. Everything in the world seemed confusing now. Friends, enemies, allies, rivals; they all seemed mixed up, conflated. He barely knew who he was anymore, what 'side' he was really on, who to stand with. Well, Lily above all else. He knew that much, didn't he?

So, slowly he pulled away, without any hint of anger – it wasn't that; in a way, Hermione had actually helped him feel slightly better about himself. He just… didn't know what to do anymore, and the conflict in his mind was becoming too strong.

There was something though he had to know, objectively. Terrible as the knowledge might be. And, as it stood, Hermione was the only one who could possibly answer him. "Is… is it really that terrible? The word I mean…?"

"Well," Hermione frowned slightly, recalling some instances of hearing the word herself in the past, none of them pleasant, "If you want an honest answer, it's certainly not a very nice word. Umm… I mean, normally when I'd been called it before in the past, it was by, well, someone kind of like who called me it the other day. Who obviously already hated me to begin with. So… in that case. I mean, it's still highly offensive, a really nasty word. And anyone who uses it prejudicially like that, I certainly would lose any respect for. But, coming from an enemy… It'd certainly anger me a bit; it's degrading, cruel. But, considering the source, it wouldn't affect me in the long term."

"If a close friend of mine had called me that though." Hermione shook her head, unable to even imagine the thought of Harry or Ron ever calling her that. "It'd really, really hurt. I'd feel insulted of course, and all the more deeply so if I considered them my friend. And beyond that, betrayed that they could even think about me in such terms. It really is about the most awful things you could say to someone muggleborn, especially with all that's going on right now."

By the end, Snape was hanging his head, too ashamed to even meet Hermione's eye. She was right of course. It'd been more than just a word; on a very real level, he'd betrayed his beloved Lily, said one of the most horrible things imaginable to her, after she'd done so much for him for so long. The one person in his life who for so long had actually shown him kindness, and in one terrible unthinking moment, he'd treated her like dirt.

"Why did you call her that, anyway?" Hermione had questioned; strangely to Severus, not in all that accusing a tone.

"I…" he could barely speak. "I didn't mean to. I didn't even realize I had until it was already out… I… The other Slytherins, they used that term a lot. So, I did too around them – but only in referring to others, and just to be accepted. I never, ever thought of her like that. I was just … so angry, so frustrated. I wasn't thinking, at all…"

Severus would have figured Hermione would probably have stormed off again, knowing all that she did, but instead, rather softly, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Well, at least you're not proud of it, like most others who use it would be."

Proud? How could he possibly be 'proud' of insulting to her face the love of his life in about the most degrading way possible after she'd tried to save him? Of course he felt ashamed, regret, self-loathing. Anything but pride. But, she was right. The other Slytherins – well, the four he interacted with most at least – threw that word around left and right, acting like they were somehow superior for using it. And him, as long as he lived, he just wanted to never have to hear that terrible word uttered again.

He nodded very slightly, still looking down. It was really obvious that he had nothing but regret for what he'd done to her. "Do you think…" Severus paused. "If… if a friend of yours called you that, but they were really sorry about it… Could you forgive them…?"

"Well…" Hermione started, "If they really were sincere about apologizing, and honestly felt bad about it. I think… in time, I could, yes. But, it would take time. And it'd be a long while before things ever felt normal again."

"But you'd forgive them?" Severus looked up slightly, actually meeting Hermione's eyes for a fleeting second.

"If they really were sorry, yes. Honestly, I think… from what I've seen, Lily just needs a bit of time."

Time? It'd been more than three months now; three months that he'd done practically nothing short of constantly regretting it, apologizing for it.

Hermione frowned. How to say this next part. Well, she knew at least in the "proper" timeline that Severus and Lily never made up. Or, maybe in some far stretch of the imagination he and Lily regained a civil friendship, but she still ended up with James in the end. And somehow she thought that wouldn't be enough for Severus either. But, according to everything she'd told everyone – Dumbledore aside – since she'd arrived here, she wasn't supposed to "know" anything of the sort. And honestly it was just too awful for her to want to tell him.

Could the "future" be changed? Maybe, she didn't know. She'd read a number of mutually exclusive theories on the matter, regarding the permanence or lack thereof of the timeline; but they were just that, theories. As far as anyone knew, there'd yet to be any real practical experimentation on time. Probably for the best.

It was really, really tempting on one level to intervene here. That was, if it were just a matter of helping Lily choose between Severus and James with no external consequences to the decision besides who she ended up with. Well, Severus was the better choice by far. At least from everything she'd ever seen.

He obviously cared very deeply about her; he certainly wouldn't have defended another member of a House he otherwise hated over a single word, the memory of a single perceived offense otherwise. Sure he'd made a mistake, and broadly speaking, was in the process of making another larger one – though in that case, admittedly for 'noble' intentions; but he truly regretted it once he saw what it was. If anything, his fault lay in loving her a bit too deeply, too strongly, to the point where it made him do things that he'd probably otherwise consider irrational. But that too would redeem him in the end. And, at least from their earlier conversation, he'd made it clear that he was willing to do absolutely anything that he thought would keep her safe.

James on the other hand seemed by comparison like an almost sadistic brigand. Making "mistakes" all the time, and having absolutely no remorse for them – taking pride if anything in how he hurt others. And at least all that she'd seen so far of his supposed affection for Lily. Well, it seemed a very surface level thing, he thought she was 'pretty' or something; he'd go out of his way to annoy her, harass her. From what was happening at present, if she didn't know any better, she might even be led to believe that James didn't care about Lily at all and was only pursuing her as some sort of bid to take her away from Severus, hurt him more. And fine, maybe in time he would change; hopefully he would. She loathed the thought of Lily with someone like that indefinitely.

But, really, if the question had been posed in her own times, a female friend of hers in much the same situation as Lily; Severus would be the obvious choice. Not the slightest thought of contest.

The problem here was, of course, in the proper timeline, Lily chose James. And then went on to have Harry who survived the Dark Lord's attack. Possibly the only hope anyone had of defeating him. So – assuming it was even possible for her to do so – if she did what seemed at present to be the clearly 'right' thing, if she intervened on Severus's behalf, restored him in Lily's eyes…

Well, it'd be impossible to know what would happen. Harry almost certainly wouldn't exist. Severus himself would at least publicly have to remain a Death Eater – maybe Lily could convince him to secretly collaborate against them; if anyone could, it'd be her. Without Harry, obviously there'd have been no Prophecy – or maybe it'd have meant Neville instead. So either, in theory, anyone could kill the Dark Lord, or Neville could. There'd still be terrible dangers of course, but the timeline would find a way of correcting itself. Probably.

It was just… Harry though. Hermione couldn't imagine what her life would have been like without his friendship, protection, guidance. He was probably the bravest, most loyal friend she'd ever known, and… if Lily didn't choose James, he'd never exist. Either choice, when put that way seemed absolutely horrific.

She'd really have to think this one through carefully. Ideally, she'd want Harry to have been born, but Severus still with the girl he loved in the end. Which currently seemed directly at odds with one another. Maybe there was some way of doing that; there were supposed to be an infinite number of potential timelines after all, some of which would hold that conclusion. Just the … getting there seemed rather difficult.

Though, technically speaking she supposed, even the tiniest actions she'd performed here, all of them had pushed the timeline in slightly different directions. No matter what anyone would have wanted, they already were on a slightly different timeline from the moment she'd first appeared; so, perhaps, some of the rules were already a bit off? Maybe. But that was probably just wishful thinking.

"I meant what I said though." Hermione finally said. "About talking to Lily about this. I think, for right now, it's probably best to give her a bit of time; to think over this. And then when I think she's ready I'll talk to her again. As long as you won't give up on her, I won't either."

"Thank you." Severus nodded, his eyes glistening a bit. It really was close to the best thing anyone had ever done for him. Even after she knew essentially everything that he was doing, had done, Hermione was still willing to try to restore his and Lily's friendship, the one thing that mattered most to him. That was much, much more than he'd have expected from anyone, much less a Gryffindor. Maybe the Sorting Hat had made a mistake, twice…

"Actually," Severus let out a pronounced exhale, reaching down for his book of potions, flipping through it, and pulling out a folded letter. "If you could please just make sure she sees this, when you think the time was right. Don't give it directly to her; she won't take it, I know. Put it in her books or something where she'd happen across it. Just please, if you could do that…"

The letter he'd written over summer break, in the midst of a terrible despair. It'd been mostly cathartic, a not fully successful attempt at releasing his all too present misery. It'd been formulated as a letter to Lily, but he'd never imagined that he'd been able to give it to her – well, maybe if they'd actually sat together on the train it could have worked. But now that that too had fallen through, he thought he'd never have a chance. To give it to her in such a way that she wouldn't know it was from him until she at least started reading it… well, only a Gryffindor would be able to do that practically speaking; and at the time of writing he'd been absolutely sure that they all universally hated him.

Hermione though… he still wasn't fully sure what he thought of her overall. He was still in some ways a bit wary of her, her loyalties and affiliations. But she'd promised to help him here. And for Lily's sake, that was enough for him to trust her.

"I'll do it." Hermione nodded, taking the letter from his hand. "When I think the moment is right, I will."

Lily.

These past few weeks I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. I never imagined just how horrible being stuck here, alone would be. I'm nigh about to go insane, just sitting here, so I'm writing you this letter. One I'll probably never be able to give you in person.

I know you hate me. I know you'll never forgive me. I know all that. I deserve as much. It was a terrible thing I did, truly the worst mistake of my life. And I know you'd probably hate me more if I told you this again, but I really am sorry. I never, ever meant to hurt you, but, I know I did. For that, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself either.

If I could just go back and change it, I would; believe me I would. There's not a single moment in my life that I regret more. I just, want to tell you that I'm sorry; that it's something I'll probably never be able to forgive myself for until the day I die.

Because, even if you hate me now, for what I did, I still could never hate you. I know I have a terrible way of showing it, and I know you won't listen, but I still really do care about you. And if there's anything I can do at all – anything – to convince you that I still do, I'll do it.

Whatever happens, whatever it looks like, you're the only friend worth anything I had. And I recognize that now more than ever. Even if you can't be my friend anymore, thank you for the years we had. And I hope one day I can be your friend again.

If you'd just give me one more chance, I promise I'd never let you down again; or, if not…

Either way, I'm going to do what it takes to keep you safe. Even if you don't understand. Just please know, no matter what else, I'll always be there for you. Even if you hate me in turn. Because your friendship is really all I ever cared about.

If we could please just talk again, even briefly, just so I could maybe show you how sorry I am, that's all I want.

Severus

After giving Hermione the letter, Severus had turned to leave. Unbelievably, though it was faint, there was a slight flicker of hope again. Thanks to about the last source of assistance imaginable. He didn't really know what to say to her beyond a simple thank you, but if what she was saying was actually true, that didn't go anywhere near sufficiently explaining the depth of gratitude he'd have for what she was going to do.

She, perhaps perceiving his thoughts had suggested it best that they return to the dorms to finish homework for the night. No matter what else happened, they both were rather diligent students after all, so they couldn't afford to have their grades drop. It'd been enough of an excuse to allow them to each leave on more or less amicable terms.

Severus himself had barely gotten into the door to the Common Room, however, when he was almost literally rushed by his four room mates. Thankfully they looked rather more pleased than angry, but after the conversation he'd just had, it was still a bit disconcerting.

"You wrote to Lucius, right?" Avery exclaimed, rather excitedly.

"Keep your voice down, you idiot…" Severus sneered, looking around warily. In all honesty, he hadn't yet. He'd been … preoccupied, to say the least; and, he wasn't fully certain what to write. Obviously he'd need to mention Hermione somehow – it'd be far too suspicious if he didn't and Lucius heard tell of her otherwise; but he still wasn't fully sure what he thought about her, and thus how to present her in the letter. It'd have to be something carefully calculated, and he simply hadn't had time.

But, of course, it wasn't as if he could tell them that. There wasn't any real explanation he could give to excuse not having sent Lucius a letter – something he really needed to do as soon as possible now that he thought of it. So instead, he'd opted to merely deflecting the question. True they were in the Slytherin Dormitory. Most everyone would be neutral to sympathetic to their goals in all this. But it still was quite … untactful to carry on like that. Unbefitting of proper Slytherin cunning.

"Well, umm, what he means is…" Mulciber continued, in a somewhat more hushed voice. "Right after you left dinner, the owls came with letters. And there was one for you, from Lucius. So we figured you'd written to him and he was writing back."

"Let me see it." Severus replied rather tersely. Even they probably weren't stupid enough to have opened it; there was a clear hierarchy to things, and making such an affront to a direct liason to the Death Eaters as to intercept his communications would not be taken kindly. But, if by some chance they had – considering the fact that he hadn't written to Lucius yet; that could be rather disastrous.

Mulciber handed him a letter. The familiar Malfoy family seal thankfully still unbroken. Alright, so unless those boneheads were somehow capable of forging the charm responsible, it was still intact. On that end, he was safe. The real issue then would be Lucius's own thoughts. Why was he writing him? To inquire about Severus not having written yet. In hindsight that was … rather bad; potentially quite suspicious. The whole thought of Lucius writing first bode sort of ill, but he really had no one to blame but himself for not initiating things.

Trying to look as neutrally as possible, he walked over to a desk, breaking open the seal. The others, despite their overall excitement, still knew well enough that he was not to be followed.

Severus Snape,

I haven't heard from you in a short while, so I thought it best to write you myself. I hope you are well in health and otherwise. As a member of Hogwarts's Board of Governors now, naturally it falls under my duty to ensure the wellbeing of Hogwarts students, but, much beyond this, because of the connection we seem to have, I'm a bit dismayed not to have yet heard from you.

Especially with all the strange rumors one hears. The other day, I heard from an old friend of mine that some rather odd occurrences have been happening within the school grounds. Particularly a new student that Dumbledore seems to have brought to the school, despite her age and not having attended the school before. While admission of students is of course under the purview of the Headmaster, and I'd never think of stepping beyond the bounds of my own position and challenging him unjustly, this is not a decision that I feel represents the best interests of the school.

Both her purported actions and her appearance itself strike me as deeply suspicious. As a former fellow student, I'd always observed you to be a person of great responsibility and rationality. I ask you then, simply to observe her doings. Be my eyes and ears inside Hogwarts. Make sure all is well, and all that is against the interests of the school be exposed and brought to the light.

Along those lines, I happen to have this coming weekend free, and am thinking of visiting Hogsmeade; I heard tell the Board of Governors approved it as a Hogsmeade trip for the students. If you would have the time, I would very much enjoy meeting up with you and another old friend of mine at the Three Broomsticks. Share a conversation and a few drinks. How does six thirty this coming Friday evening sound? Hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

Lucius Malfoy – Hogwarts Board of Governors

As always, Lucius's letter had been rather adeptly written. On the surface of things, nothing in it was particularly untactful. In the case of its interception, it would merely appear to be Lucius expressing a certain justifiable level of curiosity in what was going on at the school, and his desire to catch up on things with a friend. Nothing incriminating on either of those levels. If anything, he presented himself as simply trying to honor his duty to protect the school.

But on a more prudent level, it was almost a bit threatening. Subtly done, but it was there none the less. Obviously, Lucius had heard about Hermione. From "an old friend" – Severus wasn't sure who he was referring to, but he didn't like the implications of it. Surely it wasn't his four room mates; they'd threatened to write Lucius, but the very fact that they did as much indicated that they hadn't sent a letter to him, and surely they wouldn't have after he explained he was going to write one of his own with a favorable sentiment to them. So who then? Who else in the school kept up correspondence with Lucius, and why…?

Well, obviously he'd soon find out. There were written pretenses of mere suggestion, but Severus knew better. He was being ordered, at least by Lucius – if not from the Dark Lord himself – to meet at the Three Broomsticks – from there on to who knows where. That could be either a rather good or rather bad sign; and from the text, there was no real way of knowing which.

It was definitely a difficult position he found himself in, but… He had to go to the meeting. It was adamant that he maintain his present standing with the Death Eaters at all foreseeable costs; and it was information he needed to know; who else was working with Lucius at Hogwarts. Four days, he supposed, and he'd know.