Angela and I practically inhaled our fourth margarita's down while singing along (not entirely in tune) to the last of Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun', clapping and cheering as we got more and more into the song. I do believe that at one point we may have stood up and busted out a few of our overly cool (yeah right) moves. We had a few of the other patrons looking our way, but hey who cared. This was Angela's night and be damned if I was not going to enjoy it with my friend.

When the workin'
When the workin' day is done
Oh when the workin' day is done
Oh girls, girls just wanna have fun

They just wanna, they just wanna
They just wanna, they just wanna
Oh girls, girls just wanna have fun

(They just wanna, they just wanna)
When the workin'
(They just wanna, they just wanna)
When the workin' day is done
(Girls, girls just wanna have fun)
When the working day is done
Oh girl, girls just wanna have fun

(They just wanna, they just wanna)

We feel back into our chairs laughing. I definitely missed spending time with Angela, and hey I even found that I was missing those quality scowls I always received from Lauren.. but hey the night is still young as they always say.

"soooooooooooo, have any of you girls seen those Quileute boys lately from La Push?" Lauren asked trying to make conversation while throwing a pointed look my way. So much for missing her.

"YEEEEESSSS" Angela practically spat her drink back into her glass "Eric and I went down to La Push the other weekend, you know to scout out some locations for possible wedding photos, and I wasn't really looking for them, but seriously, if you see a group of heavenly gods running around on the beach.. You're going to stare right? Honestly OH. MY. GOD. I nearly had an orgasm on the spot just from watching them" she finished with a suggestive grin and raise eyebrow

"excuse me miss-this-is-my-bachelorette-party" I said raising my eyebrow and giving her my best ghetto impersonation

"OH What!" she said a little shyly as she slapped my arm in a fit of giggles 'you cannot tell me that in all the years that you have been coming to Forks for your summer vacation, you did not notice the gorgeous beasts that always appeared to be attached your hip" she said returning the raised eyebrow at me.

I just shook my head in disbelief. I had definitely noticed the change in the boys the last time I had been home, one in particular to be exact but I wasn't going to let them know that.

"speaking off your little fan club, have you spoken to any of them since you got back?"

I began to feel the all too familiar heat rise on my face, as I noticed all eyes were suddenly on me, it must have peaked Lauren's interest because she involuntarily moved closer into the conversation.

"I.. ahh.. no.. ahh.. really haven't had the chance yet.. soon.. hopefully" I said not meeting anyone's eyes.

"mmm if I were you, and let's face it, I'm definitely glad that I'm not"

… seriously I missed this? What is wrong with me? …

"I would be running to the nearest phone and organising a meeting with those boys.. QUICK"

… Oh no she's got that evil glint in her eye …

"I mean Embry Call, what I would pay to see him move.."

… why is she only looking at me …

"that nicely formed arse of his with mine.."

… oh I get, she wants a reaction…

"or Quil Atera, he has that whole quirky vibe to him that I just find irresistible and sexy.."

… mm. nice try girl, but it ain't working…

"no, no.. The trifecta that is Jacob Black.."

I flinched at the sound of someone saying his name. I looked hoping that she hadn't noticed.

… Fucking great! Of course she noticed and now she knows she has hit a nerve …

"what I wouldn't give to run my tongue down those sightly abs of his.. or have his hands explore my body, rub me up in places no man has ever gone before, have his tongue slide.." she said in a seductively vindictive tone.

I kept my eyes glue to my drink playing with the stem of my glass and tried to tune her voice out. She was trying to get a reaction out of me and believe me I was close to giving her what she wanted.

… NO! Pass it off like it doesn't bother you. Don't antagonise her more.. remember you earlier mantra, say it with me now. This is Angela's night, have fun. Again. This is Angela's night, have fun. Once more for good luck. This is Angela's night, have fun…

Thankfully I missed whatever she was finishing that sentence off with.

I slowly raised my head and looked her straight in the eye giving her a cute little smile. Noticing the change in my demeanour and clicking on that I worked out what she was up too, Lauren returned to her drink, and along with everyone else, we took in the next performer to grace the stage.

Watch out!

I see you on the street and you walk on by
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry
If you gave me half a chance you'd see
My desire burning inside of me
But you choose to look the other way
I've had to work much harder than this
For something I want don't try to resist me

As the perfectly tuned pitch to Madonna's 'Open You Heart' began I couldn't help but reminisce back to the last time that I had seen Jacob Black. He had followed me down to the beach in La Push on my last day of summer vacation, a little over a year ago.

** FLASHBACK **

Jacobs lips. Jacob Black's lips. Jacob Black's lips were on mine. We were fighting for dominance. Trying to convey what we were feeling to the other person. I was nervous, I mean this was Jacob my best friend, and I didn't want to ruin what we had, but at the same time I was excited. Excited at the possibility of what could come.

I was enthralled with this man. His lips were like heaven and even thought he was trying to fight me for superiority, they moulded perfectly with mine. So soft and welcoming making me feel like I was where I was supposed to be. that fate had decided in this moment, I was meant to be standing on this beach with Jacob, and we were meant to be kissing as if this would be our first and last kiss ever, like there was no tomorrow. But strange of all, it made me feel like I was home.

Just as I was about to give in and just enjoy the wonderful being in front of me I felt him relinquish control. I had my hand resting at the base of his neck pulling him closer to me, making sure that I never broke contact with his lips, the other one sliding up and down his chest. I could feel his impressive abs underneath the oil covered top that was currently separating his body from full view of me. I was enthralled in each contour of his muscles. Tracing my fingertips along the outline of each ripple, I had an urge to have skin on skin contact, slowly reaching underneath the bottom of his shirt I took a chance and looked up at his face. He was watching me intently, taking a deep breath I began to slide my hand up underneath his shirt, my fingers tracing his torso, exploring every little contour that was available to me. I noticed that he trembled slightly from my touch. I smiled to myself proud that I could get such a reach from such a simple act.

My hand reached his shoulder, lingering as i fought with my inner voice over how far I was willing to take this. I was virgin by choice, sure there had been offers and opportunities, but I wanted my first time to be with someone special to me, someone that held meaning in my life, my own personal sun if you will. I came back to reality, realising that I had stopped roaming my hand and it was sitting atop of his shoulder, I had never done this before, so acting on instinct I quickly pulled my hand down to the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, God damn I could get used to the sight of Jacob without any shirt.. not scratch that.. without any clothes on. I had to touch him. Anywhere. I didn't care. I latched onto his juicy lips.. trying to claim as much of him as I could.

But he was having none of it, kissing me back more passionately, his hands roaming over my body, the warm touch sending tingles into places I never knew I could get them. Before I knew it, his hands were at the hem of my top, hovering as if he was waiting for my permission, I nodded my head, giving him the silent permission he was waiting for.. that I was waiting for.. wasn't I.. Oh god I definitely need to get my head back into the now and happening. Jesus Christ.. I was brought out of my inner monologue as he began to move his hands up my torso, feeling my abs, reaching up further only stopping when his fingers skimmed the fabric of my bra, his thumb sliding below the material to softly glaze over my now erect nipples. I couldn't stop the moan from escaping my mouth, lifting my head slightly, he got the idea of where I was headed with this. His lips began to swiftly make butterfly kisses down my jaw line, dipping so that he was kissing along my neck. In one quick moment, my top was being lifted over my head and discarded somewhere along the beach.

Jacob pulled back from me, taking the sight of everything in. his eyes flicking over every curve, bump, imperfection of my body.. I quickly started to feel very self-conscious as I watched his eyes roam over my body, I don't know how, but in that moment, I felt downright dead sexy. He found my lips again, beginning to slowly but surely push me gently backwards onto the sand, his drool worthy body hovering over the top of mine. The need for my hands to be ubiquitously anywhere I could reach began to take over, the kiss growing deeper as his hands slid further down exploring my body. He slid his calloused fingers up over my ample breasts, finding my now hard and erect nipples again, tracing small circles before descending his hand further down, tracing my pathetic excuse for abs, hovering there for a moment before stopping at the top of my jeans. He ran his hand back and forth across her abdomen confusing me for a moment as to what he was doing. Moving his hand to the waistband of my jeans, it dawned on me that he was waiting for permission. Permission to move our relationship beyond the realm of friends, best friends out that, to something more intimate. Something possibly life changing. I saw him lift his head, our faces inches apart, in that moment, I gave in completely, giving him the silent confirmation he was waiting for.

"Bella, I love you' he breathlessly said finding my lips again. He began to make slow work of unbuttoning my jeans. He released the first button from its secure loop, then the second. He was making his way for the third, when all of a sudden my brain decided to make an appearance.

"I can't do this... Oh my god... I am so sorry... I... I.. can't do this... Not now..." I said, pushing him off me, scrambling around to try and retrieve my top. Find it laying a few feet away where it must have been thrown in our haste, I rush to snatch it up, throwing it over my head.

"Jake..." I began in way of an apology, doing the buttons on jeans "I'm sorry, but I have to go" I mumbled, not being able to say anything else with so many contradicting thoughts racing through my head. With one last glance in Jacob's direction, I all but practically bolted down the stone path that lead back to Jacob's house and the sanctuary that was my truck.

I got to my truck , hand resting on the handle. My heart and my head arguing with each other. My heart telling me turn the fuck around, run back down to that beach where I am sure a stunned , confused and angry Jacob was still standing, beg for forgiveness and finish what we started. My head on the other hand was telling me to jump in my ancient truck and make an escape. My heading winning out in the end, I got in started the engine and began the journey back to Forks. Wanting nothing more than to get home and crawl under my covers and hide until morning.

"how could you be so stupid!" I yelled at myself, hitting my fist on the steering wheel. "did you learn nothing from what you went through when you were younger" I continued.

"Seriously Bella, did you actually think that was going to end well? You live in completely different states. FUCK!" I continued arguing with myself, running a hand through my hair as I began my descent down my street, turning into the driving and parking my truck under the old oak tree in our front yard. Taking a quick look around I notice that Charlie's cruiser isn't anywhere in sight. Thank god. I can make it inside to my room without having to play 20 questions and cry myself to sleep like I planned.

I sat in the cab for a moment trying to make sense of what I had just done, the relationship I had no doubt I just ruined and.. wait a minute was I was shaking, when did that happen, jeez it's not just a nervous shake, my hands were shaking like a oncoming earthquake. Damn it Bella get a hold of yourself. I lowered my head to the steering wheel to try and calm myself.

"deep breaths, just take deep breaths, Jake doesn't hate you, you wanted this to happen, hell you encouraged it to happen, even gave him permission. It's not really that bad"

YEAH RIGHT

I was so focused on getting myself under control, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard light tapping on the window. I sat there shocked looking back at Jacob. How the hell did he get here so quick. I made a move to grab the door handle and open the door, but Jacob beat me too it, opening just enough so that I couldn't run past him, but taking a step back to give myself a bit of breathing room. I was stuck as to what I should do. I looked from where I was sitting, to the front door of the house, to Jacob. Calculating if I had the speed and co ordination to get to the front door without making a bigger fool of myself.

"Bella.. Please let me explain.." Jacob begged, brining me out of my daze. I took a chance and looked up at him, regretting the decision seeing what I thought was anger written all over it, I had to look anywhere but at his face. My chosen destination… the ground.

"Bella.. Please look at me.. Please" he pleaded, I was frozen to my seat.

"I am so sorry... I should never have let things get that far.."

..but I wanted them too..

" I never meant to take advantage of you that way, I don't know what I can do to make up for it"

.. Tell me that everything will be alright, that we are different..

"Bella.. I apologise for letting things go that far. But.. I'm sorry.. I am not going to apologise for kissing you"

.. good. KISS ME AGAIN THEN..

When he made no move to do just that, I came to the realization just how big of an idiot I was, I couldn't take much more of this. I moved to put my head in my hands when Jacob yelling my name bought me out of my inner monologue.

" BELLA" he yelled "... please look at me, I need to know that we are okay, that I haven't stuffed things up by what I.." ..Oh the guilt.. " ..what we did back there!"

..how in the world could he possibly think that this was his fault, that he ruined our friendship?..

" Please tell me that you don't hate me for loving you.."

.. LOVE! Did he just say he loved me?..

".. Because if that is the case I will stop, right now. We can go back to being just friends. Nothing more. Please. I can't lose you"

.. yep that the red light to say 'IDIOT!, tell him that you love him, that there is something always pulling you here, that there is, couldn't be anyone else. Why can't you just do that?..

I tried to pluck up the courage to say anything I could to right this situation. I lifted my face to see him staring back at me, waiting for my answer, but no words would form in my mouth. I simply couldn't roll even the simplest of words of my tongue.

I lifted my hand to his face resting it softly on his cheek.

.. your going to get hurt just like your parents.. you can't possibly have a happy ending given what you grew up in..

And just like that, my reality of everything came rushing back. I needed to get away from him, away from everything. I needed time to think. With that, I jumped from the cab, slammed the door shut and ran for the safety of the house, stopping at the front door when I heard his final plea..

"Bella.."

I turned to look at him, but I simply couldn't answer.

"Sorry Jake.. I can't" was all I could say before I opened and shut the front door. Locking it behind me and sliding down to the ground. With my back against the wall, I finally let the angry tears that I had been trying so desperately to keep in since the beach fall down my frozen cheek.

I, Isabella Swan, have just royally fucked up the best thing that could have possibly happened to me.

** End of Flashback**

Jacob and I had only spoken once after that day. He had called to let me know that I had left some stuff at his house and if I wanted them back. After asking him to leave them at Charlie's he ended the phone call, and I cried the remainder of my day. Re-living the day I lost my one true love.

It took me a long time to learn to live with what I had done, the stupid mistakes I had made. It hurt, to think that I would never be able to tell Jacob that ever since I left Forks that summer, I had felt.. off. There was this weird tightening in my chest. Like something.. something big and amazing was missing from my life.

I decided that right then and there I was going to change that. I no longer wanted that feeling, the emptiness, pity to be there. Instead I wanted the fun, imagination, spontaneity, passion back in my life. Hell I wanted to make love for the first time with the one person who was made to spend the rest of their life with me. To do that, I had to find someway to make things up to Jacob.

I was brought out of my reverie when someone started drunkenly screaming my name.

"Bellllllllllllllllllllllaaaaa" Angela slurred " I wannnnnnaaaa singgggg" she continued in a sing song voice.

Uh oh.. I can see where this is headed and it is not going to end well..

"Belllllllllllllllllllllla, please oh pretty please… siiiiiing for me bbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiatch" she joked punching me lightly on the shoulder. When I gave her my best 'yeah right' look, she decided to pull out the big guns. Her god damn puppy dog eyes. She knew I could never turn them down.

After a minute or two of fluttering her eyes at me I gave in..

'Fine WE can sing.. ONE.. song" I said emphasizing the word one, holding my finger up.

"how about..mmm… Poker face by Lady Gaga, or we could do Womaniser by Britney.. Umbrella by Rihanna.." I suggested

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I want you to sing one of your songs!" Angela interrupted, with a sly smirk..

Great.

Hey guys,

Sorry this chap has taken so long. Got a bad case of writers block, but I'm hoping to update weekly. Please read and review. Let me know if your enjoying it, If it's worth continuing. I know I need that little boost to my self esteem.

Anyway, til next week.

Peace Out

xx