A/N: hey all! Here's the long awaited, eagerly anticipated chapter five of n1f! What can I say? Life is busy, amount of time for writing is small, and both 4persephone and I are too inspired and too impatient to actually finish a story before starting five more. :P Don't worry though. Despite the time between updates, we're definitely committed to getting this baby finished.

We'd love to hear back from all of you, so get to reading already! ;)

Pepper had provided Tony lots of food for thought during their last online discussion: not the least of which is the realization that perhaps he has not really been using his secret intelligence to its best effect so far. While he does feel like starting to see the whole of her personality thanks to their online communications, at the same time he's also realizing he doesn't know vast tracts of her at all. If Pepper Potts is a continent he's seen less than half of her scope. Ironic as it is to admit, she's unintentionally been demonstrating her advice on being attractive for Turbo – by being both the tough guy (or woman in this case) and the good guy simultaneously. It's a bewildering balance, and trying to figure out the actual balance between Pepper and Fanny in any situation is starting to give him serious headaches.

As a result when Saturday morning rolls around, he's sleepless from a night that's been spent primarily thinking about Pepper. He's also restless because it's becoming more and more frustrating not being able to just talk to her honestly about everything instead of having to resort to subterfuge. He wants to come clean more than ever today – perhaps spurred by her talk of throwing out her writer's cap – but he's hesitant to do so because he's not sure Pepper is ready for him to do so.

Clearly Pepper is trying to work out their relationship on her terms - which makes sense on a basic level, but at the moment she's not doing her processing in a box and as a result he can also feel the tension point she's dragging them both toward. It's making him very nervous because now that he has some insight into how she thinks - and what she is and isn't to act on - he's worried that she might not act at all as a result. Or worse yet she could back peddle…hell she's started doing that already.

If that happens then all the forward momentum they've achieved in the last few weeks might be lost and they'll have to start all over. Again.

Frankly, he's not sure he can take the anxiety of teetering on this tight rope indefinitely.

And so, resigned, he rises from his bed with a grumble. Giving up on any chance at dozing off again, and heads first for the master closet for his swim trunks and a shirt. Then he makes his way down to the mansion's private beach with a surfboard under his arm.

He needs the release of physical activity. (And no not 'that' kind!) If he can't do anything else about the mess his life is in at the moment, then at least he can lose himself for awhile in mindless exertion. Luckily the water's beautiful and the waves are as nice as he's ever seen this time of year. It's far easier than he realizes to lose track of time once he let's his mind blank and his body give way to muscle memory.

He stays on the surfboard longer than he realizes, until the sun is high in the sky and his exposed skin is starting to sting just slightly. It's at that point he catches a glimpse of a figure waving at him from the beach.

For a moment Tony's heart leaps in his chest at the sight, before he recognizes the figure as Rhodey, and then he's relieved and disappointed at the same time. He catches one last wave and lets the momentum carry him back to shore. Shaking his head like a dog as he exits the surf, he teasingly sprinkles water in Rhodey's general direction.

"Not cool, Man," Rhodes snipes automatically, taking a precautionary step back. "Seriously, Stark, respect the uniform."

"If you didn't want to get your uniform dirty, then you shouldn't have come down here." Tony brushes his hair out of his face and grabs his board. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Platypus?"

Rhodes' look is bemused. "I should have known you'd forget. Breakfast today, remember? Frankos? All you can eat buffet?"

"Oh. Right. Got distracted." It's not exactly a news flash, and he ignores the way Rhodey rolls his eyes as they start the climb back up towards the house. "Do you want to go out still, or should we just find something here?"

"Let me think. Go out and get food while I still have more than half the day off, or suffer the terror that is your cooking. That's a tough one. Really it is."

Tony scowls a little. "I've got cereal and non-cook stuff in the pantry."

Rhodes snorts aloud. "Not all of us consider six boxes of Cocoa Puffs acceptable breakfast food, Tony. You shouldn't either if you ever want to maintain any muscle mass. Or has that suit of yours replaced your need for brute strength?"

"I don't know why I put up with you," Tony grumbles as he deposits his board in the garage - it could use a little care later today - and continues through the house. "Look…Give me fifteen minutes. I really need a shower and shave before I let you drag me out of the batcave."

"I'll be playing Grand Theft Auto in the shop," Rhodes replies amicably. He plops on the couch in front of the entertainment center while Tony goes off in search of clean clothes and hot water.

Tony reappears fifteen minutes later, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and a ratty pair of Converse. "Hey man, I'm set."

Rhodes raises an eyebrow, taking in Tony's more casual than normal garb, then nods. "All right. I'm driving."

"If you want to call what you do driving," Tony cracks, slipping on his shades though he doesn't give any other protest.

Rhodes comes to a dead stop, eyebrow raising, "What …not even a fight? Unless…" His eyes narrow as he tilts his head "Something you need to confess to the rest of us, Stark…?"

"Us? What - do you have multiple personality syndrome now? Please tell me they're not all as boring and straight laced as the original." Tony side steps the question, hoping that the familiar mockery will be enough to move things along.

"Yeah right." Rhodes shoots back. "Like the world needs more than one of the perfect specimen that is me."

"You got that half right."

The reply had been only half aware. Rhodes falls silent, studying the smaller man curiously. Tony though, continues to be evasive. He can't talk to Rhodey about Pepper without swearing him to silence which has two possible outcomes. The first being that Rhodey will refuse, because he knows Tony too well, or secondly he'll agree and then he'll be so uncomfortable and sullen around Pepper that she'll be pestering him next about what's wrong.

Of course, swearing him to silence is probably the best way to get Rhodey to drop it.

"Okay, fine. I'll tell you, but first you have to swear you won't tell Pepper."

"Dun dun dun." Rhodes replies mock ominously. "I'd rather put up with you in a sulk than Pepper when she's pissed off.

"The point of swearing you to silence is to keep Pepper from getting pissed," Tony replies, shaking his head, as if Rhodey's even more hopeless than he is.

"Does Pepper deserve to be pissed?" Rhodes finally ventures the question. Of course he probably already knows the answer. They both know full well that Pepper Potts is one of the few people in the world truly capable of making Tony Stark feel genuinely guilty. And considering how much and how often she forgives Tony Stark his normal laundry list of sins, whatever stain he's trying to conceal must be pretty damn bad.

"You're the one who said it. Not me. You know what, just forget get it. Now are we going to go and actually grab some breakfast like you wanted, or are we gonna keep standing here yakking like a couple of teenage girls?"

"I don't know...if we stay will there be nail polish and Zac Efron?" Rhodes unlocks the car automatically.

"Not the latter while I still breathe. You'd look good in pink, though."

"I always thought mauve was more my color, actually..."

"Why do you even know a word like 'mauve'?" Tony demands as he climbs into the car and reaches for his seat belt.

"I was the only boy born amongst seven girl cousins." Rhodes shudders in apparent post traumatic memory

"And what? They ganged up on you, held you down, and painted your toe nails?" The image is actually enough to make Tony snort. He's known Rhodey long enough to have a pretty good idea of the kind of bean pole kid he probably used to be.

"Worse. They offered me pixie sticks to let them do it. At age seven I was addicted and willing to sacrifice my woman haters he-man card for a handful of those things."

"And they say weed is a gateway drug." Tony relaxes a bit in his seat because he figures he's gotten them enough off topic that Rhodey will have a hard time working things back to Pepper.

Rhodey grins as he turns over the engine.

Five minutes later they're nearly to their favorite breakfast restaurant, a mom and pop place that Tony had dragged him to one memorable Spring Break and that had become an almost monthly stop in the intervening years. "So..." Rhodes says after a moment. The word is more than leading.

"Sorry, but if you want the latest gossip you're going to have to hit up Jarvis. Or was there a specific inquiry hidden somewhere in that syllable?" Tony fiddles with the zipper on his jacket, hands wishing for some sort of occupation. Did he remember to bring his phone? He finds it in a pocket and relaxes a little.

"Com'on, Stark. Is telling me what's got your shorts in a knot really gonna be worse than sitting there like a nervous cat...?"

Tony shrugs. He honestly doesn't have enough experience to come to any sort of conclusion. He's not entirely certain that the colonel won't ream him out for this whole mess with Pepper, even if he only reveals the botched kiss and the awkwardness that'd been between them the next day.

After all, he's Tony Stark. That probably means it's all his fault. Whatever "it" is.

He chews his lip a moment then, "Fine. Friday. Things got...awkward...with Pepper."

"I knew it!" Rhodes sounds...disappointed?...as they pull up in front of the diner. He puts the car in park. "What'd you do?"

"I was perfect gentleman, for the record. Not that kind of gentleman," he corrects as Rhodes makes a face. This has nothing to do with being an attentive lover...though it absolutely does at the same time. "Look, I was bored, so Pepper and I played Monopoly on Thursday night - she's a total robber baron by the way – she'd had too many beers to drive home, so I convinced her to stay over. It's not a big deal," he mutters. "And I was a gentleman."

"And how exactly does any of this equate to things being 'awkward?'

"Shetriedtokissme." The admission comes out with the words all jammed together, but still (relatively) understandable.

Rhodes studies him pretty intently for close to a minute, or at least that's what Tony thinks his friend is doing. He can't be certain since he doesn't look in his direction. He – Tony Stark, lover of many and most of it on public record – can feel the heat of embarrassment warming cheeks already pink from hours of surfing.

"Pepper tried to kiss you, or you think Pepper tried to kiss you?"

Rhodey's tone makes Tony's temper flare. "Why do you have to say it like that?" he demands, trying to keep his irritation with his friend under control. "I think I should know what it looks like when a woman tries to kiss me."

Rhodes holds both hands up off the wheel in brief surrender. "Just wondering. I mean, I assume she wasn't the only one drinking at the time."

Tony makes a face. "I'd had a beer," he admits. "Maybe two. But I was sober enough to see it coming and know what it was and turn my head...again, trying to be a gentleman."

"She tried to kiss you and you turned your head to stop her?" Rhodes' voice is frankly disbelieving.

"What?"

"Nothing...it's just...well frankly, Tony, it's a little surprising given the way you've been slavering all over her for months."

"Slavering?"

"And orbiting in circles like Taz," Rhodey continues helpfully.

Tony rolls his eyes and waits for Rhodes to pull into a parking spot and turn of the engine before he gets out of the car, needing to move to burn off his rapidly growing irritation.

"Thank you very much for once again completely underestimating me," he says, as soon as Rhodes gets out as well. "Pepper's… different. You know she is. I know she is. If I'd let just let her jump me last night, it wouldn't have mattered what she'd wanted at the time. What she would have left with was the impression that she was no different than all the rest." He plows his hands through his hair and kicks a piece of gravel across the parking lot, hitting the tire of another car. "As it is even the attempt freaked her out. She wouldn't even talk about it with me yesterday, so I haven't had the chance to explain myself. If I'd known being a gentleman would hurt her feelings, I would have..." He doesn't know what he would have done, honestly.

"Damn," Rhodes mutters.

"What?" Tony grumbles, getting tired of sounding like a broken record.

"Just...damn." Rhodes eyes are a little too knowing all of a sudden, as he repeats his summation. "I didn't realize…"

"Realize what…?"

"It was like that."

"You're real helpful, you know that?" Tony's voice is on the edge of caustic.

"Doctor Phil I'm not... Look. I'm gonna need some time to process all this info before I can come up with something useful to tell you."

"You need time," Tony parrots back the Colonel's words more than a little ironically.

"You...I…." Rhodey shake his head, and then his hand comes out to clap down on his shoulder for a moment is what passes for his sappy gesture of masculine support. "I know this isn't probably very comforting to hear at this point, but if it makes you feel any better…that was probably the right move."

"You're right. It's not. Probably?"

"Definitely. Though it may be hard to do clean up depending on how hard Pepper took the rejection."

"It wasn't a reject–"

"Yeah well I wouldn't count on her seeing it that way. She knows your reputation and may not get yet why exactly you didn't live down to it."

"Touching. Is it so shocking I might be a decent human being?" Rhodey's words line up so perfectly with Pepper's...Fanny's...tone the night before that Tony finds himself losing the battle against sinking into the depression that usually accompanies his "technogenius" plans whenever they run up against a brick wall. The only difference is that with the inventions, he always knows that sooner or later the math will work out. But Pepper? Despite her hinting at it the night before, she still hasn't tried to contact him. That silence probably spoke pretty eloquently of his chances - their chance? - at the moment.

"I wonder how much it'd cost me... " he finally grumbles, more to himself than for Rhodey's benefit.

"Cost?"

"Never mind." He wants to know what it will cost to find one person who sees me the person and not an obnoxious oversized brain on a stick. Though actually, he knows exactly what it'll cost. Silence. All he has to do is keep his mouth shut and he can have Fanny. Not Pepper, but Fanny. On some levels the idea's so tempting it's actually depressing. Prior to recently he'd never even noticed this isolationist shit.

Tony shrugs, doing his best to shrug off his mood as well. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen, and he'll face it then. Right now he's probably going to better off getting some breakfast and bringing his blood sugar above sea level. Then he can worry about Pepper and Fanny and Turbo and how this is all going to work out.

"Come'on," Tony finally says. "Enough talking for now. I'm starving."

Friday night, before going to bed, Pepper swore to herself that she would call Tony the next day and apologize for her behavior. So, Monday afternoon, after suffering through several stilted, awkward exchanges with her boss, she knows she has no one to blame but herself for not following through on that promise. There's also one else to blame but herself for the elephant now trying to look inconspicuous in the corner of the room.

"Stupid," she murmurs to herself as she goes down the steps. She is a stupid, cowardly fool.

She'd tried. She really had. Had picked up the phone several times only to put it back down again the moment she heard the dial tone. Then she'd given up and spent the rest of the weekend taking a mental holiday.

Her brain had been exhausted, and trying to write would have only further raked it over the coals instead of providing solace. She can't say when it'd happened, but her reasons for writing have changed over time, morphing from an emotional outlet to a way of asking questions she can't bear to have answered. She's no longer writing as a method to cope with the fear when Tony goes out in the suit. She's writing to try and explain their relationship to herself...and it's not helping.

'Coward.' That word again. Also 'pretender.'

She's been writing her feelings and emotions down certainly, and sharing bits and pieces of the Tony she knows. But she's not writing him, really - just bantering with a two dimensional parody. The Tony she's showing cyberspace is no more the real Tony Stark than the guise he shows the media is.

Anthony Edward Stark - her boss and sometimes-maybe-best friend - still manages to escape her ability to define satisfactorily.

He's doing things… Monopoly? Writing Haiku? Buying her tea because he knows she likes it? Chatting online for the company but not the sex…?

She's becoming more and more hopelessly entangled in the ways she doesn't know him.

Pepper finds herself hesitating on the last step to the basement. Tony's right where she left him earlier this morning - back to the glass wall, 3D blueprints spinning in front of him. His posture - slouched in his chair, legs sprawled, chin propped in his hand - indicates that he's made no progress on them since the last time she interrupted his solitude.

Swallowing hard, she opens the door, his music - harsher and more discordant than usual - dials back as she steps inside. She can see his shoulders twitch at the interruption, but he doesn't stir himself enough to complain.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Stark, but -"

"Not today, Pepper. I can't take any more today." His voice isn't condemning – just matter of fact. Something squeezes tight in her chest.

"Take…?"

"Bullcrap formality. We both know that you know my name."

"I..." She hates the way she starts talking even though she has no clue what to say. "Just being professional…" What she means, what she thinks she means, is those are their roles. He's Mr. Stark, inventor, businessman and genius. She's Ms. Potts, fashionable, eminently practical girl Friday. "I mean that's who you are…"

The look he gives her is dark and full of things she can't name. "Really? Because I think that's who I was until we changed – and you, now you don't know what to say because you don't know who or what the hell I…no…we are to each other any more."

Her jaw nearly hits the floor as she just stares at him, speechless with shock. Tony doesn't say these sort of things. Well except in her stories.

He gestures between them with sharp, forceful motions. "Can you really tell me this is working? 'Cause you look pretty damn miserable and I'm all but hiding in my damn basement. Am I just tilting at windmills…?" He grimaces as he cuts himself off. She watches as he takes several deep breaths before starting again. "I can be patient, you know. But there's limits."

"I know?" It's a question, not a confirmation. In fact, Pepper does not know that Tony can be patient. Out of his many sterling qualities, patience is not exactly atop the list. Whatever drives him typically never lets up enough for him to even attempt that particular virtue.

He snorts softly. "I had the plans in my head for almost a decade before I had to build my suit, Pep."

Pepper blinks, not entirely comprehending the course of this whole conversation.

"What I'm saying is I get waiting sometimes…when it's something important, yes. When it's something you can't just redo only an idiot doesn't take the time to build it right."

She stares again, scared by the fact that she's starting to understand.

"I can be patient," he repeats, as if just saying it makes it true, "when it counts. And I know I have a lot to make up for, a lot of clean up to do. So if you need time, if waiting is the only way you're going to stop trying to pinch yourself out of this dream where I've decided to start acting like a responsible human being, then take it. But you don't get to shut me out like that again because like it or not, I am still one half of this relationship." He says it like a challenge, then mutters almost too quietly for her to catch, "Whatever the hell it actually is."

"I..." Damnit it, when is she going to regain the ability to finish a lucid sentence?

"I assume that those need signing?" He gestures to the clipboard in her hand, apparently ending his impromptu rant.

She glances down almost woodenly. Yeah, she is holding on to a bunch of file folders, all neatly organized and clearly marked where his signature is necessary. Very tidy. Easy to file away later. Something this conversation - had she participated enough for it to be a conversation? - isn't.

Tony's eyes track her as she steps forward to hand them off. He looks...well, he's got the "problem child" look on his face again. Any time an invention isn't going the way he wants, she calls it his problem child. Pepper really doesn't like that he's looking at her that way.

"It wasn't a rejection, you know," he says quietly as she steps away after handing him the documents. His voice is no longer so forceful. "The other night wasn't me blowing you off."

"What else do you call it?" Her voice is quiet as she forces out the question.

His is too as he scribbles his signature several times in rapid succession. "Oh I don't know…how about not taking advantage. Or giving us a chance to have a first kiss you won't regret?" He glances up at her after scribbling another quickfire signature. "It may come as a shock that I tried to be a nice guy – but had I Jarvis check and its not a sign of the apocalypse. You're the one who's always urging me to be cautious. Punishing me for taking your advice by treating me like a minion isn't the best way to encourage the habit."

The silence and the tension drag out unbearably until Pepper works up enough courage to murmur, "You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so..." She trails off

"Me Timmy, you Lassie?" Though the words are a little harsh there's also humor in the way Tony waggles his brows.

Now that he's had a chance to speak, the cloud around him seems to be lifting, at least a little. He still looks tired, and there's a seriousness behind the light humor in his eyes. His honesty pulls at her though, demanding some sort of acknowledgement beyond stammered apologies.

Pepper accepts the papers back, then stares down at them for several seconds before clearing her throat. "I..." She clears it again, then forces the words out. "Sometimes you freak me out. You're dangerous, Tony." She thinks she's probably one of the only people in America to think that. Sure, others intellectually acknowledge that he can build dangerous things. But knowing isn't the same thing as the emotions that sometimes sink in her belly like a rock when she's around him. He is simultaneously the safest and the most dangerous thing in her world. "I honestly don't know what to do with you sometimes…."

Now that he's had the chance to communicate his own frustration with her, Tony finds that he can be surprised by her admission about what's been driving her actions. Out of all the reasons she had for keeping them in this holding pattern, he'd never imagined that her feeling threatened was one of them.

It stings a little. Sure, she's a smart woman and was probably justified of being wary about what kind of damage he could do inside the context of a relationship, and he knows she hates the disruption of her routines, even if the disruption had the potential to lead to something fantastic.

Still to actually feeling truly threatened? By him?

He reminds himself even if it stings to hear that, he really has no logical reason to expect her to have much faith in either him or his intentions. At a loss for anything else to say – for any other way to react – he falls back on their old standbys: humor and innuendo "Well maybe if I can make a suggestion –"

"No," she replies, just as she's shot down a thousand baseless offers in the past. Except the offers aren't so baseless anymore, and he's starting to really understand that neither are her rejections.

His lips quirk. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Though for the record it's kind of nice to know that now you know exactly how I feel about you."

The way Pepper's eyes widen a little tells him he's not the only one capable of being caught off guard. One eyebrow climbs her forehead. "I'm not dangerous, Tony…"

"Yeah you are," he interrupts, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest. He has to get up and start moving, in any direction but towards her because he's about to lay out his hand again and the last time he did she threw his mistakes back in his face for his trouble. "That's exactly what you are. The last one, the only one, the first one, take your pick. But I've never have just one of anything, Pepper. Because that means when it's gone, it's...irreplaceable."

It's the kind of admission Turbo would make, and Tony wonders if Fanny will pick up the ball and reply with actual thoughtfulness, or if Pepper, already overloaded and in shock, is simply going to retreat.

"I...I..." Without the aid of a keyboard, Pepper seems almost as poor at expressing her thoughts as he feels at the moment. It's a bittersweet kind of irony.

He sighs a little. "Again, for the record - I can't promise I won't ever fuck things up between us more than I already have, Potts. But if I do, it won't be on purpose. It matters and it wasn't rejection."

She nods, the jerky up and down motion a long way from her usual grace. "I... People are waiting for these..." She glances towards the door, then turns her eyes back to him. "Tony..."

He can hear the plea in her voice, and he nods in return, gesturing somewhat wearily towards the door. They're probably both feeling a little sandblasted at the moment, their emotions raw and on edge.

She's almost out the door before Tony stops her with one last confession. "If you sneak out the door without saying goodbye tonight, Potts, I'm going to take it personally."

She nods jerkily at that, then quickly climbs the stairs.

"Shit shit shit." Saying the words doesn't really change anything, but it makes her feel a whole lot better at least, and at the moment she'll take it. Ten minutes up from the basement, and her hands are still shaking a little

Because Tony had…he'd…

When the hell had Mr. Candid become so…metaphoric in stating things?

'Haiku,' her annoying inner narrator immediately supplies. He'd told her he was writing poetry. He'd also indicated it was supremely bad...but his genius can be dangerously versatile. Techgeeks aren't supposed to be so dangerously glib for example. Maybe she shouldn't trust his opinion.

He'd certainly gotten his point across effectively.

She wants to blame her shock on his sudden eloquence, and not on the emotional honesty that'd driven him to speak up in the first place. Honesty and hurt. Hurt had definitely been the primary emotion expressed when she'd first gone downstairs, and it'd made another more bittersweet appearance at the end when he'd requested that she not leave the house anonymously.

When he'd made it clear she had the power to hurt him.

It was a startling thought to have. Tony was so good at feigning enthusiasm, after all - at working his feelings out in the shop and leaving them there. He's the master of 'deflect and absorb' as an emotional gambit. She truly hadn't realized that her behavior last Friday had done that kind of damage. 'I mean, he said it himself. His show of restraint was in accordance with what he thought I wanted.'

She takes a seat on the couch and rubs her hands against her thighs. It's been a long time since Tony has unsettled her this badly. Sometimes she thinks that's because she's seen everything he has to throw at her. And times like this she thinks it's because he's shown her nothing at all that actually matters...

'And the less you understand him the harder it is to control him' the soft voice injects all but mercilessly.

It's true. Since the day he hired her, she's essentially been in control of their relationship. Yes, there's been times when he's talked her into things against her better judgment, times he's guilted her into bending the rules for him, times he's given her outright orders she's disagreed with. But that's always been about work and never been personal.

Except for the last few months she's been in complete control of their personal dynamics because Tony has never been serious enough to really participate in their relationship.

That just wasn't the case, anymore.

Post-Afghanistan Tony is still an idiot a lot of the time, but he is also better at reading people than she's really ever grasped. He's growing emotionally at an astonishing rate, and it's really time that she starts viewing him as a (mostly) functioning adult instead of someone who has to be guided through every step. Yes, he's fumbling and making things up as he goes along, but that's just Tony, and she uncertain that any amount of growth is ever going to totally erase that from his makeup.

Pepper lets out a shaky breath as she rubs her palms along her thighs, trying to steady herself. She's been telling herself for years that she's been waiting for this day, but now that it's here she doesn't know what to do with it any more than she had when she'd seen the first spark that morning of the disastrous press conference.

How can she explain - if she can explain without sounding insulting - that she needs time to figure out how deal with how much he's changed. Hell, does he even get that he has changed? At least in her eyes.

And for that matter, does he get why he'd been rejected? Pepper turns her head slowly and looks at her laptop. Just looks at it. Clearly she sucks at vocalizing things today. No, not just today. To be honest, she sucks at speaking honestly to Tony any time he gets serious on her. It happens so rarely. What would happen if...

If she's been writing to work out her relationship with Tony, then isn't it time he actually see part of that?

She almost dismisses the thought out of hand. It's ridiculous after all. She does not need to be writing her boss love letters and her heart is racing at just the thought and...

She's just not that brave.

'It doesn't have to be mushy to be honest.' That same voice, quietly, insistently. 'He tried to verbalize his feelings for you...this is just returning the favor.'

If he'd been hurt by her distancing methods, could she at least explain a bit of the why of her initial rejection?

Tony cared for her. More than she'd ever heard him admit to caring for anyone. The problem was she was starting to grasp that only now, months after he'd haphazardly tried to shift her into the role of his 'girlfriend.' But did he grasp - even now- the massive potholes he left dotting the road between his words and his apparent intent?

He'd said that the other night hadn't been a rejection, had instead been his decision to wait. Would he understand if she told him the same story, the same decision, just from months before?

It's still a ludicrous idea, and Pepper's heart is still racing in her throat, but she reaches for her laptop anyway and brings up a new Word document.

Two hours later, Pepper finishes her story, satisfied that it is at least as honest as she can make it even if it is perhaps not as polished. Hell, perhaps the roughness will make it more real when he reads through it.

She prints it, tucks it inside a file folder, and hesitantly makes her way back downstairs. It's early for her to leave, but she doesn't think she can stay here while he reads it, waiting anxiously for him to find these specific pages in between the other files she needs him to look over before tomorrow.

Well, really she just needs him to look them over so she'll have time to make her getaway. Just because she's being honest doesn't mean she's any braver.

That's something only time and Tony are going to be able to fix.