Even though Axel held me, I was having horrible nightmares of what my dad used to do to me, and I tried desperately to wake up, but I just couldn't. I thought that I was forever stuck in that nightmare of a flashback when I felt cold water splash my face. I sprang up to see Rude, Reno, and Axel all staring at me.

"Roxas? You ok?" Axel threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug as he sat at my bedside.

"Damn kid, you scared us." Rude shook his head and I put a hand to mine.

"I'm sorry." I dried the water off with my shirt.

"Are you ok?" Reno asked and I nodded.

"Bad dream." I said and Axel pushed me back so that we could see each other.

"I could tell when you started kicking me and screaming profanities."

"I'm sorry." I said, truly meaning it when Axel shook his head.

"Don't be. I felt so bad, I kept trying to wake you up, but nothing was working."

"I'm ok. I don't want to sleep anymore." I said and Axel nodded.

"Lets go eat." Reno led us all to the kitchen as we sat down at the table.

"Thanks for dinner Rude." Axel said and I nodded.

"Yea." Rude answered.

"I could use some desert, what do you say Rox?" Axel leaned back in his chair and I nodded. "We'll be back." Axel said as we stood up to go grab something to bring back.

"Rude, can I talk to you?" Reno stood up as well and I put on my shoes.

"Axe? Can I stay? My butt hurts." I looked away, feeling bad for my stupid excuse, but it was true.

"Yeah, of course. Is there something specific you want?" Axel put on his backpack and I shook my head.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Axel kissed my temple and left. I was about to sit on the couch when I heard Reno yelling.

"That's not what it's about, Rude!" I slowly walked towards their bedroom, the door mostly closed with a small gap just big enough to peak in.

"Calm down." Rude said quietly.

"I just hate feeling this way." Reno sounded really distressed as I wondered what they were arguing about.

"Reno, talk to me." Rude said and I could hear Reno sigh.

"I hated how shitty my childhood was, watching the way my mom treated my dad. But what I hate most was how I neglected Axel. He needed someone to be there for him and help guide him while our parents fucked up. Instead, I ran away to my friends and to you and just left him. I wish I could go back in time and be there for him."

"I know. He knows too. Don't worry about the past; focus on the future while making the most of your current state." Rude said as I continued to hide outside the door.

"I'm trying. I just wish there was more I could do."

"You think that by adopting, you can help someone the way you wished you would have helped Axel?" Rude asked and Reno was quiet for a while.

"I just want someone to look out for; someone who can look up to me. It's not that you aren't enough, Rude, cause you are. I just want someone I can take care of and protect as my own."

I gulped. Reno sounded so sad over his discussion and I wished that there was something I could do to help them.

"Look, if you want a kid that badly, we can adopt." Rude suggested and Reno sniffled.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I aint changing no diapers."

"Rude! You'll make a great daddy!"

"And you'll make a great mother." Rude said and I could hear his smile.

"You sure you want to go through with this?" Reno asked and I sneaked a quick peak to see Rude nodding.

"If you want to quit work so you can stay home, you can."

"We should wait to see if we even get a child."

"What age do you want?" Rude asked.

"Well I want someone I can still hold and tuck into bed. Someone who's already potty trained, can walk, and can talk."

"So like, six?"

"Psh, I don't know."

Rude sighed. "Only you Reno."

"Only me what?"

"I'd only get involved in something so dangerous with you."

Reno laughed, "Rude, you're making it seem like we're going out on some top secret mission. We're just trying to adopt."

"Same thing. Ever seen one of them cry? They cry for hours." Rude chuckled nervously.

"And I plan to be there to hold him while he does."

"So you want a boy?"

"Preferably."

"Alright. Let's talk about this later tonight, ok?" Rude said and I was about to go back to the couch when I heard Reno snicker.

"Oh Rude?" Reno asked suspiciously but Rude never answered. When I peaked again to make sure they were ok, I saw Rude holding Reno's hair with one hand and pulling his long ponytail with his other. It almost looked painful but I could tell that Reno liked it cause he was smiling as they were making out.

"You want a quickie?" Rude asked and I got scared.

"I don't know. Do you think they'll be back soon?" Reno asked.

"Probably." Rude grunted.

"Fine, then how about tonight?" Reno asked and Rude laughed.

"Deal."

I went back on the couch and Axel came back before the couple came out of their bedroom.

We ate the ice cream that Axel brought back and I never told them that I was here all along, since I didn't want to make it uncomfortable. I felt a bit guilty that I listened in, but I also want to help Reno.

We ate, quietly for the most part, and then Sora and Riku stopped by.

"How do you know where they live?" I asked Sora but Riku answered.

"I work with them."

"You do?" I asked, surprised.

"Yea. Shinra is a powerful company and pays good." Riku shrugged.

"Hell yea it does." Reno laughed and Rude smiled, well barely smiled, but for him, it counts.

"Happy birthday Axel." Sora said and I could tell that he was a bit suspicious considering Axel slapped me last night.

"Thanks Sora. And about last night, I'm really sorry for what I did to Roxas. We made up, and I promise I wont make that mistake again."

Sora crossed his arms, as if he were my father. "I'll let it slide. As long as Roxas is safe and happy, then I am too."

Demyx and Xigbar came over and we all hung out for Axel's birthday, but as the day wore off, I wondered what would happen and where I would go. Axel and I are still together, but do I go back to live with him? What about Sora? What about Reno?

"Roxas, do you want to come back with us?" Riku asked me quietly while everyone else was out in the backyard. I had just got out of the bathroom and was caught off guard.

"Oh, um, I don't know."

"You know, just because you got back with Axel doesn't mean you have to live with him. There shouldn't be a need to rush things again." Riku took a sip of his soda and I thought.

"Maybe space would be better for us?"

"For us?" Axel walked up and I gulped.

"Um yea. I'm really happy that we're back together, but maybe if we had some space, we can work on our relationship without forcing too much?" I shrugged and Axel smiled.

"I'm glad that you thought this through." Axel slipped his arms around my waist.

"What if we spend weekends together, but I can stay with Sora and Riku during the weekdays? I think that would help us work on balancing things out." I shrugged and Axel kissed my nose.

"I think that's a great idea babe." I reached on my tip toes to kiss his cheek before I excused myself outside, where we all hung out for a few more hours.

"Roxas, we're leaving." Sora warned me and I stood up to join him and Riku.

"Bye." I waved and walked up to Rude and Reno.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I hugged Rude.

"No problem." He said in his usual monotone voice.

"Thanks for everything Reno."

"Of course. If you ever need a place to crash, you are always welcome here." Reno held me and I squeezed him back.

"I love you." I said and he sighed gently out his nose.

"I love you too Roxas. Be good for Sora, ok?" He messed up my hair and I smiled.

"Yes mom." I winked and he laughed.

"That's Mrs. Mom to you." Reno patted my back as I walked to the front door, where Riku waited with Sora.

"Sora? Do…do you mind if I stay here tonight?" I asked my twin and he looked to Reno.

"If it's fine with you, I'm cool with it." Reno said and Sora nodded.

"Alright. Have fun and stay safe Roxas." Sora hugged me goodbye.

"Behave." Riku gave me a small hug and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes Sir."

"I have his bag of clothes and stuff in the car, I'll be back." Sora ran off and came back to drop off a change of clothes and other over-night necessities.

"Thanks Reno." I hugged him again once my twin and Riku left.

"No problem kid." Reno smiled and I put my stuff in the room, the went back outside to join Demyx, Xigbar, and Axel.

"You're not going home?" Axel asked me.

"I'm staying here tonight." I answered and Axel gave a small smile.

"Alright. Glad you can stay with me a bit longer on my birthday." Axel kissed my forehead and I held his hand as we talked with his friends for another hour.

"Roxas, I'm going home. I'll see you Friday?" Axel asked and I felt bad, realizing that I was leaving him all alone on his birthday night.

"Do you want me to stay over with you tonight? It is your birthday." I offered.

"Don't worry about it. Wait till you're ready and then we can have that make-up sex and all, ok?" Axel kissed my lips softly and I smiled.

"Ok. Don't go looking for your present! I want to see your face when you open it."

Axel smiled back. "Ok babe. I love you."

"I love you too." We hugged before Axel talked to Reno.

"Since he had a pretty bad nightmare, keep an extra eye on him for me, please?"

"You know I will." Reno bragged and Axel thanked him before he left.

"You ready?" Rude asked and I nodded as I prepared to bed.

"Here's a fresh towel for the shower." Reno handed a clean white towel to me as I started taking off my shirt.

"Thanks."

"Yep. Oh and where do you want to sleep?" Reno asked.

"Anywhere is fine with me. I don't want to impose. I can sleep on the couch if that's easiest."

"I want you to feel comfortable here. I also want you somewhere close in case you have another nightmare." Reno explained and I nodded.

"I really appreciate you taking care of me."

"I'm glad that you are happy here." Reno smiled.

"Can? Can I sleep like we did last night?" I asked, hesitant. I wanted so badly to be warm and safe between them, but I didn't want to impose.

Reno smiled. "Of course. No go on and shower, dirty boy." Reno pushed me towards the bathroom and I laughed.

"Kay. Reno? Thanks." I went inside the bathroom, showered, and climbed into the empty bed.

"What the?" Rude half asked when he walked in his room to see me snuggled up in his bed.

"Oh, um, Reno said I could sleep in here again." I bit my lip, anticipating an angry response.

"Oh. Alright." Rude remained short and climbed in with his black T-shirt and flannel pants.

"Night." Rude turned off his side lamp while we waited for Reno.

"Do you want me to move over?" I asked, trying not to take too much of Rude's space.

"No. Just get some rest." To my surprise, Rude quickly pecked my forehead with his lips and laid down.

"Night Rude." I smiled, laughing quietly at his 'tender' moment. I laid down next to him and put my arms around one of his.

"Night." Rude said, moving his arm closer to me so that I could hold onto it more easily. I was nearly asleep when Reno finally came in.

"Oh don't you two look adorable!" Reno enthusiastically whispered.

"He does look sweet when he sleeps." Rude said and I tried not to look awake.

"Are you mad?" Reno asked and Rude exhaled loudly through his nose as if he were thinking.

"He's got my left arm, so as long as I have my right, we'll be ok. He squeezes hard though."

Reno laughed. "I meant about how we cant have sex tonight."

"Oh. Guess you'll just owe me two orgasms when we do have it."

"Oooh good." Reno snickered and got in bed next to me, lying on his side.

In my 'fake' sleep, I put my other arm around his middle.

"Reno, do you think Axel would be mad?" Rude asked after Reno turned off his night lamp and we all laid in silence

"Why would he be mad?"

"Cause he gets jealous easily and his boyfriend is sleeping with us."

"It's not like we're doing anything. We're just holding him. Besides, Axel knows I have you, and you're all I could ever want."

"And you're all I ever want. Reno? I've been thinking….I think I'd like a kid too."

"Really Rude? You do?" Reno sat up and I whimpered, so he brushed my hair and cooed me back to a state of calm. "Shh, go back to bed Roxy."

"Yeah. I think I'd like to have someone sleep between us more often. It calms me down and makes me wake up missing you twice as much." Rude said and Reno giggled.

"Awww, Rude, you are too sweet." Reno reached over me and the two kissed loudly.

"Do you think he's a heavy sleeper?" Rude asked.

"We are not having sex in front of the baby." Reno laughed.

"He's hardly a baby. Well he does cry a lot." Rude said and I tried to remain looking peaceful in sleep, although it was hard.

"Rude! He's hurt. And I like how he's expressive. It makes him that much more adorable." Reno rubbed my back and I almost smiled. I loved how loved these two make me feel.

"He does look kind of cute when he cries. Like how you look cute when you're angry."

"I do not!" Reno whispered angrily.

"Like now." Rude chuckled and Reno sighed.

"Whatever. Let's just get some sleep." Reno laid back down and put his arms around me as I snuggled into him. All three of us were on our sides and Rude squished behind me so that we could all fit, practically sandwiching me in the middle.

I went to bed happy and content to be sleeping in safety without worrying about fucking up a relationship with sex. And unlike last night, this time, I knew that I had my Axel.

I woke up feeling refreshed and content when Riku came and picked me up. I went back to live with Sora and spent a couple months with him and Riku, since they live close to where I work at that Italian restaurant. On the weekends, I'd go to Axel's and we don't have sex anymore, since my therapist (yep, still going) advised that the nightmares might get better if I remain abstinent. It's not easy, but Axel encourages me that it's what's best, so I do my best to listen. The last time that Luxord raped me hit me hard, and Axel's been great at listening to my needs, but I still need the help for everything that I still have bottled up inside me.

For the most part, the nightmares are easing up and I'm spending more time at work to fill up my day so that I'm not just sitting at home bored while Sora runs all over town to get stuff done.

I still have Axel's birthday present from months ago, still wrapped, since it's all sex toys and stuff and we agreed to wait till I'm ready to have him open it. Of course its in a green bag with red tissue, so Axel said that maybe for Christmas. He's always giving me a hard time about being in love with Christmas colors, but I tell him that it's his fault for being a redhead and having such amazing green eyes.

Christmas is only a week away and Reno is having a party in a few days, so we're all heading over there. From what I hear, Reno's going to have some of his buddies over, and Xigbar is inviting his friends too, so it's going to be a big party that will probably have booze and shit. Axel said that as long as we stay together and we limit our drinking, we should be ok.

On the day of the party, I started changing into my clothes, of course choosing green skinny jeans and a red V-neck. Axel can joke all he wants, cause this time, it's for Christmas, not him.

Sora wore red and white, Riku wore green and white, and when we got there early, Rude was in all black.

"Rude? Where's your spirit?" Reno came out in a Santa suit; a very skinny Santa suit.

"Gone." Rude sat on the couch.

"What am I going to do with you?" Reno shook his head.

"Sora, I have a present for you." Riku said as he went back to the car and handed a bag to Sora.

"What is it?"

"Open it in the bathroom, and come back in it." Riku smirked and Sora gulped.

"Riku?" Sora stomped his foot.

"Just trust me." Riku waved him off and Sora rolled his eyes as he obeyed.

I got a soda, rejoined Riku, and stood with eyes wide and scared to see my twin brother wearing a red dress. It had sleeves that hung low on his shoulders, and covered his entire arms, and it went slightly above his knee. There was white fluff trimming on the top and bottom of the dress and the red velvet matched the red Santa hat that Riku topped him off with.

"You look so adorable." Riku kissed my twin to stop him from arguing.

"You look ridiculous!" I started laughing when I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned, smiling to see my Axel, then frowning and screaming when I saw what was in his hands.

"Yep. Matching presents for our twins." Axel held up the same dress on a hanger, extending it to me. I then made a note to myself to kill Riku the next chance I could when we got home.

"I am NOT going to wear it." I backed up into Riku.

"Don't be stubborn Roxy. Come on and be a good boy so Santa doesn't give you coal."

"Axe! It's a dress!" I grumbled.

"It's adorable, and so are you, so together, you will look irresistible. Come on and try it." Axel shoved the dress in my hands and I growled as I changed into it.

The dress was short and flowy at the bottom and it was making me cold as I shivered, exiting the bathroom in fear.

"And the hat?" Axel put his hands on his hips as I rolled my eyes, throwing it on my head. "Roxas!" Axel came up to me, fixed the hat, and hugged me. "Cute."

"Shut up." I mumbled.

"Don't be grumpy. See? Sora isn't being grumpy." Axel pointed at how Sora wore the dress with pride, practically advertising it as he twirled in it for Riku. Riku smiled at me and winked as he pulled Sora into his lap.

"No." I said and Axel sighed.

"Well if you're that miserable in it, then just change back."

I felt a bit guilty.

"Axe, I'm not a girl." I said, putting a hand on my chest.

"I know you're not. But you're still cute, and I think it looks great on you. I wasn't trying to belittle you or make fun of you. I just wanted you to know how sexy I think you are." Axel looked away and I thought for a moment.

"Thank you Axe." I went on my tip toes to reach his lips, then I walked off to sit next to Riku.

"You're keeping it on?" Axel asked as he picked me up, stole my spot, and placed me in his lap.

"Yea, but you and Riku owe us!" I said and Sora laughed.

"Riku has to wear it tonight when we get home and all of Christmas day."

"Wait Sora, you never said I had to wear it on Christmas!"

"Deals a deal." Sora remained stubborn and I smirked.

"Same for you Axe."

Axel grinned. "It's worth it."

Demyx and Xigbar showed up next, each of them dressed up in Christmas colors as I felt like a dumbass in my dress.

"You can be my mrs. Clause." Axel nipped at my ear as I squirmed in his lap. He was wearing black skinny jeans and coincidentally the same red V-neck that I came in; hey, a red V-neck is very popular.

Some guy with a country accent came next, I think he said his name was Cid, but it was pretty hard to understand him with the cigarette in his mouth. Marluxia, Xemnas, and Saix came over as well, and I hadn't seen them since Axel first broke up with me. They were pretty surprised to see that we were still together, and especially surprised to see that we were getting along just fine

More people showed up that I didn't recognize, like a girl with super short hair, Yuffie, I think. Then another girl with long hair named Tifa and she was really nice, along with some girl in a pink dress and long braid. Then there was another guy, Rufus, and some girl with pink hair, kind of like Marluxia. Those two started talking to each other and Axel joked about how bad he'd feel for their kids who would have no other option but to have pink hair.

"There is hair dye." Riku shrugged.

"True, but still." Axel shivered.

"There are a lot of people here." I looked around to see many more people I didn't recognize and didn't bother to try to know, since half were drunk and I didn't care much to talk to someone who didn't even know their own name.

"Yea, Reno likes the loud busy club life. Poor Rude." Axel shook his head.

"Axel. Hide me." Right on cue, Rude ran up to us.

"What's wrong?"

"Your brother is completely hammered. And he's….trying to get me in his pants." Rude coughed and we all broke out laughing.

"Even with people here?" Sora giggled.

"Rude? Reno horny!" We heard Reno shout and Axel faked a gag noise.

"Go lock yourself in a bathroom!" Axel yelled and Rude took off running.

"Axe? Has you seen my lover?" Reno smiled like a drunk idiot.

"Yeah, this time, you aren't faking." Axel grabbed Reno and started walking. "Time for a nap. You need to sleep this off. Rox, wait for me."

I sighed. "Ok."

Riku shook his head. "And people wonder why I don't get drunk."

"I think it'd be fun if it was just us." Sora blushed and I shook my head.

"I'm leaving before this gets any more personal." I said, not wanting to hear what my twin had to say about the matter.

"You, I know you." I heard a voice say and I turned to see that hot hunky blonde, the one that I first cheated on Axel with.

"C-C-Cory?" I guessed.

"Cloud." The blonde said sternly and I gulped.

"Cloud?" Some tall brunette walked up to us and I remembered him as being the one who took him away from me….ok well technically I took Cloud away from the brunette, but still.

"You! You're that little twerp!"

"Leon, leave him alone." Cloud defended me and I stood, curious.

"Look, I don't want anything to do with either of you, so, can we, you know, forget it?" I asked, wondering what the odds would be for them to believe me and accept my request.

"Whatever." The brunette, Leon sighed and walked off up to some girl I was introduced to earlier, but I forgot her name. Something like Rhino…Rino…Rinoa? Either way, Leon walked up to her and Cloud followed while I tried to look for Axel.

I noticed that bad things happen most when we are separated, cause then a lack of communication makes something small turn into something huge, so if I could find him and stay with him, that could lessen the potential fights we have.

I wandered around the house for a bit, not sure who I was bumping into or what was going on, but when I had lost hope, I decided that I should go to Reno's room and text Axel to meet me there, that is if he even hears the text with the loud music and annoying drunk idiots yelling.

Sadly, that plan turned out horribly.

I opened the door to get a perfect view of Rude fucking Reno. Reno was on his back, legs over Rude's shoulders and Rude slammed in and out of him, looking rather painful, even as Reno begged for Rude to go harder. I gulped, frozen, wanting to shut the door if only I was capable of movement.

"Yeah, yeah, oh fuck Rude, fuck me harder!" Reno screamed and I slowly closed the door, trying to get that image out of my head. Ok so not going to lie, it was kind of hot, but still, that's Axel's brother. Rude is a lot more attractive naked though, I mean, his muscles are very appealing. And Reno…..looks a lot like Axel….fuck. Now I was growing hard. I ran to a bathroom, about to go in when someone stopped me.

"You ok?" Thank god it was Axel.

"Axe!" I jumped in his arms and he laughed.

"I missed you. Where'd you go?"

"Looking for you!" I poked his chest and he kept his arms around my hips.

"Alright, well lets stay together this time, ok?"

"Deal." I gasped, letting my head hit his chest.

"Come on, let's see if the couch is free." Axel took my hand and guided me through the crowd and onto the small sliver of space that was still free on the couch. Axel sat down and kept me tight in his lap.

"It's so loud." I yelled over the techno music that many people were dancing to.

"Do you know where Reno and Rude are?" Axel asked directly into my ear.

"In Reno's room, but don't go." I warned.

"Why not?" Axel was nearly laughing, not able to explain how scared I was.

"I accidentally walked in on them." I gulped, a bit embarrassed. "Don't tell anyone! I shut the door as soon as I could!"

Axel shook his head and laughed. "My poor Roxy."

"I kind of want to leave." I couldn't hide it anymore. I didn't want to drag Axel away, but I lost Sora and Riku, and I wasn't about to leave that couch for shit….ok excluding the door.

"Alright. Are you going home with Riku and Sora?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know where they are." I frowned. "I tried texting Sora, but I don't think he knows."

"You can always stay with me if you want. Christmas is just a couple days away, and I'd love to spend it with you, if you want."

"Yeah!" I jumped up in excitement and Axel took my hand and once again led the way to his car parked outside.

"What the?" I stopped when I found Sora: In the backseat of Riku's car, with said silver haired man, making out intensely. Riku was practically chewing Sora's tongue while Sora's hands molested Riku's ass.

"Ok lets just go home." Axel rushed us to his motorcycle as we left. I texted Sora that I'd be staying with Axel, while Axel texted Reno goodbye, and we rode silently to Axel's house.

Author's Note: Yay so another chapter posted means just TWO CHAPTERS LEFT! I'm sorry it took me so long to post this, but I was going to add a scene and after I got 5 pages in, I realized it didn't work and had to take it out. So again, I'm sorry!

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Exactly. It really isn't something that you just forget about, even if you try. Aww, I'm glad that you like my Reno. I hope to write a Reno X Rude story soon, but I still have a bunch of stories that I am working on. Protective is cute, as long as it isn't overbearing. Awww, YAY! I'm glad that you enjoy my crazy style. There are times when I think I'm going WAYY too out there, but I'm glad that you like it. I feel so honored to be favorited by you, so thank you very much for taking the time to express your sweet compliments ^_^. Trust me, this next chapter will be worth the one day wait ;) Aww THANKIES for the digital candy! That's a first lol. Digital flowers back to you!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Well let me start by saying, "CONGRATS on your first comment ever!" I am so glad that you like my story and even more glad that my story is your first comment ^_^ Luxord run over eh? Hmmm, well sadly I didn't write that, but I agree. I'd comment about him getting over his past, but I wouldn't dare ruin the story for you! Oh I hate reading in-complete stories, although I usually don't read anymore since I write way too much lol. But I am honored that you're willing to read this one even though it is incomplete. Don't worry, I will post one chapter tomorrow and the very last chapter the day after, yep, on Christmas ^_^ Thank you very much =)

To KidaKama: Yea Luxord just fit the profile too well. I've never had to play Demyx more than once, but I feel like I'm missing out because everyone bitches about how hard he is. Maybe if I play it on proud…I'd be scared lol. Yes, there are 2 chapters left in this series, so prepare! Lol. Thanks again Sunshine! ;P

To Shadowridge: yea it is gross, and OMG I'm so glad you hate Twilight as much as I do! XD About my ex…..he did….shit….lol. Basically, he took it too far. And like an idiot, he denied that I said no, but in my defense I was only crying and screaming, so verbally saying "no" was a bit difficult. Anyway, life goes on. Yea for sure! Go ahead! I don't mind. I haven't read or seen anything non-yaoi since before I started writing lol. It might be nice to take a break so I can come back to yaoi refreshed lol. To add a chapter, go to your profile, go to PUBLISH on the left, click Manage Stories in the subset, click the story title you want to update, click content chapters on the top of the tabs (2nd to the left) And from there you can add a chapter and give it a title. BUT FIRST you must download the document to the Doc Manager (upload) that is 2 subsets above the option to Manage Stories. Hope that was detailed enough, cause I'm slow and need step by step directions lol.

Thanks everyone for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum