When we got to Axel's house, we were dead tired and crashed on his bed, still in our clothes. I woke up to see that we hadn't moved much in our sleep, cause we were still holding hands even though the rest of our bodies weren't touching.
"Axe?" I gently called as he slept.
"M?" Axel groaned back.
"Can you scoot over?" I asked. Usually I'm the one pushing him to the edge, but since we don't live together anymore, he probably got used to his space again.
"Sure." Axel rolled over, accidently letting go of my hand. I scooted closer to him and snuggled against his side, since he was lying on his stomach. There wasn't much room to snuggle with, but I tried, up until he pushed himself up with his arms to turn and look at me.
"What are you doing?" He asked and I gulped, hoping that I didn't upset him.
"I wanted to cuddle." I said nervously as he smiled.
"Then just say so." Axel rolled to his other side and we spooned.
"Thanks Axe." I wriggled my back into his chest as he laughed lightly.
"I love my lil spoon."
At that, I laughed too.
"Your lil spoon loves you too."
"Alright, one more hour, then its wake-up time." Axel sighed and we both relaxed into sleep.
When I woke up again, Axel was already up and dressed.
"I'm still tired." I pulled the blankets up to my chin.
"Well you have to get up so we can decorate the Christmas tree." Axel spanked me playfully.
"You haven't decorated it yet? Axe, it's Christmas eve!" I sat up and Axel shrugged.
"I wanted to decorate it with you, so I waited."
I couldn't fight back the small smile on my face.
"Thanks. Let's go." I got out of bed, quickly changed into some spare clothes I kept at his house for the weekends I stayed over.
"Alright, here's the box of ornaments and somehow we have to put the star on the top." Axel said, hands on hips, staring at the tall tree in his living room with some Christmas music playing softly in the background from his ipod.
"Doesn't sound too hard." I shrugged, placing ornaments wherever seemed appropriate.
"Is that all of them?" Axel asked after we put each one of the red and gold ornaments up. Axel likes to keep things simple.
"Yep. Now for the star?" I wondered just how we were going to reach; it was too tall for even Axel, since he didn't want to accidentally fall on it.
"Ok how about you go on my shoulders?" Axel proposed and I nodded.
"Easy. Easy. To the left." I guided verbally as I reached.
"Is it on?"
"Not yet."
"Hurry." Axel tried to balance my weight as I got it up.
"Ok, it's on."
"Alrighty." Axel let me slide down his back and onto my own feet. He high fived me. "Thanks baby."
"No problem." I smiled up to him as I felt his hand on the small of my back.
"I love you Roxy."
"I love you too." Axel leaned down to kiss me as his hands squeezed my sides. I couldn't help but slowly guide my hips into his, loving the way his kiss turned into a make-out session as we held each other.
"I really miss being intimate with you. I want you to heal and recover, but damn this just feels so relaxing. I miss it." Axel rested his cheek on my head and swayed us side to side.
"Me too. Maybe we can try." I suggested. We hadn't had sex, not since before Luxord raped me back in August.
"I don't want you to get hurt." Axel pulled back and brushed my hair out of my face.
"We'll go slow." I said and Axel nodded.
"Come on lil spoon." Axel winked and took my hand. We went in bed and spooned while his hands ran all over my thigh. "Rox, can I take your pants off?"
"Yeah." I sat up and quickly took off everything but my briefs, noticing how Axel rushed to do the same.
We laid back down, our bare skin touching as we snuggled.
"Squeeze!" Axel squeezed my middle as I chocked on my laughter.
"I cant breathe!" I laughed, still gasping for air.
"Spoons don't need to breathe." Axel let go as I panted.
"This spoon does." I turned around.
He put his hand under my head and I put mine under his as we laid there staring into each others eyes.
"I really do love you Roxas."
"I love you too Axe." I said and he straddled me so that he could kiss me.
"I'm so happy Rox; so proud that you've come so far for us." Axel rubbed his hand up and down my chest as I breathed into his touch. He circled his thumb over my nipple and I whined.
"More, please." I begged as he fell on top of me, letting his groin smash and scrub against mine.
"Ah!" I moaned loudly, loving the feeling of his hard cotton mixing with my warm briefs.
"Yeah, you want more of that shit?" Axel asked and I nodded. He grinded against me as I put my hands on his ass, squeezing as he slowed down so that he could grind harder and more intense, each inch driving me closer to my end.
"Ohhh, mmm, ahhh!" I panted, already desperate for more.
"Really?" Axel asked sarcastically as if to tease my inability to form words. "And how about this?" He asked as he pulled my erection out of my underwear, tugging on it as I bucked my hips up.
"YEAH!" I screamed, loving how fast he went as he licked my neck.
"So sexy. I love you Roxy." Axel smiled as I neared my end.
"Axe, I'm coming."
"Do you want me to go in?" Axel slowed down as I tried to control my sporadic breathes.
"Um, k." I said, not really in the right mind to make any decision.
"I'll be careful." Axel warned as he stretched my hole with two of his fingers.
"Ah!" I arched my back. "Hurts."
"You haven't been stretched in a while. It's ok, its just me." Axel tried to relax me as I nodded.
He put in a third and I screamed. "Fuck!"
"You ok?"
"Hurts." I said again.
"You're so tight. Just try to relax, ok?"
"Kay." I sighed to relax my body as he pulled his fingers out and propped my ankles on his shoulders.
"Ready?"
"Yeah." I said, not completely honest, but I didn't think that I'd ever be 'more ready', so I figured might as well get it over with.
"Alright." Axel slowly pushed in as I grimaced.
"Too big." I gasped, eyes closing, but Axel kept pushing in.
"Shhh, look at me Rox. Eyes open." I tried to listen, but it hurt too bad.
"Cant."
"Rox, I'm not going to thrust until you open your eyes. I don't want you getting flashbacks." He tried to be thoughtful, but it was too late.
"Out." I sniffled, unable to take the sensation of something so long inside me.
"Alright." Axel pulled out without question, cause he's just so loving like that. "Shh, calm down Roxas, its ok." Axel pulled me up so that I was sitting in his arms.
"I Sorry." I shuddered and Axel shushed me again.
"Shh, don't worry about it. Just relax, it's ok." Axel rubbed my bare back as I sighed, tired.
"Thank you." I knew that I owed him for being so great.
"For what?" Axel asked in surprise.
"For being so understanding. I need you Axe." I tightened my grip around his back as he exhaled loudly.
"I need you too lil spoon. You want to spoon? You want me to hold you from behind?" Axel asked and I nodded as he laid us down, holding onto me as I held onto his hands.
"Thank you big spoon." I smiled and I could feel the vibrations of Axel's laughing tummy.
"Of course my baby spoon. You're my baby. Mine. Got it memorized?" Axel asked and I nodded.
"Yours and only yours."
We cuddled for a while before Axel sat up.
"Babe? I have an idea." He said and I turned to face him.
"Ok?" I sat up next to him.
"What if you enter inside me?" Axel asked and I froze. The idea never occurred to me that I could top him. Ever since we started dating, it just seemed like common sense that he would top; he's taller, stronger, and older. I wondered how he really felt about being bottom though.
"You sure? It's a bit painful at first."
"I want to be intimate with you. I love you. You're my baby. And if I cant go in you, then maybe you can go in me." Axel offered a cheap smile and I smiled back.
"Ok."
"Yeah? Alright, lets try." Axel kissed my lips, obviously getting started by making out, which led to touching, which led to groping and moaning and then of course, intercourse.
His plan worked, cause before I knew it, he was holding onto me as I put my first finger inside him. Axel was in my lap, holding onto me for dear life, his face where I couldn't see on my shoulder.
"You ok?" I asked, since his body kept shivering.
"Yeah." He answered quickly. After I poked the first finger for a while, I added another.
"Just relax." I cooed, trying to help him feel better as he tensed.
"Fuck it hurts." Axel said as I pushed the third in.
"You're so tight."
"Well I've only had one of your fingers in me before, and that was a long time ago." Axel groaned.
I paused. I felt so dirty. I wanted to stop, but I didn't want to start a fight, so I continued.
"I love you Axel." I smiled to cheer us both up as I wriggled my fingers inside him.
"Love too." Axel panted and I knew that he was in discomfort.
"Alright, I'm going to go in. You should lie on your back, its easier." I advised but he shook his head.
"No."
"Why not?" I asked, my fingers still inside him.
"Just go." He rushed but I took my fingers out.
"Axe, it'll hurt less if you lie down for your first time."
"No Rox." Axel remained stubborn and I knew something was wrong.
"Why not?"
"Cause…. I don't want you to see my face." Axel whispered in my ear. True that this whole time I had been fingering him I couldn't see his reaction, but I thought that he just wanted to hold me tighter.
"You've seen my sex face plenty of times. It's nothing to be embarrassed of." I ran my hand up and down his pale smooth back.
"Please, no." Axel sounded like there was something in his throat.
"Ok."
"Maybe if we stand?" Axel suggested and I decided to just let him do what he wanted.
"Alright."
Axel slowly moved his legs, stood on his feet with his back to me, and placed his hands on a wall. He backed up his legs so that he was bending, allowing me to reach him better since he's so tall.
I walked up behind him, kissed his neck from behind, and slipped my hands on his hips.
"I love you Axel." I said as he exhaled in preparation.
"I love you too Rox." He gulped, cleared his throat, and I could already feel his heart race.
"I'm going in. Let me know if you want me to stop." I pressed my tip to his entrance.
"Kay." Axel said and I pushed it in slowly. "AH!" Axel moved one of his hands off of the wall and into his mouth to muffle his cries.
"Shh, its ok Axel. It's just your lil spoon. Don't worry." I couldn't believe how bad I felt for making him hurt. I wanted to stop, even if he didn't, just because I knew how badly he was hurting, even if he wouldn't admit it.
I pushed in deeper and waited for his muscles to relax enough for me to start thrusting. I slowly tapped my pelvis into his ass, pushing in all the way before coming out most of the way. He returned his hand back to the wall and I noticed how badly his back was shaking.
"Axe, do you want to lie down?" I asked, going even slower.
Axel shook his head.
"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, putting a hand on his hip.
Again, he shook his head.
"Axe, say something, please?" I asked but he only shook his head.
"I'm pulling out." I said, not willing to risk his safety and comfort.
"No!" He started crying and I felt bad, so I quickly went back in. "FUCK!" Axel screamed, going on his tip toes and I fell out, not tall enough to keep myself inside him.
I fell on my ass as he went on his knees.
"Axe?" My eyes were watering but I hardly noticed. All I cared about was my hurt boyfriend, shuddering and shaking, holding himself.
"Owww." Axel sniffled to keep his nose from running as I put a hand gently on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I said, my eyes leaking and my heart on pause, absolutely terrified.
Axel said nothing. He just sat there with his face in his hands.
"Please Axe. Say something. Anything. Tell me you hate me, I don't care. Just say something." I couldn't take his silence anymore.
"I'm fine." Axel sighed and I knew that he wasn't. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat again.
"Want to go in bed?" I asked and Axel nodded. "Come on." I helped Axel to his shaky feet and walked him to his bed.
Axel went on his side, pulling the blankets up to his eyes, not letting me see his face.
"I'm sorry." I said, still sitting up.
"It's ok." Axel whispered, barely audible.
"I love you." I said and he nodded. I needed to hear him repeat it; I needed him to comfort me that I had comforted him. I just needed him.
I went into the blankets as well and held him, being the big spoon.
"Big spoon loves his lil spoon." I whispered in his ear, kissing the small patch of skin by his cheek that his blanket and hair wasn't covering.
"Rox? Can I have some space?" Axel wriggled himself out of my arms and I sat up, eyes watering as I felt my chest convulsing.
Right away, I broke into sobs.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled, feeling like shit. No, worse than shit. Feeling the shittiest ever. I hurt him. I was no better than Luxord or my dad or anyone. I hurt him and he doesn't even want me to hold me. He doesn't want me at all.
I threw myself off of his bed, grabbed my red Axel pillow, ran out of his room and slammed the door behind me. I jumped on his couch and did the only thing I could: Screamed into that damn pillow. I yelled loudly, wailed with everything I had, and screamed until my throat went harsh. I blubbered like a baby as I tried to hold myself. I've had a lot of shitty Christmases, but this was going to be the worst.
I continued to sob as I pushed my back into the couch and pathetically spooned my Axel pillow. I wrapped my legs around it, squeezed my arms around it, and cried into it.
I was getting used to my depression when I felt something tug on my pillow.
"NO!" I screamed in my already raspy voice. Axel was standing over me, pulling on my pillow, trying to take it out of my arms.
"Stop!" I yelled louder, getting angry. How dare he take away the only thing I have left? What kind of monster would rip away a boys pillow when it's the only warmth and comfort he has?
"Let go!" I ordered as I sat up, pulling back.
"MINE!" I screeched as he pulled harder, ripping it out of my hands, causing me to hit my head on the couch cushion. I wailed louder, sobbing like a little kid who got lost from his mom or something. I let my face smash the couch seat as I continued to scream into it when I felt Axel lying down next to me.
I lifted my face up and tried to stop my sobs as I realized what he was doing: Axel pushed his back into my chest, grabbed my arms and placed them around his tummy, and sniffled loudly.
"I thought you were mine and mine alone?" He asked, tears obviously running down his face, which I still couldn't see.
"I am." I started panting again, my chest inflating too fast for words.
"Then why the fuck would you cheat on me with that fucking pillow?" Axel squeezed my hands and lifted them to his mouth, kissing them softly with his own trembling lips.
"Huh?" I asked, not sure what was actually happening.
"I just wanted some space cause my ass hurt. But then I come out here and you're practically fucking that pillow." Axel turned around and faced me. We both looked like crying messes.
"I thought you hated me." I blinked more tears out. Axel shook his head.
"No baby. I love you. I'm just hurt and tired. But I love you."
I started to quiver my lip again. "I love you too Axe." He put his arms around me and held me.
"Shh, don't cry." He said, even though I could feel warm tears leave his eyes and roll onto my cheeks.
"I love you." I said again and he kissed each one of my dripping tears away.
"I love you too." We laid in silence for a while.
"You know, I've never been so jealous of a pillow before." Axel smiled and I laughed, even through my tear stained face.
"I needed it whenever I didn't have you."
"But you have me now. I just needed some time for my body to recover, then I was going to hold you."
"I didn't know. You weren't saying anything and you sounded mad." I started to get worked up but Axel stopped me.
"Shh, I know, it's ok. Now we know to be more honest and just say what we need to to avoid conflict, ok?"
"Kay." I agreed, snuggling into his chest.
"God you have no idea how close I was to killing that pillow." Axel gave me an extra tight squeeze and I giggled.
"Killing a pillow?"
"Yeah! He was touching whats MINE!" Axel growled as he playfully nipped at my neck.
"Hehehe, mmm, I sorry." I smiled and Axel kissed my neck gently.
"If I ever see that goddamn pillow near you again, I'm going to burn it."
"No more pillows?"
"No more slutty pillows. You're mine and mine alone." Axel sat up, placed me on my back, and fell on top of me. Maybe those toys I bought him can wait till next year. It's sad, but it took till now for me to realize that I'd rather be held by him than fucked by him. I'd rather kiss his lips than lick his cock. I'd rather hold his hand, than hold his dick. I'd rather hear him say that he loves me than he hear panting my name. In fact, I needed to hear it, right then and there.
"I love you Axe." I let my hands roam his shoulder blades as he exhaled into relaxation.
"I love you too baby spoon. Night." Axel kissed my lips softly as we each held onto each other, sleeping on his couch, just the two of us naked in the cold night of Christmas Eve.
Author's Note: OMG ONE CHAPTER LEFT! Ok so now that that is out, thank you all for reading!
HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: So tomorrow (for me as I am typing/posting this) is Christmas Day. However, to relieve any anxiety or stress induced by having to wait more than 24 hours for an update (especially when this is the last chapter we're talking about) I will post regardless of the holiday. So if you celebrate it, or not, just be aware that I will post tomorrow as scheduled. Happy Holidays ^_^
I have a one-shot Soriku that has a Beach lemon, so heads up! A cleon will be posted after that, and the summary for that is on my profile, so please check it for updates and such.
To RoxasVentusHikari: Oh yes, that will be wrapped up in the final chapter, so no worries, you will hear more of Reno X Rude ;) I really want to respond to what you said about Roxas and Axel moving forward in their relationship….but I'm afraid I'll have to keep my big mouth shut and just torture you once more, till I post the final chapter. Since it's Christmas time NOW, I figured it'd work in the story as well, as like a bonus treat for my dedicated readers and reviewers (points to you!) lol. Thank you for commenting and I hope you enjoyed this 2nd to last chapter!
To Hikari Tsukiyomi: YAY! I am so happy that you liked it! Reno is just amazing lol. Perhaps it was a decoy, perhaps Reno found him in the bathroom, we may never know lol. Oh yea, I love having them Match because my whole childhood, my twin and I always had the same things and we always went everywhere together like a matched set. SO annoying. It's my way of getting revenge now XD Sex toys are amazing birthday presents, although I don't have any or anyone to use them with….but still . No worries, it's my fault for posting so late, so hopefully you are still awake to read this one when you'd prefer ^_^ Aww, again, I am just blown away by your compliments. I have TONS more KH yaoi, so even when this story ends, I have plenty more on the way =) Thank you very much for your kind words.
To KidaKama: Awesome! I cant wait to see that one! If you need more clarification for what the dress looks like or anything, let me know. But yea, I'm excited now to see it! Now there is only ONE more chapter left! Thank you for reviewing and thank you for following me and my characters on this journey!
To RikuMewKira: =( I'm sorry! It has to end somewhere, but I'm sorry for having to end it. I'm glad that you like it and I appreciate how you appreciate how I post so often. It really isn't easy, but (and I'm not lying, no matter how cheesy it may sound), I do it for you (the fans). I'd hate to read a great beginning to a story, and then realize it's not over, and see that it hasn't been touched in weeks, months, or even years! Ugh, it's torture. I don't know why a writer would do that to anyone. So yea, I try to stay committed to my stories and fans, and I have a BUNCH of already written stories, so I will never run out of KH yaoi fanfic =) Thank you for the review and for the compliment, I appreciate them ^_^
To mellow-panda7: There is nothing to forgive =) I did miss reading your reviews, but I honestly don't see why you all review so much. Again, I am so ECSTATIC when you do, but I just cant comprehend the awesomeness that is all the reviews I get daily. I am just so honored and speechless, so please don't apologize, I'm thankful to just get one review per story! ^_^ Yes, I wanted to introduce Rude and Reno how I would see them at a first glance, but then, after a couple chapter, dig deeper. Aww, I am so glad that you like my portrayal of them. And about Reno and the kid they want…you'll see ;) I'm so sorry for torturing you for one more day, but I tried to make it worth it! Trust me, I will always keep writing. I have TOO many stories that are already written, being written, and that I'm brainstorming in my head. (As of now, I have 15 in all various stages of the process). So I will keep writing, and I hope that you keep reading and reviewing, cause I very much appreciate you're willingness to comment ^_^ I celebrate Christmas, so Merry Christmas back to you (if that is what you celebrate as well). =)
Thanks for reading!
Heart, Sarabellum