Standard disclaimer applies.
Author's notes: Other fics have used this particular theme before and I never get tired of reading them (there's one in particular by Celeste1 that I recommend you all to read). So I guessed I could try it to and see what came out. And thus, I present to youthe OOC!Ichigo fest. Actually, forget it, this is pure CRACK. With that said, I hope you enjoy reading it and if I've managed to make you smile at least once, I've achieved my goal.
Warning: Crack, crack, and more crack.

P.S. I don't know if it was a problem with my browser or with FFnet but sometimes when I tried to access oneshot 39 it said it didn't exist, even if it worked well in the live-preview. Sorry if you had troubles getting to last chapter on the first couple of days after it came out.

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22.03.2006

"I don't give a damn about Soul Society and their codes; I don't care about what your brother or Renji think; I don't care about the way people will react. I don't care what they say. I'm marrying you, Kuchiki Rukia, and that's the end of it!" The Kurosaki male demanded proudly to his image reflected on the mirror. He stood rigid, hands balled into fists, his jaw tight. "Did you hear me, Rukia?"

"Hear what?" Rukia's voice flowed from the door's direction, making the boy stiffen completely and become deathly pale from surprise.

"Ru...Ru...Rukia... when did you... get here? How long...?" He hastily turned to her, only to receive an inquiring gaze from the small woman.

"Ichi...Ichi...Ichigo... I just… did," she mocked, arching up a perfectly curved eyebrow. She took a last bite from the chocolate bar she had been eating. "What the heck is wrong with you?" She laughed at him softly, but otherwise ignored his stuttering act. He'd done it once when she'd caught him reading her manga, so it wasn't as surprising anymore. "So, do answer my question. What do I need to hear?"

"Nothing!" His eyes shot wide open as he smiled nervously at her.

The black-haired woman huffed impatiently, her short, dark hair flying about as she shook her head. "Tsk, tsk… You're sweating, Ichigo. Just what did you do this time, eh?"

"W-Wha?" he gave a start, frowning and glaring angrily at her, "I didn't do anything, bitch!"

"Heh, that's more like the bastard I know," she muttered. "And it seems like I'll have to pounce the truth out of you, won't I?" She said as she smirked devilishly, moving forward with her fisted hands thrown into the air and directed towards him, to which he ducked swiftly. It seemed like she was quite literal. Frowning darkly, Rukia tried going at him again and the boy dodged her attack one more time. She tried a high kick but this time he stopped it with his open palm.

"Nice undies," he purred teasingly; it was his turn to smirk as he held her leg up and her skirt rode up her thigh. "I think blue would suit you better, though..."

Her cheeks flushed a deep scarlet, taking her leg out from his grasp. "Pervert!" She yelled as she gave one last attempt to hit. Now it was personal. "Hyaaaa!" She launched herself at him, her hands restricting his as she caught them. In the action of kicking Ichigo, the boy suddenly lost his balance, falling backwards and taking her down with him. She was straddling Ichigo's hips.

"Ow, dammit," he growled.

He felt her groaning against his shirt as she tried to untangle herself from him, but her legs wouldn't let her move. Ichigo felt the pain hitting his head and his left hand, the one he was still clenching in a fist, instantly shot to his temples in attempt to subdue it. A metallic clang broke the silence as a small gold band fell from his hand without him even noticing.

"Are you okay?" he croaked, concerned only masked by his deep frown and somewhat pained expression.

"Un," she grunted, but her blue eyes were on something else. Her fingers reached for the shining, golden ring that had fallen to the floor from Ichigo's grasp. "Hey, what's this?"

Ichigo glanced up at her, finally noticing and recognizing what she was holding with two fingers and looking at with interest. He froze.

She got off from him, at last untangling her legs from his long ones, and stood up again on her feet. She walked to the bed and plopped herself on the soft mattress, her eyes still studying the ring in her hands. Ichigo was still on the floor, cold as a dead body. Rukia stifled a laugh when she looked at him. "Ichigo?"

He hurriedly scrambled up as well, face burning a bright red. "Give me that!" he hollered, extending a shaky hand at her to snatch it back.

"What, why?" she coked her head sideways, frowning; she held the ring against her chest to keep it out of his reach.

"Because it's mine!" He yelled in frustration, trying in vain to make her give the ring to him.

"But it says my name," she argued back, fingering the object and paying special attention to the inscription inside. Her eyes shone, mirroring the glinting, small diamond that had been incrusted on the surface of the ring.

To this, he fell silent, his ears still as red as a bright strawberry. He scratched the back of his head in a nervous attempt to find something to say. "I... er..."

Rukia looked up at him curiously; face lacking a trace of contempt. "Were you going to give it to me? Why?"

The Kurosaki male looked away from her, and muttered softly under his breath, "A promise..."

"A promise? But you didn't promise to get me one," she murmured, more to herself than him, but loud enough for the boy to hear.

"No, I want you to promise me something."

Her eyes sparkled then. "And I get the ring in exchange?" He nodded at her, almost unnoticeably, before she furrowed her frown. There had to be some trick in this. "Wait… what are we talking about exactly?"

Ichigo straightened his slumped shoulders and clenched his hands at his sides, then turning at last to look straight at her. "You have to promise that you'll stay here."

Rukia blinked. "Well, I'm not going back home in a while. There are still…"

"Stay… with me, always." He said dead serious; and she almost dropped the ring top the floor, almost. He was able to match it mid-air as it slipped from her hand before it hit the polished wooden surface. He gripped it in his fist. "I thought this over too many times. You've been gone away before and I don't want you leave here anymore. This is the only way I can think of keeping you here, so… I'm going to marry you, Kuchiki Rukia."

She took a moment to think things over. The uncomfortable silence lasted long enough to make their heart run faster and faster and pound so loud that they thought the other could hear it. At last, Rukia let out a laugh, not exactly what Ichigo had been expecting. "Cocky as ever, I see…" she said in between her laughing.

"Huh?" It wasn't necessary to say he was shocked out of his wits.

"I bet you even had that practiced, didn't you?" she accused, "Actually, that was it, right? You were practicing a while ago!" She sighed over-dramatically, faking a sob. "Don't I get a decent marriage proposal? Won't you get on your kneesand say you're deeply and madly in love with me? And then possibly take me into your arms and give me a ravishing kiss?"

Someone had been watching too many soap operas…

Ichigo yelped in surprise, losing all composure and turning beet red again. "Who's deeply and madly in love with you, stupid?"

"You are!" She sing-sang teasingly, "You loooooove me!"

"I'm not…! Who said...?" He was at loss for words.

"Why else would you propose marriage?" She said, tilting her head at him. At his attempt to retort something, she huffed. "Oh, shut up," she ordered, effectively cutting him off as she placed her lips over his mouth.

Her lips were smooth and soft and she still tasted of chocolate, never in his life had he imagined her kiss could be like this. His back stiffened at the touch, something in his head went off as a number of emotions traveled through his body, like a blackout, and by the time his mind had finally reacted she was already breaking away. His hands that had reached for her glossy black hair were left hanging on the air.

"I might regret this if you keep on talking," she said after she backed away, her eyes glinting with a new light. She took his hand in hers and took the ring from him, then she slipped the delicate golden band on her finger and nodded. "Alright, I'll marry you."

"You will?" Ichigo was stupefied. He blinked at her once, twice. "Ah... oh... alright."

Strangling a chuckle, Rukia smirked at her dumbfounded husband-to-be.