Here is chapter 3 for you guys. Again I'm sorry it's been a while since the last update, but I'm busy planning parts of my parents 25th anniversary, so my energy level for writing is just really low. That and my muse is currently either taking a vacation, have run off with someone else's muse or is busy trying to write a speech for my parents. Thank you for the reviews, you all know I'd love to know what you think of this chapter as well, so don't be shy and leave me a comment – please?

As always the biggest thank you goes out to Jess, you are the best. I always say that and you still are. Thank you for betaing this for me.

Confusion

Chapter Three

Catherine snuggled closer to an equally naked Sara. She was feeling sated and spent, skipping breakfast had been a very good idea. She had just woken up from a peaceful slumber when Sara had climbed back into bed with her. She was a little disappointed that the brunette hadn't stayed in bed with her after their lovemaking, but she was too comfortable right now to talk to her about it, especially since she suspected that it would lead to one of their famous fights. So she lay quietly, enjoying the silence and comfortable warmth from the other woman's body.

"You awake?" Sara asked in a hushed tone of voice.

"Mhm…" She nodded into her shoulder.

"There's an hour and a half till you have to pick up Lindsey." Sara told her.

"I think I'm gonna need five more minutes." She mumbled. She wasn't at her best waking up and she felt Sara's chuckle before she heard it.

"Ok, you sleep, I'll wake you up in five minutes."

"No sleeping, just need to wake up." She was still mumbling. "How was your afternoon with Veronica yesterday?"

"It was good." Sara started tracing small patterns Catherine's shoulder.

"That's good." Catherine looked up towards her face and smiled. "It's nice that you two are getting close again."

"Yeah," Sara looked a little lost, "it's not like we talk much, really. Mostly we just sit in silence."

"Silence is nice."

"Right." Sara fell quiet.

Catherine felt the brunette's body stiffen slightly and raised herself up resting on her elbow. "What's wrong?"

"I get a hint, Catherine." Sara looked away from her.

"A hint? What… no, I meant that it's nice to have someone you can be silent with without it getting uncomfortable and weird, it's rare to have that. I like us like this." She looked her in the eyes. "It wasn't a hint, hon, it was an observation."

"I'm sorry." Sara turned to lie on her side facing the blonde, watching as she settled back down facing her. "I'm just… I'm not good at this."

"Says who?" Catherine smiled at her whilst caressing her upper arm.

"Me." Sara smiled shyly.

"You should give yourself more credit." Catherine moved closer to her. "Only problem we have here is that you haven't given me a good morning kiss yet."

"I haven't brushed my teeth." Sara's hand moved to hold onto Catherine's hips despite her small protest.

"Neither have I." Catherine countered.

"I hate morning breath." Sara smiled and inched a little closer.

"So do I." Catherine closed the gab between them and they shared a chaste closed mouthed kiss. "Morning."

"Morning." Sara smiled as she moved back from the kiss. "I could get used to this kind of morning breath."

"So could I. But…" She stopped.

"But what?"

"That would mean you would have to wake up in my bed more often." She said with a glint in her eye.

"I could get used to that too." Sara laughed.

"Good." Catherine laughed with her. "I have to shower now though if I'm going to get Linds." She reluctantly got out of bed, putting on a robe. She stopped in the bathroom door and turned back towards Sara. "Are you going to be here when we get back?"

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Despite staying in bed with Sara longer than expected, Catherine arrived at the school early to pick up Lindsey. Looking at her watch she realized that there was at least ten minutes till her daughter would show up. She contemplated getting out of the car and talking to some of the other parents, but decided against it. She stayed in the car instead, enjoying the solitude. She couldn't help letting her thoughts drift to Sara. She cared for her, very much so. So much in fact, that she had done something that she had sworn never to do in a relationship again - she had surrendered control to her. Not in the way that Sara controlled what she did and with who, but she had given her the control to hurt her. She had not called her on why she left the bed when she thought that Catherine had fallen asleep, she had not pressed her to explain some of the things she had let slip during the Dunne case, she had given the brunette control. She wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. She liked to be on top of everything, but she had a feeling that something bad had happened to Sara at one point in her life, and was sure that she would tell her about it at some time – hopefully it would be sooner rather than later.

She didn't know what it was about Sara that made her surrender control that easily, no one was more surprised at how the relationship between them had changed. If someone had said that she would be in a relationship with Sara Sidle – and happily so – three months ago, she would have laughed in their face. Why had she put herself in a position where Sara could hurt her then? She was attracted to the brunette, yes, and the sex, the sex was great, but it was not enough to let her have the control over her that she had. Maybe that was it, maybe that was the answer; she had given Sara the power to hurt her, after barely a month of dating she was in a position where her partner could hurt her emotionally – she had fallen in love with the woman. Now the question was how she could get her to open up more and if Sara felt the same about her.

"Hi Mom." Lindsey jumped in to the backseat.

"Hi Sweetie." Catherine turned and looked at her. "Did you have a good day at school?"

"Same old, same old." Lindsey smiled to her mother. "How was work?"

"Same old, same old." Catherine answered with a smile back.

"Did you have a date with Sara?" Lindsey asked curiously.

"I did." Catherine nodded.

"Is she still there?"

"Where?"

"Home." Lindsey was getting a little annoyed with her mother being evasive.

"I don't know, Linds." Catherine sighed.

"Ok." Lindsey leaned back in the seat sulking.

"What's wrong, Lindsey?" Catherine looked at her in the rear view mirror.

"I just thought she would be different from the guys you date." She looked out the window refusing to meet her mother's eyes.

"Lindsey…" Catherine tried to sooth her.

"No, she's only interested in sleeping with you!" Lindsey was yelling. "I don't get why you don't think you're better than that!"

"Lindsey!" Catherine was shocked that her daughter would say something like that to her, and even more worried that that was how she saw her mother. "Sara is not like that." She stated.

"No, of course you defend her, but why haven't I seen her in the last month, then? Not since my birthday."

"Because I don't want you to get attached to her if things between her and I don't work out."

"It's not like I'm not already, Mom, you work with her."

"Yeah." Catherine sighed and they both fell silent, a silence that lasted the rest of the ride home.

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Sara was pulled into the driveway and noticed the car already parked there. She stopped the car but stayed in it. Opening up to people was hard when you'd spent your entire life closing yourself off. Catherine deserved nothing less than openness and honesty, and Sara was pretty sure that she would demand nothing less from her. But it was hard. It was hard to open up when the demons in her closet were still haunting her, when they were the reason she couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. She was startled when someone knocked on the window and looked out and saw the woman standing there. She rolled down the window and smiled sadly at her.

"Hi." Was all she could say.

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Lindsey had gone straight to her room when they arrived home. Catherine had gone to stand by the window feeling low and… disappointed? Yes, she was disappointed in Sara. She hadn't promised that she would be there to spend time with Lindsey, but on the other hand she hadn't said that she wouldn't either. Catherine needed more than that from her, truth be told she had expected more. The brunette was always dedicated and thorough when it came to work, paid attention to every little detail insignificant or not, why couldn't she be the same with her and Lindsey? The things that Lindsey had said to her in the car had taken her by surprise. How could her daughter see her like that? How could she think that she would let people use her only to get sex? And how had she, Catherine, missed that that was how her daughter saw her? She focused on the street outside and noticed the car parked on the other side of the street and realized just how much she hoped that it was Sara. She turned away from the window, suddenly she felt old and used.

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"Hi." Veronica looked closer at her old friend. "Are you gonna come in… Or am I?" She pointed at the passenger seat.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." Sara looked as lost as she felt.

"Yeah, I was surprised that I got the pleasure of your company two days in a row." Veronica moved around the car and got in. "You wanna just sit here?" She asked. "Or do you want to talk about it?"

Sara didn't answer and they sat in silence for several minutes. When Veronica realized that Sara wasn't going to talk she adjusted her seat, making herself more comfortable. Sara looked at her with an amused smile that despite her best efforts didn't quite reach her eyes.

"What?" The doctor looked over at her. "If I'm gonna stay here for a while, I might as well get comfortable. I'm recuperating here."

"I love you, Veronica." Sara said out of the blue.

"I know." She smiled. "I love you."

They fell into silence again and it stretched between them. Sara was trying to get her thoughts in order.

"I left while Catherine picked up Lindsey." She blurted out.

"Ok." Veronica looked over at her. "Did you promise to stay?"

"No, not really."

"How do you 'not really' promise something?" Veronica asked.

"Catherine asked if I was going to be there when they got back and I said I didn't know." Sara explained.

"Ok." They fell silent again. After thinking for a few minutes Veronica started speaking again. "Why didn't you stay?"

"I don't know. It just all seemed too much. We agreed on being a couple in the grocery store, went home and spent the morning together and it was really nice, but then I just…" She was at a loss for words.

"Got scared?" Veronica finished for her. "Sara… Do you love Catherine?" She asked, looking over at her.

"We've only been going out for…"

"You've known her for years." Veronica interrupted her. "Do. You. Love. Her?"

"I…" Sara breathed deeply and looked over at her friend. "Yes. Yes, I love her."

"Ok then." Veronica smiled. "Now you gotta stop doing everything in your power to fuck it up."

"What?" Sara looked out the window. "I'm not trying to…"

"Yes you are." Veronica interrupted her again. "You do this all the time, Sass. You find someone who cares about you, and God forbid that anyone could care about you for being you. So you keep finding problems that aren't there to fuck up the relationship – romantic or not."

"You haven't known me in ten years, Foxy, you don't know anything about how I handle relationships."

"Really? Really? Ok, let's see what I don't know. You did it with your foster parents, your foster brother," She counted on her fingers while talking, "your social worker who went out of her way for you to have someone in your life you could trust, you did it to every single person you dated in college and you did it to me." She paused to take a deep breath. "That is all the things I don't know anything about, Sara, and you know what? I'll bet everything I own that you haven't changed that pattern. You want to, but it scares the crap out of you to even think about trying." She reached out and placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder. "You even did it when your mother tried to contact you."

"Get out." Sara started up the car.

"What? No." Veronica stayed put.

"Get out now!" She put the car in gear.

"No, Sara." Veronica reached over and grabbed the keys from the ignition. "I know you and I'm not just gonna run away at the first sight of trouble."

"Get out of the car Veronica. Now. Or I swear I'll throw you out of it." Sara could feel the anger burn inside her. "I mean it. If you know me as well as you think you do, you'll get out of this car right now."

"Ok." Veronica handed over the keys and opened the door. "But we're gonna have to talk sooner or later. If you want to be with Catherine, be with Catherine. At least make an effort to not run away from her."

Sara backed the car out of the driveway as soon as the other woman had closed the door. She realized in the back of her head that Veronica was right, but the anger soon put that thought aside. What the hell made Veronica think that she could talk to her like that?