XD This...by far was the strangest prompt I had to deal with. Right off the bat, you'll notice something off about one of the two. If you'd like you can look up the meaning of today's holiday yourself, though it'll be explained on the 13th as well. Let's call it...a change of pace? Oh, and to make it more involved, name that quote! So as always, leave reviews if you're enjoying the fic.

Tomorrow's will be fun. I like the prompts from the second(ish) half of the month a lot. :)

Note: The video that's mentioned in the very beginning of the chapter is My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry. It's not necessary to view it at all, but it is pretty funny.

I don't own Death Note.

December 12
Ding-A-Ling Day

To have said L was confused was an understatement. The sun hadn't quite risen and he sat at his laptop on the bed, busy with his research. However, Kira was not his present concern. At the moment, he found himself watching a mildly disturbing video with an American man playing guitar and singing about…well, pretending to sing about bells. L could see through the innuendo easily enough, but was…that…really what the day's holiday was about? He frowned. Surely there had to be some other way, some other interpretation of a ding-a-ling…

As L began to open up a new search browser page to continue his investigation, he felt a hand shoot out and grab for his arm. His head snapped to face the direction of the appendage, coming face-to-face with Light. His eyes were filled with what looked like a horrible sort of darkness, making his blood want to run cold. The younger man opened his mouth to speak, L holding his breath. He knew it was going to happen, but he never expected it to be now and –

"Excuse me, I would like to buy a fish license please."

Blink.

What the…

"Light…?"

Light sat up, but kept that iron grip on L's arm. "Right. Now, I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head. How many pints do you want?"

Of what? Trying to remain composed, L replied slowly, "Six?"

"Yogurt?"

Very discretely, the detective backed up an inch or two. "No, not yogurt…"

"Cream?"

Was Light high? L didn't keep any drugs in the bathroom that he knew of… "No…"

Light tilted his head to the side. "Eggs?"

"No."

The younger man sighed, finally releasing L's arm. He looked to him again with the utmost seriousness on his face. "Right. Well, you're quite clearly suffering from a repressive libido complex, probably the product of an unhappy childhood, coupled with acute insecurity in adolescence, which has resulted in an attenuation of the libido complex."

"…Light."

The other man just stared blankly. Well, that was assuring.

"Pardon my language…but what the fuck are you talking about? Did you get drugs from Misa or something?" His large eyes observed the auburn-haired man with trepidation.

Light frowned. "Don't you shout at me, madam, don't come that tone. Now then, I must ask you to accompany me down to the dairy and do some aptitude tests."

Even being a genius couldn't help L formulate a proper response. Really, he did try. What was even going on? It was then in his confusion that Light leaned in absurdly close to his ear. The detective didn't appreciate the sudden intrusion into his bubble but the other man showed no sign of noticing his discomfort.

He whispered quickly into his ear, "Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunch time."

The look of pure horror on L's normally bored-looking façade was nothing short of comical, but there wasn't really anyone around to take in the sight. It was then that L leapt off the bed with speed not unlike a rabbit on crack. He quickly turned around, making sure Light was still in his sight and unable to sneak up on him again. L had to make sense of the situation, because frankly…he was becoming seriously creeped out.

Light released a great sigh and got off of the bed himself. "It was only a minor earthquake, but the etch-a-sketch gallery was ruined…"

Time to run some tests. He could feel his fingers twitch at his side. "Light, what is your favorite color?"

Light then froze for exactly one minute and three seconds. Not a muscle twitched during this time. Was he Kira, as he'd always suspected, and today was the day he'd finally lost himself and gone insane? There was still the chance that he was heavily…heavily under the influence. But when could've that happened?

Light's voice rang out clearly, as if he hadn't taken the strange pause at all. "Dioxizine violet."

"…what is your current age?"

The younger man paid no heed to the most recent question for the time being, walking over to the large closet. Rather than changing into something of his own, he tossed his sleeping shirt to the ground and donned one of L's white long-sleeved shirts. Well, at least L could pick out an emotion other than confusion…acute annoyance.

"e divided by the square root of seven."

It was then that L stepped out of the room wordlessly into the hallway. He sat down and started playing Tetris, praying to whatever gods there were that he'd not have to face Light for…any amount of time. He wasn't picky now. His brain was thoroughly disoriented.

Sometime later (L hadn't kept track of time) he felt eyes upon him again. He was not going to look up, because eye contact would only encourage him and –

"Meow."

Well, he had lied to himself. He ended up looking up to meet Light's gaze. The man appeared lucid…at the moment.

Hesitantly, L replied, "…woof?"

"YOU'RE THE WORST PONY EVER AND I HATE YOU!"

Light sped into the kitchen and L stared a moment before continuing his game of Tetris.

It was fifteen minutes this time before Light returned. L steeled himself for another totally irrelevant and quite possibly disturbing statement.

Light sat down across from him very carefully with his legs crossed. He rubbed his eyes a few times.

"Is there something you'd like to say, Light?"

Light nodded.

"Well…?" Oh, why was he even encouraging him?

"Your hair…is really big." His eyes widened…perhaps more than should have been possible. He continued in almost a whisper, "Is it filled with secrets?"

"Not…exactly…"

He let out a sigh of relief. "Well, it's a good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea rhinoceros undergarments."

"…"

"Excuse me, I need to get a food out of the oven."

Once again, Light scrambled back into the kitchen. L banged the back of his head on the wall several times. He had brain cells to spare, anyway.

A strangled cry came from the kitchen. Several pots and pans crashed to the floor and a rubber duck was heard.

"COMMUNISTS STOLE MY JUICE BOX!"

L buried his face in his hands. "Kira…if you have any soul, please kill me now."

Light was currently chewing on some of L's hair. He spit it out in disgust.

"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! YOU DON'T SMELL LIKE SANTA!"

L stared blankly at him. "Santa doesn't exist."

Light gaped.

"Boo, you whore!"

…and ran off sobbing.

He stopped keeping track of time and his phone was rapidly losing battery power from playing Tetris non-stop. L had beaten his highest score more times than he cared to count, and Light was currently coloring in a coloring book on the ground a few feet away. He seemed to be favoring the…white crayon?

He inhaled deeply all of a sudden. "There is so much AIR in this room!"

"Yes, there is."

"I need some new quilting patterns."

"Oh."

"May I caress your rusty spoons?"

"For whatever reason…that makes me feel very uncomfortable, Light-kun." Well, as if he didn't feel that way already.

He put his hands on his hips, a frown on his face. "That's MISTER doctor professor Patrick to you!"

"Right."

Excitedly, Light crawled over to L's form, still sitting against the wall. Fighting the urge to flinch, he let the man whisper something into his ear. Surely, he'd be able to put up with whatever it was by this point.

After Light drew away, L calmly stood and walked into the bathroom. He then proceeded to take a two-hour long shower.

Grinning, Light went to go flop down on top of the messily made bed. Ryuk poked his head into the room from out of one of the walls. The Shinigami chuckled in delight.

"Ahhh, Light! You really got him today, didn't you?"

He stretched, feeling rather satisfied with himself. "Mmm, yes. It was his own fault though that he wasn't aware of the implications of today's holiday. I've always been the one following along with his harebrained schemes."

Ryuk entered the room more fully, floating over to stand a few feet from Light. "Your acting skills are still as sharp as ever, I see. His horror…ah, I could barely help myself!" The death god continued chortling.

"I don't know if I can go on like that, though… Should I go ahead and give up the act whenever he's finished cleansing himself properly?" He was lucky that he'd watched as much Monty Python as he had when her sister had gone through that British humor phase, but he was running low on nonsensical phrases and it was just mentally taxing.

The Shinigami protested, "Oh, it's been so entertaining watching him squirm in discomfort…it's a shame to let it end!" It was then that Ryuk noticed the bizarre ring on the man's finger. "Eh? Light, why are you still wearing those noodles?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Why's that? I myself would rather eat food, but you humans can be strange…"

Light brought his left hand up to his face and examined the arts and crafts project gone horribly wrong. "No reason."

A/N: What was the last thing Light whispered to L? :D
Answer: "If I said you had beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected."