Misc: Again, nothing much to say here. This just continues where we left off in the prior chapter.

Chapter Three

She didn't know how often it might have happened, but to the best of her knowledge, Janelle wasn't aware of feeling as nervous as she did now. Hell, even when before the Council, her duty as a soldier had kept her from balking. It had been such an impersonal and formal situation, it hadn't bothered her. But when things got down to individual issues… well, after how badly her personal life seemed to have gone, she didn't know what to expect but the worse.

And how could she expect nothing else in her current situation?

After waking up still in her armor while having a dull pain in her head and vague recollections of being in the bar Eternity with Garrus – and considering her latest revelation regarding the turian – she was honestly terrified what she might have said. And after asking EDI how she had gotten to her quarters then making the mistake of talking to both Kelly and Joker and hearing their taunts of how she was all over Garrus… she could barely hear anything past the pounding in her ears and she felt utterly cold and tense as she made her nervous trek down to the gunnery control station.

She couldn't enjoy going to see Garrus all because she had to be damn worried about what she might have said to him while she was drunk.

It was frustrating, these last few days, being around the turian. Realizing that she didn't want to see him as a friend anymore, she kept hearing Kaidan's voice in her head. Especially that one time he accused her of having an alien fetish because of all the time she spent with the aliens on their crew rather than him. Hell, now that she was aware that she actually had been drawn to Garrus all this time and that – on her part – their constant teasing had been acts of flirtation… she could easily understand how Kaidan had grown to be jealous. And right now… she didn't blame him. He had every right.

Janelle just hated thinking that here Kaidan wanted to fix things and she had no desire to.

All because she was constantly thinking about that turian that kept messing around with her ship's guns…

Signaling open the door to the gunnery control station, Janelle took a moment to enjoy the sight of Garrus's body. Perhaps it was wrong, but she didn't care. She had always thought that for a turian, he was good looking and doubted that he would have had trouble with their females. And she didn't see the scars as a hindrance either… not while she thought they added a certain flavor to the vigilante's more apparent badass reputation. However now, she wasn't just making the assessment with some sense of impartial outlook. Now, she was seeing him as handsome – and breathtaking – in her own eyes. She didn't see him as a turian when she looked at him.

She saw Garrus, the sapient being that admired her, trusted her, and had always stood by her side.

Of course she was finding him desirable.

This mission they were on, it was a suicide mission. And of her original crew, Garrus was the first to put his neck on the line right there with her. And he didn't let their unexpected association with Cerberus lead to any doubt in her intentions. She was glad for that. Glad that he had so much trust in her when Kaidan didn't.

Although… she hated that fact to.

"Still occupying yourself with the Normandy's weaponry?" she began as she walked up to stand near him, trying hard to force down the sudden light-heartedness that soared through her as Garrus turned his gaze onto her. "You're pretty dedicated in seeing that they're up and running, aren't you?"

"Given they're my upgrades, I doubt things will go over well if they're not functioning perfectly when we go after the Collectors," the turian returned with amusement. "Anyhow, it's good to see you up and about, Shepard. You should be a little more careful about your limits…"

"Yea, yea… I know. The whole inconvenience of me dying," Janelle groaned before giving an uneasy shift, wishing he hadn't reminded her so quickly why she was down here. But no point in stalling. "Anyhow, Garrus, I just wanted to come down and apologize for anything I might have said while I was drunk…"

"If you're worried about mentioning your problems, you shouldn't be…" he started as shook his head and his attention went back to the console before him. "I thought we touched on that…"

"No, that's not the part I'm worried about," she interrupted him as she took a step closer and resting a hand against his shoulder, gently nudging him to signal to turn his gaze back to her. He did, his eyes somber as he stared at her, his mandibles giving what seemed like a questioning shudder. It only made her more apprehensive, her fingers fidgeting against his armor. "Um, what I meant was to apologize for anything I might have said that was well, embarrassing or… inappropriate. That is if I said anything along those lines?"

She didn't like the jerky twitch of his mandibles this time. And she especially didn't like how he turned away again. Not as none of those actions seemed to correlate with his words. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just some drunken rambles, but nothing more…"

"Bullshit, Garrus," she snapped, her hand at his shoulder, shoving him this time to face her. "Don't get evasive on me otherwise I know I said something incredibly stupid and…"

"Ignorable," the turian cut in, moving one hand to take a firm hold of hers and slowly drag the limb away from him and back to her side before releasing. "It wasn't a lie to say that it's nothing to worry about. After all it was just you and myself. No one else has any idea what happened. So why does it matter?"

"You know when you say it like that, you only make me feel worse," Janelle grumbled back as she crossed her arms and leant back against the console, effectively setting herself between him and his work. If he wanted to try to ignore her that way, he'd be hard pressed. Though she half wished he'd try. He breathing suddenly hitched at the thought of his arms going around her…

Her wandering thoughts were pulled back to the present however as Garrus gave a short laugh, crossing his arms as well as he leaned back, seeming to regard her with amusement. "Yea, I guess you're right. Well, just trust me that whatever was said was pretty trivial and nothing to worry about. That is except one thing…" As the turian took a moment to pause, his eyes went somber as he stared down at her, Janelle's own gaze regarding his with question. Though she didn't have to rely on silent inquire long… "I'm just wondering how you feel about the issue with Alenko, given that I don't think you remember talking to me about him in Eternity.

"Told me about his message and you're more frustrated with yourself than him…"

"In what way?" she returned, raising an eyebrow.

"Because Alenko might want to fix things. You don't. You said that you don't believe that you ever loved him."

"Guess I needa watch myself more when I start drinking. I've no idea what I might end up telling you then," she gave a sigh, trying to joke, but… she failed. Not as it was a truth she knew and wanted to avoid. She really didn't need to start making drunken confessions of desires around him. She didn't exactly mind him knowing the truth of her thoughts regarding her and Kaidan, but she wished she said something sober and not while inebriated. "But, yea… that's why I was trying to drown myself in alcohol, I guess. Just wanted to forget about all those issues for a moment…"

"Still think you're better off without him?"

"I'm not up for dealing with him and the drama that'll come up," Janelle nodded, picking at the hem of one of her gloves. "I told you about the fights. I don't want to go back to that…"

"Good. Just wanted to know that wasn't just the alcohol talking."

"It wasn't. Now… seriously, there's nothing else I said that really would be a problem getting around?"

"Nothing else, Shepard," Garrus shook his head before letting his arms relax as he took to pacing before her. "I know how your enemies tend to have a way of dying. I'm not interested in invoking any such wrath from you. Even if you said anything, I'm not about to start spreading some gossip for the crew."

"Good, as they've got enough for either of us to deal with."

"Oh? What do you mean by that?" he asked, halting and turning to regard her curiously.

With a deep breath, Janelle paused, trying to figure out how to phrase her words without making any unnecessary implications. "Well… Kelly's started speculating that there's… something between us," she said slowly, waving a hand between them and noting the surprised blink that the turian gave. "And Joker was only eager to cash in on the mockery…"

"Well… that is a bit awkward," he murmured, shifting with an uneasy step, his eyes not even meeting hers comfortably. "Ah, sorry about this, Shepard. I wasn't attempting to make people think that way of you earlier. I hope it doesn't make things more difficult for you with… whoever you're pursuing now…"

"Huh? What makes you think I'm pursuing anyone?" the infiltrator gave a jerk as her brows furrowed, trying to figure out why he might think that. She couldn't figure out anyone of the crew whom she spoke with more over another, aside from Garrus, of course. But… the way he was acting, she didn't think he meant him. "What are you talking about?"

"Huh, as we left Eternity… you mentioned something about wanting to be with someone who might prove to be… a difficulty. I thought…"

"As far as I know, I don't have anything to worry about there," she shook her head, replying quickly as she hoped he didn't come to the conclusion that she had meant him in whatever drunken rambles she had made. She was just glad that obviously, she mustn't have mentioned her exact feelings for him. "I don't exactly see many choices. I mean, Jacob, he… he seems a bit too naïve for me, believing in Cerberus. And that just makes me think of how naïve Kaidan is and , ugh… don't tell me that I need to explain how that is unappealing to me.

"And just who else would there be? No one else that I can think of." She paused as she gave a shrug and turned her gaze away from his. "I've no idea who I meant, at least… that I care to tell you," Janelle added with a smirk as she looked back at him, pushing away from the console and letting her hands fall to her hips. "Besides for now… I think I'll be happy to deal without some drama. I thought I wouldn't have to put up with this kind of thing ever again."

"No offense, but I'm glad I haven't had any issues like that of late. One good thing of being frustrated with C-Sec's system and crime's seeming free-reign. Haven't been focused on anything else for awhile…"

"Oh, you would be," the former Alliance soldier gave another scoff. "Given the amount of time you spend around big guns… I imagine you enjoy making love to that sniper rifle of yours enough that you don't feel nearly so lonely."

"It is rather enjoyable when I line up a perfect headshot and I can't wait to see how the new cannons fare against the Collectors. I can't deny that… but it's hardly lonely when you're constant company. That and you're consistency in trying to steal my headshots."

"You're fault for not having a fast enough trigger finger," she counter with delight before she took a few steps towards Garrus, meeting his gaze once more with inquiry. "So there really isn't anything else that I might have said?"

"Nothing important," he shook his head, his mandibles softly easing away from his face before returning to their relaxed position.

"Fine, fine, Turian," she groaned, rapping her knuckles against his chest piece, but she continued to smile as she couldn't help but once more express her gratitude in his company. "And Garrus… thanks again. I… I don't know what I'd do without you here."

"You'd go on. You always do."

"I guess I'd have to, but still… I'm glad you're here and… look, I promised to help Miranda with her sister. So if you find out about Sidonis. Anything at all, let me know," she said softly, resting a hand on his shoulder guard.

"I… sure," the vigilante nodded before adding with quiet caution. "Shepard… you know you don't have to do this."

"And since when have I ever had to do anything? Garrus… you're one of the closest friends I have. One of the best I could wish for," Janelle admitted with a smile… which slid away as she added with melancholy, "And you joined up on a mission that could be your last. If that is what has to happen, the least I could do is make sure you're granted some peace before the end." She didn't let him get a chance to give his opinion on the matter. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't like thinking that she'd follow her to his death not with how every fiber of her being wanted to scream at him that she didn't want his death, but for him to live… to always be there at her side.

And she didn't want to just dwell on the melancholy.

"Besides… we've got rumors going around the ship that the commander has a certain interest in her gunnery officer. Figured I could do you a favor of having to give you that kind of embarrassment," she smirked a last time before stepping away from the finally time. "Well, better get moving before people start thinking there's more going on in here than talking."

Again she didn't give him a chance to respond, however this time it was due to embarrassment on her part… and the desire to kick herself. Why did she have to let such a suggestion slip from her mouth? Like that was going to help things. And did she have to put the notion in his head? She had no idea what she wanted to do in regards to her own desires with him, but… she didn't need to make him uncomfortable with the thoughts of a… a dalliance with the commander of the ship he was now serving on. Especially not when said commander was already showing an interest in him and everyone knew they had a history. Not a romantic one, but enough of one that it really wasn't unlikely to think anything could happen between them.

Reaching the elevator and watching the doors close, Janelle slumped back against the cool, metal wall, throwing her head back and thumping a fist against the wall. Why the hell did she have to be so worried over this? And why did she have to think that she wanted something more between her and Garrus? Before she contemplated such, things were hardly so frustrating. And now that she had to have that chance thought… hell, was she ever going to get away from the drama?

With an aggravated groan, Janelle keyed the elevator to start moving. She couldn't stay in here long and think she'd have sufficient privacy; someone could easily walk in. But not like she really wanted any real privacy anyhow. She didn't need to sit up in her room, mulling over her new predicament. If she could have, she would have stuck around with Garrus a little longer, but with the new rumor cropping up on the Normandy, she didn't want to feed it fuel.

At least the Normandy wasn't lacking of people to talk to. Or old friends.

"Hey, Tali. How are things going down here?" Janelle quickly called out having made her way to the Engineering deck and moving to stand near the quarian. "Enjoying working on this Normandy as much as the old one?"

"Oh, hey Shepard. And yes, I'm glad to be working on the Normandy again, especially with all the improvements," the quarian responded, quickly turning to face the human and with her voice sounding awfully chipper, Janelle couldn't help but smile. "Anyhow, I'm glad you're fine now. Garrus mentioned that you drank a bit too much at Eternity."

"Yea… and I hope I never make that mistake again," Janelle muttered, crossing her arms as she leaned back against some railing. "I'm hoping I didn't make a fool of myself around Garrus. He won't say anything if I did."

"Do you really think he would if it meant admitting that you're anything less than what we believed you to be? We all admired you, Shepard, but Garrus was really the only one that seemed to refuse to let your memory die," Tali replied softly before her hand made the gesture to follow her. Janelle followed her friend, walking out to the drive core before the quarian spoke again. "Sorry. I just don't really care to have Donnelly listening in on our conversation. Not that he'll necessarily do any harm…"

"You just don't like him, huh? He seems like a fun guy to me."

"Maybe to you, but having to listen to his comments about Miranda and… me. If there's one thing I miss about the old Normandy, it was the old crew. I never heard about how my suit was 'snug in the right places,'" Tali said with evident disgust as she paced along the walkway. "I have to restrain myself from firing my shotgun at him! It's maddening!"

"I guess you don't have to deal with teasing like that much back on the Fleet, huh?" Janelle responded, calmly and with understanding. "Probably comes with being an admiral's daughter.

"Donnelly is probably used to Alliance women. The men tease us about how good we look in armor and we knock them upside the head. And the men just find it all amusing…"

"That sounds horribly frustrating, but you're probably right. I got some privileges in life, but still… it's just not part of quarian culture to mock. We have to rely on each other and the worse thing we can do is make enemies amongst each other," Tali said with a slightly sorrowful drone before sighing and shaking her head. "But that's not what I was hoping to talk to you about. We were talking about Garrus and… what happened after you, well… you died.

"He wanted us to continue what work you started, but… with you gone, most of us made up our excuses. Alenko wasn't about to fight your Alliance and thought that if he stuck with them, he could do some good. Same went for most of the other humans on your crew.

"And the rest of us… I don't really know what happened to Liara. She kinda just left when she realized the crew was as good as gone. But Wrex… the krogan figured he might have a chance with his people and I can't blame him for wanting to go back to his people, Shepard…"

"Of course, you couldn't, Tali," Janelle had to smile, even as her heart was breaking from what she was hearing. She knew that her 'death' had caused so many pains amongst her crew and she hated hearing it. She hated hearing how they all faced difficulties in the wake of that event. And she didn't like hearing more of how Garrus suffered, but… she was glad that at least her friends hadn't changed from being themselves. Instead they seemed to have gained a greater realization of that which was more important to them; she was glad to hear that Wrex hadn't given up on his people and Tali was still loyal to hers. "The Fleet should consider themselves grateful to have such a devoted person as a member of their civilization. They should be proud."

"Thanks, Shepard. And I think they are… especially Father," the quarian nodded, her voice carrying the soft smile the Spectre wished she could see. "So I guess you cans see why I had to take the chance to return to my people. I didn't like it and I felt bad for Garrus. We all did. He didn't want to go back to C-Sec and I guess he couldn't take it, given Omega. He couldn't take on the geth, go after the Reapers, but he didn't want to stop fighting the injustice in the galaxy. I think it shows you that he wasn't willing to let you die in any way. He followed your steps more than any of us."

"And he feels like he failed that attempt," Janelle sighed, leaning against the railing and looking down to her feet as she scuffed her boots against the metal grating. "I mentioned to you about how his squad died on Omega, because one of them betrayed him, right? I don't think that he could have ever saw it coming and he won't hear me when I say that. I wish he would. It wasn't his fault that his men died.

"I guess he feels like he failed more than just his men…"

"You can't blame him if he did. We were at a point of desperation, Shepard. We knew that if we didn't stop the Reapers once and for all, everything would end eventually. We just had to grab what we had at the time and try to make the most of it. And I guess… Garrus felt like he failed at that. Any of us would have." Again there was a sigh from Tali before she added softly, and thankfully, "I'm glad you're alive Shepard. And I'm glad we don't have to worry that the Reapers are going to win. You're going to stop them. There's no one else that can so I refuse to believe that you can't."

"We still have the Collectors to deal with…"

"And you'll succeed. You make it a habit to force people to rethink what is impossible. I want to see you do that again. I'm glad I'm here with you again, even though we have to rely on Cerberus. I'm glad that you have no trust in them and that they've done enough to make it impossible to have it…"

"I'd feel like I'm betraying my unit, humanity, the whole galaxy… and all my friends if I did trust them," Janelle said mournfully. "I feel bad having to drag you in with them, but I do need people I can trust, Tali."

"I understand and that's why I'm here," the quarian nodded before tentatively taking a step towards the commander and slowly drawing her arms around her. "You're one of the best friends I could have ever hoped to find. And I'm glad that I had the chance to meet you and gain your friendship. I could never turn my back on you."

"I'm glad I met you as well. I'd never have been made a Spectre or gotten the evidence against Saren without you," Janelle admitted, giving a soft squeeze in her friend's embrace. "We really couldn't have done it without you."

"Thanks, Shepard. That means a lot," Tali nodded as they released each other and she stepped back. "But there's something I wanted to ask about as well. Um… well…

"Donnelly mentioned some sort of rumor going around about you and Garrus being an item…"

"That's just because Garrus had to help me up to my room after I was enough of a fool to drink more than I could handle," Janelle replied quickly, waving a dismissive hand, hoping that Tali wasn't suddenly going to start thinking that she had a thing for Garrus… even if that was the truth. "I think Joker just wanted something to mock me about and Kelly, well… she's Kelly. I get the picture she likes to see drama happen. Not in a bad way, but… she likes it when things are amusing and… it just doesn't leave things seeming stagnant."

"And I don't know whether to take your denial as truth or something said out of embarrassment," Tali teased with a laugh that made Janelle imagine that the girl was wearing a smirk and cocking an eyebrow beneath her helmet… or at least whatever was the quarian equivalent of an expression holding both skepticism and amusement. "I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you that it's something that anyone could have seen coming, given the circumstances.

"You've always been one to embrace other races, Shepard. You really made us feel welcomed on the Normandy. We were all close… and I've always thought you were closest to Garrus, especially when on the battlefield, the both of you able to joke with each other under fire.

"In truth… I always thought it was… odd to see you with Alenko," her friend said, treading cautiously with her words. "I never understood what it was you saw in him. I could see what he saw in you, but… Alenko? You just never laughed around him like you would with Garrus. Or even smile. You'd smile for hours around Garrus even when there was nothing to smile about.

"I guess when you were together in privacy things were different…"

"Not really," Janelle shook her head, very slowly as she found herself surprised by Tali's words. She couldn't say that she imagined the quarian would rebuke her for having interest in the turian, except perhaps in regards to her past relationship with Kaidan. But neither could she imagine having someone tell her that she should be with Garrus. "Things weren't well between us. I guess he saw the same thing you mentioned. I think Kaidan was jealous not only of how close I was to you, Wrex, and Garrus… but just how it seemed like… I was finding the turian more than just a friend…"

"So you do like Garrus?" Tali questioned, softly, but with obvious zeal.

"You sound excited there, Tali," the infiltrator had to remark with a smirk.

"Well, I… I just didn't know if I might be analyzing too much or something. Spending too much time with engines, you know…" the quarian reminded, holding a hand out and looking towards the drive core before turning her visor back to Janelle. "Of course, it's not just the thought that I was right. But like I was saying, the two of you always seemed so close and then seeing how distraught he really was without you… I've been thinking that the two of you might be cute together.

"That and I'd rather see you with Garrus than Jacob."

"Trust me, Jacob has barely crossed my mind," Janelle gave a soft chuckled, smiling but keeping her head lowered. Finally she continued on, her voice still quiet, "Tali… maybe this is a little ridiculous to ask you, but… you where there when everything went to hell amongst the crew. So… do you think… Garrus might be offended by a relationship with a… well, a human?"

"I think anyone would find it hard to turn you down, Shepard. I mean… you're Commander Shepard. They'd think of themselves as a fool to lose a chance with you," Tali said with a measurable amount of cynicism in her voice before her tone was serious once more. "But no… I don't think he'd be offended, Shepard. He admires and respects you and… I think he sees you as his closest friend. He wouldn't risk losing you…"

"Tali, I don't want him to agree to being with me because he's worried that if he doesn't, we won't be friends anymore. And I don't want him thinking that because I'm Commander Shepard he'd be a fool to refuse me."

"That's not what I meant," the quarian countered, shaking her head. "But he does admire and respect you greatly because you're Commander Shepard. You won't be able to get away from that.

"But when I said he won't risk closing you… he lost you once, Shepard. Do you really think he's willing to see you slip away again? Whether or not he realizes it, I think a part of him also realized that whatever was between the two of you, it was more than just friendship. But I don't think he'll admit to that consciously by himself. He's not going to step into boundaries that he feels are beyond him. None of us would. I know that because of Alenko. Garrus, Wrex, and I… none of us really saw what there might have been to draw you to him, but that wasn't our business. It was yours and we weren't about to question you.

"And I guess you can imagine that he probably knows of the unmentioned stigma of relations between a turian and human. He'd never overstep that boundary because he does respect you and given that, like you said, he feels like he failed his men, he might feel like he's really too beneath you for anything like that. Like you deserve better."

"So you think I should break the ice and make him realize that he's not, for his own sake?"

"And because you know you want that for him and you care deeply for him," Tali added and Janelle was certain she could hear a smirk in that voice. "Glad that this isn't just a pointless rumor wandering through the ship…"

"Ha ha. Go ahead and find some amusement in this, Tali," Janelle laughed herself as she shook her head. "But I need to think about this first. Give things some time before anything, well… happens. Well, I might as well head back up to my room. My mother's getting pretty annoyed that I haven't sent her any messages yet. Might as well now before we head out tomorrow to look for the assassin. And this time I promise I won't get drunk." She turned to leave, but stop and spun back around, cocking a brow as she regarded her friend. "You know, I have to say… I'm surprised that I had to come to you to hear and realize this…"

And once again, Janelle heard that smirk in her friend's voice. "What can I say? I learned from the best."

Endnote: So I threw in Tali, because I love her so. ^_^ I'm hoping for her to continue to have a decent part in the story and I hope that she wasn't OoC, though I do see that she's grown up a good bit since the first game and someone that can and will confide a lot with Shepard and vise versa. And I dunno, I had this thought that she definitely realized a lot about those around her in the wake of Shepard's 'death.' That and she's got this thing about not trusting Cerberus, so I can see her wanting Shepard with someone she's more liable to trust and not speak to with disgust... all the time. XP

So next... the loyalty mission... one of my most favorite moments of the game. ^_^

R&R