Reviews make my day, so please let me know what you think of this. And thank you to you girls who have reviewed on chapter 4. I will try to update next week as well, but I give no guarantees, because Monday I start Operation 25th Anniversary.

As always the biggest thank you to Jess, you are so the best!

Enjoy…

Chapter Five

Talking

Sara sat in her car thinking. She'd been sitting there for over an hour. She had only put in two hours of overtime this morning. She knew she had things to do and somewhere to be, but she was lacking the courage. Catherine had left as soon as shift had finished, Warrick had told her so when she'd met him in the corridor. She hadn't said goodbye to her before leaving and Sara wasn't sure how to take that. She suspected it was because of what she had said about Lindsey thinking that her mother was a… she couldn't even bring herself to think it. Catherine was not a… slut. But Lindsey had gotten that impression somehow, and what could Sara do about that even if the girl did think that?

Once again she found herself thinking about what she could offer Catherine. She heard Veronica's voice filling her head. 'Every time someone starts caring about you, you run away as fast as you can. You deliberately fuck up every relationship in your life. You have to stop doing that, Sara. You deserve to be loved, hon.'

Veronica. She had hurt her friend, she had threatened her – something she had never done to anyone before. Was she slowly turning into him? He was a bigger part of her life than she would ever admit and she had always feared that she was like him. Now she was even more scared that there was a murder gene. She picked up her phone, dialed a now familiar number and waited for someone to answer.

"Hello." A sleepy voice said.

"Veronica?" Sara asked.

"No, it's Kim. Who is this?"

"It's Sara. Is Veronica up?"

"No, she's still sleeping. Hang on a sec." Sara could hear rustling of sheets and a door closing before Kimberly started talking again. "She's having trouble sleeping, so I really don't want to wake her. Is it important?"

"No it's… I just wanted to talk to her, I forgot it's still early. I didn't know she had trouble sleeping."

"You know how she likes to have everyone think she's strong." Kimberly said with a sigh. "She's making me go back to work Monday and if that isn't bad enough she's going back to work herself Wednesday."

"What? Is she strong enough for that? I mean, what do the doctors say?" Sara was worried about her friend overdoing it.

"The only doctor she's listening to is Doctor Veronica Christiansen." She ran a hand through her hair. "She's assured me that it's only light duty and she won't overdo it, but I'm not so sure I believe her."

"I'm sorry, Kim." Sara didn't know how to make the detective feel better.

"Yeah, look, Sara, I have to go, Julie's waking up. I'll get Veronica to call you later."

"No, it's ok, I'll just come by or call her later. Talk to you Monday."

"Yeah. Talk to you then."

Sara hung up with a sigh. Like Kimberly, she wasn't sure that Veronica was ready to go back to work yet. She started the car and backed out from the parking space – things to do, places to be.

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Catherine turned in bed with a sigh. She'd only had a couple of hours of sleep before waking up again, and she couldn't fall back to sleep. She hadn't said goodbye to Sara before leaving, she just hadn't had the energy to deal with the inevitable questions the brunette would ask. She felt bad about it, but Lindsey was and would always be her first priority, and she needed sleep if she was going to spend the day with her daughter. So she had avoided Sara on purpose – and still she wasn't getting any sleep. She turned over again hoping it would help but it didn't, she was wide awake and had too many thoughts running wild in her head to get any rest. She lifted her head, looking at the closed bedroom door when she heard the doorbell ring. She dropped her head back in the pillows with a sigh, deciding that her mother could deal with whoever was at the door.

She needed to do something about her daughter. She needed to have a serious talk with Sara. She needed to find out exactly what Sara wanted from her. She turned over again with a sigh. She really needed to sleep.

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Sara stood outside Catherine's door with her hands in her pockets. She wasn't sure how she was going to do this, she wasn't even sure what she was going to do at all. She wanted to change her habits of running away from people who cared about her, she wanted to be with Catherine. She wanted to… She turned towards the door when it opened.

"Hello, Sara." Catherine's mother greeted her.

"Mrs. Flynn, hi." Sara suddenly felt like a teenager at a friend's house again. "Did Catherine get back home yet?" She asked, trying not to show how nervous she was.

"She's sleeping." Lily said, watching Sara closely.

"Oh right." Sara nodded. "Is Lindsey up yet?"

"Yes," Lily opened the door fully to let her in. "She's in the backyard. She had a fight with Jeremy and went out there to cool off."

"Right, I'll just…" Sara pointed towards the doors leading to the backyard, "go talk to her."

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Catherine wondered briefly who was at the door, but quickly forgot about it again as other subjects pushed their way into her thoughts again. She wanted to be in a relationship with Sara, she really did, but was it all worth it? Would the brunette be able to overcome her insecurities and really be with Catherine? And what about Lindsey? How was she going to convince her that she wasn't a… a slut, basically. She had tried so hard for years to show her little girl that she was a professional, self confident and strong woman. She had tried to give her something to look up to, but now she realized that she had failed. She had failed as a parent.

She turned over again and didn't even try to stop the tears falling. How could she not have noticed that she had failed her little girl?

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Sara closed the doors quietly behind her before walking over to the girl sitting at a table on the porch.

"Hi, Lindsey." She said, sitting down opposite her.

Lindsey looked up at her and Sara noticed the sad expression on her face before it was quickly masked with disinterest.

"What do you want?" She asked looking away from her crossing her arms over her chest.

"I wanted to talk to you." Sara tried to get eye contact with the young Willows, but didn't succeed. "I wanted to talk to you about your mother and me. About our relationship…" She stopped, at a loss for words.

"Like I care." Lindsey muttered. "I know what it's all about anyway."

"I don't think you do, Lindsey." Sara said softly. She looked out to the garden, away from the girl. "I care about Catherine. I care more about her than anyone I have ever cared about."

"As long as you don't have to deal with me." Lindsey said angrily.

"That's not true. I do want to spend time with you, but…" Sara stopped, wondering if Lindsey was still too young for this kind of conversation. "But I'm not good with people. I tend to mess things up even when I don't want to." She decided to risk talking to Lindsey as an adult. "I can't help it. It's something I've always done, but it's also something I want to change. I want to change for me and for your mom, but also for you. If I'm going to be in a relationship with your mother, I'm going to be in your life too and I don't want to mess up your life if it turns out that I'm going to fail. Do you understand that?"

"It feels like you don't like me." Lindsey muttered. "It's like you're like everyone else and just want to be with mom because she sleeps with you. They all have excuses why they don't want to spend time with me."

"This isn't an excuse…" Sara started.

"Yes it is!" Lindsey got up. "You tell me it's for my own good, but then how come I feel so bad? You're already messing things up!" She made a move to leave.

"No, wait." Sara held up her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm not explaining this right." She sighed and looked up at the girl. "I love her, Lindsey. I'm in love with her. I haven't even told her, but I'm telling you. I want to be with her and I want you and me to spend time together. I'm just…" She paused looking down at her hands, "I'm scared, Lindsey."

"Scared?" Lindsey sat back down. "Why?"

"Because I've never had a family." Sara said simply. "I never had people who cared about me just because."

"Why?" Lindsey leaned forward, opening up a little.

Suddenly Sara realized how young the girl really was and looked at her with a sad smile.

"It's a long story that I need to tell your mom before I even think about telling you."

"Ok." Lindsey leaned back again, but without the previous hostility in her body language. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "This could still be an excuse."

"It's not."

"She's sleeping." Lindsey changed the subject.

"Your grandmother told me." Sara stifled a yawn.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah, I should get going." Sara got up. "I promise to try harder, Lindsey." She said honestly – she was really going to try.

"If you stayed it would be easier not to run away." Lindsey mumbled, looking at her.

"I'm not sure Catherine wants me to be here today." Sara told her truthfully.

"You could ask her." Lindsey got up as well. "I can wake you up around two. I mean, I can just knock on the door."

Sara noticed the blush spreading on the girl's face, and felt her own face burning as well.

"I guess I could ask her." She smiled, trying to cover her embarrassment.

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Catherine didn't turn around when the door opened and someone entered the room. She heard someone walk softly to the bed and felt the mattress move when the person lay down behind her. She turned around and found herself looking at Sara.

"Sorry, I thought you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you." The brunette whispered.

"What are you doing here, Sara?" She whispered back.

"I came by to talk to Lindsey." She reached out to caress the blonde's cheek. "And she told me I could sleep here." She smiled. "If it was ok with you, that is. But I didn't want to wake you."

"You didn't." Catherine cuddled into the other woman. "Why are you still wearing your jeans and top?"

"Uhm, because Lindsey's going to wake us up later." Sara was happy that the room was too dark for Catherine to see the blush covering her cheeks.

"Oh." Catherine got up from the bed and found a t-shirt and a pair of shorts for Sara to wear.

"I'm sorry, Catherine." She whispered when she had changed and climbed back in bed.

"I know." Catherine felt the other woman's arms encircle her from behind, holding her close.

"I got scared."

The quiet admission surprised the blonde. She placed her hand over Sara's.

"We should sleep." She whispered.

"Yeah."

They shifted around finding a more comfortable position and settled down to sleep. Just as she was finally drifting off she heard Sara's whisper again.

"I love you, Catherine."