Finals week is madness. I'm looking forward to the upcoming chapters because of their subject matter and what's in store. Thanks for the wonderful feedback! :D Silliness this time around.
I don't own Death Note.
December 18
Roast Suckling Pig Day
"Ryuuzaki, do you still have any semblance of sanity left?" Light hissed. "After yesterday, wouldn't you think that – "
"As I said, Watari doesn't have to know. I feel perfectly fine now." Bundled up in more winter weather clothes than physically possible, L peered out of the tinted windows. The grocery store soon came into view with shoppers milling in and out with their green carts and bags of groceries. A few shot some odd looks at the expensive limousine that had decided to pull in.
"After all," L continued, "this will save us time and effort. And I am getting low on various items that are of the greatest necessity." He readjusted his three scarves meticulously.
Light sighed. "You know, at this point I think you're moving in the opposite direction. Instead of freezing to death, you're going to give yourself heat stroke with your countless layers of clothes."
"Your concern is touching. Now, get out."
Fighting the urge to grumble in protest, Light exited with L close behind. To his dismay, L insisted that they kept the chain on…in broad daylight. He began steeling himself for the undoubtedly horrendous amount of mortification he'd soon be subjected to. If he ran into anyone he actually knew, other than the task force…he'd prefer to face death. That sounded about right.
Temperatures had risen only slightly. L, still sensitive to the cold, went for the entrance of the store immediately. Light had little choice but to follow. A whoosh of warm hit his face upon going through the front doors as well as the distinct smell of cinnamon. All around the doors stood cinnamon-scented broomsticks, their fragrance dominating all other smells. A swift tug on the chain pulled him from his musings and toward the shopping carts.
"Light, I must make several things clear before we are to set out and obtain the pig."
How was it that the detective was making a simple shopping trip sound so incredibly serious? Light moved out of the way of other entering shoppers and crossed his arms. "All right. Go on. I'm listening."
"It's not often that I go to shop myself. This is always something that Watari does for me, as I find that I'm always indoors and working on cases. But, during the rare instances when I do shop, I am to sit inside of the cart."
"…What?" It was official. L was nothing more than a five-year-old. Light merely stared.
"Therefore, you will be pushing the cart. Our path will be determined by my directions. You will follow them without deviation, and you will acquire all items which are out of my reach. All items that I deem crucial for purchase will be purchased. The groceries I will pay for, rest assured." He tilted his head to the side slightly in thought. "That is all. Any further details will be shared when and if necessary."
Again, Light could find that his only response suitable was to continue to stare at the detective who didn't seem to mind at the slightest. Certainly it was enormously beneficial that the previous day L had managed to sleep for over six hours, an amount of time unheard of with his record…but Light was continuing to doubt whether or not he was really over the ordeal. Then again…
Done with waiting on the younger man to respond, L pulled out an empty cart and promptly hopped inside. The basket was collapsed for comfort purposes, allowing L to lean back while within the cart. He glanced back at Light, clearly waiting on him to take the hint and start pushing.
Great. It wasn't enough for him to be chained to another man. Oh god, no. He had to push the said man in a cart around the grocery store in addition to that. Swallowing what little pride he had left, Light trudged to the cart and took hold of the handles.
He felt eyes boring into him each and every second. It was positively maddening. L, accustomed to the ordeal, seemed to not care or take notice. Light doubted that L would care about their constant attention even if he were suddenly pants-ed in the middle of the store. He would just appear annoyed, pull them up, and carry on. How he envied him.
"That way." L pointed to the bakery section to the right. Of course.
As soon as they were in reach, L snatched baked good after baked good and set them in the cart with him. There were countless cookies, cupcakes of all kinds, strawberry cake, French silk pie, donuts… Light managed to catch sight of the price of each item and they were quickly adding up to be well over one eighty-three hundred yen. They hadn't even gone through the whole store yet! L, however, didn't appear concerned at the slightest.
Once done adjusting the boxes and other containers as he saw fit, he pointed off to the left. "Aisle Three, Light-kun."
Light grudgingly began to push the cart in that specified direction but soon found himself having to stop. Right in their path stood a little girl, perhaps no older than five, with large brown eyes and her hair in pigtails. She remained silent, but where he gaze was focused was apparent: L's cookies. The detective looked back to Light, as if expecting him to handle the situation.
However, it became painfully apparent that the younger man had no intention to do so. Frowning, L turned to face the girl again. His movement was limited with the food covering him, so all he could really do was shoo her away with his hands a bit.
"Go back to your parents, little girl… These are my cookies." He picked up the box, pulling it to his chest. "Mine. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"
The child most certainly did. Her eyes began to water, still gazing longingly at the cookies that L held.
Light let out a sigh. "And you accuse me of being a monster. Here." He snatched the box away from L, who let out a sound of protest.
Not caring all that much about the other man's dismay, he quickly opened the container and pulled out one of the cookies inside. It was covered with green and red sprinkles, shaped like a Santa Claus. He handed it to the girl who stared at it in awe. L had enough cookies, and if having a younger sister taught him anything growing up…it was best to let them have their way, else you would face the wrath of their parents.
A large grin spreading across her face, the girl then bounded off with the cookie in hand. L crossed his arms, looking straight ahead. Light couldn't help but to snort softly.
The coffee and tea aisle was Aisle Three. Well, at least at this juncture they'd both get something they wanted. After all, L had never said anything about him not getting anything… While L pulled into the cart perhaps a dozen different kinds of tea, Light momentarily stepped away to examine the wall of coffee. A familiar American-based coffee brand stood out with a sea siren on its label: Starbucks. He almost felt excited at the prospect, since his parents were never the ones to pay extra for expensive, imported coffees. He quickly pulled a dark blend and a house blend off of the shelf and returned to L.
L didn't seem to care all that much about the addition of coffee, staring at the box of Darjeeling in his hands. Before he even got the chance to rest his hands on the handle of the cart once more, L's voice rang out.
"Six pounds of sugar, please. I prefer cubes."
Slightly annoyed, Light meandered over to the area of the aisle in which he'd noticed those cubes. He'd nearly had a heart attack when just as he was reaching for a box, a certain Shinigami poked his head through. Not wanting to make L think that anything was awry, his entire body froze in response. He would not, could not, shout in surprise. The death god merely chuckled.
"Long time no see, Light…"
Glaring at Ryuk, he followed through and took the box of sugar cubes. It only equated to two pounds, however, so Light stacked two more in his arms. He turned around swiftly, headed back for the cart.
The same goes for you, Ryuk. I would ask where you've been, but it's unlike you to tell me.
The Darjeeling was in the cart now, but the detective seemed to be contemplating choosing either Twinings raspberry tea or a new Lipton raspberry tea with a pyramid-shaped tea bag. He placed the boxes of sugar on top of some sturdy cupcake containers.
Ryuk floated over to stand in front of the cart, examining its contents. "Oh, I've been around. Watching you the majority of the time, Light." He chuckled to himself. Light suddenly remembered how much he hadn't missed that sound. "It has been very entertaining…"
No longer feeling any urge to speak to the Shinigami any longer, Light said to L, "Are we done here yet?"
Finally choosing Lipton over the Twinings, the detective nodded. "Aisle Twelve."
The frozen dessert aisle. Why wasn't he surprised? However, mixing cold foods with L in the cart sounded a bit sketchy…
L seemed to have read his mind at once. "Everything we get here will be put onto the lower part of the cart below where I am sitting."
The main objective here was ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. L had him go past the inexpensive local brands and straight to the high-dollar section. They came face to face with an old friend there: Häagen-Dazs. Light opening the freezer door, L made quick work of grabbing practically every variety of ice cream the company offered for sale. Light could barely keep up with the man's speed as cartons were tossed at him to be placed below the cart. One container of butter pecan had nearly hit him in the head.
He heard a group of high school student that were shopping for pies further down the aisle, talked in hushed tones. Light kept his gaze focused on the bombardment of ice cream, however.
"Akira, we couldn't possibly…" a girl pleaded. "Didn't you hear the video?"
One of the young men merely laughed. "We're not criminals. Why would he target us for something so petty?"
"But if he knows we threw away the chance he gave us…he'll…he'll…"
"Kira's not going to do anything to us, Ayame. Will you just listen to Akira? I doubt Kira cares about stolen sleeping pills."
L suddenly paused, pulling out his cell phone. The freezer door closed softly. There was a considerable dent in the amount of ice cream left in there after the brief frenzy, he noticed. He composed a text with lightning speed, sending it to some obscure contact. Light couldn't rightly make out what it had said, but it clearly wasn't Japanese.
"We're done in this aisle, Light-kun. Let's go to get our primary item in the deli."
Nodding, Light took control of the cart once more. It took a considerable amount of strength to push it at this point, especially with the added weight of the detective. He himself wasn't heavy, but his thin frame added to roughly one-hundred pounds of groceries… Light had his work cut out for him.
Only until they were out of earshot of the group of youths did the detective speak again. "They will be apprehended in precisely three minutes."
Not looking back, Light replied casually, "What grounds do you have, other than audio?"
"They slipped three boxes of the medication in her purse. Specifically, the hidden zipper pocket on the inside."
Light paused. "Do you believe that Kira will target them on the new year?"
"Perhaps. I'll keep tabs on them so that we'll be able to find out."
Not a definite answer…but he was still being studied. Somewhere off in another aisle of the store, he could hear Ryuk chuckling to himself.
There, behind the glass was the whole purpose of the shopping trip. It sat beside large slabs of meat, such as the massive slabs of ribs. All that was necessary for its preparation was to simply stick it in the oven for a certain amount of time and there was your dinner: a quick and easy roast suckling pig. L eyed the thing warily.
"Are you certain it's edible?" he ventured.
"Have you ever eaten pork?"
"…"
Rolling his eyes, he stepped up to the counter of the deli. The employee working there gave the detective a strange look but quickly focused his attention back to Light. Two minutes later, the pig was in the cart. L held the pig corpse on his lap, poking at it through the wrapping curiously. He seemed to try to get to its eyes.
"We're done here," he suddenly announced. The dead pig continued to be prodded.
Light almost felt like jumping for joy. Almost.
Sadly, the check-out was to be less than easy.
Light had to load all of the items onto the counter for the cashier to check out by himself, seeing as though L was trapped underneath it all. Once they were all loaded, however, the detective stayed put. Therefore, he had to unload every single carton of ice cream and pile them up as well. Needless to say, the items on the counter towered over them.
While in the check-out lane, L quickly picked out a number of candy bars and added them to the purchase. The cashier carefully tried to scan each item of the tall mass of food, but the young woman suddenly stopped to a screeching halt. Her entire face turned cherry-red.
She had probably seen it, Light assumed. He opened his mouth, about to speak, when she suddenly held up a bit higher what exactly she had been looking at. It was a square-ish cardboard box that was relatively small in size. The only problem was, it didn't contain food. In her manicured hands with pink fingernails she held a box of condoms. Not just any condoms, either. Oh, no. They were even flavored. Strawberry, to be exact. Light could only stare at the thing in horror. If it wasn't enough that two men were going around in a public place chained together… Now this?
He immediately shifted his gaze to L, who noticed the thing perhaps at the same time. His mouth was agape and his eyes were just as wide as Light's. Oh, he was more than in shock. The detective was utterly mortified. He somehow tore his gaze away from the thing and focused on Light.
Almost simultaneously they said, "Did you – "
A tinge of red found its way to Light's face. "Of course not!"
Gathering his senses, L changed his expression to a mild scowl. "I had nothing to do with it, either." He switched his attention to the young cashier. "I apologize. If you would be so kind as to not add that to our purchase…"
"Y-yes, of course…" she sputtered. The thing was practically tossed into the next lane but ended up on a nearby counter as she sped to finish scanning the rest of the food.
Ryuk's chortling began anew.