Hello everyone! This chapter has been a long time coming, I know. It was an overwhelming semester in more ways than one. My plan had been to not upload the 31st until done or nearly done with January 1st, and so I went straight to work on HH as soon as Christmas vacation began. So here's a gift from me to you! :)
However, I must stress that you should read the author's note at the bottom of the chapter. Important stuff.
I'd suggest reading the ending portion of the previous chapter (30), as the scene is a direct pick-up from that point.
The songs that most heavily influenced the chapter were:
Prelude for piano No. 6 in B minor by Chopin
Prelude for piano No. 2 in A minor by Chopin
Ponponpon by Kyarypamyupamyu
Ponponpon was essentially the kind of music played at the New Year's party. A ficmix of these songs and more for this chapter in particular will be up sometime today. Check my profile for the link if you'd like to listen.
I don't own Death Note.
December 31
Unlucky Day and New Year's Eve
Light stopped in the middle of his voice and stared.
His mind ran through the three simple words rapidly; interpreting, decoding, analyzing, anything that could make it sound real. He had hesitated and L had beaten him to the punch, said it too quickly. By only the second word the plan he'd prepared and the breath in his lungs had halted at once. He couldn't hear anything in the insulated car except for the crescendo of his heart pounding in his ears.
L loved him.
His hand stilled absolutely over the stick shift and he supposed his watch was still ticking. All he found himself capable of was staring dumbly at L without a single thought in his head except for that L loved him. L's voice shattering the silence nearly made him wince.
"I have to apologize, Light," he spoke, volume somewhere between conversational and a whisper. His eyes were changeless. "I can't allow you to say whatever it is you were planning to tell me. Or rather, what you've been deciding to tell me now."
Discreetly as he could manage he took in a shallow breath. The silence in the car became painfully apparent, though. Despite the fact that he could barely even put together any single coherent sentence Light prepared himself for any sort of protest he could manage.
But again L's quick tongue silenced him. His ability to interrupt was indeed uncanny.
"Don't attempt to, please." L's eyes flitted to Light's still-hovering arm and gently lowered it. He drew his own pale hands back to rest atop his knees. "While I do feel guilt for having kept you from what you had begun to say it would be at this point…imprudent. You are a born liar, Light. Getting the chance to speak second would only give you the opportunity to twist whatever you had in mind, or alter it entirely, to suit the situation. Undoubtedly you could say it with the highest of sincerity. However, as nice of a lie it would have been… I'm afraid that would be the singular lie I could not bear to hear from you."
He drew his large, black eyes back to Light's. Light thought he could see a sort of sadness in them.
"Even if you tried to, you wouldn't mean it. Not really," he added, a bit more softly as if murmuring to himself.
A weight filled Light's chest and L let his feet drop from the cushion of the driver's seat to the car floor. He shifted his body so that it faced Light. Another brief silence fell and it rang in Light's ears.
"My own reasoning aside, I suppose you couldn't even say it anyway at this point in time."
Confused, Light took a look at the watch weighing down his wrist to the armrest between them.
12:02 AM.
"Oh…" Light managed. He hardly even recognized his own voice with how feebly he'd spoken.
"So now comes the matter of the next holiday. Care to hear it?"
Even though it sounded like the absolute least important thing, Light mutely nodded.
"Apart from the ever-obvious New Year's Eve, December thirty-first is also recognized as Unlucky Day." L ran his finger along some of the seams of the leather in the car absently. "I'll admit the first thing to come to my mind had been gambling as luck runs rather low in that sort of thing, but I found that seeking out a casino won't be at all necessary.
"Luck, or fortune, is most often the bad variety. This is especially true in terms of classical mythology. Usually, things like fortune and fate would go together in pairs. Fate decreed that a man had to search for a new land to found a city of his own, but fortune tossed him about the seas for years and he faced the sleepless wrath of a goddess. While we can read about those sorts of things from poets…I lack the ability to see what hand fate has dealt either of us, granted there is such a force. Though I don't doubt that there is any misfortune we must face."
L's fingers curled back into his hand, but not entirely. Then slowly, so slowly, as if he thought Light would disappear if he did, he placed his pallid hand on Light's face. He searched his amber eyes for a moment. A sigh released from his lips.
"Perhaps not getting the chance to speak was your misfortune." A thumb glided over Light's cheek and he shivered. "And perhaps my misfortune was not allowing you to do so. But I suppose it's something neither of us can really say for certain. That is, until the day's over and done with."
Light continued to stare soundlessly into L's eyes and wondered if he would've done as L said. If he would've told L that he loved him. He didn't know anything like that, though. They would have been meaningless words on Light's lips and both of them would know it. It was a poisonous lie that would affect him just as lethally as it would L.
He hated himself the most knowing he would've said it just to save himself.
L's cool fingers moved gently over his skin like a breath and he could feel that love L claimed to have in every touch. But just like his dark, aging eyes they felt faintly sad at the same time. Light stayed still and knew his mind strove to commit to memory L in that moment like it had with the rest. Only this time it seemed like one of the last.
"You should wear the tie."
In a daze Light heard the words and couldn't make sense of them. "What?"
"The tie you received from Miss Amane on Christmas. You should wear it for the party or she'll be most displeased," he explained. L's hand hadn't drawn from Light's face.
"Right," Light responded. He scarcely remembered that Misa gave him a tie for Christmas but he pretended to know what L meant. Perhaps there wasn't even a tie at all.
Before he even knew it L's lips had descended on his but did little more. They lingered only long enough to have left him yearning for more, giving him but a brief taste. Dread continued to fill his heart as he realized it had felt all too much like what he'd imagined a goodbye kiss to be. The hand dropped from his cheek and returned to L.
L twisted his body around to unlock the car with the driver's side door's controls. A unison click sounded that they could get out and L slipped the keys back into one of his front pockets. They jingled with the motion along with the chain.
Before L got the chance to ask Light had opened the passenger door. He stepped out of the Aston Martin with the sounds of L moving to do the same behind him. They traveled back to their floor in the elevator – the plate that once held cake had mysteriously vanished – and Light lay awake in bed for hours before sleep shut his eyes.
But in the hours that the sun began to think about lumbering up over the horizon L set his laptop on the ground and sought warmth on Light's side of the bed. He curled his fingers into Light's soft pajama shirt and pressed his forehead against his chest.
Morning came.
L crouched dutifully with his laptop on the bed as he did most mornings and Light untangled himself from the sheets. He went through the motions of getting ready, as if it was to be any normal day of the year. After that L never stayed in one spot for very long. He said little and nibbled on various muffins or cookies while he drifted from room to room, lap top in hand.
On one such occasion Light glanced at the clock, having seated himself on the living room couch. L typed.
It was 5:30 PM. He practically had the time to blink and the day had just about vanished. The day of the circus or even the concert New Year's had seemed so far off, as if it were something he'd not see for years. But it had been all too close. He'd hated L – at the very least mildly – and now he only had a handful of memories.
And perhaps all he would have the next year would be memories.
His gaze hardened on the glowing numbers on the digital clock. He'd never not succeeded, not once in his entire life. Of all the failures he could endure, this wouldn't be the first. It simply wouldn't.
And then came a knock.
L let out a quiet sound of displeasure and got rid of a few open windows on his screen; Light didn't get the chance to see what they had been. The laptop shut down in mere seconds and the detective folded it closed swiftly. Before he knew it L had started to make his way to the door, though not without a sour expression on his face. It was as if he had been the one to eat practically a candy store's worth of lemon sweets.
And some had been covered in pocket lint.
The thought was shaken from his head the moment he heard the first voice from the other side of the door.
"Liiiiiiiight!" She knocked again, more impatient now. "We're here for the paaartyyy!"
L's hand stopped several inches from the doorknob.
"…'we?'" He repeated the word, as if to validate that he'd heard correctly.
"She wasn't supposed to come with anyone, was she?" Light caught up with the frozen form of L and could finally see his sour expression had deepened into a scowl. He quickly steeled himself for what lied behind the door L now apparently refused to touch. Light added, "Who do you suppose she brought?"
L still made no move to turn the knob. Instead, he stared at the thing with continued distaste and his changeless stare. "Oh, I think we both have a very good idea of who that might be."
"…and I'm to greet them?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
Light sighed, as if he had expected anything else. "Of course."
L took a few paces backward to give Light full access to the door. Misa banged on the thing at random intervals. And as time went on those intervals grew shorter and shorter. Deciding to get it over and done with like a band-aid, Light brought himself to walk to the door and undo the lock. He felt L's wary gaze behind him. Finally the moment came when he joylessly turned the knob and pulled it open.
He barely got a glance of Matsuda before Misa threw her arms around his neck and drowned him in kisses. Light stumbled back and he tried to gain some semblance of balance. Foolish as he was he strained to see around the girl, seeing if L showed the slightest bit of interest in giving help. Instead, he walked right past and addressed the second guest.
He did at least manage to hear the exchange over Misa's coos.
"Matsuda-san." L's voice had a strange calm. Definitely not pleased.
"Yes, Ryuuzaki…?" Light almost pitied the man. He sounded as if he'd been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Which, in the presence of L, would probably have an even more dire result…
"You do realize I forbade all task force members excluding Yagami-kun and myself from coming on the premises until January."
"Well, I –"
"You're compromising the entire case by doing so. Did you even consider at any point that this would be a bad thing, Matsuda-san?"
"But, uh, the thing is – Misa and –"
"It opens up the possibility of terminating your chances of continuing with the investigation."
"What? Ryuuzaki, you can't be serious! I can go, just please –"
"While your cooperation is appreciated, you'll find that pleas are highly ineffective with me. I'll send you an email with my decision within the hour. Have a nice New Year's, Matsuda-san."
Miraculously Light found himself freed from Misa – no doubt not without a good deal of lipstick stains – and got a better view of the scene at the door. Matsuda stood there, bug-eyed, in front of L while the detective stared at an interesting patch of ceiling. His pale fingers were playing at the idea of reaching for the doorknob. They hovered less than a foot away and Matsuda continued to look like a victim of a horror movie.
Misa stood directly in front of him now, excitement written all over her face. "Light! I brought all kinds of amazing stuff for –"
"Just one moment, Misa," Light said at length, using the most dulcet tone he could manage before sickening even himself. However, it pleased Misa enough so he could maneuver his way to Matsuda's plight.
Light caught the door as L made up his mind on whether or not to slam it in the sorry man's face. He cast a look over at Light, as if betrayed.
Sometimes, though, he had to marvel at the innate talent Matsuda had with pushing L's buttons. It bordered on being a superpower, surely.
"Matsuda-san." He tore away from the stare he'd been receiving from L and switched his attention to the man in the hall. L didn't even have time to protest as Light stepped in front of him, blocking him completely from Matsuda. Light continued, "Don't take Ryuuzaki-san seriously right now. We've both been experiencing a deal of stress. This is in part due to the nature of our 'December Approach,' if you could call it that."
Matsuda's shoulders relaxed, as if he'd been carrying Atlas' load. "You really mean it…?"
He distinctly heard L draw in a breath behind him, all too ready to fire up a protest. On impulse Light gave the chain a rough jerk and L was silenced. Because, frankly, when it came down to it…Light supposed he'd prefer to have Matsuda around rather than Misa alone.
"Yes, really. You're free to come in until the party's over and you can keep your job."
"Light-kun, I-I…I'll owe you one." Appreciation welled up in Matsuda's eyes to the point where Light feared he'd get a life-draining hug. He took a cautious step back.
"It's no problem, Matsuda-san. Really." He waved his hand and made room in the doorway. "Just come in and sit down. You look like you've seen a ghost."
Matsuda made a few slightly fearful steps into the hall, appearing to expect another brutal verbal assault from L at any moment. When none came he gained a smidgen more confidence and continued to the living room. L still scowled.
"Relax, Ryuuzaki. What's the worst he could really do?" Light closed and locked the door behind him soundly.
"Hmmm…" L shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing to Matsuda's retreating figure. "Alphabetically or in order of probability?"
"That many?"
"Yes. Had I known about this in advance, I would've set up the child-safety locks I'd purchased for such an event."
"I don't doubt you did. But anyway, we should follow him to the living room. Misa appears to be there already."
L blinked, as if the news were a revelation. "Then time is of the essence." And so L shuffled down the hall at what Light supposed was as close as he could get to warp speed. Light followed casually.
No sooner than when they stepped foot into their destination did the sound of blaring pop music reach their ears. Set right of the coffee table was a pink boom box freckled with stickers and Misa standing next to it. The sudden volume made them both cringe while Matsuda and Misa were relatively unaffected. Another table already harbored various drinks and cups, a bag of not-yet inflated balloons sat in the middle of the room, and Matsuda got put to work right away setting up miscellaneous decorations. Misa perked up considerably upon seeing Light arrive and pranced over. Her coat lay forgotten on the back of a chair to reveal one of the shorter cocktail dresses Light had witnessed to date. Moreover it was, hands down, the most obnoxious in terms of color.
She clutched onto his side immediately and the electric red sequins pressed into his skin. He mentally groaned at the realization that he'd spend the majority of the evening hopelessly itchy.
"Light, I've missed you so much!" Misa spouted shrilly. She beamed up at him. "I think this party was a great idea! I brought all kinds of music and drinks and party poppers and balloons and snacks and –"
Previously distracting himself with scrutinizing Matsuda as he decorated, L immediately snapped his head to look at Misa. With some trepidation in his voice, he said, "Snacks…?"
"Yeah, snacks." She started counting them off on her fingers as she listed them aloud. "Like popcorn, chips and dip, M&Ms, mixed nuts, and other stuff."
Not seeming quite so displeased anymore, L merely nodded. Instead of resuming to eyeball Matsuda, he decided to keep his heavy gaze settled on Misa. Her grip on Light became ever so slightly tighter. The feel of the sequins weren't any more comfortable than they had been before and so he sighed.
"Hey, Misa?"
She ignored L and switched her focus to Light in an instant. "Yes?"
"The music's a little loud. Could you turn it down some?"
"Oh, sure!" She detached herself from Light and hurried over to the boom box. "I was just trying to set the volume when you guys came. Sorry!"
Light skillfully hid his relief. "It's fine."
L had begun meandering around the room and a tug on Light's wrist made it so that he was meandering along with him. His wide eyes scanned everywhere, stopping once or twice to look under furniture. He spoke loud enough for Misa to hear him but did not turn his head to look at her.
"Amane-san, tell me where you're keeping these supposed M&M's…" He delicately pulled open her purse, peering inside. "…if they even exist. I'm having my doubts."
"Hey! Don't look through my stuff!" In less than a second she'd bounded over and snatched her purse away, clutching it to her side protectively. "It's in one of the white plastic bags. You could've asked sooner, you know!"
"This is true." L's thumb had found its way to his mouth and it rested on his bottom lip. "Tell me, Amane-san…do you have something to hide in that purse?"
Misa's level of annoyance only flared higher. "No! It's just rude to look through a girl's purse like that!"
"Nevertheless, I am beginning to grow suspicious."
"What! It's called privacy, you jerk!"
"Your purse is sizeable and could conceal a number of potentially dangerous objects."
"You're not looking through my purse!"
Practically hiding behind Misa's tiny body, Matsuda tapped her shoulder a few times. She snapped her head in his direction immediately and, still angry, practically shouted, "What!"
"Um…" he shrank away visibly. Matsuda's eyes flitted over and noticed an approaching L, so he quickly continued, "I was just wondering if since you're, uh, so busy I could set out some of the…snacks…"
The model blinked her eyes a few times, all of a sudden noticing the put-up decorations she'd lugged up the elevator. The sight of strings of lights and other sparkly things distracted her so much that she appeared to have completely forgotten that she'd been screaming merely seconds before. Matsuda scurried off to the grocery bags of food. Light could only watch helplessly as L in one swift move snatched Misa's purse right off of her arm.
It took a moment for Misa to have finally realized that she'd lost the purse at all. But when she did, Light stood stunned that the look on her face didn't just vaporize L. So began the most perilous game of keep-away Light ever had the misfortune of being a part of.
"Fruitless."
"What?" Light asked, rubbing his aching wrist. He gratefully took a seat on the couch and glanced at L, who only currently possessed one of his neutral expressions.
"The search was fruitless. Amane-san had nothing worthy of suspicion."
Light raised a brow. "You're upset that she didn't have a handgun or pocketknife? I thought she was cleared from the suspect list."
"So she is," L said. He reached in one of his pockets, searching for what Light was assumed was a peppermint or any other kind of candy he always had in infinite supply. "I was almost certain she had other sweets that she had chosen not to reveal the existence of inside, but no."
Misa sat down on the unoccupied spot next to Light on the couch without her purse. As soon as she'd pried the thing from L's fingers she hid it away in her car outside. She kicked off her high heels tiredly . The only person left out of the fiasco had been Matsuda, now sitting off to the side in the armchair. It was far too large and made him look a bit smaller than he really was.
The couch, on the other hand, wasn't quite big enough for the three people it currently seated. The shoulders of both L and Misa pressed against his own. Which, of course, meant he would always feel those damned sequins as well as L. If any single person shifted their position Light would be all the more reminded of the detective's presence, the warmth of his skin radiating right through the fabric. It made him want to be able to actually touch his soft skin and made his chest become heavy.
L loved him.
The silence of the car still rung loudly in his ears, broken abruptly by L's voice. Yes, L had been talking…
"But I have to admit, there was one thing that I thought was strange."
Hiding his prior distraction, Light said with an air of disinterest, "Really."
Misa ignored L and said nothing.
"Yes, really. This." He finally pulled the thing from his pockets and held it out in between two fingers. Light had to stare at it for a long moment before accepting it for what it was. Totally unaffected, L continued, "It perplexes me slightly. Typically if one takes these birth control pills it implies that they intend to have sex. Tell me, Amane-san, did you plan to spend the night? After all, Light-kun isn't allowed to leave the premises just yet…"
Misa yelped in surprise and snatched the pills from L's fingers lightning fast. With no purse to store them in any longer, she dashed out of the living room to put them god knew where and left the three men alone in the living room. L reached over and grabbed a large handful of M&M's.
Matsuda finally spoke as L crunched away at the candies, his voice stronger than he'd expected. "Well, this is just awkward…"
"Told you she had something to hide." He spoke with the M&M's still in his mouth and threw more in right afterward.
"Yes, but that was totally unnecessary. The evening isn'tgoing to be a walk in the park now."
"I saved you from a potentially dire fate. You should be thankful."
"Look, I'll thank you later if that's what you want. Right now we have to think of a way to miraculously make her happy again."
Quietly Matsuda said as he lifted himself from the too-big armchair, "I'll just go make some tea…"
He slipped out of the room like a ghost and the two didn't care enough to notice. There were more pressing matters.
"Amane-san is dependent on praise from others." He examined a blue M&M in the palm of his hand thoughtfully before gobbling it up.
"That's a start. If we build on from that, then we probably could –"
Before Light could finish what he'd been saying he heard Misa's approaching footsteps and shut his mouth. He considered grabbing some chips from a bowl if just to keep himself occupied. She took her time making her way into the living room and L began organizing his M&M's by color on the coffee table. There were a suspiciously low amount of reds and blues.
When Misa finally did arrive she made a stop at the punch bowl and poured herself a glass. With some hesitation she took back her seat next to Light and focused on the color of her plastic cup. While Light did appreciate the temporary lull, it felt unnatural to have Misa so reluctant to cling and talk endlessly. Just when Light decided he no longer felt comfortable trapped in between L and Misa while over-played pop music kept coming out of Misa's boombox – it felt like an eternity had passed – Matsuda decided to finally come back. Four mugs of steaming cups sat on a tray he'd managed to find and he struggled to keep them from spilling.
"Oh, hi Misa! I know you have something else, but I decided I should make you some tea, too, because - " It was then that Matsuda tripped over one of his own feet and everything, including the tray with held the mugs, plummeted to the ground. L didn't bother to look up as he lined up all of the M's on his M&M's, which meant that Misa was the only one able to spring to the man's assistance. Matsuda stared at the mess in horror.
"It's okay, Matsu! This can be cleaned up easy!" Misa assured, carefully picking up shattered bits of what previously had held their tea.
As if realizing where he was, Matsuda dropped to the ground and joined her in picking up fragments of the mugs.
"I think he really is going to fire me now. Light can't stop him every time… I'm always clumsy."
"No, it'll be fine! You just had some bad luck, that's all!"
L froze suddenly, an orange M&M held between his fingers. "Bad luck…"
"What was that, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, focused more on Matsuda's plight than the M&M project L had busied himself with.
Misa dropped some of what she'd picked up from the floor into a small trash can since Matsuda managed to collect the rest and brushed off her dress. The tea had been soaked into the carpet and it seemed to go unspoken that it was a mess they wouldn't tend to until later. She went back to her seat. Misa noticed the look of confusion Light had targeted at L and decided to stare at the detective herself, curious.
"My, Light-kun. Wouldn't you say that Misa bears a striking resemblance to infelix Dido?" L turned his wide eyes to peer at Misa, a finger dangling from his mouth. "She's just as Vergil described; it just came upon me. Golden hair, rather beautiful, full of devotion, passionate… In fact, Queen Dido's deep love for the Trojan prince creates some interesting parallels. Wouldn't you say so?"
Light quickly racked his brain for details on the queen from the poem L was hinting at. Infelix, infelix, infelix… The word sounded terribly familiar. The answer dawned upon him just as he thought of how L had appeared suddenly interested in Matsuda's blunder. Unlucky Dido pined after a hero that she couldn't have. She pined so much that she grew alarmingly obsessed, spending all of the time she could with him and sitting on the cushions he'd sat upon, raving…
L, the little devil, was silently calling Misa crazy. Light smiled and made it seem as though he did so because he agreed full-heartedly with what L said.
"Now that I think about it, yeah."
She blinked, taken by surprise. "Really?"
"Frighteningly similar to the Carthaginian queen."
"I agree."
Suddenly overwhelmingly pleased, Misa threw her arms around Light and planted a kiss on his cheek. She blathered on about how Light surely must've been exactly like the prince L mentioned Dido had been in love with, as if trying to make their own relationship like something out of a fairytale. Light listened enough to put in the occasionally statement of agreement. He suddenly wondered to himself if he had really preferred this over the prior silence and if Misa was more like Dido than he would have liked to think she was. When the Trojan Aeneas had left her city in attempted secrecy, the unlucky queen had put an end to her own life… So perhaps if he did leave...
Light banished the thought at once. That would only spell disaster and it certainly wasn't something that he could consider now, of all times.
L turned back to his candies and began eating them again, one color at a time.
He was reminded that he still had to talk to Misa, but the idea was still next to impossible. L would never be far enough away from him to get any privacy, and if he dared to ask for it he'd rouse suspicion. He'd have to find some way, some opening to take advantage of, to keep Misa from doing what she thought would make Light love her forever.
"Hey, Ryuuzaki-san. I have this question," Matsuda said suddenly. Light became quickly aware of the fact that he'd been generally ignored yet again and decided to pay some attention. Misa's sequins still rubbed against his skin. Matsuda continued, "I was at the store with Misa and I was thinking ice cream would sound good to pick up, you know? But right next to it was some frozen yogurt and I realized I'd never tried it before. I mean, should I get some on my way home? Or is ice cream way better?"
"Hmm… I'm afraid it's not an easy answer, Matsuda-san. You see, it all depends on…"
By that time Light came to the realization that the very thing he'd been hoping desperately for arrived. Matsuda, bless his heart, distracted L with a conversation on one of his most favorite things: ice cream. It was almost too perfect. Light switched his attention to Misa casually.
"Misa, I was wondering what you'd been planning on doing after the party? I know L and I will be watching the celebrations on the news, discussing plans for January, and stuff like that." He managed to slide his arm out of her grasp and set it over her small shoulders. "Maybe you should call –"
"Oooh! Of course! I just wish somebody wouldn't be keeping you away all night!" She sent a pointed glare at L who then decided to suspend his discussion on the comparable aspects of ice cream and frozen yogurt. "I'd wanted more than anything to get a New Year's kiss from you, Light, but it looks like I'll just be spending the night at home."
L tilted his head to the side. "A 'New Year's kiss?'"
"Geez, Ryuuzaki. Haven't you heard of it before?" Misa leaned into Light some more but still looked at L in disbelief. "People, pretty much always couples – they don't have to be, though – will kiss each other when it turns midnight New Year's Eve and becomes January first for good luck and stuff."
"Interesting… That tradition aside, I suggest everyone to be particularly cautious tonight. We all remember the promise Kira made on television earlier this month and I would not find pleasure knowing anyone on the investigation team became one of his next victims." L popped a few green M&M's into his mouth.
"Oh, yeah! Maybe I shouldn't go to the grocery store, then…"
Misa pulled out one of her cell phones and flipped it open. At once she snapped the thing closed and practically jumped up off of the couch. "We're almost out of time!"
Light glanced at his own watch and found that she was right. There was perhaps only twelve minutes until the time that L claimed he'd "have them thrown out onto the street." That is, Watari would. L mentioned to Light off-handedly before that it wouldn't do to have Misa's overwhelming perfume on his clothes for the remainder of the night.
While Misa dashed around the living room, searching through the grocery bags with mad desperation, Light realized at one point or another that she'd placed a glass in his hand. In fact, there was one in Matsuda and L's possession with one sitting out for Misa herself. They were shaped for one drink in particular, that drink being champagne.
"Look, I got this bottle last minute and we don't have to drink the whole thing. It even said it would be kinda sweet, like you like Ryuuzaki, so could we pleaseeee?" Misa pleaded, bottle in hand.
L stared at the champagne Misa held blankly. Whether he read everything on its label he could see or was off in his own mind Light couldn't really determine, but in a moment or so L's hand went out to take the thing from her hands.
"We may have some…" L started, shifting his gaze briefly to Light, "but I will open it. I know how and I'd like to avoid any more potential messes that Watari will have to clean later."
"Fine, but I know how, too!" Nevertheless, Misa went back to where she'd been sitting and held out her glass.
With little effort L managed to open the bottle minus any champagne on the rug or other catastrophes. Everyone got a small amount of the bubbling drink in each of their glasses and they spent their remaining few minutes drinking bad champagne while Misa continued to talk and only Matsuda genuinely listened. L downed what he'd poured himself with a look of mild disgust and scooped up what was left of his M&M's, pouring them right into his mouth.
Misa's left-over things – food, still-deflated balloons, a party horn or two – were tossed into the garbage immediately upon her leave and Watari attended to Matsuda's mess. Before the elderly gentleman arrived, however, L had phoned him and he entered their quarters with a familiar cart carrying a steaming teapot. L eagerly set out the cups, sugar, tea, and sweets onto the coffee table as if nothing mattered more in the world. Cubes piled high in his tea and he drank the stuff without giving it time to cool. Light couldn't help but watch in fascination. What kind of fascination he couldn't rightly pinpoint. He took a careful seat next to L on the couch.
However, the blazing hot tea seemed to have zero effect on L as he took a second sip. He sighed.
"That champagne, if you could call it that, was the cheapest, most vile beverage." The very memory of the thing made him grimace, so he took another drink. "Miss Amane either has no taste or drinks on the cheap. Then again, probably both."
L's utter disgust humored Light enough to make one side of his lips quirk upwards. "I wouldn't doubt it. But it does make me wonder how you could know if that was cheap champagne. You don't strike me as one to like alcohol, with your more than mild obsession over keeping up your 'reasoning abilities.'"
"That is true. I never drink. However," he said, swirling around his spoon in an attempt to dissolve more of the sugar he'd put in his tea, "I've familiarized myself with different alcoholic beverages. It can come in handy, knowing if a drink tastes different than it should because it's been poisoned…"
Light finally picked up the teapot to pour his own cup, not bothering to add any sugar. "So if you were in a situation where you found yourself drinking whiskey, you could tell if it had been spiked given that the poison was not flavorless?"
"Indeed. Though whiskey is awful stuff. With someone with as low of an alcohol tolerance as you possess, I definitely wouldn't suggest it. But I will admit, the results would be nothing short of entertaining." His long fingers reached for the pot again, already done with his first cup. "And since we are on the subject, I happen to have currently a bottle of Louis Roederer. I've been aware of the 'champagne and New Year's' tradition and thought it only suitable to follow it. Rest assured, it's a significant improvement on what Misa forced down our throats."
The cup was half-way to Light's lips as he stopped himself. He looked to L with curiosity. "'The results would be entertaining'? What does that mean?"
"Oh. Hm. I seem to have put myself in quite the predicament."
"L."
"How unfortunate. I can still taste Miss Amane's awful champagne in my mouth. What about you, Light?"
"L, what exactly happened Christmas Eve?"
"Don't you remember? I told you that you passed out towards the end of the film. Then I had to carry you all the way –"
"Doubtful."
"I suppose I'll have to let you in on that little secret. Very well." He drained what was left in his teacup and set it down on its saucer. L set his arms on his knees in the way that always made it seem he was protecting himself from something and set his gaze on Light. "You kissed me."
He'd been expecting anything else. Some kind of shenanigans, something wildly out of character, but… That was before Christmas. Light had kissed L first and he couldn't remember a thing. God, L had gotten an inebriated first kissed and he said he didn't regret it, that he even valued the memory. He couldn't remember his first kiss with L. Of all the things to forget he couldn't remember his first kiss with L.
Light remembered he had tea suddenly and brought it to his lips. The hot liquid burned his tongue and he quickly set the cup down.
"I should have told you sooner, perhaps," L continued softly, stirring his spoon in an empty teacup. It clinked against the sides.
"It's fine," Light managed. The flesh of his tongue throbbed with a slowly dulling pain. Ice water sounded heavenly.
A silence stretched on as L's eyes floated over and he looked ahead. He'd stopped stirring air and let his hand return to his knee. He seemed to stare past the furniture and walls to some other place entirely and Light found he couldn't summon up anything to say. He heard eventually another large exhale from L's lungs and he brought his attention back to the detective's hunched form. A heavy darkness clung under his eyes. He thought it strange he hadn't noticed it at the party once.
"I have a surprise for you," he stated, not quite as hushed but reluctant to get very loud. He stuck a hand into one of his possibly bottomless pockets and dug around. L found the thing with relative ease and pulled it out. In the lights of the living room shone a small silver key.
Hesitantly, Light began, "Is that…"
"They key to the chain's handcuffs? That it is. Now, if you would be so kind as to hold out your hand."
"But, why now? It's not even remotely close to midnight." Nevertheless, Light abided by L's request and brought his hand out that for so long harbored the metal cuff, the thing had had kept them bound together twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
"True. However, neither of us will be leaving this floor before New Year's Day and I see little purpose in prolonging the discomfort for a scant few more hours. That, and it's a bit of a last holiday gift from me to you." L quickly undid Light's cuff and went to work on his own at once.
The sensation of having his wrist totally bare was almost alien now to Light, and he rubbed the area of skin. He noticed thin lines of what looked like small scars here and there with some distaste. He'd never gotten any scars before. They didn't seem as though they'd go away easily, if at all. He glanced at L as he undid his own cuff which always hung on his fragile-looking wrist like a bangle bracelet. On L's pale skin he held his own scars from the metal cuff and they were an angry red.
Light caught himself staring and quickly shifted his eyes back to his tea cup. Only small wisps of steam rose from the surface anymore, like miniature specters.
He could hear the metal of the chain rattle against itself as L gathered it all up. He tossed the great bundle beneath the couch, like a kid sweeping the dirt underneath the carpet because they didn't want to bother with the dustpan.
Had L ever cleaned up after himself?
L suddenly resumed talking as he poured a third cup of still piping hot tea. "But other than champagne, I've heard Japan has one New Year's tradition that involves the ringing of bells. I assume you know about it?"
"Yeah. All of the Buddhist temples will be ringing their bells at midnight one-hundred and eight times. We'll especially be able to hear Watched Night here in Tokyo." Light paused, feeling the warmth go through the porcelain cup into his skin. They were all such a fine, bone-white color and so delicate. "It's a famous bell, sort of an attraction. I saw it when I was younger, once, but you can always hear it the most."
"One-hundred and eight is a very specific sounding number," L commented, sounding perfectly calm. "So what does that number mean, exactly?"
"It symbolizes the one-hundred and eight sins in the Buddhist belief. People think that when they ring the bells, they'll be rid of all their sins during the previous year. Then there are celebrations, lots of soba noodles…"
"Interesting. Oh, that does remind me now of something." L reached for the small plate of cookies that had been up until that point untouched. He took a sizeable bite from one he'd snatched and continued talking with some of the chewed-up cookie still in his mouth. "Eventually tomorrow we'll have to discuss how to move forward from this point. There's the question of your residency, developments in the case, our next plans of action, and so on and so forth. Back to business, in other words."
"Right. You've been finding leads?" To himself, Light's interest sounded hollow. Misa still hadn't called.
"I'll have several things to discuss with the task force tomorrow," L answered, somewhat. He dropped the final three sugar cubes into his cup and attempted to dissolve them with his stirring spoon. It was then that an audible buzzing sound filled the often-occurring silence. Light reached for his own phone, anxiety rushing through him, but instead L had out his with what appeared to be a text message. Light's cell phone still lay dormant and unmoving in his pocket.
L's fingers moved swiftly over the keys and finished in a moment's time.
"Watari?" Light ventured.
"Indeed. He inquired what desserts I wanted to restock the fridge with. I've gone far too long without a red velvet cake, or even some flan…" L finished off his saccharine brew and licked his lips, no doubt thinking about the sweets to come. After the short reverie he switched his attention back to the empty bowl of sugar and frowned. "Out already?"
"You're surprised?" Light cocked an eyebrow. Unbelievable. "You've been going at that bowl for the entire time. I'm sure you consumed enough cubes to make that little civilization you were building at breakfast yesterday."
"If only," L mused, pushing himself off of the couch and letting his sockless feet to hit the floor. "I'll be off to the kitchen to get some more sugar."
"Bring back a glass of water, if you'd be so kind," Light called as L's form retreated to the kitchen.
He merely waved without turning around, signaling that he heard the request. Whether or not he would have a glass of water with him when he returned would be another matter entirely.
Misa still hadn't called. She'd said she would, but the hours would be slipping away and she could forget. Light contemplated calling her with the hope that somehow he could get her to understand that she was absolutely not to use the notebook, especially knowing L's name, all before the detective sauntered back into his room with a bowl full of sugar and maybe a glass of water. But he definitely wouldn't have that kind of time. Misa probably wouldn't even answer her phone before L got back. Enough time had passed that she could've already arrived at home.
So instead he sat there on the couch, as still as a statue, waiting for L to emerge from the kitchen. He could hear the warm air whispering through the vents into the room and L's bare feet, far-off on the tile of the kitchen floor. He drank what was left of the tea in his cup and decided to pour a second. Light sat it down on the saucer to cool. He'd expected for L to be back already but he decided it was strange to be so concerned about how long the detective chose to be in the kitchen. He could've spotted a nice looking box of animal crackers or some other treat, or counted out how many cubes he wanted exactly, as if it were a science. There was no reason to worry.
He crossed his legs and just as he checked the time on his wristwatch he heard something shatter – a weight hit the ground.
An awful sort of feeling slithered into his stomach but he chose presently to ignore it. Instead, Light with some hesitation called out, "L? Is there something wrong?"
When the second hand labored for far too long around the face of his watch Light pushed himself off of the couch. He began to advance towards the hall, one foot in front of the other. Perhaps he'd spoken too quietly? Light swallowed.
"L?"
Again, nothing came.
Light pursed his lips and continued to the kitchen. He didn't stray far from one of the walls and he could feel his fingertips just brush over the surface as he walked. Why was it that he couldn't hear anything? Every footfall startled him and he fought to keep composure. He felt like he was five again, going to the kitchen in the dark for a cup of water, wary of every small sound and the shadows hanging in the corners.
When the kitchen entryway was but a few feet away Light paused. He couldn't see anything yet, but he strained to listen for any sound, any at all. Muffled and labored was the quietest of breathing. There was nothing else. He found himself in the middle of the entryway before he knew it.
On the middle of the tile floor like a tossed-aside rag doll was L, face-down. The sugar bowl had shattered into hundreds of porcelain shards in every corner and cubes littered the floor. One had rolled as far as Light's foot; he'd almost stepped on it. L's wild hair hung over his face as if a shroud. One of the cupboard doors was still open. L did not move at all but the tremulous exhales still existed.
The air had turned black – it took the oxygen from Light's lungs.
Light never realized it but the sight of L's sprawled body had replaced any feeling of accomplishment he would have had when Kira had been most important; it was replaced instead with consuming dread.
He walked over the bowl fragments and scarcely could feel them as he went further into the kitchen. Still unbelieving of the horror right before his eyes, he kneeled beside where L rested his head. He reached out an arm to touch L's inky black hair. L did not move.
"L?" His throat felt suddenly raw, as if he'd been screaming. He swallowed but it did little good. "L, are you okay?"
Nothing.
A dark fear seized his heart, the very thing he'd tried to keep buried away. He no longer could catalogue, weigh, or even decide what actions to take. Impulse drove him to pick up L's torso from under his arms and turn him right-side up, pulling his thin body to Light's lap. Trembling hands brushed away the hair that still hung over L's eyes. When he saw them, he couldn't look away. Wide – god, they were so wide and open. He felt as though he could see directly into L's soul, and it was filled with an overpowering fear. Alive, L stared directly into Light's eyes. They held there several more shallow breaths, whispering past L's partially-open mouth.
With one arm he still held L's slight frame – he felt as if he weighed nothing – against him and managed to bring the same hand to rest on the side of L's head, on his soft hair. L's unwavering gaze still held.
"L? Are you okay?"
He stroked L's head, as if he could bring life into him like a newborn puppy. His lips released a shorter breath this time. The white shirt was so baggy he could never tell the rises and falls of his chest. Still supporting the man's weight against him, he quickly brought down a hand to rest on L's chest where his heart would be.
A chill ran through him more horrid than any other. Once he felt a heartbeat, a feeble one. He never left L's eyes.
While he waited for the next heartbeat L's eyes became death-dulled, still staring. It never came.
He removed his hand from L's chest and went back to stroking his hair.
At 8:46 PM on December the thirty-first, Watari heard sound the alarm which in all his years with L he'd hoped never to hear. His vitals monitor wailed as if a banshee in the quiet of the observations room, the shrill sound bouncing hard off of the walls. Watari was out the door and down the hall to the elevator in seconds, his heartbeat in his ears.
The numbers couldn't have turned more slowly as he descended. L had chosen to reside on a floor far below the mass of TV monitors and computer screens that the task force never knew existed. L still could not trust them. He had seen too much for a man of hardly twenty-five.
He sprinted down the hall as the doors slid open to the door. He'd gone there countless times with trays of food and drinks that L asked for. Watari already had his key in his fist. Calm hands guided the key to the keyhole and the door opened without a sound. The hinges didn't even creak. Inside there was still nothing he could hear. He started down the hall and the first room he came upon was the kitchen area. Immediately he looked inside.
"Oh, god…"
He found L pulled up against Light Yagami's chest with his tousled hair being stroked gently. He held L's body as if he were a child with its favorite doll.
Light had never heard him speak, much less come in. He still hopelessly stroked that black hair.
His shoes made bits of something broken crunch underneath as he advanced to that section of the kitchen floor. He gently took Light's arms in a move to release L from the hold. As soon as the contact was made Light snapped from his stupor and his piercing gaze snapped up to Watari.
"No," he croaked. Watari froze at the sight of the ineffable torment in those eyes. "Don't take him. Don't."
"I have to, Yagami-san," he found himself saying. "Please let go."
"Don't. I-…"
Light pulled L tighter, almost his whole body shivering, as if cold.
Watari tried again to free L from Light's grasp and the young man resisted once more, but no more than once. His strength ran out. He was left in the middle of the kitchen floor with just a broken bowl and dozens of sugar cubes.
He'd heard his phone ring, but Light did not answer it. Sometime after Watari left with L it rang and he heard hard banging on the door. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there but as the knocks persisted, rattling through his skull, he grabbed weakly for the counter and brought himself onto a pair of numb legs. A distinct emptiness clung to every object, the rooms… Half in a dream, he made his way to the door. He supposed he'd opened it because Misa entered the hallway in a flash.
And following her was the towering form of Rem.
The blonde wrapped her arms tightly around his chest in a crushing hug. She chanted something over and over again. He couldn't decipher the words at first; either his mind ran slow or she had begun to press her words closely together until they were scarcely words anymore. But he did eventually understand her.
"I did it I did it I did it!" she squealed, rubbing her face in his chest with glee. "I did just as you wanted Light! I remembered his name this time, and not too long ago – Well, here. Gimme a minute."
He was released from her hold and he stared at her.
She only continued to dig through her oversized purse. Something in the back of his mind told him it was the same one she'd used earlier at the party, but he hardly cared. She pulled out a black notebook and held it out to him like a Valentine card.
"Oh, I should get the page for you! Sorry, uh –"
Misa flipped through a few pages – all filled with ink – in the front and stopped rather quickly. In her delicate script was one, single name in the middle of a blank page. It was written by a rushed, eager hand that fumbled with Roman letters. She thrust it back into his hands.
L Lawliet.
As soon as he laid eyes on the name on the notebook paper, something inside of Light tore.
His grip tightened on the cover and pages. Misa waited for what she thought would be without doubt praise from the man she adored. He gazed unblinkingly at the page she'd opened for him for longer than she thought he would. She almost decided to say something again, but he closed the Death Note with care and held it in one hand.
His eyes met hers. She saw something different there, but immediately thought it silly and clasped her hands to her chest.
"Thank you, Misa. You really did it."
A wide grin broke across her face again.
"Oh, Light! Now we can do whatever we want! You don't have to worry about writing in secret or having me do it, and we can spend more time together and, and…"
Light's voice cut in and made her stop. A grave-sounding "no" was all it took.
"What…?" Misa still kept her arms to her chest, wary of lowering them.
"Misa," Light began, no longer looking at her but instead the floor at his feet. "I think we should break-up."
Misa drew in a breath, her slender eyebrows furrowing. Rem made her own presence known once more and strode towards Light's form. Her yellow eyes burned into him but still he did not look up, as if he didn't even care.
"Light Yagami, what do you think you are doing?" the Shinigami hissed lowly. The only reaction she received was his lips pressing together into a straight line.
"Think about it, Misa…Rem." He paused to draw in a breath, as if he hadn't enough air in his lungs. "From here on out I'll have more freedoms. I can use the notebook without being constantly monitored, suspected. But with that, things will be far more dangerous. I don't know how many more people will be after me, intelligent people with resources. It'd be foolish to think that there wouldn't be any more once he left. I'll still have to protect you along with myself every step of the way."
"Light? What are you saying?" Misa whimpered. Tears welled in her eyes, unbelieving of what she had to hear. Light wouldn't look at her.
"It would…make me happy for you to leave this. All of it. You'll be safer not around me than with me." He finally lifted his darkened eyes to stare at Rem. "You. You know that's the truth, too. She'll live a longer, better life not with me."
Rem did not reply.
"But Light! I love you! I can still help, and I can take care of myself when you're busy! Really, I-I promise I can!"
"Misa, please relinquish your notebook."
"Light, don't say that!"
"Misa," came Rem's heavy voice. The shaking girl turned to look to the Shinigami and she continued to fight tears from spilling. Nevertheless, Rem continued, "Light is right, Misa. He's going down a road you shouldn't follow. It's not safe."
Her shoulders drooped. "But…"
"No, Misa. Do as he says."
A choked sob came from Misa's throat and she tried to cover it with a hand over her mouth. She stood there trembling while neither Light nor Rem said a word. She hadn't steadied herself when she attempted to speak again and words were tangled in the mess of snivels.
"I-I give u-u-up the notebook-k."
A silence fell over the room. Misa had quieted. Light watched her while Rem moved back to the poor girl's side. Her tiny hands fell from her face and looked straight at Light. A whole new emotion overtook her made-up face: fury. Fists formed at her sides and she strode right past Rem, as if she hadn't even been there. Her pigtails bobbed up and down with every deliberate step toward him. He did nothing.
"How dare you break up with me! I loved you! Here I came all this way to, to…" She struggled for the reason but gave up when nothing came. "Oh, I don't know! But I came to your place just so you could break up with me?"
"I'm sorry," Light said.
"Sorry! Ugh!" She readjusted the strap of her purse which had begun to slide down her arm and cast him a venomous look. The dampness in her eyes started coming back in the corners. "Have a fun time spending New Year's by yourself! I'm going home."
Misa scrambled out of the hall and through the door. It slammed behind her and Light felt himself cringe at the sound. Rem did not look to him before she passed through one of the walls and left to what he assumed was following Misa to her car. He leaned against a wall with his eyes closed, listening to the air coming through the vents.
Light sat on the couch with the television off in front of him. He stared at the blank screen with his hands at his sides.
L was dead.
The tray of tea sat without anymore steam coming from its pot. It had cooled down to the temperature of the room. One teacup was in its saucer, completely dry, while the other still had an inch or so left to drink. That cup, however, would remain unfinished and cold. Crumbs lay scattered on the cookie dish. It reminded him of Christmas mornings.
Light closed his eyes and took in a breath.
Things were too quiet. Even the living room began to feel like a tomb.
His hands curled and grasped the edges of the cushions beneath him. Along the seams his fingers moved, feeling nothing but woven fabric and no zipper. But something else in those crevices of the couch met one of his fingers, a small thing. He fished it out easily enough and cradled it in a palm. It had all sorts of colors and it reflected the light in the room when he brought it up to where he could see it.
A candy wrapper, empty and crinkled inside the couch.
He'd never been so transfixed on something worth so little. Light remembered those lips, the taste of his mouth, the feel of his soft skin. Every moment he'd had with L flashed through his mind in rapid succession like a disjointed film reel. Some felt faded, the ones he had traveled through when they'd happened like daydreams. Perhaps one day he would lose them altogether.
He still held the wrapper and he thought of how long he'd actually loved L. And it was now something L wouldn't get the chance to hear. He remembered L's smile, and how much it reminded him of a child. It hurt to remember his smile.
Light's vision turned bleary. He'd started weeping with his chin dropped to his chest with an old candy wrapper crushed in his hand.
He could still see L smiling, lamplight in his face.
Legs that were no longer his own carried him to the bedroom. The bed was neatly made and empty. Nothing stirred and the laptop had been slid under the bed, shut off and asleep. He stared into the shadows for a while, the only light coming from the hall and the other rooms. Light must've turned on a lamp for when he moved further along the floor he could see the never-used desk with the pile of photographs on top.
Even from where he stood he could make out L's frozen eyes, making a feeble attempt to look at the camera. They both came off as mildly cranky with their faces squished together but Light felt as though he could not touch it. L's hair stuck out ridiculously under Sayu's elf hat, poking in every direction like someone who had just rolled out of bed.
Once he'd hoped he could pick up an old Polaroid. He'd take pictures of them both in Rome, in Paris, and in all of the other exotic cities L traveled to and keep them in an insignificant-looking box. Each one would be proof that L existed, that he wasn't just someone Light imagined, and not a single copy of each would be made. But now he only had one to look at and hold between his fingers – and L was gone.
He felt suddenly cold, as if the room were no longer empty and quiet. Light didn't move, too worn and tired. They were familiar footsteps, but of no one he cared to be around. He waited for them to speak and only gazed at the photograph.
The strong voice of Ryuk appeared in the quiet but Light remained motionless.
"Hey, Light. Long time no see, huh?" The strange footsteps echoed again from Ryuk's odd gait. He didn't pay mind to Light's silence and merely continued, "What've you been up to? New Year's not too far away. It sounds like it's going to be a pretty big deal."
Still, no reply.
Perplexed, Ryuk's ghoulish face came around Light's left. He wasn't paid any attention and didn't know what to make of it. Light was alone and had to reason to ignore him. His spindly finger jabbed Light's shoulder blade.
"Hey, what's the idea? There's nobody else. Aren't you going to give me the scoop on this 'cleansing' project you've got planned? Helloooo?" His finger continued to prod at Light's flesh. The young man's eyes were bright red, something unusual, but he had seen stranger things. He just kept at what he thought would make Light talk. And, of course, it eventually did work.
Light barely opened his mouth and what few words he did say came out a hoarse whisper.
"L is dead."
"Huh?" Ryuk balked and waited, expecting Light to say anything more. Nothing of the sort happened. Ryuk's gravelly voice whisked away the silence again, saying, "You really pulled it off? Seriously?"
Light stared ahead without looking at him.
"I don't get this quiet stuff. I thought this was something that would make you happy. And what is it exactly that you're looking at?" Ryuk turned his head, trying to follow Light's line of vision and found himself staring at a plain old desk. Though sitting on the surface were a stack of photos. The first had L.
He leaned closer, inspecting the flimsy sheet of paper with ink on it with his long arms hanging at his sides. Ryuk tilted his head back and then he laughed raucously.
Light's lips pressed together feebly.
The Shinigami stepped away from the desk and away from Light, chuckling as he went.
"Looks like we'll be having fun."
Light turned and discovered that Ryuk vanished, as if he'd never been there at all or materialized into the shadows. He left the photo on the desk and fell onto the mattress. Sleep overtook him immediately. He hadn't any more strength to fight it.
He lied in bed, suddenly awake but with his eyes still closed. It could have been maybe five minutes or hours. Light's head felt like it was pounding. It kept on and on so he brought his knees to his chest, curled up on the bed into a ball. The pounding was steady, maybe seconds apart, but wouldn't stop. His eyelids squeezed tightly together and he tried to will it away. It didn't leave. His hand reached out across the comforter, blindly grabbing for anything he could use to block it out or to at least just hold. It felt lonely in the middle of the large mattress; there was too much space.
Finally he felt something brush over his outstretched hand. It had nearly been too far away. Light pulled the object towards him, bringing it to his chest. Whatever the thing was, it was soft. He buried his face in it, hoping the next resonating pound wouldn't come. He just wanted to sleep.
When he was awake he thought of L.
Light cringed when the pounding returned. His head ached so terribly and felt so weighed down that it had to be inside of him, some horrid phantasm of his own making. He clutched the thing he'd grabbed on the bed tighter. It brushed against his cheeks in what felt like silken hair. Breath stopped for a moment in his lungs, coming out in a shaky exhale. Light carefully opened his eyes in the dark bedroom. Two black button eyes from the body of a brown teddy bear stared at him. His favorite gift.
He absently rubbed its velveteen ears, as if to fool himself. But the bear wasn't warm. He couldn't hear any steady, soft breaths. It only stared and let itself be held. Light was grateful it was so dark; any light would have meant he could see himself in its glassy black eyes, eyes that would look all too much like his.
He clutched the bear more tightly as another pound made his head throb.
Light opened his still-tired eyes just a fraction. Off to one side of the bed was his own alarm clock, a digital one. With the bedroom door shut soundly it was the only thing creating any sort of illumination. Its bright blue numbers leaked color onto the surface of his nightstand. He could barely even read them at first, as if they were a jumble of foreign letters. The pounding didn't make the task easier.
He stared at it.
12:00 AM, now January the first.
What he thought had been a tormenting migraine was simply Watched Night. It had always seemed festive, he thought, when it rang in the New Year. He was reminded of wedding bells, church bells...
Tonight it sounded like a funeral bell.
He wouldn't be able to sleep, not now. It would keep ringing until it had rung those one-hundred and eight times and with each one he'd think of what made the bed he lied on, the bedroom, the whole building feel so empty. His eyes felt like they were burning but he didn't want to let go of the bear to rub them.
L never got his New Year's kiss.
Just as Light began to lose himself in the endless drone of the bell another sound, not so far off, reached his ears. He assumed it was a figment of some kind, so he ignored it. It was only one past midnight. There was no one on his floor.
The sound came again, though. And this time, it had made a point to be louder. Light shook off some of his daze and listened for it. It was real. A fist rapped repeated on the door that led to the elevator hallway. Watari had keys to everywhere. If it'd been him, he would have merely let himself in. Misa was probably cursing his name and he doubted she'd come his way again anytime soon. Ryuk traveled through walls whenever he pleased. The task force was away, celebrating the holiday in their own homes.
He listened for a while longer, hoping that it would stop. Surely there was nothing more on the other side of the door than a vacant hallway. Ravens and ghosts were only in books. He told himself again there was nothing there.
But, just as Watched Night had done, it grew louder and did not cease. Whatever it was, it demanded his attention and fought to prove how very real it was.
He found himself peeling his body off of the bed with tremendous effort. Light felt hundreds of times heavier and his mouth felt dry. His feet touched the ground and he walked through the floor as he had before, on a sort of cloudy autopilot. He didn't notice how one of his hands had refused to let go of the bear and it dangled at his side as he walked. The bedroom door stayed open behind him, filled with shadows.
He made it to the hallway, eyelids scarcely apart from fatigue and the blinding lights, and stared at the door at the very end. The sound came from it, there was no mistake.
Light continued onward and forced his gaze to stay fixed on the doorknob. In his peripherals he'd seen the kitchen. He couldn't look at it. He'd see him there again.
But quickly he found he'd already had his hand resting on the knob. The door rattled a bit with each knock, continuing still. He didn't care how rumpled his clothes would look or how untidy his hair was and remained unaware of the stuffed bear in his other hand.
And so Light turned the doorknob after another succession of knocks. He opened the door just a fraction, enough for one eye, and peered out into the elevator hallway.
His entire body went rigid at once and he screamed.
A/N: Trust me when I say it's important to hang around for the next chapter.
Meanwhile, I'd love to receive some reviews (the best present, I say). I'll never be the kind to only upload a chapter until receiving X amount of reviews, but I would extremely enjoy some for Christmas. I'm nearly done with the chapter for January 1st, so expect to see it sometime tomorrow!