Disclaimer: The characters setting and familiar situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. I'm not making any monetary profit from this.
Moms
I was walking in a wasteland, carrying a large bag that I was dragging behind me. I didn't seem to recognize where I was. This bag is heavy and ugly, and I wished I could just drop this baggage, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I do, so I continue to pick it up. Sighing, and humped from the weight of this burden, I walk on and on. Finally, giving in to the weight, I fall down and I'm unable to get up or move, every movement felt like I was in quicksand. Then I see it, the red sun in the sky getting lower and lower, but it seemed strange. It felt hot at first, then turned cold. I blinked rapidly expecting it to burn my eyes, but it doesn't. I then realize, it's not one sun, but two. I tried to continue on when I saw the suns move with my movement. I looked at them harder and realized, they're not suns...they're eyes, crimson red eyes peering down at me….
"Bella! Wake up!"
"Mom?" I said out of breath.
"I'm here, baby."
Gasping, drenched in sweat and disoriented of my surroundings, I came to with that oh-so-familiar sense of foreboding. Another nightmare. Even here, over 2000 miles away in the safety of my mother's house? What is going on?
Cradling me to her chest, Renee began rocking and comforting me. I was trembling. She was warm, it was so nice. I could hear mom's rapidly thumping heart slow down a little as she rubbed my back. I must have scared the crow out of her for her to be here like this. It reminded me so much of those times in my childhood. Momma fighting the scary dreams and monsters for me.
"Bella, you were screaming. What were you dreaming? It must have been pretty horrible from the sound of it."
"What's wrong, is she all right?" Phil was in the doorway slightly out of breath, moving a little slower than usual these days, but he got there as fast as he could. He had one of his baseball bats in his hand. I guess to Phil it sounded like someone was trying to kill me.
"She's fine, I've got her. I think it was just a dream."
Shaking his head, "A dream?" he breathed heavy and clutched his chest as though his heart were going to jump out of it. "Are you kidding me? It sounded more like Freddy Krueger was after her! You all right, Bella?"
Slightly embarrassed I shook my head yes. "I-I'm fine guys, really. I have them sometimes, okay. I- I don't even remember what it was about," I fibbed, still a little shaken.
Renee shot Phil a look. From the look they exchanged it didn't seem like either one of them bought it.
"Well since no one's killing you, I'm gonna head back to bed. Take your time, Ren. Phew!" Phil said, running his fingers through his hair.
"Okay, babe, love you. I won't be long," Renee said, gratefully. "You sure you're all right?" she asked, looking at me.
"I'm fine, mom, okay. Look, Scout's honor." I then held up two fingers.
"Um, yeah okay, except no. 1 you were only a Brownie for a couple of months and no. 2 - wrong number of fingers honey," Renee cleared her throat, "...and hand."
"Oh," I chuckled. "Well, whatever. See, I told you I was lousy at the Scouts thing. You were right to pull me out of that. The cookie selling would have done me in."
We both giggled. Clearly, whatever demons haunted my dreams scattered as soon as I was awake. Practice makes perfect, I guess. On my last visit, Renee said she noticed something different about me. It's only been a few months and I can tell from the way she looks at me now that she still sees an inscrutable change. It's true. I AM different. With all that I've been through, how could I not be?
"Well, all right. Get some sleep then...and no more nightmares," Renee cautioned with a mock serious tone. She kissed the top of my head.
"I won't," I smiled. As if I can do anything about that, I thought. Renee left me alone again.
As I lay on my side, clutching my blanket, bits and pieces of my dream resurfaced. As much as I tried not to think of it because the fear was still clearly felt, something was weird about it. Pieces of it just didn't make any sense.
What was I dragging? What was in the bag and why was it important that I carry it? Maybe this was one of those 'doesn't make any sense' kind of dreams; like when you've eaten something before bed or you dream of what you saw on TV.
However, I was determined not to think of the one aspect of my dream I could understand, the only one, in fact. The eyes. I was sure that's what they were. It was all too painfully real why I was so scared of them.
Scared.
Why should I be scared? That actually doesn't make any sense when you think about it. How can I be so scared of the vampires of the world and yet still insist on being with them? Even becoming one of them?
Maybe I shouldn't fight it so much. If this really is my destiny, to be one of them then why wait? Why not go to the Volturi right now and have one of them turn me, I'm sure they'd do it. Aro was especially curious to see what kind of vampire I'd be.
I was also sure Alice can see my intentions right now, but she's on my side, I rationalized. She wants me to be turned. But then again, I'm not sure Alice is watching for them. She's been so crazed with wedding details, I don't know if she's watching anyone right now. What if she's not? A sudden chill ran down my back as thoughts of Alice's distracted state preoccupied my mind.
And after all, Alice can't see everything. Alice could and has slipped. I was remembering Victoria, Riley and the newborns now and how they used the holes in Alice's vision. But Victoria had inside information, I rationalized. She of course knew of the holes, but does Aro? The Volturi just don't seem like they'd be capable of honoring any bargains. Why would they? What do ancient vampires care about honor? And humans are just play things to them. But Edward would have seen his intentions or deception in his thoughts. As far as I know there's nothing to worry about, but still. The Volturi and other rogue vamps like James and Laurent are out there. There's probably more than anyone realizes. That wasn't exactly reassuring…in fact the very thought made me shudder. I just hoped somehow it would all work out. But frankly right now I'm too tired to care.
All this going back and forth wore me out. I cuddled into my blanket even more and gave one more big yawn before giving in to sleep, hoping to get a break from dreaming.
I awoke with the alarm and even at 8:00 AM the morning sun was hot. Sun beams were streaming in through the blinds I had forgotten to close the night before. Going from a practically sunless state to one known for its extreme sun and sticky heat was a nuisance. It wasn't exactly ideal.
And mom wants me to go to school down here? Yuck! Still, I do love the beach. I had never learned to surf, but I got real good at sand castles, in fact the few times I visited the beaches in California were short and hurried. There never seemed to be enough extra money for big vacations. But sometimes mom would get tired of working and doing the dutiful daily rituals of taking me to and from school and cleaning the house, just to come home and do it all again that she would call in sick for both of us. She would wake me up in the middle of the night and just drive. There was no plan usually, no particular destination, just have an adventure or two. Nothing crazy or unsafe, but definitely a little unconventional according to some people's standards. Charlie would never have approved, I'm sure.
"It's good for the soul," she would say when I asked her about our little outings. It was just me and her back then so there wasn't really anyone around to answer to. Phil wasn't in our lives yet or he surely would have been the co-conspirator in the whole thing. Phil's zany, too, but not in an incurable Peter Pan kind of way. He's actually the responsible one of the two, always pays his bills (usually on time), and he's a good husband to her. He supports her and her randomness. And just like mom, if he sees an opportunity to have fun he takes it. He and mom are good together but they've decided they can't both be crazy at the same time, it's too dangerous. Time might stop, or the Earth would hop out of its orbit or some other catastrophic event could happen. We've all agreed that for the good of mankind, one would always be the adult while the other had their turn at constrained insanity. So far it's been a good arrangement.
Since Edward stayed behind in Forks I didn't have to worry about him being seen or needing to hurry back to keep him company. This trip was all about me. I could just lounge around if that's what I wanted. But I couldn't help, but want to have Edward with me. I hated having fun without him. I felt guilty and my thoughts were always with him, but I know why he volunteered to stay.
Edward knows how much I love my mother. Giving her up to be with him is not ideal, but then again neither is growing into a senior citizen and having Edward be mistaken for my grandson. Nothing about that pleases me. If only I could keep them both. Mom raised me to be independent and that's what I'm doing, I just never thought it would be so hard.
The more time I get with mom while I still can, the better. I promised Edward I would make some good memories while I was here and I intend to. Starting with today's adventures. Mom wouldn't say last night what she had in store for me but knowing her, it could be anything. I finished getting dressed and put my hair up in a ponytail. I needn't bother putting on makeup because for one thing anyone I'd care to impress is 2000 miles away, and for another, I'd just sweat it off anyway. It's muggier than Hades here.
As I was about to head out of my bedroom, I stood in the doorway and paused, took a deep breath and crossed myself like I've seen people do in movies when they're about to attempt something dangerous, and headed downstairs.
I noticed mom was already up and bustling around, looking for something.
"Keys, keys, what did I do with my keys?" Renee mumbled to herself.
We've played this game before, many times. Renee is probably the most disorganized person I know.
"Did you check your purse?" I said.
"Of course I did, that was the first place I checked."
"Did you check your pockets?"
"Bella, of course I did, I'm not a complete-" the sound of jingling as Renee patted her pockets was unmistakable. Her face contorted is if to say, "Oh no I did it again."
I couldn't help it. I tried not to, but I laughed while giving her the look of "I told you so."
Renee sheepishly pulled her keys out. "Don't look at me like that! I knew they were there all along, I was just… testing you."
"Of course you were, what other explanation is there?" I said.
We both laughed. "Well I'm glad at least Your mind is here, mine however has gone on hiatus," she said, yawning. "I need COFFEE."
Hearing her say this as if coffee was the nectar of life for which she needed to live, prompted me to remember last night. None of us got a good night's rest. I suddenly felt a little guilty about that.
I took it upon myself to go figure out Renee's coffeemaker. You'd think they'd all be the same, I grumbled to myself. What's with all the buttons? I proceeded to fill the carafe with water when Renee reminded me to avoid the tap water because it tastes funny and to use the bottled water. That's probably a good rule of thumb when traveling come to think of it. But then again, as a vampire I'll never have to worry about little things like that.
That got me to thinking. I don't really consider myself well-traveled, just about every place I've been, with exception of going to Italy with Alice, involved my parents one way or another. And then, I couldn't exactly do any sight-seeing in Italy given the circumstances. I wondered how being a vampire would make traveling different for me. All the sights and all the experiences would be from a vampire's perspective, I'll have nothing to compare it to.
I suddenly felt a stirring in my belly and heard a gurgling noise.
"Boy, someone's hungry," Mom said.
"Uh yeah, I guess so." Perhaps the time difference was playing games with my metabolism, but I really wasn't that hungry, yet. But the achy twinge in my belly was hard to ignore, so after making the coffee I began searching for something to eat.
"OH! Let me do breakfast today!" Renee said excitedly.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. Her sudden outburst scared me. I was so jumpy these days.
"I'm sorry," she laughed, "I didn't mean to frighten you. Oh well, we'll consider that payback for last night."
"Uh, yeah okay." Uh oh. She brought it up. Now it's just a matter of time before she asks...
"So, what was all that about, Bella?" she asked.
...about the dream. Yep, right on cue. Well, I guess there's no point in lying to her.
"To be honest I really don't know." Which was true.
"Describe it to me."
I described the dream in as much detail as I could remember.
"Wow, well that's a strange one," she said in a slight chuckle. "And you don't know what any of that could mean?"
The bag, no. The eyes... "Why does it have to mean anything?"
"Because a lot of times dreams mean something - something real that your waking mind doesn't know how to process in any other way, so it comes out while you sleep."
"And Psych 101 rears its ugly head, again," I said, tauntingly.
"Hey, it doesn't take a psych major to see something's on your mind, baby girl. And knowing you, you're not dealing with it. You do that, you know. If something bothers you or scares you, you don't face it. You just put it in a little drawer, in a little desk somewhere deep inside your mind, like the whole ostrich-sand thing."
It helps to be fluent in Reneeish. The ostrich putting its head in sand analogy was precious. I don't do that. Do I?
I giggled, "You say it like it's a bad thing," trying to lighten things up.
She laughed. "Okay, I get it, you don't want to talk about it, typical."
"NoPe," I said with emphasis on the "P".
"Fine. Okay then, first - breakfast. Then, YOU'RE MINE!" feigning a maniacal laugh.
My insane mother was always fun, but sometimes the old woman in me worried about that girl.
We got in the car and headed north. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but being surrounded by beaches and touristy things, I just assumed it was one of the two. It's a good thing I never tire of being wrong. We were so engrossed in conversation I didn't notice where we were or how far we'd gone. We continued to travel north on I-95. Geography was never my strong suit, so I relied on the highway signs. Imagine my surprise.
"GEORGIA? Mother!" I cried in disbelief.
My mom laughed her nutty laugh, the one she uses just for occasions such as these, when she knows she got me.
I started laughing and covered my face; what in the world is she doing? But I've learned that when it comes to her you just gotta go with the flow and hope for the best. This wasn't surprising in the least. What did surprise me is how much I needed this. I hadn't realized until just now how intense everything's been for the last few months, and how much I've missed her.
We used to talk about everything, we used to know everything that was going on in our lives. She was so much more than a mother to me, she was at one time my best friend.
Once I got over the shock of the situation, tears began to well up and my eyes stung. Her tone changed, "What's wrong? Why do you look so sad all of a sudden."
I tried to blink the tears away, faked a smile and said, "It's nothing. I guess I've missed our little - adventures."
"Ohh," she said groaning. "Don't do that, now I'm going to cry."
I laughed, and she grabbed my hand and held on. This only made me want to cry more, but I turned my head so she couldn't see.
We continued to keep the conversation light. It was just now approaching noon and there was still a lot of day left.
She said, "Phil and I have come up here a few times, this area is just amazing. It's like another time."
"So where exactly are we going? New York?" I said joking.
She laughed, "No silly. We're actually not too far from it now," and she pointed to the road signs of nearby towns. One seemed to stand out above the others.
I gasped. "Savannah!"
"Mm-hmm," she said affirmatively.
"Oh my gosh!" I said. I couldn't contain my excitement.
Savannah's always been a fascinating city to me, definitely one of the 'places you should visit before you die' kinda place, or so I've been told. It's been in countless movies, too, so I was anxious to finally see it for myself. When we came in through the southside of the city, at first it looked like any other city. Malls, colleges, street after street of cars impatiently going somewhere and one chain restaurant after another. I'll admit, at first I was disappointed.
But then, after what seemed like forever driving to the downtown part of Savannah, the traffic got more congested and the streets seemed to get narrower. It's like we crossed over a threshold. Before I knew it, there was one really old building after another, a sea of bricks and wrought-iron gates and old world artistry. It was beautiful. Mom was right, it was like we were in another time. The ivy that ran along the walls of the antebellum houses were really impressive, they seemed to cling and grow on anything that stood still long enough. Then, the moment we entered one of the main streets that cut through the heart of downtown itself, we were greeted with row after row of trees covered in Spanish moss dripping off of them as if someone draped them in loops and loops of brown lace. I couldn't help but stare out the car window taking in the ambiance. It was more than just what you were seeing, you could literally 'feel' this town, it was hard to explain. It was like some part of me was waking up and coming alive, a part of me I didn't know was there. I felt completely at home here.
Mom was getting a kick out of my reactions. We bypassed square after square, she made a point of coming this way in order to point out places and streets that I had seen in movies like Forrest Gump and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. We were close enough to the river now to get out and walk around to soak up the scenery. When it got too hot, Mom promised we'd eventually eat on the riverfront. The river, which quite literally separates Georgia from South Carolina, runs along the entire length of old Savannah. Ships from another era that once floated into this harbor using only sails, have now have been replaced with cargo ships, the occasional yacht and/or sailboat, and river ferryboats. It was a pleasant surprise to find cobblestone streets and old fashioned gas lamps outside the little shops, some shops looked so small you wondered how people were able to move around in them. A klutz like me would have a hard time with that.
We stopped at Bernie's on the Riverfront and had a really good late lunch, everything was fried, and I mean everything. We felt a little out of place at first, but there's nothing typical about this pub. It's nautical theme mixed in with new advertisements and modern music, the tables made of really thick planks of wood were gnarled and mottled over time and the history of many a visitor being etched into it's stained wood added to the ambience. We walked along the riverwalk, stopping just long enough to look inside the nearby shops of local fare, one was a candle shop where they literally made their own carved candles, all kinds. The odor of the pralines shop next door captured us and lured us into their shop for samples. The pralines were utterly delicious. It blew us away. Mom and I walked away with bags of the stuff. We sat down on the benches facing the water and let the seagulls and children entertain us while we nibbled our treats.
The old 'Mom and me' team of adventurers was back, it was like I was 10 years old again, only mom was a little grayer and I wasn't a kid anymore. I'm an adult now. It was so strange to be saying that. It didn't occur to me until later, but I hadn't thought about Edward or Jacob even one time that afternoon. I had to admit, it felt kinda nice to stop worrying and just focus on me and have a good time. I guess this is what being a normal young adult is like, no responsibilities except doing homework and after-school activities. This must be what everybody else seemed to know, that life isn't always so desperate and hurried. Some girls actually only worried if a guy liked them, what will I wear to the dance, what's my major going to be? Something that seemed so vacuous before, now had an interesting allure to it. Man, what was it like to not have the world on your shoulders every minute of the day?
Well, I guess I know now. It's pretty nice, in fact it's great! I was smiling, and laughing at the seagulls - who are very smart as it turns out - and I was enjoying myself. Mom and I continued our stroll going around the block, the long way, to her car at a leisurely pace as the Savannah sun didn't allow for any other option. We were window shopping when we came across one shop that piqued my interest. It was called "The Raven's Moon," and it was a metaphysical book shop. Mom expressed some delight, she said she and Phil walked by this before but he was reluctant to go in. She was anxious to check it out. Truth be told I would have gone in without her, something about this place was drawing me in, but I passed it off as innocent curiosity. But then again, curiosity did kill the cat I reminded myself. I tried not to think of that as I walked in through the door and quickly forgot it as the chimes went off alerting the store clerk of our presence.
The lady, dressed in a purple romance shirt with flared sleeves and short black hair greeted us with a welcoming smile. Any preconceived notions I may have had were allayed with that smile. This must be the southern hospitality everyone's always talked about. She must get a lot of out-of-towners and they probably all ask the same inane questions, so I kept mine to myself. Mom strode over to the incense section while I began perusing the jewelry section which was really just a small corner by the front window. As I turned around I noticed a reflection of the lady at the counter looking at me. I smiled back and began to look through the nearby section of oils and perfumes. There was something in the way this lady looked at me. It was as if she recognized me, I must remind her of someone, I rationalized, and put it out of my head.
All of the scents and aromas were beginning to make my head swirl, so I meandered over to the next section which were candles. I was totally bowled over by how many different types there were. I've never put much thought into aromatherapy, but each scent, it seems, has a function, some extremely specific. Here they've taken it to all new heights; some to help treat depression, acne, even PMS. I came across the scents intended to help you find romance and quickly moved passed it, the last thing I needed was another complication. I was about to move to another section when a voice broke the silence.
"Can I help you find anything?" the store clerk said behind me, her name badge said, "Kara."
I jumped again. "Uh no, thanks, I'm just looking," and smiled back.
"Are you sure?" she said not quite convinced. "You seemed particularly interested in these candles, specifically. I could help you figure some of this out, if you like."
I was tempted to just let it go, but there was something in the way she was speaking to me, it wasn't like she was just some sales clerk using high-pressure tactics. She really seemed interested in me, even concerned. I felt so at ease around her. Just reading her face, it was as if she was dying to ask something.
"Uh, well now that you mention it, I could use a little help with these essential oil candles. There's so many and all the descriptions are just running together now, I can't tell one from the other. What do you have for - bad dreams?" I said, hesitantly.
She looked at me as if she understood completely. It was like I gave her the one clue she needed - to what - I have no idea.
"I sensed you had something weighing on your mind."
I looked at her surprised.
"It's a gift, I can generally sense what a person needs even before they do. It comes in handy at times like these," she smiled again. "Now, one route we could go would be to give you something that will relax you and will calm the nerves, and while this will help you to sleep it won't cure the dreams. I'm afraid dreams are more complex than that."
This didn't give me a good feeling.
"Dreams have a tendency to magnify and distort and corrupt the issues that are really bothering you. So the trick isn't in a magic pill or something to make the dreams stop. We don't want them to stop; they tell us things. What we need to do is find out what's causing them. Once your dreams are simplified and become more clear you can begin the process of fixing whatever it is that's causing your dreams in the first place."
I was lost but she felt sure of what she was talking about, and that gave me confidence.
"Now let me see...let me see...Ah here we go," she said. She seemed very pleased with herself.
"This is what you need. Right now there's so much in your head that it's all a jumble, am I right? Impossible to sort out?"
I nodded.
"When you're ready, take a nice hot bath and light this. There must be no distractions, you must let yourself feel what you feel, let yourself go and allow whatever images and memories this conjures up to run its course. You may notice something right away or it may take several times, it's different for everyone. Either way you mustn't be afraid. It's the only way to make those dreams go away once and for all."
This perhaps sounded more ominous than she intended but I took what she said to heart. "What if this doesn't work," I asked.
"When you're ready, it'll work in ways even you may not expect. This is just a tool, not a cure-all. It's just to help things along, that's all. The one in here (she said touching her head) and the one in here (she was touching her heart) will find their way."
I was afraid to ask what she meant, but she seemed so sure of herself. By that time, mom was ready and so was I. We checked out and as I was leaving, Kara reached for my hand and lightly patted me.
"Don't worry, you'll all be fine."
As we left the store, her assistant, a frumpy, plain-looking woman that couldn't be taller than 5 feet tall came in to relieve Kara for dinner. Kara didn't move or acknowledge her. Kara's eyes were transfixed on us as we left.
"Kara? You have goosebumps. What's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost?" she said in a strong Georgia drawl.
Kara looked down with a fascinated/surreal look on her face, her black hair moving to one side as she looked up to say, "My dear Nora, I think I just did."
A/N: Yay I'm Back! Thank you all for your patience, it's been so crazy around here you just wouldn't believe it. Anywho, as you can see Bella has a lot to deal with but that's nothing new. I haven't lived in Savannah for years so my description may or may not be accurate but I wrote what I could remember of it. The way Bella feels about it is how I felt about it when I lived there. I miss it. The book store is also right out of my memory too, although I don't think it's there anymore, however there's quite possibly another one just like it. I couldn't remember the name so I just came up with the one above, I thought it was cool. Ha! This is of course a fantasy/fictional story so keep this in mind as I delve into the metaphysical realm just a tad. I've also gone back and made a few minor changes here and there in all of my previous chapters. Nothing too significant, probably nothing you would even notice, but I did. Stay tuned, there's more to come!***