Blind to You

by Kanemoshi

Kakashi would do anything for his friends, but when it comes to protecting the person he secretly cares for most, will he be able to put not only his life, but his very heart in danger to save a man who is blind to him and his feelings? Kakashi/Iruka

8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Iruka found himself laughing at his bodyguard. Inu was mumbling horribly rude things under his breath and most of them were in reference to a certain "evil teacher." Said demon-spawn snorted as he bumped his shoulder against the taller man, throwing him off balance and, thus, forcing Inu to stop his grumbling.

"You did your best," Iruka said with the most serious tone he could muster, but couldn't hold up the façade for long. Dissolving into another fit of laughter, he reveled in the knowledge that he had finally gotten that damn bell from his bodyguard. He had thought his idea was ingenious – Inu thought it was underhanded and was still griping about it, even though they were already halfway back to the apartment.

Kakashi glared at his evil charge through the narrowed slits of his mask. Iruka had no idea what kind of hell he put him through! He had never actually believed the teacher would have gotten a bell. After over a decade of training with Naruto and Sasuke, neither young man had yet to succeed in divesting him of one of the metal balls. And they were two of the most talented warriors in the shinobi world!

But he forgot that Iruka was a trickster in his childhood. That oversight cost him the bell that now hung proudly around Iruka's neck, jingling a happy little tune that made Kakashi glare all the more.

Iruka snickered, recalling his strategy. It involved borrowing Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu. The brunet thought that Inu deserved it for all the times he teased him for not getting the bell. Maybe it was a little mean, however, to modify the jutsu because he knew Inu to be gay.

Having never performed the modified version before, Iruka had no idea exactly what it was that Inu saw, but whatever it was, it sent the ANBU member into something of a "fit." He could only imagine that, underneath his dog-shaped mask, Inu's nose was still stuffed with tissues. Cackling, the teacher flicked the bell around his neck, just to remind his bodyguard that he had finally won.

Kakashi wished he had not had his Sharingan open at the exact moment the smoke had cleared, but he couldn't help himself. Out of surprise, Obito's eye took on a mind of its own and copied the image unfolding before him. Now, for the rest of his life, he would have a perfect replica of a naked Iruka, posing in a way that could only be called suggestive, and having the most seductive expression on his face. Instead of altering his body, like Naruto's original jutsu, Iruka had found the fastest way to divest himself of all his clothes and give his poor, unsuspecting bodyguard heart palpitations and an erection that could have been used as a weapon.

Sneaky bastard. But damn if he didn't love him all the more for it.

Finally, Kakashi's bruised pride started feeling a little better as he watched Iruka grin from ear to ear. If it meant his ego took a little beating, it was worth it to get one of those smiles from Iruka. Since defeating Kakashi's clone, their sparring practices had improved exponentially. Though they were still a little awkward at times as he tripped over uneven ground or fell into something, Iruka's attacks no longer missed him as frequently as they used to. No, if the ache in the jounin's battered torso was any indicator, the teacher was getting more and more proficient with using his four remaining senses to hold his own against an elite shinobi.

Kakashi quickly turned his gaze away from his charge, realizing he had been staring, and he felt his face warm. Though he knew no one could see his features, it did not stop the wave of shyness that hit him. Falling silent once again, the jounin took quick glances, studying the proud brunet with admiration.

Every inch the shinobi, Iruka exuded a confidence Kakashi was a little envious of. His body was well-honed, his step light. And, with each movement, the teacher radiated pleasure in his own accomplishments. Unable to help himself, Kakashi studied his charge. Three months of blindness had changed Iruka in ways only people close to him would notice. His body had far more definition, showing that he now trained more than he used to while pulling double shifts at the academy and Missions Office. His movements showed that he was more aware of his body, of his balance, and his immediate surroundings. But perhaps the biggest change that one could see with a single glance was the teacher's face.

In the past few weeks, he had grown accustomed to Iruka's scars, which the teacher now rarely covered up, but that was not what Kakashi's attentions focused on. No, it was the expression on his face. It was obvious that Iruka had lost some of that naivety that he was so well-known for. In its place was an understanding of the world around him that revealed he had come to terms with who and what he was. No longer did Iruka complain about his lack of sight – he instead used it to his advantage in every way possible.

Iruka had to bite back a chuckle when he felt his bodyguard watching him through what would have normally been considered subtle looks. The brunet doubted if any other person would have noticed how Inu's eyes kept passing over him, but he was so in tune with the man next to him that Inu might have well just kept his eyes glued to Iruka for how obvious he was being.

The brunet couldn't help but find Inu's timid actions kind of cute, but at the same time, he wondered why he felt as though those glances were certainly not ones a bodyguard should be giving his charge.

"Maa…you did well today," Kakashi reluctantly admitted, never having been comfortable with giving compliments. Even his old students called him stingy with his praises, though he had always tried to show how impressed he was with their skills.

"Thank you." Iruka's eyes widened in amazement, not accustomed to the gruff admiration in Inu's voice. Despite knowing he probably deserved the praise, he still felt a blush come to his face. As unused as his bodyguard was to giving compliments, Iruka was just as uncomfortable receiving them. Call him modest if you will, but Iruka never grew used to such kind words. His parents were taken from him far too early and he had been rebellious for so many years that he did not get the approval other children received every day.

As the two shinobi made their way through the village, Kakashi continued to watch his charge and Iruka could only guess what was going through his bodyguard's mind. The brunet couldn't ignore the feelings those furtive glances resulted in – the butterflies in his stomach that refused to go away.

He couldn't help but notice how Inu's strong hand brushed against his and how much he liked the feel of those long digits against his own.

XXX

Iruka sighed as he ran his fingers along the rim of his coffee mug. He could feel the steam rising up, weaving between his fingers. The tips of his fingers, however, nearly burned as he touched the hot porcelain for another moment. This little ritual had become the norm for him so that he could determine if his coffee was the right temperature. Lifting his mug of coffee to his lips, Iruka reveled in the scalding heat before taking a sip. His toes very nearly curled in pleasure as he tasted the nutty flavor of his black coffee.

What better way to spend a lazy day than to be curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and beautiful background music?

Focusing his attention on his bodyguard, Iruka listened to the notes until he recognized the melody. It was a piece Inu played quite often, but never told Iruka the name of. Having gotten to know Inu well enough, Iruka knew better than to press. His bodyguard's tight-lipped behavior towards this song told him that it was something his mother must have written or played often. Smiling sadly, Iruka wished he could have a similar link to his parents, but the only thing he had left to remember them by had been his teaching. It was more than a job, but it was not until Iruka thought he was going to lose his hitai-ate that he realized just how important teaching was and how much he had to thank his bodyguard for.

The Elders and the Hokage finally agreed to discuss the possibility of Iruka returning to the academy as soon as his attacker was found and dealt with. Iruka did not ask Inu and his bodyguard did not say anything, but the brunet knew that the older man had something to do with that. More than likely, Inu had called in favors and pulled strings while Iruka was asleep for such a wonderful thing to happen. How else could Iruka have the chance to prove blindness was not a reason to lose his hitai-ate?

When he had been informed about the meeting over his ability to teach, Iruka had once again lost control over his emotions and found himself kissing his bodyguard's cheek until he felt Inu's violent blush against his lips. But how else could he thank the man who was giving him his life back? Both of his parents loved teaching at the academy, so it was no wonder he had fallen in love with the profession as well. In a way, it was the best way to honor their memory, and for Inu to help him continue that, Iruka could not thank him enough.

Now all that he needed was the capture of his would-be assassin.

Closing his eyes, Iruka ran back through the past three months, but could not recall a single event that even hinted that his attacker was going to come back and finish the job. Maybe Tsunade was right in saying that the attack might have been meant for her. That highly-likely possibility, however, was not enough for her to dismiss Inu - and Iruka was infinitely thankful for that. He did not want to think about how much his life would change once Inu was no longer a part of it. He would no longer be woken up by slobbery kisses from a pack of dogs who protected him while he and Inu slept. No longer would he have someone to talk to, to train with, or even to simply sit with and listen to. He would lose this comfortable atmosphere that he was already all too accustomed to.

That was what he was going to miss most of all - just sitting with Inu and doing nothing more than relaxing. It did not matter if Inu was practicing his piano, reading out loud, or just watching Iruka while the brunet daydreamed. Iruka was content to just be in Inu's presence. Having never had this kind of comfortable relationship with someone, Iruka found it addictive. Even Naruto would have lost his mind after a few hours of relaxing, bouncing around energetically until Iruka agreed to go do something. What he did not appreciate was the beauty of not having to fill every waking moment with words or actions.

Leaning forwards, Iruka gently ran his fingers along the polished wood coffee table until he felt the round coaster he demanded Inu use. After having spent hours sanding, staining, and polishing that table on rainy days, he was not about to let his bodyguard ruin it again. Had it not been for Inu's laughter over his obsessiveness, Iruka would have felt strange making rules for the ANBU member's apartment. But Iruka could not imagine what it would be like for Inu to argue with him. It was just not part of the man's character. If nothing else, Inu seemed to enjoy making him happy, no matter how nit-picky his demands were.

Slowly, Iruka placed his half-full cup of coffee on the coaster. Once he assured himself that the cup was not going to tip over and spill its hot contents everywhere, Iruka stood up and followed the music to its source. As he approached his bodyguard from behind, he could hear the music falter for a moment, telling him that Inu was aware of his movement. The music did not stop, however, until the final bars. Since his hearing returned, Iruka came to realize that Inu was obsessive in his own ways as well. If playing a piece, little would make him stop in the middle of a movement.

As the last powerful chord faded away, Iruka brought a hand up to touch his bodyguard's shoulder.

"Don't tell me you finished your coffee already," Inu said jokingly as Iruka felt that muscular shoulder shift underneath his touch. Knowing Inu must have turned to look at him, Iruka found himself shaking his head. His bodyguard was why his addiction to coffee had gotten even worse in the past few months. Inu did not drink coffee, so Iruka found himself drinking entire pots, easily drinking twice as much as before losing his vision. Coffee, along with just about everything else that passed his lips, tasted so much better with his heightened senses so much so that Iruka indulged his taste buds every chance he got. If it was not for his and Inu's hours of training, he would have become a butterball by now. Instead, he was fitter than ever, but with an appetite that made his bodyguard snicker.

"Bored?" Kakashi guessed as he watched his charge space out. It was not part of their routine to be cooped up indoors, but it had been raining for the past three days straight. Even if he personally had the urge to train, he would not take Iruka out in this weather. Not only would the ground be slippery, but Iruka's heightened sense of hearing would probably be unable to pick much up with the patter of rain and thunder. Kakashi would have summoned Pakkun or Bull to entertain Iruka, but the ninken were busy today. He had already run through his entire collection of Icha Icha novels, so there was little to read until the next one came out in a few days.

Not for the first time, Kakashi had the desire to try teaching Iruka how to play the piano. Despite Iruka's adamant professions of being incapable of learning, Kakashi knew Iruka enjoyed listening and, more than once, caught a glimpse of the teacher's fingers moving in-time with the notes. Recalling the first few months of teaching himself how to play, Kakashi knew that it took time to learn even the basics. Iruka just needed time and practice, just like with anything else. Unable to help himself, Kakashi all but pulled his charge down onto the bench next to him. Iruka squeaked at the quick movement, but then fell silent.

Inu had tried teaching him before, but he had always hovered over Iruka's shoulder as Iruka touched the cool keys. This time, however, the ANBU member was much closer. Blushing furiously, Iruka could not pull his attention away from the muscular thigh touching his own. Inu's entire side was intimately pressing against his own frame. How was he even supposed to listen to Inu's words when his pulse was pounding in his ears, when Inu's warm body next to his made him tremble?

Kakashi found Iruka's blush absolutely adorable. Unable to help himself, he grinned. Gently, he took one of Iruka's fists from the teacher's lap and, loosening the brunet's clenched fingers, began placing them on the keys. It was a simple chord, but it was anything but easy as Kakashi ran his fingertips along Iruka's hand, trying to show the teacher how to hold his fingers and wrist. As he pressed Iruka's fingers down, releasing a perfect major chord from the piano, Kakashi watched as Iruka's eyes widened slightly.

It was amazing how hard people thought it was to play an instrument. All it took was dedication and passion, both of which Iruka had in excess if he was willing to relax just a little bit. Finally, as the chord faded, Iruka's fingers lost some of their rigidity, allowing Kakashi to reposition them into the next chord. This time, however, he let go and waited until Iruka pressed his fingers down. Both pairs of ears were met with a staccato note as Iruka's fingers jerked back in surprise at the loud noise.

Kakashi sat back as he watched Iruka hesitantly alter between the two chords, pressing the keys down so gently, the jounin was barely able to hear the sound, but from the look on Iruka's face, the brunet was able to hear it just fine. A smile crept onto his face as he watched Iruka experiment with the keys, discovering for himself the sound of each key in the middle octave. As Iruka hit a particularly discordant chord that made both men cringe, Kakashi took over again, gently moving Iruka's fingers to play the melody of the piece he had been playing a short while ago.

Glancing up at the sheet music, Kakashi smiled as his eyes drifted over his mother's handwriting. He doubted she thought her music would be used as a means to teach the man he loved how to play the piano. He knew that she would not have minded - if anything, she probably would have been happy that her music was being put to good use for once and that someone else besides her secretive son was able to hear her favorite piece.

Iruka followed Inu's unspoken direction, repeating the notes over and over until he was certain he felt confident in judging which key was responsible for which sound. Having heard Inu play this piece so many times, he found himself humming the notes under his breath to make sure his playing matched up with the sounds he was so accustomed to. After several repetitions, Inu's fingers took his again and moved them to different keys, silently showing him how to play the next bar.

Iruka bit his lower lip to stop himself from gasping as Inu's fingers brushed along his knuckles. Those touches, ones not meant to be seductive, were perhaps the most arousing things Iruka had ever felt. Trying to harden himself against Inu's searing touch, Iruka found it impossible to keep himself from jerking back as Inu's fingers grazed the sensitive skin along the inside of his wrist. How had he survived over a month of those gentle touches and warm fingertips against his flesh? Never before was he so thankful for his hearing back. He would have melted into a pool of desire if Inu still had to talk to him through characters on his palm.

Hell, he would have probably begged the ANBU member to do whatever he wanted with him if Inu had to still write on him in order to hold a conversation. Just the thought of what that might entail made Iruka's entire body feel all too warm.

Kakashi eyed his charge, wondering what could possibly be going through Iruka's head for him to blush from head to toe so vibrantly. He brought a finger up to his charge's back and, as gently as he could, began writing. Are you feeling alright, Iruka? Even before his first characters were completed, Kakashi heard the brunet whimper as his back arched, pressing against the jounin's fingers. It did not take his perverse mind more than a moment to realize what was making Iruka behave so strangely.

Recalling just how sensitive Iruka's sense of touch was, Kakashi flushed and quickly pulled his hands away from his blind charge. It had not been his intent to arouse his charge, even though every fiber of his being was screaming for him to continue teasing Iruka's senses. The only thing holding him back was his damn sense of honor and logic. He had only meant to teach him a few bars of the piece he had just been playing.

All but burying his hands between his legs to keep himself from touching Iruka's body to discover the brunet's most sensitive spots, Kakashi did his best to busy his mind with anything other than thoughts of Iruka. But with Iruka's warm body pressed against his own, he failed miserably at directing his thoughts away from his charge. He knew it would only take a few touches to bring Iruka to his knees. A few kisses and the brunet would be begging him for more. Having discovered for himself just how sensitive blindfolded lovers were, he could only imagine permanent blindness would increase the sensations of sex a thousandfold, if not more.

Damn, the sex would be amazing if only Kakashi had the courage to go against everything he believed in. But Iruka was his responsibility. He was entrusted with more than Iruka's physical well being. He had to protect Iruka mentally and emotionally, not only from the village and Iruka's attacker, but from himself. He knew Iruka well enough now to know that the brunet did not have casual sex - not that Kakashi would ever be able to let the brunet go once he made love to him. No, he would do anything to keep Iruka by his side if he was ever that lucky. Yet he knew better than to act on his feelings for Iruka. Emotionally, Iruka was not ready for a relationship any deeper than what they had right now.

Before his desire took over and he did something they both would regret, Kakashi slid off the bench and started towards the bathroom. He had already become all too accustomed to cold showers since Iruka moved in with him. Before he made it out of the living room, however, Iruka spoke.

"Thank you, Inu," Iruka whispered as his fingers ghosted over the keys of the piano. The tips of his fingers could still pick up the heat of Inu's own hands on the ebony and ivory, but without Inu right next to him, the brunet's entire body felt colder. He knew just how difficult it was for his bodyguard to walk away - having kissed Inu once, he knew the kind of passion the ANBU member kept locked away. He had heard the increase of his heartbeat, felt the slight tremble to his fingers - he could all but taste Inu's desire.

His own body shivered, knowing that that need was entirely directed at him. Inu felt far more for him than he let on. The occasional brush of their hands, the infrequent hugs, the gentle touches - those were nothing compared to what Inu would do if their situation was different. Iruka had the feeling that if his life was not in danger, he might have found someone he may be willing to spend a lifetime with. Blushing at that thought, Iruka kept his face turned away from his bodyguard, knowing that Inu would be able to read his features as though Iruka came right out and told him.

He could not call it love - not by a long shot. He had loved Mizuki, but this was different. He did not hold his tongue around Inu, afraid he might anger him somehow. He did not pretend to enjoy being in his company because he did not want to deal with another fight. He did not wonder why Inu kept things from him; he did not have the sinking feeling he was being lied to constantly. In so many ways, his time spent with his bodyguard was the complete opposite of what he had experienced with his lover. Iruka did not want to admit it, but deep in his heart, he knew the worst day spent with Inu was a thousand times better than his best day with Mizuki. Perhaps, if given the chance, he could find that happy relationship so many of his friends had discovered. But, though it might be selfish, Iruka needed something before he could think of the possibility of love. He would need Inu's complete trust. That meant one thing: he would have to hear Inu's name from the ANBU member's own lips.

Kakashi watched as Iruka busied himself with the piano, playing those few bars over and over. With each time, his fingers became more secure, releasing clear notes that made Kakashi's stomach tighten. The rhythm may be off slightly, but even his perfect performance of the piece could not compare to Iruka's. Those notes were filled with an emotion Kakashi could not place. Had he ever heard his mother play the piece, he knew her interpretation of the music would be just as moving as Iruka's. Kakashi's natural eye ghosted over the top of the sheet music, close enough to read the delicately written title. If he was a braver man, he would have told Iruka the title the first and only time his charge asked him about it. But, revered shinobi he may be, he was still terrified of Iruka hating him for who he was. His functional eye stared at those words as he listened to Iruka playing the only piece of music his mother named after him.

For Kakashi, with Love.

XXX

Iruka rested his forehead against the window pane, his head almost immediately beginning to hurt from the cold temperature of the glass against his warm skin. His concentration had drifted from his bodyguard's deep, seductive words some time ago. Considering the fact Inu was still reading aloud from the newly released Icha Icha Passion, the ANBU member had yet to realize he was no longer paying attention.

Instead of listening to Inu's voice, Iruka was focusing on the downright frigid temperature of the window. It had been cold outside, which had caused Inu to demand they cut that afternoon's practice short. Since then, the brunet had been cooped up in the house with little other to do than listen to his bodyguard read and replay their sparring matches. Every once in a while, he shifted and was rewarded with a soft jingle, reminding him of his victory from a few weeks ago.

Most days, he and the ANBU member were in hysterics over the horrendous prose in the Icha Icha series for hours. Other days, he simply sat and listened to Inu play the piano. He could fully appreciate the beautiful music, perhaps better than a normal person because of his excellent hearing, but knew he could never replicate the sounds that would at times reveal the raw emotions his bodyguard otherwise kept tightly locked away. After that one day Inu began teaching him, Iruka tinkered with the piano, but his bodyguard never again held his fingers, touching him in far more ways than physical. Never again did Inu sit next to him, their bodies pressed against one another as Iruka tried to control the sensations running through him. Instead, they kept a distance between them, not speaking about that afternoon other than Inu's few comments on how Iruka was learning the piano faster than he had.

Since that illuminating day weeks ago when Iruka found out about his bodyguard's handicap, Inu had begun opening up to the brunet more and more. He now knew his bodyguard was far more than the fiercely loyal and powerful shinobi everyone must see him as. He also knew the man who read romance novels to laugh at their horribly-written plots and recycled phrases. The brunet had gotten to know the toddler who taught himself the piano at three years old so that he could know his mother through sheets of handwritten music. He was familiar with the little boy who lost his father in a traumatic event that, even three decades later, he could not bring himself to discuss. Only recently, Iruka had begun to recognize the teenager who lost, not only one of his eyes, but his entire team and his genin teacher in a relatively short period of time. He was even introduced to the determined young man who became an ANBU captain and fought for years amongst their ranks. Despite their closeness, however, Inu did not speak about much of his teenage years and his early twenties. Iruka understood that it was a far too painful and difficult thing for the shinobi to discuss and did not push him to reveal more than he was ready to.

Even considering the few things the older man refused to discuss, Iruka had the feeling he knew Inu better than anyone else alive.

In return, Iruka spoke of losing his own family. He replayed those first few lonely months until he began babysitting Naruto as a favor to the Third. He had fallen hopelessly in love with that baby, with his large, blue eyes and that smile that could warm anyone's heart. At just twelve years old, Iruka had taken Naruto in as his own brother and raised that little toddler with all the love and affection that he had. He had told Inu how, because of his unprecedented adoption of Naruto, he was never given any missions outside of Konoha that lasted more than two or three days. His genin team at times hated him for it – for limiting them. But there were times when they returned home from a quick, yet exhausting mission, that they understood his love for that baby. Always, their Hokage was waiting for them at the gates with that little ball of energy. It was then Naruto would fly from the Third's side into Iruka's outstretched arms, squealing in happiness that his brother was home. It did not matter if Iruka was gone for a few hours or a few days – Naruto peppered his face in kisses and told him about everything he and the Hokage had been up to while Iruka was away. It was then his team understood why he refused to take more challenging missions.

His sensei always smiled at Naruto's antics, and Anko simply snorted before ruffling the blonde's hair. Mizuki was the only one who did not feel the same kind of warmth towards the little boy. Looking back at it now, Iruka wished he had realized Mizuki's hatred of Naruto years before his betrayal. Had he known earlier, could he have done something to stop his lover?

Iruka had even told Inu a little bit about Mizuki. He had explained that, as teammates and old school rivals, they were much like Naruto and Sasuke. And, like those two young men, their constant competition and, at times, painful barbs had quickly led to something more. Unlike his brother and Sasuke, however, he and Mizuki had realized their romantic feelings for one another much earlier and had acted on it. Perhaps they should have waited until they were older to become lovers, but they had been fueled by the knowledge that life was short and unpredictable and the hormonal lust that came with being a teenager.

For ten years, Iruka had fancied the idea that he and Mizuki would be together for the rest of their lives. Even as he felt that blade slice into his back, a part of him heatedly denied the proof that that picturesque future was impossible.

Of all the things that Iruka told Inu, he could not bring himself to describe the emotional pain of having his life turned upside down because of Mizuki's betrayal. How could the ANBU member understand the heart-wrenching loneliness of coming home every day to an empty bed where there had always been a warm and loving partner for a decade? Could Inu imagine what it was like having to give over everything of Mizuki's to the ANBU teams that tore apart his home in search of anything that might hint as to where the traitor was hiding? Every picture, every letter – they had shredded his love life to bits, demanding information that Iruka did not have.

In that dark time, Iruka came to realize he didn't know Mizuki at all.

If he had known where Mizuki had fled to, Iruka was not sure if he would have killed the man himself or begged him for an explanation. Would he be able to ask Mizuki if he ever loved him or if, all that time, he was just using Iruka? Could he possibly ask himself if his love for his traitorous companion was truly love and not lust, hormones, and familiarity? Could it be possible that Iruka clung to his partner so tightly because he did not want anything to change?

No, of all the painful and emotional things he told the elite shinobi, that uncertainty was the one thing he still kept deeply hidden away in his heart. He did not know how to tell Inu that, having now experienced something far more wonderful than what he had with Mizuki, he was starting to realize that he had never been in love before. Whatever he had felt for Mizuki, it was not this budding warmth in his chest. It was not the awareness he felt every waking moment. It was not this skip in his heartbeat. It might not be love yet, but he felt more for a man whose name he did not even know than a man he had been prepared to spend his entire life with.

Kakashi's voice fell silent when he happened to glance over at Iruka. The teacher's silence was not all that uncommon, but the expression on his face was one that chilled the jounin's blood. Undeniable pain stretched across the brunet's scarred features. His mouth, customarily quirked up in a smirk, was pulled into a thin line that betrayed his attempts to stop himself from sobbing. But, no matter how tense his face became, it could not stop the tears from leaking out of useless eyes.

"Iruka…" Kakashi whispered, instantly putting down his book as he studied the brunet's face for any indication as to what was wrong. But there was none. It could not have been his words – he was just reading about how the two love-struck protagonists finally found each other after being separated for fifteen years. One had been imprisoned and sold as a slave, whereas his lover had been forced into a loveless marriage so that no one outside of his disgusted family knew of his desire for his own gender. They were not tears of joy, which Kakashi might have expected from the sentimental teacher. No, Iruka was certainly not crying because of the moving story.

Once again, Iruka was in pain and Kakashi did not know what to do to help him. He desperately wanted to go hold the teacher and tell him everything was going to be okay – but Kakashi was not one for fabrications. He could not tell Iruka something that he himself was not sure of. He had quickly come to learn that he was incapable of lying to the brunet, no matter how much the truth hurt. Instead of lies, he used omission when he felt uncomfortable with a topic. He did not lie about his Sharingan – he just did not tell Iruka that, after losing his eye, he had been given one of the Uchiha's famed eyes. He did not speak falsehoods when telling Iruka about his teams – he just never told him their names. He had said more than once that he admired Naruto as a shinobi and as their future Hokage, but not that he had seen that inner core of strength and fierce loyalty so many times because he had taught the boy.

"I-I think I want to go on a walk," Iruka said weakly as he moved to get off his perch on the windowsill. Kakashi watched him move to the front door with a grace and ease that the Copy Ninja had yet to master, even in all of his years as a partially blind shinobi. Quashing any twinge of envy he felt, he replaced it with pride.

Iruka had become far more confident after fighting with Kakashi's clone. He no longer second-guessed himself or the instincts that directed him. Instead, he moved with the confidence of a well-trained shinobi as he slipped on his shoes and walked out of the house. Kakashi followed behind his charge because of his duty and desire to protect the younger man, but kept his distance, knowing that Iruka needed some time alone.

As it was, Kakashi barely had time to throw on his boots and a cloak before racing out of the apartment and in the direction his headstrong charge had begun running in.

XXX

It hurt – the budding realization that he may not have loved Mizuki as much as he always believed. Love was not supposed to be as simple as it was in romance novels, but it was not something that should be a chore. He should not have had to be afraid of Mizuki's reaction to his words or actions. He shouldn't have to beg for a kind word or gentle touch. He shouldn't feel ill by the memory of being with Mizuki. If he was truly loved, he should be able to come up with a single memory that did not make him cringe in remembrance.

As he ran, the brunet realized that he had fallen more in love with the idea of love itself than with Mizuki. It was a painful discovery, but not as agonizing as the realization that whatever Mizuki had felt for him was certainly not the love he had professed so adamantly in the months before they became lovers. No, the man who could have thrown him aside so easily in the attempt to gain power certainly did not love him.

Sadly, Iruka had not had that same knowledge when he was thirteen and thought he was in love with the first boy to ever hold his hand or kiss him. Now, however, he knew just how heartless people could be. He knew the selfishness that Mizuki had tried to hide behind sharp remarks, teasing that became increasingly offensive - then it only escalated as they became lovers.

No, love was not supposed to be constantly painful. With that understanding came an acceptance that calmed the teacher down. If Mizuki never truly loved him, then he should feel no betrayal in finally admitting that he could not have loved the man. No, he had just clung to someone who had showed him a twisted form of compassion, who had evoked all kinds of emotions in him, but who had, most of all, been there when Iruka needed someone most.

Because of Mizuki, Iruka knew the value of a true friend. Because of his lover's betrayal, the brunet knew he could never trust people blindly. Above all else, Mizuki had taught him that there was no such thing as the kind of love in fairytales and romance novels. For those lessons, Iruka was thankful – they were facts that he would have learned eventually.

Iruka finally skidded to a stop once his eyes were dry and his uncontrollable sobbing had ended. Taking a few deep breaths, he was met with frigid air that made his nose begin to run and cool his throat. Running, he had not noticed the temperature, but now that he had stopped, it was all too obvious that it was below freezing. Cracking a small smile, Iruka wondered if – had he the ability to see – he could see his own breath. Despite his blindness, he still let out a slow, deep breath like he and Naruto always did when it was cold out.

Recalling that his little brother would be gone for another few weeks, Iruka let out a sigh. He had thought he would be fine with being without Naruto for a few months, spending his time working for Tsunade and at the academy. He thought he could be happy for Naruto in finding love, but he always felt a twinge of envy when he saw how wonderful Naruto's relationship was. Each time he saw the two shinobi together, he wished he had had the chance to feel something like that. He had somehow excused Mizuki's behavior, telling himself there were different kinds of love, but no matter how angry Sasuke got, he never harmed his precious lover.

Iruka felt the cool air against his face, recalling the one time Mizuki had hit him in public. He had merely slipped on the ice and bumped into his already irate lover, who was thrown off-balance into a pile of snow. He had not meant it, but that had not stopped the fist that hit his cheek with a resounding crack. Mizuki did not hit him often, but was violent in far different - and at times more painful - ways. He would make painful jabs at Iruka's scarred face. He would say that Iruka was weak to be content as a chuunin academy teacher. He called him squeamish for disliking taking an enemy's life. He called him a pitiful lover.

But, worst of all, Mizuki said he was a horrible shinobi who did not deserve his hitai-ate.

If Naruto was here, he would know just what to say to erase Iruka's depressing thoughts. He would somehow make Iruka laugh, allowing Iruka to hide away his feelings and fears so that he would not have to face them. But Naruto was not here and would not be back for some time. It would be the first Christmas he and Naruto wouldn't be together for, but Iruka did not hold it against the blonde and his husband. Naruto and Sasuke deserved at least one Christmas alone because it was unlikely they would ever have such a luxury again. Not when Naruto took over as Hokage – those two may have very few chances to be completely alone once they return.

Unable to stop himself, Iruka cracked a small smile as he wondered how Sasuke was going to deal with having a band of ANBU bodyguards sleeping outside his and Naruto's bedroom every night for the rest of their lives. Constant protection was one of the many requirements of a Hokage, but then again, with the head of ANBU sleeping with the Hokage, Iruka doubted Naruto could be any safer.

That thought reminded the brunet that he, too, was never by himself anymore. Inu was always near, but somehow made it so that Iruka could be alone when needed. Even now, he could sense his bodyguard in a tree behind him, facing the direction they came from as to give the brunet his privacy. Oh, the teacher was certain that all of Inu's attention was on him and their surroundings. Given a single indication of an attack, he knew his bodyguard would do anything and everything to protect him, but would leave him alone until then.

Iruka ran his hands along his quickly cooling arms, wishing he had thought to put on a jacket before racing out of the house. With that thought came a swift reprimand. He had dragged Inu out in the cold, and he had no idea if the ANBU member was dressed appropriately or, like himself, was in a t-shirt, a pair of thin pants, and sandals.

About to turn and apologize to his bodyguard for his inconsideration, Iruka froze when he felt something cold touch his completely bare face. Since fighting with Inu's clone, he had forgone any bandages on his face. He refused to hide his sightless eyes and the accompanying scars as though he was ashamed of them. Instead, he displayed them proudly when he and his bodyguard were out in public.

Along that same thought, Iruka had moved his hitai-ate. Now, it was tied to his right arm, where it no longer covered any of the scars Inu had once reluctantly described as being like cute, white freckles.

But Iruka did not wear his hitai-ate at the moment – it, along with his weapons, were back in Inu's apartment. Despite the cold, Iruka cracked a smile as he realized he was becoming lazy and too dependent on his bodyguard to protect him in the case of an attack. A year ago, he would not be caught dead in public without at least one or two blades on him. Now, however, he knew the feeling of complete and total security. He had nothing to fear so long as Inu was around.

Iruka was wrenched from his thought as another flash of cold hit his cheek, disappearing almost as quickly as it came. Tilting his head upwards, the brunet focused on the cool drops that now began landing on him more frequently. Finally, one landed on his lips and Iruka could not stop himself from licking the bit of coldness before it disappeared completely.

Immediately, he let out a slow breath of air as he recognized the precipitation. Snow. He felt another few flakes land on his face, melting as soon as they touched his warm skin. He had once loved the snow. He used to enjoy looking out and see the world coated in immaculate white and, as he focused on the air around him, he remembered how much he liked its clean smell and taste, which were only amplified by his loss of vision. Focusing on his feet for the first time since he left the apartment, he shifted and found the crunching sound under his sandals positively addictive.

Unconsciously Iruka stuck out his tongue to taste the delicate flakes in remembrance of his short childhood. He put his hand out, feeling the snow land on his palm and fingers, taking longer to melt in his freezing hand. Despite the cold temperature in his limbs, he had no desire to go indoors and warm back up. Not yet. For just a moment, he wanted his youthful innocence. He wanted to recall a time before Mizuki had ruined even something as simple as snowfall. He did not want to recall how, with a single, powerful hit, Mizuki had broken his nose that one day.

Despite his best attempts to keep his thoughts away from that one event, he still remembered how he was thrown to the snow by the force of his lover's hit. He could imagine the taste of the snow, once pure and cool, quickly melting and taking on a sickening metallic flavor. The sight of the bloodied snow beneath his face even now made his stomach turn. Though he could no longer picture the color of the bloodied snow, he could remember how it had set his stomach roiling all those years ago. He remembered the feel of Mizuki's fingers on the back of his neck, the sound of his lover's angry voice as Mizuki screamed at him for being a clumsy idiot. Oh, how Mizuki mocked him for the tears pricking his blackening eyes. Then there were his gasps for air as he tried to breathe, but even his mouth was filling with blood. It was not until hours later and a trip to the hospital with the pitiful excuse he had fallen and hit his nose against the floor that Iruka discovered he had done more than broken his nose. His cheekbone had been cracked, along with his jaw. In attempts to keep himself from crying out and giving Mizuki a reason to mock him even more, he had bit his tongue and very nearly severed it.

He had made up excuses for all of Mizuki's actions, naively believing his infrequent proclamations of love and apologies for hurting him.

Sensing his bodyguard nearby, Iruka knew that Inu would never let any harm come to him. He had the feeling that, if Inu knew about Mizuki and his abusiveness, there would be nowhere his ex-lover could possibly hide to save himself. Inu was so different from his ex-lover in so many respects, but especially in how he treated Iruka. He was trustworthy, compassionate, and above all else, Inu could never hurt him.

XXX

Kakashi leaned against the tree, wondering when Iruka would either call him down or start back towards the apartment. It was damn cold outside and it had started snowing again a few minutes ago. He did not hate the snow, but now that it was starting to come down heavily, he dreaded the wet, cold trek back to the other side of the village.

Snow meant ice. Ice meant he might slip and fall either on the ground or into something. Kakashi hated being clumsy, even if it was something as normal as falling on ice. He could tell the truth and say he slipped on the ice, just like any average person would have, but he would still feel as though his accident was because of his vision and that his little mistake would reveal to others his handicap. More than anything else, he hated doing something that might hint about his partial blindness. He feared that, with enough of those slip ups, people might figure it out like Tsunade had.

He didn't want anyone to know – except Iruka. Since he told Iruka about his own loss of vision, the teacher had trusted him more, had opened up to him in a way Kakashi hadn't even dared to dream possible. All too quickly, he had grown accustomed to Iruka simply curling up on the couch next to him, resting his head on Kakashi's shoulder, and telling him about his own memories. He calmly talked about how something "Inu" said or did reminded him of a past event or a person. Sometimes, those recollections were painful, but so many more were happy ones. Iruka laughed when he told stories about his trickery as a child and how Naruto had picked up a few of his pranks.

That eraser to the head when he first met his genin team was actually one of Iruka's favorites when he had been a child.

Kakashi couldn't even feel annoyance that it was because of Iruka that he had been bested by a couple of kids. Seeing that smile on the brunet's face erased any harsh emotion and, instead, made him chuckle as the teacher told him about the first time he had done the same exact thing to the Third.

The barest of smirks came to the jounin's face as he recalled all the good memories Iruka had told him. He wished he could have returned the favor, but so many years of his life were so dark and depressing, he never wanted to ruin the teacher's happiness with tales from his own youth. Instead, he always asked Iruka to tell him more about his past. Every once in a while, Kakashi would catch a glimpse of pain, but it was quickly replaced with smiles as he went into another story about his and Naruto's adventures.

Perhaps one day, Iruka would feel comfortable talking about whatever caused those painful memories.

Shifting his position slightly, Kakashi caught a glimpse of his charge. He desperately wanted to go down there and comfort Iruka - no matter what it was that was had made Iruka cry and run off. The reason was not as important as showing Iruka that he was ready to defend the brunet from anything and everything, even his past. Kakashi did not only hear a quiet sob come from his charge, but felt it in his chest, very nearly pushing him off the tree branch he was standing on.

In just four months, he had become so attuned to Iruka, he did not need any one of his five senses. All he needed was his heart to tell him what to do to help and protect him. Slipping off of the branch, Kakashi silently landed on the ground and slowly moved towards his sobbing charge. Even before he reached the brunet, Iruka visibly stiffened. Eying his charge's back, Kakashi realized why Iruka's movements were so easily seen.

Without thinking, he wrapped his wool cloak around Iruka's shaking frame. Even before the cold snow started to hit his now bare shoulders, Kakashi loosely circled his arms around Iruka, pulling the brunet back against his chest. Even with his uniform on, Kakashi could still feel the cold temperature of Iruka's body, which caused him to start rubbing his hands along the chuunin's upper arms, trying to instill some warmth into limbs that had been outdoors far too long without a jacket.

Iruka was pulled from his thoughts when he felt startling warmth race along his arms. It only took him a moment to feel the scratchiness of wool being rubbed against his frozen skin, its friction searing his cold flesh. A shiver ran up the brunet's back at Inu's caresses. They were not ones that should be arousing, but Iruka found himself pressing into his bodyguard's touch. Those hands, slowly warming his body, were ones that Iruka knew could kill in the blink of an eye. Those powerful digits could clutch a blade or the hilt of the katana strapped to his back with the kind of familiarity borne out of years of use. They were hands that were a weapon in themselves. Iruka had felt their powerful grip and punch far too often in their sparring to not admire Inu's strength and restraint. His bodyguard could bruise him with ease. Inu could break bones if he held Iruka too tightly.

The appreciation of his bodyguard's deadly hands made the feel of them all the more thrilling. Iruka knew that he should be afraid of those hands - they were hands of an ANBU member. They were those of an assassin. But they were also the fingers that played the most beautiful music. They were ones that could touch with the most tender of caresses. They were the hands of a man who was a walking contradiction. Unaware of his charge's thoughts, Inu's fingers traced a path of desire down the back of the brunet's arm.

Another shiver raced through Iruka that had nothing to do with the cold as Inu's warm breath caressed the back of his neck.

In attempts to stop himself from being seduced unintentionally by his bodyguard, Iruka twisted around in Inu's arms so that he was facing the older man. As he moved, he could feel Inu's gloved hands wrap around his bare ones and bring them up to his face.

Instantly, a warm puff of air prickled at Iruka's numb fingers and, if he wasn't so surprised, Iruka would have pulled away at the odd sensation. Instead, he shivered at the wonderful jolt of warmth that ran through his body as Inu breathed on his cold hands again. Despite knowing his bodyguard was only doing so to warm him back up, Iruka could not help but describe the elite shinobi's actions as seductive. Though not purposely sexual in nature, those supposedly innocent acts were certainly doing strange things to his body. After Inu's earlier touches, Iruka's entire body was tingling in sensation and the knowledge that Inu's soft lips were so close to his fingers was almost too much for Iruka to handle.

"Baka…" Kakashi mumbled to himself as he alternated between rubbing and blowing warm air on Iruka's frozen fingers. It was not for several silent moments before he glanced back into his charge's face and saw the scarlet covering Iruka's scarred cheeks. He had the strange feeling Iruka's flushed face had nothing to do with the cold. Those deep breaths of air had nothing to do with Iruka bolting from the apartment without a word of explanation. The realization that, once again, he was behaving improperly towards his charge, nearly made Kakashi drop Iruka's cold hands. But he couldn't find it in him to behave properly.

"I-I…um…" Iruka stammered, wondering if his face looked as warm as it felt. If so, he must look like some kind of demented tomato. Bowing his head, he took several deep breaths in hopes of calming himself back down, but any chance of that happening disappeared as Inu brought his hands even closer to his face and let out another warm breath, this time sending shivers throughout Iruka's body. Now, Iruka's fingers were so close to his bodyguard's face, he could tell there was nothing separating his cold fingers and the older man's smooth skin. He could feel heat radiating off of the ANBU member's face, prickling his frozen fingers. "Y-you aren't wearing your mask…"

Kakashi blinked a few times, definitely not expecting that statement from Iruka. Thinking about it, he recalled that he had indeed left his mask on the kitchen table, where it was always located when they were alone. He had been so worried about Iruka, he had not even thought to get his porcelain mask and had not missed it one iota since. Even now, as the brunet's fingers were a mere hairsbreadth from his face, he found that he did not care he was out in public without anything covering his face.

The only thing he wanted at that moment was Iruka's gentle touch. Unable to stop himself, he pressed his bare cheek against the brunet's frigid hands, not caring that the coldness of Iruka's fingers sent shivers down his back.

If he had the breath left in him, Iruka would have gasped, but the moment he felt Inu's soft skin against his tingling hands, all the air in his lungs was released in a whoosh that left him unable to breathe. The ANBU member's skin was, if possible, even softer than he remembered. It was impossibly warm, seeming to burn his frozen fingers.

Then, the elite shinobi shifted. It would have been imperceptible to any normal person, but to Iruka, it was as though Inu had pulled him flush against his hard frame. Iruka could feel the increased tempo of his bodyguard's breathing, the racing of his heart. He could feel the warmth of Inu's skin. He even doubted the ANBU member realized that he had moved towards Iruka, closing in the distance between their faces.

Out of instinct, Iruka found himself moving closer to the older man. A part of him was curious what was running through Inu's mind, but another side was growing quickly addicted to the warmth of his skin, the cool mint taste and smell of his breath. Iruka tilted his head a fraction, wanting to know what was making Inu's heart beat speed up and why the ANBU member was swallowing heavily. It took him only a moment to come to a conclusion that struck Iruka to his very core: Inu was going to kiss him.

Kakashi should have never started blowing on Iruka's fingers to warm them back up. He had regretted it the moment he began, but he couldn't stop when he saw the teacher shiver. Any professional would have just rubbed them – no, they would never have let Iruka outside in such inappropriate clothes. Any sane person would have never brought Iruka's cold fingers up to his face. Anyone other than him would have thought nothing of Iruka tilting his head. But Kakashi could not help but stare at the positively kissable teacher as a moist tongue darted out, licking those lips until they glistened in the pale moonlight.

Kakashi had a great deal of willpower, but Iruka would tempt even a saint.

With a groan, he pulled Iruka against him, crushing his lips against the teacher's wetted ones. When the brunet let out a squeak, he pulled back just a fraction, his kisses becoming gentle enough not to hurt Iruka. He memorized every inch of those warm, plump lips with his own lips, his tongue, and his teeth. Kakashi was not naïve enough to think he would ever get this chance again. Not when Iruka regained his senses and slapped him away. Just for a moment, he wanted to taste what heaven was like.

Nipping gently on the teacher's low lip, Kakashi silently begged for entrance, which he was immediately granted with a soft moan from the teacher. Not wanting to lose his only opportunity, he dipped his tongue into that warm cavern, swallowing the delicious whimpers that arose from Iruka's throat.

Iruka lost any and all thought other than the realization that Inu was kissing him. It was his perverse, joking bodyguard who was making him feel a passion he never thought possible. Those strong, familiar hands that used to write to him in beautiful, flowing calligraphy now cupped his face, holding it still as Inu kissed him until he could no longer breathe.

The brunet whimpered as Inu's tongue probed his mouth, kissing him so soundly, Iruka was no longer sure of anything other than that he needed more. He needed more of that addictive warmth; he had to taste more of the elite shinobi. Pure primal desire fueled Iruka as he pushed back against Inu, moving until he found himself pressing against Inu, his arms wrapping around the older man's neck. This close, he could feel the hardness of Inu's arousal, the searing heat that radiated from it, but more than anything else, he could taste, hear, feel, and smell Inu's desire for him.

Iruka did not even feel Inu's cloak slip off of his shoulders or the cold air hit his body. At that moment, he was only aware of the man he was kissing – Inu's hands on his flushed skin, his muscular body pressed against Iruka's, the rapid rhythm of his heart, the taste of his lips and tongue. His warmth, his flavor, his very smell, the sound of his deep groans – Iruka greedily sucked it all in like a drowning man hungrily sucks in air.

Kakashi nearly screamed when Iruka pressed his lower body against the jounin's already painful arousal. It was all too much – it was his dreams come true. Instead, he bucked his hips, ramming his erection against the teacher's thigh as he groaned. He couldn't do this. He couldn't seduce the brunet, not when he was charged with protecting him. And that meant protecting Iruka from him and his desires. He pulled away from Iruka, though it was nearly impossible to do as the teacher tried to follow him, deepening their kiss until neither man could breathe.

Finally, Kakashi freed himself from the brunet's kiss. Gasping for air, he pressed his lips against Iruka's bare neck as he tried to calm down his racing heart. After several deep breaths, he found himself capable of doing something other than tasting the unique saltiness of Iruka's chilled skin. That cold temperature jerked Kakashi out of his lustful haze. Instantly, his hands began rubbing those bare arms, hoping to infuse some of his burning warmth into Iruka's frozen limbs.

After several moments, the jounin had enough air in his lungs – and enough sense in his head – to speak. "I-I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…" Inwardly, the jounin snorted. He shouldn't have what? He shouldn't have kissed Iruka? He shouldn't have shown the teacher a fraction of the desire he felt for him? He shouldn't have let Iruka go out in the snow with so few clothes on?

Most of all, he shouldn't have fallen in love with him.

Iruka furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out why Inu was apologizing. Being so in tune with his bodyguard, it took no more than a moment to understand the ANBU member. Inu felt something for him – something far more than a true professional should feel. And, for one selfish moment, the elite shinobi had acted on that. This time, it was more than a kiss or a caress. Not even their heated kiss from months ago compared to the sheer emotion Iruka could feel racing through his bodyguard. The touches as Inu taught him to play the piano were nothing in comparison to feeling every inch of the tall man pressed against him.

Inu was apologizing because, for some idiotic reason, he thought he was doing something wrong. Iruka shook his head, covering up the ANBU member's swollen lips with a cold hand before he continued speaking. Iruka's movements forced to older man to lean back and look at him.

Kakashi's eyes widened as he stared at Iruka, or more specifically, his ravished lips. Swallowing heavily, the jounin wished he could tear his gaze away, but Iruka was so beautiful, he could not pull himself away. It took all of his willpower to keep himself from kissing Iruka again. He could not, however, stop himself from nibbling on the palm that still covered his mouth. His tongue followed the brunet's life line, tasting a delicious mixture of snow and sweat on his tanned hand.

Finally, Kakashi stopped indulging himself and completely pulled away from Iruka's hand. Biting his lower lip, the jounin stared at the man he was in love with, wishing that he could act on his impulses and return to those lips that begged to be kissed. He desperately wanted to wrap his arms around Iruka as he showed him all of the passion he felt. But he knew he couldn't do that. He loved Iruka far too much for that.

Above all else, Kakashi was Iruka's bodyguard. That meant that he had to protect Iruka with his very life – he had to be emotionally detached, he had to have his entire concentration on their surroundings, he had to constantly be prepared for an enemy's attack. He could not for a moment think about the beautiful man pressed against him and imagine how he would look naked, strewn across a bed, moaning in desire. That mental picture made the jounin bite his lip hard so that he did not let out a groan. Tasting blood, Kakashi forced all the erotic images from his mind as he replaced them with reason why he could not possibly go along with what his heart and body were demanding.

He was a professional. He was loyal to Konoha and its people. He could not knowingly put anyone in danger – especially not Iruka. Even if it meant denying himself and the teacher the one thing they both desperately wanted, he would do it to protect the man he had given his heart to.

Iruka sensed the changes in his bodyguard's emotions as though he could have seen them in the man's beautiful face. Pain, denial, self-hatred – Inu was doing anything and everything to convince himself that this was wrong. It was a cold slap to the face, despite the fact the brunet understood completely. He knew that Inu was trying to logically explain to himself that he was just Iruka's bodyguard and could never be anything more. He was trying to hold back because he was, above all else, a shinobi.

But his rejection still hurt just the same.

Knowing that Inu was trying to be professional, Iruka forced himself to pull away. He could not knowingly make Inu decide between his desires and his fierce loyalty to Konoha and the shinobi code. He understood how much Inu's profession meant to him and could not, even for a moment, put that in danger.

"I…I'm sorry," Iruka said softly as he moved to stand back up, shivering slightly when Inu's addictive warmth quickly dissipated from his skin. Wrapping his arms around himself, the teacher wished that it did not feel so strange now that Inu was no longer kissing him, embracing him in a way that left Iruka breathless.

He could have all too easily gotten used to that feeling.

XXX

Iruka sighed in relief as he pulled off his snow-covered sandals off. It was not until he had gotten back into the apartment that he realized just how cold he was. Ignoring the pricks of pain radiating from his frozen extremities, Iruka shrugged out of his bodyguard's cloak and hung it up on the rack he knew to be next to the door. He said nothing as he made his way through the apartment though a part of him wanted desperately to break the awkward silence that had reigned since Inu apologized for kissing him. He could not think of a single thing to say, however, that would not make him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

What could he say - that he enjoyed that kiss? That he wanted Inu to forget his morals, throw him against the closest wall and ravish him? Iruka bit his lip, knowing that that was the last thing Inu would want to hear. His bodyguard would certainly not want to hear how that single kiss had made Iruka's entire body hum in desire. Every inch of him cried out in sensation, from the warm air brushing against his frozen skin to the rhythmic thump of Inu's heart.

Silently making his way into Inu's bedroom, Iruka began stripping off his soaked shirt. He no longer cared if his bodyguard had followed him. He could feel Inu's eyes quickly moving away from him as Iruka tried to peel the shirt off of his cold frame. If nothing else, Inu respected him - to the point, Iruka wanted to smack the man, but the brunet could not fault his bodyguard for being a gentleman. Iruka knew that Inu would probably take it badly if he told his bodyguard that he desperately wanted Inu's only functioning eye focused on him, raking across his cold, half-naked body.

What he wouldn't do to have those warm, strong fingers brush against his skin! To feel Inu's lips against his neck, his tongue leaving a wet trail down his chest. Iruka knew better than to dissect his feelings - he did not want to know if his desires were more due to physical arousal or emotions directed at his professional bodyguard. He had the feeling he was not prepared for the answer.

Finally getting his clinging shirt to release its hold on his head, Iruka threw the wet material towards the hamper. Hearing a soft thud, Iruka knew it had fallen short of the basket and, instead, had hit the carpeted floor. Instead of going to pick up the shirt like he normally would, Iruka turned towards the bed. Inu would no doubt clean up after him and, for once, Iruka did not feel bad for letting his bodyguard act as a maid as well. All he wanted was to go to bed and forget about the entire day - from admitting his feelings for Mizuki were nothing more than lust and a twisted form of friendship to kissing Inu and being rejected.

Hearing a quick intake of breath, Iruka turned his head back towards his bodyguard, sensing Inu's eye on him. That single sound was one laced with pain and, before Iruka got a chance to ask what was wrong, he felt a gentle touch between his shoulder blades.

Kakashi furrowed his eyebrows as his fingers traced along the dip along Iruka's spine. He had seen a great deal of Iruka's skin - having lived with him for months, it was unavoidable. But he had never seen Iruka's back until now. He had never before had the chance to study the shock of white against beautifully bronzed skin. He never felt the unevenness of an old wound, long healed over, but never completely gone. As he trailed his fingertips along the scar, Kakashi could feel the brunet's backbone and knew just how close that injury had been to doing serious damage to Iruka. Iruka could have been paralyzed for life had that wound been a mere hair closer to his spine. Iruka could have been killed by whatever attack had left him with this single, horrifying mark on an otherwise unmarred back.

Iruka gasped quietly as Inu's fingers studied his back. This was not the cold, professional touch of a medic - something he was accustomed to, considering all the years of physical therapy he had to go through to make sure he did not lose any mobility or flexibility due to his scar. No, those fingers were ones that Iruka knew to be deadly, but on his near-fatal injury, they were the gentlest of touches. They were ones that made the hypersensitive scar tissue erupt in sensations. Shivering at the delicious feeling of Inu's hands on him, Iruka involuntarily pressed against his bodyguard, wanting to feel more.

Inu's fingers immediately left his back, so quickly it was as though he had been stung. Mourning the feeling of his bodyguard's warm hands on his cold back, scorching his skin in more ways than one, Iruka turned around to completely face Inu. He had the feeling that, if Inu could still see his back, he would be distracted. Perhaps he would be thinking about what could cause such an injury. Would he feel a moment of pity for him, understanding just how difficult it was to remain a shinobi when every day for months after the attack, Iruka was in constant agony?

"How?" Kakashi had no idea if his charge heard his whisper. He was not even sure if he had vocally asked the question. At the moment, he did not trust his own voice. The thought that Iruka could have been killed from that injury had made his entire body tremble and his voice would have only reflected his terror. He had very nearly lost the man he loved - and he knew nothing about it.

"Mizuki," Iruka said quietly as he moved away from his bodyguard, no longer able to stand so close to the man that he wanted with every inch of his being. He was far too tempted to throw himself against that muscular chest and, for once, let go. He wanted desperately to fall to pieces and simply cry over the years he had wasted with his bastard of a lover. Inu would hold him. Inu would protect him from the ghosts of the past. And, somehow, Iruka knew Inu would guard his heart from any more pain.

"He was my best friend...my lover since we were thirteen." In the world of shinobi, thirteen was not a surprising age to be sexually active - not when most shinobi did not live beyond their mid-twenties. But it was shocking just the same as Iruka looked back at his life and, with the wisdom born from years of pain, knew just how naive he was and regretted giving up his childhood so early.

"I thought we would grow old together." Iruka closed his useless eyes, not wanting Inu to see the pain he felt whenever he thought about the man who had hurt him so deeply. "I was an idiot to believe he would be content with being an academy teacher. He thought I was weak for wanting to continue teaching. He wanted to be promoted to jounin, but he knew he wouldn't survive the test. He was always so angry.

"I tried to help him with his anger issues...but...but no matter what I did or said..." Iruka shook his head, trying not to remember the bruises and broken bones. He did not want to recall how he had to teach himself basic healing jutsu so that the hospital did not become suspicious. Unconsciously, he wrapped his arms around himself, his fingers tracing the invisible marks of where Mizuki used to grip him, holding him down as he pounded into him. Tears trekked down his cheeks, reminding him of all the useless tears he cried as Mizuki laughed at his weakness. Shivering at the memory, Iruka bit his lip. He was not sure how Inu would take that kind of confession - would he be disgusted by Iruka's complacency or would he be angry with the man who made Iruka believe that that kind of abuse was a normal part of being in love.

Taking a breath that, to anyone's ears, sounded more like a sob, Iruka continued. "He hated Naruto - and I tried to ignore it. I thought it was because Mizuki had lost his parents in the Kyuubi attack as well and wanted someone to blame. But it was more than that." Despite his attempts to stop himself from remembering that life-altering day, Iruka could still remember the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach as he handed in the final reports to the Hokage's secretary. He wanted to snatch them back and rewrite Naruto's failing grade, but his beloved little brother had failed the final test. It was self-hatred he felt when he finally admitted Naruto would never receive his hitai-ate. He should have somehow been able to teach his brother better, been a better family for the orphan who was hated by so many. But he must have failed somewhere along the way. How else could he explain that such a bright, passionate child could not do something as simple as make a clone?

"Mizuki convinced Naruto to steal a scroll that had a forbidden jutsu on it, saying it was the only way for him to graduate from the academy. T-that day, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't find Naruto...then I heard the alarms going off in the Tower." He had bolted from the Hokage's office without giving the Third's secretary any explanation the moment he heard the guards. They had found the Hokage passed out with a nosebleed - Iruka needed no other information to understand what must have happened. Being one of the two shinobi in the village who knew the Sexy no jutsu, it was not hard to figure out that Naruto had done something unforgiveable. He had raced through the village, searching out his brother's chakra.

The mere memory of following Naruto's energy signature, racing through the forest, made his heart pound in his throat as though he was there, his mind racing through possible consequences. Naruto could be killed for not only attacking the Hokage, but also stealing a scroll. He could be put in prison or exiled for his actions. Tears had burned in his eyes as he realized that Naruto would never get his hitai-ate now, not after betraying his village.

Seeing a flash of orange and bright yellow, Iruka had known he found his brother. Then...there was that sound that would haunt him for the rest of his life. A blade slicing through the air. Iruka needed nothing else to move into action.

"Mizuki wanted the scroll for himself. I-I stopped a blade that was meant to kill Naruto," Iruka whispered as he felt that old pain. It was more than sharpened steel tearing through his back, scraping internal organs and damaging more nerves than Iruka ever admitted to anyone other than the doctors. It was the look of horrified disbelief in Naruto's eyes. His brother had never realized Iruka would give his life to protect him. It was Mizuki's laughter, the memory of how Iruka had once loved to hear that sound. It was the feel of self-disgust that rolled through him as he realized he was just as stupid and weak as Mizuki had always told him he was. How else could he explain how he had never known his lover was planning to betray their village? He had never realized just how much Mizuki hated them all.

"H-he would have killed me and never felt a moment of r-regret, but N-naruto saved my life." Iruka hastily wiped away the tears that coursed down his scarred cheeks, but froze when he felt gentle hands cup his face, thumbs gingerly brushing against his wet skin. It was the complete opposite of Mizuki's harsh touch whenever he cried. Instead, those caresses were ones that told him he was not alone. He could hear the painful gasps of air, the pounding of a sympathetic heart. He could feel the trembling of his bodyguard's entire body, revealing just how much self-restraint Inu was employing. In that moment, he knew that his bodyguard would kill Mizuki if he ever met him. The ANBU member would do anything to protect him, no matter what the threat was.

Kakashi could not stop himself from leaning forwards and kissing the tears from Iruka's face. He had known Iruka had lived through something terrible, but he had never imagined the kind of pain the brunet had to have endured with his lover's betrayal. He had never thought someone could attempt to kill him - not someone who Iruka had cared about for years. How could someone take Iruka's love and throw it back at him? Who could be that heartless?

Iruka turned his head at the gentle caress of his bodyguard's lips against his cheek, shocking himself when he felt those same lips hesitantly touch his. Iruka trembled, unable to pull away as Inu continued to kiss him. This was nothing like Inu's other kisses - there was no sexual tension that sent his head spinning, no overpowering desire as he lost his senses in the ocean of feelings his bodyguard evoked in him. It was not the near-painful crushing of lips that he had always experienced with Mizuki. It showed him just a fraction of Inu's emotions towards him. Sympathy, protectiveness, sorrow - Iruka could not even begin to name everything that emanated from the ANBU member as the older man continued to brush his lips softly against Iruka's.

It was the sweetest kiss of his life.

He could remain like this for an eternity and never regret it. For the first time in his life, Iruka felt completely safe and content. Before him was a man who would never raise a hand against him, who would never even think of mocking him. No, his bodyguard would do anything and everything to support him, protect him...and love him. And, as warm arms enveloped him in an embrace that brought tears to his eyes, Iruka knew that nothing could take him away from the man holding him. Now having had a taste of what could be, Iruka was not going to give it up.

"Iruka...I..." What? I'm sorry did not do any justice to the turmoil Kakashi felt as he tried to put himself in Iruka's place. He simply pressed his lips against Iruka's temple, emotion choking him as he took a shaky breath. How could Iruka have possibly lived through such a hell and turned out to be the wonderful person he was? How could he be so kind, so forgiving? He was so strong, but was the gentlest person Kakashi had ever met. Now knowing just how much Iruka had lived through, Kakashi loved him all the more. Not even the horrors of his past had completely broken that spirit that he had wholly and completely fallen in love with.

Pulling away slightly so that he could see his charge's entire face, Kakashi knew he could not go on like this. He could no longer live a lie when Iruka had bared his heart to him. The fear of being rejected by the brunet threatened to tear him apart, but he somehow held himself together as he took a step back. His arms cried at the emptiness as they fell to his sides, his entire body fought against the words that caught in his throat. Iruka needed to know who he was. His heart already began to break, not wanting to imagine what he would do if Iruka hated him for his lies. He took a deep breath, but no amount of air would give him the strength of destroying the piece of heaven he had experienced with Iruka these past few months. The courage he was famous for failed him as he looked at the brunet before him, but somehow the words came to him.

"I-I never meant to lie to you or hurt you. Tsunade asked me to guard you...knowing what I went through years ago...what I still live with today." Unconsciously, Kakashi brought a trembling hand up to his scarred face, covering his unseeing eye as though it would protect him from the heartache he was racing towards. "I thought you would never accept my help if you knew who I was...so I hid behind my retired ANBU mask." Bile rose up in his throat as he recalled the day he had told the Third he would never again wear that accursed mask. He had said nothing would ever make him don his cloak and live in the shadows under an alias that reminded him of his father's dishonor. But that was before he had met the man who would change his life - and make him willing to do anything to protect him.

"I thought I could keep a professional distance from you...just protect you from attacks and teach you how to adapt without your vision, b-but I got to know you." Gently, he brushed the backs of his fingers against Iruka's cheek, feeling the warmth more than seeing the blush his words were causing in his charge. "I got to know the real you...and you were far from anything I ever imagined."

Iruka bit his lip, sensing where his bodyguard's words were going, and the realization Inu trusted him so completely made him breathless. Even in his dreams, he had not expected these raw emotions from the man who had given him his life back. He never thought his bodyguard would expose himself, not after learning just how secretive the shinobi was. Every single remaining sense told him just how difficult this was for Inu. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His voice trembled, his fingers quivered against Iruka's cheek. His fear was palatable, and the scent of his cold sweat filled the room.

"M-my n-name…" Kakashi swallowed heavily, his voice failing him as he tried to imagine how Iruka would react to discovering his identity. Would he be angry? Would he hate him? Would Iruka be disgusted by his deception? Whatever he was expecting, it was not the gentle smile that Iruka gave him as he lost the ability to speak.

Iruka could not stop his hand from rising from his side. He could feel Inu's warm breath on his palm as he ran his fingers along those trembling lips. Ever so gently, he caressed Inu's warm skin, feeling the plumpness of his lips, the smoothness of his jaw, the unmarred flesh of his right cheek. He ran his fingers along the sole scar Inu's face held. He stood on the tips of his toes, kissing the mark that Inu had been so afraid of him discovering. That fear was not due to some horrible injury that left him horribly disfigured, like Iruka had first imagined. No, it was the pain of living years without anyone to understand him. It was the terror of being discovered – and being found somehow lacking because of his handicap.

Rocking back on his heels, Iruka found himself comforted in the limitless trust Inu had placed in him. He had thought he needed to hear the words to know his bodyguard's feelings for him. But, with Inu now before him with no more secrets between them, Iruka realized that he did not have to hear the man's name from his own lips. Knowing that the shinobi was prepared to lay himself bare before him was more than enough.

"I'm not an idiot," Iruka whispered as his fingers slid down his bodyguard's neck, coming to rest over his racing heart. He bowed his head, listening to the sound he had come to associate with safety, compassion – but, most of all, someone he cared for more than he thought possible. A name did not change that familiar rhythm or the warm mint that assailed his nose as his bodyguard's fingers caught his chin and tilted his head up so that that single eye could study his features.

A name was not as important as the man who had used his own life to teach Iruka what an amazing shinobi he was, no matter his handicap. No, the shinobi before him was much more than his name, the scar over his left eye, his silver hair or his tall, lanky frame – he was the man Iruka had gotten to know over the past four months. He was the person who was gentle and kind, but had a perverse streak a mile long. He was the man who read those Icha Icha novels because he was a closet-romantic. He was the one who played beautiful music to remember the woman who gave him life at the cost of her own. He was the shinobi who was unwaveringly loyal to his village. He was someone who wielded his strength with the control and respect of someone who knew what it was like to be without it. He was the man who had gone on living and achieving his dream, despite losing an eye at thirteen. He had become a shinobi worthy of his title despite the challenges he faced. He had gained Iruka's friendship and respect because of the person he was, not his name.

"I think I've known for a while," Iruka continued quietly as his bodyguard's fingers fell from his chin out of surprise. He had tried to ignore the obvious clues, knowing how important anonymity was for ANBU members, but the man before him was no longer just his bodyguard. For a genius, the jounin before him sometimes was not too bright if he thought he was completely fooling Iruka for all this time. But Iruka would not expect anything less from the man who had unknowingly kidnapped his heart from right under his nose.

"And I don't care who you are, Kakashi."

XXX

Authoress: *dies happy* ABOUT FUCKING TIME! Kukuku! I never believed I could drag it out this long, but I know I have been annoying everyone with Iruka's apparent "blindness" towards Kakashi's obvious identity…and I apologize profusely to all of you, my wonderful and dedicated readers! But I couldn't write the chapter I have planned for next time without having Iruka know who Kakashi was – my conscience couldn't handle all the *bleepidy* *bleeping*…too many painful questions later if Iruka kept crying out "Inu" and not "Kakashi"…*cackles* So, just in case that was too subtle…that's right – we're finally going to have a reason this story is rated M! Yay for Yaoi goodness!

DragonsFlower: So sad! * looks murderous* Mizuki... Can you come here for a sec? * said ninja walks over oblivious* KEYAH! **Censored for extreme graphic content involving castration, rusty pins, and removal of vital organs**

Authoress: I feel the same way! And thank you, Dragons-chan for betaing this chapter - she is the reason we will finally be having some Yaoi goodness...and why this chapter is beastly in length! So, everyone, please review and tell me what you think of the recent developments in Kakashi and Iruka's relationship! Until next time, ja ne!