***A/N***Happy Halloween!- To those of you following this story, I should start off with an apology for how long it's taking between chapters. Yes, life does get in the way sometimes and yes this is a lengthy chapter (my longest by far) but you've all been so faithful and so patient. I just really want to say thank you for giving me room to breathe so I can carve this chapter out. Also, of importance, regarding this chapter I want to clarify that I have not read any of Ms. Meyers' other works, only the Twilight books 1-4. I haven't read Midnight Sun or The Host or Bree Tanner or whatever else is out there. My stuff would probably be more complete if I had, but then again I purposely kept it that way so I can add bits and pieces of my own originality to allow MY story to go in the direction I want. So everything below is from my own imagination. So don't burn me if what you read doesn't jive with what she's written. That was her interpretation, this is mine. Be Advised: Some parts may be disturbing on a very real level for some readers. My apologies. Just know, I mean this with utmost sincerity, that I don't wish to offend anyone, but I really would like to pursue this storyline so that I can finally get the rest of my story moving forward.

*Disclaimer, the characters setting and familiar situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. I'm not making any monetary profit from this.*

MISSING

"Edward, this is the hardest thing I've ever, ever had to do. I don't even know how to do this right. Please don't say anything, if I hear your voice I'll lose all my confidence." I took a deep breath.

"Edward, I can't, I don't want to get married. I love you," I added quickly, "and I don't want to lose you, but I just don't want this. It's been gnawing at me for weeks, I think you know this. Please, just know that I'm not saying no to you, I'm just saying no to marriage. I know all of your feelings and reasons on this but…"

[Thump! Thump! Thump!]

I jumped as I heard three loud knocks on the door behind me.

"Uh, excuse me, are you almost finished?" someone on the other side of the door said.

Still shaken I stammered, "Uh, y-yes, just a sec."

How embarrassing. Being told to rush in an airplane lavatory.

I turned on the faucet and pretended to wash my hands. I looked in the mirror again. My color was back to normal, my hair looked nicely put together and I had gotten some sun. I looked healthy again.

It's about nine days till the wedding now and I could feel my heart speed up at the very thought of it. The anxiety was making me breathe hard again and I put all my effort into stopping any attacks while I was on the plane. That really would be embarrassing!

I exited the restroom and gave a short apology to the waiting person. They nodded in politeness but they were still clearly annoyed.

I made my way to my seat. Okay, I thought. I think I've got the first part figured out, the most important part. Now how do I finish it? How do I end this without ending us? I scrunched my face up in frustration.

So many thoughts were going through my head at once all swirling around in a confused mess. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes waiting for inspiration to hit me. Everything I had thought to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, seemed okay, but basic and simple. Nothing was good enough. Mom said to just be honest and assert myself, this was her final bit of advice to me as we were saying our goodbyes. She wore her worried face, but I could tell she was trying not to show it. I think I know where I get my inability to lie from. Her poker face needs work.

Okay, no more stalling. How do I say this without killing Edward? It's redundant I know, but it's gonna kill him; but this can't be too surprising can it? He has to know what this has been doing to me? He's offered on more than one occasion to just run off and elope. And as sweet as he is, he even offered to call off the wedding a couple of times, but feeling the pressure I caved, again. That's what mom's really worried about I think. She's worried I'll cave again. And Alice… I think I regretted telling her more than I regretted Edward. Edward loved me like no other. Mom was right, he'll take it better than she will.

Aaahh! I'm doing it again! Okay, clear your mind Bella, concentrate, no more stalling! Coming up with something on the spur of the moment is not my forte. I have to know exactly what to say ahead of time. Okay let's see, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, "feelings and reasons"...

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As the plane circled the airport my nerves hit their highest point ever. I was happy to be back, happy to be home but dreading everything else. I wish it were last week. I wish it were next week. I even wish it were tomorrow, anything but today. Today is going to be the worst, ever.

I had gone over the speech a couple dozen times in my head, I felt ready, about as ready as I'll ever be but the lump in my throat showed no signs of shrinking.

Edward couldn't wait for a second plane to carry me to Port Angeles so he picked me up straight from Sea-Tac. Our homecoming was so beautiful, so sweet. It was all Edward could do to not run at supersonic speed to reach me and hug me. His lips crushed mine in a rushed embrace as he picked me up, unafraid of how it looked to onlookers. You would think he had been away on a yearlong tour of duty from the look of us.

He finally stopped kissing me and we came to our senses, "How was your trip?"

"It was fine, it was great actually. Mom and I had the best time," I said smiling.

"I can tell. You look so…beautiful. Rested I mean, you've always been beautiful. This trip must have done you a world of good."

All I could do was smile as we hugged again. I was worried if I said too much my big mouth would say something too incriminating and he would want to know right now and now wasn't the time. Not here.

"So, how's everyone?" I asked. "Did you see Charlie, how is he?"

"I went by your house once to check on things and deliver your message to him. He's fine. He was very happy that you were having such a good time down there." He stopped too abruptly, like there was something else.

"And?"

"And nothing. He's been preoccupied with work. He's glad you were having fun but he was missing you."

There was something else I could feel it, but he wasn't forthcoming. Again, all I could do was smile and look away. We both seemed to be treading softly, although for very different reasons.

"Well let's get the rest of your things and get you back, he wanted me to bring you straight back to the house as soon as your plane landed. I missed you by the way," he said smiling.

He kissed and hugged me and those same familiar stirrings I could always count on to be there comforted me.

"I missed you too, more than you know."

We picked up my luggage and as we headed toward the exit we passed window after window strewn with fliers. I hadn't noticed it before I left for this trip but they almost completely covered the outside window like one large sheet. I was annoyed that I couldn't see anything beyond it. After we finally reached the doors and I felt the cool air hit my skin, I gasped and swallowed some air which immediately made me shiver. I paused just outside the door to adjust my coat and was about to swing around to put my back to the wind when Edward hurried me to the waiting car.

We were several miles down the road when he asked, "Are you getting warm?" The heater was going full blast.

"Yes, it's lovely, thank you."

"So tell me about your trip."

I recounted in detail everything we had seen, especially our day trip to Savannah. He's been there a few times as it turns out although not for a few decades and never during the day. This disappointed me at first, for as time goes by and I experience new things, it becomes apparent that Edward's experienced it already, many times, and visited many places I've only read about. I suppose jealousy describes how I feel but it's more than that. I'm such a novice, practically a child compared to Edward. Our experiences will never match up even if I live to be a thousand. It seemed so shallow to feel this way but I couldn't help it.

Still, I laughed out loud as he described place after place mom and I visited. His description was so detailed it was as if he had just seen it, but in reality it was a generation ago. We compared notes and we both marveled at how very little had changed.

I chimed, "We'll have to go again soon. Maybe some time after we get…"

I couldn't finish. I stopped because I literally couldn't finish the sentence. I began to panic. I can't believe I just did that.

"After we what? Get married?"

What do I do? What do I say? Think, dammit!

"Um. Yeah or…" Oh No! I'm messing this up so bad. I wasn't ready to drop the bomb but I don't want to continue to make promises I can't keep.

"Bella, is there something you want to tell me? You've been preoccupied since you arrived."

Don't lie, I told myself. He doesn't deserve that. Damn my stupid, stupid mouth! Well, this was going to happen sooner or later. I was hoping for later. I've let this go for too long.

"Bella, your heart is about to pound out of your chest and you sound like you're going to hyperventilate. What is it, darling? Please tell me."

"Edward…" Oh my gosh I can't remember a single thing I rehearsed. Okay, breathe in, breathe out. Concentrate. "There is something. It's not good news and there's just no good or easy way to say this." I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, "Edward, I can't marry you."

He grew quiet, and so did I.

The silence was the worst part. I didn't know what kind of reaction to expect out of him, but I expected something. Instead it was nothing. I think I could handle just about anything he could say to me, even if he spewed vile epithets at me, but not this.

"Are you sure?" he said in barely a whisper.

I've never heard him so vulnerable. The lump in my throat prevented me from responding. I shook my head 'yes'.

An eternity later he said, "I guess I should have known. I guess I did know, just didn't want to admit it to myself."

"I'm sorry. It seems like such an insignificant thing to say, to something like this, but I just don't know what else to say, Edward."

"Don't be sorry, Bella. I really don't want you to go through with something you never wanted in the first place. I knew your feelings on marriage, it's hardly out in left field but I hoped…"

He didn't finish. I know what he hoped. He hoped eventually I'd change my mind and get used to the idea. It wouldn't be unreasonable to hope, if it weren't impossible.

Forks was still three hours away at normal speeds, and for once in the whole time I've known him Edward drove the speed limit. We talked about everything. We discussed all of my fears, the nightmares, my reason for accepting his proposal, everything. He never let go of my hand the whole time.

"There's another reason for your not wanting to get married, isn't there?" It wasn't really a question. He knew the answer.

I could take any blame he wanted to put on my shoulders. No matter how harsh a criticism I get, I can take it, but if Edward wants to blame Jacob for my decision that's something I won't yield on. It's not his fault.

"There is," I finally answered. "But that's not my only reason, I think you know that. It doesn't change how I feel about you, I haven't stopped loving you, I won't stop loving you. I do want to be with you, I just can't marry you. Or anyone."

He seemed almost relieved at that last bit.

"Have you also considered that this is your mother talking? I know her feelings on marrying young, and I know your parents' divorce was hard on you, but to say that you'll never marry is just ridiculous."

"I'm saying marriage isn't in my future right now. I understand that you're hurt, but this is coming from me. Me, Isabella Swan. Okay, mom did help me sort out some things, but she mostly just helped me to see what I already knew. I was miserable trying to be this person that I'm clearly not. Mom made me see the things I've been avoiding. Big things, matter-of-fact-in-your-face things. She says I'm so stubborn that sometimes it takes a brick wall to fall on me to notice things. Kind of odd for someone so 'observant', huh?"

"You are an odd duck, Ms. Swan," he said with a slight smile. All the tension and stress of the moment made his play on words extremely funny to me.

I laughed, "I know."

He pulled me over next to him and draped his arm around my shoulders.

"So what does this mean for us? Where do we go from here?" he asked.

Exhaling sharply, "We're no worse and no better than we were before as far as I can see. We're still together, we still love each other. School is around the corner and I don't know, we'll just wing it, I guess."

"Just wing it?" he repeated skeptically.

"Well, yeah."

"Bella, darling, do I strike you as a 'just wing it' kind of guy?" he said wryly.

"No. Not exactly but there's no reason why you can't try."

His face showed difficulty with that. "It only goes against my essential makeup is all."

He finally said after a long pause, "But I'll try."

I handed the ring back to him and he reluctantly took it. We seemed to be about as good as we were going to be for the moment. Although our engagement was off, nothing was really resolved, or fixed, or even patched up. But at least we understood a little more about each other and what we already had, and for now it was fine. But I couldn't help feel the cracks created tonight. For the first time in the entire time Edward's been in my life, nothing felt certain.

We trekked on and soon we rolled up to my neighborhood. This quaint, sleepy little town seemed especially quiet tonight. I guess I was getting used to the hustle and bustle of bigger cities again. I couldn't wait to take a shower and wash the day away.

Dad ambushed me as soon as I walked in the door.

"You're back, and you made good time, too!"

I laughed quietly to myself thinking how amazed he'd be if Edward had gone the speeds he normally does, and just smiled, hugging him back.

"Edward, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Swan, thanks for asking."

Edward's response revealed nothing of the events that just took place. He was as cool as ice. In fact, their exchange was the warmest I've seen since they first met and I could only guess that my homecoming probably had everything to do with it.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes, I'm starving. What smells so good?" I continued to inhale a delicious aroma that was mouthwatering.

"Homemade Lasagna," he said proudly.

I did a double take. "Homemade what? Really?" I looked at Edward who was playing dumb. I continued to marvel at these words and the fact that my dad was somehow responsible for the smell emanating from the kitchen. These two things just didn't add up.

"What? Don't you think I'm capable of such a feat once in a while? I'm not inept, Bella. I'm not an idiot for crying out loud."

"Yes, yes you are, when it comes to cooking anyway. What's the deal, dad?" I said with crossed arms.

"Okay, Sue pre-made the lasagna," he confessed. "She said all I had to do was put it in an hour before you got here. She said even I couldn't mess that up." He suddenly looked humbled.

I laughed heartily. "I missed you, dad," and hugged him again.

"I missed you too, kid. I'm glad you're home, I was about to go crazy rambling around in this house alone."

"Aww!" I groaned.

"Now now, enough of that. Now that you're here, let's eat!" he said happily.

Dad didn't quite have the kitchen ready for dinner, he had been busy with paperwork when we arrived so there were still some papers strewn across the kitchen table. I scooted and crammed it all together into a jumble and without bothering to try to sift and sort it all out dad put the whole lot of them on top of another impenetrable pile on his desk. You almost couldn't call it a desk anymore, it was old and crummy and he mostly just used it to store things from work. I don't know how he ever found anything but he claimed to have a system. To me it was a semi-organized mess.

After a fabulous meal and lively conversation about my Florida visit, dad headed off to the living room to watch the news. Edward and I decided to hold off on the engagement news until tomorrow.

The Cullens will undoubtedly learn about it soon, regardless. In fact…

[Sound of ringtone playing] "'Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl. You know that we are liv…"

"Hello Alice," Edward answered. We had been regretting this moment.

Edward had to hold his phone away from his ear. I was sitting a few feet away and I could hear every word. Alice's usually melodic, silvery voice was shrill and piercing. I don't know how she escaped from knowing before tonight, but she knew now.

"Alice...Alice…Alice…" He couldn't get a word in edgewise. He ran his hand over and down his face.

The look he had was one of sheer frustration, in another time and place it would have been funny. I held my hand out expectantly for the phone.

His look of apprehension said it all. "Are you sure?"

I nodded 'yes' and he handed me the phone. "Hold on," I said into it.

With one look I dismissed Edward's attempt to follow me and left him in the kitchen. I put on my jacket and went outside so dad couldn't hear.

Still chilly and windy I went to the far side of the house, the lee of which would protect me from the wind.

"Okay, hit me."

"Bella. I-am-going-to-kill-you."

I bit my bottom lip. "Sorry."

"What happened? I stop watching you for two seconds because up until now you were all set. You promised me over and over we were good to go, you promised me! All these weeks, Bella! All these months of planning and organizing and now…AAHHHH!"

Her scream of frustration nearly burst my eardrum.

"I'm coming over there," she said ominously.

"No you're not! Edward will kill you if you try to get close to me right now!" Edward's overprotectiveness would kick in and he'd have it out with Alice once and for all.

"Alice, I'm sorry, okay. I don't know what to tell you. Edward and I…we...it's not the right time. I don't know what to say."

She was quiet for the first time, I suspected she was looking into my future.

"Alice," I said warningly.

"Interesting. Well that's a relief at least."

"Wait, what is?"

"School. You're definitely still going to school, with Edward. You're living together and you both seem happy. Phew! That's a relief. For a second I was worried I wouldn't be able…"

"What? What were you worried about?"

Some psychic, she couldn't even predict what she would say. "I was worried I wouldn't be able to see you at all."

It took me a second or two to catch on.

"You were worried I would be with Jacob."

"Well you have to admit, it's not out of the realm of possibility."

I suddenly felt sad again. The same longing and sadness I feel when I think of him. I didn't know how to answer.

"Okay, fine, I won't come over there. Maybe Edward's right. I might end up knocking your fool head off or something."

I giggled. She loved me too much to hurt me, we both knew that. It was unseasonably cool which made me miss the Florida heat. I was freezing even though I was hidden from the wind.

"So you're fine, I trust? You sound good," Alice said.

"I'm fine, really, Edward's the one you should worry about." I shivered again.

"I'm not worried about Edward, he's a big boy, he's just going to be impossible to live with is all. Go inside, Bella, I can hear your teeth chattering. Get warm, okay."

"Thank you, Alice! I don't just mean this, I mean thank you for everything."

"We'll talk tomorrow, maybe something will happen and you'll change your mind, maybe?"

"Alice."

"I know, okay. Talk to you later then. Ughh!"

A sound of disgust was the last thing I heard as we hung up. I was SO glad that was over! I inhaled and let out a huge sigh. It took me another second to fully realize how tired I was, exhausted, actually. Edward and Alice were the two people I was most concerned about and now that I've told them, I can relax. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. All that stress for nothing.

I hate disappointing people, I just hate it. But mom is right. It's my life and I need to be brave.

I quickly headed towards the door. Earlier, in our hurry to get here and inside I neglected to look around at the scenery. I did so now. The towering trees swayed in the wind releasing all of the remnants from the most recent downpour. Fat droplets hit the ground, the surrounding leaves and foliage made a busy tapping sound as it hit them. I closed my eyes and inhaled the lush mossy scent and the smell of rain still hung in the air. It was the smell of home. It was a nice feeling.

I stole another glance looking along the tree floor, wanting to see something, and then at the same time hoping I wouldn't. It was hard to tear my eyes away. I shivered as the wind found its way under my coat, forcing me back inside.

Several days go by and all seemed well. Edward and I sent out the news to everyone either personally or by phone, e-mail too. I was surprised to hear so many sighs of relief, even amongst my friends. My dear friends were worried about me. But they were happy to hear we were still together. The rumor mill has been merciless. But if they objected all along I wondered why in the world they didn't say anything. I guess they had their reasons. Would I have listened?

Dad was thrilled. He made no bones about it. I didn't even make an attempt to try to talk to Jacob. If I know him, and I do, he won't want to talk to me. We tried to tell Billy but he wouldn't talk to us either, so we had dad do it. According to dad, while Billy was relieved about the wedding, dad was wondering why he still seemed anxious. He said it was like Billy was on the edge of his chair waiting for something else to happen. I pretended not to know what that was.

But of course I did. The tribe knew I would be turned after I married, but now that the wedding is off, does that change things? The only thing the tribe could do was sit back, hold their breath and wait. The wedding had given them a timeframe. Now, they had to be wondering, Am I still going through with it?

To be honest, I really wasn't sure what was next for me. School for sure, I knew I wanted to be with Edward, that hasn't changed. I knew I didn't want to grow old while Edward stayed young, that hasn't changed, and I knew the only way we could be together realistically was for me to be changed. I knew that much. Everything else was a blur. Even things I had no doubts of before were fuzzy. Nothing seemed to be black and white anymore. Even my nightmares had begun to start up again. The latest one scared me nearly as bad as the others.

It was like I was watching two people without faces. One is strong, says what she means and is fierce, the other is timid and frail and looks sickly. I feel for the sick one, but I can't keep my eyes off the strong one. That's usually where the dream ends, never seeing their faces but always feeling a sense of foreboding. Remembering the candle I bought in Savannah, I followed the instructions and began using it. At first I slept better, no dreams at all. But last night it came back, only worse. Again, I was watching the two faceless people, nothing was different. But then right before my eyes, it changed. The strong one turned into someone I hoped to never see again, Jane. With her piercing red eyes against her angelic face, it was hard to look away. The other girl was a mystery. She was little, nearly as small as Jane. She had dark hair and seemed to be scared. She seemed familiar but I couldn't figure out why. Just before I feel like I'm about to figure out who she is, Edward wakes me up.

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It's a couple days before my canceled wedding and still nothing from Jake. I know I've got this coming, but that doesn't lessen the pain. I don't know when I'll see him again, I don't even know what I would say if I did.

After dad left for work, and Edward had gone back to his house to finish some details for school, I was left at the house to play catch-up. As predicted, dad didn't do much else than mosey around the kitchen, watch sports and refer back to his desk for the occasional pencil sharpening, leaving the majority of the housework untouched.

"That man is helpless, I don't know how he's ever going to manage without me," I said to myself. The kitchen didn't take long to square away, so I began cleaning the living room. I had the TV blaring in the background, not really paying attention to it, just needed something on because it felt too quiet. This old house creaks and groans more than I like. After doing the laundry and vacuuming I started dusting the furniture. I was half-way through when a name on the TV caught my attention, I didn't quite catch it, but it was strangely familiar.

"The search goes on for a missing Seattle youth. More than three months have passed since an area teen was last seen walking around her neighborhood. She was en route to a nearby market but the store's surveillance video shows she never arrived. The Washington State Police say they are still searching and following leads in an attempt to bring this young lady home. West Seattle Police Chief Roger Harris is quoted in a recent news conference stating, 'She is not believed to have runaway from home, however, we are open to any and all possibilities, nothing is being ruled out'.

"Come on already, say the name again?" I said.

"On May 29, around 4 p.m., Bree Tanner, age 15, a recent freshman at West Seattle High School stated she was going for a walk. She was reported missing soon after when she failed to return. An Amber Alert was issued and volunteers have conducted widespread searches but have not yielded any findings.

'Searches have been ongoing for several weeks now,' stated Chief Harris. 'We have dragged the nearby ponds, used dog teams and the latest heat sensors via search helicopters for the possibility that she could be lost or hiding in the woods but the odds are against her at this point.'

When asked to elaborate, Harris stated, 'The first 48 hours is crucial. After that, the chances of finding the victim alive are slim and getting slimmer, especially in this climate. But sometimes missing persons are found, usually through the help of a tipster, as in someone who has seen the abductee/runaway. Anyone with any information is asked to call 555-784-7833 or the Crimestoppers line if you wish to remain anonymous.'

Chief Harris was asked, 'So you do suspect someone has taken Miss Tanner?'

'Runaways usually return on their own by now, we aren't ruling anything out but our current suspicion is 'yes,' someone took her against her will.'

A school picture of Bree was then displayed on the screen and it took my breath away. I gasped as I saw her and realized this was in fact the same 'Bree.' I felt the rag I had been holding land on my foot and lowered myself onto the sofa. This little girl was exquisite. Nothing at all like the tortured soul in the meadow. This Bree had the whole world in front of her and was full of life; she was happy without a care in the world. She had perfectly coiffed, medium-length dark hair, slight dark complexion and striking brown eyes. She had just a tiny bit of makeup on but she clearly didn't need it. The shock I was feeling was intense.

They then switched over to an interview with her parents; the look on their faces was of both weariness, and agonizing hope. When they begged the kidnappers to please return their daughter, I couldn't watch any more. Seeing the mom's anguished face was too much. She was so clearly torn, so clearly at odds with herself for she knew, she had to know what the chances were of Bree coming back alive, but she held out for hope anyway. She would never stop hoping.

This woman could be my mom. Mom and dad would never give up looking for me. Even months, years after I disappear they would never stop. I began to breathe hard. It was so surreal. I ached for them all. The newscast was finally over so I decided to make my way to my room, but as I was passing dad's desk I noticed something else that sent me into a tailspin. Poking out of the top few layers of the stack of papers were the letters, "M-I-S". A chill went through my body. This could have been anybody's, but I knew it the moment I saw it. I had seen this before. I pulled it out and my fears were confirmed. It read in large, oversized bolded letters:

"M-I-S-S-I-N-G"

Bree Tanner

D.O.B: April 16, 1995

Sex: Female

Race: White/Asian

Hair: Brown/Black

Eyes: Brown

Height: 5'2"

Weight: 105

Missing From: Fairmount Park

"Bree was last seen walking in her neighborhood. If you have any information please call the West Seattle Police Department at 555-784-7833."

The pictures on this flyer made it all the more real for me. One was the school picture displayed on TV and the other was of a casually dressed Bree holding her cat, laughing. Here in my hands was the real Bree Tanner. The feeling was indescribable, it was as if I was looking at her grave. She was a real person, at least she had been. Not a figment of my imagination, not just a dream. I had never really thought of her as anything other than that thing that was in the forest that night. In my memory she was horrible, I guess my mind couldn't think of her in any other way. But she was just a kid, she was just a normal kid doing normal things, in the wrong place at the wrong time. She'll never see her family or friends again and what's worse her family and friends will never know what happened to her. So many realizations were hitting me so hard and so fast my head felt heavy from the overload. I had to sit down again.

I felt horrible for so many reasons. How could I have been so blind, how could I have been so stupid? This flyer, her flyers, were amongst the ones up on the Seattle Airport's windows. I had seen them clear as day but completely overlooked them. I'm quite sure now I would have probably recognized her if I had just taken the time to look. Come to think of it… I had turned around but Edward… I was remembering it now. I was buttoning my jacket about to look up when Edward spun me around and hurried me to the car. He had to have seen the posters. I was shaking my head.

The more things started to make sense, the more it didn't. The thing he was holding back about my dad... I asked about it and he said it was nothing. He lied to me. Even if he didn't know about it then, when we got to the house dad had just been looking at her posters when we arrived. It was still fresh in his mind, Edward would have seen that! All this time, he's never once said anything. Why would he keep this from me? My feelings shifted from grief to anger, and then suspicion, over and over again.

The room was getting stuffy all of a sudden. I had to get out of the house and go for a walk. It was sunny today for a change but I didn't care, I didn't even notice.

I must have walked for miles and the fresh air did me some good. I looked up in time to see that I was fairly close to Angela's house. I suddenly felt like I had just been saved. Angela's always been a good friend. After Sam and Emily's wedding, I made good on my promise to Edward to be a better friend to my friends here. We have been hanging out more and since the news of my non-wedding broke we've been on the phone nonstop. I think she feels guilty. She says she wishes she had been there for me more because I apparently was going through so much stuff and she felt bad that I was going through it alone. We've since made amends and I let her know that under no circumstances did I blame her. It was my fault.

I quickly ran the rest of the way there. "Please be home, please be home, please be home," I whispered.

"Bella, I didn't hear you come up." The look of surprise was apparent. She poked her head out looking behind me.

"Oh yeah, I uh, I went for a walk. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course. Since when do you walk?"

I chuckled. "Since I couldn't stand being in my house one more second."

"What's going on? Are you okay?" She shut the door behind me leading me to the living room.

"I don't know."

In my hurry to leave I left my jacket behind. She saw me shivering and offered me some tea. Once I got warm we were able to talk comfortably.

Seated in the living room I looked around me. All around me were clothes and boxes of this and that. "So what's all this?" I asked. I was holding up a neatly pressed shirt.

"Oh, my mom and I went through my closet and found a bunch of clothes and stuff I wasn't using. So we decided to sort it all out and give it to some charity, then the day after next we'll hit Port Angeles and do some college clothes shopping. We're gonna make a day of it."

Wow, so this is what normal looks like.

"Well I'm sorry I barged in. I should leave you to it then."

"Bella, what's wrong? You seem, weird. Weirder than normal that is," there was humor in her eyes as she threw a pair of socks at me for me to fold.

I began helping her. "That bad huh?"

"Kinda. I'll listen if you want to talk? Is it Edward?"

"Yeah. I can't really say exactly, specifically, what's wrong but I can try and give you a rundown. Maybe you can tell me if I'm overreacting or not."

"Sure. Lay it on me."

Fortunately for me Angela is easy to talk to. She never pulls any more information from me than I'm willing to provide. I went over everything as best I could but again without giving any real details it just sounds petty. At least that's what I thought.

"Wow. I can't believe he did that? Why would he continue to keep things from you?"

"I don't know. I mean, Edward's always trying to protect me you know. At first it was sweet. But now, it just seems like he's taking over my choices. It's like, he can't trust how I'll react to something so he colors it, or just straight up lies about it. It's getting to where I'm questioning the least little thing."

This next sentence got stuck in my throat, "I don't, trust his judgment, not like I did. I want to believe him, I want to trust him but how can I when he constantly keeps stuff from me?" I felt embarrassed, I don't think I've ever been emotional in front of her before.

Angela gave me a hug, we aren't really huggy-feely kind of friends so it was awkward, but it still felt nice. She was quiet as she patted my back. After a while she asked, "Have you talked to him yet?"

"No. I already know what he'll say, it's always the same, 'I was trying to protect you.' I am not a child, Angie. He just can't keep doing this. We're about to head off to school in the next week or so and already everything's been turned upside down! Nothing's happened this summer like we planned. What's next Angie, what else can possibly go wrong?"

"Oh my gosh don't say that! That's like the worst jinx ever, Bella and you just...put it out there in the universe!"

"Oh please, I'm not afraid of fate. Whatever's gonna happen can just go right ahead and happen. I don't care anymore." I then began yelling at some unseen force around me, "Did you hear that? I don't care!"

Angela rolled her eyes. "Oh Bella, so dramatic. You really should've tried out for drama club." We both laughed and it was the relief I was looking for. For the next couple of hours we sorted clothes, swapped stories and talked about anything and everything else. I had managed to put some of the sadness behind me, at least for a little while. I knew Edward would be worried, but I honestly didn't care. Since he's taken it upon himself to worry about everything for me, what's one more thing?

Sure enough, as we were nearing the end of our visit the phone rang. Angela answered it, whispering to me, "It's Edward."

I exhaled sharply. I didn't feel like talking to him yet but I figured I might as well and get the show on the road.

"Where have you been? Have you been at Angela's this whole time? You didn't leave a note or anything. Alice said... I was worried is all."

"Why were you worried? I'm perfectly capable of going here and there without the benefit of police escort."

"Bella. Are you put out with me? What did I do now?"

"It's what you didn't do. I can't discuss it now."

"I'll be right there. Don't move." That last request was more of an order and I was tempted to leave just to spite him, but I knew that was childish. And it would hardly help things.

"'K," I said. It was time to clear things up.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Once I was in his car we sped toward my house. I wanted some privacy, however, so we went out along the highway and pulled into a rest area.

I needed to know, even if I lost my temper even if I hated his answers, I needed to know.

I didn't give any warning of what was to come. It just spilled out. "Edward. How long have you known about the flyers and the news reports for Bree Tanner?" It came out as more accusatory than I expected.

"Uh, for a while now."

"Why would you keep something like that from me? Those poor people. And how? Dad has the flyers, I haven't seen any around town."

"I know. My family and I take them down as soon as we see one."

"You what?"

"We have to, Bella. There are several other flyers from several other missing persons, too that we keep regular track of. They're all from Victoria's horde."

"But why, Edward? Explain this to me, please," I said, gritting my teeth. I was on the edge of completely losing my temper.

"Several reasons. We know what happened to them. They died in the meadow, well, technically they died in Seattle...I digress. There's no chance of any of them ever being found. There's no chance Bree's parents will ever get her back. We couldn't save them, or her. So there's no point in keeping all these flyers up. It would cause a stir for nothing. And, I was worried what your reaction would be to seeing them. Even with all our efforts to keep them from you, you still must have seen them. You've been dreaming about her."

Hearing this threw me. I looked out the window and it was as if I was back in the dream again. The girl crouching in the darkness, so small, so meek. Was I really dreaming of Bree, or was Bree supposed to represent me? A psychologist would have a field day with that one.

Some of his reasons for the secrecy was reasonable, even commendable, but it just reminded me of what was really bothering me.

"You couldn't tell me? Edward, for what possible reason do you have for not telling me? Protecting me? I-am-not-a-child. You cannot protect me from every little thing. I'm not so fragile that I'll break if I get bad news. It really hurts knowing that you can't trust me, that you can't trust how I'll react." As I finished I realized something else.

"Wait, why the sudden push to protect me? Did Alice see something? What did she see?"

He clinched his jaw. "Wow, you're getting good at reading us. Maybe your vampire powers would have been a type of telepathy or something. I guess the old saying is true after all, 'Be careful what you wish for…'"

The look of shock spread over my face as the words slowly seeped in. Did he say, "Would have been"?

"Edward?"

"Alice doesn't see you as a vampire anymore."

"What? How could…? That's absurd."

"Is it? Do you want to be a vampire, Bella?"

I was about to answer "yes" but nothing came out. No one was more shocked than me.

Too many things were going through my head. What was the answer?

"I need to hear it," he said.

After what seemed like an eternity, with the image of Bree's pretty face in my mind I finally spoke, "No. Not anymore. Not after all the things I've seen. It's just not what I thought, it's not as simple as I thought. I don't know what I thought really. All I know, all I can think about are Bree's pictures and the face of her mom on the TV, pleading. I can't do it, Edward. I can't let mom and dad go through that. Even if we faked our deaths, they'd never…I..."

I broke down into Edward's arms. The image of my parents in such endless pain was horrible.

He held me as I cried it out. Is this the end? Have we gone as far as we can go? I wish I were brave. I wish I could find a way to keep the people I love in my life. Why is this so hard? Why is it always either/or for me?

"Bella, just so you know, you being turned into a vampire was never a deal breaker for me one way or the other. I only went along with it because you wanted it so badly. You were so single-minded about it, I just knew you could at any time go behind my back to Carlisle, or even Alice. I was desperate. I asked you to marry me as a stalling tactic. Imagine my surprise when you said yes!" he chuckled. "I do want to marry you, very much so, but a part of me always thought if I could hold you off a few more years maybe you'd realize that...that just being with me was enough.

"But I have to admit, there was another part of me that does want you to be turned for reasons that are all selfish. But the price… I don't know about you, but I can't afford to pay that price. The price is Charlie and Renee, your friends, the pack…Jacob. You're already paying too heavy a price as it is."

The tears flowed. Hearing Edward speak so softly and earnestly about those I love made me yearn for them more. Is it possible I can have Edward and everyone else, too? Is that what he's saying?

"This isn't the first time you've felt so strongly about vampires. Remember Italy?"

I struggled to remember anything about that trip, it was all a blur.

"You were appalled that a human would want to be a part of my world. I told you the girl, Gianna, stays because they've promised to turn her and you said, and I quote, 'How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?' I'll never forget that. It was the first and only time you've ever made sense, the first time you acknowledged what my kind really is. Until now," he smiled.

I remembered, now. The old woman with the rosary will always stay with me.

"Edward, you said, 'Be careful what you wish for,' what did you mean by that?"

I heard him smile. "It's just that life never ceases to amaze me. All this time I've been hoping and praying you'd change your mind. Now that it's happened, I'm worried."

"About?"

"The Volturi. Even though I hated the idea of you turning, at least you'd no longer be a target for them. However, we're constantly watching them. Now that things have changed, even more so. It's not impossible, but we'll do everything we can to keep you safe."

I tried to be calm. "The Volturi. How long do you think we have until they come for me?"

He tightened his grip around me. "It really is hard to say. It'll be a last minute decision, sort of offhanded really. They're not even thinking about it right now. They place the importance of coming to find you as very low, they have other more pressing things to keep them busy; it could be 5 years, it could be 20. It's all the same to them. Quite frankly, they figure I or one of the family will accidentally kill you before they ever get around to it."

"Thank you for being so candid, I wish you could be that way more often. I hate it when you keep things from me."

"I'll try my love. In fact..."

"What?"

"I wasn't planning on saying anything until after we left for school, but I see how my omissions affect you no matter my intentions." I didn't like the sound of this.

"Bella, when you took off earlier I panicked, I didn't know what to think. I called around and no one knew anything, so I called Billy."

I'm sure my face said it all.

"Billy informed me of some news regarding Jacob. You're not going to like it."

I held my breath.

***A/N***I told you it was long lol. I probably could have split it, but I wanted it as one chap. just cuz it's the 13th chapter and it's Halloween, at least for a little bit more. The next chapter won't be nearly as long, I assure you, and it will be Jacob's POV. As I said above, I've never read the Bree Tanner book, maybe someday. Bella's awakening nearly killed me so I'm looking forward to this next chapter. It won't exactly be light and fluffy but it should hopefully be rewarding. Thanks for reading.