A/N: Thank you for allowing me to write my story and for giving me the time and space to do it. I always have an interesting time naming the chapters, it's kinda fun actually. I have my reasons for naming this chapter "Snuff" of which will be clear in the end. Just trying to make it interesting. So without further ado...

Snuff

"Bella?"

"What?"

I turned around just in time to see Alice race over to me. She looked worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, I didn't know where you were, I turned around and you were gone. Then I remembered you like to come out here. Honestly, Bella, you'd think someone who had a horde of ravenous vampires after her would be just a little more cautious. Why do you come out here so much?"

"Same reason as yesterday and the day before, just watching and thinking." With enough winter gear on I was able to venture outside once in a while. Near the campsite is a fire pit that visitors use. I sat on one of the huge logs surrounding the pit. Most times they just leave it to burn because there's almost always someone out here but today it burned itself out, the smoke of which still perfumed the air.

Our campground is made up of about 10 cabins. Most of them have occupants and every so often we'll wave at them but we didn't try to make conversation, it was just easier. They all came for the fishing and hunting anyway, so by nighttime they were all stowed away in their cabins. I was the only one out here. But even though I was still technically within the campgrounds, given the nature of our situation I wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone, which ordinarily I'd be fine with, but I needed an hour a day to myself. I was getting severe cabin fever and we'd only been here six days.

I think the biggest problem was no sun. This far north at this time of year there was hardly any sun. Sometimes none. Sometimes only as much as two or so hours a day. Living in constant darkness was beginning to wear on me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, Alice."

Once Alice was finished resetting the fire to a small inferno she turned to me and said, "Just try to be a little more adamant about telling me your whereabouts from now on. Edward gets so cranky when he hasn't had enough to eat. Don't give me a reason to call him in early," she warned.

I giggled, "I won't."

"Why do you like to come out here? You're out here at the same time every night."

"It's peaceful and I like watching the show," and motioned to the sky. The show I was referring to was the aurora borealis, something you don't see too much of in the lower 48. I don't think I could ever get tired of watching this.

Alice sat down next to me. Sometimes she watched it, sometimes she stared off into nothingness. There didn't seem to be a moment when she wasn't watching out for The Powers That Be. I was sad for her; she was amongst one of the most awe-inspiring wonders of the world and she couldn't enjoy it.

"Anything?"

"Nothing new. Bella, are you okay?"

Her question surprised me. "Yeah, fine. I mean, I could do without the whole contract on my life thing, but yeah I'm good. Why?"

She refused to answer.

"Alice, why do you have that look on your face sometimes?"

"What look?"

"You don't think I've noticed? Every once in a while you look at me like you're in pain. I thought it was because of the whole wedding thing, but now I'm not so sure."

"The wedd...? Oh, right, yeah. Well, it's nothing really, just some demons I carry around with me. They're my burden to bear."

It didn't feel right asking. The Cullens' "demons" were intensely personal. We sat there for a while longer, I was getting cold but the fire helped, and I wanted to stay. You never hear this kind of quiet in the city. It's almost like you're in the vacuum of space, like you have to whisper.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Are you happy? I mean, are you – happy?"

I looked at her curiously. "Um, sure. I mean yes, I'm generally happy." She had a peculiar look on her face. "You look like you don't believe me," I said.

"I wouldn't say that, it's just... how do I ask this? It's hard for a psychic to ask questions, there's always a chance that even just asking, you run the risk of changing the future. It takes so little really, to change the future. I guess what I want to know is, does Edward make you happy? I know you two have been having some problems."

"Oh."

"You do still love him, don't you?"

"Of course... yes, I do. I'll always love him...I just," I wish I knew how to say what I felt. I could only continue in a whisper. "I do love Edward, but something's different. Something's changed." I shrugged. "Maybe I've changed."

It was hard to describe the look on her face, not too unlike the way a person looks when they finally know the ending of a book or story, but it didn't end the way they hoped.

I didn't know how to finish what I started.

"I need to know, Bella," she said passionately. "I need to know exactly how you're feeling."

There was so much to cover but she wanted to know everything. All we have is time here, so I laid it all out for her; everything I'd been holding in, everything I'd been too afraid to say or even admit to myself. Nothing was rehearsed, and nothing was held back. It was clumsy, but it was the truest truth I've ever told.

"Why haven't you told him?"

"I can't."

"He needs to know, Bella, he probably already does but he should hear it from you."

"I feel so awful Alice, he loves me so much... So...Much. Sometimes it's enough, ya know. There are times when it doesn't make sense to keep going, but then he'll do something so sweet and romantic, it just takes my breath away again. It reminds me of how I fell in love with him. But it never lasts, it's not enough to lose this feeling I have. I just feel so guilty. I can't get rid of this nagging feeling of being incomplete. Why am I this way, Alice? Why am I such an awful person? I chose Edward, I've always known Edward was my future. You even told me that. I just don't understand my feelings. I shouldn't be feeling like this. How could my feelings for Edward change?"

That look of pain was on her face again. "Bella, there's something I have to tell you. I didn't want to say anything unless I had to…I hoped it would all just work out. And I wanted to be sure, really really sure before I told you anything. You won't like it but it at least explains what you're going through. I've been wanting to tell you for some time. I just hope after everything that's said that you won't hate me forever. Just remember I love you, Bella, I did it because I love you."

I was too stunned and afraid to say anything.

"Bella, the night of the fight in the clearing, the night Jacob was almost….when he was hurt. You're right, Bella...something has changed but it wasn't between you and Edward; it was between you and Jacob. After the fight, I brought you back to the house for a bath and such. You asked me a question you thought I knew the answer to, ordinarily I would know the answer to that question because it's always been the same. Always, until right then. You asked me about your future if I could still see you as a vampire, I said yes….. I lied. I lied to you, Bella."

I was unable to move, I was unable to think. I could no longer feel the cold outside as a horrible numbness went through me.

"I was angry with you, Bella. I was horrified that you could even think of choosing that Jacob over Edward and I was angry at the dog for corrupting you! But I knew it must be true because I couldn't see you anymore. When you were unconscious I could still see you, but after you came to in the clearing when Jane and the rest came, it stopped. I couldn't see you anymore. Your future disappeared, not entirely, not completely. But enough to scare me. I thought maybe it was because the dogs were still too close, but when we got to my house I realized it was true. You had made your choice, it was just the wrong one. But I knew you still loved Edward, very much. All you needed was a little push. So I vowed to change your mind. I didn't want to lose you, Bella - and Edward...he's waited so long for you, I just couldn't bear to see him hurt again. We all love you so much, Bella, you're my sister, I would do anything – say anything – to keep you with us. But I knew you were just on the verge of realizing your feelings. I panicked."

My face burned hot and the tears flowed, at least I think they did. I was too numb to feel anything in the way of sensations. I couldn't look at her, I was too angry, too hurt and too confused to function. Everything I knew, everything I'd believed and felt all these years – was a lie.

I wanted to die. I've never been so betrayed, but I was still in shock. It couldn't be true, how could something this horrible be true?

Still at a loss for words, I jerked away as she reached out to me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella, please forgive me!" Her voice was quivering and urgent, as if she was choking back a muffled cry.

But I still couldn't look at her. She was a stranger. She knew. She knew even before I did. I wanted Jacob just as much as I wanted Edward, more based on what she saw, but she manipulated me. I thought I had made a choice and by doing so thought it was a righteous choice. I could live with the pain of what I gave up. I put all of my faith into it, into her words. Her reassurance meant everything to me, I never doubted her even for a moment. Even if she had told the truth I still might have stayed with Edward at first, but knowing my heart would choose Jacob in the end, would have changed everything. I hadn't fully realized my feelings yet but I would have. She used this and implanted a new future. The certainty I'd felt was manufactured. Being my best friend she knew just what to say to make me teeter off balance.

I stood and backed away from her slowly. It was as if I was backing away from a dangerous animal. With each step she took toward me I took two back. I slowly turned my back on her and headed toward the cabin. She began to follow but I whipped around and pointed my finger as a warning as if to say, 'Don't follow me.' She stopped in her tracks.

Just as I was walking away, Jasper, probably feeling our emotions, came out of the cabin and was walking past me towards Alice. He looked at me with the saddest expression I've ever seen him wear. He could feel what I was feeling and for once I hoped he would take my pain away. I think he attempted to, but he couldn't take it all. He then sped quickly to Alice's side who looked just as distraught as I did. As I closed the cabin door behind me I noticed they were heavily engaged in conversation.

It was just too much. Nothing felt real. I got to my room and didn't even make it to the bed, I slumped down to the floor and curled myself into a ball.

I must have fallen to sleep. I awoke to feel something laying over me, a blanket someone had placed on me. Still wearing all my winter gear I took off my coat and tried to think. Hours had gone by according to the clock. I thought I was alone until I heard something move in the corner of the room.

"You're awake."

I jolted upright. I was frightened but I wasn't sure why. I had thought about everything Alice said and all the implications that came with it but there still seemed to be a missing section of the puzzle I didn't want to put together.

"Yeah." The only light in the room was some moonlight streaming in through the window. He was sitting in the corner where it was dark, I couldn't see his face but I had known Edward long enough to know which of his worried faces he was wearing.

He moved out of the shadow and started toward me but I instinctively scooted back. It was involuntary and took me by surprise, as it did him. I could feel the hardness of the door pressed to my back. I felt trapped.

"I won't hurt you."

"I'm not so sure about that." I continued to breathe heavy, my adrenaline kicking in. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream but I was absolutely certain my legs didn't have the strength, not that I could actually get away. Vampires.

"So it's true?" I needed to hear him say it.

"Yes," he looked down.

The next realization hurt me harder than a ton of bricks ever could.

"You knew. Of course you knew." He knew all along, he had to have.

He never looked up. "Yes."

He quickly added, "But I didn't know she was going to do that, Bella, I swear to you. There was too much going on in the clearing and we still had Jane to worry about. It was after. After you had gone back to your dad's. I left the reservation and went back to my house to change clothes. Alice was there looking pretty pleased with herself. Once I found out what she did, I went crazy. We had it out, the harshest fight we've ever had, the family was split in two.

"Esme was so upset, she was beside herself with worry that I would kill Alice and I wanted to for interfering. I called your house but you had already left for the reservation. It was too late, the damage had been done.

"Don't lay all the blame on Alice, Bella. It wouldn't be fair. I'm just as much to blame. I could have told you. I should have but I was losing you. I knew the second I told you, everything we had would be over. I've told you how selfish vampires can be but you would never believe it. I know you feel betrayed but we're only doing what's in our nature to do. I'm just sorry you were hurt in the process.

"In spite of my nature I managed to be unselfish once, I lived without you once. It's more than I ever thought I could bear. Even a minute in hell is too long, Bella, and I was in it for 6-1/2 months. I vowed not to let you go without a fight, not again. I meant what I said to Jacob, I never promised I'd play fair. I knew I could make you happy again, I was sure of it. And then the lies wouldn't matter. I thought if I just had enough time, I could get him out of your heart. My vanity and arrogance hold no bounds it seems."

I looked into his pleading eyes but it was a stranger looking back. Maybe it was Jasper or maybe it was the lateness of the hour but I was suddenly aware of my exhaustion. Perhaps he could sense my fatigue because he silently got up and walked toward me. He lifted me up - blanket and all - and placed me on the bed, and left the room.

I stayed in that position practically comatose. I could hear Edward and Alice bickering outside the room but I didn't budge. All the secrets were out now, there was no need for discretion. I overheard Edward say, "What were you thinking upsetting her like that? You couldn't possibly have picked a worse time, Alice!" Alice countered with, "It was as good a time as any, Edward. When exactly is it a good time to tell someone that their entire life is a lie?"

They went back and forth for a while, I stopped listening because the voice in my head would trickle thoughts in and became louder than either of theirs. I wanted to blame them, I wanted to hate them. I even wanted to blame the Volturi. But everyone played their part, didn't they? Even me. I looked to Alice for reaffirmation of my feelings for Edward, why did I do that? I never needed it before.

Looking back on it, I knew then things had changed. I knew I loved Jacob more than I ever had but I also knew I loved Edward. I just needed to know that I wasn't being wishy washy or willing to throw a perfectly good relationship away just because of these new feelings. What kind of girl does that? I didn't want to be that girl. So I sacrificed Jacob and my own heart to hold onto an ideal. It's just as much my fault as it is anyone's.

I couldn't think anymore, I couldn't listen to them anymore. I reached over and put my earphones in and listened to my music. Really not wanting to hear any love songs I double-checked the artists. Let's see; Shadows Fall, Slipknot, Flyleaf, yep sounds good. No sappy love songs, thank you, and turned up the music nice and loud. I pulled out one of my specialty candles that I got from Savannah to help me sleep better and keeps the scary dreams away. So far, it's worked pretty well. A minute after lighting it; lavender, sandalwood, and other aromas filled the room.

With all my senses being overloaded I was able to block out everything going on pretty effectively. I closed my eyes and let the scents and guitars work their way into me. I must have fallen asleep because I think I was dreaming, or maybe it was a memory. Maybe it was a dream of a memory. I was back in LaPush standing on the cliffs. Words kept coming into my head, whether it was being spoken or it was my voice I couldn't tell. "Bury all your secrets in my skin... And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again..."

I could feel the wind pushing against my back, it was as if it was urging me to jump. Looking out into the cold water I knew what awaited me below, and I didn't care. I had felt this before, all those years ago trying desperately to hear a voice that wasn't real. But this voice was, it was still speaking to me louder and stronger than Edward's did. "So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there."

I stood on the cliffs listening to this voice. Whatever it was seemed to know my feelings better than I did. "You sold me out to save yourself... And I won't listen to your shame. You ran away, you're all the same. Angels lie to keep control... My love was punished long ago, If you still care, don't ever let me know."

It was then I saw movement in the water. It was Jacob. I saw myself jumping off the cliff, but the words suddenly went quiet and I woke up. The room still had the flickering glow of the candle about it but much less than before, the candle was burning itself out. My playlist finishing is what woke me. I took off my earphones only to hear more silence. It actually worried me.

I walked into the living area only to see Edward and Alice through the window standing outside in the cold, motionless. They didn't appear to be talking but I knew they were probably having a full conversation in their own psychic way.

They both looked at me at the same time and came into the cabin. We all just stood there saying nothing at first. I finally broke the ice.

"Where's Jasper?" Every time I turn around he's gone.

"Patrolling. He wanted to stay, he thought he might be of use but I told him we would work it out," she said.

"Anything new with Demetri?"

"Yes and no," Alice said.

Reading my face, she said, "Demetri hasn't found us yet, but he's getting closer."

"How can that be?"

She looked at Edward and he nodded.

Edward said, "He found a way to track us. That's how he found us at the airport. It's how he'll find us here and how he'll find us anywhere we go. It's me, he's tracking me."

I couldn't believe it. If that's true it's just a matter of time. It didn't matter where we went. My luck just gets better and better. It makes sense he would track Edward, he knows Edward would never leave my side.

"How long do we have?" he asked Alice.

"I'm not sure," she said. "He's trying to understand your mind and he's having a hard time reaching into you, you haven't been yourself lately. He knows you're in Canada but that's all he could get before he lost you again. Fortunately for us Canada is a pretty big place. If you can just keep him busy you might be able to stall him."

"Well considering I don't know how I'm confusing him in the first place that's going to be pretty tough, can you be specific?"

"I told you, Edward, you haven't been yourself lately. You're conflicted," she then looked at me.

"Maybe it'll buy us some time," he said. He didn't sound convinced.

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

Edward walked outside.

I looked at Alice confused. "He's upset because he was hoping to put this off a little longer but given the situation...it's time we moved to Plan B," she explained.

"Plan B?"

"Yes, Plan A worked on the assumption that Demetri was following you, we would just continue to try and stay one step ahead of him at all times. But that's not realistic. He would just chase you and chase you until he wore you down. But since he's tracking Edward, Plan B is your best option, in fact it makes your odds that much better."

This was making me really nervous. "So what is Plan B exactly?"

She said with great hesitation, "We hear Jacob is in Hawaii, Plan B is to send you there so he can protect you. Demetri can't find you, it seems you are blocking his powers. So since you and the Cullens have no connections besides Jacob in Hawaii and since only a few people know Jacob's there and even fewer know how close you two were, the likelihood that Demetri will find you is slim at best. The Volturi don't know about the wolves and don't know we are in league with them. Since Demetri's following Edward, Edward will take him on a wild goose chase and send him to God knows where. That will give us time to figure out what to do next and how to get you out of this predicament once and for all."

I couldn't believe it. Could this be real? Am I finally going to see Jacob again? But would he want to help? After everything that's happened, maybe the last thing he'd want to do is help me yet another time. No, knowing Jacob he would do it, that's just the way he is but I feel awful using him again. I was worried but at the same time I was ecstatic at the idea of seeing him. Just the thought of it gave me butterflies and made me smile.

Alice examined my face, "So I take it you approve."

I laughed and blushed. My eyes then followed where Edward had gone. I looked at Alice and she looked away. She saw what I was about to do.

"Bella, for the record, I am sorry, more than you'll ever know."

"I know, Alice. And someday I will forgive you, but not right now."

"I understand. I'm going to go catch up with Jasper and do some patrolling. I'll let you two have some privacy. We'll call Jacob in the morning, okay?" I nodded my head.

She left and I sat on the couch waiting for Edward to return. When he finally did come back he was a little cool towards me. I had the feeling I knew why. He heard what Alice saw just now, including our conversation at the fire. It was good in a way, I didn't have to explain it all again.

"So I guess that's it, my love," he said.

"I guess so." We didn't say anything for a while.

I didn't want to give the ole "we'll still be friends" speech. It's tired and has been done to death and it doesn't really help to hear it anyway. There were so many things going through my head. I was still angry at both of them for lying to me, but I certainly don't want either of them to get hurt by the Volturi. But we can't continue as we were, Edward and I. I knew we were over the second Alice told me what she did. It was yet another omission, where in a relationship even one is too many. I was also excited at seeing Jacob again but I was just as sad to let something go after it's been in my life for so long. I'll miss Edward. He's been the only constant in my life since I arrived in Forks.

We talked for an hour. We finally told each other everything there was to tell and then some, and by the end, there wasn't anything left to tell. We had gone as far as we could go, and even though it was sad - I was at peace with it. I never thought I would say that... Ever.

He hugged me and then took his stuff out of our room and into the guest room. When he finished he came out of my room and looked at me with an expression I couldn't read. He walked into his room and shut the door. With my head in my hands, I cried. It was over, it really was over. It had been such a roller coaster of a day. I was exhausted again. I had my cry and then went to my room and shut the door. I shuffled over to the bed and let myself collapse into it hugging the pillows. As I lie there I watched the flickering of the candle as it struggled to stay lit. It lasted for as long as it could. I watched as the flame got smaller and smaller and then within the blink of an eye it was gone, leaving behind some charred remains and a trail of smoke making shapes as it floated away. I mourned for the fire and for the life it had, once.

A/N: This was a very musically inspired chapter. As you Slipknot fans may recognize, I used "Snuff" in this story, it's one of my favorites by them. "Duality" is probably my favorite favorite of theirs. Anyhoo, I tried to blend not only the literal meaning of the lyrics with the events of the story, but also be an analogy of their relationship. Sometimes, all that's left are the ashes. Just like Meet me on the Equinox states, "Everything ends." So what's up next you ask? Bella's sun returns, YAAAYYYY ! ! ! :)

***Disclaimer: The characters setting and familiar situations belong to Stephenie Meyers. References to films, places or music also do no belong to me. No copyright infringement intended. I'm not making any monetary profit from this.***