New Reason for Living
Chapter 16: Bends in the Path
That morning, I was surprised to notice how far I was. I was out in the town that Leanne went to. Noticing that everyone was around, I decided that I needed some time to myself to think. I sat up on the hillside where Leanne and I had our first night out together.
I was surprised by how much had happened since that fateful day when my life changed for the better. So much had happened since then, but does that mean it had to go like this? This isn't what I expected it to be. I thought that I would finally have what I wanted. I guess Leanne doesn't deserve me after all; I wanted to make things better, but I only made it worse by just being with her. How could I have been so wrong like I was?
I felt ashamed with myself all of a sudden by what I had been doing ever since I came into Leanne's life. That was when it came to her; her life was better before I came. She was all right living by herself; she didn't have any troubles like she did now.
"Why am I saying this? Leanne wasn't any better off alone than she was when I came. I'm the one who changed things for her; I wanted her to have a better life than she did before I came. She was happy when she was with me, and I was happy when I was with her." I said to myself. This wasn't making any sense to me; there were so many thought in my head at once that they were all clashing with one another. How was I going to be able to figure any of this out if I couldn't figure anything out?
"I can't understand any of this. How can I work out what the right thing is if there are so many wrong things in what's right on its own?" I asked, confused by my own thoughts. How could staying away be so right, yet so wrong at the same time? It was right because Leanne's safety and my own was ensured, but it was also wrong because I was hurting Leanne's feeling by now being there.
The one place to be came to me; the place where all of this started. "Maybe everything will become clear to me if I go there." I said. With this, I got up and headed off. I hoped that I would be able to understand what the right thing was to do if I was there. It was where everything started, so hopefully it would also be where everything would be clear to me and what I was going to do.