Esperanza was quiet at two in the morning. Katie stood in the living room of the house, looking around with a frown. The man had to have something he was hiding. Everyone did. She just needed to find it. So far, she'd searched his bedroom, office, and bathroom. Aside from a bad habit of just stacking medical journals in a corner, Carson Beckett appeared to be the neatest, most organized, and most honest man she'd ever known. His computer was password protected, however, and she didn't know how to hack it. Otherwise, she might have found something worth using on that machine.
Strolling into the kitchen, Katie trailed her gloved hands along the counter. The moon was full, and she had no problem seeing where she was going. Opening and closing cabinets, she searched for a secret stash of alcohol that might indicate a problem. Nothing. In frustration, she yanked open the fridge and peered inside. He had a bottle of wine stored in there, but only a few glasses were missing from the amount. And, based on the vintage, it was something he used on special occasions.
Tired of searching and finding nothing, Katie idly flipped through the contents. She'd been careful to keep any evidence of her presence from appearing, but she doubted he'd have the memory to notice the contents of his fridge slightly out of place. Especially since he was off enjoying his time with Alison Porter.
Katie's mouth twisted in irritation at the thought of her man off with the little girl. He needed to realize what Katie could offer him.
Her fixation with Carson bordered on unhealthy. Katie knew that and often dismissed the ideas that popped into her head. But the more Carson resisted her advances, the more she wanted him. She wasn't certain how long he'd amuse her, though, and considered giving up the fruitless search. But she was in a tight spot. Ever since Debbie Engleside overdosed on meth, Katie's extra income had stopped. She couldn't risk Engleside or his foreman finding out about how she'd dealt other drugs on the side. It was enough that she'd already broken into the pharmacy to continue feeding her oxycodone habit.
A random motion opened the butter compartment on the fridge door. Katie stopped and stared. Three silver devices lay side by side, vials of clear liquid in them and ready to be administered. Picking them up, she turned them over and over as she thought. Carson was diabetic, or so he said. But this wasn't insulin. She'd seen plenty of insulin bottles and syringes in her time and knew what those looked like. These devices looked like the science fiction versions of syringes that she saw on television. The clear liquid inside could be anything.
So this is his secret! Katie grinned as she tucked all three of the devices into her pocket. She backed out of the house, careful to lock the door as she left. She wanted Carson to return home and find it exactly how he'd left it. With the exception of his drugs, of course. As she scurried to her tiny apartment, she fingered the silver syringes and frowned. Carson didn't show signs of being a drug user, so they could be some sort of life-saving medication. But he also didn't show signs of being a normal man. Any normal man would have taken her up on her multiple offers by now, and he was either too dense or too smitten with Alison to notice.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Katie pulled the silver vials from her pocket. They should be kept in the fridge, she knew. Putting all but one there, she mentally calculated the dosage. One, maybe two, per bottle. What was it? The vials weren't marked at all—something unusual in the medical realm—and she let out a deep breath. There was only one way to find out. And finding out could kill her.
"What choice do I have?" she asked the quiet room. Taking a deep breath, she put the syringe to her elbow and depressed the plunger.
oOo
Alison woke on their final day in the Swiss Alps with Carson's arm again draped over her waist. Last night, they'd stayed up late to watch movies in her room, and she'd drifted to sleep next to him. He'd not said as much, but she sensed he might not be too comfortable in his room after his horrific nightmare. She couldn't fully understand, but she could offer him a safe place to rest. Besides, the smile he gave her as she blinked at the sunrise shining in her window was worth every moment of it.
"Morning," she said as she tried to keep her eyes open.
He chuckled. "You have time. You can go back to sleep."
"I know." She rolled into him, snuggling into his side and loving how his arms wrapped around her. For a long time, she allowed herself to simply doze on his chest, his heartbeat creating a comforting rhythm beneath her ear. He seemed content to hold her, and she felt his body begin to relax back into sleep.
Then someone banged on the door. Startled, Alison sat upright, her hair falling onto her shoulders. In the bed, Carson let out a quick giggle before putting a warm hand on her shoulder. "I'll get it, love." His voice was warm as he pushed out of the bed and padded to the door on bare feet.
The simplicity of it, as well as the intimacy of their sleeping arrangements, was not lost on her. She'd always thought she'd find the man she spent the rest of her days with more attractive after they'd become intimately involved. Instead, she'd just spent the last two nights in the same bed with Carson and had managed to actually sleep. Nothing happened between them, and Alison could only anticipate the moment when it did happen.
Carson's soft conversation at the door ended, and he walked back across the floor to sit on the edge of the bed. "That was Sheppard."
She felt her face heat but grinned. "And what kind of look did you get when you answered my door?"
His smile widened. "Love, I think you're better off not knowin' how the colonel's mind works."
Alison shoved his shoulder. "What did Sheppard want?"
"To tell us that gifts are about to be opened downstairs." He shrugged. "I saw him pound on Dusty's door as well, so we're not the only ones who are late."
Alison pushed back the comforter still covering her legs. "Let's not keep them waiting!" She reached for clothing and stopped when Carson's hand landed on her wrist.
He shrugged. "Sheppard was still in his night clothes as well. Let's enjoy the moment."
She straightened and, after a moment, nodded. Carson's eyes lit from within, and he grabbed her hand to lead her from her room. Alison laughed at the childlike action and couldn't help thinking that she needed more of this in her life. She'd caught up with him as they reached the stairs and laced her fingers through his. She honestly didn't care if the team saw them together.
Downstairs, Anne held a steaming cup of coffee as she curled her bare feet under her. The major glared at Ronon, who was fully dressed and eagerly sitting next to the Christmas tree. Teyla appeared as equally composed and handed Alison a cup of hot cocoa before pouring a cup of coffee for Carson. Sheppard bounded back over to the, his hair more unruly than normal and grinned. "C'mon, Teldy, liven up a bit."
Anne glared. "With all due respect, Sir, I was asleep five minutes ago."
Sheppard motioned toward her. "And I made sure there was coffee waiting."
"Yes, Sir, you did." She frowned. "But this is my last day on leave, and I was hoping to enjoy the extra sleep."
Sheppard waved a hand as Dusty and Chuck appeared on the steps, looking even more tousled than Carson and Alison. "You'll get over it," he said as he turned. Grinning at the newly-arrived couple, he asked, "Did you see Lorne and Cole?"
Dusty blinked owlishly at him, but Chuck grinned. "I think I heard them up and about," said the gate tech.
As he'd predicted, Lorne and Cole appeared a few moments later, completing the group. Anne managed to look a bit more awake as the coffee flowed, and Sheppard took up a spot next to the Christmas tree. Looking around, he grinned. "Okay, we're all here." His face sobered. "I know we're not much for speeches, and we all bought gifts for one another. But, as Ronon and I were shopping, we decided to do things a bit different." He reached under the tree and started pulling out similar sized boxes. "Since this is everyone's first trip to Switzerland, we decided to splurge and get something for everyone. Porter, you and Cole only get one gift as this is from me and Ronon."
Amanda rolled her eyes. "I feel left out!"
Laughter floated around the room as Sheppard handed out the boxes. When he nodded, Teyla tore into hers. Her gasp made everyone smile. "John!" She held up an elegant silver watch, it's diamond shaped face showing no numbers but housing an amethyst at the two o'clock and six o'clock position. A band of matching silver chains glittered in the early morning sun. "It is beautiful!"
Sheppard's grin widened as he helped Teyla pull it from the box and fix it around her wrist. Alison eyed the box in her hand, knowing that the price Sheppard had just spent on Teyla's gift alone was outrageous. Sheppard nodded to everyone to go ahead and open their gifts, and the sound of paper tearing filled the room.
Anne was the first to free her gift from the wrapping. "Sir." She shook her head. Her watch had the same distinctive diamond shape as Teyla's, but it looked completely different. Still silver, it had ten small diamonds that flowed down one side. The face was black.
Sheppard motioned. "I know you can't. . .uh. . .wear it on duty, Teldy, but. . . ." He shrugged sheepishly.
Anne stared at him. She looked about ready to protest but simply smiled. "Thank you, Sir."
Amanda's watch was a practical brown band with a satin rose gold case. She grinned, commenting that she could wear it in the infirmary. Dusty found one with a dusky blue band, a sapphire at the six o'clock position, and simple gold casing. And Alison, who had waited until last, stared at a simple silver watch with a diamond in the six o'clock position. Each and every one of them matched the woman to whom they'd been given, and Alison shook her head. She'd never thought to see Anne Teldy speechless or Dusty Mehra admiring a piece of jewelry like she currently was. That, alone, was priceless.
The men also received Swiss watches, though they were less varied and much more functional than the ladies'. Carson thanked Sheppard with a grin, whispering to Alison that he'd also be allowed to wear it in the infirmary. She gave his shoulder another shove with a warning to be quiet.
After that, the gift exchange passed quickly. Alison had managed to find a mint-condition record of the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" album. Chuck loved it, of course, and Dusty mouthed the words "Thank you" to Alison. Ronon immediately examined and then grinned at the knife Dusty bought for him in the knife shop, and Lorne was thrilled with the expensive paintbrush set Carson found. Amanda bought Anne a nice leather belt with a large, decorative buckle that had cost almost as much as the record Alison had purchased. Sheppard laughed when Anne pulled out the snowboard that she'd found for him, and Teyla instantly opened the tub of gourmet popcorn Chuck got her. But the best gift of the day—minus the watches—was Lorne's gift for Dusty. The Marine opened a box ostensibly filled with packages of bubble gum. She found a Beyonce album in the middle, however, which resulted in shouts of laughter as she sputtered.
"How did you know?" Dusty asked when she could speak again.
Lorne raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I have my ways, Sergeant."
The group broke up to dress for the day, and Carson found Alison standing on their balcony about thirty minutes later. The bright sun was out, but she didn't notice much as she fiddled with the band of her watch. It glittered in the sunshine, and she idly cast its reflection on the railing as she thought.
"Penny for them," Carson said softly.
Alison grinned at his voice, learning to not startle whenever he was around. "Sorry. I was just thinking about something you said the other night."
His brow lowered. "What did I say?"
"You asked what I wanted." She turned and met his eyes. "You said that night wasn't for decisions, but you talked a lot about your decision to go to Esperanza and work there. When I asked if you'd be leaving Esperanza, you asked what I would want."
"I remember." He nodded. "I still want to know what you'd want."
She sighed deeply. "Honestly, I'm not sure." She crossed her arms. "I like being at home. I like the slower pace, the predictability of life there. Knowing that you're coming into the coffee shop at lunch time, knowing that I can run down the street to the clinic, Mom cooking, seeing everyone. I like having that. But. . . ."
He nodded again. "Aye, I know what you mean." He joined her at the railing, bracing his elbows on it as he looked out over the landscape. "There's a certain thrill to living and working in Atlantis. I miss it."
Alison smiled at that. "I do, too." She shook her head. "I never thought I would, but being home for the holidays has really brought that out in me. I miss being out there, going to other planets and not knowing what's waiting around the bend. But, I also miss home, too."
Carson turned to look at her, his eyes sober. "It's nice to have a place to go home to that's safe."
She agreed with a nod.
"So, what did ye decide?"
Alison shook her head. "I don't know." She faced him. "Being here, with you, really showed me some things I want in life. But I'm heading back to the SGC soon. Back to work there, and you're in Esperanza now. I can't have both."
He reached out and took her hands in his. "Ali-love, don't discount anything before it happens. Give us a chance to work this out."
"I'm trying," she said, hating the tears that gathered in her eyes. "Carson, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose that. But what will we have with me on Atlantis and you in Esperanza?"
He looked at their hands intertwined together. "The last time I remember havin' this conversation, I was the one stayin' behind on Atlantis as Cadman left."
"What did you decide then?"
"I didn't. She did." He heaved a sigh. "As much as I want to leave this decision to you, I cannae let that happen. I love you too much."
Alison stepped into his arms, then, laying her head on his chest. "When I came home, it wasn't to fall in love."
"I know." He held her for a long time, his hands rubbing up and down her shoulders in a comforting rhythm. Alison breathed in the smell of him, smiling at the crisp scent that she would always associate with Carson Beckett.
Finally, she looked up at him, tipping her head back. "I don't want to go home." It came out in a whine, but he understood.
"Neither do I, love."
They said nothing else for the next thirty minutes, just held one another and enjoyed the closeness. Neither of them offered solutions to their dilemma, and Alison was grateful for that. She knew they'd figure out their relationship and where it was headed, but she also knew he wouldn't rush her decisions. And, with Carson in her life, she had some big decisions to make. She just hoped that, when the time came, she made the right ones.
~TBC