A/N

Many thanks to fardareismai2 for pre-reading and editing and to my awesome beta Fr333bird! :)

This is a little angsty as for this PWP ;)

8.

For the next few days everything appeared to get back to normal. We went to work, came back home, fucked, ate, watched TV, fucked, slept, kissed, held hands and snuggled together. But underneath it all there was something growing – especially in Jasper. He was withdrawn and didn't talk much. He also spent more time in his room, playing music, doing whatever he was doing there. We tried not to disturb him, leaving him to whatever thinking he needed to do. I knew that he couldn't get over people judging us. He felt very protective about both me and Edward, and wanted to shield us from any kind of emotional turmoil we could ever suffer.

On the last weekend of that month Edward went to a medical convention. For some reason he was very anxious about leaving us alone, asking us a thousand times if we'd be okay without him.

"Behave yourselves, kids," he told us, before kissing us both and leaving, his suitcase making a scratchy noise on the corridor's floor. We waved goodbye to him and closed the door. The silence that immediately covered us was almost 'touchable'.

"What do you want to do?" we asked at the same time.

"Jinx, joke - you owe me a coke!" I said and we both laughed. Jasper pulled me to him and wrapped me tight in his arms.

"Let's just watch TV and have an early night, okay?" he said.

"Okay. I'll make us sandwiches." I walked to the kitchen to fetch us something nice to eat.

Later that night I sat on the couch in between Jasper's legs, while he stroked my arms and stomach gently. We were watching something on TV, but I wasn't paying attention, almost drifting into sleep, wrapped in the warmth of his body.

"What do you dream of?" Jasper asked, out of the blue.

"Like now?"

"No. In general. What do you want from your life?"

"I don't know. I've never thought about it. A good job, a house, kids, I don't know. Nothing in particular," I answered, without giving it much thought.

Jasper didn't respond, he just kissed me on the top of my head and embraced me more tightly. Now I couldn't concentrate on the movie at all – not with his smell surrounding me like that. I was examining his forearms instead, admiring the hint of gold in his skin, his long, well defined muscles, visible veins. I loved Edward's strong but skinny arms and long, elegant fingers, but I also thought I could come just from looking at Jasper's hands and arms moving over my body.

"What are you doing?" Jasper chuckled behind me. I'd leaned over his arms and now I was practically tracing his skin with my lips.

"I just love your hands and arms so much," I admitted.

"You must be dreaming already. Come on, let me take you to bed." He took my hand and I followed him, turning off the lights on the way. I took my turn in the bathroom and jumped into the bed, wrapping myself in the sheets.

"Are you asleep?" Jasper asked me, slipping under the covers, bringing me closer and kissing my neck. He smelled like summer and soap and amber.

"Yes," I murmured and chuckled, but I ground my ass into him, trying to snuggle more. He kept kissing my neck, while his fingers were gently stroking my arms, stomach, hip. Then he moved his hand between my legs, urging me to open them for him. I turned my head toward him to kiss him. It felt different than usual with Jasper, not hurried, but soft. Maybe it was like that because Edward wasn't here and we had all night to enjoy just the two of us.

"Bella?" Jasper broke the kiss, pushing on my hips to make me turn to him more.

"Hm?"

"I love you. I really do," There was a strange hint to his voice, a feeling of sadness or desperation, and for some reason it scared me.

"Yes," I answered seriously, trying to find in his eyes what was wrong. "I love you too, you know it, right?"

Jasper closed his eyes to that, and for a long moment he was completely still. I started to worry, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have told him that, but before I could dwell on it Jasper was kissing me again, stroking my arms, before moving his hands up to cup my face and kiss me deeper, while he pressed into me with whole his body. I could feel his desperation – in the way he gathered me in his arms, almost crushing my bones, like he was afraid I'd vanish, and in his kisses, hard now, tongue shoving inside my mouth, searching for mine. He kept pushing into me, grinding me into the bed, rubbing his erection over me.

"Jasper, slow down, baby. I'm here and we've got all the time you want, okay?"

"Okay." He smiled and gave me some air, while I placed my hands on his back, reveling in the smooth, warm skin, bringing my palms to his gorgeous ass and then reaching with my hand to guide his cock into me while pressing with the other on his hip, bringing him closer.

We both gasped when he entered me all the way. And then we just moved slowly and gently, as if trying to not break us both and find the never-ending connection. I gripped his arms hard when I was coming and he waited for me before moving again, just a few times before I felt him pulse inside me. He buried his face in my hair, panting. When he slipped out of me, his cum leaving a wet trail on my thigh, he murmured, "I miss you already," and squeezed me again. His breath was shaky, as if he was crying, but I didn't dare to ask so I just stroked his back and arms and allowed him to hold me as tight as he needed.

"***"

I woke up to a sound of a beep from my phone. Jasper wasn't in the bed which was strange because when I took a glimpse at the clock it read a little bit after six a.m. Not exactly Jasper's time to get up, even if he wanted to go for a run. I reached for my mobile to see a text coming in – from Jasper. When I opened it my heart stopped.

I can't be with you anymore. Tell E I'm sorry.

"Oh, no, no!" I said out loud. "No, no, Jasper, you can't do this!"

I dialed his number but it went straight to voice mail. I dialed again and again. Then I left him a message, "Jasper, please baby, please call me. This is so wrong, you can't leave us. I love you, please call me back."

But I knew Jasper well enough to know that he wasn't coming back or calling back. Now I understood his strange questions about my dreams, the goodbye look on his face when we were making love, his silent behavior during those last weeks.

It was already almost seven a.m. so I called Edward.

"Jasper's gone," I blurted out right away when he picked up the phone.

"What?" Edward's voice was muffled.

"He's gone, he's left us. He texted he was sorry." I sobbed into the phone.

There was a long silence on the other side and finally Edward let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"Fuck," he said. "I knew it was coming."

"How come?" How could he see it and I didn't?

"I'll be home soon, try calling Alice, see if she knows something. I'll be right back and we'll think what to do."

When Edward opened the door, a little bit after midday, I was sitting on the kitchen floor, curled next to the cupboards, still sobbing. He didn't say anything, just sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I think he was crying too, because I felt dampness on my neck.

"I tried calling everyone," he said quietly. "No one knows anything, not even his parents. His phone goes straight to voicemail, I left him a message."

"Me too."

"Tell me," Edward pleaded, brushing the hair out of my face before he slipped his arm under my knees and picked me up, taking me to the bedroom and placing me on the bed.

"What?"

"Tell me exactly what happened." He covered me with a blanket.

"We made love, he told me that he loved me, I told him I loved him too." I started crying again. "Why would that make him go away?"

Edward sat up on the bed, making more mess in his hair.

"Fucked if I know. And before? Did he say anything – I don't know – unusual?"

"Well, he asked me what I wanted out of my life. I said nothing really – house, kids, just a normal life." And then it struck me. "And – no, no – he must think there isn't a place for him in all this… Oh God, it's all my fault!"

"No, Bella, it's really not your fault. It would have happened anyway."

But my sense of guilt lingered between us, heavy and painful. And no matter how many times Edward would try to convince me that it wasn't my fault Jasper had left, I knew I hadn't helped him stay either. And Jasper just vanished. No trail, no one knew anything about him, nothing. Even Alice – the ever knowing so sure of her intuition Alice – couldn't locate him and just hugged me, apologetically, not sure what to say, and squeezed my hand, before turning to Edward, repeating the ritual.

"***"

During the weeks that followed Jasper's disappearance, nothing felt right anymore. Edward and I tried to find solace in ourselves, in our bodies, but it felt like we were just going through the motions.

One night Edward came home so tired from the hospital and saw me standing in the kitchen in my underwear, making tea. He just grabbed my hips, pulling me roughly against him. He bit my neck and pushed his hand in my panties, opening me up for him with impatient fingers, while at the same time unbuttoning his trousers with the other hand, stroking himself to hardness, and entering me from behind.

He pounded into me, pressing me to the counter, hitching my leg to get a better angle, push deeper, harder. One, two, three additional thrusts and he was coming, his cries muffled in my hair.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his breath ragged and immediately I thought about Jasper in the same situation not so long ago. Something clenched in my chest and I felt like crying too. Edward dragged me to the ground, his cum trickling slowly on my thighs and tiled floor as he held me, stroking my hair and apologizing, while I was trying to tell him, "It's okay. Really, baby. I know. I know."

How had we done it together before Jasper came into the equation? We must have been happy before, right? Why couldn't it be enough for us to have each other now? His absence was as touchable as his presence before, always between us, dividing us. And without Jasper gluing this whole thing together we were drifting apart more and more.

It was visible in the way we sat on the couch – as if leaving the space for him in between us, or the way we slept together – pressed tight to each other on one side of the bed, or even in the position of our toothbrushes in the bathroom. Whatever was once between Edward and I, was lost along with Jasper.

"We can do it," Edward said, threading our fingers together on one of the nights when we just sat silently, trying to pretend we were watching TV. "We can do this," he repeated. But it sounded almost like a question, like he'd already given up on us.

"***"

"Edward, can you get the door?" I shouted from the bathroom, trying to tie my hair in front of the mirror. I had no idea who it could be at this hour, probably a neighbor wanting to borrow a screwdriver or something.

"Edward?" I asked again, walking out of the bathroom, taking a glance to see why he was so quiet. And, fuck! There he was standing at the door.

"Jasper," I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.

He looked tired, thinner, his hair longer, lips a tight line, shoulders slumped down in defeat. Edward was holding the door, not letting him in.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said.

Edward let the door go and swoosh – down to the ground Jasper went as Edward's fist connected with his jaw with a loud thud. I stood there, shocked and rooted to the spot, watching Edward crouching down on the floor, not sure if he was going to punch Jasper more or hug him as he reached for Jasper with a frantic expression on his face.

"You fucking idiot," Edward shouted, but his voice was already breaking. "You fucking moron, how could you do this? Do you have any fucking idea how…?" He couldn't finish, gathering Jasper in his arms, waving to me to come closer, to do something, anything, help him out.

My legs finally listened to my brain and I ran towards them, knelt beside them, placing my hand on Jasper's cheek, trying to assess the damage –if there was any. I knew I should be angry as well, that I should want to hit him too, but all I felt was overwhelming gratitude – for whatever force brought him back to us. I buried my nose in him, breathing in, moving my hands over his body, reassuring myself he was really here – alive and well, and back.

"I'm sorry," Jasper repeated, smiling a bit. Then even though he wasn't forgiven, he might never be completely forgiven, he was being dragged inside by us, door closing, and hands tugging on his clothes. I looked up at Edward and saw it in his eyes too – the relief, the sunshine behind the clouds, the 'fucking finally'.

"***"

"Where were you?" Edward asked when Jasper was finally up and sitting on the couch now, holding a wrapped package of frozen baby-carrots to his quickly swelling cheek.

"Texas."

"But I called your parents, they said you weren't there," Edward disagreed.

"I was at Peter's."

"Peter's?" Edward repeated, annoyed, his voice cold.

"Yeah, remember, I told you I met him…"

"I remember," Edward cut him off.

"It's not like that," Jasper whispered, lowering his head, not looking at us.

During the whole time I stood there, fiddling with a bottle of coke I'd brought along with the carrots, not knowing why.

"So tell me, how's that exactly, Jasper?" Edward huffed. "Because to me it looks like you were trying to escape and found your safe shore in Peter's welcoming arms."

Jasper mumbled something and Edward asked, loudly, "What? I can't hear you?"

I felt like an intruder, a child listening to parents quarrel, a witness.

"I said he wasn't even there," Jasper snapped. "I was staying at Peter's, not with Peter. At his parent's house, helping them out, repairing stuff and all."

"How come you're back?" I asked him softly, sitting down next to him.

"Alice came. She found me, don't ask me why. I came back from the field and she just… was there, waiting for me at the front porch with a cup of tea in her hand. We talked… I had no idea." Jasper said, calmer now.

"No idea?" I tried to understand.

"That… You wanted me. That it doesn't matter to you."

"What doesn't matter?"

Jasper made a vague gesture with his hand.

"People, what they think… us – being against the rules. I just wanted you to be happy, without the complications I inflicted on you. I wanted you to have the future you deserve – a normal life, house, kids."

"You had no right to decide for us, Jasper," Edward said bitterly. But the fact was that we both understood Jasper, and there was no point in questioning him more, just as there was no point in asking Alice how she knew where to look for him in the end, and what to tell Jasper to make him come back.

So we just tugged on Jasper's sleeves and took him to the bedroom, undressing him on the way and trying to re-acquaint ourselves with his body. As though we could somehow bury the lost time and all the tears in the warmth that was spreading through us along with the return of our boy.

"I missed you so much," Edward said, gently pushing Jasper down on the bed, shutting his eyes tight because – I knew – he was still angry and shaky. But right now he just wanted to show Jasper that he was welcomed back, that we wanted him back – no matter what he'd done.

"Do you want this?" Edward added, hesitating over Jasper.

"Yes," Jasper answered simply. "I've missed you too. Both of you."

I kissed Jasper, trying to avoid the cut on his lips, to not hurt him more, before I placed my hands on his neck, feeling his pulse under my fingers. Then I kissed the same spot and admiring the quickened thump thump on my lips. I moved lower to the softness of his stomach and lower still, palming his erection, already eager to take him in my mouth, to remind myself of his taste.

Edward slowly pushed Jasper's legs apart and whilst I was moving my tongue over Jasper's cock Edward slicked his fingers with lube and pressed them to Jasper's hole, circling them – making Jasper curse under his breath – before pushing them in, first one, then two, and pumping them, slowly, deliberately - then deeper, harder.

"Oh God," Jasper panted and Edward withdrew his fingers, reached to his own cock to tug on it, cup the head of it, slicken it, too, with lube and pre-cum. Jasper gasped and clenched his hands on my arms when Edward entered him, bare, gently but with certainty. I watched them in awe for a moment – Edward withdrawing and thrusting back, deep, and coming back for more of Jasper, and then more again, their hands clasped tight together – before I felt Jasper reaching for me, murmuring, "Please, Bella, I need to feel you too."

So I pushed a little on their arms, letting them know how I needed them to shift the position and lie to make room for me. I pressed myself against Jasper, my whole body aligned totally with his – breasts touching his chest, belly to belly, my pussy rubbing over his cock, which was now throbbing, hard and leaking wetness on my curls. I reached for it with my hand, turning my face up, asking Jasper, "Like this?"

And with Jasper's whispered, "yeah," I buried him deep in my pussy and barely even had time to move before I felt him still and then pulse, spilling inside me. He was still gripping me with force when I heard Edward gasping Jasper's name behind his back and grabbing my hand too, as if he wanted to show me that he was coming, too, and needed me to hold him in one piece.

For a while we lay there without moving, their breathing still ragged, but then I felt Jasper slip from me while he moved his fingers between our bodies, sliding them easily over my pussy with all the dampness there – my own moisture and Jasper's cum mixing together. But Edward pushed Jasper's hand away and scooted down between my legs, licking the seeping cum and thrusting his fingers inside me. I opened my eyes wide when I was coming, staring into Jasper's, with my mouth open, soundless.

We gathered ourselves together after, as close as possible, whispering hushed, 'I love you's', and I realized that it was probably the first time I'd heard my boys saying it to each other.

I knew that sex was no way to solve problems and that there would be a lot of talking ahead of us, but it could wait. For now we'd found our peace again, arms and legs tangled together and breath evening out while we were drifted into calming, happy dreams.

A/N

Thanks to Lynsey (lynzylee) for the "jinx" joke! :)

One more chapter to wrap this story up! :)