Merlin
Love by any other name
Part 6
The morning after the dinner, there was a slight tension in the air. Everyone could feel it, between Uther and Arthur, Arthur and Merlin, Morgana and Uther but especially Merlin and Morgana, and he had been ejected from her chambers just an hour earlier after a somewhat heated argument. So when Gwen opened the chamber doors to see Merlin standing there, she had to fight the impulse to tell him not right now.
"Gwen? Who is it?" asked Morgana from behind the dresser.
"It's me Morgana" Merlin called out, allowing Gwen to get away without lying.
"Oh, I see" her tone had lowered about ten degrees. "What do you want?" she asked.
"May I at least come in? rather than shout across the room" he called. Morgana remained silent for a moment, "Morgana?" he called again.
"I think that's not a very good idea, considering our discussion this morning" she replied curtly.
"That's why I'm here, I wanted to apologise" he said. Morgana remained silent, Merlin rolled his eyes. "Morgana you're not making this easy you know" he called, this at least elected a laugh from her.
"Oh so sorry you're feeling awkward" she replied. Merlin sighed, and then pressed some flowers into Gwen's hand.
"Fine, when you fell like talking I'll be with Arthur" he said, then turned, hobbling down the corridor.
"Don't hold your breath" Morgana muttered as Gwen closed the door.
Nimueh watched the exchange, smiling as her magic began to take effect. The spell was an old one, meant to cause chaos by seeding hatred and distrust among those it was cast on. The previous night, not long after dinner she had cast it on the sleeping forms of Uther, Arthur Merlin and Morgana, but she hadn't expected to get results so soon. But she had to admit that it probably helped that Morgana was still angry from the dinner the night before. Spells of distrust worked so much better when at least one of the people involved was already emotional. So she watched, with a faint smile on her face. The Pendragons would eventually tear themselves apart, and with the exception of a small enchantment, she hadn't needed to do a thing. Yes, she was going to enjoy watching this.
"is he gone?" asked Morgana as she stepped out from behind the dresser. Gwen looked at her as she placed the flowers in a vase. Not especially expensive things, but Gwen knew how much they would have cost at the market, and even though they were not the grandest things, they would have been expensive. Just because he was learning to be a noble, that didn't mean he had a lot of money.
"Yes my lady" she said as Morgana eyed the flowers.
"What are they?" she asked., a tinge of disgust in her voice.
"A gift from Merlin" Gwen said. Morgana wrinkled her nose.
"Then I truly have been an idiot" she said. Gwen gasped, taken aback at the comment.
"My lady, he is trying" Gwen said, then shut up at Morgana's glare.
"If you like them that much then you have them" Morgana said, moving to the dresser and sitting down. Gwen moved to her slowly, wanting to say something, anything, but not knowing what.
"What was I thinking Gwen? Believing that a person like him could ever be more than what they were?" Morgana asked. Gwen shook her head.
"My lady, you love him, more then anything, why this sudden animosity?" she asked.
"I think I woke up this morning, and I realised just what it was I was doing, Uther was correct, and I'll not often say that about him, but Merlin, he's not even a noble, just some servant boy" she said. Gwen shook her head.
"No, he has tried so hard for you, making sure he can be the best he can for you, this isn't easy for him, learning to be something he wasn't born to, but he tries, my god how he tries" she replied. Morgana raised an eyebrow at her.
"Why does it sound like my maid knows him better than I do?" she asked. Gwen shook her head.
"No, its nothing like that, Merlin and I are friends, and he is so… dedicated to you that you're all he talks about, even with the-" she cut herself off suddenly. Morgana looked up at her.
"Even with the what?" she asked. Gwen shook her head, Morgana sighed, turning in the chair to face her.
"Even with the what?" she said again.
"The insults he gets, from other nobles, even some of the knights and guards" she said.
"With his injuries, and everything he's doing they're calling him the want to be crippled noble" she said.
"What?" demanded Morgana, eyes narrowed. "Why did he never say this to me" she demanded.
"Because he doesn't want you to be upset, he tries to put it out of his mind, but sometimes, sometimes when people mutter it to him, you can see how upset he gets" Gwen said. "But he remains silent because he loves you" she finished. Morgana looked away, her eyes slightly wet.
"Thank you Gwen, that will be all" she said shortly. Gwen looked like she wanted to say more, but then bowed, and busied herself elsewhere in the room.
"Merlin you're late" said Arthur looking up as he entered the room, the crutch thumping softly on the ground.
"Sorry Arthur, I had to do something first" he apologised. Arthur shook his head, and sighed.
"When you're a noble you do realise that excuse won't cut it" said Arthur.
"I said sorry" Merlin protested as he sat himself down painfully in the seat. "What is it with everyone beating up on me this morning?" he asked.
"Merlin I am not beating up on you, if I was then you can bet you'd be back with Gaius by now" Arthur replied, sitting down. He looked up at Merlin, seeing the frown on his face and sighed sitting back.
"Okay, what's up?" he asked. Merlin sighed and shook his head.
"Its nothing" he replied. Arthur rolled his eyes.
"you say its nothing, your face however says otherwise" Arthur said. "so come on, what is it?" he asked.
"Morgana and I had an… argument this morning" Merlin admitted. Arthur nodded.
"And?" he prompted.
"And, she was… really annoyed, about dinner, and why I took yours and Uther's side over hers" he said. Arthur let out a sudden bark of a laugh.
"That's all?" he asked.
"I went to apologise, but you can imagine she wasn't in the mood for it" Merlin said.
"I see" replied Arthur quietly. Then he frowned and shook his head.
"Arthur?" Merlin asked.
"Just a headache" Arthur said, then he looked back at Merlin. "Well, I have to admit I did see this coming" Arthur stated.
"See what?" asked Merlin. Arthur shrugged,
"Well, you're not exactly well versed in the art of nobility, and then there's the fact that that for the moment your…" he gestured to the crutch. Merlin looked at it then slowly turned back to Arthur.
"Because I can't walk without it at the moment? Because I can't run around like I used to?" Merlin demanded.
"I didn't mean that" Arthur said. Merlin shook his head, then grabbed the crutch, standing.
"Merlin where are you going?" asked Arthur.
"Somewhere where I be out of the way" he snapped. "The guards Arthur, I expected something from them, even the other nobles, but you?" he shook his head, moving away as quickly as he could.
"Merlin!" yelled Arthur. But Merlin didn't answer, instead he just walked away as quickly as he could, the crutch thudding softly on the floor boards. Arthur watched him go then sat back.
"What the hell made me say that" he wondered aloud.
"What indeed Arthur Pendragon, what indeed" Muttered Nimueh as she watched, a gleeful smile on her face.
Gaius looked up as Merlin entered the room, hobbling past him.
"Merlin?" he asked, watching as the boy hobbled towards his room.
"I'm fine Gaius, I just want to be left alone" he said, as he closed the door. Gaius raised his eyebrows then shook his head, before slowly moving to the door and opening it. Merlin looked up as he entered.
"Does anyone listen to me?" Merlin protested. Gaius shook his head and moved over to him.
"Not if they care about you, no" the old man said, sitting next to him. "Now what's this all about? You should be with Arthur" he said.
"That is the last place I should be right now" Merlin replied. Gaius shook his head slowly.
"Merlin, he's only doing what's best for you" Gaius said. Merlin looked at him, then away.
"So calling me a cripple is good for me" he muttered. Gaius frowned, then shook his head.
"He said that?" his tone was shocked.
"As good as" Merlin admitted. Gaius sat there blinking for several moments. "Am I really that useless?" Merlin asked suddenly. Gaius looked at him.
"Merlin, never, ever think that, and just because a person is crippled, don't think that means they are useless for a second, they can be productive members of society" he said. "Besides, your injuries will heal in time I assure you" the old man said. Merlin looked at him.
"I just feel like I'm starting to let everyone down, Arthur, Morgana, You, even Uther, but he hasn't said anything to me yet"
"Merlin, no matter what you believe, you haven't let anyone down" Gaius said softly. Merlin sighed and leant into Gaius shoulder as the old man put a comforting arm around him.
"Where's Merlin?" asked Morgana as she entered Arthur's room. Seeing the prince writing at his desk but not Merlin. Arthur looked up at her.
"He's not here" he said.
"I can see that Arthur, I'm not stupid" she said. Arthur stood and shrugged.
"He came in earlier, but left" he said. Morgana tilted her head at him.
"Why?" she asked. Arthur shrugged.
"I made a comment, I didn't mean to, it just slipped out" he said. Morgana shook her head.
"What did you say to him?" she demanded.
"Oh I can't remember" he tried, the look on her face showed how much she believed that.
"Try again" she said, her voice low.
"Morgana, it was just a…." He sighed. "I guess I basically called him a cripple, and that sooner or later you'd notice" he said. Morgana's jaw dropped open.
"What were you thinking?" she demanded. Arthur shook his head.
"I wasn't, like I said it just slipped out, I knew it was wrong even as I spoke" he said. Morgana spun away from him, walking to the door.
"If its any consolation Arthur apparently that's all anyone sees about him" she sneered, then stormed out. Arthur took a deep breath, then threw the quill he was holding onto the table.
Gaius looked up for the second time as Morgana opened the door, walking in, looking around.
"My lady, can I help you?" he asked softly. Morgana smiled and stepped forwards.
"Sorry Gaius, I was wondering if Merlin was here" she said. Gaius nodded.
"He's asleep, apparently he's had quite a day morning" he explained. Morgana nodded.
"He told you? About our argument?" she asked softly. Gaius shook his head.
"You argued?" he asked. Morgana slowly nodded.
"Please, tell him I was here" she said softly. Gaius smiled and then stood.
"I can be a very careful listener if you want to talk" he offered. Morgana looked at him then smiled.
"I would never presume" she began. Gaius gestured to the empty stool that Merlin usually used when he sat for supper.
"I'll boil some water" he said. She smiled at him and sat, her mind wondering as Gaius prepared some tea for them. Slowly he sat down opposite her, handing her a mug.
"thank you Gaius" she said.
"Now, what did you argue about?" he asked. Morgana began to talk, and Gaius listened. Eventually the topic moved to other things, her feelings for Merlin a not insubstantial part of. And eventually when she finished, the tea had gone cold.
"Oh my dear child" Said Gaius softly when she had finished. "I envy you in a way" he said. Morgana frowned.
"Envy me?" she asked.
"The love you have for him, of course you will have disagreements, that is the nature of love child, you must learn to take the bad with the good" he said. "one argument does not mean the end of the relationship" he added. "You work through it, and emerge from it better, stronger than you were before. Merlin has never been brought up for the life he is learning, that is true, but likewise, you we're never expecting to fall in love with him. Its called adjusting, it will take time, but I have faith you'll both get there in the end." he said. Morgana smiled and reached out, taking Gaius's hand, gripping it tightly.
"I know we will" she said. Gaius returned the smile as she stood. "thank you Gaius, for everything" she said, he bowed as he stood.
"It was no bother my lady, but please, if you need to talk, then always remember I am here" he said. Morgana smiled to him again, then with a last glance at Merlin's door, left the pharmacy.
It was late when Merlin awoke, looking out of the window at the stars outside. Slowly he yawned and then carefully sat up. He reached for his crutch, then the memories of the morning came rushing back to him.
"Myself, I can do this myself" he said. He had attempted to use magic to heal his injuries, but despite some mild pain relief it hadn't worked. Gaius had put forwards the idea that because the wounds had been inflicted as part of a magical ritual, that might have had something to do with it. Then he had pointed out that if he suddenly became well overnight, Uther would go from supportive to suspicious within a few moments. Merlin couldn't argue with that logic. So now, in the dead of night, he held onto the wall for support, step hopping to the window, looking out across the sleeping city. The breeze cooled him slightly, and he closed his eyes briefly, letting it wash over him, for just a moment, then he pulled back inside, hopping to his dresser, sitting on the rickety wooden chair he owned. Of course being a servant he didn't have a mirror to look at, but that didn't matter. He sat there for several minutes, feeling the dull ache returning to his leg, absently he put his hand on his leg, then looked around his room, seeing the clothes Morgana had given him for the dinner the previous night. Slowly he stood again, using the wall for support as he moved over, picking up his servant's clothes, before slowly dressing. Morgana would, of course, kill him for waking her at this hour, but he couldn't stand the way things were between them at the moment. Arthur, however was another matter, and that had hurt him more deeply then he cared to admit. But then, he supposed it was a good thing he didn't love Arthur. So, dressed in his servant's clothes, he hopped out of the room, minus his crutch, determined to do this, if not for himself, then for Morgana. The room outside was dark, Gaius snoring softly on his own bed. Merlin remembered once asking him why he slept out here, to which Gaius had replied that, being the court Physician, he never knew when he might be called, and it was easier if someone could just open the door and call him, rather than tiptoe across the room. Merlin put this out of his mind, as he hop-stepped across the room, to the other door, before he opened it, and moved into the hall, aware that the ache in his leg was now a pounding thump. He paused briefly at the end of the hall, leaning on the wall.
"I can do this" he muttered softly. Then with a deep breath looked down the spiral staircase, before he gripped the wall has best he could and made his way down. It was difficult enough with the crutch, let alone with only the wall for support, but he made it, looking down the long hallway at the bottom. He rested for a moment, then, nodding to himself, began to make his way up the hall.
Morgana stirred in her sleep, Merlin sitting on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair gently. He had come to speak to her, but it seemed for once she was in a peaceful sleep, so instead he just sat there watching her, a small smile on his face.
"I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me" he said gently, so as not to wake her. But she did turn and opened one eye sleepily. Then the other one.
"Merlin?" she asked, blinking away her sleep.
"Sorry, I had to see you, I didn't mean to wake you" he said, she shook her head and sat up.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but, why are you here? At this ungodly hour?" she asked. Merlin shrugged.
"I missed you" he said simply. Slowly she smiled, sitting back in her bed.
"And you couldn't have waited until sunrise to tell me this?" she teased. Merlin smiled in return.
"It kind of felt important when I woke up, now, it just seems a really stupid thing to have done" he admitted.
"No" she said shaking her head. "I don't think so at all" Merlin smiled again then reached over, kissing her gently.
"You should sleep, wouldn't do to have the kings Ward wondering why you're half asleep at breakfast" he said.
"No, not at all" she agreed, then took his hand. "but thank you" she said. Merlin shook his head and then stood, gripping the bed for support.
"I'll see you in the morning" he told her. Morgana nodded, but was frowning.
"Merlin, where's your crutch?" she asked. Merlin shrugged.
"I forgot it" he replied, as he hopped quickly to the wall by the door.
"You left it behind didn't you" she guessed. Merlin nodded at her.
"Why would you do that?" she asked.
"because I don't want people seeing that when they look at me. I want them to see me" he said.
"Is this about what Arthur said?" she asked. Merlin shook his head.
"no, its just something I had to do" he said, looking at her. Morgana shook her head.
"You are a prat" she said, then she smiled. "But a lovable one"
"I don't know if that was a compliment or not" he said, grinning as Morgana chuckled.
"Go, sleep" he told her.
"you'll be alright?" she asked.
"I got here, beside its easier going upstairs then down" he said.
"It is?"
"You can't fall all the way upstairs" he said with a cheeky grin, hen he was gone, hobbling out of the room, Morgana smiling as he went. Slowly she laid back down, soon drifting off into a contented sleep.
Halfway down the hall Merlin stopped, leaning on the wall, gripping his leg which was exploding in agony. Biting his bottom lip he turned and began to hop step again along the corridor. He made it as far as the audience chamber, which was when his leg gave out, and he ended up sprawled on the floor. Taking a deep breath he pushed himself to his knees, wincing at the pain. Then realised someone was standing in front of him. Slowly he looked up to see Gaius there, shaking his head.
"You never cease to amaze me" Gaius said flatly as he knelt down to help him stand.
"Actually, I'm kind of amazed at myself" Merlin said.
"At what?" asked Gaius. "the fact you made it to Morgana's chambers and halfway back before you collapsed?" he asked.
"No, that I had such a stupid idea" he replied.
"So our little friend wants to be the hero of his lady. Maybe I should help him" Nimueh whispered as she watched, her tone implying anything but help. Then waving her hand over the font, her eyes began to glow.
"Slasta vinto, chanam, sorbed nor, tastla mon shor nava" she intoned. Then she smiled.
"Lets see how you all deal with this little catastrophe" she muttered.
"Here, this should help the pain" said Gaius handing him an orange coloured drink. Merlin took it and knocked it back, then gagged.
"What was that?" he asked, his face screwing up.
"Trust me, its better you not know" said Gaius, then he shook his head. "What were you thinking?" he demanded.
"I just wanted to prove that I could do it, move without the crutch" he said.
"Merlin I gave you that for a reason, as it is your lucky you didn't cause yourself further harm" Gaius admonished, then he sighed and shook his head. "I will never understand young people in love" he muttered.
"Gaius, have there ever been someone for you?" Merlin asked. Gaius paused then nodded.
"A long time ago, a woman, a healer like me" he said.
"What happened?" asked Merlin.
"The purge"
"Oh, I didn't mean-" Merlin said, shocked. Gaius looked at him and shook his head.
"Oh she escaped, and I think she's still alive" he added. Merlin nodded, then frowned as the alarm bells began to chime. Gaius moved to the window even as a dark shape flew over it.
"Gaius what is it?" asked Merlin.
"I'm not sure, there's something out there though" he said, when suddenly a reptilian face appeared, screeching at the window. Gaius stepped back as the glass shattered inwards. It gave two more screeches, then withdrew, flying high.
"Wyverns?" exclaimed Gaius, even as he turned, Merlin was moving quickly down from his room, crutch under his arm.
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
"Morgana, I have to make sure she's safe!" Merlin cried out.
"Get the archers up on the battlements!" roared Arthur from the courtyard, Uther beside him, as they attacked the beasts that had landed. Wyverns we're tough creatures, distant cousins to Dragons, but on a much smaller scale.
"What the hell are they doing here?" demanded Uther. "Wyvern's never come this far inland" he added as one of the beasts finally fell.
"Morgana!" Yelled Merlin, seeing a guard sent hurtling from her room to land heavily on the floor outside. Merlin hobbled over, grabbing the sword from his limp hand, even as Morgana screamed from in the room. He hobbled in to see her large window smashed in, a Wyvern advancing on her.
"Get away from her!" Merlin roared. The beast turned to him, screeching, raking out with its claws which he battered away as best he could. Morgana meanwhile had managed to grab her own sword, and was now at his side.
"You're just full of surprises" she said as they beat the beast back. Beside her Merlin grunted as he lashed out, slicing one of the beasts legs.
"You don't know the half of it" he replied as the beast screeched at them. It backed away, from them, screeching again as it did so, Merlin and Morgana continued to advance on it, even as behind them Arthur and Uther ran in.
"Morgana!" yelled Uther, his concern taking over.
"A bit busy here!" she called back, suddenly the beast roared and fell back through the window, Merlin's sword embedded in it. He watched for a few moments, then his leg gave out again, and he tumbled to the floor. Morgana grabbing him quickly.
"Wow, who taught you to fight like that?" asked Arthur. Merlin looked up at him.
"You did, I might have been the target, doesn't mean I don't pick stuff up" he said. Arthur shook his head, even as outside the Wyvern's flew off into the night.
"Not bad for a cripple huh?" Merlin asked as Morgana helped him to stand.
"Merlin, I didn't mean that, you I know I – LOOK OUT!" Yelled Arthur, Uther had his sword drawn and was rushing forwards, but it was too late as both Merlin and Morgana were grabbed from behind by a pair of claws, and roughly pulled out of the room. Uther and Arthur ran forwards, watching as the two Wyvern's flew off into the night, Morgana and Merlin with them. Uther roared and turned to Arthur
"find them!" he ordered. Arthur nodded and ran from the room, while Uther turned back to the window, but already the two Wyverns were out of sight.
To Be continued….
Author's note: okay I know this chapter was a bit sentimental, and was the most difficult one for me to write, (I admit I cried while I wrote it) focusing more on Merlin's current disability, but I lost a friend earlier in the year who was disabled, and a huge Merlin fan. She was the most kind hearted soul you could know, and this chapter is my dedication to her:- Stacey, hope you like it.
- Xand.