I'm sorry guys. You can totally rag on my lazy ass for being so slow on updates. :/
Chapter 12
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Keane- Somewhere Only We Know
"Tell me again what happened." Alice said hoarsely. Her eyes darted around the table to make sure no one was listening before leaning closer to Hermione.
"Well you know those chocolates that I got for my birthday. I wasn't planning on eating them but Lily found them and ate through the whole thing in one sitting and well….they had firewhiskey in them…"
"No!"
"Yes." Hermione wasn't one to gossip but it wasn't gossip if Lily was sitting right next to her was it? Lily raised her head. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was pale.
"Never again. Never ever… never again!" Lily looked around at the food and her pallor turned an alarming green color. "Oh Godric. I'm gonna be sick."
"No no no don't do that!" Alice glanced at the High table and professors, who weren't even interested in the dilemma at the Gryffindor table.
"Why does it have to be so damn bright in here?" Lily glared up at the sunny ceiling. The sun was shining brilliantly through a cloudless sky and filling the Hall with a kind of 'warmth'. For about the millionth time since her first year Hermione wondered how it did that since it was just a ceiling and it must be a pretty amazing bit of magic to recreate the sun's warmth but that wasn't really important at the moment.
"I wasn't about to drag her through the halls in the middle of the night so we had to stay in the Room of Requirement." Hermione continued and gently rubbed Lily's back. The poor girl groaned.
"With all the Marauders!" Alice was astonished but her cheeks had a distinct pink tinge to them. "Why do you two have all the fun eh? You didn't even think of your poor roommate the whole time did you?"
"Neither of us had much fun." Hermione reasoned. "And there was this moment…Sirius and Remus had a row and after that the night was just awkward and tense."
"A row?" Alice raised her eyebrows and dropped her fork. "Like with actual yelling?"
"Well yes…" Hermione was amused by Alice's disbelieving expression. "Actually Remus did most of the yelling."
"Remus? Yelling?"
"He more…raised his voice."
"Raised…his voice? This is Remus we're talking about?"
"Godric Alice, how many times am I going to have to tell you the same thing?"
"Right. Sorry. It's just very unusual."
At that moment the Marauders entered the Great Hall. They were boisterous and seemed completely healthy and headed toward the three sixth year Gryffindors. Sirius and James seemed to be congratulating each other, laughing and slapping each other's backs. Remus and Peter were amused and were shaking their heads and rolling their eyes. Every person in the Great Hall was staring and whispering. Wondering if they were about to be pranked since the Marauders were pretty pleased with themselves.
Hermione had never noticed before but Remus was very graceful. His legs were long and he barely put an effort into crossing the great room. A smile graced his scarred face and Hermione frowned. Strange how you could know a person for years and never notice something as silly as how graceful their walk was or how their smile brought life to their features.
"What's wrong with her?" Sirius asked as he sat across from Hermione. He looked at Lily pointedly and Hermione's jaw dropped. "Why's she so green?"
"W-w-what?" Hermione voice was shrill in anger. "You idiot! It's your fault!" And she slapped the back of his head.
"Ow! Bloody hell Hermione!"
"It's not any less than you deserve with how much alcohol you poured into Lily last night."
"Geez love, just give her a Sobering Potion. She'll be fine." Sirius went back to his breakfast as if nothing was wrong and Hermione gaped at him.
Men. She thought viciously.
Remus watched the exchange in silence. His face darkening but he fought to control his anger. The full moon was only a few days away and he was finding it difficult to stay calm, even more than usual. His outburst at Sirius was only proof of that. He hid his blush by taking a swig of pumpkin juice and turning toward James.
"Here, Lily. It's pretty disgusting so you'll want to take it with your juice." James took a vial from his bag as he spoke and dumped it into her goblet.
"Thank you." She whispered and clutched her head as she reached for the goblet. It was saying something for how far Lily and James relationship had improved that she didn't question if the potion he'd given her was a love potion.
She sipped the goblet and immediately spit it all over Sirius who was sitting across from her.
Sirius almost knocked the table over when he leapt up and frantically swiped at his robes. "Damnit it Red!"
"I am so so so sorry. But that was disgusting what is in that!"
James was laughing uncontrollably, his hands slapping the Gryffindor's table and Remus was snorting into his pumpkin juice. "You sound better already." A few other Gryffindors around them were laughing as well and Hermione sighed and flicked her wand, performing a simple cleaning spell silently. Sirius' robes and surrounding area were cleared of the offending potion.
At that moment the Hall was filled with the morning owls and Hermione missed Sirius word of thanks. Absently Hermione searched through the flock for the mysterious snowy owl and was almost knocked from her chair with shock when she saw it flying toward the Gryffindor's table. It had to be the same one, a snow white owl wasn't exactly common and even though she'd only seen it for a split second outside their dorm window the bird was similar to Hedwig in almost every way.
In awe, Hermione watched the owl fly closer and closer and then land gracefully in front of her plate. It stuck out its leg but not towards her but to James who gently untied the letter and flicked a piece of sausage to the large bird of prey.
"I-is that your owl James?" Hermione hissed, her eyes were wide and stared at the sleek owl in amazement.
"Of course! She's been in the family for ages. Haven't you, Kaia?" He tickled the bird's wing gently and she puffed her chest before spreading her wings and soaring away.
Breathless, Hermione finished her breakfast. What an amazing coincidence. Or more likely Hagrid must have known that Harry's father had a white owl and it was why he had picked Hedwig for Harry in their first year. It touched her that Hagrid wanted something so small for Harry to share with his father and she brushed the tears from her eyes impatiently. What a silly thing to cry over.
"Mother sends her love Sirius." James waved the letter that the owl had brought him. "and your motorcycles magazine." He held a glossy magazine with a bright red motorcycle on the front, just out of Sirius' reach.
"I forgot I changed the address! Mother dearest would've used them for firewood. Good of Dorea to send them though." Sirius snatched the magazine away and began immediately flicking through the pages. "I can't wait to get out of here and get one for myself." Sirius sighed and stopped at a page.
Curious, Hermione leaned forward and looked at the motorcycle Sirius was admiring. She smirked and had a wicked idea. "A muggle motorcycle? How daring." Remus snorted and James and Lily looked at Hermione questioningly. She didn't usually bait Sirius so obviously and Sirius was not someone to take baiting sitting down.
"You don't like motorcycles love?" Sirius sounded off-hand but Hermione could hear the annoyance in his tone and she smirked even more, if it was possible.
"Oh they're alright. Rather inefficient way of travel for wizards don't you think?"
"No." Sirius muttered and buried his head further into his magazine.
"Now if it could fly! That would be something now wouldn't it?" Hermione had to suppress a laugh as Sirius' expression changed from annoyance to awe.
"A flying motorcycle! What a brilliant idea!" Sirius began shoveling his breakfast down with gusto. "I knew you were a genius love. I really did." Hermione sat up a little straighter and glanced at Lupin's surprised but also admiring expression. She winked and smiled as he blushed a bright red.
"He'll never rest until he has a flying motorcycle now Hermione. Do you realize how absurd that is?" James scolded but the effect wasn't as disturbing as he intended because of the smile curving his lips.
"Brilliant. Bloody brilliant." Peter muttered between bites of toast and stared at Hermione in wonder.
Across from Peter, Alice was reading the Daily Prophet, her brow was furrowed in an uncharacteristic show of worry and Hermione craned her neck to see the cover.
Wizarding Family Killed in Home
Hermione sighed and asked for the paper. Alice agreed and handed it over so Hermione could see the destruction. She'd avoided papers in this time. Some headlines were worse than even the ones she knew and Hermione was getting a glimpse of some of the things that would happen if Voldemort beat Harry. It was frightening.
Reading quickly, she recognized the name of the family and sucked in a breath of horror. "B-but this is-"
A sob broke out at the Hufflepuff table and Hermione turned so she could see the Head of House speaking urgently with a girl. Her shoulders were shaking and her dark curls were hiding her face which was covered by her hands.
The entire Hall stared as she was led from the room to the hospital wing.
Sirius must have shown James the article because his knuckles were white as he clutched his goblet. Remus looked furious as well and Sirius was frowning at his plate.
"She's in our Charms class." Hermione murmured to no one in particular.
"They should've informed the school first thing so poor Emily didn't have to go through that." Lily whispered. "How awful to learn your parents died from a newspaper." There was a respectful silence and Hermione let a few tears fall. Death wasn't such a silly thing to cry over.
But she did look at Peter to see his reaction. His face was pale and his hands shook, but it wasn't in a guilty manner. He looked more horrified than anything and Hermione was confused. There had to be some kind of sign for the direction he would go.
O
O
O
On Friday October 22, Remus was so ill he didn't attend classes. It was the night of the full moon and this week had been especially painful for him for some reason. Hermione wished more than anything that they would invent the Wolfsbane potion already but there wasn't much she could do for her friend. She visited him in the hospital wing before classes and left him some chocolate. Madame Pomfrey had given him some kind of sleeping potion because his emotions were so unstable and Hermione watched his nervous twitching and sweaty brow with concern. The matron shushed her out the door and Hermione went to breakfast to meet up with her friends before classes.
Hermione unfortunately had potions and was unable to avoid meeting Professor Slughorn.
"Why hello Ms Granger!" He greeted her and she gave him a nervous hello back. But he took this as an invitation because he came to her table and watched her take out her potion kit. "I can only assume that Messrs Snape, Black and Crouch gave you my letter since you did not reply." He looked at her expectantly and Hermione blushed. "So are you coming to the Slug Club meeting tonight?"
Lily arrived in time to hear Slughorn's last sentence and her eyes lit up. "Absolutely!" Lily dropped her bag close to Hermione's. They weren't partnered up today and each had out their own cauldron.
Sirius was also at their table and looked surprised but happy. "You didn't tell me you were invited to the Slug Club Hermione!"
"Slipped my mind actually." Hermione explained and glared into the bottom of her cauldron. Tonight was the full moon and Remus would be fine without her wouldn't he? She couldn't really say no since Slughorn was walking away and Lily was chattering excitedly about the overrated club.
Hermione nodded when appropriate at Lily's chattering but never really contributed to the conversation. Sirius was watching her more than usual and as a result his potion skills were lacking and he was unnerving her. Why did he have to observe a person so thoughtfully anyway?
O
O
O
Hermione picked a seat next to the window so she could look out at the grounds. But Slughorn's office wasn't near the Whomping Willow so she would be unable to see the school's healer lead Remus across the dying grass to the smaller but still vicious tree.
"What are you looking for?" James asked as he took a seat next to her and looked out at the grounds. It was fifteen minutes before seven and Hermione was shocked that James would bother arriving so early.
"I like to see the grounds when they're still green." She said easily but James seemed unconvinced. But he dropped it and looked around at the empty round table. Hermione could see Harry in his movements, the way he flicked his unruly hair out of his eyes or the way he moved his glasses up his nose after doing this. But he was unlike Harry in the way he leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head.
"If there was no war… What do you think you'd want to do?" Hermione couldn't help but ask. Harry would want to know wouldn't he?
"What to do you mean?" James' brow was furrowed and the corners of his lips were turned down in a frown.
"You want to be an Auror don't you? Because of the war…But if they didn't need Aurors, what job would you do instead?" Hermione watched James' expression clear in understanding and turn thoughtful.
"Something to do with quidditch. Coaching it or maybe playing." He said finally and Hermione nodded. It was predictable really. James excelled at Defense Against the Dark Arts and Quidditch. Just like Harry. But Harry had more of his mother's brains and was good at other things like Charms and Transfiguration, even Potions when given the incentive.
"You would've done well as a coach I think." Hermione said but James looked at her strangely.
"Would've?"
Realizing her mistake Hermione tried to cover it but Sirius, followed by Alice, Frank and Lily, entered the room.
"Hermione!" Sirius cheered and snagged the seat on her other side before Lily could. "How was your day love?"
"Sirius I only just left you." Hermione sighed in exasperation. Why did he have to be such a handful?
Other students trickled in until five after seven when Slughorn arrived, fashionably late, to Hermione's annoyance. The sooner this was over, the better.
Last year she'd been flattered that Slughorn thought so highly of her to ask her to join his club but now she realized how silly the whole thing was. It made the other students feel bad and it wasn't as if the club was contributing anything to the school besides Slughorn's parties. She honestly was surprised Dumbledore didn't get rid of the whole thing.
Besides, Sirius, James, herself, Lily, Frank and Alice, there was also Regulus, Snape, Crouch a few younger students from both the Gryffindor and Slytherin houses. Doriana was also there with her fellow Ravenclaws and the whole table was rather crowded. Hermione felt uncomfortable smashed between Sirius and James but kept her mouth shut and prayed the ordeal would end soon. Unfortunately, since she was a new member, it was only a matter of time before Slughorn called attention to her.
"So Hermione, you are very talented at potions and I've heard great things from the other teachers! You're parents must be very proud."
James and Sirius shifted and cast her worried glances but Hermione ignored them. Couldn't they at least try to act casual?
"Yes, well, they're very happy I receive high marks." Hermione gave Sirius and James encouraging smiles and they returned it halfheartedly.
"But what exactly do they do?" Slughorn popped a crystallized pineapple into his mouth and quirked an eyebrow at her.
She sighed and looked at the future Death Eaters before smiling broadly. "They're dentists."
"Er…dentists? I'm afraid I have no idea what that is exactly."
"They tend to muggle's teeth." Hermione said and smirked as she took a bite of the evening's dinner.
Snape, Regulus and Crouch looked cowed. They're expressions would have been hilarious if in the next moment they hadn't turned dark and were now giving her suspicious glares.
James and Sirius shared a look before gripping their wands beneath the table, watching Snape carefully. He looked thoroughly conflicted and was looking between Lily and Hermione.
Lily didn't know that Hermione's parents were dentists. But hadn't she said they were wanting for money? That's why she hadn't received any birthday presents after all. But dentists were fairly well off as far as she knew. She looked at Hermione with as confused expression as anyone else.
Doriana glanced between the suspicious glares of the Slytherin's to the fierce looks of determination of Sirius and James. Honestly, Hermione was making this too easy! The whole thing couldn't have gone better if she'd planned it. There was nothing like anger and a overprotective nature to bring out the testosterone in a boy. Her finger tapped her thin chin and she leaned back slightly, her blue eyes darting from expression to glorious expression. Smirking, she pushed away her dinner plate and resisted the urge to conjure popcorn so she could sit back and enjoy the show.
"Fascinating!" Slughorn continued as if the tension in the room hadn't gone up several notches. He moved on quickly, now turning to Barty. "Now Barty, you haven't told me about your father." Resentfully, Barty sighed and began a long winded speech about his father who was the new Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Slughorn seemed pleased to have the son of such a high ranking ministry official in his collection.
Barty was annoyed about having to even mention his father but it was what Slughorn wanted to hear. In the end though, he couldn't help making a biting remark about him. "I hardly ever see him anymore, sir." Barty spat and scratched his fork across the plate and making most of the table wince at the sound.
"Yes, well, he is a very busy man I'm sure." Slughorn said, clearly uncomfortable.
Hermione watched Barty's reaction to his father in concern.
When he arrived nine years in his past, Terence Green's attempts to change things were thwarted even with his knowledge of the future.
Hermione sighed as she recalled the book's warning.
O
O
O
Remus sat on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. His body shook as the moment when he'd transform grew closer. Through the planks over the windows he could just make out the moon covered by a few clouds. It wouldn't be long now.
He could feel it in his very bones. Even the little joints in his fingers ached and he cracked his knuckles to try and relieve the tension. Waves of pain trickled down his spine and out. Traveling along his nerves and his body shook. You'd think he'd get used to the Change month after month and he'd heard the older a werewolf was the more they could control themselves and the pain more tolerable but he must not have reached such a stage yet. If his friends were here he'd be having an easier time, they usually distracted him but he couldn't hold it against them that they were at the Slug Club. He could do this. He would do this.
Another wave coursed through him and he grit his teeth in anguish.
Come on Remus. Think of anything but the pain.
Terence Green's time traveling case has been studied extensively. When he arrived nine years in his past, his attempts to change things were thwarted even with his knowledge of the future. This is believed to be because he went back for a specific reason…
He recited in his head. After that day in the library he'd read nothing but The Magical Aspects of Time and Travel over and over, hoping to find something different. Something that could help her but she'd been right, the whole thing was filled with theory, assumptions and guesswork when they needed facts. But it was effective in helping him forget the Change.
Finally his adrenaline kicked in at the same time his curse kicked in. His back spasmed as the muscles hardened and his spine curved and extended. Fur pushed through his pores and made him itch. But his fingers were shortening and his nails were growing and he had paws in a matter of moments. The Change was almost complete and this was the worst part in Remus' opinion.
For one split second, he was a wolf with a human brain and only one feeling was expanding in his thoughts. He felt exhilarated. Free for just one second where it was just him and his legs and the forest floor beneath his toes and he could run as far as he wanted. He was far away from human troubles and he didn't have a care in the world and in this one split second Remus Lupin was reluctantly happy.
And he hated himself for it. How could he enjoy any part of this curse that Fenrir Greyback the monster had given to him?
But he was just as bad as Fenrir, because he was a monster too.
That is why Remus knew he could never let himself be happy. If he was, that would mean that he wasn't punishing the wolf within him enough. The wolf could never escape, but it would…every month.
So Remus was always punishing himself and promising to never be happy. Because he was happier than he'd ever been…for that one split second when he was a wolf, he was happier than he was as a human. But then the second was over and his human brain and reasoning was gone. Leaving the wolf to take over and have its one night of control.
O
O
O
O
"He better not try anything!"
"Sirius, calm down." Hermione said patiently as they walked back to the Gryffindor tower.
"Did you see their faces? If he even thinks about telling Avery and Mulciber I swear I'll hex him so fast he'll he never take his beak nose out of that Potion's book again." Sirius flicked his wand to demonstrate and red sparks flew from the tip.
"Snape's not going to tell anyone. What can they possibly do under Dumbledore's nose Sirius? Dumbledore would never tolerate it." Hermione placated the hot tempered teen. He needed to be calm so he could join James and Peter who were heading down to the Whomping Willow as they spoke. Sirius had insisted in taking Hermione back to the Common Room because he claimed he was worried about any Slytherins.
"Why'd you have to say you were muggleborn? I don't know about your time but in this time Hermione, muggleborns are in a lot of danger! You remember that article about Emily's family don't you?"Sirius was red and the muscle in his jaw was jumping again.
Hermione didn't answer. Sirius was being silly really. She could handle whatever those Slytherins thought they could throw at her. She was the brightest witch of her age after all.
Sirius sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "While we're on the subject of your family…What are you doing for Christmas?"
"I didn't really think about it. But I guess I'll just stay here. Where would I go otherwise?" Her brow furrowed in consternation.
"I was thinking…of course I'd have to ask…" Sirius trailed off and stopped in the middle of the hall. Hermione continued to walk but when he didn't catch up she sighed and stopped. She looked back and watched him nervously fiddling with his robes and twirling his wand.
"Have you spoken to Regulus?"
"W-what?" Sirius looked caught off guard by the sudden change of topics but now his face darkened. Maybe the change of topic hadn't been the best. "No."
"You said you would."
"Hermione. He's not worth it. You didn't see his face tonight." Sirius growled and gripped his wand so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Definitely not worth it."
"You don't know that." Hermione murmured. But Sirius ignored her.
"I'll ask James and see if you can come to the Potter's for Christmas." Sirius saluted her and began walking backwards. "Goodbye love."
Hermione watched him head away from her, too mad to finish walking her to the Common Room. "Be safe!" She called.
Sirius stopped. He was muttering and Hermione was too far away to make out what he was saying. "What'd you say?" She yelled. Sirius glared at her under his long bangs before sighing and walking back to her.
"Why do you have to say stuff like that?"
"Like what?"
He had walked all the way back and was glaring down at her. Then he leaned over and pressed his mouth to the corner of her lips. Hermione was frozen in shock.
Sirius pulled away and started sprinting away. "I'll see you tomorrow!"
O
O
O
Hermione avoided the Marauders like the plague that weekend and into the following week. Sirius kissing her had been nothing short of shocking and she was thoroughly kicking herself for ever ever ever letting him think that that was okay. Had she been sending the wrong signals? She liked someone else for Merlin's sakes! Granted Ron wasn't around but that shouldn't matter! She would not fall for the whole 'out of sight out of mind' thing. But this line of thinking only made her feel stupider since she'd kissed James… But that had been more of a learning experience. A confirmation that she didn't like Harry in that way.
Maybe she was making too big a deal out of this.
It hadn't exactly been a full on snog. But his eyes had gotten sort of dark before he'd leaned in.
The whole situation was very disturbing and distracting her from classes so much that even Doriana had noticed. She'd approached Hermione at lunch on Monday and had asked if everything was alright. Her usual smug look was momentarily gone but Hermione refused to tell anyone why she was acting so, in James words, "weird". She didn't even tell Alice or Lily who gave her worried glances whenever she'd duck out of the room if a single member of the Marauders entered.
When Sirius had seen Hermione's reaction he'd only told James what had happened and he seemed equally perplexed by her attitude.
"When I kissed her she didn't act like that and we like…went at it."
"Wait…what? You kissed her? What the hell Prongs! I thought you were all about Lily!" Sirius was waving his hands hysterically and giving his best friend an accusatory glare. First Remus likes her and now James was going around kissing her? What the hell!
"I am all about Lily! But Hermione was… I don't know… Godric Paddy I'm a bloke and I'm not going to turn down a snog."
"You snogged?"
Realizing he wasn't saying the right things, James backtracked. "Trust me Padfoot, she does not like me and I don't like her. At least in that way. It was just one of those things…"
Sirius didn't answer for a minute before his face relaxed and he sighed. "Sorry Prongs. I just wish she would look at me. I feel like an idiot."
"And that feeling's new? Interesting."
"Shut it." Sirius said but was smiling slightly.
"You should just talk to her."
"Your right of course."
"Tell her she smells like strawberries." James waggled his eyebrows and elbowed Sirius in the ribs.
"I'm warning you Prongs, you better shut it!"
But Hermione had retreated into the library and refused to talk to anyone. Mostly she studied the Horcrux books and tried not to make herself sick. There was quite a lot of disturbing material in the books and Hermione worried about who had written them. What kind of sick individual would describe killing and soul splitting like it was completely normal. Very disturbing. But the worst of it was when Hermione learned that to destroy a Horcrux was almost impossible. Very few things could do any damage and definitely nothing that they could take with them on the run.
Of course, in light of the drama, Hermione had forgotten about the Slytherins. The first to find her on Tuesday was Regulus.
She was studying as diligently as ever, reading up on Horcruxes and trying to discover a way of destroying them when a body plopped into the seat next to her.
She jumped and scrambled to slam the book shut and hide it in her bag. Hermione looked at Regulus in surprise until her breathing became normal once more.
"You're a little liar."
"I am not!" Hermione said indignantly. Her back straightened and her hair crackled with electricity.
"Then you're not a mudblood?" Regulus dusted off the table in front of him and couldn't see that Hermione was close to smacking him.
"So what if I am?" Hermione turned her nose up at him and began putting away her notes and other textbooks. It had stung a little to hear that name again. Not very many people called her that and no one in this time had ever done it. She'd become used to it before but she hadn't really been expecting Regulus to call her a mudblood. She frowned and tried to regain her emotions. She needed to stay calm so she could speak reasonably with the misguided boy. Maybe sway him with logic to the light.
"What I don't understand is how you're such a powerful witch." Regulus glared at her suspiciously.
"W-w-what?"
"Everyone's been talking about how good at magic you are. But where does it all come from?" Now he looked confused and was helping her put away papers. "You're a muggle. That's what I was taught. So you shouldn't be able to do magic but…"
"I'm as much a witch as anyone." Hermione growled out. It was becoming very difficult to stay calm in front of this ridiculous pureblood logic. "Look at Lily."
"Maybe all this studying you do… Maybe you need to work harder at it or something. What do you study anyway?" Before she could protest he snatched her bag away and began pawing through her stuff.
He was taller than her so when Hermione tried to snatch the bag back he simply held it further away. But he froze and Hermione knew he'd seen the Horcrux books. "Please! Give it back!"
"What's this Granger?" He slowly withdrew the dark tome and Hermione's breath became ragged. She wouldn't get in trouble but the teachers would become suspicious of her if they learned she was reading such dark material. Regulus touched the spine and read the spine. "This is dark stuff mudblood."
"It's not what you think." Hermione grabbed the bag away from him. But he still held the book so she couldn't reach it. "It's for Dumbledore."
Suddenly a horrible idea reached Hermione. How on earth had Regulus found that Horcrux? Let alone known that Voldemort had a Horcrux? Sure he'd been a Death Eater but there were plenty of other Death Eaters that had never learned the truth, look at Lucius Malfoy, he'd had a Horcrux for years and never learned what it actually was. Regulus must have had knowledge of Horcruxes, and maybe if Hermione was the one to teach him…
"I seriously doubt Dumbledore would ask a student to read such…sensitive material, Granger. All mudbloods are liars." He hissed and glared down at her with hate. Hermione sucked in a breath and used all her strength to not react.
Sticks and stones. Sticks and stones. She thought to herself.
She relaxed and moved away from him. "Do you know who Lord Voldemort is, Regulus Black?" This had the desired effect. Regulus' eyes almost popped from their sockets and he fell into the nearest chair, staring at her in horror and also…awe.
"You- you- you said his name!"
"Fear in a name…only increases fear of the thing itself." Hermione said for about the millionth time. Honestly, didn't people read? "This book." Hermione tapped the book that Regulus clutched in his lap. "was once very important to Lord Voldemort." Hermione took a deep breath, this was a huge gamble, what if she was wrong and Regulus used the information immorally? "I think you should read it."
Regulus looked down at his lap and stared at the book with a newfound respect. Voldemort had read this book…maybe he could learn how to be a better servant to the Dark Lord by understanding him better. Regulus clutched the book closer, maybe it contained knowledge of the Dark Lord's power or… something.
"Promise you'll return it." Hermione stared at him in concern. She still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but…there was also something tell her that she should do it. Regulus wasn't as evil as Voldemort… she doubted anyone was. Except maybe Bellatrix.
O
O
O
Emily didn't return to classes that week. Hermione was beginning to worry about her even if they'd never been friends. It was one of those things where you'd see them every day in class and you knew their name and who all their friends were but you'd never actually spoken. Hermione felt a little guilty about this and had decided she would speak to Emily the next opportunity she had. But it didn't seem like this resolution would happen any time soon.
The last week of October Hermione found herself outside in the most beautiful of weather. It was unusual for how late in the year it was and it would probably be the last sunny day of the year so Hermione decided to enjoy it to the fullest. She crossed the dry grass of the grounds until she got to the lake and found the greenest patch of grass she could. She lay out on her back, her hands crossed behind her head and her legs spread out, staring up at the clearest, pure blue sky she'd ever seen. There wasn't a single cloud and she took in a deep breath to smell the summer like breeze that floated over her.
She felt content and separate and like she was having an out of body experience. Her thoughts far away and all the stress of failing sliding away. But this rare moment of peace, away from studying and her friends, brought on a loneliness that Hermione hadn't felt since her first year. It was like a cancer and the pain of it seemed to start in her chest. It surrounded her heart and she could almost feel the fist of it squeeze the air from her lungs and tighten. It had been almost two months since she'd seen Ron and Harry and the heaviness of this hadn't seemed to reach her until now. She closed her eyes to shut out the now bright sky and let the pain spread. It engulfed her, her limbs filling slowly with sand until she was incapable of movement and her cheeks grew wet with silent tears. Goosebumps covered her bare arms and legs and she could feel her magic retreating into her soul, avoiding the sadness and pain that was filling her. She felt empty without it.
She needed Harry and Ron, they were like her brothers, she hadn't truly left their side in six years and now without them she realized what would happen if either would die in this war. She'd cease to function. Well… she would survive, but it would be incredibly painful and she silently prayed for the strength if ever such a thing should happen but she also prayed that it wouldn't.
But the thought that she would return home pulled her back. Yes, this separation was only temporary; she would be rejoined with her family, Harry, Ron and her parents too. The sand and heaviness left her and she could feel the grip on her heart lessen. Then her tears dried and she was able to open her eyes again.
There was a body next to her. It's warmth driving off the goose bumps and pulling her away from her brooding.
"How is it…you always find me crying?" Hermione asked softly and peeked through her lashes at the sandy haired boy sitting next to her.
"Good timing I suppose." His head was turned away from her so she could only see a profile. The scar over his eye stood out on his pale skin and Hermione observed the knots and uneven surface. It should've been ugly and disfiguring and yet she could not think of it that way.
"More like bad timing." Hermione sighed and moved an arm so it covered her eyes. Now that she couldn't see him he turned to look at her and frowned.
Her bottom lip was quivering and he stared at the soft pink skin. Wishing he could touch it but he couldn't…could he? His eyes raked her body, the soft curves that were normally hidden by a billowing cloak and baggy uniform, the creamy thighs and slim wrists. Her wild hair that was splayed out across the dry grass like that first night he'd met her. Everything about her was so inviting, so available and yet out of reach. He swallowed and forced himself to look away. "What were you thinking about?" He muttered, his voice was a little dry so he wet his lips and cleared his throat.
"Nothing important." She lied and shifted into a sitting position. Their eyes met and Remus knew she was lying by the tightening of the skin around her mouth but he didn't comment.
"Nice day isn't it?"
Hermione smiled and gave Remus a disapproving look. "The weather? Really? I thought we were better friends than that."
Remus chuckled and plucked a patch of brown grass from beside him. He twirled them in his fingers for a few moments and Hermione stared at his long fingers. She'd never noticed before how big his hands were.
"I'm sorry." Hermione said softly and let her hair hide her expression. Remus looked up in surprise.
"Whatever for?"
"I've been depending on you too much. It's very selfish of me."
"I don't mind." Remus whispered. He cleared his throat and said louder. "Anyway I can help, I will, Hermione."
Hermione didn't answer for a few moments. Instead she tried to absorb what Remus had said, he really was a kind and dedicated sort of man. "It's strange how much we rely so heavily on others. Not just in their talents but just because we need a presence, some pillar of strength that we can lean on." Hermione frowned and glanced at Remus' concerned face.
"I suppose." He said finally and chucked the twirled grass to the ground. He shifted his body to face her. "But it's not as if you can lean on someone without them wanting you to."
Hermione thought of Harry and Ron, how much she needed Harry's bravery and loyalty and Ron's humor and even though he was quick tempered he was loyal to his friends almost to a fault. Yes, they were like a table with three legs. Without one, the whole thing would collapse.
But where did Remus fit in? She hadn't noticed until now how much he'd been present these last few months. She'd confided things in him like her fears and he still wanted to help her and to stay by her side. It was very refreshing and reminded her of her best friends. She would miss this…their friendship, when she returned to the future. Professor Lupin wouldn't remember her, if Dumbledore had his way. But she agreed that it was for the best. The whole thing was terrifying, what if she missed him as much as she missed Harry and Ron?
She glanced up at him and met his eye. "Then…you don't mind if I depend on you for a little longer?"
"No."
Hermione was lost in blue. Clear, bright and pure- and it was sucking her in, driving away the horrible loneliness and filling her with something else entirely. She barely noticed the contact as his hands touched her cheeks and his thumbs scrapped away the traces of tears. "Don't cry." He said it so softly that Hermione almost missed it but every sense was heightened and for the first time Hermione could sense something wonderful. He was like a forest, there was an almost wild quality to him and she was drawn in. She had to remind herself to breath as the blue came closer and closer. It was frighteningly easy for her eyes to flutter close and for her to lean slightly forward to close the distance. There was a gentle pressure on her hand.
She looked down in surprise and saw that Remus' large hand was gently closing over hers. Covering it and surrounding her in warmth.
"Forget everything for a moment." He said. His eyes had flecks of gold that danced like fire and she could only nod mutely, completely drawn in and struck dumb. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you so long as I- I mean…we're here. So stop running away from us." He smiled at her and she flinched guiltitly. "We miss you…I miss you."
"Sorry." Hermione sighed and flopped back into the grass. For just a moment she'd thought Remus was going to kiss her.
But what most surprised her is that she hadn't been completely adverse to the idea.