Disclaimer: Haven't said this in a while so let me just remind you that I do not own Harry Potter or anything that you recognize in this story, the wonderful, fantastic, magnificent, marvelous, amazing, brilliant, beautiful blonde called J.K. Rowling does….love her :)
Also I want to thank everyone so much for sending me love and warm fuzzies via subscriptions and favorites and reviews. So imagine your favorite cookie….okay got it? Are you picturing that cookie? Good. Because I'm sending that virtual cookie to you via cyberspace.
That's right. Chew it. Enjoy. Savor it. You earned it. ;)
If you don't like cookies…..picture a celery stick or something.
Chapter 13
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
The Goo Goo Dolls- Iris
Words swam in front of Regulus' eyes. The girl had to be lying. No one could actually perform the acts described here. It was sick. Inhumane. Bile rose in throat as one particular set of words came into view once more. Jumping out at him. Slamming into his head and demanding to be read for what must have the thousandth time. And what is read cannot be forgotten so easily.
To kill a person is to commit an act against nature. Something so heinous and terrible splits the soul and allows—
Regulus swallowed and skipped a few lines.
But losing a part of your soul has dire consequences. A soul is what makes a person who they are. It is their very essence and by losing a part of that, you lose a bit of your humanity. To succeed in creating a Horcrux means you are, essentially, no longer human.
No one, not even the Dark Lord could read such a thing and think it was a good idea. The mudblood was a liar and he refused to partake in it.
But one memory kept swimming into view.
It had been a hot summer's evening and Sirius had been there. Also his cousins Bella, Cissy, and Andy, who thought she was too old to hang out with the 'children' and had told them all to go away and play at the other end of the manor. It was the Black manor that they owned in France and they'd traveled there every summer until Andy had run off with a mudblood and Sirius had discovered muggle motorcycles and the joys of early teenage rebellion. Regulus felt a stab as he remembered chasing the older kids and Bella's cruel laugh as they disappeared around a tree and left him. Usually Sirius had stood up against Bella, since he believed she was 'deranged' and a silly girl to boot. But this time Regulus had turned the corner and found himself alone.
He'd wandered the woods for what felt like hours to a child but what must have only been a few minutes and he'd finally caught up with his brother and cousins.
"I don't want to hear it Bella."
"Oh come now Cissy." Regulus could hear Bella's voice echoing through the trees. "Sirius wants to hear it. Don't you?"
"Not really." Regulus was relieved to hear his brother's angry tone and he almost dashed out to meet them but an un-childlike idea overtook him and he ducked into a bush to listen.
"But don't you see what it means?" Regulus had never heard Bella sound so… awestruck. "Finally someone who sees things the way we do!"
"What?"
"Oh you stupid boy. He thinks that we purebloods are superior. That muggles are animals that should be…exterminated."
Regulus didn't know what that had meant at the time but he remembered having a chill crawl down his spine and almost praying for his brother's voice to tell Bella to shut up. Just like he'd always do.
"That's sick."
"Is it? Has Aunty Wally been neglecting your education, cousin? We are better than them ! I stole the paper from daddy and read all about this 'Dark Lord'. They say he has red eyes and has placed a curse on every mudblood he meets. The Daily Prophet has much to say about him." Regulus could hear the pride in the demented child's voice.
"What did it say Bella?" Cissy almost whispered. Regulus jumped, sometimes he forgot she was there, she was always silent and demure, but he knew she was listening intently and she never missed a thing.
"There was some rubbish about him being insane but you should hear all the things he's done sister!" Regulus peeked through the leaves and saw his cousins and brother sitting in a circle. Bella was sitting on her knees with her hands clamped on her thighs. She was almost rocking with excitement and her black curls danced around her white cheeks and large eyes.
Sirius was stretched out and carried a confidence that Regulus knew he lacked. His brother's legs were already long and his hair shoulder-length and curling around his ears.
Narcissa was pale and small next to them. Like a fragile fairy with her thin blonde hair that fell in long sheaths down her back and shoulders.
"Oh really? Like what?" Sirius scoffed and tossed his hair. "If he's so special why'd he change his name huh? Sounds like a nutter to me."
"He's not!" Bella hissed and glared at Sirius. "He has made it clear that anyone that stands in his way will be killed. That if all the muggles and mudbloods will be under his control and purebloods will rule as they should."
Sirius stood and glared down at his older cousin. "You're bloody insane!"
Regulus heard Cissy gasp at Sirius' curse and tried not to roll his eyes.
"Insane am I, cousin?" Bella stood and withdrew her wand.
"Bella! You're not allowed outside of school!" Narcissa had also stood and was jumping in front of Bella in a panic.
"What are you going to do, Bella? Lumos me to death? Maybe throw Alohamora at me? Oh, I'm so scared!" Sirius mocked.
Bella's eyes flashed and she twirled her wand eagerly. "Maybe an Unforgiveable will shut you up."
Regulus saw Sirius face pale but he was too frightened himself to jump in.
"Bella, you're scaring me." Cissy whispered but Regulus was sure he was the only one who heard her.
"You wouldn't."
"No. No I suppose not. But someday soon, dear cousin, I will join the Dark Lord and you will regret crossing your family." Bella shoved her wand back out of sight and looked Sirius up and down. "Unless you join too, of course. Come Cissy." Then she stalked off and Regulus realized at the last moment that she was heading in his direction. He shuffled to the left slightly so she could pass him without noticing he'd been listening. She exuded so much magical power that Regulus shivered as she passed him. Then the memory ended and Regulus wondered why it had been pounding in his head as he read Hermione's book.
Maybe Bella's awe as she described the Dark Lord controlling the muggles and mudbloods, killing when necessary. After reading the book he could see that something was wrong.
Well, to be fair, he'd always known the killing was wrong, but the ends justify the means. That's what Bella had told him, but she did seem to enjoy it more than she should.
You lose a bit of your humanity. To succeed in creating a Horcrux means you are no longer human.
How many people had the Dark Lord killed by now? And Bella had described his appearance. She'd seemed amazed as she spoke of white skin and red eyes. But now Regulus had to wonder if it meant that the one she worshipped was even human.
"Regulus?" The twitchy boy slammed his book shut and stuffed it under his pillow as Snape entered his quarters. "Are you alright?" Snape's face was a blank slate as he stared down his nose at Regulus. This sort of behavior had always annoyed him, Snape was only a half-blood after all. His mother a blood traitor. How dare he look down his nose at a pureblood such as himself. Regulus sucked in a breath and shook this away. Snape had always been friendly to him. Actually….friendly was stretching it a bit. Snape was cordial and had always been since Regulus' first year and he considered the dark haired boy a friend. None of the other Slytherins were so accommodating.
But he'd noticed how Snape looked at the mudblood Lily Evans. He even associated with her often and the conversation he'd stumbled upon in Hogsmeade was most interesting.
A Slytherin never overlooked such an opportunity for personal gain.
O
O
O
Lily crossed the grounds with a reluctant air.
Every so often she'd stop and kick at a tuft of grass or weed. After her weekly jaunt around the lake she was hesitant to return to Gryffindor tower.
Usually she would perform this ritual with Sev at her side and they would catch up on their experiences every week. It'd become harder and harder over the years to remain friends when there was such animosity between their houses. So Sev had suggested they walk together at least once a week, away from the probing eyes of the castle.
So out of force of habit Lily had dashed off once again but it wasn't as much fun alone.
James might have accompanied her but she didn't think she could stomach doing something that she used to share with Sev, with James.
When had she started calling him James anyway? What had happened to Potter? Or toerag?
Lily stopped at the top of a low hill and kicked furiously at a stubborn dandelion. For whatever reason it reminded her of James' head and she found pleasure in kicking it into smithereens. Merlin's beard when had she become so violent?
"Lily?"
Lily's breath caught in her throat and she looked up in a panic at her once-best-friend.
"Sev! W-w-what are you-"
"I was beginning to worry you wouldn't come." Snape strode toward her in his usual dramatic fashion, his cloak billowing behind him and his back rim rod straight. "But I figured if I waited long enough…" He trailed off when he saw Lily's exasperated expression. "Will you not even speak to me?"
"No. Now shove off." Lily was shocked at her rudeness that she used to save for a certain Marauder.
Snape looked equally surprised, his face became stiff and his eyes narrowed. "Fine. Good day, Evans." He immediately spun away from her and began making a hasty trail back to the castle.
"Alright I'm sorry! Come back, I'll hear you out!" Lily called after him but he still walked off. "Sev!" The nickname did the trick, as she knew it would, and Snape stopped.
Growling and muttering under his breath, the stubborn teen spun on his heel and returned to the side of the love of his life. If she needed anything from him, he would answer. Maybe it made him look like a fool but…he just couldn't deny her anything.
"I'm sorry alright." Lily shifted her weight and stared at a point above Snape's left shoulder.
Snape snorted. "No you're not."
Lily glared at him but he only ignored her.
That is, until they both noticed a dog sniffing the grass a few meters away from them. Its wet nose was buried in a patch of clovers and its black fur was ratty. It was probably the biggest dog either of them had ever seen.
"Is that a dog?" Lily gasped. Snape didn't answer he was so surprised.
The dog must have heard Lily because he suddenly looked up from the interesting piece of earth. His long purple tongue lolled out of his wide snout, his tail also wagged furiously, and he began to bound over the grounds toward them.
"What in the name of Merlin's beard is a dog doing here?" Snape glared suspiciously at the ragged animal as it picked up speed. His eyes widened in surprise when he realized it didn't seem to be stopping and it was close to bowling Lily over.
"Maybe he's someone's familiar from home?" Lily asked.
"Look out!" Snape shouted and tried to push Lily out of the way but then she had to shield herself when the dog leapt up and knocked her to the ground.
"Hey! Bad dog!" Snape said in a panic.
Up until this point the dog had seemed harmless, besides knocking Lily over, he only wagged his tail and drooled everywhere but when Snape tried to grab a collar and pull the animal away from Lily the dog turned on him. It bared its teeth in a warning and Snape had to back up quickly to avoid being bitten.
When he was a sufficient distance away, the dog returned to Lily and panted heavily in her face.
"Crazy dog." Snape complained and glared at the stupid animal. He was definitely a cat person.
"He must not like you Sev." Lily explained from underneath the large dog. She petted his head affectionately but when she tried to shove him off the dog licked her from chin to forehead.
Lily squealed and swiped frantically at the disgusting mess the dog had covered her in. "Bad dog! Bad dog!" She laughed.
But both Lily and the dog froze when they heard something else that was almost unheard of on the Hogwarts' grounds. A deep chuckle was coming from the direction of Snape.
But that couldn't be right.
Both dog and Lily glanced in surprise at Snape, who was covering his mouth but was unable to hold back a rare chuckle.
Lily smiled in understanding and pushed the dog away. "Feeling better?" She walked over to Snape and the dog bounded away before either student could stop to see where he was running off to.
The dog disappeared around the school's greenhouses and then headed over more hills to the Forbidden Forest. Finally, under the cover of the trees, the dog transformed into a boy with long black hair and handsome grey eyes. Out of breath, the boy stared in shock at the two distant figures who were dusting each other off and then turning back to the castle. He thought that maybe they were glancing around, probably looking for the mysterious black dog.
But they'd never find him.
Sirius shook off the last vestiges of surprise and tried to erase the strange image of Snape rolling in laughter in the grass. It was shocking to think that Snivellus was even capable of laughter. He'd never seen anything like it, and Lily had caused it.
At least he'd confirmed James' suspicions. Snivellus Snape was in love with Lily Evans.
O
O
O
Hermione had returned to the schedule of sitting with and partnering with the Marauders. She'd never noticed how integral they'd become a part of her routine until she'd pushed them away. But to say the least, she was happy to be back.
Remus and Sirius had beamed at her when she'd sat next to them the morning following her talk with Remus.
She'd gotten over the surprise of wanting Remus to kiss her and Sirius actually kissing her. She was eager to have her friends back. But she couldn't help but notice her heart jumped when she saw Remus' face light up at the sight of her. It was nice to be missed.
She couldn't meet Sirius eyes so she sat as far as she could away from him and missed his look of disappointment.
Sirius was glad Hermione had returned, he was slightly annoyed that Remus had been the one to talk her back to their circle but at least she was around. He watched her eat her favorite apple cinnamon oatmeal with deliberate slowness. But now he noticed for the first time that she glanced in Remus' direction too often for comfort.
It wasn't as much as Sirius was known to look at her but it still bothered him. Sirius snatched an apple from a nearby bowl of fruit and tried to sort through his feelings.
He guessed that Remus liked Hermione, he wasn't quite sure how much Remus liked her but there was no way Remus liked her as much as he did.
If Remus did then there would be no way he could hide his feelings.
This was only what Sirius believed of course. He hadn't really factored in whether Remus was just better at hiding his emotions.
Sirius met Doriana's eye around Remus' broad back and she gave him a thumbs up sign. She smiled and he quirked a grin back at her. With her encouragement, Sirius had decided that he needed to make a move before Remus' feelings became any more serious. Friends didn't like each other's birds and he was sure Remus would get over this Hermione crush.
O
O
O
Hermione was avoiding Sirius. She knew it was terribly immature but she wasn't quite ready to have the coming awkward conversation.
How did you tell your best friend's godfather you weren't interested?
This only made her curious as to what Harry's reaction would be to this whole affair. Would he be mad? She knew Ron would react in a similar fashion as he had with Krum. He could be a right git and hypocrite sometimes.
Sirius didn't seem to want to push her though, so Hermione passed the rest of the week in relative comfort. She was glad that Halloween would pass with little drama. It'd become one of her favorite holidays since coming to Hogwarts. It marked the beginning of her long-standing friendship with Ron and Harry.
On Halloween morning she practically skipped to the Great Hall and Remus was looking at her with a bemused smile.
"What are you so happy about?"
"It's Halloween!" Hermione shyly stopped skipping but the smile didn't leave her face. "Don't you like Halloween?"
"Sure. I always preferred Christmas though." Remus shrugged.
"Oh me too, but Halloween is fun." Remus was happy that Hermione seemed to be in a much better mood.
Remus asked her why she loved Halloween so much and Hermione explained the whole situation of the troll in first year and how it had resulted in her friendship with Harry and Ron.
"I just can't imagine forgetting all these memories I have. They're so important to me, especially the ones with Harry and Ron." Hermione had explained.
Remus had watched her shoulders slump and the pained expression that only flickered across her features. Once Remus had gotten over being impressed that she had beaten a troll her first year, he jumped when an idea struck him. "Of course! Why didn't we think of it before?"
Hermione looked at him expectantly.
"You'll put your happiest memories of your friends, the ones you don't want to lose and put them in Dumbledore's pensieve! Then when you're about to go home you can watch them and it'll be as if you never forgotten them." Remus' eyes were hopeful and Hermione was excited by the idea.
Remus was thankful that Hermione seemed to lose the tension in her shoulders at the thought of at least one solution to her problems. He just wished he could do more for her.
Her crying habit seemed to be slowing down and he was glad to see that she was capable of laughing and joking with him.
Classes were more laid-back then they usually were. In Charms they learned how to carve pumpkins with magic and Hermione proudly showed him a grinning pumpkin with fangs. His didn't look half as perfect but she said she liked his rendition of the moon and stars.
In potions, Hermione was partnered with Snape so Remus was unable to speak with her. But he listened in on a conversation that James and Sirius were having over a cauldron of Laugh-Inducing Potion, which Slughorn thought would lift their spirits from the 'depressing' holiday.
"You're making that up! Snape doesn't laugh!" James snorted into his cauldron which Remus was annoyed to see it bubbly and turning a frightfully dark brown.
"No! Really!" Sirius glanced into the potion and shrugged. He turned down the heat so it wouldn't splash then punched James' shoulder. "I'm serious!"
"Oh shut up." James snapped at Sirius' attempt at another 'serious/Sirius' joke. "What were you doing running around as a dog anyway?" He added in a whisper which Remus only heard with his superhuman werewolf hearing.
Sirius mumbled something back about spying on Snape before Remus was forced to return to his cauldron so it didn't boil over.
On the other side of the room, Hermione was contemplating Slughorn's comment about Halloween being a 'depressing' holiday. She'd never really seen why people didn't enjoy it.
She scanned the room and was looking at people's expressions. Most everyone seemed happy about the lull in homework but then her eyes fell on James and Sirius. James was laughing and it looked as though they'd completely forgotten about the potion in front of them. It was a simple potion, probably at a second year's capabilities and yet Sirius and James were managing to screw it up.
This was when she remembered that Halloween was also the night that Lily and James Potter would be killed. Guiltily, she glanced at Lily stirring her potion with a confused Peter Pettigrew.
Lily only had four more years to live because of the person standing next to her.
Tears sprung to her eyes and Hermione grew furious with herself. She was sick of crying and it seemed to be all she did lately. So what if all her new friends would soon be d-d-dead. Hermione swallowed and glanced at the potion Snape was making to perfection. "Snape…I know it's against the rules but…" Hermione pulled a vial from her bag and held it out to him. "I really need this."
Snape stared at Hermione in shock. He'd gotten over the fact that she was a muggleborn, if only to save face in front of Lily. If he could only prove to her that he had nothing against them then maybe she'd be his friend again.
But Hermione was trying his patience. He'd always thought of her as a rule follower and an above-average-intelligence witch but if she was asking to steal some of Slughorn's potion, he was not amused. It was only then that he saw Hermione's eyes watering and her trembling lip.
"I shall be in the storage cupboard for the next two minutes." Snape slammed down his knife, which he'd been using to cut up the final ingredient and he dashed into the supply cupboard.
Realizing what he was doing, Hermione quickly dipped the vial into the bright yellow potion. When she removed it the thick liquid dripped off the rim and she quickly wiped this refuse away with a cloth and stoppered the vial before shoving it into her bag and out of Slughorn's sight.
O
O
O
Hermione knew it was wrong to take any sort of potion unless prescribed by a potioneer or medi-wizard, but Hermione also knew that the Laugh-inducing potion was relatively harmless. She put a single drop in her pumpkin juice before her friends arrived and drank the juice in small sips throughout the Halloween feast.
In such a small amount she felt as if her stomach was full of sunshine and she was slightly lightheaded. She giggled at the smallest things and was speaking with Sirius as if she hadn't been ignoring him for the past week
Before long she was calling across the Great Hall for Doriana to join them and was laughing at some of Sirius' worst jokes.
Remus was puzzled by her change of attitude but he could only study her odd behavior over the special Halloween feast. He longed to pull her aside and ask if everything was alright but she was currently laughing hysterically into Sirius' shoulder and Doriana was pressing into his upper arm.
"We have prefect rounds tonight." Doriana reminded him and Remus groaned.
"Only because you signed us up."
"I thought it would be a good chance for us to talk about things." Doriana smiled at him and Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The witch was persistent.
She'd gone to McGonagall and specifically asked for Remus and herself to be the ones to do the Halloween rounds. It was infuriating and flattering that she wanted to spend time with him but it was exhausting spurning her advances.
O
O
O
"I want you to come to the Slug Club Ball with me." Doriana announced as they turned a corner and found yet another empty corridor.
"Really?" Remus said absently. He hadn't been invited but if a member asked someone outside of the club they were allowed to attend.
"Yes, since you haven't been asked to join the club, which I think is just silly. I've asked Slughorn again and again why you're not a member but he always ignores me when I bring it up." Doriana rolled her bright blue eyes and smiled at Remus nervously. "So what do you think?"
"Think about what?"
Annoyance flashed in the pretty girl's eyes but she maintained her cool. "About going to the Ball with me, silly." She slapped his arm a little harder than necessary but because of his werewolf strength he barely noticed.
"Well I was rather hoping someone else was going to ask me Doriana." Remus said truthfully. He'd stopped in the hall and was staring at the floor guiltily.
"Hermione?"
Remus jumped at the correct guess but shook his head and laughed nervously. "Of course not! We're…friends." He finished lamely.
Doriana glared at him before releasing a high pitched laugh. "But she's already going with Sirius."
"W-wait…What?"
"Sirius told me the whole thing!" Doriana smiled balefully at him. Technically he hadn't asked her yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. "They're just the cutest couple. Don't you think?"
O
O
O
Hermione strolled into the Common room fairly late. After taking the laughter potion, she felt much better but she'd also become hyperactive and she'd had to go to the library and study memory modification and time travel theory to calm herself down. Then she'd gone to Dumbledore. He was also hopeful about Remus' idea.
After he'd shown her how to remove the memories Hermione made him promise not to watch them so Dumbledore wouldn't know too much about the future. He'd agreed with her and so Hermione left feeling much better about the coming months.
Then he'd gently asked for her to keep a list of everyone she knew in the future. He wanted a complete list of the memories he'd have to erase. He didn't want anyone to be missed.
"Also if you meet anyone else bring their names too."
"Of course sir." Hermione muttered as she scribbled a long list of names on a piece of parchment. He was alarmed by the length of it.
She read it several times before handing it to him. "That's everyone."
Dumbledore took the parchment and read the names objectively. Hermione stood but Dumbledore stopped her before she could turn the handle ohis office door. "Hermione. You've forgotten Lily and James."
A piercing headache plagued Hermione and she rubbed her temples in annoyance.
James and Lily. James and Lily Potter.
Their names ran over and over in her head, why were they doing that?
"I…I did?" Hermione walked back and stared at the paper in confusion. "That's funny I don't…"
Dumbledore stared at the girl in concern. He could guess that she'd just lost another memory based on the blank look in her eyes and he hoped it wasn't anything important.
"Hermione?"
She looked up in surprise and picked up the quill. While she dipped it in the inkwell as she spoke. "I don't know how I could have forgotten them sir. I'm terribly sorry." She added their names to the list and handed the important list back. That was a list of some very important people in her life.
"Are you alright my dear? You seemed strange at dinner."
Hermione blushed and picked her bag up in agitation. "Halloween is both a sad a happy day for me." She explained vaguely.
"Sad how?"
Hermione froze and stared at a groove in Dumbledore's desk. But no matter how hard she thought she couldn't remember. "That's funny…I don't…."
"Remember?" Dumbledore supplied and watched the girl's eyes widen before she adjusted the bag on her shoulder and headed once more towards his office door.
"Sorry for coming in so late Headmaster. Goodnight." She disappeared out the door before he could reciprocate and Dumbledore studied the list sitting innocently on his desk. Fawkes sang sweetly from his perch by the Headmaster's desk.
After giving the portrait the password Hermione passed through the hole and entered the dimly lit room. She didn't notice anything unusual until she reached the fireplace and surrounding couches and chairs.
Someone was asleep on the biggest couch. Their legs were tucked underneath them and a flannel and plaid blanket had been thrown over them haphazardly. Hermione approached cautiously until she saw the sleeper's face.
It was Remus.
Hermione's heart fluttered when she saw the peaceful look on his face. His scarred face was smooth and his lips were curved in a subtle smile. His lashes touched his cheeks and Hermione could see that the crease that he usually had in his forehead was gone.
Hermione came closer and closer until she was standing above the sleeping boy. She wasn't sure what was prompting her to do it but she gently reached down and pushed a few strands of hair from his face.
His lip twitched slightly and Hermione withdrew her hand.
She couldn't bring herself to wake him but she didn't want him to catch a cold.
Unsure what to do, Hermione knelt next to his face and studied every contour and line. Because of his scar she'd never noticed what great bone structure he had.
Suddenly Remus' eyes flew open.
This worst possible outcome for the situation had just happened. Hermione's mouth dropped open as Remus expression changed from surprise to an embarrassed smile.
"Er- Hi."
"H-h-hi." Hermione snapped her jaw shut and stared at the lamp over Remus' head.
"Were you just-" Remus pointed at Hermione then himself, at a loss for words.
"Nope. Nope, definitely not."
"But then why are you-"
"Standing here? Um, well I-I-I…. I-was-just-at-the-library-and-then-when-I-came-in-here-you-were asleep-I-saw-you-here-and-I-thought-I-should-wake-you-up but you did right before I could and I-"
"Woah!" Remus held his hands up and Hermione stopped her rant. "So you weren't watching me sleep?"
"What? I was just…NO! Godric no…. How could you even…think that….." Hermione trailed off and stared at a smudge on her shoe. When had that gotten there?
"Right….Well, goodnight." Remus stood and resisted doing a jig between the couch and the stairs to the rooms.
"OH!" Remus stopped and looked back with a concerned face. His eyebrow was knitted and his lips were turned down in a frown.
It was a very different from the softer edge his features took on when he'd- WHAT ON EARTH WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT SHE HAD NOT BEEN WATCHING REMUS LUPIN SLEEP! Oh Godric I'm supposed to say something now.
Remus was looking more disturbed by the second as Hermione tried to conjure an intelligent response.
I can summon balls of fire and levitate things with a stick but I can't even come up with something intelligent? What the Devil's Snare is wrong with me?
She looked around in a panic before noticing the material that had been wrapped over Remus' shoulders only a moment ago. "Your blanket." Hermione snatched the blanket off the couch and held it up to show him. It was plaid and scratchy and threadbare and sort of ugly….yet strangely familiar.
"Er- That's not actually mine….It's the throw….for the couch….it's always there." Remus watched Hermione's eyes bulge in embarrassment and her hands nervously try to fold it. She was obviously flustered and he only seemed to be making it worse. He stepped towards her and reached for it. "Actually. You know what? Maybe it is mine. My mistake." His hand lightly grazed her fingers as he attempted to take the blanket from her and the usual zing of electricity shot up his arm. He'd become used to it after the many times they'd accidently bumped each other but was completely caught off guard when Hermione leapt away from him.
No. She literally leaped away. All Remus could do was watch in horror as her shoe snagged on the rug and Hermione fell backwards into the chair. But the horror didn't end. No, because whoever invented physics and the lovely idea of momentum had a strange sense of humor.
When Hermione fell into the chair it tipped and so Hermione was forced to watch Remus' shocked expression as she fell rear over end backwards off the chair and land face first on the Gryffindor common room's rug.
Hermione hated science.
"Hermione are you alright?" Remus was by her side and tugging her arm.
She'd only leapt away because he'd shocked her. But it'd been much stronger than a normal shock and had traveled up her arm and through her entire body at an alarming rate. Most of the time when she was shocked it was unpleasant but this had been very different, more like a zing than an electrical pulse. And it hadn't been entirely unpleasant, just surprising.
And now she was here on the floor because of her surprise and Remus was fussing over her.
But he didn't just sound concerned. No…there was something else. "Are you laughing at me?" Hermione screeched as she jumped to her feet.
"What? NO!" Remus defended himself. But he was biting his lips and he wasn't meeting her eye. Were his eyes watering?
Hermione's hair began to crackle and she could feel her shoulders tensing. Even her wand arm was twitching and she was glaring at Remus venomously.
Although….she must have been a sight flipping backwards over the arm of that chair…..
Hermione could feel her face cracking and her shoulders relaxing. "I just-" Then Hermione burst into a fit of giggles and wasn't surprised when she heard Remus join.
"You looked so silly!"
"That chair came out of nowhere!"
"Do you walk much?"
This only brought on more laughter until they had to drop onto the couch and swipe tears from their cheeks.
When they'd calmed down Hermione ran a hand down her face and then looked over at Remus.
Their eyes met and Hermione could feel her chest brimming with warmth. The potion had worn off and yet Remus had been able to make her laugh, she hadn't felt that in a long time.
"You really are alright, aren't you?" Remus asked and Hermione grinned wider.
"Laughter's the best medicine."
Remus chuckled. "This is true."
"But I really am fine. Never better." Hermione smiled to herself.
Remus returned her smile but still felt concerned. "You were acting funny during dinner."
Hermione jumped. "I didn't think anyone would notice." She admitted.
Remus continued to study her and Hermione had to look away to avoid the scrutiny. "I took some Laugh-inducing potion. I wasn't feeling well and I just-"
Remus frowned at this admittance. She shouldn't feel so upset and be taking potions to feel better. That's what friends were for. "Well then you should talk to someone…like me. You shouldn't be taking potions to feel better. Especially if you don't need them."
Hermione picked a piece of fuzz off her robe and flicked it to the ground. She was avoiding looking at the observant Lupin. He was making her feel stupid, and Hermione hated feeling stupid.
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
Hermione stood slowly and adjusted her black robes. "I really can't talk about it. But I'll see you tomorrow Remus." And with that, she left Remus for the safety of her room.
O
O
O
A few days into November Sirius searched through every corner of the library, except for the Restricted Section, until he finally found his target huddled in the farthest corner. "There you are!" Sirius sighed as he approached the studying Hermione and stared down at her form. "If I didn't know better I'd say you've been avoiding me love." Sirius plopped down next to her and glanced at the title of the book in her lap. "Time Travel? Haven't had your fill?" He joked, it was unnerving him that she wasn't responding and her stricken face wasn't exactly reassuring. Realizing the jokes weren't working Sirius groaned and rubbed a hand down his face. It was time to bring in the heavy artillery, namely, seriousness. Which ironically, Sirius wasn't very good at. "Alright listen."
Finally Hermione raised her eyebrows and lowered her book. "To what exactly?"
"An apology?" Sirius looked at her hopefully. Hermione didn't answer and was lowering her head back down to the book when Sirius snatched it from her hands.
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry alright! But you gotta believe me when I say I just couldn't help myself!"
Hermione harrumphed and tried to take her book back. Why did people insist on stealing her things lately? "Give it here Sirius."
"No." Hermione glared at him and he hastily finished. "Just hear me out. Please?" He flashed her a nervous grin and Hermione snorted before folding her arms impatiently.
"You have thirty seconds."
Sirius rolled his eyes and then brought his gaze back to Hermione's face. His scrutiny was freaking her out so she nervously twitched after a moment and released her tense arms. "Oh alright."
Sirius smiled before gently picking up Hermione's hands. "Hermione, I'm not a complicated guy."
Oh God. Hermione internally groaned. Give me the strength to not beat this boy to death.
"When I like a girl, I like her."
He is making no sense.
"So when I kissed you…it's just what I do."
"Get to the point Sirius." Hermione resisted the urge to rub her temples. He was giving her a migraine.
Sirius glared at her before sighing and slumping against the bookshelf behind him. Hermione tried to tug her hands away from his but he noticed and gripped them harder. "Fine fine. Alright…the truth is I've never really liked any girl as much as I like you, you're fun and easy to be around, you know that I'm full of shit and you don't let me forget it, and you're brilliant, honestly I don't deserve you but…"
Hermione raised her eyebrows but she was almost curious about what he had to say.
"I think we'd be good together and Charlus always says if a girl's too good for you, you gotta get her before someone else does."
"That doesn't make any sense." Hermione muttered but Sirius ignored her.
Then something clicked in her brain and Hermione leapt to her feet. "Wait a second! Are you….asking me out? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Hermione screeched before she remembered they were in the library.
"OUT! GET OUT!" Madam Pince dashed around the corner and began beating Sirius with a rolled up newspaper. "I thought I told you to never come in here again!"
"Ow Merlin's beard woman! I'm leaving I'm leaving!" Sirius leapt to his feet and dragged Hermione as he tried to make a hasty get away from the mad librarian. But Hermione was frantically picking up her things and slowing them down.
After a few long moments and Sirius complaining of child abuse, Hermione and Sirius left the library and Sirius was able to pull Hermione into the nearest deserted classroom.
"What planet are you living on Sirius? How on Earth would we be good for each other?" Hermione dropped her bag on a desk and began the conversation they'd started in the library which had been interrupted at exactly the wrong moment.
"Well here's how I see it." Sirius leaned against a desk and folded his arms calmly. "I'm a troublemaker, and proud of it. But I'll admit I can be a little over the top."
"Understatement of the year." Hermione growled and Sirius leapt up with a huge grin.
"See! That's what I mean! You're so down to Earth, you can straighten me out, you're better at getting me to mellow out like no ever has!" Sirius ran a hand through his hair and Hermione just stared at him in amazement.
"Of all the stupid-"
"But sometimes, you're a little bit uptight. No offense."
"Oh none taken." Hermione said sarcastically and glared at the absurd boy.
"So that's where I come in and I balance you out and help you have some fun."
"I'm fun!" Hermione protested and Sirius looked at her with a quirked eyebrow. "I am!" She shouted.
"The thing is, love, I've never liked any bird as much as I do you. I've never even considered having a serious relationship and now….well I want one with you."
This stopped Hermione. "You've never…not even one?"
Sirius gave her a half smile and watched her expectantly.
Guilt was building in Hermione. Sirius had never liked anyone? But how could that be? Hermione thought of all the things that Sirius would have to go through like spending most of his life in Azkaban, almost having his soul eaten by Death Eaters, be marked as a murderer and have to spend the rest of his life in the house he hated most…and he'd never have a witch that he could have a serious relationship with? The whole thing was making Hermione really worry about Sirius' mental state. Could someone really have such a traumatizing life experiences and come out unscathed? Of course that was a ridiculous reason to date anyone but…she felt so bad for him when she realized how alone Sirius Black actually was.
But she couldn't date him. There was no possible way that that could ever happen…
"Just think about it." Sirius interrupted her thought process. He must have taken her silence as hope and he was looking at Hermione expectantly.
People had dated for much stupider reasons. Take her and Krum. She'd gone out with him because he was attractive and to be honest, she thought it would really piss Ron off…That hadn't turned out so well of course.
"But I'm leaving." Hermione said simply.
Sirius' face fell slightly but he shrugged and gave her another smile. "All the more reason, you gotta make the most of the time you have."
Hermione sucked in a breath. He'd unwittingly reminded her that Sirius really didn't have much time.
"And whether you leave tomorrow or in a few months I want to use that time to make you as happy as you've made me."
Merlin, this guilt really was eating at her. But the only way of relieving it was to say yes and that would be too easy. Sometimes what was right wasn't easy.
"This might be one of the worst ideas you've ever had." Hermione sighed.
"Or the best." Sirius countered.
Hermione wished she could slam her forehead repeatedly into the desk. "I really could throttle you at this moment. How is that conducive to a healthy relationship?"
Sirius grinned and almost skipped across the room to her. "Is the thought of dating me really that bad?"
"Well…no…I just…THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"
Sirius' hand was suddenly over her mouth, effectively shutting her up. "Listen for just two seconds." Hermione glared at him over his large hand. This conversation wasn't going at all how he'd thought it would.
Doriana's promises maybe weren't the best thing to listen to. But what had she to gain from lying about Hermione's feelings? Girls were an enigma.
"Let me make you happy."
Sirius studied Hermione's doe-like brown eyes and he could see a sliver of doubt and indecision. But he knew that Hermione needed a little happiness, she cried too much, and if she was crying this much in her own time she must have experienced too much for any seventeen year old should. Maybe he could relieve some of that pain.
"If you say no, it won't change our friendship. But I really do think that we'd be good together…and if you won't go out with me….at least come to the Slug Club Ball with me."
He waited patiently for her to answer for a few minutes before realizing he still had his hand over her mouth. "Oh right sorry!" He dropped it and tilted his head nervously. It was a habit he'd picked up since becoming an Animagus dog.
And for the first time in years, Hermione found herself at a loss for words.
A/N: So about the Reg Flashback, if you didn't notice, I messed up Andromeda and Bellatrix's ages. Bella is actually older but it's not really all that important to this story so sorry nitpickers, but I probably won't go back and change it because I'm tired and I just want to get this up.
This is how I imagined them:
Regulus=8 or 9, Sirius=10, Narcissa= 11, Bella=13, and Andromeda=15
Sorry if that was confusing. I'm not even sure if these other ages are canon but it's really not important to the story I promise. I'm just trying to clear up any confusion. This is also why none of Sirius' cousins are at Hogwarts. Or Lucius Malfoy, who I imagine is about four years older than the Marauders and Snape.
Also to be honest, I felt weird about putting this chapter up. I just don't know how it will be received. But I threw caution to the wind obviously :)
Thank you all, you wonderful readers! I love you all dearly and it's heartwarming that you guys send me love and even bother to read what I write, so thank you a thousand times over!