Misguided Mistake Chapter 17, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: Let me just remind you that I do not own Harry Potter or anything that you recognize in this story, the wonderful, fantastic, magnificent, marvelous, amazing, brilliant, beautiful blonde called J.K. Rowling does….love her :) And if you did not know this you need to get out from under that rock you're living under.

A/N: Sorry for the late update, I've been visiting fam. The next update probably won't be for a while either because my friend is coming to visit me for a week and I will be spending all my time with her and not on my beloved baby (aka my laptop :))

Also I have to come to the realization that fluffiness and extended amounts of snogging and gazing into each other's eyes are exhausting to write.

Chapter 17:

Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them. – J.K. Rowling

Remus groaned as he rolled over and blinked away the harsh light filtering in through the Shack's boarded up window.

Something was wrong.

He could smell it, a metallic scent that hung on the air, blood. Remus stiffened and shut out the world by closing his exhausted eyes.

I've finally done it. I hurt someone.

He didn't want to think past that. Tears sprung up and he bit his lip to try and stop them. He felt horribly selfish when his first thought was that he would have to leave Hogwarts and never see Hermione again. It was unbearable.

He gathered his nerve and jumped to his feet to see the damage that he'd caused.

A body laid next to him, taking deep, even breaths and appeared to be fast asleep.

"James!" Remus yelped as he recognized his friend and leapt on the dusty floor to check to see if he was alright. When he reached for James' robes he paused to stare at the dusting of dried blood that covered his fingers. His hands shook until James rolled over to glare up at his friend.

"Can't a bloke sleep around here?" James snapped.

"J-James I hurt you." He stared at the blood on James' pant leg and was furious when James shrugged. "Did I bite you?" Remus half whispered.

"No, no, of course not. It's just a scratch." But he hissed when he tried to move it and Remus jumped on him again. James chuckled as Remus fussed over the wound.

"How can you laugh?" Remus was on the verge of tears so James decided to help him out.

"Where are your clothes mate?"

Horrified, Remus turned away so James couldn't see his blush as he ran to his neatly stacked and folded pile of laundry.

He rushed to put them on and while he was busy James attempted to stand. "You haven't got any of that dittany stuff do ya?"

"Yes. It's here." Remus reached into his robes pocket and pulled out a vial of Essence of Dittany.

A noise from outside the Shack stopped their talking and they glanced in each other in panic at the sound of Madam Pomfrey coming to retrieve Remus.

"Remus dear? Are you decent?" He blushed when he heard his friend snigger.

Remus threw the vial to James who ducked under the Invisibility Cloak in only a few moments. He caught the vial and disappeared as Remus called back to the Healer. "Yes ma'am."

The door moved away and revealed a ruffled Madam Pomfrey, she wasn't a morning person and always seemed irritated when she'd come to get him after a full moon. "You look well." She said shortly before coming in to double check him for any injury. When she'd done circling him she backed away with raised eyebrows. "Much better than usual dear." After she had finished she handed him his wand which they kept on full moons until morning.

Remus nodded. "You know ma'am I think I can get to breakfast myself today."

Madam Pomfrey studied his face for a few moments before nodding, to his great relief. "That's an excellent idea dear. If you don't mind I think I'll go back to bed."

Remus nodded encouragingly as she went back to the entrance and looked over her shoulder. "Aren't you coming Remus?"

"Oh, I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Of course. Without another word she ducked out and the moment she was gone around the corner James revealed himself. While under the Cloak he had poured some Dittany on his injury and already it looked a few days old.

"Explain." Remus pointed to James leg and his friend sighed.

"It's a long story mate."

"We have all morning."

Hermione sat at the Gryffindor alone for the first time in weeks. Every single one of her friends was missing, including Dumbledore, McGonagall and Slughorn who were also gone and she noticed a certain hook nosed teen missing from the Slytherin table. She could only assume there was some meeting going on between Sirius, Snape and their Heads of Houses and the Headmaster. Lily had decided not to come down to breakfast because her eyes were still swollen and red. Alice and Peter always skipped Saturday breakfasts so they could sleep in. But what was really worrying her was the missing Remus and James. Remus would always make a point of making an appearance at breakfast after a full moon so he could eat and regain his strength but also to lower suspicion since he'd miss dinner the night before.

Hermione couldn't force down her oatmeal and instead pushed it around her bowl. She should have skipped with Alice and Lily but she had hoped to see Remus and talk to him. She was so worried about him.

Hermione was so lost in thought that she missed the school's barn owl land next to her glass of pumpkin juice and stick out a familiar heavy piece of parchment with loopy script across the front. To get her attention the owl pecked the edge of her bowl and she jumped at the loud sound.

"Oh thank you!" She handed the owl a piece of bacon before taking the letter and it flew off to go back to the owlery. She read the note over several times before she was finally able to process that it was from Dumbledore and he requested her presence in his office immediately. Probably about what had happened last night.

So she set aside her uneaten bowl and ducked out of the Great Hall and headed to the Headmaster's Office.

"Did you know that this would happen?" Dumbledore's voice was tired and his blue eyes were full of exhaustion and sadness.

Hermione sighed. "I did."

Dumbledore nodded as he stood and went to his pensieve. His wand withdrew a long silvery bit of memory from his temple and he dropped it into the swirly, silvery mass in the bowl. "You know," Hermione could not see his face because his back was turned to her but the resignation in his voice scared her. "when I invited Mr. Lupin here I did realize that there were risks, but with the proper precautions he could have a normal life….I never imagined that the real danger was other students."

Hermione jumped to her feet. "Sirius didn't mean to hurt Snape if you can believe it. He only wanted to scare him I think. But never hurt him."

"Of course not Ms Granger." Dumbledore returned to his seat calmly and waited patiently for Hermione to also calm down and sit with him. "Now I think the real question is why you didn't think of getting one of your professors to get Mr. Snape rather than put another student in danger."

Hermione blushed but her back straightened. "No. It had to be James."

Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow. "Why do you say that?"

"It's important, but I can't really tell you."

Dumbledore smiled. "It's alright Hermione."

Hermione started when he used her name.

"I will trust you." Dumbledore adjusted his spectacles as he studied her over them. "I'm sorry my disagreements with the ministry have delayed your return home my dear."

Hermione's lips lifted in a smile. "It's alright sir. I'm actually very glad that I've had this time."

Dumbledore was silent for a few moments before nodding and removing his glasses. "You still remember our last conversation?"

"Yes sir."

"I want you to have an enjoyable time here of course but you do not belong here. And I think you'll agree with me."

Hermione nodded.

He pushed around the memories in his pensieve with a long finger, they swirled and danced around his hand and Hermione wondered how he did it without being sucked into the memories.

"Your friends will miss you greatly I think. It is a good thing they won't remember."

Hermione felt a little sad at the idea but she could see how it was important that they did not remember. They could not recall her; it could end up being disastrous.

Hermione blushed as she remembered.

"Instead I want to capture all of the memories and put them in a sort a box, then stuff it into the corner of their minds. The friends you make here will be unable to access it but it would be less dangerous than trying to erase the memories completely. It will be a difficult piece of magic and I'll have to research extensively to do it but I think it'll be worth it. Does this sound adequate to you Hermione?"

She felt horrible that she would have to take away memories of her, Sirius and Remus especially, but none of them recognized her so they'd had them taken away somehow.

"The only danger with this is that sometimes a person can access these memories."

Surprised, Hermione's mouth fell open. "Really? How would they manage that?"

"Love is a very powerful type of magic Hermione. Love would break open that box of memories of you." He looked at her reprovingly and Hermione wondered how much he'd heard about Sirius singing at Hogsmeade. But that didn't matter because she definitely didn't love Sirius and he didn't love her. She wasn't worried about it not working.

"I think we'll be fine Headmaster."

Did what she say then still hold true?

"I…I trust your judgment sir." Hermione muttered. Knowing that Dumbledore knew Legilimency she forced herself to not think of all the hours she'd spent with Remus behind closed doors, that would just be to embarrassing for him to know about. The whole thing was looking less and less like a good idea.

"I'm glad to hear it." Dumbledore brought out another tin of Lemon Drops and popped one in his mouth. "Lemon drop?" Hermione declined with a smile and watched him suck on it for a few moments before he spoke again.

"You know, when I was small I always admired the wisdom of the old." Dumbledore finished his lemon drop and began searching for another suitable one. Hermione was busy imagining Dumbledore as a young man. "What you don't realize is that age does not equate to wisdom." He chuckled. "Sometimes I feel as though I grow more foolish the older I get." He trailed off before he seemed to remember Hermione was still in the room. "But thank you for your faith in me my dear. Although I do not think I deserve it."

"Ah, but you do." Hermione smiled before standing. "Is that all Headmaster?"

"Yes, yes of course. Go enjoy the weekend."

Hermione walked out of the office in hopes of finding out where Remus had disappeared to when she bumped into someone on the moving staircase.

"Hermione?"

"Oh Sirius!"

Sirius gave her a nervous smile and Hermione remembered that the last time they'd seen each other she had yelled at him and even pushed him. She felt a little bad but he had been acting like a git. She gave him an encouraging smile in return and his smile grew wider.

"Are you in trouble?" She glanced behind her shoulder at Dumbledore's door. His smile faded slightly and he tried to shake it off. He shrugged and grabbed her upper arm.

"Can I talk to you?"

"I suppose." She said carefully. Hermione wished that things were not so awkward between them. She missed his friendship. Hermione sighed as he pulled her into an empty class and locked the door. Her heart dropped into her stomach and she stood nervously in the middle of the room. Sirius was standing just as awkwardly a few feet away.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Said Sirius very quickly and Hermione tried to keep her mouth from falling open in surprise.

"You what?"

"I'm apologizing. I've been acting like a right git."

Hermione's eyes widened.

He grinned wickedly at her reaction. "As one of the most handsome blokes to grace the halls of Hogwarts I should've respected your desire to remain friends. I can have any number of willing birds and I shouldn't reduce myself to chasing a reluctant, however beautiful, girl." He said with a smirk and he mock bowed.

Despite his arrogance…Hermione was touched. After all these months he'd finally come to value her as a friend and not just another tail to chase. She swallowed the lump that rose to her throat. She only wished he'd realized this earlier so that she could've noticed what was happening between her and Remus sooner…. But better late than never. Hermione rolled her eyes and poked his chest. "Someone's a little arrogant don't you think?"

"Come now Hermione. One lady's rejection isn't going to deflate this ego completely." If he had a hat Hermione could just imagine him flourishing it and primping before a big gilded mirror. "Of course if you ever change your mind…"

"You have no shame."

He laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. For once his touch felt different, usually he would make her feel uncomfortable by bumping her leg of hugging her a few moments too long but this seemed different from all those times, more friendly. And she put her own hand over his. Maybe they really could go back to being friends.

"I'm sorry."

Hermione nodded and gave him a smile. "It's alright Sirius." He removed his hand. "I'm glad we're still friends."

He hugged her and she was even more surprised when it was for an appropriate amount of time. He saluted her before unlocking the door and heading out. "See you 'round love!"

Then he was gone.

Sirius breathed out a sigh of resignation as he entered the Headmaster's Entrance staircase once again and slowly moved toward his fate. After everything, if he really was expelled for this, at least he'd been able to apologize to Hermione. He would've liked to talk to Lily too but he'd only run into Hermione out of pure luck.

He reached the top of the staircase and took a few deep breaths before knocking.

"Come in!"

Sirius opened the door and glanced at the furious face of his Head of House.

"You're late." Professor McGonagall snapped.

Sirius winced when he saw that Snape, Slughorn and Dumbledore were also waiting for him.

Snape looked awfully smug.

"Sit down Mr. Black." Dumbledore gestured to a chair next to Snape and Sirius did his best to not roll his eyes at this.

They lectured him for close to an hour while Snape looked on with an infuriating smug look. Then they started in on him. It hadn't gotten past the Professors that Snape had gone down that tunnel just to get his fellow students in trouble. Mostly it was McGonagall who reprimanded them while Slughorn looked bored and Dumbledore studied them with those eyes of his. Sirius kept silent and prayed that he wouldn't be expelled. He had nowhere to go. Uncle Alphard might take him in but he was already taking care of Sirius too much. He'd probably be blasted from the family tree any day now. If Sirius was expelled he didn't think he could ever show his face at the Potter's again either. After everything they'd done for him it would be a nice way to repay them. And he would die before going back to that place. These were his only thoughts as McGonagall dug into him but finally it came the time to decide his punishment.

"Well what should your punishment be Mr. Black?" Dumbledore interrupted McGonagall before she could start in on him again and Sirius was rather grateful for the kooky old man.

But then he realized everyone was waiting for an answer from him. "You want me to decide my punishment?"

Snape gnashed his teeth in anger and Sirius almost turned to say 'You're telling me.' But he stopped himself.

"But," Sirius looked round at them. "I don't know."

"Detention until the end of the year then?" Slughorn asked and Sirius mouth dropped open in shock when Dumbledore and McGonagall nodded in agreement.

"He tries to kill me and you give him detention?" Snape snarled and Sirius didn't respond, he was still too surprised.

"You mean…you're not going to expel me?" Sirius asked softly.

"Not today My Black." McGonagall said seriously before turning to Snape.

Sirius didn't hear his punishment, he was in a daze as the meeting ended and he walked back to his Common Room without even realizing it.

Remus stared at James in horror.

"You mean I tried – I almost – " Remus stood and stared at the dusty floor.

"Remus?"

Remus sat down again and brought his knees up to his chin so he could wrap his arms around his legs.

"Remus I'm fine. For a moment I was human but Snape got out in time and I was able to change into a stag so he couldn't see and you didn't hurt me."

"But your leg – " Remus hissed.

"Ah it's no biggie." James stood and took a few steps. He didn't even limp and yet Remus could not feel any better about it. "I'm fine."

"And Snape. I almost…" Remus could not bring himself to say it.

"No one was hurt. Sirius is probably getting his punishment as we speak. Nothing's changed Remus."

"How can you say that?" Remus whispered. "Everything has changed. I almost killed someone. I've never been so close to – to – "

Remus stood and went to the Shack's exit.

"I'll see you later."

Before James could stop him, Remus ran down the tunnel. He reached the Willow after a few minutes of running and he jabbed the knot before heading to the castle.

I almost killed Snape. Or I guess I could have turned him into a werewolf like me.

It was such a close call at yet James had shrugged it off. Did his friends not understand how much this was killing him?

"What do you think you're doing?"

Remus jumped when he heard that familiar voice and it actually caused him pain. His chest tightened and he knew she would be standing in that doorway, waiting for him to explain the packed trunk and his travelling cloak. She wasn't supposed to be here.

He wanted to see her and yet…she was also the last person he wanted to see. A lump rose in his throat as a horrible thought crossed his mind. What if Hermione had been the one that went after Snape?

He would've turned her into a werewolf. A monster….

Like me.

"Hermione." He folded that last of his robes and set it in his trunk then turned to face her.

"So you just thought you'd leave? Without telling anyone?" Hermione glared at him for a few moments before her face turned softer….sadder. "Even me?"

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. He'd been so careful. No one was supposed to know he was leaving. So how had she known?

"Don't go." Her voice cracked but her eyes remained dry and she met his eyes steadily. "Please."

"I-I can't." Remus groaned and sat on the edge of his bed. "I could have killed him. Or worse…." He didn't finish his thought but Hermione knew what he meant.

"So being a werewolf is worse than death is it?" Hermione clenched her fist and stalked over to him. She wanted to slap some sense into him, like when she'd hit Malfoy. But Remus was not an idiot like that ferret. She tried to remain calm and she would convince him that leaving was wrong. She had to. It felt as though the world would crumble if Remus left. "Explain yourself." She snapped.

Remus flinched before sighing and grasping her warm hands. He ran his thumbs over her knuckles, memorizing the soft skin and the freckle over her right index finger. He almost smiled when he saw a dab of ink smeared on her pinky. So even on a Saturday morning she was doing homework? Oh how he loved this girl. A lump jumped to his throat.

"Remus?"

"You don't think they'd let me stay after last night do you?" Remus dropped her hands and stood. He turned away from her and clicked his trunk closed.

"Of course they would. No one was hurt Remus."

Remus laughed bitterly and turned to gaze at her with a mirthless smile. "Does that matter? Soon Snape will tell the rest of the school. If I don't leave now I'll be chased out." Remus hunched his shoulders. "I will not be thrown out." He pushed past her and grabbed his wand from his nightstand. Silently, he charmed his trunk to lift off the ground and move toward the door.

"Stop!"

I don't deserve her.

"I don't deserve someone anyway. Not with my…condition. It wouldn't be fair to the girl."

His own words slammed into him with so much force he couldn't breathe. Where had his brain this last week? What the hell had he been thinking! He'd selfishly put Hermione in danger by letting her get so close to him. A shiver of despair gripped him and more waves of anguish hit him when he felt Hermione's small hand land on his shoulder.

"Remus? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Her small, frightened voice was only making everything worse.

Remus took deep breathes, trying to control himself enough to answer her. Images of an injured Hermione were flashing across his mind and he wanted to throw up.

"I-I…Hermione I – " He couldn't speak; the emotions were making it impossible to even form a coherent sentence.

"What if I had hurt you?" He hadn't meant to yell but his voice came out sharp and fierce. He felt worse when Hermione jumped away from him.

"W-what are you talking about? No one's hurt." She said calmly.

"But there could've been! There could've been…" This thought was too much and Remus choked on his next words.

Hermione was dying. The expression on Remus' face was terrible, so full of pain and self hatred. Her heart was full of worry and she wished she knew what to say so that Remus would see that everything was okay, that he didn't need to blame himself for what had happened. No was hurt.

"Stay away from me." He growled.

"W-what?" Hermione was so shocked she stepped away from him again. "What are you saying?" She couldn't breathe.

Remus stood and put as much distance between himself and Hermione as the room would allow.

"Remus, stop. I don't understand. If you would just talk to me."

"I was a fool to think I could ever be with you."

"Don't say that – "

"I will not be the cause of your suffering!" Remus grabbed his hair as if he wanted to split his skull in half. His feet began pacing of their own accord. "What if you had been the one to go down that tunnel Hermione? I WILL NOT be the one to hurt you!"

"WHAT? That is what you're worried about?" Hermione grabbed Remus' arm to make him stop pacing. "Do you not think I am capable of protecting myself? I've seen far worse things than werewolves and I've been able to get by! I don't want to hear you talk like this anymore." Hermione sent a hex to drop his trunk and stomped across the room to grab it. She dragged it away from him and before he could stop her, she threw it open and began tossing his clothes on the bed. "You! Are! Not! Leaving!"

"Do you not realize how dangerous I am you silly girl?"

Hermione's mouth dropped open and she threw his own shoe at his head. "Silly, am I!" She launched herself at him and pounded his chest with her fists. "You're such an idiot! Shut up! Just shut up!"

He grabbed her wrists and she could feel him tensing, as if he was resisting the urge to throw her across the room. "You are acting like a child."

Hermione choked on a sob and dropped her head into his chest. Sobs were raking her body and she was ashamed that she couldn't stop. "I- I- I'm s-sorry. P- please don't leave me." Remus had stopped breathing beneath her touch and she had to see his expression. To know if he was feeling the same way she was. She forced herself to look up.

Hermione sucked in a breath when she met Remus' eyes, which were a brilliant gold. "With me you will always be in danger and I – " He stopped speaking and backed away from her. "I – "

Hermione sniffed and wiped her nose. He hadn't hurt her at all but she was a little frightened by his expression. She'd never see him like this. "What? You what?"

Remus' breaths became shallow and Hermione watched his eyes fade back to blue. "I love you."

Tears sprung to Hermione's eyes and despite their fighting she felt warmth fill her and she wanted to hug him until he realized she'd never let go and he could not leave.

But he beat her to the punch and he was holding her so closely she could barely breathe. "I love you." He whispered into her hair and she wanted to answer. To tell him that she felt the same way. She opened her mouth but was stopped by his urgent whisper. "I love you and so I must leave you." Then his warmth was gone and before she could move he had magically repacked and was walking out the door. It slammed behind him and Hermione's knees gave out. They painfully jabbed into the rug and the breath was knocked from her chest.

H- he left.

Hermione's tears dried after a few moments and she moved to his bed. She fell heavily on her stomach and her face was buried by his fluffy pillow. It smelled like him, like the forest and chocolate. Was there nothing she could have said to stop him? Had she said the wrong things?

She remembered after Dumbledore had died and Tonks had convinced Remus to that they could be together. What had she said again?

"You see?"said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different." Said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely – "

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told you a million times, " said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…"

The similarities between this conversation and her own with Remus were disconcerting. Tears continued to stream down her face and she was filled with humiliation. Did she really love Remus as much as Tonks? And even if she did, so what? Remus would be with her in the end… Hermione gasped and clutched her chest in pain. What did she know about love? She was only seventeen and the closest she had ever gotten was maybe with Ron… but the last few months… The joy she'd feel when he'd enter the room or smile at her or when he'd study with her and wouldn't tease her for her love of books. The graceful way he carried himself and always spoke so gently to her. That…that warmth when he was close or kissing her behind tapestries and how his pain was her pain…

Hermione jumped to her feet.

She ran so fast from the room her robes whipped behind her and she threw it off so she could try and be faster. The black material fluttered to the ground behind her on the staircase as she flew out of the Common Room and down to the Entrance Hall. She bowled over a few first and second years on the way but finally she reached the top of the stairs as Remus was opening the front door.

"REMUS!" Hermione shouted and laughed in delight when he froze and looked up at her in surprise. She didn't want to think of the state she was in, red-faced, her hair flying in every direction and her desperate gasps for air. Maybe she didn't know what love was….maybe she would ruin everything…but that slight chance, that tiny sliver of hope that she might love Remus was too much to give up. "I don't care!"

Remus' look of confusion was too much and she burst into hysterical laughter as she sprinted down the stairs. She took a steadying breath before approaching him again and smiling. "I don't care about the consequences because… I don't want anyone but you." Hermione grabbed his collar and brought his head down so she could kiss him properly. When she released him she was overjoyed to see him smiling slightly. Such a small thing and yet it was filling her with such happiness. No. She could not give this up. "I didn't just run down those stairs for nothing so you're going to pick up this trunk and put it back in your room or I swear I'll hex you into next Tuesday."