Disclaimer: Let me just remind you that I do not own Harry Potter or anything that you recognize in this story, the wonderful, fantastic, magnificent, marvelous, amazing, brilliant, beautiful blonde called J.K. Rowling does….love her :) And if you did not know this you need to get out from under that rock you're living under.
A/N: Wow sorry about the wait on this one guys that was pretty pathetic of me but I'm taking summer classes so I can be done with college sooner rather than later and it is just EATING away at my time and energy! Who saw Harry Potter this weekend! That was my attempt at changing the subject :). Fantastic no? I'm very sad it's over but thank God for fanfiction right?
So long to midnight shows and all-nighters trying to read the Harry Potter book that just came out. Goodbye to brave characters and DA meetings and butterbeers at the Leaky Cauldron. Goodbye until I open those life-changing (as nerdy as this sounds) books to read again and again and again. Yes the last chapter has closed but it will always be a part of my life and I hope, of yours. Love to all Harry Potter fans like me! I raise my Firewhiskey to you, here here!
Chapter 18
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
1997:
Remus dropped to Harry's side and examined his injured arm, which Harry had forgotten about in the last few minutes. "You're going to be alright Harry, I promise."
"But Remus, what about all these werewolves? The guards? Malfoy? How exactly are we supposed to get out of here?" Harry sighed and gently moved away from Remus. "How could you leave Lupin?"
Remus continued to stare at the ground. "I lost my wand so I can't heal you but I'll see if I can find any Dittany in these woods. For now we'll just clean it."
"No. First I want to know why you left!" Harry shoved Remus away and glared at him through narrowed green eyes.
"Harry you're wound is infected. It needs to be cleaned or you'll lose it." Remus ignored Harry's protests as he grabbed Harry's arm. He tried wiping some of the dirt away but stopped when Harry hissed in pain.
There was silence for a while as Harry moped and Remus tried to decide what to tell him. Remus knew Harry deserved the truth, considering he'd come all this way to help him but Remus wasn't particularly proud of his actions.
"Where's Hermione?" Harry finally said when Remus had trouble telling Harry something.
"She's…" Remus struggled for a moment before groaning and making himself comfortable. "Harry I don't want you to panic over this, Hermione is safe and she is not in any sort of danger."
"I really don't like how you're starting this explanation Lupin." Harry growled.
Remus groaned and rubbed his temple, sometimes simple was just the way to go, "Hermione thought that she could save Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore?" Harry said the name as if he had never known the man. It didn't make any sense. "But I thought wizards couldn't bring back the dead. That's what Dumbledore told me." Harry didn't mention that he had been talking about his parents but he had a feeling Remus knew.
"That's true." Remus nodded. "But she had a Time-Turner."
"All the Time-Turners were destroyed in the Ministry Battle." Harry interrupted.
"Except for one." Remus said.
Harry was silent. "I'm guessing it didn't work then."
"No." Remus ran his hand through his graying, thinning hair. "Something happened with her Time-Turner. She went too far back. I think someone supposedly messed with it."
Harry stared at Remus. "How far?" After his short years in the wizarding world many strange things had been revealed as possible, time travel the least of them.
"Twenty years."
Harry's jaw dropped. "Twenty years!"
Remus waited for Harry to calm down before continuing. "She ended up in the year 1976. In our sixth year." Remus actually smiled at this. "Nearly gave us a heart attack when we saw her." He chuckled.
Harry didn't get the joke. "When you say 'we'…. You mean she met my parents?" Harry half whispered. Despite the danger he thought Hermione might be in at this moment he couldn't help but feel jealous.
Remus chuckled again. "Yes Harry. Even Sirius was half in love with her."
Harry smiled at that but then thought about it for a moment before his amusement turned to horror. "What!"
Remus frowned at Harry's reaction….when he found out about him and Hermione… "She never encouraged him but he was at it every day. Leaving her flowers and singing to her in Hogsmeade. It's not as if he could really understand that she's half his age Harry. And Hermione is a very pretty girl."
Harry was staring at Remus in bewilderment. "What did you say?"
Remus blushed but quickly stood. "I'll explain everything to you soon Harry. But first I need to get us out of here. I'll come for you tonight." And with that Remus left Harry in a stunned silence.
The conversation with Harry had left him thinking though. What would happen when Hermione returned? He loved her the same as if she'd left him yesterday, now that all his memories had come back in one go but… he also loved Tonks…
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Remus woke up sweaty and panting in fright. Another nightmare. They had never stopped since Sirius had died. After that loss Remus had been unable to look at the war the same again, after everything, he'd lost him for a second time. He'd lost every one of his friends. One by one. Slowly swallowed by the tides of war and for an effort that Remus sometimes, in his worst moments, he wondered if it was all worth it. Then he would see Harry fighting so hard to destroy Voldemort and he would be ashamed of his weakness and he had decided a long time ago to put all his trust in Harry and fighting until the end.
He could remember when he'd discovered that Lily and James were killed and Sirius had supposedly killed Peter and betrayed James and Lily. It had been a horrible moment, one of the worst of his life. But reading Peter's name on the Marauder's map three years ago had been awful, he had felt as though everything he knew had been a lie, Peter the true betrayer and Sirius the friend. Seeing Sirius after twelve years had been heart breaking. They should've had years to mourn the loss of their friend, to hate the man that had destroyed all their lives.
But Sirius and Remus had mistrusted the wrong person; put their faith in the wrong person. They both had been suspicious of the other, convinced that one of them was the spy and was the one leaking the information to Voldemort, they had been so focused on each other they hadn't even noticed Peter. What would be different if Sirius hadn't gone behind Remus' back and switched Secret-Keeper with Peter? If only Sirius had switched with him. If only he had trusted his friend, like in their school days. Remus didn't like to think about the possibilities, it was too horrible to think of what could have been saved or lost.
Sometimes Remus had wondered if being a Marauder meant that you were cursed.
Remus tossed his thin sheet from his body and hesitantly moved off his cot. Glancing around he could see the other cots were full of other members of the pack, all fast asleep.
It was lucky his dream had waken him, his plan had been to stay up until everyone was asleep and then to head out and find Harry's confiscated wand to make things easier and then they could sneak off before anyone noticed they were gone. But he must have fallen asleep waiting for the others.
Remus tip toed past the sleeping men until he was able to duck out the tent entrance and see that the nightly fire had burnt out. The sky was a light gray color and Remus cursed his foolishness in falling asleep. He and Harry would have less time to escape now.
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Harry sat in his tent, eagerly awaiting Remus' arrival and their inevitable escape. In this damnable tent he had nothing to do but reflect and brood. It wasn't healthy.
A noise outside the tent made Harry jump to his feet and he prepared to make a run for it. Any second now.
But Harry was forced to retreat from the exit when a group entered the small space. Harry was frozen in terror when he recognized Remus being dragged between two of the werewolves. When they released him, Remus slumped to the floor and Harry regained enough sense to scramble forward and to check to see if Remus was okay. His face was beaten up pretty badly, an ugly bruise was blooming over his left eye and his lip was swelling.
"What did you do to him?" Harry asked in astonishment. Why had they even hurt him?
His question was answered when Malfoy entered the tent and stared down at Harry and the beaten Remus in distain. "Did you honestly think you could escape so easily boy?" He let out a cruel laugh that had Harry bristling in anger. "I have to go soon. The Dark Lord will be made aware of your location, and he will come for you Harry Potter and you and your pathetic resistance will all be killed." Malfoy's smile was grotesque. "So I guess this is goodbye."
One of the werewolves that had carried in Remus let out a barking laugh. "Have you forgotten who actually caught the boy? He belongs to us!" There was a howl of approval from the surrounding werewolves and Malfoy had a hard time keeping the distain off his face.
"We have not joined your Dark lord yet, Malfoy." Another wolf joined in.
Harry tuned out their bickering and studied Remus. He seemed to be waking up and Harry dragged him away from the fray in case fighting broke out. No one noticed him pull Remus into the corner of the tent. "Are you alright?" Harry whispered.
Remus nodded and glanced at the crowd. "I'm sorry Harry. They caught me while I tried to retrieve your wand."
"It's okay Lupin." But it wasn't okay, all the hope that had been building up through the night was seeping out of him. They had no hope of ever getting out of this alive now. Not unless they were saved.
Remus was looking better by the moment. He even managed to pull himself up into a sitting position.
The crowd suddenly left and Harry stared after them.
"What's going on?"
"There has been a lot of infighting." Remus explained. "Half the pack wants to join Voldemort but Malfoy's presence has stirred up a lot contempt. Torin has had a hard time of keeping everyone under control."
"Torin?"
"The alpha-er… I mean the leader." Remus said awkwardly.
Harry sighed and leaned against one of the many wooden crates in the tent. This must have been where everyone put storage because no one came in very often.
"We have nothing but time until someone comes to find us I guess." Harry murmured.
Remus flinched at his dark tone but nodded his head in agreement. "Someone will discover your absence soon if they haven't already.
"And Tonks knows you're gone." Harry said hopefully.
"True."
There was silence for several minutes until Remus said faintly. "I missed our wedding."
"What?" Harry hissed.
Remus clenched his fist and stared at a point over Harry's left shoulder. "It was supposed to be small, just her parents and a few friends from the Order." Remus dropped his head. "Yesterday, it was supposed to be yesterday. You were invited too of course but we were worried about your safety."
Harry couldn't answer.
"I think I-" Remus gulped and stared harder at his shoes. "I think I'm glad I missed it." He whispered.
Harry sucked in a breath and looked away. Remus was acting so strange.
"But why would I feel like that? I love her."
Harry frowned. "But if you loved her….why would even question marry her?" Harry, who could think of only one girl who he would ever want to marry, could not understand why Remus was hesitating. "I thought all your doubts were gone after Dumbledore-"
"It's happening so fast I just-" He didn't finish and Harry couldn't bring himself to ask.
"Well I hope you figure it out."
Remus sighed.
"Why did you leave?" Harry stared hard at Remus' crumpled expression. "What's changed?"
The question was unavoidable now, Remus was stuck in this tent with Harry for a while and he couldn't just leave….or lie.
"After Hermione left to come back to the future-"
"Where is she then? If she left then where is she?"
"I honestly don't know Harry, I'm just as worried as you."
Harry snarled. "She could be stuck in another strange time! Who would let her travel around like that all by herself?"
"She's a big girl Harry-"
"Who?"
"Well Dumbledore is the one who took my memories so he must have known about her."
"Your memories?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you Harry. After Hermione left, Dumbledore took all our memories of Hermione, possibly so we wouldn't recognize her and I only recently got them back."
Harry shuffled away from Remus. "You… but then… how would you not remember? How could you forget that Hermione was in your sixth year? Something else must have happened." Harry muttered the last sentence. But the questions seemed to bring him to life and Harry sat up from the ground.
Remus followed Harry's progress and nodded, hoping to keep Harry alert. "Yes. Dumbledore, he took our memories. I don't know why but perhaps he thought it was for the best." Remus said absently.
Harry snorted. "But if you had kept your memories you could have stopped her from going back." Harrry reasoned.
I don't think I would have stopped her. Remus jumped at the horrible thought. What was wrong with him for thinking such a selfish thing?
"You can't change the past Harry. But the future… the future is never certain." Remus trailed off.
"But prophecies – "
"Yes prophecies can predict the future but our choices are ultimately what decide it. Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?"
Harry didn't answer for a long time. "Yes." He whispered. Remus wondered at his far off look and pale complexion but didn't comment.
"When people hear a prophecy, sometimes by trying to change it they end up making it happen anyway." Remus explained needlessly. "But Divination and all this fate and 'Destiny' talk is theory, I think Dumbledore must have believed it since he took our memories."
"How did you get your memories back?"
Remus was silent.
"Remus?"
"Harry I – " Remus cleared his throat and studied his boot for a moment. "I fell – I fell in love with her Harry."
Harry was shocked into silence. "You mean you – you and Hermione?" Harry said hoarsely. "But you're – "
"Old?" Remus said bitterly.
Harry didn't answer. The silence was long as Harry tried to digest this. His best friend and their teacher. Hermione and Remus. Hermione and his father's best friend. Harry gulped and tried to shake the image. Hermione and Remus. But at the same time… They were alike…. And he guessed that Remus had been handsome in school. Not that that was the most important thing, but he didn't know the whole story. What did he understand of love and the human heart?
Harry sighed. "So you mean it? You love H- Hermione?"
Remus sucked in a breathe but after a while he met Harry's gaze steadily. "More than anything."
Harry stared at Remus. "You better take good care of her and figure all this out Remus or I swear I'll rip you to shreds!"
Remus was shocked into silence for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Harry! I could never-" He laughed more until he was calmed down and could meet Harry's amused face. "Of course sir."
Harry snorted. "Sir? You're twice my age!"
"Yes but you said it just like her father or something."
Harry chuckled with Remus. "Sorry sir but I mean it, if you so much as crack that little heart of hers-You don't even want to know." Harry nodded confidently.
Remus smiled fondly at the boy who looked just like James and yet, he was more like Lily than anything. "She talked about you a lot. It was always 'Harry and Ron this' or 'Harry and Ron that.'"
"Are you jealous or something?" Harry smirked and Remus snorted.
"Of a scrawny git like you? Right."
"I'm not that skinny!"
Remus patted Harry's shoulder. "James filled out eventually and so will you."
Harry swatted Remus away. "Oh shut up."
"No really! I bet that's the real reason Lily was put off by him for so long, it wasn't because he was too much of a Marauder and hexed first years until he was sixteen but because he was too skinny! I have discovered the truth!" Remus said triumphantly and Harry punched his arm.
"Shut it!"
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1976:
Lily stood in the seventh floor corridor, glaring at the wall across from the portrait of Barnabus teaching those trolls ballet.
It hadn't been so long ago that she had come here with Hermione, James and his friends to play drinking games. A fun night to be sure, and if she was honest with herself, a turning point in the way she viewed James. She could attribute it to the alcohol but…that would be cheating. James had changed. Lily wasn't sure when but he had. Sure he still asked her to Hogsmeade trips and always seemed to just be with her but his gaze wasn't so unnerving and she could have a proper conversation with him and even have fun doing it.
But she wasn't here to think about James.
What had been the trick to open the door? She'd been too drunk that night and she couldn't remember how they had made that door appear but she really really wanted to get away for only a few minutes. All she needed was a place to be alone and to just get away. Alice had been pestering her all day and as much as she loved the girl, Lily had lost her real best friend less than twenty four hours ago. Had it really been such a small amount of time? To her it felt like years.
The sound of approaching footsteps stopped her musings and Lily looked around frantically for somewhere to hide. She couldn't face anyone and pretend to be happy.
She noticed a statue of a knight and quickly ducked behind it as a figure turned the corner and entered her corridor. They only had to take a few steps before reaching a lamp and Lily could see their face.
James?
He was holding a piece of parchment and every once in a while he would study it before looking around. He was slowing scanning the hall. "Lily?" He hissed. "Lily?"
Lily blushed. Had he actually come looking for her?
"Lily I know you're here." He had stopped moving and was only standing a few feet away. "Were you trying to get in the Room of Requirement?" He was looking in her direction, she didn't know how he knew where she was but he did. He stuffed the parchment in his pocket before coming closer to the knight statue.
Hoping to keep some of her dignity, Lily stepped out from behind the statue and smiled at James. It wasn't a very convincing smile. "Hey." She said.
"Knew you were around here somewhere." He smiled widely at her but after a few minutes he stopped.
The silence was too much. Lily hid her smirk as she shuffled around, waiting for James to say something else.
"So- um- Did you need something?" Lily asked.
"Oh! Oh- yeah um- I actually came to check on you." James gestured to her. "And obviously you're fine!"
Lily couldn't help it, she burst into a fit of giggles.
At her laughter James' heart leapt to his throat, it must have been the first time he'd ever been able to make her do that, sober of course. James grinned, too happy to realize that he still hadn't told her why he had followed her.
"So you'll be leaving then?"
"What?" Now James was hurt.
"Well, you came because you were worried…." She trailed off. "You were worried weren't you?"
"Yes! Yes! Exactly! I thought maybe you might need…I don't know- someone to talk to." He shrugged. "Hermione said you were pretty upset yesterday."
Lily sighed and her radiant expression disappeared. "I thought I might have some privacy. Maybe get into that room-"
"Room of Requirement."
"Right- well I thought I could get in there and be alone."
James nodded sympathetically. "I'll show you how then."
Lily raised her eyebrows. She'd thought he wouldn't catch the hint that she wanted him to leave but he had offered to help and wasn't bugging her about being by herself.
So the Stag Animagus showed her how to think about what you need- somewhere to be alone- and then pace in front of the wall and a door would appear, with everything you'd asked for inside.
"Pretty simple." He said as he opened the door for her. Inside was a single chair with a roaring fire and plush rug. It was quite a beautiful, peaceful-looking room.
"I love it." She breathed as she brushed past him and looked around at the shelves of books. How many other Hogwarts students had been upset and had come here for solitude?
James grinned from the doorway.
Honestly, she didn't think it would be so bad if he stayed. He was being quite-
Lily squealed as a second chair appeared next to her from nowhere. "W-what?" She looked at James for answers and he smiled as he stepped through the door.
"So I guess you do want me to stay then?"
"N-no, it just-"
"Lily, a few seconds ago the room wouldn't even let me in. You did say you wanted to be alone but now…" He stared pointedly at the second chair.
Lily blushed so brightly it matched her hair and James still couldn't help but wonder at her beauty. She looked away from him and went to sit in the chair, not able to meet his eyes she was so embarrassed.
James joined her in the second chair and for a while they were silent.
"If you really do want me to go-"
"It's fine."
More silence.
"How did you become an Animagus?" Lily asked suddenly.
James beamed. "Wasn't very subtle of me yesterday was it?" He was quiet but then sat up and met Lily's eyes. "It was because of Remus."
Lily didn't answer him for a few seconds. "Animals can't be bitten by werewolves." She muttered. "So you did it to be with him on full moons?"
Pleased that she had caught on so quickly he nodded. "Yeah! He was hurting himself you see-"
"It's very difficult to become an Animagus. It takes a lot of magical skill and devotion." She interrupted him. Lily glanced at James who was staring at her. He did it so much that it never really bothered her anymore. Sometimes it was annoying but… flattering. "That was very nice of you James."
"I have my moments."
Lily chuckled for the second time and James' heart skipped a beat. "Yeah. Sometimes."
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" - then Hermione flew down the stairs and stopped Remus just in the nick of time." Alice sighed in a romantic way that thankfully, none of the Marauders caught on to.
"This isn't exactly how I remember it." Remus muttered. Alice shushed him with a wave of her hand.
"No. No that's how it happened!" Alice protested. "Now I'm telling the story!" Alice turned back to Sirius, James and Peter who watching Remus' exasperated expression with amusement. "Then she – ow!" Alice stopped when Hermione pinched her arm rather painfully but soon realized her mistake. Hermione's eyes were wide with fright and Alice quickly remedied the situation. "Well she said something to him and then helped him carry his things back up to the Gryffindor Tower. That's the end." She ended cheerfully. Beaming with delight that Hermione had found such a great guy. Remus really was the sweetest and most mature of his friends. Just like Hermione.
Very few people had been in the Entrance Hall to notice Hermione's flight down the stairs and the kiss. No one had seemed to care either, that is, except for Alice. Who had talked of nothing else all weekend. It was now Monday and the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff sixth years were in Transfiguration. Changing Parakeet's to pocket watches that could sing the time. No one was doing much transfiguring though.
The dense trio thanked Hermione profusely for stopping Remus without comment but a smarter witch's eyes were flicking between Remus and Hermione in interest.
"What exactly did you say to make him stay Hermione?" Lily smiled at Hermione's blush.
"Oh you know." She muttered. "Just that he was an idiot."
James, Peter and Sirius burst into laughter and clapped Remus on the back.
"Don't worry mate. She says that to me all the time." Sirius laughed.
"Do you find my lesson amusing Mr. Black?" McGonagall asked from the front of her class. Everyone noticed the slight smile on her lips except for Sirius who jumped to attention and sat up perfectly straight.
"No Professor!"
James and Peter sniggered.
When McGonagall was distracted by a girl from Hufflepuff in the front row Sirius turned back to his friends and gave them a sheepish grin. "I don't think she'll ever trust me again."
"You'll get her trust when you've earned it." Lily concluded and James gave her a sweet smile (which she did not notice).
Remus patted Sirius shoulder and they shared a look. For Hermione, it had been nice to see how quickly Remus forgave Sirius.
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After Transfiguration, Hermione was walking with Remus and Sirius to the library. Every once in a while Remus would brush the back of his hand against hers and it made her blush. It had felt almost too easy to convince him to stay, hadn't Tonks said she'd begged him a million times to make him realize she loved him? But Hermione knew that the older Remus was probably much more practical, he'd been lonely for twelve years after Sirius was sent to Azkaban and Peter….Hermione froze. Why would Remus be lonely? He had James and Lily didn't he?
"Hermione?"
But it didn't make any sense. She had the very strong sense that Remus had been alone for twelve years. It was a fact. Had she lost some memory of James and Remus having some sort of fall out? She was so confused Hermione began to rub her temples frantically. What was happening? She could feel a breakdown coming on. Her breath was speeding up and her surroundings were fuzzy.
"Hermione! What's wrong love?"
"I- I'll be right back." Hermione ducked away from Sirius' arm and headed to the nearest girl's bathroom. Once she was safely inside she ran to the sink and took deep breaths, hoping to rid herself of the need to puke. She was scared. Something was missing from her own memories but for the life of her she couldn't remember what it was. What if it was important?
Hermione forced herself to stop thinking about it and clenched the edges of the sink until her knuckles turned white. After a few moments her breathing turned normal and she was able to take in her surroundings. Unfortunately she was in the second floor girl's bathroom. There was no sign of Myrtle but there was a different sound. It sounded very close to sobs but not the loud screams of Moaning Myrtle, these were quieter and sounded if someone was trying to stifle them. Maybe they didn't want her to hear?
"H-hello?" Hermione called tentatively. There was another gulping gasp from the last stall and Hermione hesitantly approached it, completely forgetting her own misfortunes for the moment. "Are you alright in there?" Before Hermione could reach out a hand to open the stall the door swung open and Hermione's jaw dropped. Standing with red eyes and running nose was none other than Doriana. "Doriana!" Hermione gasped but closed her mouth and stood awkwardly. It wasn't as if she and the Ravenclaw had been close these few months but she still knew the girl.
"Hermione." The girl sniffed before brushing her long hair behind her shoulders and angrily swiping her cheeks. She brushed past Hermione and went to the sink. She stood a little taller as she dipped her hands in the running water and refusing to meet Hermione's eyes. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
Hermione frowned as she approached the girl. She was unsure if she should press her for why she'd been crying. A part of her wanted to know but another part thought that maybe it had to do with Remus. "Why were you crying?" Hermione forced out.
Doriana shook her hands dry before meeting Hermione's eyes. "Nothing."
Hermione remembered in her first year, she'd been crying in a bathroom. All alone. Shame swelled in her and she forgot that Doriana wasn't her friend. "It didn't sound like nothing." Hermione said kindly.
They were both silent for a long time.
"I know I'm not a pleasant person." Doriana turned back to the mirror and seemed to study her face. "I have never had many friends."
Hermione wasn't sure what to say but felt a surge of empathy, she knew what it was like to not have friends after all.
"One time. I was studying in the library when a fifth year Slytherin girl knocked my books off the table and went away laughing." Doriana's eyes narrowed as she recalled the memory and Hermione was unsure what to say. "I was a second year." Doriana glanced at Hermione's face. "Remus helped me pick up the books, spoke words of encouragement, asked me my name and year. Kind person that he is." Doriana's eyes welled up with tears. "I have liked him for a long time. Even knowing that I do not deserve such a nice person." Doriana trailed off and after a moment she just glared at her reflection it was as if Hermione was no longer in the room. Doriana looked as if she was going to punch the glass and Hermione's eyes widened in fright. But the girl looked away from her reflection and took deep, even breaths and managed to calm herself.
"Everyone deserves someone." Hermione said certainly but Doriana ignored her.
"This year I made it my prerogative to talk to him. To be his friend. To make him see that I love him. It didn't turn out quite like I planned, this year has been so jumbled, it's all messed up." Hermione swallowed, if this year was so different…what would've happened if she wasn't here? Could things have gone differently for Doriana then? Would she be with Remus? "But in the process I have lost the few friends I had in Ravenclaw." Doriana dropped her head. "They are angry with me for always sitting at the Gryffindor table. And it was all for nothing." Doriana gasped as more tears fell down her pale face. "Remus does not want me. He never did."
Hermione stood frozen. She had a feeling that this was the first time Doriana had ever revealed her true feelings to anyone. In a way she was much luckier than Doriana. She had always been blessed with good friends like Harry and Ron and now the Marauders, Lily and Alice. And she had Remus.
She had everything Doriana wanted and she felt a little sick about it. After all, it had all come so easy for her…
Hermione's chest welled with pity for the girl next to her and before she knew what she was doing she hugged her.
"I'm sorry Doriana."
The girl didn't answer but slowly reached around to hug Hermione back. "Thank you, but it's not like any of this is your fault." She whispered.
Hermione gulped.
After a while they separated and Doriana wiped her face clear. "I know I haven't been very nice to you." Doriana muttered as she picked up her book bag. "But thank you for listening to me."
"Anytime." Hermione nodded and smiled shyly.
"Actually," Doriana nervously adjusted her bag's strap and wouldn't look at Hermione. "I'm transferring after this year."
"You're what?" Hermione gasped.
Doriana sighed. "I think I'll be better off at Beauxbatons. I can make new friends…Start over. Work on my French." She shrugged. "No one will know my reputation for being a bitch." She laughed bitterly.
"No one thinks-"
Doriana raised an eyebrow at her.
"Based on today, I'd say your very nice deep down."
"Yes, very deep down." Doriana smiled at Hermione to let her know she was only joking.
Hermione could actually see it. Doriana had the same proud way of talking and confidence as Fleur. Not now that she was crying of course but Hermione could see her fitting in at that school much better than here. "If- if that's what you want." Hermione said hesitantly.
"It is." She said finally. "But I feel just terrible, I've been really awful, more than you even know, I think and I just wish there was some way to make it up. You've been nicer to me than I deserve."
Hermione's guilty conscience took several blows from this, Remus was with her even though Doriana had liked him for such a long time. Hermione couldn't meet the girl's eyes as she muttered, "No no. You don't owe me anything."
"But I want to give you something." Doriana tapped her chin with a long finger before snapping and pointing excitedly at the uncomfortable Hermione. "I know! The prefect's bathroom! If Ravenclaw tower is anything like the Gryffindor's you don't have bathtubs right? And I bet that goody two shoes Lily Evans hasn't ever given you the password!"
"Er- no but I don't-"
"That's it then! The password's 'mermish' and they change it every week so this is a limited time offer missy! And if you get caught, I didn't give you the password got it?" Doriana growled.
Hermione was about to refuse when the thought of a nice long bath sounded fantastic. She missed using the prefects bathroom. "Thanks Doriana. 'Mermish', you say? Ironic."
"What?"
"Never mind."
The blonde waved awkwardly as she made her way to the bathroom's exit. "See you 'round Hermione."
"Oh and Doriana!" Hermione shouted.
Doriana's head appeared around the door. "Yeah?"
"When you get to Beauxbatons, just be yourself. You know… the girl I met today." Hermione smiled. "Then you'll have more friends than you can deal with."
Doriana laughed before giving Hermione an appraising look. "If you say so."
Hermione stared at the place Doriana had left for a few moments before heading to the prefect's bathrooms. It was the middle of the day and everyone would be in classes, no one would even miss her. So she ducked through some of Harry's short cuts and made it to the door without meeting anyone.
Once she'd gotten inside and seen that it was completely empty she undressed and filled the bath with her favorite scents. The bathroom hadn't changed since she'd used it during her fifth and sixth years…..or it wouldn't change? Hermione brushed off the confusing time differences and slipped into the steaming water. After a while she added bubbles and played with them before relaxing into the smooth side of the bath and thinking over what this week had brought.
Hermione groaned as she slowly slid further and deeper into the soft, scented and warm water. Her mind was emptying, becoming clearer. Maybe she could do this before tests and it could help her relax enough to do even better?
She sighed in contentment as she completely immersed herself and the water closed over her head, with her eyes closed she felt as if she was shut off from everything, no sounds reached her ears and the only thing she could think, see or hear was water. Except for….
"Instead I want to capture all of the memories and put them in a sort a box, then stuff it into the corner of their minds. The friends you make here will be unable to access it but it would be less dangerous than trying to erase the memories completely…" She felt horrible that she would have to take away memories of her, Sirius and Remus especially, but none of them recognized her so they'd had them taken away somehow. "The only danger with this is that sometimes a person can access these memories. Love is a very powerful type of magic Hermione. Love would break open that box of memories of you."
Dumbledore's warning returned to her but so did another haunting conversation.
Tears sprung to Hermione's eyes and despite their fighting she felt warmth fill her and she wanted to hug him until he realized she'd never let go and he could not leave. But he beat her to the punch and he was holding her so closely she could barely breathe. "I love you." He whispered into her hair and she wanted to answer. To tell him that she felt the same way. She opened her mouth but was stopped by his urgent whisper. "I love you and so I must leave you." Then his warmth was gone and before she could move he had magically repacked and was walking out the door. It slammed behind him and Hermione's knees gave out.
But in her own time, in 1997, had Remus Lupin ever once acknowledged her as more than Harry's friend? As his student?
Hermione's head rose from the water suddenly and she choked on the water that seeped into her nose. As quickly as she could between coughs she went to the side of the bath and clutched the side. Her brain felt fuzzy, slow. Shaking uncontrollably, she climbed out and wrapped a towel around her.
He had not ever gotten his memories back….he did not love her and all this time, Remus was lying to her?
A/N: Wow how rude of me! Thank you guys so much for your support of this story like the alerts and favorites and reviews! Thank you a million times thank you!