Quick note. Sorry about such a late update, I could give you a billion excuses but mostly it was post-Harry Potter blues, it's actually over! *cries into pillow for thirty minutes then returns* I had to watch about fifty 80's movies to get back in a good mood to write ahaha Also, a lot of you guys have said I need a beta and I totally agree. I always make these silly little mistakes and I can imagine how annoying it is, so if anyone knows someone or would like to volunteer to beta for me, that would be awesome! And just for a fair warning, I'm freakishly erratic in my updating *obviously* I hate asking because I feel all conceited *nervous laugh* but I don't know, if no one wants to I'll manage same as usual! Okay there, I said it and now we can move on to the story!
Chapter 19
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr
It's been so long so here's a Recap: Hermione was sent to the past by a faulty time turner and Dumbledore is trying to get her a new one from the ministry who are being arseholes as usual. Dumbledore also explained that Hermione is slowly losing her memories as a sort of 'survival technique' and side-effect of improper Time-Turner use. Among the memories she's lost is her friend from grade school, Lily and James' deaths and Peter's betrayal, Alice and Frank's torture and various other vague memories. To keep herself sane Hermione has trapped her best memories of Ron and Harry and is keeping them safe in Dumbledore's pensieve. But despite Hermione's best efforts she's not doing a very good job of not changing the future. In the first couple of days Hermione manages to snog James and to get Sirius following her around like a lost puppy. Remus also notices Hermione but with a dangerously persistent Ravenclaw, Doriana, panting after him it's hard to get Hermione's attention. Hermione's met various people from the future, Snape, Regulus, Slughorn and Lily Evans and is at wit's end trying to keep everything straight. Finally she realizes Remus' feelings for her and hers for him and they begin a secret relationship to save Sirius' pride. She stops him from leaving Hogwart's after Sirius stupid prank and is content until a run in with Doriana. Dumbledore has promised to lock away her friend's memories of her in order to keep the future straight and the only way to get them back is with 'love'. So has Remus been lying when he says he loves Hermione?
Meanwhile in 1998 Remus and Harry have embarked on a desperate search for Hermione. After the return of his memories Remus is driven into the clutches of a dangerous werewolf clan. Harry follows his friend and is also captured. Voldemort will soon know of Harry's whereabouts and without a wand it looks like Remus and Harry are in deep trouble. Or will someone come to the rescue in the nick of time?
Hermione's head rose from the water suddenly and she choked on the water that seeped into her nose. As quickly as she could between coughs she went to the side of the bath and clutched the side. Her brain felt fuzzy, slow. Shaking uncontrollably, she climbed out and wrapped a towel around her.
Remus had not ever gotten his memories back….he did not love her and all this time, Remus was lying to her?
Hermione could feel her already shaky self confidence disintegrating. One moment she'd been on Cloud Nine, unaware of how much Remus and his attentions had been buoying her up until suddenly the truth of them came into question. Her pride had taken a few hits too but mostly it was her heart cracking that made her stumble across the bathroom. Hermione took deep, even breaths, trying to calm herself down.
Hermione hadn't really been using her head when she'd rushed into things with Remus. Everything had been too easy, his presence calmed and distracted her from the woes of the world. His kisses had forced thoughts of her uncertain future away and the memories. She'd learned to forget that she was forgetting things daily with Remus gently rubbing her neck and whispering his declarations of love in her ear. Hermione shivered and insanely wished that he was here now. From the beginning she had told herself that it was okay to enjoy this time with Remus. She'd believed she could protect her heart and keep a certain distance from him. Ha! She'd been so sure that she'd kept her heart heavily guarded so that she could return home and help Harry defeat Voldemort without looking back but she was stupid, arrogant and now she was paying for it ten-fold.
Everything was running away from her and she felt control slipping from her grasp. The situation had finally caught up to her. How did she have any hope of returning home when the simple thought that Remus might not love her sent her into a crippling despair? How would she cope when she was back with Harry and Ron and would sometimes see Remus and he would not recognize her?
The hole that had appeared in Hermione's chest in the last few minutes grew a little bigger.
She sniffed pitifully but shook her head and stood as straight as she could. There was no use disintegrating into a useless heap, what was done had been done and Hermione had made her choice. She loved Remus, that was clear now, and she couldn't take it back and she refused to apologize for it. Maybe another girl would crumble into a weak, pathetic lump but Hermione refused.
That didn't mean she wasn't hurting.
Hermione wrapped her arms around her chest as if holding her rib cage together and shuffled to Gryffindor Tower after she'd dressed and dried her hair. All the while trying to hold herself up and straighten up but her chest ached.
She was a little disgusted with herself.
Did you honestly think someone as intelligent, handsome and kind as Remus would ever want you?
With each self-loathing comment her stupid brain made Hermione's heart cracked over and over again.
Stupid stupid girl. Who would ever want you?
Hermione shook herself and tried to clear these thoughts away. They weren't helpful or true but it didn't really matter did it? Nothing seemed to be working.
Before she even realized she'd reached the portrait of the Fat Lady she'd grumbled the password and hoped she could make it to her dorm to take a nice long nap. Maybe Lily and Alice would leave her alone and she could sleep for a hundred years. Then all her problems would just go away. She slowly made her way down the tunnel to the Common Room.
"There you are!"
Hermione jumped as Sirius and Remus suddenly came into her field of vision, both with twin glares of irritation and worry. At the same moment their arms folded over their chests and they raised their eyebrows at her.
"Well?" They said together.
If she wasn't so miserable Hermione might have found their unity funny. But the horrible revelation only a few minutes ago was making her head spin and she felt closer to being sick on the common room floor than laughing.
"Remus. Sirius." She acknowledged their glares and tried to step around them. She couldn't face Remus right now. Maybe when she'd thought about what had happened in the bath and could find a way to deal with her breaking heart she could face him but not right now. But Remus grabbed her upper arm, forcing her to stop and look at him. Instead she studied a distant point over his shoulder and concentrated on not crying.
Immediately, Remus could see something was very very very wrong. Hermione's eyes, usually so full of life, were as blank as slate and she couldn't even meet his steady gaze. His heart pounded in worry and he searched her expressionless face for some kind of hint for why she was acting like a zombie.
She blinked a little more than normal and her eyes were becoming slightly shiny so he knew she was holding back tears. "Who's hurt you?" He snarled. The dark tone of his voice surprised himself and he felt guilt at Hermione's flinch.
"No one-"
"Remus?"
Remus had completely forgotten Sirius' presence and he quickly stepped away from Hermione. But he was so angry he could barely think. If someone had dared touch her he was going to rip their throats out. Remus' chest heaved up and down as his breathing became erratic and his normally bright blue eyes changed to a dark, threatening amber.
Sirius stepped past Remus and gently rubbed Hermione's arm. "What's wrong love? We were so worried when you just disappeared on us. You completely skived off Charms. " Sirius' thumb was still rubbing the inside of her bicep and Remus had the insane desire to break his friend's thumb. Already his emotions were running high because of his worry for Hermione and he could feel the wolf tearing away at his carefully built cage, jealousy raging in its yellow eyes and hate for whoever had hurt her in each snarl. If he didn't calm down he could completely loose himself.
He took deep, even breaths, scared that at any moment he would lose control and would destroy the Gryffindor Common Room or, God-forbid, hurt Hermione or Sirius. He was so worried about calming himself down he missed Sirius urgent whispers to Hermione.
"Remus has been in an uproar since you went missing Hermione, what's happened? Why did you run off like that?"
Hermione couldn't answer the concerned, grey eyed boy and searched for a way to get around speaking to either of them. For one minute she considered just ignoring them and running for the girl's dorms but she knew Remus was faster and would want to know why she was so desperate to get away from him.
Hermione swallowed thickly. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Remus finally said. His voice was much calmer and he was proud that the harsh tone was almost completely gone. Already he could feel the wolf shuffling to the corner of its cage and growling under its breath but still retreating.
"Remus please." She hissed so that Sirius could not hear and Remus' was completely perplexed. Then she tried to brush past him but he gently grasped her arm and began tugging her toward the portrait hole.
"Hey!" Sirius shouted and tried to follow but Remus sent him a warning look that shocked him enough to stop him.
"I need to speak with you." Remus said urgently.
She nodded mutely, reveling in the soft tones of his voice and the feel of his fingers on her skin. He pulled her through the portrait hole and to the left. The moment no one was in sight his warm hand slipped into hers and Hermione had to bite her lip to stop any tears. The first door they came to revealed a broom closet. Remus hesitated but Hermione squeezed his large, warm, perfect hand harder before pulling him inside.
The door shut with a click and they were immediately plunged into darkness.
"Lumos." Remus had drawn his yew wand and the light cast his features in frightening shadows. She was unexplainably scared by the imminent conversation, Remus did not love her, maybe he thought he did which was worse. But he the truth was that he didn't and it was only in the past few minutes that she loved him more than ever and she could not be angry with him for lying, no matter how hard she tried. Hermione relied on logic and based on everything she knew, Remus was not in love. But a small part of her hoped that she was wrong.
"Sweetheart?" He whispered, not noticing Hermione's cringe of agony at the simple word.
"What's wrong?" Remus' look of concern was too much and she fell back against the closet wall. Gods he was brilliant, his light of kindness and concern for her was blinding and she to look away. "Hermione?"
Didn't he see that his kind nature was only killing her faster? How did a buck-toothed, bushy haired, know-it-all end up with someone so perfect? Although, she might be slightly biased.
Gently, Remus reached out and slid his patient fingers through her unruly waves. "You are scaring me." He whispered in a strained voice.
She refused to cry.
But she could feel her eyelids throbbing and she sniffed a little.
"W-what would you do if I was lying to you?" She choked out. Hermione was surprised that she had been able to speak at all but now the question was out there anyway.
Remus' heart dropped and his grip on her hands tightened unconsciously. It took him a minute to find, what he hoped, were the right words. Little did he know they were almost too perfect. "Hermione, I have been perfectly honest with you since day one." Remus knelt and overturned two mop buckets. He sat in one and pulled Hermione down on the other. Then he set his lit wand down on the floor so they could see at least a little. They were so close his knees were on either side of her legs and even though she was cramped she felt warm and comfortable. "you're the first person I've never had to lie to. You already knew about my biggest secret remember?" He smiled sheepishly and Hermione caught herself smiling a little in return. "I lie all day, everyday to my friends and perfect strangers, knowing that if they knew the truth they'd hate me." Remus' eyes watered and he quickly cleared his throat. "But you… you Hermione have accepted me and even…" Here he paused and Hermione realized that during his speech she had been slowly inching toward him, hating him for lying and at the same time everything he said filled her with hope and warmth. "You even want to… to be with me… " He traced her jaw line and Hermione shivered. "How could I ever lie to you? And I would hope you would be comfortable enough to know you can be equally honest with me." He finished.
There was a long silence as Hermione absorbed his words and considered.
"But the future…" She said weakly.
Remus slumped and let out a breathy laugh. "Oh Gods, Hermione, I thought you were going to leave me!" He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a tight hug. "I understand there are some things you can never tell me."
"You don't understand – !" Remus shushed her with a quick kiss.
Despite her trepidation, Hermione's body betrayed her as Remus' fingers wound themselves in the loops of her jeans and pulled her closer. Her back arched closer to him. He let go of her waist with one hand and fisted it in her hair. He pulled away after a moment but kept a firm grip on her hair. They stared in each other's eyes for maybe three seconds but Hermione felt as if it had been years. There had been love in those blue eyes of his, it couldn't be anything else but she still could not shake the logic that had always helped her. Logic had saved her from the basilisk in second year, in third she'd saved Sirius with logic and now logic was telling her Remus didn't love her as much as he said he did.
But she had seen it.
It took a few seconds for her to calm down enough to quiet the blood pounding in her ears to hear Remus murmuring into her neck. "You probably won't believe me but you should know that I need you. I couldn't hide something from you even if I wanted to."
Hermione's stomach dropped to her toes.
"If this is about me trying to leave I know that was dumb and I'm sorry okay? I promise it'll never happen again."
Hermione was unsure if it was his tight grip on her or her guilt that was suffocating her. She couldn't breathe and a black fog was tunneling her vision.
Maybe he hadn't been lying to her… but she sure as hell had lied to him.
Who would lose their memories of her and forget the most wonderful few months of her life? Remus. Who was engaged to another woman in 1997? Remus. She was a hypocrite for not letting him leave Hogwarts when she could leave for 1997 at any time. She would go, and he wouldn't remember anything about her or know about what was going to happen to him because she was the liar.
Hermione's nose was buried in the crook of his neck and she in deep breaths to smell the familiar smell of the woods and chocolate that always clung to him. She was clinging to him so tightly her knuckles were white and shaking.
All her thoughts were wiped from her mind though when Remus pulled away and she looked up at him. His eyes were flashing gold again and it was even more startling in the half light. He moved toward her and gently ran his mouth up and down her neck. Then his mouth moved up from her neck to her lips.
Hermione moaned into Remus soft kiss which forced him to use all his self control to not slam her harder into the wall. He concentrated instead on the way her back was slowing arching into him, closing the distance between their bodies until her soft breast brushed his chest.
Remus sighed as he pulled away and laid his sweating forehead on her collarbone. He couldn't do this. Everything she did was so goddamn sexy there was no way he could control his howling, furious, wolf soul, which was currently cursing him for letting Hermione's pounding heart return to a normal pace.
"Remus? What's wrong?" Her hand gently moved from his shoulder to comb through his short hair. She played with a few strands until he finally answered.
"I think we might be- er- going too fast." He muttered. He touched her wrist and pulled away from her, her hands drove him crazy.
"Oh." Hermione whispered and blushed as what he was saying dawned on her. "I-um- okay then."
"Not that I don't like what we were doing!" He said hastily.
"Oh no, that is to say, I liked it too." She blushed even darker and Remus cleared his throat.
"Okay then."
"Okay."
Then she pounced on him and their kiss was even more feverish than before, her hands frantically running through his hair and his hands digging into her hips. This continued until Remus could feel his inner wolf howling appreciatively and egging him on. Whenever he thought something was a good idea, it was probably a good time to stop, with a frustrated sigh Remus jerked back and held Hermione's shoulders so she wouldn't attack him again.
"Seriously, we need to stop."
Hermione nodded but her eyes were hooded and Remus ignored the fact that she was staring at his mouth. He was forcing himself to stare at her dark brown eyes rather than her pouty, very bruised, very sexy lips. "Right. Whatever you say."
Remus growled and shook with the effort of not ending their sexual frustration, but it was too soon, much too soon. "Hermione, are you listening to me?"He stepped away from her, hoping to get some of their senses back.
Hermione blinked several times until she seemed to regain her senses and she nodded. "You're right." She stood and gently pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. This small display of affection left him shuddering and his stupid, traitorous, heart pounding wildly out of control. Godric how did this girl manage to send him over the edge with a bloody kiss on the cheek?
"Remus! Hermione!"
The couple tried to jump apart but the closet was too tiny and they're ruffled clothes and hair would give them away anyway.
The door swung open so quickly they were blinded by the sudden light.
"There you – " James stood just outside of the door and was staring down at them in surprise.
There was complete awkward silence as the three teenagers stood around gapping at each other.
Remus recovered first and stood up from the bucket. "Hermione's feeling better."
James raised an eyebrow and took in Hermione's more insane than usual hair and Remus' wrinkled shirt. "I'd say." James laughed and clapped Remus on the shoulder. "I knew you had it in you! I was wondering when you'd both get brains and just snog each other already."
"What!" Hermione shrieked, terribly embarrassed they'd been caught. One second she'd been upset and then he was kissing her and she'd gone crazy or something. She had no bloody clue why she'd attacked him but she was quite embarrassed enough as it was without James coming in and saying he'd knew it all along!
"You guys have been making eyes at each other for months." James rolled his eyes. "You're both stubborn."
"N-no we – " Remus said weakly. "Hermione was upset and I – "
"Oh give it a rest will you." James punched Remus' arm. "I think it's brilliant."
O
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One week later:
Hermione sighed as she dropped into an empty seat at the Gryffindor table. She was one of the few Gryffindors to even bother with breakfast after yesterday.
"Never knew you Griffs were such poor losers."
"Hello Doriana."
The blonde sat gingerly in the seat across from Hermione and glanced leisurely around at the three or four other Gryffindors.
"Actually that's not true." She snorted. "I had a feeling this would happen based on the Marauders reaction yesterday. Simply pathetic." She muttered as she reached for a piece of toast.
Hermione silently agreed but she wasn't about to give Doriana the satisfaction. It'd surprised nearly everyone when the Gryffindors lost. They'd looked fine for the first half, making a steady number of goals and the Slytherins seemed to be off their game. Hermione had been a little stunned by the intensity of the game, as if their life depended on it. She suspected part of the energy had come from the obvious hostilities between Sirius and his own brother. There'd been one or two close calls where Sirius would swoop too close and try to knock his brother off his broom. Not that Regulus was innocent, Hermione had only been able to watch in horror as the little cheat sent a hex that was meant to knock an unsuspecting Sirius from his broom and had only barely been missed. Regulus had gotten his revenge though later when the tides had turned and Regulus caught the snitch before the Gryffindor seeker noticed he'd even seen it. Hermione had seen how red James face was as he stormed and raved off to the locker rooms. From up so high Hermione could barely see Sirius' reaction but he'd been stiff as he walked to follow James. His face had a strange dead look but this wasn't unusual as all the Gryffindor team had looked a bit shell shocked.
Regulus on the other hand had been glowing and Hermione could've sworn he smiled. Nearly every Slytherin had stormed onto the field to congratulate the boasting, winning team and a sea of gold and red had left the pitch in a huff.
Hermione realized she had yet to answer Doriana and she blushed as she finally spoke. "It doesn't look like Remus will come down today Doriana." But she did not move away like Hermione expected so Hermione watched Doriana warily.
"I figured." Doriana spread butter thinly over her toast and did not meet Hermione gaze.
Hermione shrugged and returned to her pancakes. If she was not mistaken… it looked like she'd made a somewhat unwanted friend.
"Well… Christmas break is in a few days…" Doriana tried to continue the conversation and Hermione sighed.
"Yes well… I'll be staying here." Hermione said finally and poured a few more sugars in her oatmeal.
"Really?" Doriana said, honestly surprised but she quickly covered it by sipping pumpkin juice. "Sirius said something about you going to the Potter's."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "As is I'd go home with that lunatic."
Doriana flinched and guiltily stared at the slices of bacon. She wanted to own up to egging Sirius on about that, honestly she did but… she was still a little selfish. And who would seriously want to face the wrath of Hermione Granger? "He wouldn't dare try anything-" Then she thought better of that answer.
O
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"That little- little-"
"Hippogriff turd?" James sighed. He was currently cleaning his robes and doing a poor job in his agitated state.
"Good one." Peter laughed.
Sirius grimaced as he paced the room incessantly. "No, there's got to be something worse than that and when I figure it out I'm going to bury his nose in it and then strangle him. I swear I will." Sirius pounded his pillow in frustration. Finally he could take it no longer and he stood. Sirius took several steps away before spinning and sending a Reducto curse at the poor pillow and exploding it into smithereens. "They cheated. That's it!" Sirius shouted.
"Merlin!" Peter shouted as he ducked out of the way of exploding pillows. "You coulda killed me you fucking maniac!"
"Who are you talking about again?" Remus asked reasonably. Honestly he was a bit tired of Sirius, James and Peter moping since they'd lost yesterday and they had been repeating the same conversation for several hours.
"Regulus! Argh!" Sirius snarled and tried to kick his bed stand and was rewarded with a throbbing toe and perfectly fine piece of furniture. "I bet those Slytherins hexed our brooms or something."
There was silence for a few minutes as they considered it.
"Maybe… maybe we just lost." Peter said quietly. No one spoke.
"Maybe." Sirius slumped onto his bed, finally worn out from destroying random furnishings round the room for the past three hours.
"I'm hungry." Remus said hopefully. Maybe the moping was over and they'd finally get out of this room. They were all so dramatic, it was just quidditch.
"I'm too tired to go out." Sirius whined and reached for his no longer living pillow. Regretting his hasty actions he glared at Remus. "Gemino your pillow."
Remus rolled his eyes but did create a second pillow for Sirius.
Sirius ignored the proffered pillow though and stared out the window for a few moments, unmoving.
"Uh…mate?" James threw a robe at Sirius' head but the boy seemed to be completely transfixed by something outside.
"What d'ya see?" Peter leapt to his feet and stared out the window eagerly but the only thing he could see was the same old Quidditch pitch.
Sirius came out of his trance. "BRILLIANT!" He shouted and began leaping over beds to get to the door.
"Wait just a minute! What's brilliant?" James and Remus shouted together and managed to grab the scruff of Sirius' neck.
"I have an idea! A brilliant, wonderful, perfect idea!"
"Better run that idea by us first mate." Remus chuckled.
"You wouldn't want people thinking you're mad would you?"
"Mad? Mad? Who's mad? No this is brilliant!" Sirius' flailed his arms a bit before realizing Remus and James weren't letting him go and he made a conscious effort to get away. "Bugger off!"
"Now, now we're only trying to help you mate!" James said with a silly grin. Remus and Peter laughed at Sirius' furious expression.
"Oh alright but you're all arseholes." Sirius growled. He seemed to accept defeat for a moment before quickly changing into a great black dog and slipping through his friend's fingers. They laughed and shouted after him as Sirius slipped out the propped open door and changed back into a boy on the staircase.
O
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Lily was the second person to ask Hermione that dratted question, in the same day.
"So what are you doing for the holidays?" She asked Hermione innocently as they walked from the library to the Common Room.
"Oh um…" Hermione shifted her books around before shrugging. "Well my parents they um… Well I'm staying here actually." She said as lamely as possible.
Lily stopped in the middle of the hallway and Hermione had to backtrack.
"For Christmas? You'll be alone for Christmas?" Lily said in disbelief and Hermione glared at the few first years that had dared to stop and stare at them.
"Oh quit being so dramatic. It happens all the time." Hermione huffed and grabbed Lily's elbow to get her moving again.
"Not to my friends it doesn't!" Lily snapped and pulled away from Hermione. "You're coming home with me then."
"I – What?" Hermione asked in surprise.
"You heard me!" Lily sniffed.
"But I – I can't Lily."
"Well you won't be here alone and I'll drop dead before you go home with Sirius like he keeps telling everyone."
"Is that why you asked what I was doing for Christmas, you were wondering if I was really going home with James and Sirius?" Hermione smiled. She was quite happy that Lily had offered but there was no way she could accept. Lily was already too interested in Hermione's family situation, if the things Remus had been telling her were any indication. Apparently Lily had taken to asking the Marauders what they knew about Hermione's family.
"No!" Lily protested. But then blushed. "Oh alright. I was just wondering and I swear it was all Alice's idea to ask you!"
Hermione laughed. "I won't go home with anyone Lily. I'll just stay here alright?"
"Fine." Lily said and then Hermione realized they had been arguing in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady for several minutes.
"If you two are quite finished with your little spat." The pink dressed woman puffed herself up and Lily laughed into her hand as an embarrassed Hermione gave the portrait the password.
Both girls slipped past the still irate Fat Lady and stumbled into a crowded Common Room.
"Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, this will only be one night and one night only!" Sirius shouted over everyone's heads. He seemed to be standing on a table and although James, Remus and Peter were trying to coax him down it was only between sniggers.
Hermione, quick as ever, pushed through the crowd until she standing beneath Sirius. "And what exactly, will one night only Sirius?"
There were a few laughs from the crowd but to his credit, Sirius did not lose his smile. Instead he reached down and grabbed Hermione's hand to pull her on top of the table with him.
"Why Hermione!" Sirius kissed her hand lightly before she could snatch it away. "The Marauders are going to throw a little party. Nothing too out of the ordinary." Sirius shrugged but his grin was very mischievous.
"Uh huh. " Hermione frowned. "But you lost the Quidditch match or had you forgotten?"
Sirius grabbed his heart as if Hermione had actually wounded him and one or two people booed. "Love! You know just where to kick a man when he's down."
"Right."
"This party will be different, sort of a…" He paused to think, "just a little thing to raise spirits and end-the-year-right kind of party." He swung his arm around Hermione's shoulders eagerly.
"Whatever you want Sirius." There was a cheer and Hermione smirked, she had him. "It just can't be in here."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Sirius grinned wider and Hermione froze. She'd been sure they'd been planning on doing some mad, loud party in the Common Room again but when Sirius was grinning like that…
"You hear that lads?" Sirius raised an imaginary glass. "We have permission!" There was another cheer and Hermione's jaw dropped. She looked at Remus for support but he didn't seem to want to meet her gaze.
Wimp.
She caught James' eye. He only looked pointedly between her and Remus and gave her an exaggerated wink. He'd been doing this constantly since discovering them in the closet and she was growing quite annoyed with him.
Hermione gave up and hopped down from the table. "We'll see you there then?" Sirius grabbed her shoulder and Hermione brushed him off.
"Where exactly is this party supposed to be?"
Sirius grinned as if she had told him a great secret. "The Quidditch Pitch, obviously. We can't very well have it in here."
"THE QUIDDITCH PITCH? ARE YOU MAD!"
O
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After Sirius' speech and Lily managed to stop Hermione from beating him upside the head, Hermione and Lily headed to their dorm.
"Are they always pulling stuff like this?" Hermione complained.
Lily's laugh was light as she replied good-naturedly. "They actually haven't been as bad this year as they have in the past." Lily frowned as she opened the door to their room. "Funny… I hadn't really noticed since you pointed it out." Lily paused before making her way to her trunk.
Hermione rolled her eyes and slumped onto her bed. She hadn't been in the best of moods for the past week. She was forcing herself to be mad at Remus and it was growing increasingly difficult. Some days she wondered why she bothered, clearly he had no idea why she was causing the problems in their relationship or that she was doing it on purpose and it didn't make her feel any better. I wish I wasn't from the future. Then I wouldn't have to lie to him and we could have a normal relationship. She was shocked by this thought and quickly sat up.
Now that she wasn't lost in thought she could see Lily pulling shirt after shirt from her trunk.
"Er… Lily? What exactly are you doing?"
"Oh um…" Lily looked down at the purple shirt in her hands before tossing it on the bed. "I'm just… getting ready?" She said the last part as a question and reached in the trunk for a light green shirt.
"For what?"
"Honestly Hermione!" Lily snapped and slammed her trunk shut. Hermione jumped at the loud click. "To go to the party!" With furious jerks Lily began undressing and putting on the green shirt. "I'm not going to sit in here until Christmas break!"
Hermione sighed. "Right." She also stood and went to her trunk. It had a few shirts in it that she'd been able to buy on multiple trips to Hogsmeade but not much.
"And what are you doing?" Lily sniffed over her shoulder as Hermione shifted through the clothes in her trunk.
"Well I can't let you go alone." Hermione pondered a yellow shirt which Lily stomped over to snatch out of her hands.
"You're not going in that!" Then Lily went back to her clothes and dug around looking for something for Hermione.
Hermione glared at Lily, then, when she could not contain it anymore, she laughed. "Oh face it… We're just going for those idiots."
Lily paused before smiling. "I'll never tell."
O
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Remus slung back another firewhiskey and ignored the growing pounding of his head and the swaying of the crowd around him. He'd had enough of trying to always stay in control, of his grades, the growing rift between Hermione and himself and always, always, always, his caged inner-wolf that would ram and claw at his defenses daily. With each drink he could feel the wolf growing more impatient and the bars of its cage disintegrating.
"Remus!" A pissed Sirius fell into his shoulder and Remus had to reel back so he didn't give into the impulse to strike his friend. "I've been looking for ya' everywhere mate! Bloody hell why haven't we done this recently?" Sirius lifted his half-full drink to demonstrate and crashed into the drink table which jumped. Sirius laughed and regained some of his balance. "Damn legs are giving out on me!"
Remus chuckled and slung his arm round Sirius' shoulders. "You need a chair, or better yet, a Sobering Potion."
Despite his intoxication, Sirius shoved Remus away and punched the werewolf's arm. "You're such a party pooper! Merlin Remus drink some more. Lighten up."
I was trying to until you showed up. Remus thought bitterly but stopped trying to grab Sirius' arm. "Alright I give up taking care of you. You'll do what you want anyway."
"Exactly!" Sirius knocked into another student who was so pissed he barely noticed. "You can't control the will of others mate."
Remus paused and stared at Sirius. "That sounded almost enlightened Sirius." He said with a laugh.
"Bloody-har-har." Sirius rolled his eyes. "You guys always seem to forget I'm the brains of this group of ours."
Remus snorted. "Sure Padsy."
"I really hate it when you call me that."
"I know."
Sirius lunged for Remus who laughed as he side stepped. Sirius continued to fall forwards and landed on an irate Marlene, who'd been unlucky enough to be standing right behind Remus.
"Sirius! Get off me, you piss drunk lunatic!"
Sirius chuckled and slowly removed himself from the ground. He helped the furious witch up who stomped off without a word.
"Nice." Remus taunted.
"Shut it Moony."
"You've really lost your touch." Remus patted Sirius' shoulder. "You're about as smooth as… a werewolf on full moon." Remus winked and slapped Sirius' shoulder.
Sirius growled and glared up at his taller friend. "Just because of one girl my entire reputation is destroyed!" He moaned.
"So you've given up then?"
Sirius sighed. "Yep. Hermione Granger is a lost cause." The dark haired boy looked around the party for a head of bushy hair but couldn't spot her.
"She's over there." Remus supplied and pointed out a completely sober Hermione next to James. He'd been keeping tabs on her all night and he knew she hadn't really talked to anyone since arriving almost an hour ago.
"Typical."Sirius gestured at the conversing Hermione and James. "Why she'll snog him is beyond me. I barely peck her on the-"
"What did you say?"
"I said I barely pecked her on the-"
"No- no you idiot, before that." Remus said impatiently and stepped closer to Sirius until he was towering over him.
"Er- they snogged. Didn't she-"
But Remus had already walked off and was heading toward the arguing James and fuming Hermione.
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"Oh James. I've really cocked things up this time." The heels of her hands dug into her eyes and her elbows stabbed her knees. The position was uncomfortable but she deserved less. "I've been so selfish." She sniffed and James rubbed his neck.
"We all get to be a little selfish I guess."
"No. No not like this." Hermione sat up and stared at James with an intense gaze. "You just can't understand how much I've messed everything up."
James raised an eyebrow before grabbing Hermione's shoulder and shaking her gently. "No one can mess everything up." He grinned wolfishly. "You can't be that important love, no one is."
Hermione grimaced and shook off his heavy hand. "You think I'm joking don't you!" Her voice was rising in irritation. "Stop joking around and wake up this is really important and you don't even seem to care, no wonder Lily can't stand you!" Then Hermione stood and stomped away from the stunned James.
"Come back here!" The messy haired boy shouted after her retreating back. He had to run to catch up but he managed to catch her before she reached the pitch's exit. "Just because you're mad doesn't mean you get to act like a know-it-all, you- you twat!"
"Excuse me!"
"You heard me. What do you know of Lily's feelings about me? Just because you're from the future doesn't mean you get to boss everyone around and act like you're queen of the bloody parade!"
"How dare-"
"What's this?" Remus' calm voice cut off Hermione's reply and the fighting teens turned to glare at the interruption. When neither supplied an answer Remus glared back. "What's going on?"
"It's not any of your concern." Hermione snapped.
Remus' blue eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Oh really? Excuse me for caring." He glanced between James and Hermione. "It's quite obvious you want to be alone. I didn't really believe Sirius when he told me but I'm beginning to see the truth."
"Are you now?" James snorted. "Really Remus, your molly-coddling is unnecessary and unwanted. Now shove off."
Remus bristled. "Unwanted, am I? By all means, don't let me interrupt your privacy."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione crossed her arms defensively.
"Oh don't act like you don't know!" Remus finally shouted and several heads turned toward the growing fight.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Remus." Hermione said impatiently. Remus' eyes had yet to flash amber but she suspected any minute he would lose control and snap at her. She regretted going on the defensive immediately but she was just so angry and she definitely wasn't thinking straight. Hermione took a deep breath to calm down. "
"You and James snogged!"
"What!" Hermione and James shouted together and Remus growled.
"I knew it! You're not even denying it!"
Neither Hermione nor James could speak and they forgot their fight for a moment to stare at each other in horror and at the crowd that seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"Remus." James said calmly and tried to take a step towards his friend. "That was months ago mate." He said as quietly as he could but some people heard and began whispering amongst themselves.
"You arse!" And Remus jumped James.