A/N: Have some Kurt. Trigger warning for suicide. Slightly graphic. If blood isn't your thing, skip the beginning, start after the first page break. This chapter is meant to be all jumpy; it's Kurt's thought process type thing. Thank you guys for all the kind reviews!
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No.
No, this wasn't possible.
Kurt felt the colour drain from his face, felt goose-bumps erupt over his skin. The feeling was gone. The feeling that came with Blaine was gone. Blaine was gone.
At first, Kurt hadn't realised what the feeling was. He assumed it was the feeling of love. He remembered feeling it around his mum, so it made sense. But he'd never felt it with his dad, and Kurt had loved Burt more than anything in the world. It made no sense to Kurt, especially when he'd feel it when walking past complete strangers on the street. That was rare, but it had happened once or twice. And he'd felt it the one time that he'd met Blaine's mother.
And then Kurt worked it out.
Magic.
It was something that Kurt was no longer familiar with. He hadn't used magic since he was six. But he recognised the feeling. But it had gone.
Kurt didn't know how he knew that Blaine wasn't coming back. He could feel it, almost. Feel him leaving Kurt, for good.
Emptiness.
Kurt felt empty. Like there was nothing left, nothing there to live for. His mother was dead, his father was dead, and Blaine was gone. There was a black hole in his stomach, sucking away all feeling, all hope, all love.
Blaine hadn't stayed. He hadn't loved Kurt enough to stay. Elizabeth was gone. Burt was gone. Blaine was gone.
Tears swam in Kurt's eyes, and he fell to the floor, head pounding. What was the point?
Pain. Kurt felt like he was being torn in half, like his heart had been removed from his body. It hurt to breathe. Why was he still breathing?
What was the point? What was the point in being here? Why wasn't Kurt dead, like his parents, or gone like Blaine?
Blaine.
Blaine had left.
Blaine was gone.
What was the point on being in a world where no-one loved him, wanted him, needed him? Finn and Carole had given up. They'd left him, too, along with everyone else in Kurt's life.
The world would be better without him. No-one cared. No-one wanted him. No-one had stayed.
Kurt crawled into the bathroom, curling up on the floor. He hit his head on the bath, but he didn't feel it, not really.
Tears ran onto the floor, but Kurt didn't bother to wipe them away. There was no point.
Hurt. Pain. Emptiness.
No-one loves me.
No-one cares.
All he wanted was to end the pain. No-one would care if he died. Everyone was gone. If he was dead, he wouldn't have to face every day, without Burt. Elizabeth. Blaine.
As if in a trance, he reached, and grabbed the razor from the sink.
Hurt. Pain. Emptiness.
No-one loves me.
No-one cares.
The razor still had tiny prickles of stubble in, from when Blaine had convinced Kurt the morning before that he needed to get up, shower, shave.
Blaine.
Kurt would never see Blaine again. He hadn't cared enough to stay.
The first cut didn't hurt. He couldn't feel it. He wanted to feel it. He needed it to end.
The sharp edge cut his skin again, deeper this time. He felt it.
Hurt. Pain. Emptiness.
No-one loves me.
No-one cares.
Blood ran down his wrist, thick and fast, staining his sleeve.
Again. Another cut, even deeper.
Kurt cried out, leaning onto the bath and panting, letting the blade fall to the floor. Blood pooled on the tiles.
Hurt. Pain. Emptiness.
No-one loves me.
No-one cares.
Another cut, and Kurt screamed out, throwing his head so far back that it hit the bath. He wished that he'd just die already, end the pain that was tearing him in half, threatening to break him, shatter him like glass.
A noise in Kurt's room started up. His alarm. A song, a recording.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
The music floated into the room, through the closed door.
Take these broken wings and learn to fly,
The song wasn't the original recording. It was his mother. Recorded onto a tape when Kurt was young, and transferred onto a CD, then onto his IPod.
All your life, you were only waiting, for this moment to arise,
What was he doing? This was wrong. This wasn't what Elizabeth would have wanted.
Blackbird, fly,
Her voice was thick like honey, and pure, so pure. It reminded Kurt of his own voice.
Blackbird, fly,
Her voice gave him courage.
Into the light of the dark black night,
Courage.
Blaine.
Kurt's phone was lying on the floor. It must have fallen out of his pocket.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Speed dial 1.
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see,
Blood dripped onto the phone, but Kurt ignored it.
All your life, you were only waiting, for this moment to be free
He picked up on the first ring.
"Blaine?"
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The sound was strange. It was sort of like listening to a particularly static radio, or trying to hear from underwater. It was warm.
Those were the only things that Kurt could be sure of. Everything else was a fuzzy mess, like trying to see through muddy water, or a thick fog.
Kurt was content to just lay there, on whatever soft thing he was lying on, forever. It felt safe.
He tried to roll over, to snuggle down into this soft… bed, Kurt assumed, but his body refused to do his mind's bidding. His arms felt like they were made of lead.
Ugh. That was frustrating.
Now he realised he couldn't, Kurt wanted to move more than anything.
"Kurt? Kurt, are you awake?" Blaine.
He opened his eyes, just a fraction of an inch. The world was blurry, but Kurt could make out Blaine's face above his own, a look of pure delight on his face.
"Oh my god, he's awake! It worked!" Kurt had no idea what Blaine was talking about. The sudden loud hurt his ears.
"Or course it worked, Mr. Anderson," A voice said distractedly. Kurt couldn't see the owner of the voice. He guessed they were male, but he couldn't really be sure. All he could see was Blaine. His face was right above his, his eyes shining with tears - of happiness, Kurt guessed, judging by the mile-wide smile of pure joy that made his cheeks dimple, and his forehead crinkle. Only whiteness seemed to surround Blaine; but the more Kurt stared, the more it came into focus. A curtain, in a beige colour. The ceiling was greying, but everything else sparkled, like the sea, or Blaine's eyes.
"Mr. Hummel. How are you feeling?" Blaine's face moved, and Kurt wanted to cry out, ask him to stay. Sencing Kurt's desparation, Blaine gripped Kurt's hand, smiling warmly.
"I'm right here, Kurt." He felt the pressure on his right hand, that meant that Blaine was squeazing it reassuringly. That hand was the only thing he could feel. Everything else was weird. Nothing else felt right. Hs mouth felt dry, sore. It was hard to open it, make it form the words he wanted.
"I don't know," Kurt eventually managed, with much effort. "My arm's numb." He added, staring at the hand that wasn't currently holding Blaine's. It was sort of fuzzy to Kurt, still, but he could just about see it. "What happened?"
Talking was becoming more and more painful to his parched throat. The doctor noticed the croakiness to Kurt's tone, and took a glass cup from what Kurt assumed was a surface behind him. And then Kurt nearly fainted. The man; not a doctor, but a Healer, Kurt realised, pulled out a wand, muttering a spell. Kurt couldn't watch. He didn't want to watch. Magic. How he was in a Magic hospital, Kurt didn't know. All he knew was at that moment, there was really nowhere he wanted to be less. "Please," He choked, "Don't do that in front of me." Kurt turned his head away in disgust, trying to look away from the Healer who was now trying to give him the glass of clear water. Blaine's eyes were flashing backwards and forwards between the wand in the Healer's hand, and Kurt's broken expression, his face torn between amazement and worry. Kurt's brain was too clouded to think why.
"Drink it. It'll help," The Healer insisted, forcing the drink into Kurt's hand. Kurt groaned, shifting himself a little so that he could be raised into a sitting position. Regretfully, he took the glass with his numb hand, drawing the glass to his lips and sipping. The water tasted normal; he'd known that it would, but it surprised him all the same. When the glass was drained, Kurt sat up a little straighter, watching the Healer intently.
"Explain." Though his voice was weak, it wasn't a question. The Healer sighed, conjuring up a plastic chair to sit on. Kurt winced at the Magic, turning his head away and ignoring the Healer's apologetic glance.
"Explain what?" The man sighed, his voice tired, yet resistant. Kurt knew that he would tell him what he needed to know.
"How I'm here. Blaine- Blaine's supposed to be a Muggle! He's not, but he thinks he is, and-" Kurt's voice trailed off tiredly. He gestured silently for his glass to be re-filled. It was, and this time, Kurt barely flinched at the use of Magic before drinking it, emptying the glass in one gulp.
"Blaine's not a Muggle," The Healer explained slowly, as if talking to a hysterical five year old.
"I know," Kurt sighed, frustration making his voice hard, annoyed. "I can sense that. But he thought he was a Muggle. He had no idea about Magic, he didn't know about any of it," Kurt explained tiredly, desparation lacing his voice. He was confused, tired, and he wanted answers.
"I don't know about any of that," The Healer replied, "but he was taken here by a Squib who worked at the hospital." He turned to Blaine, his voice stern. "You're very lucky that you happened apon a Wizard. If they hadn't known about us, then the Statue..." He trailed off, as if scared to even think about what would have happened.
"To be fair," Blaine countered, "I'd only found out that I was a Wizard a few hours ago. I had no idea about the Statue of Secrecy, or even that there was a Magic hospital. I just knew that my... best friend was dead, and that as far as I knew, Magic fixed everything." Kurt blinked, his head spinning. He felt totally discombobulated, like his head was no longer attatched to the rest of his body. And then Blaine turned to Kurt, his expression unreadable.
"And you! You never told me, never told me that you were Magic, that I was Magic!" Kurt sighed a little. All he wanted now was to sleep. He couldn't remember what had happened, why he was there, and he didn't particularly want to.
"I'm not Magic," he groaned. "I used to be. Not any more." Kurt turned away from the two men, rolling over in the bed so he no longer faced them, though he didn't let go of Blaine's hand. He was so tired, and everything was becoming fuzzy around the edges, like one of those watercolour paintings made by five year olds, with too much water, so everything blurrs together, nothing has an edge. Everything was slowly revolving, and Kurt's head throbbed. He just needed to sleep! Closing his eyes helped the dizziness. It also made it impossible to stay awake, despite the voices begging him to open his eyes, to talk. The voices were nothing but a quiet, soothing hum, lulling Kurt into a deep sleep almost instantly.
"Please, Kurt. I love you. Please."
Blaine's face swam above him, falling in and out of focus. His expression was genuinely terrified, and Kurt could see the tears that were falling, dripping onto Kurt's face. They were beautiful, in a way. The way that they caught in the light. Blaine was beautiful.
I love you.
Kurt was sure that he'd dreamed the words, that Blaine hadn't really said them. It was his mind, playing one, final trick on him before it shut off altogether.
"I love you, too" He muttered anyway, not caring whether Blaine had really said the words or not. Kurt wasn't stupid. He knew he was about to die. But even through the immence pain in his wrist, like fire, Kurt felt love. Nothing but love for the boy who was bent over him, frantically shaking, stroking his face over and over.
"I love you, Blaine."
And then it was black.
Kurt's eyes flew open. It took him a while for his surroundings to come into focus again, but they eventually did, and memories flung themselves at Kurt at the sight of the hospital. Blaine was right there, still holding his hand, watching him.
"Kurt," He sighed, coming to kneel next to his bed, concern etched on his face.
"Blaine." Kurt replied, shuffling a little so that he could sit up. Surprisingly, it was easy. Nothing spun, and Kurt felt light again, normal.
"Careful," Blaine cautioned, worry filling his eyes.
"I'm fine, Blaine," Kurt assured him, sitting up fully and smiling. He really did feel fine. Better than fine. Blaine looked decidedly less nervous upon Kurt's assurance, but he didn't let go of his hand even so. "I remember, you know." He smiled again, a huge, dazzling smile. He felt as light as air. "I remember everything that happened." Blaine blinked slowly, not understanding why this news made Kurt so happy. He remembered nearly dying, but he seemed so... cheerful.
"Everything?" Blaine questioned slowly, shaking his head to clear it.
"Yes," Kurt replied, still smiling. "Everything."
"Then why are you so... happy?"
Kurt's face fell. Maybe... Maybe it was a dream. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe when Kurt was dying, his mind had told him what he wanted to hear, so that he was happy in those final seconds. Blissfully happy, dispite the burning pain and the stickiness of the blood. Because Blaine had said that he loved him. But maybe it was just an illusion. He didn't realise that he was welling up until Blaine was wiping the wetness away with his thumb.
"Hey, hey, Kurt, come on," Blaine was saying, his hand running down the side of Kurt's face gently, barely touching him. "Don't cry, what's wrong, please," Blaine broke off, his own eyes prickling. A second ago, Kurt was so happy, and Blaine had been happy with him. But now, Kurt was sad, and; "Please, baby, don't cry." Blaine mentally slapped himself. Baby? He only called Kurt that inside his head, not out loud! To Blaine's relief, Kurt didn't seem to have noticed.
"It was all a dream, just a mirage, an illusion!" He murmured, his lip trembling.
"What was, Kurt?" Blaine asked gently, trying to stop himself from calling him Baby, or Honey, or any sort of pet name that he called Kurt in his head. He didn't, however, remove the hand that was gently cupping the Kurt's cheek, or take his eyes away from Kurt's beautiful features.
"It wasn't real. You said..." He broke off again, embarrassed. An adorable blush was creeping up onto his porcelain cheeks, staining them a dusty pink colour.
"What did I say?" Suddenly, Blaine understood.
"You said that you loved me." It was so clear to Blaine, in that moment, exactly what he had to do.
"That wasn't pretend. I love you." Kurt was suddenly painfully aware of the position that they were in. Kurt was sitting up in the bed, and Blaine was sitting opposite him, one hand gently cupping his cheek, the other still holding his hand. Kurt had no idea when Blaine had joined him on the bed, only that they were both now sitting cross legged, their knees touching. His heart was racing. Nothing made any sense, nothing but the fact that Blaine had shifted so that he was kneeling, and was leaning slowly forward, his hazel eyes burning, swirling with raw emotion as they finally dropped Kurt's gaze, flitting to his lips. Kurt licked his lips self consiously; Blaine was clearly about to kiss him, and that seemed to do something to Blaine. Abandoning all restraint, he lurched forward, connecting their lips desparatly. Kurt froze in shock. Blaine was kissing him. Blaine was kissing him. Oh. He should probably kiss back. Smiling into the kiss, Kurt started to move his lips against Blaine's. It felt as natural as breathing. Without breaking the kiss, Kurt shifted a little so that he was also kneeling, pulling himself closer to Blaine so that their knees brushed. Kurt felt his heart explode, metaphorically. He felt amazing, on top of the world. Eventually, the need for air surfaced, and Kurt broke the kiss reluctantly, leaning foreward a little so that their foreheads were touching. He could feel Blaine's hot breath curl and mingle with his own.
Kurt couldn't bring himself to care that his first kiss with Blaine was in a hospital, a Magical hospital at that. Because it was with Blaine, and Kurt had never felt happier.
"I love you, too." Kurt murmured, watching Blaine's mouth curl into a smile. And then, unable to stop himself, Kurt leaned foreward and connected their lips again.
A/N: Ohmydays. Adorable boys.
So, I know I promised Magic and excitement. But this was too cute a ending to pass up. I mean, just look at them. They're adorable.
So. Please review! This is the hardest of all of my fics to write, so if you want quick updates, I'm gonna need insparation. And Reviews are my insparation.
See you guys in your reviews! ;)