A/N: Like I promised, I said the next chapter would be up in the next couple of days. I hope you all enjoyed it.
Enjoy!
Chapter Two: Doug Is Going to Kill You
Angelica cracked her eye open. The light flooded into her eyes, making her groan at the brightness. She took her hand and wiped the sleep from her eyes. It was then that she spotted it. The little black mark in-between her thumb and index finger. It was a heart with the initials PW and AB in a heart with an arrow behind it. She licked the thumb of her other hand and went to rub it off.
"Please come off…please come off," she whispered. To her great relief it did come off. It was then the she noticed her pillow was moving and pulling her toward it. She smiled and closed her eyes when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around her and a kiss being planted on her head.
"Good morning," she heard the person whisper. Her eyes shot open. She recognized the voice. She quickly shot up and looked down at the person she had been sleeping against.
"Phil," she squeaked. It was then that Phil's eyes shot open.
"Oh, fuck, Doug is going to kill me," he muttered. Angelica lay back down a little bit away from Phil. She looked down to see if she was wearing anything. To her pleasure she was wearing something, but what she wearing took some of that away. It was Phil's shirt from last night. She arched her back, so she could make sure that it would cover her back side. She groaned in pain. She felt as if someone and she had a pretty good idea of who, had fucked her through the floor, before they finally passed out.
"You okay," she heard Phil ask. She nodded.
"Yeah, just my back hurts," she explained. She was never drinking with her brother and his friends again. Phil leaned against his elbow and was about to say something, when Alan came running out of the bathroom at full speed and tripped over him. He landed on top of her, making them both groan in pain.
"What the fuck? Control yourself, man," Phil said, sitting up a bit to get off of Angelica. She looked over to Alan and noticed that he was only wearing his t-shirt from last night.
"Goddamn, will you put on some pants," she groaned, before she turned around, so that she wouldn't have to look at it.
"Phil, Angelica, do not go in the bathroom," Alan warned.
"Alan, just calm down. It's us," Phil said.
"Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom," Alan repeated hysterically. Angelica groaned. Alan's shouting was beginning to make her head pound more than it already was.
"What's going on," they heard Stu call from wherever he was. Alan turned to him, jumping up and down, trying cover up his dick with his t-shirt.
"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom," he screamed for a third time. Angelica just groaned it was then that she felt Phil get up from beside her. She threw her hand in a silent request for help. Phil quickly helped her up. She picked up the shorts she had worn last night under her dress and quickly threw them on. She didn't want to worry about the shirt riding up.
"Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out," Phil said. Angelica walked past Alan and into the living room where Stu was.
"Don't go in," Alan said hysterically, " Don't go in. Don't go in."
"Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding," Phil said, after he opened the door and heard the tiger growl. Alan continued to scream hysterically.
"There's a tiger in there." Stu was in denial, while Angelica just put her head in her hands. She could barely comprehend what Alan was saying, but she could guess that Alan was describing the tiger. Phil turned to Stu.
"You okay, buddy," he asked, putting on his shirt.
"No. I am in so much pain right now," Stu said. Angelica cracked open her eye again to look at him. She rolled her neck, trying desperately to ease the tension that was there.
"Goddamn, look at this place," Phil said, as he took a seat beside Angelica. She felt him wrap an arm around her. For some unknown reason she felt comfortable with him doing that. She leaned into him.
"I know. Phil, Ang, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed," Stu complained. Alan was still hysterically talking about the tiger that had somehow ended up in the bathroom.
"Hey bro," Phil called, "You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird that we have to ask twice. What the fuck happened last night?" Angelica nodded, resting her head against Phil's shoulder and her left hand against his chest. He rubbed her side with his hand. Stu looked at both of them and then he noticed the ring that was on her finger.
"Angelica, what's that on your hand," he asked. Angelica looked at her left hand and on her ring finger was a gold band with two dice on it. It looked like something you would get out of a gumball machine.
"Oh god, oh god," she began to hyperventilate. Phil took her hand in his and then looked at the ring himself.
"You got married last night," he whispered. Angelica could hear that his voice was filled with hurt. She wondered what that was, but at this moment she needed to focus. But that didn't happen.
"Oh god," she screamed, snatching her hand away from Phil and began pacing in between Stu and Phil, "I don't know what's worse. The fact I got married last night and don't remember, or the fact that I slept with Phil."
"Hey," Phil snapped indignantly. Angelica looked at him.
"You know what I mean," she snapped back, "You and I haven't gotten along for the past five years, ever since you cheated with that blonde skank from the UCLA cheerleading team on our two year anniversary." Stu groaned, it was starting.
"Need I remind you, that you cheated that night as well with the guy from the coffee shop we would go to," Phil screamed back.
"That was because I was drinking," Angelica screamed back, "And I wouldn't have been drinking, if you had remembered that it was our two year anniversary that night and remembered to meet me at the restaurant like you were suppose to." It was then that the tears began streaming down her. She had never opened up that much to anyone, about that night. Not even to Tracy or Doug. Phil's jaw went slack. He now remembered. It had been his and Angelica's anniversary that night and after hitting a party with Doug and Stu, he was going to meet her at the restaurant. He reached for her, but she pulled away.
"No, I can't do this, right now. Not with you," Angelica said, she walked towards her room and slammed it closed behind her. Phil looked hurt again. He felt so stupid. For years he had blamed her for the end of their relationship, and now he realized it was all him.
"Angie, please don't be like that. I'm sorry, I was an idiot. I had the best thing right in front of me and instead of working out our problems. I just let it happen," he said. Angelica slowly opened the door. She had been waiting five years to hear those words. She nodded. Phil smiled and lifted her off her feet. She laughed and let him kiss her.
"We'll get your marriage annulled as soon as we can, so you and I can be together," Phil whispered in her ear, making Angelica smile grow even wider.
"Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth," Stu asked opened his mouth and smiling at the couple. Both of them turned to look at him.
"I can't," Phil took a few steps toward him, leading Angelica along, careful to avoid any broken glass that was lying around.
"Oh, shit," he said when he saw the gap in Stu's smiled. Angelica's eyes went wide. She knew that Melissa was going to bitch about this one and the next bachelor party these guys had, even if it was Stu's, he wouldn't be able to go. Stu quickly grabbed a metal dish that was sitting in front of him, so he could see his reflection.
"Oh, my God," Stu gasped, as he lifted his lip to see the gap in his teeth, "My lateral incisor's—it's gone!"
"It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine. Alan," Angelica said, turning towards him, as she stood up, "go wake Doug. Let's get some coffee, get my marriage annulled and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows."
"What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened."
"You're freaking me out, man," Phil said, as Angelica walked into her room, so she could change, "I got a massive headache, okay?" Let's just calm down."
"How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you-"
"Hey guys," Alan interrupted, "he's not in there."
"Did you check all the rooms," Angelica yelled from her room.
"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone."
"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat," Phil said, leaning back onto the chair, "I'll just call his cell." Stu was still obsessing over his tooth.
"I look like a nerdy hillbilly," he said, as Angelica exited her room, still wearing Phil's shirt, but this time, with a pair of jeans and her hair straight. Phil laughed, while Angelica sat beside him, allowing him to wrap his arm around her again. Soon they began to hear a cell phone ring. Alan looked around. There was a cell phone sitting near a pyramid of bottles. He picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Alan."
"Hey."
"It's Phil."
"Oh, hey, Phi-This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone."
"No shit," Phil said, leaning down. Angelica slowly began to freak out again, could this day get any fucking worse? Answer: yes. It was then that they heard the sound of a baby crying. Angelica and Phil looked at one another and then to Stu.
"What the fuck is that," Stu asked. Angelica got up and walked towards the sound. She came to a closet. She opened it and then in a carrier, was a little baby crying it's head off.
"Whose fucking baby is that," Phil asked. Angelica smacked him in the stomach with her hand.
"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite," Stu asked, while Angelica bent down to pick up the baby.
"Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here. Check its collar or something." Angelica gave him a look, but rocked the baby back and forth, trying to get it to stop crying.
"Shh. Shh, it's okay, baby," she said, resting the baby's head against her shoulder and she bounced on the balls of her feet.
"Angie, we don't have time for this," Phil said, watching her, "Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later." Angelica gave him the same look she had given Alan.
"Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom," she snapped at him.
"It's not our baby," he reasoned. Angelica shook her head, how someone could be so unthoughtful, especially when that person had a kid of their own.
"Yeah, I gotta side with Ang on this one," Alan said speaking up. Phil look out a sigh of defeat.
"All right, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us. Could you at least just find some pants," Phil said turning to Alan. He wrapped an arm around Angelica's waist, while she continued to rock the baby back and forth and hum it a lullaby that her and Doug's mother and sung to them when they were younger.
"Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night," Stu asked, as they waited inside the elevator. Angelica and Phil were leaning against the back of the elevator, their arms wrapped around one another. Alan was carrying the baby, while Stu held an icepack to his mouth.
"Because, we obviously had a great fucking time," Phil answered, kissing the top of Angelica's head, "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute. Be proud of yourself." The elevator stopped to allow an elderly lady to get on.
"Oh, how cute. What's his name," she asked, when she saw the small baby, that was strapped to Alan's chest. Phil looked at Angelica and then to Stu.
"Ben."
"Carlos," Alan corrected. The elderly woman looked to Angelica, clearly confused about the change in name.
"Our last name is Carlos," she explained. The woman nodded and then looked up the elevator lights.
Alan grabbed the hand of the baby, and made him look like he was jerking off. Angelica looked at Alan, shook her head, and then continued to eat her cantaloupe. Phil hadn't noticed, he was too busy playing with Angelica's fingers.
"Hey, Phil, look," Alan looked. Phil looked over taking a sip of his coffee to see what Alan was doing.
"He's jacking his little weenis," Alan joked. Phil chuckled.
"Pull yourself together, man."
"Not at the table, Carlos." Both of the men chuckle, while Angelica rolls her eyes. She was sitting with Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber. It was then that Stu walked up to the table and took the seat on Alan's other side.
"I've looked everywhere. Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here," he counted off. Angelica groaned again, laying her head on Phil's shoulder. This day was only getting worse and Tracy and her parents was going to kill her if they lost Doug and couldn't find him.
"He's fine. He's a grown man," Phil said, trying to calm everyone down, "Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice." He handed a glass of orange juice to Stu. As soon as Stu saw it however he just threw up, whatever was in his stomach.
"I can't have juice right now."
"Okay. All right," Angelica said, "Let's just track this thing." Phil pulls out a pen and begins to write some stuff down on his napkin.
"What's the last thing we remember doing last night," he asked.
"Well the first thing, was we were on the roof and we were having those shots of Jäger," Alan supplied. At the thought of the Jäger, Stu retched a little and coughed.
"And then we ate dinner at the Palm. Right," Phil asked. Angelica thought about it.
"That's right," she answered. "And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there."
"That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was," Phil said, as he wrote everything they were saying down.
"You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner," Stu said. Angelica thought about it and nodded.
"I don't remember it either," she said, as she played with the ring on her finger.
"I know. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over," Phil said wrapping his arm around Angelica.
"After the Hard Rock, I black out. It was like emptiness," Alan laughed. Stu and Angelica looked at him like he was insane.
"Okay. We have up until 10 pm, so that gives us a 12 hour window where we could have lost him," Phil said, trying to reel everyone back in. Alan reached into the pocket of his pants.
"What is this," he asked, holding something white up. Stu's eyes went wide.
"Oh, my god. That is my tooth. Why do you have that," Stu asked, causing Alan to shrug, "What else is in your pockets?"
"This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets, guy. Angie, check your purse," Phil said, as he began reaching into his pockets. Angelica reached into her purse, grabbing anything that she could find that could be relevant. She pulled out 10 torn condom wrappers, five different napkins with Phil's number on them and her diamond earring.
"I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio," Stu said, opening it up, "11:05pm for eight hundred dollars! I am so fucked."
"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15am," Alan said, as he searched through his pockets some more.
"Oh shit," Angelica said, "We drove last night?" She brushed her hand through her hair. Alan laughed.
"Driving drunk. Classic." Stu, Phil and Angelica laughed sarcastically. It was then that Alan noticed that Phil had something on his arm. Phil looked at his wrist at the same time Angelica and Stu looked at it.
"What the fuck is that?"
"Jesus, Phil," Angelica breathed out, pulling his arm towards her, "You were in the hospital last night."
"I guess so, yeah."
"You okay," she asked, brushing her thumb, along his cheek.
"Yeah, Ang. I'm fine," he said, smiling at her.
"What the hell is going on," Stu asked.
"Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now," Phil said, pointing to the hospital bracelet that he had on his wrist. Angelica continued to check him over the best she could.
"Hey, Stu, watch this," Alan said, grabbing his attention. He had grabbed the baby's hand again and was making him look like he was jacking off again. Stu and Alan chuckle.
"Have you ever seen a baby do that," Alan asked.
"Dude, Alan, not cool."
They had given one of the Valet attendants their ticket and were now waiting on the car. Phil and Angelica had gone to get some coffee, leaving Alan and Stu to watch the baby and wait for the car.
"So…uh…are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby," Stu asked, as they waited. He remembered how Alan had been a little unstable during his speech last night and he wasn't sure that he should be the one caring for the baby.
"What are you talking about? I've found a baby before."
"You found a baby before?"
"Yeah."
"Where?"
"Coffee Bean," Alan said seriously. Stu's eyes went wide as he looked at Alan in disbelief.
"Wait! What," he asked, just to make sure he heard Alan correctly. It was then that Phil and Angelica joined them, holding cups of coffee.
"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes," Alan said. He didn't want his dad's car to be ruined. He knew that Angelica and Doug were the only ones that were suppose to be driving it and since Angelica didn't want to drive when she was this hung over, that task went to Phil.
"Relax, we'll be careful," Phil assured, the large man-child.
"My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug and Ang in charge—"
"Alan. We got bigger problems here. Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt. Okay," Angelica said, as she looked around waiting for the Mercedes to be pulled up. There was an incessant beeping from a crane behind them. Stu looked up to see what the men were doing with it.
"Let's worry about the car later," Ang said, rubbing her forehead with the hand that wasn't holding her coffee.
"Uh, guys? Check it out," Alan said, indicating behind them. Phil, Angelica and Alan, all looked towards where Stu was pointing.
"Is that the mattress from Doug's room," Alan asked.
"What the fuck," Phil asked. He walked over to one of the Valet attendants.
"Hey, man, what's going on here," he asked, wrapping an arm around Angelica.
"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night," the guy explained.
"No shit," Angelica breathed.
"Yeah. Some guys just can't handle Vegas."
"Oh god," mumbled Stu. Phil assured him that it was going to be okay. They were going to find Doug and get the fuck out of Nevada after getting Angelica's marriage annulled, and they would do it all before housekeeping showed up.
"How the hell did we manage that," Phil asked, as Angelica's eyes widen when she saw what car the Valet attendant pulled in front of them.
"Here's your car officers," the guy said, while Stu began to overreact again.
"All right, everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word. Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on," Phil began instructing them, while he walked over to the car to open the driver's side door for Angelica.
"Stu, you got a five," Phil asked, as he walked over to the Driver's Side. Stu answered negatively. Angelica shook her head when he looked at her.
"I'll hit you on the way back," he told the personnel. The Valet attendant thanked him, while Stu helped Alan, by opening the door for him. He nailed the baby, causing it to start crying.
"Oh, my god," he swore, "Oh, my god. You just nailed the baby."
"Are my glasses okay," Alan asked. Stu looked at him in disbelief.
"Your glasses are fine, dick."
They had been stuck in traffic for the last half-hour and Phil was beginning to get extremely irritated, while Angelica was becoming very irritable. Her headache still hadn't gone away and it wouldn't if Phil kept honking the damn horn.
"This is so illegal," Stu complained.
"Can't you see the fun part in anything," Phil asked turning around a bit to look at Stu.
"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car, with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun," Stu asked. Angelica rubbed her eyes, she was getting tired of listening to the two of them go it. It was worse than her and Phil and that was saying something.
"I think the cop-car part's pretty cool," Alan said. Angelica put her head in her hands. If she got through this and they were back in time for Doug and Tracy's wedding. She was so returning the gift she got them.
"Thank you, Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it," Phil said. Angelica looked at sceptically. She knew her brother loved to have fun as much as the next person, but I have a feeling this would have gone to far, even for him.
"Come on," Phil said, getting even more frustrated. It was then that Phil got a glint in his eye, one that Angelica knew and it often meant he got an idea. An idea that was sure to get them in even more trouble.
"Check this out," he said, turning on the siren and pulled onto the sidewalk.
"Oh no. No, Phil. No, Phil. Don't do this," Stu warned.
"Take it easy," Phil said, as he continued to pull onto the sidewalk.
"Just try to call more attention to us," Stu said sarcastically. Angelica shook her head. She didn't like it, but if it got it closer to finding her brother, than fine, the idiot beside her could do whatever he wanted.
"Attention," Phil called over the PA, while Stu apologized, "Attention, please. Move out of the way." Angelica watched as people dove out of the way of the cruiser.
"I repeat, please disperse."
"Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over," Stu began to panic.
"Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack," Phil called over the PA. Angelica looked at him, and smacked him upside the head. It wasn't even that long ago that he was confessing his love for her and now he was flirting with some…some bottle blonde. He frustrated her to no end.
"Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk," Stu said, still panicking the backseat.
"I should have been a fucking cop," Phil said, as pulled off the sidewalk and into the street. Angelice tried not to picture Phil in the uniform, but she just couldn't help herself. She found a man in uniform extremely sexy.
They arrived at the hospital not long after. The doctor that had attended to Phil last night gave them time to ask him some questions, while he checked on one of his patients.
"Look, I already told you. He came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal. Although none of you could articulate how it happened," the doctor said, as he issued his examination.
"Do you remember how many of us were here," Phil asked
"Ah…I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby. And one other guy," he explained. Angelica sighed in relief. Her brother was okay. No injuries that they knew of so far.
"That's our guy," Stu said, "Was he okay?"
"Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were," the doctor said, before turning to his patient, "Alright, come forward. And turn. All right." He then pulled down the elderly gentleman's underpants, causing, Phil, Stu and Angelica to all turn around and look at the door. Angelica had her eyes squeezed tightly shut, while Alan was completely transfixed by the procedure.
"There you go. And cough. Cough. Cough. Give me one more. All right. Thattaboy,' he said, as he pulled the underpants back up, "Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on. And the nurse will be in here in a minute. I'll see you after the weekend." Felix thanks him, as he walked away. The doctor shook his head at the standing threesome as if to say that Felix wouldn't live to see Monday.
"Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery up on the fourth floor," he said as he began to wash his hands. Phil unwrapped his arm from around Angelica and pulled something out of his wallet.
"No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time," he said, as held the bill in front of the doctor's face. The doctor looked at it closely before lifting his hands and allowing Phil to place it in his pocket.
"Yeah. Tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me," he said, indicating for the rest of the group to follow him. Phil grabbed Angelica by the hand and pulled her down the hall as he followed the doctor.
"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45am arrival. Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard," he said, as the walked down the hall. Stu reached for the file.
"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor."
"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist," the doctor said, pulling the files away from him. Phil looked down to see if he could see anything out of the ordinary. Soon the six of them stopped at the nurses desk.
"Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow," he said, shocked as he read the file. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system," the doctor explained. Angelica's eyes widen in shock. Phil was ruphied last night.
"Ruphylin. Ruphies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug," Angelica explained. Something about all this just didn't seem right. She couldn't remember anything last night. It was a common side effect of taking or being given ruphylin, but what she didn't get was how all four of them couldn't remember a goddamn thing.
"What, so, what is he saying, I was raped last night," Phil tried to make a joke out of it, but soon stopped at the look that Angelica gave him. The doctor then quickly looked at his files, scaring Phil, Angelica and Stu even more.
"I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug," he said. Angelica sighed in relief once more.
"I'm not surprised you don't remember anything," he continued. Alan chuckled, causing Angelica to give him a look.
"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember," Alan said looking towards the group.
"Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us," Angelica asked. Alan had a good point, even if he didn't know his point.
"I wouldn't worry about it guys. By now the stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go," said handing a nurse the file and turning to leave.
"Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else," Stu asked. They needed to know where they were before here or where they could have been going.
"Like, something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going," Stu continued. The doctor shook his head as he thought about it.
"Actually, there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night," the doctor supplied. Angelica's eyes widen, she had forgotten all about her marriage last night. The one she needed to get annulled, so that she could be with Phil.
"Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow."
"You know what? I want the 100 back," Phil said reaching for the doctor's pocket. Angelica rolled her eyes, apparently they both had forgotten that she had gotten married last night to some fucking unknown stranger. She groaned frustration quietly. The doctor put his hand up, knocking Phil's away.
"No, no. Easy," he said, "You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel." Phil and Stu looked to Angelica. She rolled her eyes. Finally they remember.
"You kept saying how sick the weddings were and getting all crazy about it," he continued, as Phil pulled out the napkin that he kept on him, "Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave."
"Best little Chapel, do you know where that is," Phil asked.
"I do. It's at the corner of Get a Map and Fuck Off," the doctor said, causing both Angelica and Phil to look at him, "I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. Figure out yourself, okay? You're big kids now." Phil quickly jotted down Best Little Chapel and they were off once more.
Phil pulled into the parking lot of Best Little Chapel. Angelica took a deep breath and got out of the car. She was so worried to find out who she had married last, but she this was the last step before her and Phil could finally be together.
"What about the baby," Alan asked, as they got out of the police cruiser.
"Just leave him in the car, we're only going to be five minutes," Phil said. Angelica looked at like he was crazy.
"Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car,' she snapped. She had no idea how someone could be so fucking stupid.
"He'll be fine. I cracked the window," he reasoned, pulling her along with him. He wanted her marriage annulled as much as she did. They quickly walked into the chapel, Angelica ready herself for the shock she was sure she was going to have.
"What if they don't remember us," Stu asked.
"Well, let's just find out and plus I want this damn ring off my finger," Angelica snapped.
"I'm sor—Excuse me, sir? Hi," Phil said, trying to get one of the owner's attention. The guy laughs when he sees them and slowly walks towards them a huge smile on his face.
"Look at these guys," he laughs, "What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me? And you two still as beautiful together as last night." He hugs Phil, and then Angelica, who was completely shocked by the affection, neither one of them registering what he had said. He then goes to Alan, pinching his cheeks.
"Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy,' he said before turning to Stu.
"What's going on, man? Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy," he said, pointing to Stu, "is the craziest, wildest bastard I have ever met in my life, man." All three of them looked towards Stu, completely confused.
"This guy," Phil asks.
"This guys is out of his mind," Eddie confirms, "What's going on, you fucking crazy motherucker?" Eddie leans into give Stu a hug. Angelica leans against Phil, who wraps an arm around her. Strangely to them, Eddie says nothing about it.
"I thought he was gonna eat my dick," he explained to the foursome, "What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?"
"No, no. It's not that, Eddie," Stu tries to explain, "Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."
"Yeah," Alan continued, "Was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?" Eddie laughs and looks toward Angelica and Phil, but they're just as clueless.
"You're cracking my balls, man," Eddie laughs.
"Look Eddie, obviously we were here. We're looking for my twin brother Doug," Angelica explained, "Do you remember him?"
"Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey, but you no look like a monkey, more like a cat with your green eyes," Eddie says. Angelica doesn't know whether to smile or feel insulted. They all nod anyway.
"You saw him," Stu asked.
"Of course," Eddie said.
"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night," Stu asked. Eddie looked between the four of them still smiling.
"You don't remember nothing," he asked. He walked over to the front desk and pulled out to wedding albums. He handed one to Stu and the other to Angelica. She took a deep breath and opened the cover. There staring at her was a picture of her and Phil staring at one another deeply in love. She started to smile and then laugh. Phil who had been looking at the cover of Stu's album, which had yet to be opened, looked over to her, looking at as if she was crazy for laughing. He pulled the album towards her and looked at the photo of the two of them. A smile spread across his face. She continued to laugh, as he lifted her off her feet for the second time that day and kissed her soundly on the lips. No need to get marriage annulled anymore. They were in It for life.
Stu then looked to his album. He saw Angelica's reaction and though he didn't want ruin her and Phil's happiness, he needed to know who he was married too. He opens the album and groans.
"Congratulations Stu, you got married," Alan says. He obviously didn't get why Stu was so upset over this.
"This…this can't be happening," Stu mumbled, getting Phil and Angelica's attention, "Oh, god."
"Look at that," Alan said, as the foursome looked at a picture of the two brides standing side by side, with their groom's hands on their tits and Doug, standing beside Phil, with Alan beside Stu. Stu continued to groan as they looked the pictures. One of the unknown bride on Stu's back pointing at the ring on her finger and Stu smiling happily at the camera, had Stu trying to pull out what little hair he had.
"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man," Phil said, as he continued to look through the photos.
"That's it. My life is over," Stu complained. Angelica sighed.
"Stu, it's okay," she said calmly, "Look, shit happens. Some may cause your twin brother to possibly kill and or maim your husband of only one night. Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this. This never happened. I'll take care of it." It was then that Eddie and the woman he worked with came in carrying a few boxes.
"Come on. Put it here."
"Hey, what's all that," Alan asked. Phil, Angelica and Stu shared uneasy looks.
"The High Roller package," Eddie explained, "It's what both couples ordered. I have coffee mugs."Eddie pulled out two mugs, one with Stu and his bride's face and the other with Phil and Angelica. Angelica's eyes widen. She definitely wasn't keeping those god awful things. It'd be really weird to drink a cup of coffee out of a mug with her face on it.
"What," Stu asked.
"I have baseball caps," Eddie listed off, pulling out two more hats. One in blue and the other in pink. Another thing for Angelica to get rid of.
"And fancy calendars. All with pictures of Stu and Jade or Phil and Angelica," he explained. Angelica picked up the calendar with her and Phil's names on it. It wasn't bad looking. It had it's uses… like it could be dartboard if she ever got mad at him.
"Her name is Jade," Phil asked from behind Angelica.
"Yeah, and she's beautiful, man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that," Eddie described, "But that's because she had a baby."
"That explains the baby," Phil said to Stu.
"Oh, Carlos. Carlos."
"Great. All right," Angelica said, clapping her hands together, "Uh, Eddie, here's the deal. Stu made a huge mistake last night. We need to get that marriage annulled immediately. You do annulments?"
"Of course I do," Eddie answered, "It breaks my heart and gonna make me very sad, but it's no problem. Gonna make a very good price for you. I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties."
"Oh, not a problem. That's great," Angelica said, "Isn't that great, Stu? Come on, buddy. And she probably knows where Doug is."
"Awesome," Stu said sarcastically. Angelica shook her head, extremely annoyed with her brother's friend right now.
"All right, all right. Okay. Uh..we need her address. She must have filled out some paperwork, right," Angelica asked, turning back to Eddie.
"Of course," he answered, before turning to the woman beside him, "Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man. I spend my life waiting for you. Come on."
"Okay. I'm going," she snaps at him.
"And get the baklava, please," he asks as she leaves.
The foursome quickly exit the chapel, carrying everything that the two couples ordered last night.
"Hey, Ang, what about my dad's car," Alan asked as he exited the chapel still wearing one of Stu and Jade's hats.
"I'm sure Doug has it," she supplied, "We'll get it back."
"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it," Stu said, causing the other three to look at him, as if he was insane.
"Torch it," Phil asks, "Who are you?"
"I don't know, Phil," Stu answers, "Apparently I'm the guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs," he paused to take one of his mugs and throw it to the ground, smashing it to pieces, "This hat," he paused taking it off Alan's head, ignoring the indignant cry that came from the shorter man, "This car. It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching all of it."
"Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher. I have a kid and a new wife," Phil paused to smile at Angelica, who smiled back at him, "Okay? I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a fucking cop car."
"Fine. I'll do it," Stu said, clearly not hearing anything Phil said.
"Can I help," Alan asked. Angelica just shook her head and got in the car. She checked on the baby to make sure he was okay, while the guys continued to argue behind the car.
"Yeah, thanks," Stu said turning to Alan. It was then a phone began to ring. All three guys began to pat their pockets.
"Is it Doug," Phil asked.
"I don't have it," Alan said.
"It's Doug, it's Doug," Phil cried.
"Uh, it's Melissa," Stu groaned. Phil slammed the trunk of the car closed.
"Don't answer it," Phil snapped, as he went to get into the car. He grabbed Angelica's hand in his own and rubbed her knuckles. Now that he got her, he wasn't going to fuck up again.
"I have to she's called twice already," Stu snapped, "Hey sweetheart, how are you?"
"There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you."
"I know. The reception up here is crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal."
"Ugh, I hate that. So how was last night?"
"Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time."
"That sounds nice."
"I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids," Stu said, as he climbed into the backseat. Alan was playing with the baby.
"It's be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know," he said to Phil and Angelica. They stopped playing with each other's fingers when they heard him. Angelica got this disgusted look on her face, while Phil just looked at Alan in confusion.
"Well, listen…we're about to go for a tractor ride. I should get going. So pretty." It was then that a bright orange sports car pulled up behind them, blocking them from pulling out.
"What the fuck," Phil asked, looking through the rear-view mirror.
"A tractor ride." Two guys got out of the car. One of them carrying a bat and they stocked over to the car. They began to bang on the windows.
"Go on. Get out of the car," one them yelled.
"What was that?"
"They just started up the tractor. I think it backfired."
"Where the hell is he," yelled the one with the baseball bat.
"Hey, easy, easy," Phil said, Angelica was clutching his hand, "I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?" One of them swung his bat and smashed it against the windshield, causing Angelica to scream and begin to hyperventilate.
"Is that a woman screaming?"
"No…why would a woman even be at a bachelor party in wine country."
"Hey, what the hell man," Phil screamed. Some of the glass had gotten in her hair and she was trying to get most of it out, but it was shredding her hands, while she did so. The baby soon began to cry.
"What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby?"
"Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat."
"Where is he," the guy screamed again.
"I don't know," Phil shouted back, "What are you talking about?"
"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?"
"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked," Phil screamed at Stu. Angelica was still hyperventilating and looking between the two men that stood in front of the police cruiser.
"Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu?"
The men continued to smash their bats into the windshield. Angelica and Phil ducking to avoid the glass.
"Hey! There's a baby on board," shouted Alan, much to Stu's dismay.
"Someone just said 'baby."
"Get out of the car," snapped one of the thugs, pointing their bat at Phil. Phil quickly started the car
"It's a baby goat."
"Why you making trouble for my business, man. Go away from here," said Eddie, as he walked out of the chapel carrying a golf club. The shorter of the two thugs pulled a gun and pointed it at Phil and then at Angelica.
"Get out of the car!"
"Phil, he's got a gun," Angelica gasped, clutching his hand even harder.
"No shit, he's got a gun," he snapped.
"I gotta call you back. Bye." Phil put the car in gear and drove forward driving over the thung's foot, causing him to change his aim and shoot Eddie in the shoulder.
"Fuck," Phil swore, "Shit."
"He shot me," they heard Eddie scream, clutching at his shoulder.
"He shot Eddie," Stu screamed hysterically. Phil got the same gleam in his eye that he got earlier. He put the car in reverse.
"Fuck this shit," he said, before he drove the car backwards, in a bus stop and out onto the road, where they started to drive towards Jade's apartment. Stu was edging Phil on as he drove, before he turned to the baby and tried to stop him crying.
"What the fuck is going on," he screamed.
"I have no idea," Phil answered truthfully, before he grabbed Angelica hand and tried to calm her down, since she was still hyperventilating and he didn't want her passing out. Soon Stu's phone began to ring.
"Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail," Phil supplied, causing Angelica to chuckle. While Stu only laughed sarcastically.
"That was a fake laugh by the way."
They arrived at Jade's apartment building complex not long after. Angelica had calmed down a little, but still was clutching to Phil with everything she had, not that he was complaining.
"It's got, uh, Ted Dawson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor," Alan yammered on. Stu was getting annoyed.
"Shut up, Alan. What room was it again," Stu asked.
It's 825," Phil answered, as he pressed a kiss to Angelica's head. They heard a woman talking loudly on the phone. She slowly walked out of her room to see the foursome coming.
"I found him, I'll call you back," she said hanging up the phone, "Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie," she paused pressing a kiss to the small child's forehead, before she turned to Stu, "And I missed you." The woman, who they could only guess was Jade, since she looked a lot like the woman in the photos, planted a long and passionate kiss on Stu's lips. Angelica and Phil shared a look, while Alan just watched.
"What the happened to you guys," she screamed.
"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us," Angelica said, her voice a little shaky after her panic attack.
"What do you mean," she asked, "I got up this morning, I went to get you guys all coffee and I came back and you were gone. Why are you being so quiet?" Stu looked at her.
"I'm not being quiet," he answered. She laughed, grabbing his hand and pulling him into her apartment.
"Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys." Angelica followed Stu inside, pulling Phil along with her.
"Did you hear that, the baby's name is Tyler," Alan muttered.
"Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud," Phil answered, slapping Alan on the shoulder, before the both of them walked into the room.
"Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird," Jade said, as she poured herself some iced tea.
"Look it's Jade, right," Phil asked.
"Very funny, Phil," she laughed, before she handed Stu a glass of iced tea.
"Right Jade, uh, ahem, you remember my brother Doug," Angelica asked, leaning against Phil's chest from her place on his lap.
"Are you kidding," she asked, "He was the best man at both our weddings."
"Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried," Angelica explained.
"Oh, my God, that is so Doug," she laughed. It was then that Stu spotted the ring that was on her finger. He spit out the ice tea he had in his mouth all over Jade and Tyler. Tyler soon began to cry again.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm—I'm gonna go clean him off," she said, before she walked into the kitchen mumbling how his step-father didn't mean it and that he was fine.
"Oh my God," Stu mumbled, causing both Phil and Angelica to look at him.
"What the fuck man, you gotta hold it together," Phil explained.
"Holy shit," Stu swore.
"She is super hot," Phil said, only to be smack in the head by Angelica, "Not as hot as mine, but still she's hot. You should be proud of yourself."
"She's wearing my grandmother's ring."
"What," both Phil and Angelica asked.
"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa," Stu explained, "You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?"
"Fuck," Angelica swore.
"Okay."
"She's wearing it."
"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust," Alan said, causing all three of them to look at him as if he was stupidest thing in the world.
"He's okay," said Jade, as she walked back in.
"Oh, good," Angelica smiled.
"He was just hungry, he's fine," she explained. Angelica smiled again, as Jade sat down across from them.
"About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug," Phil asked.
"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding."
"The wedding. Okay. Great," Angelica said.
"And uh, we can't re-"
"What time was that," Angelica said cutting Phil off, not wanting to upset Jade.
"Well, it was, um…" Jade thought about as she pulled her breast out, so she could feed Tyler. Angelica covered Phil's eyes and looked at the door, over Jade's head.
"I guess, it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift," she explained, "And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler."
"And was Doug there then," Angelica asked, still not looking at Jade.
"I didn't see Doug, because you guys were passed out, except you and Phil. You two were making some really nice noises from the floor, when I got in. The room was a wreck, so I just curled up next to Stu," she said, growling at Stu sexily. Angelica smiled at Doug. Stu waved his hand.
"I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"
"You know this. I'm a stripper." Stu nodded.
"Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."
"Smart," Angelica said.
"Savvy," Stu replied
"But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor."
"I'm just a dentist," explained Stu. Jade got this confused look on her face. It was then that this day took an even bigger turn for the worse, the door slammed open and two cops stormed in, pointing their guns at the foursome. Jade ducked and covered Tyler with her body. He soon began to cry again.
"Las Vegas Police! Freeze!"
"Okay."
"Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!"
"Oh, god!"
"Okay, okay, okay."
A/N: Done in just under twenty-four hours. Good night everyone.
xo