Rating: K/T. For cannibalism. I dunno why else and I'm too lazy to go look.

Summary: The Three Little Pigs, Death Note style. Three kids go out to build their own houses, but they have to watch out for the big bad psycho mass murderer, Kira!

Warnings: LightxL ness, OOCness, and childish and stupid humor. Beware. Rawr.

Spoilers: Aside from Mello and Matt showing up, nothing really.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note (it belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata) and I also don't own the Three Little Pigs story. I have no idea who does.

A/N: I'm not sure if 'Three Little Pigs' is actually a fairy tale or not but I wanted to write it anyway. It's kinda short though, so I apologize for that.

Once upon a time (I just keep doing this! Stupid uncreative starting sentence)...

There were three little people (because pigs are kinda weird in my opinion), two boys and one girl. When they all grew up to be teenagers, their parents kicked them out of the house and told them to get their own places. As they left, their mother called out after them to be sure to watch out for the big bad psycho mass murderer, Kira. They all boredly replied 'yes' before dashing off to create their super-sweet houses.

The first pig, Misa, found some straw on sale at StrawMart and decided to build her house out of straw. It had four large rooms, a straw bed, and An HD plasma screen television! (The TV, surprisingly enough, was also made out of straw. We don't know how.) It was overall a very nice house.

As Misa settled down in her nice straw chair to watch some nice straw TV, she heard a knock on the door. She dashed over and peered out the peephole only to see the very (hot) psycho mass murderer her mother had warned her about!

"Open up the door so I can eat you (ONOEZ! He's a cannibal now too!) Or else I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!" Kira yelled loudly, despite the only barrier being flimsy straw. Why the hell was he even asking her to open the door anyway? Beats me.

"Misa-Misa can't open the door! Even if you are extremely hot and delicious–" Kira interrupted Misa in the middle of her exclamation,

"Delicious?"

"Yes, delicious. Even if you are extremely hot and delicious, Misa-Misa can't let you eat her so she will not open this door!" she continued. Kira narrowed his eyes into a very menacing (and yet also very sexy) glare.

"Then I will huff and puff and blow your house down!" Kira proclaimed. But first things first, he kicked the door down. Because you can't break into someone's house without kicking the door down. You just can't. That's the way it works. Once he had kicked the door down (revealing a very baffled Misa) he huffed and puffed and blew the house down. (I'm jealous of his lungs. Think of how easy band class would be!)

Her straw house demolished, Misa screeched like a five-year-old in fear, effectively paralyzing Kira so she could run off and to her brother, Matt's house. Surely Matt would have a beautiful and sturdy house made of sticks that she could hide in!

...He didn't.

When she arrived, the entire house was a mere pile of ashes. She stared at him with the ever-famous 'WTF' look and waited for him to explain. They stared at each other for a good minute or so before Matt finally spoke.

"I guess stick houses just don't work well for smokers," he shrugged. "Ah well. I think the wood chairs gave me splinters in my butt anyway." Misa nodded in understanding just as Kira ran up in a rage.

His rage ended when he saw the pile of ashes that should have been a house. Again, 'WTF' look.

Matt sighed, before explaining to Kira as well, "I lit the house on fire with my cig."

Kira glared at Matt as well. "Nice going. Now the whole story's ruined, Matt."

"No it's not. Here, we'll stand on the ashes and you can blow those away." Matt pulled Misa and himself onto the pile of ashes. Kira shrugged and decided to go along with it. He walked up to the pretend door and knocked a couple times. Matt made a show of looking through a pretend peephole.

"Oh no! It is the psycho mass murderer that our mother warned us about! Misa, go hide!" Matt yelled in a non-realistic and bored way. Misa just kind of ducked down, pretending to hide behind an imaginary sofa.

"Open up this door so I can eat you two or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!" Kira yelled very theatrically.

"Cannibalism sucks! We don't want any! Go away!" Matt shouted back.

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down..." Kira stared at the pile of ashes. "I'll blow your pile of ashes away."

"Oh no! Not my pile of ashes! That's my one weakness!" Matt rolled his eyes.

As Kira leant over to blow away the pile of blackened ashes, Matt took the opportunity to give him a swift kick right where it hurts. As Kira fell over and started writhing around on the ground in pain, Matt and Misa stopped to stare for a bit before running over to stay with their friend Mello. Surely Mello would have a sturdy house built of brick and concrete that could take shelter in. And brick wouldn't burn. Mello didn't smoke anyway.

...No, nothing at all is wrong with Mello's house. In fact, it looked perfectly fine.

The problem was that Mello was already dragging his collection of chocolate out of the house and leaving.

Matt and Misa instantly rushed up.

"Mello, where are you going? You house isn't blown down yet! Brick can survive easily!" Matt argued.

"Mello! Don't leave! We need you to protect us from Kira! Well, I do. Not so sure about Matt," Misa whined.

"Relax," Mello rolled his eyes. "I'm just going to Uncle L's house. Brick houses are nice, but you can't beat a twenty-three story tall steel skyscraper. You just can't."

Matt and Misa went silent for a moment, before mumbling their agreements and following Mello to L's house/skyscraper.

Kira stopped at the brick house and, assuming they were all hiding within, knocked on the door. No answer. He tried again. And again. And again. But to no avail. Thinking that they were all just ignoring him, he decided to simply skip straight to the huffing and puffing. But he simply couldn't blow the house down. Brick just doesn't blow down that easily. So instead he went out and rented a wrecking ball machine and broke the house down. No one was there. Confused, he looked around to see where else they could have gone to. The skyscraper certainly stood out.

He walked over to the skyscraper, but when he knocked on the door, it was answered by an EXTREMLY HOT (in Kira's opinion and the opinions of fangirls everywhere) detective.

"...Aren't you that mass murderer?" L asked.

"Yes, I am. Marry me?"

"...Only if you won't kill anyone."

"Okay."

And so they got married in the sappiest (and maple-syrup-y-est) wedding ever known to the history of man (and a couple histories of dolphins).

Then they all lived happily ever after. (And held a marshmallow roast using Misa's spare straw and Matt's spare sticks from their houses. They were the tastiest marshmallows ever.)

The End.

A/N: ...Really, the only reason I wrote this was to have Matt burn his house down and to make them all play pretend that he has a house so Kira could huff and puff it away.

...Egads, I suck at marriage proposals. I am epic fail at proposals.