I leaned further back against Arthur's coat, taking quiet pleasure in watching puffs of my breath mist into existence and then evaporate away. When I startled him with my sudden appearance, he had jumped in slight surprise, nearly dropping the thick novel in his hands. He stuttered a hasty greeting looking a little annoyed, but remained polite. Noticing that there were only a few pages left for him to read, without a word I plopped down behind him and leaned comfortably against his back. I nearly squealed in excitement when he didn't irritatingly pull away. You can't blame me; I just woke up yesterday with no memory of my life.

It was like…making my first friend.

I grimaced a little. These thoughts were reminding me of my little mental confusion earlier in my room. When I couldn't bring myself to sleep and happy dreams, I had begun to think about my memories and how I was supposed to get them back.

When the thinking had become too much to bear, I tried to escape by coming out here. But they just kept coming back.

A satisfied sigh came from Arthur, along with the satisfying closing of his book. Wow, he was a fast reader. Too fast, in fact, because I couldn't gather my thoughts quickly enough before I blurted out a question.

"Hey, Arthur? You know when people lose their memories?"

He was taken by surprise. "Y-Yeah?"

"Why is it that they forget everything about themselves, or about other people, but they always remember how to speak?"

Arthur shifted a little to stretch his dormant muscles. I scooted over by to sit by his side. The snow was falling very lightly now.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked.

I thought a little to rephrase my question. "Well, it's like that in movies and stuff, right? Someone gets hurt and loses their memories about their family, friends, and sometimes themselves. But even if they lose all their memory, why is it that they always remember how to speak English, or walk, or interact with people? I mean, if they really lose all their memory, wouldn't they act like a newborn baby?"

"I don't think memory loss goes that far," he said thoughtfully. "Most likely, you forget the things that you've experienced rather than learned."

I considered his answer for a while. "Okay, so does that mean I'm an extreme case of memory loss? I remember everything I've learned but nothing I've experienced."

He gave me a side-long glance, but I never noticed. "I guess so." He placed his book aside and gave me a reassuring pat on the back. "But don't worry. I'm sure you'll get your memories back. I mean, they always do," he assured me, referencing back to my movie example.

His comment made me even more stressed.

"But doesn't it always end up that the memories they lost were the ones they meant to forget in the first place? It's always the memories that were painful and too heavy to bear." I looked at him pleadingly. "Please don't tell me that this is going to end up being so cliché and I, like, tried to commit suicide after murdering someone."

To my utter relief, he didn't laugh. Instead, he took my words very seriously.

"Painful…and too heavy to bear…"

Abruptly, without waiting for him to finish his thoughts, I asked another question hammering on my mind.

"Do Alfred and Ivan hate each other?"

At this he scoffed a little. "It's sort of an on and off thing."

"Hm? Why is that?"

"It's difficult to explain. To talk about relationships in this school is to know the…odd terms we seem to use."

"If you're willing to talk, I'm willing to listen."

"Well, first of all, this school has students from every country in the world—"

"Really?"

He gave me a look that made me grin sheepishly and 'zip' my mouth closed.

"Yes, as you know that this is the World Academy Boarding School. We're literally a World Academy. This brings us a lot of sponsors, which is one reason why the school is so big despite there being a small amount of students."

"Okay…?"

"Anyways, in the past, there have been countless arguments between us. We like to compare them to wars. Some people form alliances with others to match up against their enemies. Half of our fights take place physically while the other half takes place behind the scenes. From these wars, a few people became hated while others gathered more followers. Some of the more powerful students here are Ludwig, Feliciano, Yao, Francis, Kiku, Ivan, Alfred, and—not to be immodest—myself.

"Right now, there aren't any major wars occurring. But just recently, Alfred and Ivan dragged a lot of people into their own personal war—the Cold War. They were absolutely disdainful of each other, but didn't fight outright for fear of throwing the whole school into chaos. So they had other people fight for them. It was a stupid argument, but I'm relieved it's over now. Things are getting better between them, but they can still be really immature sometimes."

"So was that what you meant when you said, 'Here we go again,' at dinner?"

"Not really." He looked away so I couldn't see his expression. "Actually, you should know… A lot of our fights were over you."

"Over me? What do you mean?"

He blushed, his cheeks red against the pale atmosphere. "D-Do I really have to explain why boys would fight o-over you?"

"Don't tell me all these fights started because some guys liked me?" I said, gaping in disbelief.

From the color of his cheeks, I could tell he really wanted to deny that. But he didn't, because what I said was true.

"Ewww." I flopped back into the snow, not caring about the ice that got tangled in my hair. "I don't want to be the reason you guys fight all the time."

"It can't be helped," Arthur said harshly. "You're the very figure of perfection. Perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect mind—you're the most admired student at this school. You inspire people and make them try harder to achieve new things. Of course we do stupid things for you. I guess it's no coincidence your name is Utopia."

All of a sudden, I stood up, annoyance boiling in my blood.

"What if I don't want to be perfect anymore?" I near shouted. "I hate this! I hate her!"

Arthur winced at my outburst. "Who the hell are you talking about?"

"Utopia," I leered. "She's oh so perfect. I don't know how in the hell you guys fell in love with her and admired her when even I hate her."

He whipped his head around to look at me. "Are you okay? Why are you talking about yourself like you're a different person?"

"Because I am a different person!" Facing the starry heavens, I shouted to the world, "I AM NOT UTOPIA!"

Arthur scrambled up and clamped his hand over my mouth. "Goddamn, woman. You're going to wake everyone up! Have you gone nuts?"

I pulled away from his grip. "But I…I can't be as perfect as Utopia." Frustrated tears began to swell up in the corners of my eyes. "I can't live up to her expectations. I'm only going to disappoint you guys if I try to act like little miss perfect again. I'll fail and…and you guys will…"

"You idiot! How do you know that will actually happen? Are you psychic? Tell me, can you see into the future?"

"N-No."

He huffed in annoyance. "Then stop thinking such stupid thoughts and just be yourself. You're not going to disappoint anyone."

"But won't you guys be at least a little disappointed?" I argued. "Admit it; I'm a completely different person now that I've lost all my memories."

Arthur seemed to hesitate.

"What is it?"

His face blushed pink. "Well, I actually like you better than before. And everyone, too!" he hastily added.

"Are you telling me this just to comfort me?"

"No! It's true, believe me. Utopia was someone so amazing she was untouchable. On some days she would join in on our conversations, and on others she would say nothing at all. She'd never express any personal opinions on things and she'd assume the illusion of being close to everyone, but I could tell. She was so close, and yet so distant from us. I don't know if it was fear or reverence, but she'd never get too close to anyone.

"But you… Already, I can tell you're different from her. I can sense it; the feeling of wanting to be close to everyone. You're so much more open and friendly. It's like comparing a diamond to a bouquet of flowers. What I'm trying to say is that now it's not just us wanting to be friends with you. I mean, now it's like you…want to be friends with us, too."

It felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders with his heartfelt words and piercing green eyes. But there was still one thing weighing me down.

"Okay…so I guess I can just be myself," I said. "As my first friend, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want my memories back."

"…why?"

I sighed. "It's hard to explain. It's like…it's like I was born today with all the knowledge in the world, ready to live a life of my own without the burden of being Utopia or whoever I used to be. I'll be able to make friends and go to school and be happy for myself. But if I get my memories back…I'll never get the chance to live my own life. I'm scared that Utopia will come back and take everything away from me."

We both fell silent. There, I said it. All the things that have been bothering me. All of my true feelings about who I once was and who I am right now.

He was the first to break the silence.

"I don't know what to say to that," he admitted, scuffling the snow with his shoes. I realized we had been standing for quite a while.

"You don't have to say anything," I said, my smile coming back to life. "You listened to what I wanted to say. And that's all I'll ever ask for."

As if on cue, we sat down next to each other on the snow.

"Why don't you make a name for yourself?"

"Huh?"

He looked at me with those green, green eyes. "A name. If we're going separate Utopia and you, I don't want to keep referring to you as 'you' all the time."

I giggled a little. "Oh, okay. Then…I want to be…hmm…"

"Lily? Jenna? Kristy?"

"Tope. My name is Tope."

"Tope? Isn't that an alcoholic drink?"

"No! It's also a color. Something like a black mixed with dark brown, with a glimmer of red. It's kinda hard to describe, but I like the word anyways."

"Tope and Utopia. Sounds brilliant."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "I've probably tired you out. Sorry for that."

He shook his head. "No, I'm sort of…happy we talked. To have had a real chat with you was refreshing."

"Alright then, I guess we should go back. It's…woah! It's almost one!"

"Hey, where did you get that iPod?"

"Huh? Oh, I found it in my desk. It has a crap ton of songs on it."

"Really? I don't remember Utopia having an iPod."

"That's cool!" I laughed. "I've discovered something about Utopia that no one knew about!"

He grinned. "We sound mad, talking about Utopia when you're standing right here."

I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Instead I said, "Hey Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"What was the bet you made with Francis?"

"Wh-What bet?"

"You know, the one Francis mentioned at lunch today? Did it have something to do with getting his lunch for him?"

"I…I don't know what you're talking about."

"…your stuttering isn't convincing." I leaned in closer. "Come ooon! You can tell me!"

"Absolutely not!"

I 'hmph'ed, pouting. "Fine then. If you won't tell me, then I'll just have to ask Francis tomorrow. I'm sure he'll give me all the juicy details."

"W-Wait! Bloody hell, fine. I'll tell you."

Arthur's glaring eyes unfazed my cheery expression.

He stared at the ground. "It was a bet to see who could get a date with the girl we liked," he mumbled. "And I was brash and figured since everyone fancied Utopia, and there was no way anyone could catch a date with her, it wouldn't make a difference whether that frog or I asked her first. So I got to Utopia before him. Of course I got shot down immediately." Arthur bit his lip. "But that frog didn't ask Utopia. He went for some lower classman girl instead, and she accepted him! That git, he knew I would make a fool of myself."

"Awwwww," I cooed. "You asked Utopia on a date and got rejected?"

"No teasing!"

"Arthur and Utopia sitting in a tree," I sang. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G~~~"

"Sh-Shut it!"

"Oh, don't be so stiff," I laughed. "I think it's adorable."

"It's embarrassing. And ridiculous."

"Fine, fine.

Arthur stood up, brushed the snow off his coat, and—like a gentleman—he helped me up as well. Just before we reached the door, I stopped him.

"Um, Arthur?"

"What is it now?"

"I would really appreciate it if you called me Tope, and kept Utopia in the third person," I murmured.

"Alright," he said. "I'll be sure to stick to that."

"Thank you. Again," I added.

"Don't mention it." He paused, and then cursed. "Damn, I forgot my book. You can go in already. Have a good night, Tope."

"Okay. Good night Arthur."

While he went back up to grab his book, I made my way inside, grateful for the building's heater. Because my dorm was right next to the door, all I had to do was turn to the right wall. But…

…there was something hanging from my door. On closer inspection, I realized that the object wasn't hanging, but stabbed straight into the wood. It took a few tries because it was lodged in so deeply but I finally yanked out the silver butter knife from the wood.

"Oh, haven't you gone inside yet?" came Arthur's voice. On instinct I hid the knife in my coat.

"Yeah, I couldn't find my key." Pulling my key out, I laughed. "Found it!" I opened my door and went inside, wishing Arthur a good night again.

Inside my (plain and boring) room, I switched on the lamp to inspect the knife further. Attached to the handle was a note scribbled harshly with an ink pen.

Stay away from my brother.

"Brother?" I said aloud. That was weird. Who would threaten me with a butter knife and a scary note? Putting this problem aside, I placed the knife on my desk. This was a mystery for another day.

I crawled into my comfortable bed and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

xXx

"Bon giorno, pretty lady," cheered Felice as I walked into the longue. "Are you ready for breakfast?"

"Yup! Good morning, Ludwig. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry for last night."

"Stop apologizing. It's fine." Spotting Arthur walking out from the elevator, I called out to him, "Hi, Arthur!"

"Hello, Tope."

Cue the many confused looks and questions as to why he was calling me Tope, and my countless explanations over the next few hours.

Telling people my name was Tope made me extremely happy.

I could officially live my own life separate from the past.

XxX

A/N - Ahh...just a real quick note. Everything uploaded here is actually directly from my Quizilla (which is also under justanortherrainyday, btw), so there may be a few mistakes with the formatting. I do apologize for that and ask that you message me about it!

*laughs* FF is so...complicated with the uploading process. xD But I think I'm doing alright so far!

As for the chapter, sorry for the massive character development. I wanted to do this early on so I don't beat around the bush later! :D