Sniff-sniff-sniff. Someones-been-here. Sniff-sniff. Better-let-them-know-I've-been-here-too. Where's-food? Any-food? Hungry.

Pregnant telepathy blows.

I wasn't hearing coherent thoughts from them, but their urges translated into words in my mind.

So even when I tried to sleep I could 'hear' that Goddamned stray in the graveyard. This was the first time in my life I'd heard animals, and boy it was no fun. The relief was that they didn't have any nasty thoughts, just simple things like where to take a wizz and where their food was. What sucked was that it was constant chatter. Thankfully I didn't hear every single critter that I came by, but when one of them hooked on, it took a lot of distance for me to tune out. That was why, after a week of listening to urgent bowel movements, I'd become an expert with my squirt gun. I came up with a mix of lemon juice and cayenne which would get rid of pretty much everything including fairies.

Thank goodness I didn't hear everything. Even with the animals it turned on and off. I was actually hoping it was something that will pass, like this was my version of morning sickness. Sad thing was, there was no reference for my unique condition. No parenting book or website and even if Dr Ludwig was in town, how many pregnant telepathic one-eighth fairies had she ever come across?

What did Eric think about all this? He didn't. After I had lunch with Sam, I was all ready to smooth things over with Eric. After some careful reflection, how would I like to be berated for not being vegan by a bunch of PETA activists? I usually gave myself credit for being a tolerant and understanding human being; I decided I'd blame it on the hormones.

However, when I got back from lunch, Eric was in a heated argument with someone over the phone. At the end of the conversation, he slammed the receiver so hard he cracked the phone and swore passionately in a language I didn't understand.

When he finally realized I was in the room he just shook his head and said, "Sorry, sometimes the noun and the verb in the English language just aren't profane enough."

"What's wrong? Who was that?"

When I was in elementary school, Gran had to see the principal because the school suspected I was cheating based on the biased fact that I did well in a test. They claimed that I did so well that it didn't reflect my usual grades. Though we all know why that happened, the prospect of suspension was still extremely scary for a fourteen year old girl who quite frankly shouldn't. I wasn't scared about my school record; I knew my chances at college were slim, given our financial situation and my grades. I was petrified of my conversation with Gran. I kept running the scenario through my head, what Gran would say and what I would say and deciding at which point I'd have to tell Gran about my disability and wait for the men with the straight jacket to come pick me up. That day Jason broke his arm in football practice and Gran was at the hospital with him the whole evening. Imagine my relief when all Gran said to me when she got back was that I should try harder at school so the teachers won't think I'm cheating. I guess Gran was just exhausted.

I had a sneaking suspicion that whatever it was that got Eric so upset was the equivalent of Jason breaking his arm.

Eric had his back to me as he splashed water on his face from the kitchen sink. "Remember Oberon was served and we thought we could settle it by just repaying the back payments?"

"Isn't that usually the case? Crutcher said cases like these are only civil. What could go wrong?"

"Well Crutcher's sources are telling him that the case is with the FBI. That somehow the bitch that is Iris Sculson got some councilman to petition the case as inter-state fraud, because of the name change and moving without notifying my parole officer."

"But you didn't know! You were in the hospital!"

"Thing is, Oberon was working under a new name, wasn't paying alimony and didn't report to any of the necessary authorities. They could arrest me on the latter alone."

"How does Oberon's wife have that big of a stretch?

"Fuck should I know. Crutcher says his background check she's a college drop-out housewife taking care of a son. Nothing suggests she's connected in anyway."

So Oberon had a son. Did that mean Eric had a son, too?

"That's what you get with human women! They use children like some kind of trump card. It's all to get their men, hook line and sinker!"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry lover, I don't mean you, but you must admit, there are some human women out there who are just useless."

"Same goes for human men, Mr. High and Mighty." I said as I kissed him on the forehead and went to change in our bedroom.

The best rays of the day had retreated with the sun for the afternoon, but by God there were still a few good hours before sunset and I was going to soak up as much sun as I could. The baby needed vitamin D too! I changed into my tank and shorts (still couldn't wear my bikini yet) and sat in my chaise while I took stock of what had been going on. Oberon's life though nothing too out of the ordinary with alimony and child support was just enough to complicate the hell out of the shit storm we were already in. This was definitely another notch on the con side of being human for Eric, especially with children being involved. I didn't think this was warming Eric up to the idea of having any children of his own. The fact that Eric still referred to Oberon in third person and still talked about being human objectively, made me question whether Eric had even accepted the fact that he was human. Sure he was up and about during the day but I didn't seeing him relish in the fact that he could touch silver or plan a tropical holiday with me. Regardless, it was unfair not to let him know about the baby. He could have his opinions about my being pregnant but I knew he would respect me enough to let me decide what I wanted to do. That I was sure of.

I must've dozed off in the tepid afternoon sun, but I woke up to a chill and not from the air. Bill's finger was stroking my shoulder and he was smiling at me when our eyes met.

"You don't want to be out here, you'd catch your death."

"Thanks for waking me up. Lord knows how long I would've been out here before I wake up."

"Eric wouldn't be worried?"

I wasn't there when Eric headed over to Bill's to announce that he was undead Eric alive (try wrapping your head around that) with Pam. I heard it went quite peacefully, if you discount that Pam had to jump and restrain Bill while Eric forced Bill to ask him questions which only Eric would know. I didn't know what he asked but that, in combination with Pam by Eric's side, Bill was finally convinced.

"I don't know if the frailties of the human condition are on Eric's priority list right now," I said as I got up and started folding my lounge chaise. The true southern gentleman that is Bill took over this menial task.

"He defeated heaven and hell to come back for you, needless to say it's going to take some getting used to being human," he said as he headed toward the house with me.

"I'd like to think you came all the way from the other side of the cemetery so I won't catch a cold. Would you like to come inside for some blood?"

"I had a very intriguing visitor late last night. I thought you would be interested in what he said."

"Oh?"

"A gentleman by the name of Tom Lattesta, from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. He had some questions."

Jesus! Is that guy ever going to let up! Hadn't this been dragging on for too long for a career boost and a promotion?

"I trust you were skilled enough not to give him the information he needs."

"That's what was so interesting, I didn't really need to lie to him."

"Why's that?"

"He asked about our relationship, you and me, past and present. What I thought of you now and how well acquainted are, but then the majority of his queries were about Oberon."

"Oberon? What did he want to know?"

"He asked whether I knew of his intentions for you and whether I'd tried 'working our vampire magic to get the truth out of him' I would assume he meant glamouring."

"What did you say to him?"

"That Oberon's intentions seem genuine and that I keep a close watch on you in case he isn't."

"Was he convinced?"

"I got the feeling that he had a separate agenda. There was something else he was trying to find out, but I couldn't get it out of him"

"Couldn't you just glamour him?

"He made sure he had no eye contact with me and he kept interrupting me when I talked, disrupting the rhythm of my voice. The FBI had trained their agents well."

"Well that's not much to go on."

"I just thought you should know."

By this time we were standing at my porch. "Then why don't you come inside? Eric might have the right questions for all this. Quite honestly I don't know what to make of it."

Bill straightened his back as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say. "Agent Lattesta had some curious parting words. He said that I should give you this."

And Bill handed me a small white card. It was Oberon's business card from "The Red Ladies" but on it was a hand written cell number. "Agent Lattesta asked me to tell you that you should call him when you need assistance."

What? When did Agent Lattesta turn into Mr. Congeniality? Jesus, what does he want from me now?

"Why doesn't he give me this his Goddamn self?"

"He said it would be better coming from a friend." Bill shrugged

"What the hell does that mean?"

"One of the reasons why I thought it would be prudent to deliver this message to you first."

Bill handled what would've been a simple task with such prudence because he cared about me. I have no idea what that mysterious message was about, I doubt Bill could make any sense of it either. He didn't say this in front of Eric just in case whatever Agent Lattesta wanted to convey was for my ears only. Would a hard working farm owner's son, war hero, Bill Compton react this way to a message when he was human? It had to have been years of convoluted vampire politics and practiced mistakes to have someone react so instinctively in such a manner.

I was about to feel sad for loss of Bills humanity when my front door opened. "Why are the two of you standing on the porch? My wife has the manners to ask a guest to come in for some blood." Eric asked as he and Bill exchanged nods.

"I'll let Sookie pass on the message I just delivered. You two have a pleasant evening."

When I was finally finished with telling Eric about the ominous situation with Agent Lattesta, even Eric couldn't come up with a scenario that fit.

"So let me get this straight." Eric said as he flipped Oberon's card between his fingers. "This agent of the government bureau, Tom Lattesta, had you in his radar because he saw your powers as something that could advance his career. Later, after the incident involving Agent Weiss, he was taken off the case, but he kept pestering you?"

"So to speak."

"Not for personal reasons?"

"I know you think the world of me Eric, but I think my raw animal sexual magnetism only works on supes. Humans generally think less of me."

"Nonsense! I think about what's underneath your shirt all the time!

"That's the sweetest thing you said to me all week!" I said, batting my lashes, and I reached my arms around his neck and drew breath for a long kiss.

Finally, he flicked the card onto the countertop and announced, "We know too little about whole situation to come to any conclusions about it. The only course of action is to visit the Red Ladies."

"When are we going to take the trip to Dallas? At night, too..." It's funny when you get to know someone real well and you even start to think like they do. I knew Eric would want to go at night where, if there were supes, they would be around as well. I also knew he would want me along to see what I could get off the humans; that and I'd be pretty pissed if he thought he could do this without me.

After we made plans for yet another road trip to Dallas, I remembered something I was meaning to talk to Eric about.

"Guess what Sam told me today? There's a rumor that vampires are getting sick? Did Pam tell you anything about that?"

"She's coming back from a meeting with the king tonight and I guess we'll know the gravity of the situation when she returns. Word is that New Orleans is one of the most infected cities. Anyhow, I'll ask Pam what she knows about this Red Ladies club when she comes over tonight. You going to try to see her?"

Read: You going to be awake when she comes over?

"I just had a nap outside. I should be able to stay awake."

Which I didn't. I must've dozed off on the living room sofa and Eric had changed me into my bed clothes and tucked me into bed, only to be woken up by the brain pattern of a stray. I heard faint chatter in the kitchen and thought it must be Pam and Eric, so I might as well get up and say hi.

Halfway down the hall, I felt a strong sense of foreboding in my stomach but it was very exciting. I was thinking of ways to slowly start talking to Mickey in that basement. He must be half dead and bordering delirious from hunger since I've left him there to rot since Eric came back. I'll have to take advantage of that and gain his trust, even feign some intimacy.

Eric said I might have to sleep with him to get his devotion. I'm not thrilled about that, but it seems a sure way to win his loyalty and have him spy for us when he eventually returns to Felipe's camp.

It was only the disgust at the pit of stomach that pulled me out of Pam's mind. My head felt like it had just been pulled out of a bath of mercury with its cold, steely, twisted logic. There have only been a handful of times where I'd read a vampire's mind and my telepathy going haywire was probably making it easier for me to cross that line.

How could Eric ask Pam to do such a thing? I knew that vampires were ruthless but that's just… despicable! I'm no fool when it comes to vampire politics and I'm sure there were a lot of things Eric got up to without telling me when he was Sheriff of Area Five. But how could he ask Pam, his child, to do such a abominable act! And Pam! I didn't even know what to make of her and her misguided loyalty towards Eric.

I was about to explode and give them both a piece of my mind, but my anger caused a reaction in the baby. I felt a light flutter of little butterfly wings two inches under my bellybutton. Did I just feel my baby?

"Sookie, so nice of you to join us this evening. Pam was just informing me about the vampire disease. Its official name is C.O.D. Chronic Ossification Disease. Pam, would you mind repeating what you just told me to Sookie?"

Pam was already staring at me; head slightly tilted, eerily still in a way that only vampires can. Eric sensed something was wrong straight away. His eyes fixed on Pam and I can almost see every single hair on his body standing on its end, poised to take action at any moment.

The tension was so thick in the room, the baby flapped it's little wing nervously below my belly button again.

Pam's gaze flickered.

"I hear a second heartbeat. Sookie's pregnant."

Well. Thanks for that Pam.

Sniff-sniff-sniff. I-smell-a-bitch-in-heat.

A/N: Damn that Pam! You'd think that a Sheriff would have more tact. I guess the cat's out of the bag now. Don't hate me but it'll be at least a month before I can update DMW, I'm going to try to write a one shot for a competition, while I'm getting married in a few weeks! I hope I'll have plenty of time after this and update much more often. Again, thanks to murgatroid for beta'ing this one, she was stuck with a really rough draft, even for me!